Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...
Looks like Village Idiot has indeed killed and eaten Cormorant. Sure, I got an e-mail today telling me that Corm is just taking a break and letting Village Idiot help out for now, but I’m not buying that excuse. I know. And, to tell you the truth, the column’s looking sort of spiffy, so what’s the fuss over a little friendly cannibalism? Check out this column and tell me if you agree that it may have been worth it...
Hello everybody, Village Idiot here.
Those of you who read last week's column may remember Moriarty expressing some concern over the fact that I seemed to be taking over this column.
Well let me take a moment to tell you all that Cormorant has indeed decided to take a long overdue vacation from his editorial duties, and that in the interim, I will be taking over. And let me assure you that this change is absolutely no cause for alarm, everything is under control. We at @$$hole Comic Reviews will be as dedicated as ever to give you, the @$$hole reader, the very finest in mildly amusing comic reviews.
And sure, my little intros may appear at the top of the page. And yeah, my reviews will always be the first review of the column. And henceforth, I shall always be referred to as "His Royal Majesty." "Sir," or "My Lord." But this is merely as it should be -- since I am now Lord God King over you all -- you filthy, filthy peasants.
Thank you.
Table of Contents
(Click title to go directly to the review)HAWKMAN #23
THE WALKING DEAD #3 & 4
ESSENTIAL HUMAN TORCH VOL. 1
COBRA REBORN
MIDNIGHT MASS: HERE BE THE MONSTERS #1
THE INCREDIBLE HULK #66
Cheap Shots!
Tales From The Crevice: CEREBUS - Death of an Aardvark Pt. 3
HAWKMAN #24
Geoff Johns - Writer
Rags Morales - Penciller
John Dell - Inker
Published by DC Comics
Reviewed by His Royal Majesty, Village Idiot
Finally, a Iraq allegory we can all get behind.
Well, almost. The Iraq metaphor that Geoff Johns is offering in the "Black Reign" storyline running through JSA and HAWKMAN is good, but I can't help thinking it could be better; perhaps with a little more challenge, with a little more ambiguity. Because, at the end of the day, the point is the same as all the other comic book Iraq War allegories we've been reading: Superheroes wouldn't do it. Not exactly a revelation at this point, comparatively speaking.
The story behind "Black Reign" is that a breakaway faction of the multi-generational superhero team Justice Society of America has decided to take the gloves off and start getting proactive. Lethally proactive. These JSA renegades decide to get tough with "Khandaq," one of DC's Iraq proxies, killing the ruling party's forces and literally squashing the dictator.
And at no time is there any real question as to who the bad guys are; thus there's never any serious question as to whether their actions are the morally viable. Sure, the Khandaqis seem pretty enthralled by their liberation (much more so than the real Iraqis), but the actions of the JSA splinter group are clearly ruthless and more lethal than they needed to be; and the members of the group are obviously corrupt and corrupted. And if you still need a signpost, the leader of the group is Black Adam, the traditional arch-villain of Captain Marvel. (And hey, most importantly, they're beating up on the rest of the JSA.) In the end, this is pretty standard cautionary tale-type stuff about the imposition of power: We know who to root for, and perhaps, with a minimum of reservation, where we're supposed to stand on the issue.
But like I said, I can almost get behind this easy Iraq War allegory because Geoff Johns has managed to put a real fight on the table. Not only is there a physical struggle, but allegiances switch back and forth, intrigues are put into motion, and Stargirl has her Cosmic Rod broken (Can they do that?). The good aspects of the plotting were enough to get me past the rougher spots, like Adam trying sell Mr. Terrific on the big plan ("You know the pain I feel, Michael." So let's take a minute in the middle of everything to awkwardly talk about it.) But that Black Adam is a cunning guy, and he managed to get Captain Marvel in a fix that has me worried. And Hourman is in BIG trouble. I think my concern is testament to the way Johns was able to get me involved.
And Rag Morales's art was pretty snazzy on the whole. Vivid stuff, effective. Morales is a keen penciller, and I'm surprised that this work on HAWKMAN is my first exposure to him. The inking in the previous issue, #23, had a more style (kind of a "comix" style, I felt), and not only was I inrigued by that, I was kinda hoping to see more in this issue. But I'd rather this praise of the last issue didn't come too much at the expense of #24's inker, John Dell. This issue really seemed to hit its marks. No real complaints.
And so, "Black Reign" is shaping up to be my favorite Iraq War comic book lecture of the year. Dollars to doughnuts it won't be the last, but I can only hope the rest will be as entertaining.
THE WALKING DEAD #3 & 4
Writer: Robert Kirkman
Artist: Tony Moore
Publisher: Image Comics
Release Dates: 12/10/03 & 1/28/04
Reviewed by Cormorant
So I’ve been hearing some buzz on this book.
In fact, ironically enough it was our own trusty Buzz Maverik who was among the first to champion the series. That Buzz is a pretty savvy guy when he’s not speaking in tongues.
And yet...I gave the first issue of THE WALKING DEAD a try months ago and it just didn’t whet my appetite for the undead flesh it served up. Which was odd. See, I’m both fascinated and creeped out by zombies, especially in those “zombie apocalypse” scenarios as seen in George Romero’s DAWN OF THE DEAD. I imprinted on that flick at an age when I should’ve been watching THUNDERCATS, and I’ve been enjoying iterations of the sub-genre ever since - from the RESIDENT EVIL video games to the post-apocalyptic scene in the underrated DREAMSCAPE to the modern zombie movie, 28 DAYS LATER. I think they strike a chord in me because they abstractly represent “end times” fears that were very real to me growing up in the late ‘70s/early ‘80s, pre-collapse of the Soviet Union. And while zombies were once the sole province of voodoo and black magic, Romero’s pervasive vision made them almost plausible, like some kind of biological plague.
Which is really freakin’ scary.
But WALKING DEAD #1 wasn’t.
I think my problem was with the pacing, which just seemed hurried for a horror comic. The issue had one remarkable scene, though: midway through the book, former cop Rick Grimes (our lead) passed a mangled female zombie lying in a ditch - an apparent former bicyclist hit by a car or a truck. Damaged as she was, she could only claw and gurgle pathetically at him. During the course of the issue Rick finally got his hands on a gun, and on the last page we saw him make an unexpected point of returning to the ditch with the immobile zombie...where he put the wretched thing out of it misery. Dark scene, but definitely fascinating. That and the rising buzz on the comic led me to look back in on it with issues 3 and 4. I missed #2 (it’s on order), but I’m pleased to report that Kirkman is making every issue approachable, so I caught up to speed fast. Here’s what I found...
WALKING DEAD #3 opens with Rick reunited with his wife and kid. They’ve hooked up with a small encampment of survivors living on the outskirts of Atlanta, and Kirkman spends a good chunk of the issue showing the daily lives of the survivors. They’re doing okay, living in tents and trailers - sleeping lightly, but not living in total terror of the zombies, who’ve yet to approach them in truly dangerous numbers. Like Romero, Kirkman reveals his survivors as a microcosm of humanity, and sets out to examine their reaction to an extreme situation. That’s the draw for me as well. On one hand, there’s something genuinely appealing about the community at first glance. Friendly faces, survivalist camaraderie, a campground atmosphere – what’s not to like? I mean besides the marauding zombies and the fact that the life they knew is effectively over. Well, there’s the woman who’s pissed that she’s having to do the laundry while the men go hunting (“When things get back to normal I wonder if we’ll still be allowed to vote?”), the fact that guns and ammo are running low, and the paranoia that’s sure to grow as Rick learns that one of the other survivors – a good man to boot - has his eye on Rick’s wife.
But the actual zombie threat is omnipresent too, even if the rotting bastards don’t appear constantly. For instance, a grisly question is posed when Rick and a friend discover a zombie chowing down on a dead deer in the nearby forest: do they risk eating the gnawed-on animal after they cap the zombie? And the women doing the laundry have their own run-in at the creek, mere minutes after the more cautious among them is chastised for her nervousness: “You don’t have to constantly keep watch. They’re not that fast. A glance in all directions every five minutes will do it.”
I don’t know why, but there’s something truly creepy about the Romero tradition of slow-moving zombies – I guess that it’s so easy to underestimate them, and to find oneself overwhelmed by numbers. Kirkman’s working so much in that tradition that Romero almost deserves a co-credit for THE WALKING DEAD (which Kirkman effectively conveys in the letters pages), but what he’s got that Romero doesn’t is the opportunity to tell an epic-length narrative unrestricted by film’s two hour limits – a notable enticement for this zombie fan.
Now issue #4 is pretty much an all-suspense issue, and one I don’t want to blab too much, but I have to at least share the premise. Rick and another survivor decide to risk entering the zombie-dense city in a quest to find a gun store, and in doing so decide to test out a radical theory: that the zombies use some primitive sense of smell to tell the difference between their own kind and living humans (they never attack each other). The related discussion between these guys is memorable in and of itself, but the actual plan – to smear their clothes with rotting zombie gore as a means of “camouflage”(!) – is ridiculously inspired. They test it on a lone zombie, it seems to work, and into the city they go – just praying they don’t get noticed. What follows is some damn good comic booking.
So I’m sold for the time being. Tony Moore’s grey-toned art is attractive – a mixture of Chris Sprouse’s clean lines with a coating of Steve Dillon grittiness – and my initial complaint that the book wasn’t scary enough has proven hollow. Not only did Kirkman come through with some serious creepiness in the latest issue, but I’ve found that this book doesn’t need to be primarily concerned with scaring the reader. A good story’s a good story, period, and that’s just what Kirkman’s telling.
ESSENTIAL HUMAN TORCH VOL. 1
Written by Stan Lee, Larry Lieber, Jerry Siegel, Robert Bernstein, Ernie Hart, Larry Ivie
Art by Jack Kirby, Dick Ayers, Carl Burgos, Bob Powell
Published by Marvel Comics
Release Date: Whaddaucare?
(Uh Buzz, it's 8/12/03. Come on, man! -VI)
Reviewed by Buzz Maverik
Time travel is possible.
I'm not talking the 88 mph in the DeLorean time travel from BACK TO THE FUTURE. I'm talking about the more metaphysical time travel as explained in "Richard's Burrito" from another '80s fantasy flick PEGGY SUE GOT MARRIED. This kind of SOMEWHERE IN TIME-travel seems to me like could be attainable.
True, your body probably isn't going anywhere, but your mind can make the jump back over the years, through the course of your own life and maybe even just before you were born. Most people use music to take them into this beyond-nostalgia experience. Me ? I use old comic books to get myself back to a time when the world was bigger, slower and stronger. Not any old comic will work. I've tried Golden Age stuff and it means nothing me. Even early Silver Age is impossible for me to connect with. But Bronze Age and Late Silver does the trick every time, bay-bee.
When I read the stories in ESSENTIAL JOHNNY HUMAN TORCH VOL. 1, most of which were published before my birth ( the night the Beatles were first on Ed Sullivan; Ringo Starr himself assisted in my delivery between sets, leaving one of his rings in Ma Maverik's uterus before he went on to remove my birth caul), I can see the comic rack in a small town drugstore. It's not a TVLand scene. Things are a little duller, a little dingier, less central casting. But I can feel the cool fans, broken by the heat when front doors open accompanied by those tinkling bells. I can appreciate the beauty and mystery these issues of STRANGE TALES held for the kids who bought them. They were going to get a junior league superhero adventure with the Torch and sock truly bizzare Dr. Strange story all for 12 cents.
This isn't part of my own experience. To me, comics come from convenience stores, either in a spinner or wall rack near the door. The place is highly air conditioned but somehow doesn't smell too good. Comics cost 25 to 35 cents and are all published by Marvel because you move all the others aside. You buy as many Marvels as you can afford and you might even shoplift a few if you think you can get away with it.
I bought ESSENTIAL JOHNNY HUMAN TORCH in a comic shop. The clerk with piercings said, "How can there be an ESSENTIAL HUMAN TORCH?"
"Because no one has ever read these stories," I said. "They've never been reprinted."
That isn't 100% true. The STRANGE TALES ANNUAL was reprinted in GIANT SIZE SPIDER-MAN which was really GIANT SIZE MARVEL TEAM UP, because it is the first solo team up between the bickering Spidey and Torch. And in the mid-70s, Marvel reprinted the first half dozen of these stories in a bi-monthly HUMAN TORCH comic. I only picked up one, which was part of a 3-pack in a supermarket spinner rack. I used to hate those old 3-packs because they'd contain something cool like a MARVEL TEAM UP and TOMB OF DRACULA with a dumb, Timely monster comic in the middle. ( I don't think those old monster comics are dumb now, but I did when I was 10).
The Torch stories seem to have been geared toward even younger readers than, say, THE FANTASTIC FOUR issues of them. The Torch is a teenager, somewhere between 16 and 18, I'd guess and they always say that in writing children's lit, you should make your kid hero slightly older than your oldest target audience. The Torch's battles are smaller scale, against mostly working class super villains who rob drive-ins and auto shows. We see a lot of the Fantastic Four and toward the end of the run, the Thing becomes the Torch's co-star (even donning a Beatle wig after battling a Beatle-themed gang).
A lot of minor, Marvel worker-villains were introduced in the Torch's series. Plant Man. The Eel. The Beetle. The Wizard. The Trapster ( here, he's always known as Paste Pot Pete, a name not as stupid as "Trapster"). Here's the line up, excluding non-supervillains and including superhero guest stars: The Destroyer (not Drax the Destroyer), Zemu of the Fifth Dimension, the Acrobat, Sub-Mariner, the Painter, the Sorceror, the Asbestos Man, the Fox, Spider-Man, the Sandman, the Puppet Master, the Rabble Rouser, Iceman, the Barracuda, The Mad Thinker, Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch, the Terrible Trio, the Watcher and Kang the Conqueror.
The best stories are illustrated by Dick Ayers. Stan and Jack deserve most of the credit they received, but on this series the best depictions of their character was done by artist Ayers and writer Larry Lieber, Stan's kid brother. The real creator of the Human Torch, Carl Burgos who used the name of an identical looking WW II android hero, contributes some fine art to one story. His Torch, of course, looked like his blank-faced flaming character, rather than the mirror-eyed, expressive Johnny Storm. Surprisingly, I think Burgos drew the best version of the Thing in the whole book.
Pick up ESSENTIAL HUMAN TORCH VOL. 1 and try a little time traveling.
COBRA REBORN
Written by Paul Jenkins
Illustrated by Eddy Barrows
Published by Devil's Due Publishing
Release date: 1/28/04
Reviewed by The Comedian
Let me start this review by saying I never read any of Hama's run for Marvel so all I've ever known of GI Joe is the cartoon continuity. This is what's pretty much kept me away from the recent re-launches they've done over the past 2 years. I had always heard of Hama's kooky Cobra Commander origin with him being a used car salesman and I just chalked it up as just another cheese ball villain story. Jenkins updates the used car salesman but he makes it less laughable and a little more tragic. Either way it’s gold compared to that Cobra-La crap from the movie.
Basically Ultimate Cobra Commander is this vet who was living the American dream until the IRS took it all away from him. Everyone who he ever loved or trusted turns against him (well really just his wife who divorces him, takes his kid along with what little money he has left and shacks up with her divorce lawyer). It still may seem laughable, but if you think about the fact that Hitler got started because he couldn't get into a freakin' art school, it's not all that inconceivable. Essentially Ultimate Cobra is this militia group who think of themselves as patriots. What makes them super dangerous is that they've absorbed a shitload of terrorists from the Middle East, arms dealers, mercenaries and creeps from all over the world into their organization. Jenkins has taken everything we fear about terrorists and rolled it into one disturbing read. But don't fret, the Cobra staples are intact. Storm Shadow still wears white all the time (though it took me a while to figure out he was Storm Shadow since he's dressed like a normal guy). Major Bludd, Zartan and Firefly are in there too. But most important of all Destro is still a Scottish arms dealer and the Baroness still looks like a smokin' hot bookworm-dominatrix. They pretty much think Cobra Commander is a creep too but they're just ridding the gravy train to see where it takes them.
The idea that Cobra Commander sees himself as a patriot is a little twisted, but he's supposed to be a deluded megalomaniac, so it makes sense when you read it. In the origin scene, right at the clichéd point-of-no-return, he realizes that "The only way to bear the snakes is to become one." The red and blue of the Cobra uniforms aren't unintentional anymore. Cobra leaves Orouboros symbols as their calling card in some of the scenes. A CIA operative I'm guessing is supposed to be Flint or Duke tells Dubya "The Romans used the Orouboros as a rallying symbol to protest payment of taxes in the 1st century. Someone's trying to send us a message." Of course using a snake to symbolize patriotism is strange warped iconography. It's kind of like using an ancient symbol of life (like, I don't know, a swastika maybe?) to rally around fascism masked as patriotism. It's totally a Hitler metaphor that Jenkins is going with here -- even more so than the "Jihad vs. McWorld" conflict we find ourselves trapped in right now. Plus he's building it up so that Cobra has all these secret sympathizers in Congress and The Senate, not unlike Hitler had in Germany's government in the 20's when the Nazi were still looked on as outlaws. Tie that in with the metaphors for the modern "War on Terror," and that pretty much sums up why the book is so disturbing. Cobra feels like a seriously dangerous threat as opposed to a bunch of assclows who're only good at building ejector seats.
I gotta say overall this book was a love/hate experience for me. It's intelligently done no doubt, but it kind of made me sick. The whole dissection of the motivations behind terrorists and the way Jenkins mixes patriotic militia groups, international terrorists, arms dealers and mercenaries is pretty well thought out and executed. BUT, I really hated this book for the reason that it kind of ruins Cobra for me now. Not that I rooted for them when I was a little kid. They were just easy to make fun of (just like the Decepticons) because you knew they were never going to win. Instead now they just creep me out. If Al Qaeda had perpetrated half of the terrorist acts in the past two years that Cobra does in this one issue we'd be living in a police state by now. But I guess the point of this book is for me to hate them. Damnit though, I've got this Black t-shirt with a big camouflage Cobra symbol that I wear all the time and now I can't stand to look at it.
Truthfully, I'm actually glad I never read Hama’s run because I can enjoy this book without having anything to compare it with other than a goofy cartoon from my childhood that I never took seriously in the first place. My only fear is that Rieber drops the ball on his end, especially since he's the one doing the ongoing, and not Jenkins, who's only doing this one shot.
Now that I look back though, I guess the only two reasons I dug Cobra as a kid were Destro & The Baroness. They were just so weird and cool. Who would ever put these to lovelorn S&M freaks on a kids cartoon? Plus you could tell they just thought Cobra Commander was such a tool. And he was.
"Retreeeeeeaaaat!"
What a chump.
MIDNIGHT MASS: HERE THERE BE MONSTERS #1 (of 6)
Writer: John Rozum
Artist: Paul Lee
Publisher: Vertigo / DC Comics
Release Date: 1/28/04
Reviewed by Cormorant
More horror comics?! Sure, why not. The crime genre’s had a nice spotlight for the last ten years with books like SIN CITY, SLEEPER, GOTHAM CENTRAL, 100 BULLETS, STRAY BULLETS and the BULLET-RIDDLED ADVENTURES OF ACE McBULLET AND THE BULLETEERS - and lord knows the superheroes can never be threatened by the rise of any sub-genre. So give the scarifying stuff its due, tough guy. It won’t bite.
The first MIDNIGHT MASS miniseries came out last year, and I thought it had a promising hook: a happily married husband and wife who are legendary paranormal investigators. It was like a wittier take on THE X-FILES, with the long-running conspiracy nonsense booted in favor of romantic comedy banter. There was something missing, though, some spark of inspiration. Maybe it was just indicative of the series finding its legs, but in any case, I bailed midway through the mini.
Now miniseries #2 looks more promising. It’s alternately witty and romantic for the first two thirds (and how often do you see romance in any comic book genre?), but takes a sudden dark turn in its final act that shakes the viewer out of his complacency. So if you’re starting to feel a little frilly after the scene of the loving couple ballroom dancing, don’t panic – violence is coming.
The beasties this time are a cadre of humanoid monsters that made me think of a twisted take on Pixar’s MONSTERS INC. These are the things that go bump in the night – literally creatures that emerge from underneath beds and out of closets – and they’re pissed and talking revolution. They’re tired of hiding from humans and living under bridges and rocks, and somewhat amusingly they’re out to claim the creature comforts we take for granted: homes, electricity, heating – all that nice stuff. A charismatic leader rallies them, and though he talks a good talk about wiping out the monster-hunting Adam and Julia Kadmon (they’re our husband and wife leads), the monsters still seem a little tentative, a little nervous. Enter Arturo, the monster equivalent of a rebellious teen. He’s got a penchant for sneaking into humans’ homes, watching their TV’s, and smoking their cigarettes. Mostly, though, he’s defined by his simmering envy for humans and a particular hatred for the Kadmons. A troublemaker, this guy. While the rest of the monsters bide their time, he’s ready to start the revolution right now.
And really, a good chunk of the book is given over to Arturo and his two cronies. This is a visual plus, since artist Paul Lee was clearly taken with this trio, giving them the issue’s most interesting designs. Lee falls somewhat into the “standard Vertigo” realistic style, but his art’s definitely appealing, if a little overwhelmed by the gloomy Vertigo colors. Lee’s take on the Kadmons is nice too, making them an attractive, playful couple without falling into genre conventions of giving them clumsily over-the-top sex appeal. Same goes for their secretary, a cute collegiate girl (the Kadmons being...late twenties? Early thirties?) who’s got a subplot gearing up that’ll either land her a boyfriend or put her in some kind of danger. A little stock, I suppose, but she’s instantly likeable enough that I’m hoping for the former.
And those are the major happenings of the issue. There’s a cool, lightweight establishing scene with the Kadmons casually staking vampires – glimpsed in this .pdf preview from DC’s – and the rest of the story is their secretary’s subplot and the scene-stealing monsters. Not a bad mix, actually, though readers might be surprised at the difference between the playfulness of the first half and the grimness of the final scene. Of course, that’s what I liked about it.
I also like the Kadmons themselves, a rare happy couple in comics. They might actually be too happy – enough to make this reader jealous anyway – but we’ll see how things play out. The art’s nice, the monsters scary, and the book’s got enough quirks to stand out from the pack. In short, I like it. I’m particularly recommending this one to fans of BUFFY and ANGEL – you’ll recognize the casual acceptance of the supernatural - and to women readers looking for a touch of romance in a genre that rarely sees it.
THE INCREDIBLE HULK #66
Writer: Bruce Jones
Pencils: Doug Braithewaite
Inks: Bill Reinhold
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Release Date: 1/28/04
Reviewed, once again, by Ambush Bug
It’s no secret by now that I am not a fan of Bruce Jones’ work on THE INCREDIBLE HULK. For what seems like a year, I’ve commented on what he’s done and what he hasn’t done with this series that used to be one of my absolute favorites. There are two questions I am always asked as I walk down the street. One is, “Ambush Bug, why are you so GOD-damn good looking?” and the other is “Why is it you are so hard on Bruce Jones and his HULK series?” I may not know the answer to the first question, but I can at least try to answer the second. It’s not just that the Hulk rarely appears in the book. It’s not just that the stories rarely center around Bruce Banner or his green alter ego. It’s not just that the plots are filled with nonsensities, utter convolution, and the reddest of red herrings. It’s not just that his stories are ripping off stale episodes of a staler sci-fi show that used to be on Fox Sunday nights. It’s not just that Jones totally mis-characterizes cast members who have been around for years. It’s not even just because of the fact that Bruce Jones has resorted to using clones in his latest story arc. It’s because of all of the above that I am so hard on Jones and his HULK series.
Jones started out with promise. I’ll give him that. The X-Files/Fugitive slant was an interesting one, but it soon grew stale when the series became all promise and no payoff. Mysteries were posed, but solutions were never reached. Every time a secret is revealed in this book, Jones adds a ??? (as in The End???) to make sure that the reader never knows what the true truth is and what is just another falsehood deployed by a vast government conspiracy AKA MARVEL, the guys trying to pawn this crap off to all of us. Some may say that this is the point of Jones’ story; that the reader is being mislead in the same fashion as the characters. I would appreciate this form of storytelling if the payoff was as big as the mystery, but what little has been revealed in this book is still in question. After so long, the end result doesn’t evoke intrigue or even mild interest, it simply evokes frustration. One shining example of this appears at the very beginning of Jones’ run. Two years ago, a little boy was seemingly killed by the Hulk. Two years later, this plot point has not yet been resolved. The world still thinks that Hulk killed that little boy. Sure we know that the little boy was alive, but died in the nuclear explosion last issue. Or do we know this? Do you see how frustrating it is to read this book?
Issue #66 is the perfect example of all of the things wrong with this book. First and foremost, another case of false advertising should be made. Don’t let the cover mislead you. The Hulk does not appear in this book. The story doesn’t even center around Bruce Banner. The focus is on Doc Samson and Mr. Blue AKA Betty Banner (I’ll get back to them in a moment). Some may say, but there have been entire runs before that do not focus on the Hulk. They’ve been about the people chasing the Hulk or the people whose lives have been ruined by the Hulk. This is true. But even those stories didn’t neglect the fact that at it’s core, this book has always been about man’s darker side and his attempts to control it. It’s been about the horrors of science. It’s been a psychological and often political statement about man and his desire to tame the monster within, be that a literal monster or the monstrosities of our own making, i.e. a gamma bomb. Banner was the conduit with which all of those stories were told because…well…the title of the book is THE INCREDIBLE HULK, not THE VAGUE TALES OF MR. BLUE AKA BETTY ROSS BANNER or THE ONE EYED ADVENTURES OF THE PSYCHIATRIST WITH GREEN HAIR or HOUSEWIFERY MADE BORING WITH THE ABOMO-WIFE. Subplots are one thing, but when entire issues go by and nothing of interest happens to the title character, something is definitely wrong.
So what does happen in this issue? Well, Jones once again fucks up long-time characters, that’s what happens. I thought he couldn’t do anything worse than the total misuse of the Absorbing Man in the arc that ran through last summer. But now, Jones has gone and fucked up everyone. The new stars of this book are Doc Samson and Mr. Blue AKA Betty Ross Banner. No longer is the green-haired Doc a psychiatrist. Now he’s a government-type, formerly of some type of Special Forces Unit, experienced in survival and espionage. He’s got safe houses and can fly helicopters and can McGuyver his way around and make weapons out of just about anything. Who’da thunk this shrink was such a multi-tasker? Moving on to Betty Ross, who has become so far removed from her original character, that she is literally unrecognizable. She’s received a facelift. She’s somehow been military trained (I know she was the daughter of a General, but c’mon, she’s acting like Black Widow here). She has super strength due to the Abomonation’s blood transfusion. And now, she’s giving up her oo-la-la to the good Doc Samson. Two characters; both strong supporting members of the Hulk’s cast, so completely removed from their original characters that you need the intro boxes at the beginning to tell who they are.
And finally, clones. I mean, really, Bruce. Clones? You know you’ve reached the bottom of the barrel when everything bad is written off on clones. The only thing good about the use of clones is the hope that this entire run can be written off as the actions of clones. Betty will most likely be a clone. The Doc and the Abomo-wife might as well be too. Hell, we even had a Banner-Clone last issue. So, who knows? The Bruce in this issue could be a clone as well. It would be great if the real Hulk written by a real writer would surface sometime soon, but until then, we have clones.
So is there anything good about this book? Well, the paper the book was printed on was folded correctly and the staples held the book firmly together. That’s about it. Okay maybe there’s a little more than that. I do have to say that the art on this book continues to be it’s only saving grace. Deodato is a truly under-appreciated talent in the comic book industry. But he didn’t do issue #66, Doug Braithwaite did it. And he did a damn fine job too. Even though the story behind the pictures is god awful, I must attest that Braithwaite’s pencils are realistic without being yawn-inducing. Characters are posed in natural positions and facial expressions that really grasp the ham-fisted drama Jones tries to unfold. Kudos go to Braithwaite for his work on this issue.
The question has been posed, why do I keep buying HULK month after month if I loathe it so much? Well, to tell you the truth, I’m a fan of the character. I know that’s a foreign concept to the mercenary way people read comics these days, but I’m an optimist, hoping that bad spells will run their course and be replaced with something a whole lot better. I tend to stick through comic book runs through good times and in bad, but with Bruce Jones on this title, my hopes for better days for the Hulk are nowhere in sight.
Cheap Shots!
PUNISHER #2 (1/28/04) - Garth Ennis continues to impress me with his new take on the Punisher. Get this, he's actually writing a story revolving around the Punisher. And it's not taking pot shots at the character or any of his spandex clad adversaries. As long as Ennis keeps this treatment up, I'll be along for the ride. This issue opens with an explosive (and I mean EXPLOSIVE!) action sequence. Last issue, Frank deeply wounded the top mob families of New York. This issue, he rubs salt in those wounds. The subplot involving Microchip is equally intriguing, pitting Frank's old friend against him. The ending will wish you could jump ahead in time one month to find out what happens. Those of you who gave up on the Punisher because of Ennis' misuse of the character should take a second look at this series. You'll be pleasantly surprised to see a Punisher done right. Waytago, Ennis! I knew you could do it. - Ambush BugFLASH #206 (1/28/04) - What an emotional roller coaster this issue was. Flash beats the bad guy: Feel good. Flash has to lay the bad news that he's the Flash on his wife: Feel bad. Flash gets what he needs to off his chest, and heads into a bright new day drawn by Howard Porter: Feel good. Unbeknownst to him, Flash's wife leaves him while this is happening: Feel bad. By the end, my nerves are pretty jangled. Nevertheless, it looks like THE FLASH may have turned a corner: The six issue Alberto Dose experiment is over, never having really caught on the way one might hope, and the change over may suggest that THE FLASH is back on the road to being The Comic For People Who Love To Read Comics. (It really is, you know.) - Village Idiot
WONDER WOMAN #200 (1/28/04) - This issue is the big bang-um-up brouhaha that Greg Rucka has been building up to since he took over the title. And it doesn't fail to please. Wonder Woman and Silver Swan fight from one end of the city to the next. Dr. Psycho acts true to his name, causing all kinds of chaos. And Ares laughs in the shadows at all of the conflict he has caused. Plus we get a truly classic tiff between Zeus and his wife, Hera, that will literally cause major ripples in Wonder Woman's world in the future. This issue has it all. Great story. Great characterization. Great subplots. Great art. Great action. This is a truly special 200th issue, but it makes me wonder. Why is it that an issue filled with action is considered to be a special one these days? This used to be the norm in comics. Now it is something to stand up and take notice to when an issue is well written AND contains a lot of action. The build to this issue was painstakingly slow. For four issues, very little happened. There can be a happy medium, folks. Hopefully, the payoff on the next arc won't take as long to get going and the action and the drama can be interspersed a bit more evenly. This anniversary issue features some stunning pinups by past artists, a handful of entertaining back-up stories centering on the Wonder Woman of the Gold and Silver Ages of comics, and a few well-written articles from Diana's book. - Ambush Bug
LEGION #29 (1/28/04) - Underrated gem of a series, in an underrated gem of an arc. The Abnett and Lanning writing team has managed to craft a pretty epic Darkseid story that finally manages to take LEGIONS cast of thousands and put them to good use: Fighting Fourth World parademons. Plus Superboy is around to act like a knucklehead. If you're a fan of superhero fun, here's where it's happening. - Village Idiot
JLA #92 (1/28/04) - This issue has monkey. Me like monkey in JLA. Whatever happen to Gleek? Where Gleek at? JLA always good when monkey on team. Story good, 'specially when monkey in it. Story need more monkey. Last issue monkey die. Make me sad, then mad. Monkey in this issue get sad, then mad too. Monkey in book say monkeys should be dominant species on Earth. Me like that idea. Me put on magic hat now. *Ahem* Despite the fact that my fellow primates make a rather memorable appearance and were a significant plot point in this issue, I found the story to be somewhat pretentious. I often wonder why it is that every JLA writer feels as if they have to use this periodical to make a personal, if not political, comment about some significant social issue. When a writer embarks on some crusade ripped from the headlines and utilizes the icons of the comic book industry to preach his message from a soapbox, I find myself tuning out with great haste. At this juncture, I will now remove my magic hat...Tan Eng Huat draw good monkey. Monkey good in book. All other JLA look funky. Me hope more monkey in next issue. Me make poo poo now. - Schlepy the Defecating Monkey, Official @$$hole Mascot.
Death of an Aardvark the Third
A Tales From the Crevice Special
by Vroom Socko
If you come away from this “obituary” with even a minimal interest in the story of Cerebus, if you can read only one volume by Dave Sim, then Jaka’s Story is the book to get.
Following the events of Church & State (as described here,) the city-state of Iest has changed considerably. During the time Cerebus spent on the moon, Iest was invaded and conquered by Cirin, the leader of a neighboring matriarchal government. (Think the Taliban with the gender roles reversed and you’ll get the general idea.) Taking refuge in a mountainside tavern, Cerebus is found by his former lover Jaka, who takes him into her home.
This volume, naturally, is all about Jaka, with Cerebus transformed into a supporting character. Her passions, her thoughts and feelings take center stage. Even so, mush of how her story is told depends on the three men in her life. (Excluding Cerebus, that is.)
The first is her employer and landlord, Pud Withers. Despite the laws instituted by the Cirinists, Pud is willing to hire Jaka as a dancer for his bar. He does this, of course, because he’s infatuated with Jaka. Most of his page time is devoted to those internal conversations all guys have when they’re crushing on a woman who’s out of their league. (“Hello Vroom. Oh, hi Superninja. You heading out for lunch? Nah, I’m a little short of cash this week, so I’m brown bagging. Well, I’m heading over to the Italian place down the street. You’re welcome to join me if you want. Why, that sounds like fun. I’d love to-” “VROOM! The fuck’re you staring at?” “Huh? Oh, sorry Supes, I was just… thinking.”)
The second is Jaka’s husband, Rick. A scrawny, unemployable shlep, he spends his time lying around, playing a game of his own devising with a ball and bucket, presumably because Iest merchants don’t sell Xbox Live. He’s a bit of an innocent, really. When Cerebus tells Rick he’s in love with Jaka, Rick doesn’t understand just how in love Cerebus is. It’s this innocence that Jaka loves, which is why she doesn’t like it when Rick hangs out with the third man in her life.
That man is their neighbor, Oscar. Patterned after Oscar Wilde, he’s intelligent, worldly, sarcastic, educated, and as charming as they come. He’s also the writer of a series of reads (the Iesten version of comic books,) based on information given to him by Rick, and others. He’s written about the childhood of Jaka, growing up in the household of her uncle, Lord Julius.
The read that Oscar has created constitutes roughly a quarter of the page count of Jaka’s Story. These pages are not only an excellent way to tell Jaka’s back story both creatively and economically, but is also an excellent riff on Wilde’s writing style. The accompanying images are also amazing thanks to Dave Sim’s partner Gerhard. Even though they started working together during Church & State, it is with Jaka’s Story that they hit their creative stride. Just pick up a copy and look at that first image of Jaka and her nurse together at the playground. It’s easily my favorite piece of art from Gerhard, filled with an eerie, dark beauty.
Artistically, structurally, and aesthetically, Jaka’s Story is Sim and Gerhard at the top of their game. I’m hesitant to say much about the ending, since to spoil it in any way would be a grievous sin. It is powerful, dark, and thought provoking. But in order to move on, I do have to spoil a little. All I will say is that Cerebus and Jaka are separated, and that Cerebus believes her to be dead.
This brings us to Melmoth, the sixth Cerebus trade. Death permeates this book, both in the grief of Cerebus and in the final days of yet another character based on Oscar Wilde. After a bit of fictionalized dialogue, where Oscar belittles the reading habits of the comic book readers of the time, (and today, for that matter,) all of the story involving Oscar is taken directly from correspondence and documents of the time, detailing the real life events of Oscar Wilde’s demise.
Sim’s work here is extremely clever. The grief that paralyses Cerebus through this volume is quite palpable, as is the suffering of Oscar. This is a story – no, two stories about death, which dovetail amazingly well. Oscar’s death at the end of this volume is reflected in the sorrow of Cerebus at it’s beginning. And what sorrow. He literally doesn’t move an inch over two hundred pages. And then when he does move… but that’s best saved for the next installment.
Next time, Mothers & Daughters, and the Molotov cocktail that is Reads. Until then:
Question For Discussion
What comic book character’s death affected you the most?
