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Hedgehog’s Corner – BACK TO THE FUTURE


BACK TO THE FUTURE is the best film ever made.  FACT! And even better than that it is actually a trilogy of approximately three films.  Triple treat!

BTTF (which is short for BACK TO THE FUTURE) is set in the dim distant past of 1985.  This is long before people had things like mobile phones, internets or proper shoes so life was pretty tough.  We first meet the hero of the film who is MARTY played by Michael Jamie Foxx and he is breaking into a house to steal a guitar.  But he gets caught when he makes too much noise and as a penalty he has to help Doc Brown with one of his evil experiments. (Although first he has to annoy Hughie Lewis by playing one of his own songs to him at the talent show audition, bad idea Marty!)

Anyway Doc Brown hates dogs and invents a machine to kill them.  His plan is to send a dog back in time to the early 1900s and get Einstein to eat them or something but luckily his plan fails and the dog survives.  Whew! His machine looks like a De L’Oreal sports car and even though it looks stupid at least it smells nice (to cover the horrible dog smell). The car has gull wing doors which means it can fly too which is awesome although it doesn’t do this until the end (spoiler!)

Having failed to steal Doc’s guitar Marty now decides to steal his car.  First he gets some Liberal hippies in a VW van to shoot Doc and then he roars off in the car – it’s the perfect crime!  But there is one thing that Marty didn’t know. The car is really a TIME MACHINE a bit like the time machines you see in other films and before you know it Marty is in 1955 which is like hundreds of years ago and they don’t even have color TV or anything so it is worse than the dark ages.  How will he get out of this one?

Well Marty checks the phone book and after finding and killing three Sarah Connors he finally finds Doc.  Luckily Doc has also travelled back in time so he is in 1955 too; otherwise Marty would have been on his own and in REAL trouble.  Whew!

Doc is pleased to see Marty and happy that his hated dog is not around (because he hasn’t been born yet, please try to keep up) so they make a plan to go to the Prom and punch Biffy the Bull.  The prom is called “Enchantment in the C” because the band have been told to play all of the songs in the key of C so imagine the shock when Marty turns up, steals ANOTHER guy’s guitar and plays a song in the key of B!  You know it’s in B because the song is Johnny “B” Goode (and because he tells the band to play it in B so that too). Really the song is by Chuck Berry who hasn’t even been born yet so that is a REAL time travel paradox.  Work THAT one out so-called time scientists!

Before playing the song Marty tells the band to “watch me for the changes” which is wise advice because he is changing from being alive to being dead!  This is because his parents haven’t made him by doing any sex stuff yet so he may never exist in the future unless they do it right now and luckily the song he plays is so romantic that they have a baby Marty and the future is saved.  Whew!

Now the only problem is how to get Marty back to 1985.  Luckily there is some lightning and it hits the car at 88mph but it sends it the wrong way to 1885 instead – nightmare!  The year of 1885 is full of cowboys and ZZ Top. Marty ends up living on a sheep farm, but he can’t sleep because the sheep are too noisy so the farmer says “Better get used to those baas, kid” (This is my favorite joke written by me, hope you like it as much as I do)

How is Marty going to get out of this one?  Well luckily Doc has also been hit by lightning I guess because he has also time travelled back to 1885 as well!  Not only that but he has built a weather project that is a time machine that is a De L’Oreal that is a train that will save the day.  Whew!

First however Marty has to fight some cowboys and not be a chicken and then he turns evil.  He gets shot and doesn’t die so I guess he is now the Terminator or something. Meanwhile Doc meets and falls in love with Clara.  She is another time traveller but she has come from Doctor Who. Doc and Clara make some babies (called Jules and Verne, named after the famous science fiction authors Jules and Verne) and use their time-travelling train to go back to 1985 to crash into the De L’Oreal and destroy it forever and hopefully kill evil Marty into the bargain.  However Marty jumps out just in time. Curses!

The train then flies off and ends up in the DISTANT FUTURE of 2015.  Ha ha, this is so stupid; everyone knows that 2015 was a few years ago and NOT in the future.  What a bunch of dumbasses. But how does Marty get there too when he was stuck in the past? Well it is all pretty obvious really.  He had a magical almanac which is like a book full of sport facts (like “baseball is boring”). In the book it tells him how to get to 2015 so there is your answer.

Anyway in 2015 the world is run by President Biff who, despite being president, still likes to ride around on a “Pit Bull” hover board and fight with Marty.  Then there is another Biff from the past and Marty is at the Prom again and there are TWO Docs and it all gets very confusing. But luckily there is a happy ending as the De L’Oreal gets hit by lightning AGAIN and explodes and everyone is killed apart from Marty who gets a letter in the middle of the road in the rain saying “Where we’re going we don’t need roads” and they are right they don’t need roads because they are all dead.  The end.

So, I hope you have enjoyed this recap of the BTTF films.  If you’ve never seen them then please watch them before reading this article, I’d hate for you to see any spoilers.  But for all of us who know and loves these films this has been a roller coaster of remembering things. We’ve laughed, we’re cried and we’ve probably forgotten some things and put them in the wrong order.

Will there be a BTTF 4?  Let’s hope not, they’d only ruin it by casting Marty as Eric Stoltz or something.  In the words of Doc Brown “Where we’re going (i.e. later in 2019) - we don’t need BTTF4”.


Hedgehog xxx




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