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REVENGE OF THE TALK BACKS vol. 1! featuring commenter "Hedgehog"

Wheels here.

So, the Talkbacks have long been a staple of our website. We understand the historical significance of them and that they give a voice to YOU, our readers (and critics). We know that unique and interesting voices spring from them.

That's why I’m here today. We are constantly looking for ways to evolve AICN and I think this... I ...I can't keep this up.

Look, this person would not stop bombarding me with these things they claimed were 'articles'. It was all good until I started finding them in my mailbox and in the passenger seat of my car. So let's just do this... BUT...

Let it be known that the thoughts and opinions expressed here DO NOT reflect those of the staff of AICN or its affiliates. Frankly, we don't even understand most of this (we are pretty sure that it's satire?)... but here we go:

So, it's come to this... Ladies and gentleman, I give you the Talkbacks' own "Hedgehog"


Hedgehog’s Corner - SHUT UP MEG

Cowabunga dudes! Yes, king of animated comedy Matt Groaning is back. After massive success with The Simpsons, Futurama and Family Guy he has now turned his attention to the world of fantasy with DISENCHANTMENT lead by Princess Bean.

It definitely is a fantasy world because what could be crazier than a show with a woman in the lead role? It’s certainly a first for Matt as his previous shows have always put the ladies in the background.  While the male characters are all fully-rounded and distinctive individuals ranging from the Simpson’s Apu (a crude racial stereotype) to Futurama’s Hermes (a crude racial stereotype) and even to Family Guy’s Cleveland (err, a crude racial stereotype) his women have always been one dimensional.  Madge has blue hair, Lisa plays saxophone and Meg is always being told to shut up.



In fact Meg is an interesting case. She is portrayed as a dowdy miserable failure, but did you know that she is voiced by Miley Kunis who in real life is extremely successful and attractive and used to be Hannah Montana?  Fun fact – her Dad is Billy Ray Cyrus who played bounty hunter Lando Calrissian in the rubbish pre-Disney Star Wars.  He tried to chat up Leia but she was having none of it, and that certainly gave him an “Achy Breaky Heart”.



But the big question that we all want answered is where did the catchphrase “Shut up Meg” originate?  Let’s find out!

Do you remember Meg Ryan from lots of years ago?  America’s sweetheart they called her.  Funnily enough, she isn’t actually American, but Canadian! (Dannie’s Note: Wikipedia check please).  With her frizzy hair, frizzy clothes and frizzy eyes she was everyone’s dream girl and a great actress.  She could portray anything from a happy-go-lucky ditzy girl next door type to another slightly different happy-go-lucky ditzy girl next door type.  Just like Forest Gump said with Meg Ryan you never know what chocolate you’re going to get, except in this case the chocolate is actually a film role and they are all pretty much the same.  But I think the point is still valid.

Anyway, her first film was “Inner Space”.  An amusing 80s action/comedy hybrid in which Dennis Quaid isn’t injected into a rabbit - great premise, eh?  A film about something that doesn’t happen.  A bit like ET is a film in which an alien doesn’t die (spoiler) and Ladybird is a comedy in which the audience doesn’t laugh.

In IS (Inner Space) Meg had the standout role in the movie by playing a girlfriend. She had it all. Looks, hair, clothes, shoes and, most importantly, an ability to simper to make men feel good about themselves.  She really is the queen of simper and that skill could take you a long way in the male-dominated Hollywood of the 1980s.  Men called Hollywood the “dream factory” but for women, it was more like a nightmare.  And it wasn’t a factory so much as a place that made movies.  But I think the point is still valid.



Anyway, Inner Space ends with Meg driving off in a car with Quaid. But there’s a twist! Is it really him? I can’t remember to be honest, I saw it years ago and don’t have total recall but I think he said “I am the real Quaid” so she’s probably going to be OK.  Most amazingly of all Meg and Dennis actually got married in real life, so the movie came true.  Who says dreams never come true.  Because it did come true.  FACT!

Next Meg Ryan was seen in another vehicle. It was a Tom Hanks movie that turned out to actually be not one but two identical films that surprisingly are actually different. Of course, I’m talking about Sleepless in Seattle and You’ve Got an Email. One of them ends on the top of the Empire State Building but I bet even Hanks couldn’t tell you which one it is! Anyway, it’s one of them and clearly, this dates the film pre-9/11. Sorry guys, no sequel for you! (Dannie’s note: bad taste, could get emails from “truthers”, consider cutting this please). Ironically Hanks was in another film about the Twin Towers called “Incredibly Bad and Amazingly Long” but no-one saw that one because Meg Ryan wasn’t in it.



The interesting thing about “You’ve Got an Email” was that it introduced the film-going audience to the idea of “an email”.  Hence the title doofus!  This was a revolutionary idea at the time and the audience was stunned by the new technology.  But they were even more amazed that Tom was sending her nice messages about bookshops rather than abuse or a dick pic. Hard to believe but it’s true crazy times!

But now it was time for Meg’s big break – a leading role in When Harry met Sally.  Initially, the role of Harry was going to be played by Simpson’s writer Harry Shearer, but he was beaten off by Billy Crystal from TV show “Soap” and other long-forgotten stuff. WHMS (as no-one calls it) was a smash hit and everyone loved the scene in which Meg gave a restaurant an orgasm.  It was hilarious and soon everyone was quoting the famous line “I’ll have whatever she’s having that made her have an orgasm too please” said by some old lady who was in the same restaurant.  Classic!



What most people don’t know is that the whole scene was improvised and Meg’s orgasm noises drowned out Billy Crystal’s jokes.  He was furious and that’s when we heard the famous line “Shut up Meg” for the first time.  (Dannie’s Note: not sure this is right, please check on Wikipedia)

Unfortunately after that Meg’s career went into a decline.  She took loads of drugs (Dannie’s Note: … umm … please run this past legal before publication), got divorced from Quaid and made some rubbish films and TV shows. Everyone forgot about her.  Until 2018 when she made her long-awaited comeback playing against type as a prehistoric shark in the Jason Statham blockbuster “The Meg”. 

Welcome back Ms. Ryan, now you’ve got all those rows of razor-sharp teeth we’ll never tell you to shut up again!




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