Ahoy, squirts! Quint here with the fourth and final installment of the 2013 Holiday Gift Guide. I saved some of the best stuff for last, so I hope you're ready to do some serious window shopping!
Below you're going to find Collectibles, Toys, Cool Christmas Ornaments and the ever popular Rich Stuff which is exactly what it sounds like: nothing but crazy over the top stuff for the ridiculously rich.
If you're ready, I'm ready. Let's finish this sucker off!
Cheap ($24.99 and under)
Sharks with Frickin' Laser (pointer)s on their heads! I've been wanting to get a laser pointer to fuck with my cat for a while now and I think I just found the perfect candidate for the job... $16.99.
This thing is gross and awesome and disturbing and weird and awesome and icky and awesome. Your computer has so much power, why not make sure some of it is diverted to making a tentacle move via USB? You can pretend you have an Elder God in your laptop! $19.95.
These cute little monsters (except for Gizmo, he ain't no monster, he's cute and cuddly and sings and is nice) are made to hang onto your cords... computer power cord, headphones cord and whatever other devices you use every day that requires some kind of cord. Currently available for pre-order. You get all six for $19.99.
Lock your fruit cellars! It's Henrietta from Evil Dead 2, played by Ted Raimi: the toy! $18.97.
Ah, little Sam from Trick R Treat. He stands 8” tall and is battery powered! He walks and plays sound clips and music from the movie! $24.99.
You can put your money into that Creature! He's a bank, but he looks mighty cool just as he is, I must say. $21.89.
Creature's not alone! There's also a Frankenstein bank bust which looks just as cool. In fact there are a bunch of Universal Monsters bank busts out there, including The Bride and The Wolf Man. They all stand 8” tall and are super cool. You can get Frank for $19.99.
Why should humans be the only one to get toys over the holiday season? Here's one for the Marvel pooches out there, a Hulk Fist Pull Toy. $9.99.
Ah, Viewmaster how I loved you in my childhood days. If you have kids, this is a great way to share a piece of your childhood. This Spider-Man viewmaster comes with Ultimate Spider-Man cartoon reels, but the best part is that it's the exact same Viewmaster that we had as kids, so if you still have your old Viewmaster reels lying around they'll work in this one. $14.99.
Thor's hammer that also acts as a metal detector. I have no idea how this became a thing that exists, but I love that it does. You charge it in a customized base and then use it to find metal. It flashes and makes energy fizzle sounds when it detects metal. It's pretty big, too. It's not quite full sized, but it's real hammer sized. How much more awesome would air travel be if you were wanded down by TSA agents with Thor's hammer instead of that regular little metal stick thing? $9.00.
For you Borderlands fans here's Claptrap done up all gentleman-like with top hat, printed tux and monocle. He doesn't ship until January, but he's so refined it's worth the wait. Rather. $18.99.
No, you sicko. That's not a Doctor Who sex toy. It's a Dalek eye stalk flashlight. Get your mind out of the gutter! $23.75.
Little R2-D2 lives in this snowglobe and wants to give you presents! This is indeed a mini-snowglobe, so it's a perfect stocking stuffer. $9.99.
One of my favorite toys I picked up this year was Neca's awesome Friday the 13th NES video game Jason. It was a comic-con exclusive and I thought a one off, but it proved to be so popular and cool that they've continued the line with the video game Freddy and now on pre-order is RoboCop. The packaging is almost cooler than the toy, designed to mirror the old school video game box look. The previous video game figures have sold out and become highly sought after, so if pre-order if you want it at retail price. $19.99.
These two plushes are frankly awesome. What a great idea. First you have a squeezable alien whose teeth pop out when you push his tummy and then you have poor half Bishop. Pair them and you have a gift that every Aliens fan will cherish forever. $29.99 for the xenomorph and $19.99 for Bishop.
An Alien Egg that launches a facehugger. You guys, it's an alien egg that launches a facehugger! And it lights up! $31.95.
This 2-pack gets you Hicks and the alien he's splattering with his handy shotgun that he keeps on him for close encounters. It's nerdy awesome to have a Michael Biehn action figure and the chunks of xenomorph flying off are super frickin' cool. You can have them both for $41.95.
Don't forget Hudson's in on this fight, too! Hicks above is available now, but this Hudson vs Alien 2-pack doesn't ship until January. $34.99.
In 1979 Kenner toyed with the idea of putting out Alien 3 ¾ inch figures, but decided against it. They got into the prototype stage with them before pulling the plug and now, after all these years, those figures will finally see geek shelves thanks to Super 7. For one price you get all five figures (Ripley, Kane, Ash, Dallas and the Xenomorph) each in their own vintage Kenner-style retro blister package . Sadly this doesn't ship in time for Christmas, but we all know you're just buying this for yourself anyway, so place your pre-order now! $64.99.
Yay for Gremlins 2! I love that movie and this is my favorite of the mutated Gremlins from the flick. It's just creepy beyond reason and now the Spider-Gremlin can infest your house! This sucker is really big, too. 10” tall and 15” wide with 30 points of articulation. Pre-order the Spider-Gremlin for $47.99.
Full Moon is offering up a little resin statue that recreates the Ghoulies poster. It's only about 4” tall, but I was so shocked to see anything Ghoulies-related offered for sale this holiday season I couldn't help but throw it on the guide. $30.00.
This 12” ET foam replica looks pretty sweet. Made of foam rubber with a great attention to detail, this guy is new to the market and is looking for a good home... until he gets homesick again and uses your Speak & Spell to call for a ride back to his planet. But before he goes you'll have time bond with him, don't worry. $25.99.
I don't post much Lego stuff in the guide mostly because I'm not very knowledgable about them. For the price I don't get why they're a big thing, but I also recognize that there's a huge fanbase for them and every once in a while I see a Lego set that screams “awesome” to me. The Back to the Future set is one such Lego set. How sweet is this? Build your own DeLorean with movie accurate details like the Flux Capacitor and the Mr. Fusion on the back. $32.00.
Imported from Japan, this 1964 style Godzilla is crazy articulated. Click the picture above and watch the video... they show off how articulated he is by essentially turning him into a stop motion puppet and it works! The nicest old school Godzilla figure out this year, hands down. $59.48.
Hot Toys is putting out an amazingly detailed huge ED-209 next year and it's amazing looking, but also mega expensive (he's down in that section of the guide if you want to scroll down and visit him), so I wanted to include a more affordable option. Neca's putting out a 10” ED-209 early next year that is fully posable and even has authentic sound and dialogue from the movie. Now you know. $69.99.
If Siri already creeps you out, now you can pair her with one of the most famous human-hating AIs in the history of film. The above is a HAL9000 speaker and speakerphone set up that also comes with a remote so you can activate Siri. The speaker amplifies her voice and the red eye pulses when speaking. You can use this as a speaker phone. This piece of awesomeness is on sale right now for $29.99.
If you like cheesy sci-fi as much as I do, the idea of having your own mini-Theremin to make whacked out crazy sci-fi sounds should make you salivate just a little bit. This mini-Theremin is sold by Thinkgeek and appears to be a Japanese product because, apparently, the instructions are all in Japanese. But if you buy it, they've included English instructions on the website, so bookmark and buy if that's your plan. $39.99.
Now almost $30 is ridiculously expensive for a 4gb Flash Drive, but this isn't your ordinary USB memory stick. This one is a TARDIS. I know there's a geeky conflict within you. A TARDIS flash drive is awesome, but in a twisted inversion of the whole concept of the TARDIS the flash drive has a smaller capacity than it should. Wrestle with that for a bit. $29.90.
I've been scratching my head for years as to why there weren't any Fallout Bobbleheads on the market. It's a natural fit. In the game finding these little figures gave you permanent bonuses to different attributes. Each bobblehead was tailored for whatever attribute you got a bonus for: lockpicking, endurance, strength, repair, etc. Now finally Bethesda has gotten on the ball and are finally releasing bobbleheads, starting with 7. You can get them individually via their website, or you can save some money and buy them in a bundle exclusively at GamingHeads.com. I ordered my bundle the second I saw they were available... and now I feel the urge to start my fourth run through the Capital Wasteland... $79.99.
This Christmas sees the release of one hell of a figure. Behold Bioshock Infinite's Patriot, a weaponized George Washington robot who sucked all the weenies trying to beat early in the game. This sucker stands 9” tall, has 20 points of articulation and comes with two different heads. That's all pretty good for only $29.99.
Staying in the Bioshock Universe, here's a replica of Booker's Skyhook, the device he uses to ride the rails all around Columbia. Not only is it 1:1 scale, it's also motorized, so with a squeeze of the trigger the gears turn and the hooks spin. It's also made of metal, wood and leather. All that for only $69.99.
HBO once put out a 14” tall Iron Throne, but that's out of production and long gone. However its little brother is here. Standing only 7” tall, this little guy is still awesome and a much safer way of owning the Iron Throne than trying to take the big, big one by force. $51.48.
For those model builders/movie geeks out there, how about this Moebius model kit of Mel's Drive-In? Most people born after 1975 know Mel's from American Graffiti, but it was a real chain of drive-ins and there's still some about. I've been to the one in Hollywood a few dozen times (yay for 24 hour dining). It's 1/87 scale and full of good old fashioned American nostlgia! $41.74.
Norman Reedus' Daryl Dixon has become one of the key reasons for keeping up with the show week to week. They're underusing him this season, I think, but perhaps that's done on purpose and they're backloading Daryl-centric episode because he's so awesome. Shipping next week is McFarlane's 10” Deluxe Daryl Dixon Action Figure (complete with removable poncho). $38.64.
Diamond Select's Enterprise E ship lights up, makes Enterprise-y sounds and even features Captain Picard's voice booming out from it. I'm assuming it's his Star Trek lines, but how awesome would it be if somebody messed up and it was his dialogue from Extras? “But it was too late. I had seen everything.” $82.50.
Brown and Yellow Suit Wolverine, the best Wolverine suit ever? Survey says yes! $59.50.
His name is R2-D2 and he's here to bust a nut. Or maybe even a dozen nuts. Possibly your nuts. Okay, I'm out of innuendos. He's a nutcracker, get it? Get it? He cracks nuts. That's what he was made for... Nutcracker. $29.99.
Now you can own an inflatable R2-D2 that you can roll around via remote. Guaranteed to terrify cats and keep girls out of your apartment. $49.99.
Based on Ralph McQuarrie's original concept drawing of C3PO comes this limited edition Gentle Giant bust. He looks so happy! $67.01.
Hey, look! It's Sy Snootles! Remember her, the one that sang that jazzy song at Jabba's Palace before that CG monstrosity was inserted into that scene? Fuck that singing dog thing forever with all the space dicks. $48.99.
How sweet is this? All the nostalgia in the world trapped in one box! Luke's landspeeder has been re-issued in this Vintage packaging. Those toy marketing guys at Lucasfilm are evil! Brilliant, but evil. $46.99.
Star Wars Black Series is like their premium toy line. If the 3 ¾ inch toys are coach, the Black Series is first class. They're 6”, come in nifty box packaging and are more highly detailed. You can try to hunt them down at the local Toys R Us, Wal-Mart or Target or you can order complete runs of each wave. Each wave contains 4 figures and runs $79.99. Wave 1 features Darth Maul, R2-D2, X-Wing Pilot Luke and a Tattoine Stormtrooper, Wave 2 features Boba Fett, Slave Leia, Greedo and Episode IV Han Solo and Wave 3 features Bespin Luke, a Stormtrooper, Ewan McGregor Obi-Wan and another Han Solo .
The Black Series had a variant made for both San Diego Comic-Con and Star Wars Celebration and sold only at those shows. It's Boba Fett and Jabba's prize: Han Solo frozen in Carbonite. If you weren't able to travel to either show you can still pick it up (at a markup, of course). $149.99.
Here's another Con exclusive that's still available. Gentle Giant did up a nice Deluxe Boba Fett bust for Comic-Con. They still have some for sale, so you can pay the regular price and not some scummy flipper. Each hand-painted bust stands over 7” tall and there are only 2500 that exist in this world. $150.00.
Gentle Giant has been doing these old school Kenner Star Wars recreations for a bit now, but they're not content to reproduce these toys at their normal 3 ¾ inch sizes. Oh no. How about a foot tall? Yep, Bossk above stands 12 inches... and even comes in an appropriately scaled up blister pack to boot. $71.95.
Created using digital scans of an original Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope: Can't We Just Call This One Star Wars Because That's What We All Called It When I Was A Kid? This 1:1 replica from EFX was made to be as screen-accurate as possible, which means unless your head is really, really fat you should be able to wear it. $161.03.
From the Half-Life video games comes this 1:1 replica of the Gravity Gun. I miss Half-Life. Did you guys hear the rumor of the next Half-Life game being announced soon? Yes, please. $99.99.
Long live The Imp! How awesome of a world do we live in when there's Peter Dinklage merchandise to place around your house? A pretty awesome one, I'd say. $146.36.
There's a collectibles line that combines DC characters with the pin-up look of the '40s and '50s. It's true! It's called DC Comics Bombshells and Ms. Poison Ivy above is one of the Bombshells. She's also got a Suicide Girls thing going on with the arm tats. If you're into bad girls that are green and control plants and aren't real, then this is a must buy. $99.99.
Michael Keaton Batman! Michael Keaton Batman! He's 18” tall (1:4 scale), posable, has a real fabric cape and a bunch of wonderful toys, like the grapple gun. The big question: does Prince music always play when he's around? I couldn't find that information... $84.99.
The devourer of worlds and his herald have been mini-busted! This was another SDCC Exclusive that you can actually pick up for cheaper than you could at the show! I saw it while walking the floor at SDCC and can tell you that it's awesome and rad and you should totally buy it. $90.20.
Marvel Zombies Magneto, by Gentle Giant. It is undead and can crush your car! Beat that, Walking Dead zombies! Limited to 800 pieces, this one costs $99.00.
Kotobukiya's Hulk (Ruffalo/Avengers version) is a big dude, standing over 12 inches tall and immaculately detailed. Reviews for this one are huge and the photos look incredible. Click through for more angles on the big green mean machine! $191.63.
Where's Superman's underwear!?! Oh yeah, it's Man of Steel... I actually didn't mind the suit in action, but it's weird looking at toys of Supes without his red trunks. Still, this Kotobukiya Man of Steel figure is a work of art. There are multiple cape styles you can choose from (they cape is actually moldable, so you can pose it however you like), but this one's my favorite. These Kotobukiya imports are great, aren't they? $99.99.
The Deadpool Corps are assembled in this 1:6 scale mini-bust group featuring Dogpool, Kidpool, zombiefied flying Headpool and Squirrelpool. If you haven't figured it out yet, Deadpool is a fucking weird comic book... $169.89.
Created as Toy Fair exclusive, this is one of my favorite Hot Toys on the market. Hot Toys are known for their incredibly lifelike 1:6 scale figures and they are some of the most detailed pieces on the market. I have their Heath Ledger Joker and it's kind of like crack. Once you have one you just want them all. I'm exercising incredible restraint right now not buying up Evil Superman from Superman 3. I love it so much, but I already have another Hot Toys figure on layaway (I'll point him out when I get to him). But some of you lucky people can have at him. This is from Superman turns bad in Superman 3 and gets drunks, flicks peanuts at the bar window and then has a fight with himself in a junkyard. $214.99.
Adam West Batman! In Hot Toys tradition he comes with a lot of toys, including 13 interchangeable hands that can hold things like batarangs and a can of shark repellant (!!!) as well as three faces you can swap out. $204.99.
You can't have Adam West Batman without Burt Ward Robin now can you? He's not as expensive as Bats above, but also comes with less stuff, although he does have a pair of Batcuffs and a Bat Radio you can pose him with. Robin doesn't ship until April 2014, but you can pre-order him for $189.99.
Hot Toys Con Exclusive “Star Spangled Man” Captain America is the coolest Cap ever because he's in the comic outfit! He has the badge-shaped shield (with his War Bond notes stuck to the back, by the way), a machine gun and pistol and his rad as shit comic-friendly costume, complete with head wings. $204.48.
I liked suitless Tony Stark in Iron Man 3. I know a lot of people didn't, but screw them. They complained that the movie had too little Iron Man and too many Iron Man suits at the same time, so they obviously are wrong and the rest of us that dig detective Tony Stark and his wise-ass kid sidekick can enjoy the movie even more. Hot Toys has this impressive Robert Downey Jr. figure that comes with a buch of accessories, like his homemade repulsor, that weird pneumatic gun thing and, of course, a few of the Iron Man armor bits that he calls to him. Very, very cool. $224.99.
Now, Mr. Eric Draven above is on pre-order and doesn't ship until April 2014, but sometimes these fuckers have a habit of selling out, and how many Crow figures are out there? So if you miss out on this one then that's probably your last shot at least for a while. He comes with a guitar, a few interchangeable hands, the weathervane and, of course, a crow. $219.99.
This is the Hot Toys figure I have on preorder. It's a way, way in advance pre-order, too, so I really shouldn't be putting it on this list because it doesn't come out until August next year, but to heck with it! It's Snake Plissken and he comes with a ton of goodies, like the above-pictured tape, his scoped revolver, SMG, wrist timer, wrist tracker, cigarette, radio and homing device. His leather jacket comes off revealing his black tanktop, which can also be removed showing off his sexy snake tummy tattoo. Boom! Instant sell, right ladies? $159.99.
You can't ever go wrong with Harley Quinn. Sideshow has done up a sixth scale HQ complete with giant mallet, pop gun and various other awful bits of looney carnage-makers. Ships February and is available for pre-order for $189.99.
Sideshow's Premium Format T-1000 statue stands over 18” tall and is made of mimetic poly alloy... no, that's not right... It's just regular old Polystone, but that's a good thing because if it was the first one he'd wake up and kill your foster parents. $249.99.
Since I'm always well behind on the good stuff, just this year I finally dove into some Venture Bros stuff and I feel like a stupid-head for waiting this long. Brock Samson in particular is amazing, the manly man muscle that can do about anything (and anyone). Brock got the Sideshow treatment in this limited to 500 edition 15+ inch tall premium statue. $249.99.
The Chalice of Kali turned Indiana Jones evil, so you probably shouldn't drink from it, but it is a full 1:1 scale prop replica. Since we all know how I feel about Temple of Doom, there shouldn't be any surprise that this sucker made an appearance on this list. Soon Kali Ma will rule the world! $171.40.
Weta Workshop is feeling nostalgic for the old days, apparently, and has crafted this statue featuring Arwen reading her book. I can't be sure, but I think it's 50 Shades of Grey written in Sindarin. Currently on pre-order and shipping in early 2014. $74.99.
Danger Room Cyclops Fine Art Statue by Kotobukiya! 1:6 scale classic blue and yellow suit Cyke. Kick that Sentinel's ass, one-eye! $161.35.
Venom Unbound Fine Art Statue is here. 1:6 scale and a perfect fit with Kotobukiya's Spider-Man Unbound... which unfortunately is sold out and going for crazy money on the secondary market. But that should just encourage you to quit shuffling your feet and pick this guy up. When these statues leave the market their value soars. $181.13.
Kotobukiya recreates the classic cover of The Killing Joke with this statue which includes The Joker lining up a photo... while an S&M midget angel hangs out between his legs... He's 11” tall (1:6 scale) and the lamp at his feet has an LED light in it. It's motion activated, so when you walk by the light flashes and the sound of a camera clicking is heard. How sweet is that? $98.25.
For The Super Rich Only ($250.00 and up)
We're going to have to ignore that this is supposedly from AvP. It's a 1:1 alien egg, that's all that matters. Oh, and it plugs in and LEDs illuminate the thing. Limited to 500. $499.99.
Holy Giant Robot, Batman! It's Gipsy Danger all Sideshow Premium Formatted out! This huge statue is 20” tall and is available for pre-order (May delivery) for $399.99.
Giant Mecha needs giant Kaiju to fight, right? So Sideshow designed a companion piece for the above Gipsy Danger. Knifehead doesn't stand quite as tall (he is a bit hunched over), but still towers at 17”. Also available for pre-order (shipping April) for $379.99.
The Star Wars Mythos line is so damn cool. They take famous characters from the Star Wars Universe and imagine them in a moment we never saw. They did one where there was exiled Obi-Wan who looked halfway between Ewan McGregor and Alec Guinness, for example. Now we have Vader. His helmet can be worn, but that image above is what struck me about this statue. His suit is torn and dirty and he has a pissed off look on his face. Some shit went down and it's like he's contemplating the monster he became. So, so cool. And these things are also heavily collected. The previous editions are all more expensive on the secondary market, some over double their original price. If I could pick one statue on this list and have it magically appear on my doorstep, this would probably be the one. $349.99.
Here's the Boba Fett Mythos statue. It's almost 20” tall and about as badass as Boba Fett can look (which is pretty badass in the first place). I especially like the collection of lightsabers hanging off his belt. He been fucking some Jedi up! Boba is limited to 2500 units, ships in December and can be had for $324.99.
I wasn't going to include this Premium Format Hellboy... I mean, he's awesome and looks amazing, but he doesn't ship until August of next year and I have already featured a lot of pre-orders so far. However, I noticed there are less than 100 left before the pre-order is full and they are all spoken for, so I figured it was worth it for the one or two or 53 of you that would want to own this to include it here so you can get a jump on the pre-order and secure this bad boy. The statue itself stands over 23” with Hellboy perched on a tombstone. You can switch between Hellboy as we know and love him, leather coat and Samaritan clutched I his non-stone hand or Anung Un Rama version with horns, fiery crown and sword. Like I said, this is pretty badass. $399.99.
Man oh man, check out this ED-209. Hot Toys built him from scratch, not using a pre-existing mold, and he's all shiny and comes with over 30 points of articulation. He also says three phrases from RoboCop and comes with a controller to make him speak. Eddie (I call him Eddie, we're kind of tight... we bonded over the fact that both squeal like pigs when we fall down stairs) ships in February and is $409.99.
I have a feeling we're going to all be really, really, really in need of embracing these original 1987 RoboCop figures after we see the remake. We're going to miss these guys so much! This RoboCop is shiny (die cast), like Eddie above, and comes with different versions of his armor you can snap on and off. The Battle Damaged armor looks the best, when you can see his eye through the break in his visor. Really awesome stuff. He ships the same time as Eddie, in February. $429.99 with chair accessory and $299.99 by himself.
Elvira done up all special by Sideshow! Not only is the sculpt nice, they went the extra mile by adding in Swarovski Crystals to the dagger and her ring. Elvira stands nearly 15” tall and can be had for $274.99.
Commander Shepard Premium Format Statue stands almost 20” tall and boy does he look pissed off! Modeled after Shepard from Mass Effect 3, I love the detail in the costuming on this piece. The base also lights up, which I bet makes this thing look even cooler! $349.99.
Frodo and Sam are looking for the way to the tower of Sauron. Can you help them? They're tricksey hobbitses, but still could use your assistance. I may not be able to carry this Sideshow statue for you, BUT I CAN CARRY YOU! (Music swells, everybody cries). $274.99.
Weta just opened up pre-orders on their Radagast the Brown statue, complete with bird-shit hair and is that little Sebastian I see at his feet (click through to see better pictures)? D'awwwww. Ships February. $275.00.
You gotta give it to the Weta folks. In many ways they really caused the geek collectible statue market to bust wide open. It existed before LOTR, but it was right around the time those statues were hitting in time with the movie that I remember seeing other studios going “Huh... there might be a market for high end collectibles for some of these movies...” And the Weta guys are still turning out great stuff. Thranduil as elegant as Radagast looks disheveled. We're going to really get to see Lee Pace's Thranduil at work in the next Hobbit movie. Can't wait! $275.00.
The standard Dragonborn Skyrim statue (with the traditional horn helmet) is long sold out, but Bethesda has a variant that's still available with the Dragonborn wearing one of the priest masks instead (Morokei to be specific). This highly detailed piece is limited to 250 worldwide and is hand numbered on the base. The figure stand 16” tall. $370.00.
Recognize this? I bet you do! It's the Hound's Helmet from Game of Thrones. This 1:1 replica is made of fibreglass, the hound's mouth opens to reveal the wearer's face and it's made to be worn, so really go all out at the next Ren Faire and scare the shit out of everybody. $299.99.
You have about a year before everybody starts being an expert on Ultron, so you can totally show them up pre-Avengers 2 marketing by having this bad boy sitting in a place of honor in your man cave/geek den/house/cardboard box. $349.99.
Yo, it's a lifesized Rocky bust... which means it's pictured at actual size! Haha, I kid, I kid, don't kick my ass Sly, I was just funnin'! This bust sits around 25” and depicts the Italian Stallion from Rocky 3 or 4 era. It's limited to 500 pieces worldwide and ships Q1 2014. Start saving up, AB King! $599.99.
If a 1:1 scale Sly Stallone bust isn't up your alley, perhaps this 1:1 Skeletor bust is! It's a huge 29 inches tall, has a real cloth hood and is limited to only 300 pieces worldwide. Don't let that awful doo-gooder, He-Man, ruin your day and pick him up now! $674.99.
It may not look it in that photo, but that, my friends, is a 1:1 life size T-800 endoskeleton, complete with apocalyptic base with human skulls, giant ray guns and a bad attitude. That dude stands 77” high and weighs well over 300lbs. The shipping alone is $500 on him! If you hit the Powerball this year, then this is the item for you! A pittance at $5,999.99.
Cheap ($24.99 and under)
If I'm going to be honest, this item right here is the reason I made ornaments its own section this year. I couldn't let Christmas Quint get buried in housewares or collectibles. He had to be king of his own section, damn it! Add on to that the plethora of movie geek stuff from Hallmark, I figured I had enough for a little pallet cleanser between Collectibles and Rich Stuff. That Christmas Quint was made by artist PJ McQuade and I have a feeling he was really, really trying to make it onto this list this year. Heh. Well, he knew how to play to this judge at the very least. It's awesome, it's cheap, it's the exact kind of thing I hope to find every year I do one of these suckers. Oh, and by the way, he also has a Heisenberg ornament as well. $7.50.
There seems to be a lot of nostalgia for old video game controllers on the guide this year. So be it. $9.99.
Right now you can get some Doctor Who ornaments on sale at Thinkgeek, including a TARDIS, a red Dalek and a yellow Dalek. Scoop 'em up before some other Whovian sweeps in and gets to have a better Christmas than you do. $11.99 each.
I already bought this one. It's the family truckster, complete with Aunt Edna on the roof, how could I not? Plus it also plays Holiday Road when you press a button on it. BOOM! Christmas just got 100% more awesome. You're welcome. $18.75.
Some men just want to see Christmas burn. I love the pose, it says everything about the character, doesn't it? The Joker's coming back in stock at Amazon next week, but you can put dibs on getting one of the new stock and have this guy chaosing the hell out of your tree in plenty of time for the big holiday. $17.20.
It's your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man hanging out in your friendly neighborhood Christmas tree! Literally. You get Spidey in a classic pose as well as a musical element. You press the button on top of the roof and you get the Spider-Man Does Whatever A Spider Can song. $17.95.
Finn and Jake are actually sold out on Hallmark's site, so you're going to be paying about five bucks more to get 'em on Amazon, but it's still under $20. Those Adventuretime fans are crazy for this stuff! $19.95.
You'll shoot your eye out! You'll shoot your eye out! We're getting close to the season of the 24/7 Christmas Story marathons and I for one couldn't be happier about that! You can get a jump on all the Christmas Story goodness with this ornament. It has an audio element, too. You press the button and you get the whole narration from this scene. The whole thing! $18.25.
His high exaltedness, the great Jabba the Hutt welcomes you to your Christmas tree. He says if you're reading this you're his kind of scum. Jabba talks and 3PO translates (and Salacious Crumb laughs). The Geek is strong in this one. $21.74.
Why are there so many/geeky ornaments at Christmas/Which should I get/I can't decide! Okay, enough of that nonsense. It barely even fit the song. Cut me some slack, I've typed, like, 340,329,209,230 words this week. The Rainbow Connection Kermit isn't available on the Hallmark site, something to do with a Gold Crown exclusive, I think, but you can still find him online. It's a great looking Keepsake ornament and, yes, it sings you Rainbow Connection. $22.95.
Lilo and Stitch is probably my favorite of the post '80/early '90s new golden age of Disney animation. If we bring in the Pixar stuff then that changes, but I do love this movie, from the Elvis songs to the “broken, but good” family message. Disney is having a sale on their ornaments, so you'll see a few of them direct for the mouse house, starting with Lilo and Stitch. $8.00.
I love Pinocchio, one of my favorite Disney classics, so of course this had to make the list. Although it is a bit weird to hang a caged boy in your tree to celebrate a holiday... but then again he's just wood at this point, he's not real yet, so it's not weird. I've decided it, so it's okay. $8.00.
It wouldn't be Christmas without a little Jack Skellington love. Santa Jack for the win. $14.95.
D'awwwww, look at those two! True love if I've ever seen it! Wall-E and EVE 2getha 4evah! I'm sorry about that, I'm getting loopy. Disregard and just look at how cute this ornament is. $18.95.
I bought this one, too. I went to Disney World for the first time this year, so I figured it'd be a good memento. I'm a sucker for the fireworks over Cinderella's Castle. I have very vivid memories of watching them as a kid at Disneyland and the Disney World display was even more spectacular. This ornament is all about capturing that experience. It plays When You Wish Upon A Star with the sound of fireworks corresponding with fireworks lights behind the castle. So, so, so cool for a Disney parks nerd like me. $27.95.
Hogwarts and it plays John William's music. Very cool ornament, but only click through and buy if you have no other option. Online sellers are taking advantage of the Hallmark Website being out of this. Definitely check a local store first and you'll save yourself $15. If it's sold out everywhere and you absolutely have to have it, I totally understand. You can grab one at a premium price for around $39.95.
The Gorn fight from Arena forever immortalized on your Christmas tree! It plays audio from this scene, mostly grunts and hisses, so I'm sure your creepy Uncle will make some really inappropriate jokes with it when he downs eggnog number 37. $29.95.
Not quite sure why the AT-ST is the most expensive of the Hallmark Keepsakes (not counting the seller markup on that Hogwarts Castle), but hey, I always liked the Chicken Walkers, so why not? It makes the Walker blaster noises and Chewy screams in the background. $31.82.
Welcome one, welcome all, to the final section of the massive 2013 Holiday Gift Guide. I found some particularly fun Rich Stuff to end on this year, so let's get to it!
Your eyes do not deceive you. That is the exact same kind of robot Kenny Powers danced with when he re-hit it big in this last season of Eastbound and Down. That's Nao, who can dance yes, but he was built to be a teaching aid.
In other words, this is the very cute first step into the dark, awful future of robot overlords determining the human race is a virus and must be wiped out. If you'd like your own dancing robot that can also teach you about quantum physics and stuff, you can have him for $15,999.99.
I've had a lot of people email me about this, so I figured it'd be rude not to include it. There's a company, Hammacher Schlemmer, who will build you your own functioning recreation of the 1966 Batmobile. From the website: “Built on a custom Lincoln chassis, this crime-fighting cruiser comes standard with a 430-horsepower, 383 Blueprint Crate engine and a Monster TH350 automatic transmission.” It also has a rear-facing propane tank that gives the flame out effect without the illegal under-the-hood hardware. The interior features a Batphone, switches that actually open the trunk and hood as well as a glowing detect-a-scope screen. If you want your own street-legal Batmobile you'll have to order it for next Christmas as they have a year custom build time. If that's alright with you, then look to spend about $200,000.
As cool as it would be to have your own Batmobile, this is probably the crazy shit I'd spend my money on if I hit the lotto. Right now you can sign up for one of the first Virgin Galactic space flights. So far there have been about 600 “future astronauts” that have signed up, but it's still a very limited club. Not only do you get a guaranteed seat on a Virgin Galactic flight, you also get invited to special events, like test flight viewings, training on zero g parabolic flights and being wined and dined by Sir Richard Branson on his private island in the Caribbean. Kind of a bargain when you think about it, right? I wonder if they want a geek blogger to write about one of these flights... hint-hint-hint-hint... Only $250,000.00.
Now this really pisses me off to no end! Don't I have a rich grandparent about to die or some oil under my house or something? What you see above is a special effects dummy prop from Big Trouble In Little China. That's LoPan when his head gets all glowy. You remember the scene. I want it so bad! Bidding starts at $2,000, so it's not really unreasonable, but I doubt it'll stay there.
I'm sure Tom Hanks already has one of the Wilsons from Castaway, but if he doesn't I'm going to be a very sad panda if he doesn't end up with this original screenused Wilson. THEY WERE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER!!! The Profiles In History auction estimate is between $12,000-$15,000.
I can't think of a better way to close out this year's Holiday Gift Guide than with a link to Han Solo's original screenused blaster. This prop was used in both The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. This is the lighter hero blaster and was used in scenes like when Vader force pulls the weapon out of Solo's hands in Empire and when Han wrestled with the Scout Trooper for the blaster in Jedi. To quote another Lucas production “You and me, we are only passing through history. This is history.” The auction is estimated to end up between $200,000-$300,00. We'll see.
Is that really the end, my friends? It seems to be. I once again have a 1,000 yard stare going on and am really looking forward to sleeping this weekend away, but I hope you guys had a good time with the Guide again this year. So far the response has blown me away, as it does every year. I'm very proud of this column and am over the moon that you guys seem to like it as much as you do.
That said, I'm happy to have my life back. Anyway, thanks for reading along. I hope you found some good gift ideas, had a laugh or two at my loopy writing and rampant typos, and stumbled upon some cool shit you didn't know existed.
See ya' next year with yet more geeky cool shit!