Hey folks, Harry here with Light House Shines... and he hated my movie. I mean, I thought because I was in it, the movie would be heralded by the world. From the folks I've talked to, the movie is testing all over the place... with the people hating it, loathing it... and the people liking it... really liking it, but feeling that it is perhaps a bit odd for most folks they know. Now, personally.... It drives me nuts, but ya know... This film will be designed out the wazoo... and at one point it had a very fun script. A billion budget cuts and a heavy handed executive cleaver... and you have a film that could very well of been brilliant, albeit expensive, and beloved. Sadly... now we seem to have a film that's a fifty fifty bet. Feeling lucky?
Dear Harry,
Since you are in this film I thought you might want to see what I had to say about the film which is not very good I am sad to say.
MONKEYBONE
My God is this film fucking awful! And I mean really, really deep down
in the pit of your stomach explosive diarrhea for days awful! No wonder
20th Century Fox has gone so far out of their way to keep this film
a secret as they even bussed people to a (secret) test screening once or
twice to make sure no one could sneak into the theatre and review this
piece of hot steamy crap. As I cannot tell you how utterly disappointed I
am or was in viewing this film and I am such a huge animation fan who in
turn was really looking forward to this film as well as majorly forgiving
when it comes to animated films in general. Specifically because I know
how much hard work, time and effort goes into making such a film,
especially on such a grand scale as this film attempts and fail miserably
at. For truth be told people everything the animators did in or for
this film, before, after and during to make it was all for naught as this
film will never be anything other than an example of how not to make an
animated film. As well as a prime example of abject failure that will
forever be referred to with the same amount of disdain and irreverence as
such animated flops as Cool World. Who you think would
actually have a lot more going for them then this film ever did or could
hope to.
Which in case you didn't know already is primarily about a comic book or
comic strip character affectionately called Monkeybone. A
rambunctious little monkey boy who is in essence a walking talking hardon,
although not as much fun on lonely cold nights or nearly as funny the
film's creators would hope and pray you think he is! For Monkeybone
is the perverted creation of Stu Miley/Brendan Fraser ( S.Miley-get it?!
It is a funny!), a severely (or formally severely) traumatized man. Who
as part of his ongoing therapy to rid himself of hellishly gruesome and
constant nightmares or night terrors was encouraged by his dream therapist
Julie McElroy ( Bridget Fonda proving to be less entertaining that watching
bread rise yet again) to draw with his left hand instead of his right
hand. Which speaking as a right handed person and an artist is also a fun
and interesting way to make people dyslexic who previously were not
( Seriously, look it up). Who as a result of being cured of his
nightmarish visions...God only knows how or why?! Falls hopelessly in love
with Dr. Julie and plans to wed her at first opportunity. That is if only
he can get out of a stupid party thrown in his honor because who would
want to attend a party just for them. For you see Stu is
about to become very, very rich as his Monkeybone character has
just been made into a cartoon series for Comedy Central and will
shortly become part of a huge nationwide marketing campaign of
Monkeybone related products like childrens clothing, stuff toys
and happy meals. That is if Stu can ever get with the program and actually
sign on the dotted line, like his good friend and business manager played
by Dave Foley desperately wants him to. But like I said Stu isn't in it
for the money because he is obviously insane!
So after successfully ducking out of his own party Stu and his would be
wife get into a minor car accident after an inflatable Monkeybone
doll or raft accidentally blows up in their car making them crash. Which
results in Julie not getting so much as a scratch on her pretty little
white head while Stu falls into a deep, deep coma. Right about the point
in the film when the real fun begins, although truth be told this film was
about as fun as a attending a birthday party for a recently deceased
child. But then again who says that being dead or in a life threatening
coma can't be fun as the people in Down Town sure seem to have a
lot of fun! As Down Town is apparently the funnest rest stop
ever for anyone who has ever suffered a severe blow to the head or whose
life is dangling vicariously from a thread...Although if you ask me
Down Town looks more like Coney Island if Coney Island was one big
crack house than anything else. As all the citizen or should that be
denizens of Down Town are a fanciful mixture of people in comas,
mythical creatures or other flights of fantasy. Oh did I forget to
mention that apparently everything having to do with our dreams or
sleeping lives also reside in Down Town as
it's apparently a pretty important fact in this film. Otherwise how else
would Monkeybone be able to meet his creator in the flesh so to
speak and subsequently annoy the hell out of him and the entire audience
at the same time! For Monkeybone as well as
every single person and thing in Down Town is not funny at all and
doesn't even make sense which is probably the greatest problem with this
film. It doesn't make any sense, not one tinny tiny bit and it's
frustrating as hell!
Like the fact the people temporarily residing in Down Town can only
leave if they are giving and exit pass which in turn is only given out by
death ( Whoopi Goldberg obviously in need of crack money). Now keeping
that in mind wouldn't you think that an exit pass from death or one of
death's minions would in fact mean death, since that is the final exit not
to wax psychotic. Yet in this film is becomes a driving force for the plot
as both Monkeybone and his creator attempt to steal an exit pass
from death and return to the land of the living for Stu is quickly running
out of time. Mainly because his somewhat cold blooded sister in the real
world ( A wonderful Megan Mullally from Will & Grace), is just
itching to pull the plug on her baby brother ( I guess they do not like
each other very much?). But things naturally don't go according to plan
for even though they successfully steal the exit pass Monkeybone
doublecrosses and knocks Stu out even though he is already technically out
in a coma and takes his exit pass. Thus it's that naughty little imp
Monkeybone who returns to the real world and not good ol' doormat
Stu. Who is subsequently thrown in coma jail by Hypnos the Greek God of
dreams (Giancarlo Esposito) as he made a back door deal with
Monkeybone and planned for everything to happen just as it did.
Since Hypnos likes it when people have nightmares, especially the kind of
horrific nightmares that Stu had when he was a different kind
of crazy and wants that to the norm for everyone in the waking world
whether they like it or not. Hence the reason why he sent
Monkeybone on a mission to secure some nightmare juice ( yes it is
actually referred to as nightmare juice in the film although it looks like
like grape Kool-aid) that Dr. Julie created for whatever reason and spread
it throughout the world insuring that everyone on Earth suffers
continuously from the most depraved and disturbing nocturnal visions night
after night after night, day after day. Basically because Down
Town can get a little boring and all the people have to watch for fun
and entertainment is other people's dreams from the real world, nightmares
being their absolute fave.
And that aside from Stu attempting to return to the real world anyway
he can to stop Monkeybone is pretty much the entire plot or
premise of the film in a dirty little nutshell. That could have been
better as well as moved a lot smoother if only a few things were actually
handled correctly like the acting, dialogue, animation and character
development. For one of the biggest problems with this film was the fact
that one if not the main character is probably the least appealing thing
about the movie as a whole. Since Monkeybone is sadly not funny at
all or even remotely enduring and he really needs to be if this film is
to be a success or even remotely watchable. For as it stands now there is
nothing redeemable about this movie and that even goes for the animation
which really ticked me off for when are people going to learn that
animation is probably the only medium where you have absolute control over
everything you can imagine as long as you actually have an imagination to
begin with! Which is something this film desperately needed and still
needs because it was just painful to sit through this film as well as a
total waste of my time and everyone else who was there and that's such a
monumental shame for all the people who worked on this
film, especially the animators as I know no one will ever remember
this film for it's animations if anything else at all.
As always if you have any questions and/or comments please feel free to
send them to
lighthouseshines@hotmail.com and someone will get back to you just as
soon as possible-THANKS!
Sincerely,
Light House Shines
