Hey folks! The new AICN kids have teamed up to bring you some of our favorite holiday fare, some of it rather obvious, some of it rather obscure. There are some interesting exemptions this year, like A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS, THE GRINCH WHO STOLE CHRISTMAS, and HOME ALONE. Hope you'll enjoy.
CHRISTMAS EVIL (AKA You Better Watch Out) (1980)
Directed by Lewis Jackson
After the traumatic experience of seeing his mom get it on with dad in a Santa suit, Harry Stadling grows up to become this proto-stalker Santa. The movie plays up the essential creepiness of the concept of Santa: His obsession finally leads him to hacking bullies to death on the steps of a church, and making his own "special toys" to stab people in the eyes.
Veronica Rampant: This movie predates the better-known "Silent Night, Deadly Night" by a few years, but has a small and solid cult following which includes director John Waters. It's less of a hack and slash fest than some better known horror movies, falling more in the category of weird "nudie-roughies" like "The Baby" or "Bad Ronald” (which is to be expected since it’s produced by legendary exploitationeer Harry Novak.) if you like 70s sleaze more than 80s hack/slash, then this one is for you. The movie plays up the essential creepiness of the concept of Santa: Harry watches his "little darlings" obsessively through their windows, and keeps lists of their good and bad behavior in his own books (including "impure thoughts" and "poor body hygiene.") This creepy Santa even has his own Santa-van, so he can drive around leaving bags of dirt on bad children's doorsteps.
THE FAMILY STONE (2005)
Directed by Thomas Bezucha
Uptight Meredith gets engaged to Everett Stone and spends Christmas with his laid-back family, where she's not warmly welcomed. As tensions mount, hilarity ensues, and a family secret is uncovered.
Precious Roy: this is on my list for a bunch of reasons. It always feels underappreciated to me, one of the funniest light comedies I've ever seen, and one of the most poignant and endearing Christmas films I can think of. If you have ever been the odd one at a partner's family Christmas, this movie will likely really connect with you, too.
A CHRISTMAS CAROL (1951, 1971)
1951 live-action film directed by Brian Desmond Hurst; 1971 animated film directed by Richard Williams
Charles Dickens' Rebirth tale of a miser who has turned his back on Christmas has had the greatest impact of any tale on popular culture; often imitated, but seldom duplicated. Forced to confront his past self, his current state, and the fate shortly ahead of him, Ebeneezer Scrooge is given a second chance to let go of his materialism, and in doing so, finds the life and happiness that he squandered away in bitterness.
We are talking about two versions here: the original 1951 film, and the 1971 cartoon. Both editions the brilliant work of Alistair Sim as Ebeneezer Scrooge.
Precious Roy: I have such a soft spot for this version... there are moments I love in all the versions of A Christmas Carol, and moments I'm not so fond of, but this one is consistently perfect. Even the very-outdated special effects do a better job of getting the latent horror in the story-- particularly the hell that Jacob Marley is in-- than most versions.
The real treat for me is Alistair Sim's performance. He's so good as the bitter, dreadful Scrooge, but he humanizes Scrooges unkindness and selfishness to the point where you root for him to win. Add to that the other actors (including Patrick Macnee as a young Jacob Marley), the fall of Fezziwig being shown in its full horror, and Scrooge losing out on the love of his life over time. Best, of course, are the naturalistic reactions Scrooge has when he earns his redemption and the people who know him best can't accept his repentance at once. It's a rare bit of acting that I think even Olivier would have found impressive.
I truly believe that Donner's SCROOGED was inspired by this version, which features a few scenes of Alice (nee Belle) in the present day, unmarried, suggesting that perhaps not even love and marriage was not out of the question for Ebeneezer.
Veronica Rampant: The uncommonly beautiful animated special, based on the illustration style of 19th-century engravings, forced the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences to revise their rules. Originally produced for television by Chuck Jones, it later got a theatrical release, which made it eligible for Oscar consideration. After the 25 minute Christmas special won the Oscar for Animation in 1971, the jealous bitches changed the Academy rules to exclude any "originally produced for TV" animated works from consideration.
It used to be on TV every Christmas; the ghost of Jacob Marley appearing on the door-knocker used to scare the crap out of me! Watching it now, I think it must have been my overactive imagination supplying the gaping mouth from Marley's later appearance...which will still make you crap your pants.
A CHRISTMAS STORY (1983)
Directed by Bob Clark
This Christmas tale based on a Jean Sheppard's tall-tale memoir about life in fictional pre-WW2 Hohman, Indiana, and centers on Ralphie, a daydreamer pining for a Red Ryder b.b. pellet gun on Christmas morning. All along the way, he is frustrated by adults telling him he can't have the one thing he wishes for, because, of course, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid."
Precious Roy: I love the way that my Saturday morning cartoons turned out to be memetic; I discovered this watching an opera under duress, realizing I was remembering all the notes to Wagner because of that time Bugs Bunny outwitted Elmer Fudd whilst dressed as Brunnhilda. Before this movie had come out, I had long-before fallen in love with Ralphie as a Chuck Jones animation of a daydreaming boy on Saturday mornings. Clark and Peter Billingsley made Ralphie relatable to kids.
The scene with Ralph dealing with the unwanted focus of a cosplaying Wicked Witch of the West actually happened to me, once, and I'm guessing it happened to a lot of other kids, too. I never beat up a bully the way Ralphie did, but boy, did I understand that fury and that sense of loss, grieving that your heart's desire can never be yours.
I'm sure, between TBS and our culture, most people have seen this film, but if it managed to miss you all these years, God, you are in for a treat. Look it up. Pure comedy gold.
A CHRISTMAS HORROR STORY (2015)
Directed by Grant Harvey, Steven Hoban, and Brett Sullivan
Sort of a Creepshow for Christmas horror, three scary interwoven stories are told by William Shatner as a radio DJ.
"A family brings home more than a Christmas tree, a student documentary becomes a living nightmare, a Christmas spirit terrorizes, Santa slays evil."
Big Eyes: I avoided watching this movie on Netflix for a couple of years because I thought it was just another "so terrible, it's terrible" horror movie. I'm so glad I finally sat down to watch it last year, because I was so wrong! It's creepy, it's violent, and Santa is a bad-ass mofo sleigh-ing evil. The twist toward the end becomes kind of obvious before the reveal, but it's a hell of a fun ride. This is my favorite "new" Christmas horror movie, and you guys should definitely give it a watch!
SCROOGED (1988)
Directed by Richard Donner
This self-reflective version of A Christmas Carol stars Bill Murray as Frank Cross, a jaded, cynical television exec arranging a live Christmas Eve performance of the Dickens tale. Confronted by his old boss just as Marley haunted Scrooge, he is told he will be visited by the three ghosts Scrooge saw. His backstory is a bit different from Scrooge's, but also similar; where Scrooge turned to money-lending as his comfort, Frank turned to television and the quest for higher ratings. Looking through his past, we can see his damaged relationship with the kid brother who loves him and the lost love of his life, Claire, whom Frank abandoned to climb the network ladder.
McEric: What can I say that hasn’t been said about this classic send-up of Dickens’s tale of a self-loathing capitalist whose heart is transformed by the magic of the holidays? So, let’s just re-hash what’s great about it: Bill Murray, for one. He’s brilliant as he seamlessly moves from deadpan disbelief in the face of the supernatural to a madman, laughing and rationalizing with himself to the chagrin of others. Alfre Woodard as his put-upon Cratchit-assistant is exasperated and sympathetic at once, Bob Goldthwait is the unstoppable force of comedy that we’ve always known, and David Johansen (or Buster Poindexter, as many know him) is smarmy and sentimental and smelly and warm and a perfect embodiment of all the sentiment the holiday season has to offer. It’s a paradise to many, a nightmare for many others, and a beauty in itself. This fiercely satirical comedy encapsulates that probably better than any Dickensian rendition before it or since. And, of course, any time we can see Carol Kane beat the shit out of someone while smiling and winking is a good time at the movies.
Big Eyes: As a kid, I grew up with a limited collection of classics on LaserDisc (hell, that LaserDisc player finally kicked it about 2007), SCROOGED was one of them, and I'm glad for that! As you could imagine to a kid under ten, that movie was INTENSE to me. As an adult, I still get the same amount of satisfaction watching it as I did a kid, even though I understand a lot of the things in there differently these days. This is probably the best telling of Charles Dicken's classic story ever made (fight me), and this is the only Christmas movie I have watched every year without fail.
THE HOLIDAY (2006)
Directed by Nancy Myers
At Christmas, Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet do an Air BnB swap to get away from the cheating men in their lives and find new love on holiday. Sort of a Christmas-y Love Boat, actually, but with A-list actors.
McEric: This is a movie that I watch every year, along with my wife, which is a Christmas miracle in and of itself. She’s not really a cinema fan, but somehow I conned her into seeing this with me when it hit theaters and she loves it. And what’s not to love? Like SCROOGED, the movie industry, itself, is a character in the film as Cameron Diaz’s Amanda works as a film trailer editor, often finding her own life pale in comparison to the empathetic snippets she crafts for the screen. Kate Winslet is a delight in this film as her character not only finds love but also herself, and she even helps Eli Wallach’s Arthur find his gumption, once more. It’s a hefty load for a co-lead but she makes it seem effortless. The male leads (Jude Law and Jack Black) are both sensitive and relatable, and Black plays against type by being soft-spoken, vulnerable, and unmistakably likable. His scene with Winslet in the video store as he gives her a brief tour through musical scores is a slice of cinéma vérité of the time that is sadly impossible to replicate now.
DIE HARD (1986)
Directed by John McTeirnan
I feel fairly certain everyone on Earth has seen Die Hard at least twice, but in case you haven't: NYC cop John McClane flies into Los Angeles to spend Christmas with his estranged wife and two kids. His wife, Holly, works at a Nakatomi Plaza, a big high-rise office, and that building comes under attack from a dude named Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman) purporting to be a terrorist, in order to pull off a heist. There's long been a controversy about whether or not this qualifies as a Christmas film, but we say Let the People Like the Things here at AICN. It's Christmas-y. It's a Rebirth story of Man Stops Being Petty About Wife Using Own Last Name. It uses Ode to Joy and other Christmas songs. It qualifies. And the above scene only proves it.
McEric: Although Bruce Willis, himself, denies this is a Christmas film, I’m here to state unequivocally: DIE HARD is a Christmas film. There. With that out of the way, let’s talk about why it is a Christmas film that I watch every year and that sits proudly within my top 5:
I’m a 40-year-old American male. The end.
ANNA & THE APOCALYPSE (2017)
Directed by John McPhail
A zombie apocalypse threatens the sleepy town of Little Haven - at Christmas - forcing Anna and her friends to fight, slash and sing their way to survival, facing the undead in a desperate race to reach their loved ones. But they soon discover that no one is safe in this new world, and with civilization falling apart around them, the only people they can truly rely on are each other.”
McEric: Granted, this movie is very new and has only found a wide release this year, but it’s destined to be a classic and I am happy to place it in my top five. The songs are brilliant and catchy, the performances are tender and hilarious, the pacing is deft and strong, and there’s a zombie Santa Claus. That sounds like all the ingredients for a winner to me, and I cannot recommend this movie strongly enough. Though Christmas is a secondary plot device to zombies and survival, its imagery is strongly represented throughout, and there is a devilishly good musical number with not-so-subtle insinuations of making sex with the jolly fat man. Seriously, it’s a fun flick. Watch it!
FAMILY GUY presents: Road to the North Pole (2010)
Directed by Greg Colton
Disappointed with the Mall Santa, Stewie and Brian decide to go up to the North Pole to teach Santa a lesson, only to face a shocking revelation.
McEric: I may catch some flack for this but I love this Christmas special. I watch it every year, chiefly for the art style and vibrant colors. Family Guy is a polarizing program, and it garners different reactions from even stalwart fans depending on the season or episode in question. I’ve been watching it since the beginning and as much as I have to agree that it isn’t as good, it still makes me laugh at least once per episode, which is what I tune in for.
The magic of this special is its ability to create something new with a concept that is so ancient and retread: Santa Claus, his elves, and reindeer. You think you’ve seen every iteration of them imaginable and then the Family Guy writers show you their vision: dark, twisted, and oddly plausible. The montages of people preparing for Christmas, finding disappointment under empty trees, and ultimately finding joy once again in a single, perfect gift are direct throwbacks to the animated specials of yesteryear. That is what is great about this special: as dark and violent and bleak as it is, it crackles with the colors and sounds of Christmas, and the animated snow falling across the screen with pines in the distance takes you to that special time of the year. And, to be fair, I really enjoy the “Aurora Boreanaz” bit; it makes me chuckle every time.
THE SPONGEBOB CHRISTMAS SPECIAL: It's a Spongebob Christmas! (2012)
In this special, which is animated in the style of the Rankin-Bass cartoons, Plankton uses a special Fruitcake-firing tank to feed everyone in Bikini Bottom his sinister fruitcake - but the fruitcake is laced with Jerktonium, which turns everyone into jerks. The way you can tell they've turned into jerks is that a tangle of Christmas lights appears over their heads with a farting noise, and they suddenly grow giant eyebrows and a five o'clock shadow.
Veronica Rampant: The hubby and I stumbled across this one year and now it's required viewing every Christmas. The Spongebob team has lovingly rendered everything in stop-motion animation in the style of the old Rankin-Bass cartoons (which I also love), and the attention to every texture and effect is really wonderful. Plus it's a great message. Don't be a jerk: it's Christmas!
SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT (1984)
Directed by Charles E. Sellier Jr.
A five-year-old kid, Billy, watches a robber on the run dressed in a Santa suit kill his father, then rape and murder his mother in the middle of the street while his baby brother sat in the back seat of the car (loads of Holiday cheer, right?). This leads to Santa issues, obviously, and obsession with those that are naughty as the kid moves into adulthood. Eventually, the kid snaps while “coincidentally” wearing a Santa suit and we are knee deep in bodies.
V Vs. the World: This is the ultimate against-holiday genre film. I have watched this every year since 1985, the year it hit VHS. The plot is as easy as it gets. It is gloriously low-budget 1980’s horror schlock if you love the era. Also, some of the best kill gags ever. This is one of the 3 movies that get play in my household every holiday, which is leading me to question my parenting, but we enjoy it over cocoa in the glow of Christmas lights so I consider it a wash. Happy Holidays!…. and don’t be naughty!!
And let's not forget the most obvious thing possible:
IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE (1946)
Directed by Frank Capra
Capra's masterpiece is an angel looking at the life of George Bailey, American good-guy, just hours before his world goes from triumph and family honor to a bleak, horrid place. After a lifetime of looking out for the little guy (the little guy being his entire town of Bedford Falls), George falls into despair and tries to kill himself on Christmas Eve to save his mentally-challenged uncle from prison and the family from a brutal scandal on Christmas. It's a story of a man who sacrifices all the things he wants most for himself to build a family, a home, and a community; when he foolishly wishes he'd never been born, his guardian angel arrives to give him a taste of the bleaker world that would be there if George hadn't been the hero that sacrificed his own comfort to build a better world.
Precious Roy: This is the one that always gets me. It's the second-most copied story of Christmas, after A CHRISTMAS CAROL and just before the actual Nativity. I have seen this movie close to 100 times, if not more, and yet somehow I always manage to blubber like a baby the moment George's brother Harry toasts him. It's not the sunshine and light the poster would let you believe it is; it is dark, incredibly dark in places. And it is Norman Rockwell in a moving picture, a portrait not just of us all at Thanksgiving sitting down with family, friends, and neighbors to the meal, but of the Bill Collector coming to repossess our turkey at that very moment, and what the room does at that moment, that defines its humanity.
Veronica Rampant: I always thought the dark, sleazy Pottersville looked like a good time, to be honest. But I love this movie. This is the kind of borderline Socialist sentiment that I miss from pre-McCarthyite cinema. People over profits! Merry Christmas, you old building and loan!
