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REVENGE OF THE TALK BACKS vol. 3! "Hedgehog" vs THE WALKING DEAD!

Wheels here again, guys. Another Sunday …and another ‘article’ from Hedgehog. This one I found in my fridge when I went to make a bowl of cereal this morning. It was just laying there, folded neatly next to my milk. Weirdly, all my string cheese was gone as well…

Why?...

Anyway, let’s get to this nonsense. The ideas stated here do not reflect the thoughts and opinions of AICN or their affiliates. Also, I'm about 73% sure this is satire. Oh, and if any of you other talkbackers want to contribute to these; contact me. It can be anything as long as it has a geeky slant to it… and you don’t mysteriously leave them for me to find. That makes me uncomfortable. -W

 

Hedgehog’s Corner – THE WALKING DEAD

 

 

“Argh!  I’m going to eat your BRAINS!!!”

That’s what the zombies say on top TV show The Walking Dead.  And if you ask me the brains that they have been eating belong to the scriptwriters.  Zombies have trouble opening a door; so no way can they fly a helicopter.  EPIC FAIL!

As you may not know The Walking Dead wasn’t always a TV show because originally it was also a comic that was coincidentally also called The Walking Dead.  Actually comic fans don’t like comics to be called comics because it sounds childish so they insist on calling them “graphic comics” instead, which is much better.

The most surprising thing about the show is that even though it is full of zombies no-one ever says “zombie”.  Apparently, the show is set in an alternative reality in which there aren’t any books, films or TV shows about zombies.  And also in that same alternative reality there ironically ARE zombies.  But no-one calls them zombies.  I hope that clarifies things.

 

 

Actually – fun fact - did you know that EVERY show on TV is set in an alternate reality.  Take something like medical drama “ER” for example.  Surely that’s a down-to-earth gritty based-in-reality show?  But NO because on that show no-one ever goes home after a hard day at the hospital and watches ER.  Because in the alternative reality of the show ER there is no such TV show as ER!  MIND BLOWN!!!  Similarly no-one in Game of Thrones ever sits down and watches Game of Thrones on TV, so I would argue that even that show is set in some subtly different reality from our own.

Over time the TV show of Walking Dead has diverged from the comic version.  Rick hasn’t had his leg chopped off (spoiler). Andrea is still alive (spoiler). Carl is still alive (spoiler). Ezekiel’s Lion isn’t dead (spoiler).  There’s no Alpha (spoiler).  Lucille is still around (spoiler).  The plot isn’t utter garbage (spoiler) and so on.

The very biggest change of them all is that in the comic Daryl doesn’t have a crossbow.  Or a motorbike.  Because he isn’t in the comic at all!  The character was specifically added into the TV show by AMC to appeal to the lucrative redneck squirrel-eating demographic.  And what a great success it has been!  Everyone loves Daryl.  Unfortunately the actor (Norman Feedus) lives up to his name and insist on a constant supply of food, which has made him enormously overweight.  But fans love his plump roly-poly body and even had t-shirts made that say “If Daryl diets, we riots”.

 

 

The biggest villain in the Walking Dead is Governor Negan and his wife Lucille.  And if you really know your WD trivia then you’ll know that this is actually a real true fact, a woman called Lucille was really his wife (as well as a bat) and what better tribute to her memory than killing people with her namesake.  Romance is NOT dead!  (But Glenn …)

Some people complain that Negan is just TOO VIOLENT and no-one would spend all of their time with a barbed-wire covered baseball bat.  But it’s true and if they can’t accept it then someone will just have to beat it into their thick head.

The best character on the Walking Dead is CAROL.  She’s awesome, but viewers often make fun of the fact that Rick Grimes always calls her “CORAL”.  What a dumbass!  However there is a reason for the confusion because the actor who plays Rick isn’t using his real voice at all because he isn’t American, he’s actually from the Great Kingdom of Britain in England.  His real voice is English and his acting voice is American, so that’s why he says it wrong all the time.  This needs to stop right now.  Get it right English dude and give us back all that tea you threw in the harbor during the civil war!  USA! USA! USA!

 

 

If you just can’t get enough of the Walking Dead you could always try the spin-off show “Hear The Walking Dead” which is an audio-only version of the show.  Or “Dear the Walking Dead” which features people writing polite letters to the show.  Or “Tear the Walking Dead” in which enraged comic-gaters rip the comic in half.  Or “Wear the Walking Dead” which discusses the fashion trends of the show.  Or “Bear - The Walking Dead” which is about a zombie grizzly.  Or “Pear - The Walking Dead” which is a rather far-fetched fruit-based version.  Or “Rear the Walking Dead” which is an educational show about how to bring up young zombies.  Or… (Wheels’ Note: I think that’s enough now)

I don’t usually listen to the rumor mill but there are whispers that the main villains on the new season of WD will be “the whisperers”.  If you’ve read the comic then you know what a terrifying foe they will be.

Whispering everywhere.  Pretty scary, yeah?

Can’t wait to see what the show’s special effects guru Greg Nicktoons does with them.  His CV is amazing!  Did you know that he designed the terrifying creatures in Evil Dead, the horrifying alien in The Thing and the nightmarish abominations in My Little Pony 7: Funland Rainbow Party.

Zombies may not be real but the show itself IS definitely real and worth watching. If you’ve never given it a try make sure to start right at the beginning and watch all of the episodes in order.  We had to suffer through season two where they all sat about on a farm for months on end so I don’t see why you shouldn’t go through that too.  Talk about utter horror!

One of the best things about the Walking Dead is that people can get killed off at any moment.  This keeps the viewers on their toes and makes it really stand out from predictable shows like The Bachelorette in which the kill-count is kept to an absolute minimum.  As soon as viewers of WD have come to know and love someone they are brutally eliminated, never to return.  Just ask Frank Darabont.  Ha!  Take that multi-million pound global corporation AMC - WICKED BURN!!!

 

 

Well, hopefully we’ve all learnt a lot about The Walking Dead.  I’m looking forward to watching the characters, in particular Rick Grimes and Maggie, for many years to come.  I’m sure you are too.  Remember to keep eating those brains and always double-tap.  ARGHHHH!!!

Love and Light,

- HEDGEHOG

 

 

 

Email: HedgehogAICN@mail.com

Twitter: @HedgehogAICN

 

Previous entries in this series:

REVENGE OF THE TALK BACKS vol. 1! "Hedgehog" vs THE MEG

REVENGE OF THE TALK BACKS vol. 2! "Hedgehog" vs James Bond

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