Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...
I think Village Idiot did something to Cormorant. I think there’s been a coup d’etat. I’m going to investigate further. I don’t trust this Village Idiot guy and his rapid rise to power. Something’s fishy, I tells ya, but that shouldn’t prevent you from digging in to this week’s reviews by our own favorite @$$holes...
Hey everybody, Village Idiot here.
Guess what? You caught me right in the middle of whipping up a little kitchen magic. Abondanza!
And speaking of kitchen magic, we cooked up one spicy meatball of a column this week, @$$holes - Pleasing to the eye as well as the palate! Just wait till you read...*Sniff-sniff*...Do you smell something burning?
MY MUFFINS!
Table of Contents
(Click title to go directly to the review)SLEEPER #12
DC: THE NEW FRONTIER #1
SCOOTER GIRL #5
DAREDEVIL #56
FREAKS OF THE HEARTLAND #1
FANTASTIC FOUR #509
Cheap Shots!
@$$hole Casting Couch: SLEEPER
A few words about Julie Schwartz
SLEEPER #12
Written by Ed Brubaker
Art by Sean Phillips
Published by WildStorm
Released: 1/21/04
A Jon Quixote Review
Season Finale
I haven't done a lot of reviewing recently, but right now my passion for comics is at an all-time high. Generally speaking, I'm a superhero guy, so as the Big Two go, so do I - and thanks to standout titles like Flash and Supreme Power, as well as the promises whispered by the likes of Dan Buckley, Mark Millar, and Dan Slott, I'm about as optimistic and enthusiastic as I get. People always keep whispered promises, right?
But it doesn't seem that long ago that I was ready to throw in the towel on the whole thing; that my couple hundred bucks a month was better spent on porn and gummi bears. The commercially and critically successful Waid/Weiringo run on Fantastic Four was being dumped 'cause the publisher had a better idea. Geoff Johns's promising Avengers run was interrupted by a glacial arc and reports that he was ordered to pad it out because his scripts contained "too much story". Loeb pulled the rug out from under hundreds of thousands of fans as his Batman ended with a whimper. Prices seemed high, my interest hit a low, and that weekly jaunt to the local comic book store became more of a trudge.
I kept making it, though. Even though I was depressed and - worse - disinterested at the overall state of my favorite hobby, there were a handful of titles that I just couldn't let go of. Gripping, engrossing tales. Compelling characters. Fresh perspectives. Four or five books that were taking my bucks and just banging the hell out of them.
Sleeper was at the top of that pile. The simple story of an undercover superhero trapped in his role as villainous henchman, and struggling to get out. Spandex meets noir, complete with balls-to-the-wall action, laugh-out-loud black humor, nail biting tension, and the best damned femme fatale I've ever lusted after.
Every month, I would go back for Sleeper. I could go two, three weeks without visiting the shop. I didn't miss it, didn't even notice the lack of new comics on my desk. But when Sleeper came out, I was there Wednesday Afternoon, thumbing through schoolgirl porn in the Manga section while the staff filled the files with the new shipment.
Sleeper kept me going.
The plot twists, the shades of grey, I couldn't get enough. I loved the characters. I loved the structure. Every time I turned the last page on an issue I was overwhelmed with satisfaction, like when you stand up from the john after one of those grit your teeth and let'er fly craps that happen far too rarely. Each installment of Sleeper hit my brain like a literary scrub brush and left me feeling five pounds lighter with a spring in my step.
And now, as issue #12 wraps up the first "season", I think its safe to say that Sleeper can take its place among the best comic books. Of all time.
Read those words again. Those of you who don't read this title and are now furrowing your brow with skepticism, should look over at the Sleeper reader next to you going, "yeah, no shit." I'm prone to hyperbole, but here I'm being understated.
It's certainly the best series to hit shelves since Preacher made its debut. Much like Preacher, it takes the conventions of the genres it employs and spins them into a tapestry that is both traditional and completely original - it's familiar, and as a genre fan you're able to like it for meeting your familiar expectations, but it's also unlike anything you've ever read before, and you like it, love it for that reason too. It's dark and funny and shocking, and employs a look that is distinct while remaining easy on the eyes.
So put it up there. Clear out a spot on your shelf next to Dark Knight Returns and Sandman. You might want to keep it away from those Essential Spider-Mans, 'cause Holden Carver is not the sort of guy you want hanging around with Peter Parker, but it should fit nicely next to your Astro Citys. If you're new to the party, the first Sleeper trade: "In From The Cold" is on shelves now, and would look great next to that tattered copy of V for Vendetta. Sleeper has earned it.
The best part is - season two is right around the corner. We've been given a season finale in the classic sense. And I can't wait to see what happens next.
It's a good time to be a comic fan.
DC: THE NEW FRONTIER #1
Written by Darwyn Cooke
Art by Darwyn Cooke with Dave Stewart
Published by DC Comics
Released: How The Hell Should I Know?
(Psst, Buzz, it's 1/21/04! -VI)
Reviewed by Buzz Maverik
January 22, 2004
Dear Frank, It's go time! About 18 or 19 years ago, you did something great for comics. Something that had never been done with mainstream American comic book superheros and you did it with the biggest and oldest icons of all: Batman and Superman. How could you have known that almost two decades would go by and the creators who followed in your footsteps still would not be able to get past THE DARK KNIGHT RETURNS? At first glance, who can blame them? Your work was seminal, unique, disturbing and brought you (a small amount of ) fame and attention outside the comic book ghetto. It was so new and different that few to this day have noticed that the plot and characterizations are self-contradicting and the characters themselves are caricatures, very murky ones at that. Frank, because you didn't and still don't understand Batman and Superman, we keep getting treated to these pointless Supes vs. Bats brawls. Usually, ridiculously, Batman wins because YOU had him win in your story, Frank! Batman always carries a baggie full of kryptonite around in case he has to take on Superman? What's he carry around to protect himself from Wonder Woman? A bottle of sperm? Because you saw Superman as a government stooge, we get HUAC stooge Superman in DC: THE NEW FRONTIER, Frank. Superman and Wonder Woman, to be exact. It started with you, Frank, and all your fans, apparently including NEW FRONTIER writer/artist Darwyn Cooke, see Superman as some sort of prissy, fascist fink. Because goodness (and the uncoolness that goes with it) must equal weakness and stupidity. Morality must equal blind obedience. Truth, Justice and the American Way, Frank (and you too, Darwyn)! Notice that Truth is first, Justice second. These are the first two elements of Superman's creed. I like to think they get priority. The communist witch hunting of the early '50s lead by Senator Joe McCarthy, Roy Cohn and Richard Nixon was clearly based on lies and injustice. Superman is a fictional character, of course. He can and will do whatever a creator wants him to do. Unfortunately for you creators, some of us fans have seen Superman and Wonder Woman in previous stories. Some of us know that YOU didn't create them. And some of us are able to dismiss your distorted characterizations of these icons. The Superman I have always read about and watched in film and TV would never hunt down an innocent Batman for the government. And if he did, Batman wouldn't have a chance. Wonder Woman would reject man's law in this case. HUAC went after easy targets, anyway, as most bullies do. Batman, Wonder Woman and Superman would be the ultimate hard targets. I'm tired of THE DARK KNIGHTS, THE KINGDOM COMES, THE NEW FRONTIERS. If I never seen Superman vs. Batman again, that'll be one more thing I enjoy about reading comics. Now, about the rest of THE NEW FRONTIER ... I'm pretty lukewarm. Like yourself, Frank, Cooke is a better artist than he is a writer. You can't fault the art here one bit. In fact, I have to love it. I like the Losers story in the opening. It reminds me of a cool, old Marvel B-comic written by Marv Wolfman called SKULL THE SLAYER, about a guy whose plane crashes on a dinosaur infested island. Wolfman is an Edgar Rice Burroughs nut, as am I, and that comic was a pastiche of Burroughs just like this one. No complaints there. The Hal Jordan stories? Young Hal meeting Chuck Yeager was nice and good foreshadowing. But Hal in Korea... it just didn't work. Want to know why, Frank? If you do then ignore this SPOILER WARNING! SPOILER (don't say I didn't warn you, Frank!): No matter what it says in the narration, fighter pilots who don't use lethal force don't fly. I can buy the green lantern and the little blue Yoda guys and the power ring and all that crap but I can't suspend disbelief far enough to buy a fighter pilot who won't kill and who is still allowed to fly combat missions. If you haven't checked out DC: THE NEW FRONTIER, Frank, I'd advise you to pass. It is a great book to look at (except for the ugly Superman vs. Batman pic on the back cover) but it is one of these comics that is far better in idea than in execution. Thanks for letting me bitch at ya, Frankie! How about being a sport and sending me some free, autographed original artwork! And if ya know Darwyn Cooke, ask him to do the same but tell him I was really disappointed in THE NEW FRONTIER. Yer pal,
Buzz |
Scooter Girl #5 (of 6)
Chynna Clugston-Major: Writer/Artist
Oni Press: Publisher
Released: 1/21/04
Vroom Socko: Saving for a Vespa
There is something about Chynna Clugston-Major’s artwork that is just effortlessly cool. Just look at the Vespa montage in this issue, or the DJ scene later on, or that kiss at the end. Cool personified. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
The past four issues of this series have been a magnificent black comedy, much darker in tone than Chynna’s Blue Monday material while maintaining a similar aesthetic. Ashton Archer is simultaneously a smooth customer and scumbag, but despite that he manages to be sympathetic in this issue. Well, as sympathetic as a spoiled, lecherous sonuvabitch can be. His treatment of Margaret Sheldon over the past four issues has been insane. He’s done his best to seduce her, embarrass her, and even contemplated killing her. Now he’s slowly realized that he’s actually in love with her, something that he’s never felt before. Something that he’s never even considered before.
Therein, of course, lies the problem. Since Ashton has been such a massive prick for so long, there’s no way in hell that Margaret’s going to see him as anything else. But Ashton is nothing if not persistent. Plus, even when these two are fighting like cats, you can tell they have chemistry. Just how volatile a chemistry this is remains to be seen.
If this series has a flaw, it’s that we really don’t know much about Margaret, not as much as we do about Ashton at any rate. Really though, we know almost enough. She’s tough, funny, smart, and really hot looking. Yes, I think she’s hot looking. You got a problem with that? A guy can’t see something attractive in a drawing? Huh? HUH?
There’s also the subplot featuring Margaret’s antisocial brother Drake and Kitty, the girl he’s fond of. These moments are just as much fun as the rest of the book, and I wish we’d seen more of their relationship.
But these are minor complaints, especially considering that kiss. I’m not saying who kisses whom, but those two pages just look amazing. It’s easily the best artwork I’ve ever seen from Chynna. It’s absolutely beautiful, and a wonderful character moment to boot. Then there’s the page that follows, which hits hard. Damn, what a hammer of an ending.
I’m a sucker for a good romance. Just ask Superninja about the time we saw Down With Love and spent hours discussing the ending. There’s just something about a well-crafted love story that gets to me. And yet, I’m hoping that Ashton and Margaret don’t end up together. I think that the most satisfying resolution is for heartbreaker Ashton to have his heart broken in the end. It’d be the best thing for him, really. As for Margaret, perhaps she’ll fall for a tall, dark stranger from Oregon who writes for a popular entertainment website and has a passion for comics and edged weapons.
Hey, it could happen.
DAREDEVIL #56
Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Alex Maleev
Publisher: MARVEL KNIGHTS
Released: 1/21/04
In need of caffeine: Ambush Bug
DAREDEVIL #56 marks the return of writer Brian Michael Bendis and artist Alex Maleev. When we last saw Matt Murdoch, he ripped his mask off in front of a bar-full of thugs, tossed a bruised and bloody Kingpin at their feet, and announced that he would be running the show as the new Kingpin of Hell's Kitchen from now on. This was one hell of a cliffhanger; opening a door to endless possibilities of adventure for our horned hero. Then again, this is Bendis we're talking about, and with Bendis, adventure takes a back seat to lengthy conversations every time. Bendis is a master of dialog (possibly the best in the biz today), but unfortunately, dialog alone does not a good comic book make.
Issue #56, starts with an ominous conversation between Ben Urich and a mystery man. Seems that some time has passed bet-*yawn* between Matt's hostile takeover of the underworld and now, things have taken a turn for the worst. Ben narrates a lengthy tale of how Matt laid down the law *YAWN* the law and cleaned up Hell's Kitchen, leading to better times for the neighborhood. Bendis skips over all of that action though. He moves right on to what the kiddies today are clamoring for; namely circular dialog, extra-long exposition, and more word balloons than you'd ever want to count. This issue is- *yawn*. Hoo boy. The issue. *sigh* Uhm, where was I? Oh yeah, the issue centers around a conversation between Matt Murdoch, Peter Parker, Stephen Strange, Luke Cage, and Reed Richards. The heroes have come to- *sniff* to Matt to tell him what they think of Matt's actions in...in... mrflrtzblfm.... rizzzmnnnnfr z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z *snort*z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z...mnehh...z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z ...yeah, that's right, Zatanna... z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z ...see if you can pull a rabbit out of my....z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z *snort*z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z ...hn?... snakes...SNAKES!!! Wha- Who? Huh? Oh. Sorry about that, folks. Must've dozed off.
Let's skip to Alex Maleev's art. Maleev traces photographs like no other artist today. Realistic as hell. And that's necessary because people running around in red tights need to be depicted in a static, ultra-realistic fashion. His art conveys a real-world sense of action and adventure. I mean, check out the- *yawn* the panels of Matt walking. And then....and then that one lively panel where Matt is standing there talking. *sniff* Whoo. Man. *sigh* And then that other panel where Matt walks and mzriflz nmm.... rzznluzm... mehmn z z z z z *snort* z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z ...mnnz z z z z z z z z z z z z z z...Wonder Woman. Power Girl. Don't fight *snort* there's enough of the Bug for every...z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z *snort*z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z...mahh...mneh...*snort*z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z ...
FREAKS OF THE HEARTLAND #1
Writer: Steve Niles
Artist: Greg Ruth
Publisher: Dark Horse Comics
Released: 1/21/04
Reviewed by Cormorant
First off, I've got to say FREAKS OF THE HEARTLAND is a really badass name for a horror comic. Seriously. You take that title along with the cover art - a stunningly eerie image of a boy in the middle of a wheat field that seems to be all but pushing him toward a rickety old house in the middle of nowhere - and you've got what may be the most eerie comic cover of the year.
FREAKS is another entry in Dark Horse's growing line of horror comics, spearheaded by HELLBOY and backed by books like THE GOON, TALES OF THE VAMPIRES, and a whole mess o' comics written by a guy named Steve Niles. Niles is the buzz creator behind 30 DAYS OF NIGHT, another book with a great title, though when I finally got around to reading it – sadly, no chills. And the art -- oy! Ben Templesmith’s art was so murky and inept that –
Well, let’s not go off on a negative tear here. The book in question today – FREAKS OF THE HEARTLAND – is actually off to a promisingly creepy start, due in no small part to artist Greg Ruth. Ruth’s not just better than Ben Templesmith – he’s going to be one of the breakout talents of 2004. His work, like that of the unsung genius of classic horror comics, Gene Colan, combines photorealism with kinetic stylization and expressive brushwork that can only be described as “painterly.” I read his bio at his homepage and wasn’t surprised at all to learn that he was a painting major at the prestigious Pratt Institute in New York. Click here to read the first few pages of FREAKS and take a gander at his work. Note the momentum, the convincing realism, and the lovely yet sickly yellow colors that drench the Midwestern landscapes (Ruth is the colorist as well). These opening scenes aren’t overtly threatening, but already the visuals begin to convey a sense of unease. It’s just the atmosphere you want in the opening chapter of a horror story.
That kid in the opening scene is Trevor Owen, and he lives with his family in the unfortunately named “Gristlewood Valley.” Their rundown house is the same wooden ruin you see on the cover, and the family includes an angry drunk of a dad (casting call suggestion: Dwight Yoakum reprising his role from SLING BLADE), his silent, put-upon mother, and...well, they don’t talk about it much, but...that thing out in the barn that looks like the son of the goddamn Elephant Man.
It’s apparently Trevor’s brother. I guess the “chained up evil brother” is supposed to be a cliché in horror stories – it was a segment on a SIMPSON’S TREEHOUSE OF HORROR, right? – but somehow I’ve never come across the relevant movies or short stories or TWILIGHT ZONE episodes. So I don’t know which elements of FREAKS (if any) are homages or which elements are Steve Niles turning the sub-genre on its ear; I just know that what I’m seeing is disturbing, and that’s good. Like the Japanese horror comics which have impressed me lately, FREAKS OF THE HEARTLAND is slowly and deliberately paced, so that a simple walk to the barn that houses Trevor’s chained sibiling is eerie and oppressive. In fact, a full four pages are given over to Trevor going out the barn. He passes through dark hallways, leaves the light of the house for the encompassing darkness of the fields, ladles out a bucket of some kind of rotting slop (brother’s feeding time, you see), and then after four pages that’ve been divided up into five or six panels apiece, we turn the page and get a full splash page money shot of the thing that’s going to eat that slop.
It’s not vile and gory, but it is disturbing, especially in light of Travor’s casual greeting: “Hey, Will,” reads the little speech balloon that almost seems to echo in the darkness of the barn. This is good stuff. Great maybe? Not yet. I’ll need at least another issue to see if Niles can do more than atmosphere, but my initial impression is that he’s very much on the ball here. If you’re looking for fast-paced, hack ‘n’ slash horror, the slow-burn menace might not do much for you – try Rob Zombie’s crap comic - but I suspect that most everyone who appreciates a variety of horror styles will be impressed. I mean, you do get to see the monster in the opening issue. For horror story pacing, that’s practically brisk!
I’m going to give this one a shot. Maybe Niles has always been better than I gave him credit for, and he just needed a better artist to tell his tales. Maybe he’s just inspired by a good “misshapen, chained sibling” story. Or maybe I’m overestimating him because I like the art so damn well. As a horror fan who’s always watching for comics to find new and better methods for dealing with the genre, I’m willing to take that chance and see where FREAKS goes. I want to know if Will is legitimately evil or just a tragic victim of parents too ignorant to know what to do when their son was born different.
Hoping for the former, actually. Will seems to have some sort of psychic abilities in addition to his striking visual appearance. They’re just calling for an evil rampage.
FANTASTIC FOUR #509
Writer: Mark Waid
Pencils: Mike Wieringo
Inks: Karl Kesel
Publisher: Marvel Comics
Released: 1/21/04
Reviewer: Ambush Bug
What can I say about Waid’s current run on FANTASTIC FOUR? I’m loving it. For the last year, as I’ve read every issue, I’ve felt the privilege of reading a modern classic comic book run. You know, one of those multi-runs that people talk about for years and years after it has been published; like Claremont & Byrne’s X-MEN, or Peter David’s INCREDIBLE HULK, or Walt Simonson’s THOR. It’s the kind of run that sets a standard; a highmark for future creators to reach for and, if they are lucky, achieve and, if they are really, really lucky, surpass. Mark Waid is doing that in his current run on FANTASTIC FOUR. I simply love this book.
But not everyone feels this way. When I told my fellow @$$hole, Village Idiot, that I was going to review this book, he challenged me. He said that he dropped the book when Reed invaded Latveria and that I’d better make this review pretty durn good if he was to come back to the title. Well, I think this book is pretty durn good, so I accepted that challenge. For many readers, Reed’s actions in the previous storyarc centering around takeover of Latveria seemed out of character for our pliable genius. But his actions in the previous arc start to make sense if you look at it from the perspective that Reed has always holed up in his lab, tinkered together some gadget, and saved the day. Ben punches stuff. Sue protects stuff. Johnny blows stuff up. But it has always been Reed calling the shots and making the tough decisions. The other three know Reed is the one with the big brain, trust him as any family member would, and follow his lead because it has always worked out in the past. That’s why he’s called Mr. Fantastic after all. But at the end of the last issue, we find out that Reed’s decisions were not so fantastic. Even a genius can have a bad day and after having his daughter possessed, his son sent to hell, and his face melted, I’d think Reed was due to make a few bad decisions. Unfortunately, these decisions lead to the most dire of consequences. Last issue, Ben Grimm, the Ever-Lovin’ Blue Eyed Thing, was killed. And his death marked the beginning of dire times for the FF.
After a bit of a re-cap, issue #509 picks up six weeks later. The FF have been disbanded, sued into bankruptcy, and shunned by the public that once saw them as New York’s Finest Super Heroes. But Ben’s death is what’s on every member’s minds. Alicia Masters sculpts statue after statue of her former lover. Johnny sees Ben everywhere and has conversations with him even though he knows his buddy is not really there. And Reed has hermited himself away in his lab. Ben was the heart of the FF. Waid knows this. This issue mourns the passing of a fallen comrade and shows how he effected each of the other members of the Four’s lives.
But no one dies in comics, right? We know Ben’s not dead. Or at least we know that he’s not going to be dead forever. When death occurs in most comic book stories, the show goes on. Sure there is an issue or two of remorse, but then the action picks up and then when you least expect it, *poof*, the dead character surprises everyone by walking out of the shadows and announcing that the rumors of his demise have been greatly exaggerated. But that’s not the way the FF handles death this time around. There are five stages a person goes through when someone close dies. The final stage is acceptance. The thing is, Reed doesn’t want to accept this. He thinks of this as another challenge he can think his way out of and he’s got the technology to back those smarts up. Waid knows this about Reed’s character and utilizes Reed’s ego to take the remaining members of the Four to a place they have never been before: Heaven. They’ve been to the Negative Zone, across time, and to the center of the Earth. Why can’t they go to Heaven and bring Ben back?
And that’s what I love about Waid’s writing. He has now established the strengths and weaknesses of his characters and is utilizing them perfectly to continue the tale. He plays on the fact that one of the bonds Reed and Ben share is that of regret. Out of all of the FF, Ben has suffered the most because of Reed’s decision to go up in that rocket waaaay back in issue one. Waid continues this theme with Ben’s death. Reed is devastated and like Dr. Frankenstein, determined to bring the man-monster back to life. You know it’s going to turn out bad, but Waid makes the set-up filled with so much emotion that you want to see them to go to heaven, find Ben, and bring him back alive. Sure you get the feeling that Reed is doing it again; that he’s making another enormously bad decision. If you look at it, for all of his smarts, Reed’s made one bad move after another since deciding to ride a rocket through a batch of cosmic rays. This new plan Reed has cooked up smells like another bad idea, but Sue and Johnny follow Reed into the abyss once again. And you might ask, “Why?” Well, because this is a book about family and that’s what a family does. They support each other, even when the decisions one makes may not be the best. It’s kind of like on FAMILY FEUD when the game show host asks the father for something you find in a bakery and the father says “Pants!” and the family still yells “Good answer!” Yeah, it’s kind of like that.
My goal at the beginning of all of this was to try to convince those who have never tried Waid’s FF before or those out there who may have tried the book and left due to mis-characterization or over-politization or any other over-ization to give the book a shot. After writing all of these words, I still don’t know if I can do that. What I do know is that FF contains comic book conventions turned on it’s ear and made interesting. It’s got characters as old as my mother who seem fresh and new. It’s got emotion and heart and action and cliffhangers galore. Maybe this will help, when I was a little bug, I liked X-Men, Avengers, and the Hulk. I bought tons of back issues of almost every Marvel comic and read them religiously. For some reason, the FF never interested me. I knew about them, but thought they were boring. Who wants to read about a family who wears blue pj’s all day and hangs around a big orange rock guy? I read Bryne’s FF. I read Simonson’s FF. Sure they were pretty swell, but none of them made me fiend for the next issue month after month. None of them had me hoping and smiling and crying and feeling concerned for the well being of the characters and wishing that, for once, Reed’s plan; his bone-headed, misguided plan, will work out in the end. Waid’s FF does that. Give FANTASTIC FOUR #509 a try or another try. See if it has the same affect on you.
Cheap Shots!
RUNAWAYS #10 (1/21/04) - Sometimes I don’t quite connect with this book, Brian Vaughan’s ongoing tale of six runaway kids whose parents are part of a vast, evil conspiracy. But when it’s on, it’s ON, and the closest comics have come to capturing the wit and energy of a smart teen adventure show like BUFFY. This issue it’s on. And speaking of BUFFY, the RUNAWAYS kids find out that their would-be new member isn’t a mutant or an alien at all, like some of them, but he does have powers – just needs a little blood from someone’s neck to get ‘em up and running! It’s all action this issue, kiddies, with some genuinely threatening moments and a particularly pointed ending involving angst-ridden blond girl, Karolina. - CormorantROSE AND THORN #2 (01/21/04) - In this issue, Thorn fights a cowboy with a sad, sad song. Kick Ass! And in this column, Jon Quixote believes he's the first person ever to make that joke. Kick Ass! - Jon Quixote
IRON MAN #76 (or #421 for old schoolers) (1/14/04) - After ripping into Bendis for torturing me with another actionless, overwritten issue if DAREDEVIL, how can I not criticize IRON MAN for doing the same shit? John Jackson Miller has set up a pretty intriguing premise by throwing Tony Stark into the seat of Secretary of Defense, but the story has been meandering and uneventful ever since. It's been mildly interesting seeing Stark take on reporters and politicians who are out to destroy his self image before he can even begin his duties, but c'mon! Can't there be a little action thrown in too? We have Jorge Lucas, who draws an absolutely bitchin', teched-out Iron Man, and Iron Man is no where to be found. Lucas' art reflects how bored he is with drawing all of these plain clothes stiffs. It's sloppy and uninspired in this issue. I can picture him now, doing a little Lambada when he heard he was getting the Iron Man gig, and then getting the scripts and saying "I have to draw another suit and tie?" I like the political angle that Miller is taking with Stark, but would it kill him if he threw in the Melter or the Unicorn for a few panels? The covers are beautiful, but the falsest of false advertising. Iron Man does not appear in this issue. C'mon, Miller. I championed your new direction months ago. It still has a lot of promise. Quit fucking around and remember that Tony Stark is a super hero too. - Ambush BugADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN #624 (1/21/04) - As the sherbert between the main courses of Superman regimes, Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning, currently of LEGION, give us a story about Metropolis being torn to pieces by a "time storm" with Superman missing. Enter Wildstorm's Mr. Majestic, who is essentially Superman, but with less tact. Still though, to see someone who's not Superman do Superman things, and be impressed by it, can give you a new appreciation for Big Blue. In the midst of the crisis, Steel and a conspicuously fishy-acting Eradicator send Mr. M to the Phantom Zone. (And they say New York doesn't know how to treat visitors.) Lois springs him long enough for him to tell her that everyone's doomed. (See what I mean - less tact.) A diverting issue, getting the rare positive feedback from the Superman fans at the DC Comics' Superman Message Board, despite the fact that Superman isn't even in it. - Village Idiot
MARK MILLAR’S THE UNFUNNIES #1 (of 4) (1/21/04) - It’s like a “What If!” comic! What if the Hanna Barbara characters could fuck each other? What if they could say the word “fuck”? Constantly no less! And what if they were still drawn all cartoony-like, even if they were being, say, raped! Woo doggy! That’s the high concept from Mark Millar, the man who brought you the cannibalistic Hulk in his bill-payin’ book, THE ULTIMATES, and while I’m sure there’s supposed to be something acidly subversive about cartoon characters fucking and killing, the payoff’s gonna have to be bloody friggin’ brilliant to make the trip worth it. Picture FAMILY GUY with no boundaries and nothing actually funny and you’ve got the aptly titled THE UNFUNNIES. – Cormorant
The @$$hole Casting Couch!
Hi De Ho, Jon Quixote here. Our regular Casting Director, Ambush Bug, is still sleeping off the effects of the rohypnol, and when he wakes up he probably won't be in much of a mood to sit down and write anyway, so I've commandeered the @$$Hole Casting Couch And in honor of the completion of Sleeper: Season One, we're going to cast Brubaker & Phillips's grim & gritty superhero noir. Its Donnie Brasco meets Batman and if this puppy ever hits the big screen, I'm gonna be first in line.
To play HOLDEN CARVER, superagent turned mole, you have to meet two criteria. One, you have to look like you can hold your own in a fight. And two, you have to be able to convey humanity and conflict beneath your anti-hero veneer. I have a hard time seeing anybody but RAY LIOTTA (Narc) in the role.
MISS MISERY. Beautiful, alluring, and deadly - like a rose with a machine gun. Who else can better embody sex and pain than Hollywood bitch goddess LINDA FIORENTINO? Nobody, that's who. Have you seen The Last Seduction??
GENOCIDE. Holden's nigh-indestructible best friend, the book's most likeable character, and a stone-cold killer to boot. I know, you're thinking "big, dumb lummox…somebody get Vin Diesel on the phone." But I'd like to see Abraham Benrubi (Open Range) test for the role first.
JACK LYNCH. Well, his motives are mysterious, his body is withered and disfigured, and he spends the whole time unconscious in a glass tube. Sounds like a no-brainer to me.
PETER GRIMM. Carver's nemesis and one scary ass mofo. KEVIN SPACEY, give up your leading man aspirations, stop assaulting us with dreck like K-Pax, and get back to being the best character actor of your generation!
And TAO. The big cheese. The smartest, most dangerous man alive. Eccentric, charming, and deadly. Even though the book depicts him as Asian, I always thought JOHN CUSACK would be ideal.
I'm sure many of you disagree. Well, let me have it in the talkbacks! What's the matter…are you chicken?
Hey everybody, Village Idiot again. On a serious note and on behalf of all the @$$holes, we'd like to send our sincerest get well wishes to one of the giants of comic history, Julius Schwartz.
Since the 1940s, Julie Schwartz took a turn editing almost all of DC's comics. You name it, he had a hand in it; and in fact, he's largely responsible for many of the corners turned in comic history: He edited the original JUSTICE SOCIETY OF AMERICA, GREEN LANTERN, and FLASH of the forties. He moved into genre titles when superheroes went on the decline. He's the editor responsible for ushering in the Silver Age with the introduction of the rebooted FLASH in the mid-fifties. In the sixties, he supervised the renaissance of BATMAN, steering the title away from the silly stories that almost brought the book to cancellation. When longtime SUPERMAN editor Mort Weisinger retired in the early seventies, he shepherded Big Blue though the Bronze Age all the way up to the Byrne reboot.
And even if none of this were ever to have happened, he'd still be noted for being the editor who gave the first break to a kid named Ray Bradbury, back in the thirties when Schwartz was editing a science fiction fanzine.
Recently Schwartz came down with pneumonia and was hospitalized. He mended enough to be released, but now word comes that he took a fall in his home and is back in the hospital. Again, we wish him well and hope for the best.
On a personal note, I was luck enough to see Schwartz at a few panels at the 2003 San Diego Comicon last year. He was as charming as he was unflappable, rolling out stories about comic history and creators at the drop of a hat; all in that unmistakable gravelly voice of his (I can hear it now). My understanding is that Schwartz is a regular at the Con each year, and my hope is that he gets better so we can all have a chance to hear Julie roll out those stories, especially for those of you who haven't heard them, one more time.
For latest updates on Schwartz's condition, check for occasional updates at Peter David Weblog or Harlan Ellison's Message Board
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