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Moriarty Thinks THE MUMMY 3 Is Far More Dead Than Alive!!

Hey, everyone. “Moriarty” here. So here’s one of those moments where doing the interviews and the preview press for a film gets really interesting when you sit down to actually watch the finished product for review. This one wasn’t on my radar during production because I really don’t think of the franchise unless there’s one coming out. It’s not something I’ve returned to over and over. I generally enjoyed the first MUMMY as a fun summer movie, but haven’t seen it since it came out, and I thought the second one was a warning sign of a growing tendency towards excess by Sommers. When they first announced this one, I remember being moderately interested because of the casting, and then... I sort of stopped thinking about it completely. It’s not something we’ve done much coverage of along the way until the last month, when Universal started turning up the publicity machine for it. So I talked to Rob Cohen about what he felt like they were doing with the movie, and then I interviewed Maria Bello, Jet Li, Michelle Yeoh, and Brendan Fraser, and all of them talked about their vision of the film. And in general, I thought everyone sounded really upbeat about the film they’d made, and excited to be playing with a whole new sort of mythology, and Cohen talked a great game about bringing over some of the monster movie ideas he’d had for SINBAD at Sony, and I started to really hope that this third film might be a solid adventure movie, something to close out the summer in high style. The involvement of Vic Armstrong on the action side of things really spiked my anticipation, since so many of the iconic action beats of the films I grew up on were due in no small part to Armstrong. By the time I walked in to see this, I was actually a little excited. Too bad the film is inert. Pretty much dead on arrival. For every one thing it does right, there are huge stretches of the movie where it all just seems to be disastrously flat, sluggish, or just plain confused. The film’s most crushing disappointment is the way Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh are so poorly used during their time in the film. Jet Li’s role could have been played by anyone. There’s very little he does that requires a master martial artist or an experienced movie star... he’s a prop for the most part, an effect for a good percentage of his screen time, and a cipher from start to finish. Nothing about him makes sense. He knows things he can’t possibly know, unless the film needs him NOT to know them, but there’s logic about how he learns certain key parts of the backstory to things. It’s just poorly thought out, and because Jet’s motivations are so murky in the movie, it’s impossible to fully hate him as a villain or engage with him on a sympathetic level. He’s a blank. And Michelle Yeoh’s given a more interesting character to play in the film’s opening, but her later work is limited to a few quick scenes and a terribly staged fight with Jet Li that demonstrates that a love of Asian culture does not automatically translate into even the slightest idea of how to stage and photograph a great martial arts fight. Rob Cohen lets down fans of both of these great icons with a confusing and anti-climactic final confrontation that I would have had trouble describing to you even moments after watching it. Certainly returning stars Brendan Fraser and John Hannah fare better, though, right, along with Maria Bello who stepped in for Rachel Weisz? Nope. Not really. Fraser is in genuine danger of becoming a joke in these types of films. This and JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF THE EARTH both feel like movies he was obligated to make instead of compelled. He has a certain thing he does (YELLING ALL HIS COMEDY LINES) that has definitely turned from style to shtick, and it’s wearying after a while. John Hannah looks stranded here, obviously aware that he’s the comic relief but without anything funny to say or do. He tries to make it work, but Hannah’s only as good as the material he’s given and this... isn’t. Bello’s going to take a lot of shit for her role in this, and it’s not really her fault. I didn’t realize what a crucial part of the chemistry of the first two movies Weisz was, even as a fan of her work. She and Fraser played off each other in a very particular way. Rachel’s able to play the adventure movie stuff, but she’s still very soft and sweet at the same time. It’s very sexy and appealing, and if you want to see her tapping some of that same vibe, check out the work she does in THE BROTHERS BLOOM once she starts to get involved in the con game. Bello has a flinty sort of strength to her that’s very modern, and as a result, she never really blends correctly into the period of the film. I think she’d probably be great in something like THE KINGDOM or a modern action ensemble film, because she appears to be totally game for it, but the accent plus the chemistry with Fraser plus the period detail... it just doesn’t gel. She’s playing a very different type of ‘40s woman in this film than Weisz was, and I don’t think the script ever really knows what to give her to do. So even before addressing the larger problems with the film, the cast just doesn’t connect, and that’s really the end of it for me when watching something like this. If I’m not enjoying the cast’s interplay, then all the effects in the world aren’t going to save it for me, and even if the stunts are great, I’m going to miss that connective tissue that makes you give a shit. Thing is... the effects here are inconsistent, with some really nice work and some really not-nice work depending on the scene or the character or the particular gag. And the stunts... ... see, I think I’ve mentioned Vic Armstrong in all the articles I’ve written since that editing room visit, and as excited as I was to see his work here, it’s a wash. I’d have to see the film again to really articulate if it’s the way the action is shot or the way it’s cut or some combination of the two, but this film commits a cardinal sin for an adventure movie: it’s dull. No matter how many things are going on at once onscreen, there’s no visceral charge to it. It’s not involving. It all looks like stuntmen and special effects. You can see the seams. It feels artificial, and as a result, it’s impossible to give yourself over to the thrill ride. There’s a chariot chase through the streets of Hong Kong that should be one of the highlights of the movie, and yet at the end of it, exactly one stunt out of the whole sequence had made any impression on me, and that’s just because Maria’s stuntwoman takes a nasty fall in slow-motion that looks like it must have hurt. It’s not because of any set-up or pay-off in the scene itself. Things happen, but to no end, and so you’re not rooting for any particular outcome. I think my reaction to this film matches the reactions I’ve read from some people to the PIRATES sequels. I still like those films because I think Verbinski managed to find the energy to every sequence. He gave it all a pulse. They’re inelegantly constructed and unwieldy at times, but they feel alive. The critics of those films called them gaudy and noisy and fake, and watching this film, I know how those people must have felt. More than anything, the returning cast looks fatigued while the new cast looks lost. Luke Ford, playing Fraser’s disturbingly adult son, and Isabella Leong, as his obligatory love interest, are both fairly terrible, and I’m guessing this will remain the sole studio lead on either of their IMDb pages for the foreseeable future. Ford’s a huge guy, and he seems amiable, but he’s shapeless as a performer, and he just doesn’t register. Leong, on the other hand, is terrible. She's crazy hot, but as an actor... wretched. Every single scene with her is wincingly awful. The scenes involving these two remind me of the love stories they would try to work into Marx Brothers movies, where you’d cut to the two young lovers cooing at each other, and it was just a way to kill some time until you got back to the reason you’re there... the freakin’ Marx Brothers. Or, in this case, the monsters and the action. I wish the monsters were better used, because they are gorgeous as works of design. The Yetis, in particular, frustrate me. They’re beautiful, and the digital characters fairly closely adhere to the designs. It’s impressive. Thing is, just when I started to enjoy them, there’s a moment that is so colossally stupid that it pretty much served as the last nail in the coffin for me. One of the Yetis kicks someone and sends them flying, and another Yeti holds up his arms in the “touchdown” signal. They make a football joke. Yetis. Living in the Himalayas. In the ‘40s. No. Really. The key to making this sort of pulp fun is that you have to take it seriously enough that you create a persuasive world. It can be a ridiculous world, but it has to be consistent, and it has to sustain itself. You can’t break the reality like that and expect us to buy into it afterwards. And a choice like that... to actually let a gag like that get from suggestion to previz to rough shot to final render... it’s just a failure of judgment. It says that no one on this picture really bought the world they were creating. And it’s not just that one choice, either... that’s just a really easy example. I’m sorry this one’s not more fun. I told my parents what I thought of it the other day on the phone, and my mom was particularly distraught. This is exactly the kind of summer fare they love, big escapist fantasy stuff, and they liked the earlier films. I suspect some audiences will give this one a pass because they’re still coasting on the generally good buzz from this summer, but it’s such an avalanche of almosts and bad choices that I really can’t recommend it. What should have been simple, broad fun is sort of a miserable sit, a punishment of sorts. If I was more invested in the MUMMY films overall, I’d call it a crushing disappointment, but as it is, for me, it just stands as an example of potential and energy sadly squandered.

Drew McWeeny, Los Angeles

Readers Talkback
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  • Aug. 1, 2008, 8:25 a.m. CST

    Am I first to bat???

    by samuraiyao

    I'd rather wrap myself in Mylar then to watch this movie...

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 8:27 a.m. CST

    But you had a big hard on for the second unit director for this

    by Speed Fricassee

    Sorry to hear it fell way flat.. I'll be finding out for myself on Sunday.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 8:29 a.m. CST


    by coen_fan

    Boo ya.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 8:29 a.m. CST

    Whoops, sorry.

    by coen_fan

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 8:47 a.m. CST

    "Yeti makes a touchdown" is the new "Nuked The Fridge".

    by DerLanghaarige

    But "Nuked The Fridge" was lame and useless anyway, I always preferred "Giant robot pissed on Barton Fink".

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 8:47 a.m. CST

    CAN'T F'N WAIT!!

    by SkidMarkedUndies

    Actually, I can. Rather, I'll avoid this like the plague. Night Night.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 8:48 a.m. CST

    This is exactly how that Clone Wars footage made me feel

    by Movietool

    Just because there's a lot of crap being thrown from left to right on the screen doesn't mean it's a good action sequence. You know - Independent filmakers have revived comedy - it's time for the same to happen with action/fantasy flicks. This genre needs its own Quentin Tarantino.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 8:53 a.m. CST

    shame sounds like a better edit

    by palewook

    might have salvaged this film.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 8:55 a.m. CST

    Who cares about martial arts showdown crap

    by m_prevette

    I mean...every fanboy review is crapping on this movie since apparently there isn't some 20 minute huge kung fu fight at the end? What the hell? WHO CARES - it's NOT a kung phooey movie - I had no idea who the female kung fu chick is and the VAST MAJORITY of the audience doesn't care either.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 9:08 a.m. CST


    by Mickguinness

    Thank you. Yes, a lot of people wanted a big Kung Fu showdown and I would have enjoyed it too, but this is not a martial arts movie, despite some fo the cast. I enjoyed the movie as a fun serial like the others and take it for what it is. Fun Adventure. And seriously, enough about the fucking nuked fridge. If you didn't like INDY 4 fine, but I am fucking sick of people picking at that one goddamn thread. It's fantasy. You had no problem with magical spirits coming out of the Ark or bodies melting away from drinking out of a cup, but a fucking fride is turnining out to be the most commonly talked about thing in the entire franchise. If you didn't like it, fine. Just shut the fuck up about it already.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 9:08 a.m. CST

    Fride = Fridge

    by Mickguinness

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 9:08 a.m. CST

    Indy 4 comparisons

    by blackhole4140

    I'm not sure how this movie being crap is supposed to make us appreciate the painfully average Indy 4.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 9:11 a.m. CST

    I have a question for the group...

    by emeraldboy

    Where the hell is Stephen Sommers? and I have a warning....This will not be the last of the Mummy movies. This is Rob Cohens new Franchise. He is very angry about what happened to Fast furious franchise. We will be getting more mummy movies in future. Rob Cohen's contract stipulates that he has pretty much complete over this. I am not joking.....

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 9:18 a.m. CST

    So "Mummy 3" sucks

    by I am_NOTREAL

    It would be very difficult for me to any LESS surprised...about anything. They couldn't even make it look good for a 30-second commercial. And I think "Yetis make a touchdown" or some derivative thereof would make a fine new "Gordon has a beer and CHEETS on his wife."

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 9:23 a.m. CST

    I saw KOTCS four times in the theater...

    by Finding Forrestal

    ...and let me tell you, that fourth time was painful to sit through. Keep in mind this was over the course of two months. On the other hand, I saw TDK four times in the span of a WEEK and never got tired of it. Why? Because TDK isn't terribly fucking average. It's sad but true.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 9:29 a.m. CST

    It's funny...

    by Finding Forrestal

    Six months ago I couldn't even fathom the possibility that KOTCS would be a disappointment. Was I naive? Most assuredly. I thought Spielberg was incapable of pulling a "Lucas," especially with his trademark character. Apparently I was wrong...

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 9:30 a.m. CST

    I mean, I can't even believe there's a buzz round this

    by dr sauch

    It's the fucking MUMMY for christ's sake!! Only the first one was good, and prob. only b/c I was like 15 when I saw it!! Michelle Yeoh is really amazingly hot though. I would prob see it for her. Some director needs to get her naked.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 9:33 a.m. CST

    Yeti kicks the fridge?

    by Brody77

    So between this, Indy 4 and the national treasure pieces of shit, archaeology/adventure flicks are now dead?

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 9:34 a.m. CST


    by Finding Forrestal

    Say it ain't so. That's a depressing thought.<p>Fuck.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 9:39 a.m. CST

    Should be embrassed if you buy a ticket.

    by Saluki

    Crowds should be laughing at your dumbass if you actually fall for this junk, just trying to "give it a chance". Come on. Just. Don't. Go! Plenty of other movies to catch up on, plenty of other bars to attend, plenty of other summer events to soak in. Don't give in you weaklings.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 9:46 a.m. CST

    I like movies like the next person and have

    by emeraldboy

    been going to the cinema in Ireland since the early eighties. A kid who was classmate of mine in primary school, his dad owned a vidoe repair shop. and one day he brought in Preadator to school on VHS and then he brought Commando and Rambo, which the teacher turned and wouldnt allow us to see the rest of. Since the nineties, i have be going once a week. I have seen well over 100 films. Its close to 400 at this stage. i just cant understand people who say I saw x-film 4 times. I have done this myself. I am not complaining. but really if you have seen the dark knight 4 times. Can i suggest therapy?

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 9:49 a.m. CST

    Your mom was distraught?

    by YouAreAllMyBastardChildren

    Your parents actually put stock in your reviews? Well, they are your parents...

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 9:51 a.m. CST

    Over 100 films, close to 400...?

    by Saluki

    Afraid I don't follow. I've seen films five times in the theater. Once something hooks you, you just want to comeback. Therapy would be apt if this was invading on my personal life, but sometimes a film just sticks.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 9:57 a.m. CST


    by Nice Marmot

    I would guess that kids who watched Predator, Commando, and Rambo in primary school would need more therapy than adults who see the same movie 4 times. WTF???

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 9:59 a.m. CST


    by la_sith

    I can't believe you actually spent time writing about this movie. The trailer played right before The Dark Knight, and there was silence. Not a chuckle. Not a thing. Nothing.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 10:05 a.m. CST

    My friend got a chuckle from the trailer . . .

    by Nice Marmot

    . . . before the Dark Knight. Actually he was laughing at me saying, "I didn't know Chris Kattan was in this!" Rewatch the trailer and look for the unfunny plane scene.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 10:14 a.m. CST

    I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!!

    by Anna Valerious

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 10:16 a.m. CST

    yes mickguinness....

    by AnakinsDiapers

    ...the moment fantastical elements enters a movies reality any and all things are acceptible. Indiana Jones deals with the ark of the covenant? well then, Indy should be able to catch bullets with his teeth. Superman is an alien superbeing? No sweat if Lois falls off a 50 story building and sprangs an ankle. Hell, the audience should just shut up and accept it if Superman lifts an entire continent laced with the one material whose mere presence is downright lethal to him....really? Really. When did "adventure", "pulp" and "fantastical" become synomynous with inconsistant and lazy?

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 10:17 a.m. CST

    I saw half of 'The Mummy'

    by kwisatzhaderach

    and switched it off. Never saw the second one. Won't see this.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 10:21 a.m. CST

    And as far as martial arts fight sequences go...

    by AnakinsDiapers

    you don't hire Jet fucking Li and michelle yeoh and not utilize their skills. If one wasn't going to shoot a good fight sequence with them then they weren't really needed for their parts now were they? You could have hired cheaper actors and saved some money since ..y'know, you already have the true stars of the film Brendan Fraser and yetis'.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 10:29 a.m. CST

    Kwisatzhaderach made it farther than me

    by I am_NOTREAL

    I made it through perhaps 30 minutes of the 1st Mummy, recognized it for the idiotic shit it was, and never went back. It was so stupid and over the top...sad, this could have been a decent action / adventure / horror franchise in the right hands, but it's just noisy junk. You don't have to be any student of the box office to see the big opening weekend followed by the precipitous drop once the poisonous word of mouth gets around.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 10:34 a.m. CST

    Caught it last night...

    by Kampbell-Kid

    Personally my two friends liked it, but I didn't have to heart to sound like a hater by saying I thought it was terrible. Considering I'm a long time fan and collector of every Jet and Yeoh film ever done - I agree they were poorly used. Not to mention both my friends thought the Yeti touchdown gag was hysterical. I thought it made the film feel out of character. Then again the whole moment of them being called out, that gay, and Michelle Yeoh yelling "I'll call the Yeti's" just made me want to walk out the theater. Which by the way some people WERE doing. I feel so bad for Jet and Yeoh right now. And Mori for seeing this after all those great interviews. Oh well, at least Dark Knight at IMAX is still showing. Need to recleanse my palette.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 10:34 a.m. CST


    by Mickguinness

    Everything is not acceptible because it is fantasy. But Indy took something based in science (why do you think radiologists use lead-lined suits and walls)and stetched it a little too far. Bad choice. Over the top is kinda this franchise's tradition, or don't we remembering Connery taking out a fucking plane with a flock of birds? No one complains when you hear explosions in space during Star Wars even though there would really be no noise because sound is impossible in space (unless in a shuttle/ship, etc. but not outside it). But the fridge scene is becoming the end-all be-all of peoples' hatred for INDY. So much so that it is being discussed in talkbacks that aren't even about that movie. If you didn't like the movie fine, I have heard arguments that I can understand. But the people who constantly mention the fucking fridge because they can't put thoughts together about the rest of the flick and jump on the fridge wagon are irritating. It's one scene. Move one. All these people are turning that one scene into the most talked about in a great franchise with many great scenes. Wouldn't you rather people just agree to like it or dislike it and stop bringing it up in every fucking talkback they ever participate in and cementing it as the INDY legacy? It's fucking time to let it go already.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 10:36 a.m. CST


    by Kampbell-Kid

    Meant "that gag", not "that gay." Dyslexic typo moment. lol

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 10:37 a.m. CST

    The Mummy was fucking good.

    by Finding Forrestal

    And I'm perplexed by this "noisy junk" you supposedly heard. Could it have been Jerry Goldsmith's brilliant score? Maybe you should have your speakers looked at.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 10:38 a.m. CST

    Yeti Touchdown

    by Abominable Snowcone

    Der's only one creature that can kick something dat abominable snowman (drag cigarette)

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 10:41 a.m. CST

    I actually enjoyed the film...

    by Gil Brooks stupid as it was. Maybe because I went in expecting to TOTALLY hate it. The yetis are pretty bad, though, esp. the touchdown. Guess I wasn't ready to hate it because I was already exhausted with the disappointments of HB2 and Indy 4.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 10:41 a.m. CST

    The Mummy Returns, however...

    by Finding Forrestal

    ...was not. Not at all. In fact, it was pretty much noisy junk.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 10:47 a.m. CST

    Mummy was noisy junk

    by I am_NOTREAL

    because it was junk that made noise, natch.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 10:49 a.m. CST

    I completely love how most reviewers biggest complaint is the Ye


    I can just imagine Moriarty or that Alexandra chick sitting there in the theater saying to themselves."Oh good grief!" "These Yeti are acting so out of character!" "A yeti would never do that in real life!" Yes I'm sure it's stupid, but it's even more ridiculous in my opinion to gripe over how unrealistic a MYTHICAL CREATURE BEHAVES!

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 10:52 a.m. CST

    Two Questions, Mori

    by DKT

    1) Do you think Luke Ford and Isabella Leong just drew the short stick to a degree? I mean if good actors like Bello and Yeoh can't make it work, why would people we've never heard of before be able to? <br><br> 2) You gonna see/have you seen X-Files?

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 11:06 a.m. CST


    by AnakinsDiapers

    people are hurt over Indy 4. twenty years of waiting and that film is what we got? The fans are hurt and are expressing the disappointment. "Nuking the Fridge" is but the rallying point. It's a simple statement which sums up all that was wrong in their eyes. And believe it mickguinness, that scene was but one of many puzzling events that went on in that movie. Shia becoming the "monkey king", the total under utilizing of Marion, the prairie dogs, the entire last act being a star trek the motion picture-like level of "stare in awe-isms". Indy should have been watching from the seats with the audience at that point. And for me, the biggest crime commited by speilberg is that he apparently forgot the heart and soul of an Indiana Jones picture: problem stacking. There wasn't any problem stacking. There were location changes, but that's not problem stacking. The truck chase, the fight at the airstrip, the fight with the big indian guy as Indy is tortured with a voodoo doll, the fight at the club compounded by being poisoned and looking for the elusive antidote. These things are paramount to an Indiana Jones picture. I could have forgiven the impenetrable fridge, monkey fu, and the obvoius green screen environments if the tension filled exciting problem stacking moments were there. But alas, all i can say to sum up my disappointment is..nuked the fridge.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 11:07 a.m. CST

    This movie is beginning...

    by DocPazuzu sound like a yeti touchdown. <p> There's your catchphrase. Go tell your friends.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 11:23 a.m. CST

    Relax, all of these silly movies are made just..

    by Aeghast make TDK look better (like it needs it, anyway)

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 11:30 a.m. CST

    What is Ms. Bello doing in this?

    by HoboCode

    She deserves better than this reeking pile of shit.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 11:45 a.m. CST

    John Hannah is CRINGE INDUCING

    by cowboyone

    "Mummy's ... I hate Mummys! They never play fair!" Ugggh.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 12:04 p.m. CST

    yeti touchdown?

    by GavinVanDraven

    since when do you score a touchdown by kicking??? do you people not watch football? yeti kicks a field goal? dumbasses

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 12:09 p.m. CST

    So, I guess Don Lewis owes you some money, eh Mori?

    by DoctahJonesDoll

    10 bucks says you never see a dime...

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 12:13 p.m. CST

    The primary school that I went was

    by emeraldboy

    mad. One teacher I had got so pissed off that she smashed one of the windows in the classroom with a basketball. in front of us.....

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 12:15 p.m. CST

    Tommy Teirnan was in my brothers class

    by emeraldboy

    My brother and I went to the same school. I started when he left. ie he was in 6th class and I was senior infants.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 12:25 p.m. CST

    yeti fieldgoal

    by GavinVanDraven

    is the new nuked the fridge. spread the word.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 12:25 p.m. CST

    emeraldboy: Basketball is popular in Ireland?

    by CreasyBear

    Had no idea. Boston Celtics attire must sell well. Just fuckin' with ya.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 12:31 p.m. CST

    too bad...

    by crankyoldguy

    The first two Mummy films were fun. Not great. But fun rides, When one of them turns up on couch-bound Saturday afternoon or Sunday, we might find ourselves watching it. A shame this new one appears to suck-ola. There was potential for Fraser to step up and "mature" as a dad more since his son is now even older in this. Still may see it or may wait as Netflix thing. On the other hand, the third Mummy doens't sound worse that the most wince-inducing elements of Indy 4 which I didn't hate (some of it worked for me), though the Monkey King and Close Encouters ending was...ugh. Fridge? Couldn't been a GE ad from the period: "Afraid of Ruskies? Our fridge protects from atomic blasts." or does it:

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 12:33 p.m. CST

    New on the CW Sundays - Yeti Ball

    by crankyoldguy

    Hosted by the Geico cavemen.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 12:37 p.m. CST

    Yet fieldgoal, dancing Peter Parker saying, "Dig on this,"

    by CreasyBear

    Threepio's "This is such a drag" in Ep.2, Schwarzeneggar's Mr. Freeze penguin pajamas in Batman & Robin, Supermman 2's person continuing to talk in the phone booth even after it's been blown down . . . quite a Hall of Shame for supposed action movies soiled by lame attempts at humor.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 12:39 p.m. CST

    god, what do you expect from the Mummy 3?

    by BMacSmith

    ah screw it i cant be bothered to care about this. and Jet Li is a shit actor.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 12:42 p.m. CST



    I've been following Cohens blog and I was really hoping this would be good.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 12:44 p.m. CST


    by rsdigi


  • Aug. 1, 2008, 12:46 p.m. CST

    LOL Moriarty, don't you mean "Field Goal"

    by rsdigi

    I'm no football fan, but I know the difference between a field goal (which they Yeti's do and I found hilarious) and a touchdown. You know you're on a geek site when the review doesn't know the difference. That's what the Mummy movies are about, the campy retarded humor. I wish you had said "how would the Yeti's even know about football" because then I could say "Why are you busting on them, you don't know anything about football either!" :D

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 1:01 p.m. CST

    Once Rachel Weitz was out...

    by Emerald Saber was I. I decided I would drop it in my Netflix queue for future viewing, however, knowing I probably wouldn't. Now, with the reviews confirming what I pretty much already knew... Any queue I sustain shall not contain this rubbish.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 1:04 p.m. CST


    by Emerald Saber

    Edit... damn it!

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 1:08 p.m. CST

    It'll still be better than 'Indy 4: The Next Generation'

    by Giario

    Indy 4 = Worst film of the Summer. By a wide margin. Fact. At least be thankful that Lucas didn't create a CG Pat Roach. He's saving it for the special edition.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 1:11 p.m. CST

    Emerald Boy...

    by nukethefridge

    Up Navan!!! Do you go to the diamond cinema???

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 1:11 p.m. CST


    by ManosTHOF

    Sure. Because the Yetis were probably fresh off playing Madden '09, right?

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 1:15 p.m. CST

    I didn't like Indy 4

    by Rocklover79

    But I know it wasn't the worst of the entire summer. Pretty sure Meet Dave takes that crown.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 1:21 p.m. CST

    "Indiana Jones and the Mummified Penis of Doom"

    by Dick Bahls

    Neither one of these crapfests should have been made. My screenplay for the 4th Indiana Jones "The Mummified Penis (played by Ben Affleck as himself) of Doom" would have literally blown both of these away. Not to give too much away re: the plot details, but in my film the goverment enlists the help of Dr. Jones to stop another national disaster, the making of the film "Pearl Harbor 2". The climax of the film would have the audience jumping out of there seats with applause as Short Round stabs Affleck in the toupee with the voodoo knife from "The Temple of Doom".

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 1:21 p.m. CST

    The Wiesz

    by Reckoner

    Yeah, Wiesz was unbelievably hot in these movies. Good to see she wasn't dragged into this by money. She knows she is a better actress than this crap now.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 1:22 p.m. CST


    by Reckoner

    This is the adjective that comes to mind about this movie.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 1:46 p.m. CST

    It's a fact that Yeti are quite well read on American sports...


    Why do you think no one can get a clear photograph of one? Because they are hiding in our nations libraries reading up on the histories of athletic competition. Lord knows we're not reading anymore, we're too busy watching crappy movies.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 1:49 p.m. CST

    Yeti's Fieldgoal is the new Nuke the Fridge is the new jumped th

    by mildewproduction

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 1:49 p.m. CST

    i miss Rachel Weisz's sweet ass

    by BMacSmith

    its irreplacable.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 1:51 p.m. CST


    by BMacSmith

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 2:05 p.m. CST

    The Mummy: Tomb of the Rob Cohen

    by Reckoner

    It's amazing that his best film (Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story) is his best. It's been a steady decline since then. Never saw Stealth, but I should for Biel in bikini.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 2:06 p.m. CST

    by Reckoner

    *first film is his best

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 2:08 p.m. CST

    Is Cohen doing 3 Fast 3 Furious?

    by Reckoner

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 2:45 p.m. CST

    nice review, where's the LA Pineapple email?

    by irrelevntelefant

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 3 p.m. CST

    Touchdown, field goal, who gives a crap?

    by I am_NOTREAL

    I've been watching football a lot longer than I've been coming to AICN, three points or six, it's still a jarring non-sequitur of a joke from culturally tin-eared hacks.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 3:03 p.m. CST


    by conbarba

    I always liked her and she is quite able to do good stuff. Not here it looks like, but she deserves better.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 3:22 p.m. CST

    I am going to pass on this one.

    by whatyoufear

    Surprise! I'll admit to enjoying the first Mummy movie, while it was in theaters.. for what it was- mindless, entertaining cinematic escapism! But I couldn't tell you any plot points for either one of the previous entries in this series of films if my life depended on it. In one eye and out the other. I know there was a Scorpion King in there, somewhere.<p>Anyhow, after having seen The Dark Knight twice already (once in IMAX- you owe it to yourself to see this movie in IMAX before it is too late!!), I'm going to skip this Mummy shit in favor of seeing Hellboy 2 tonight.<p>I will also be skipping this Mummy shit next week in favor of seeing The Dark Knight again. CALL ME CRAZY!

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 3:36 p.m. CST

    To answer the question about fast and the furious

    by emeraldboy

    3. the answer is no. Those bridges are burned. Cohen hated what they did to that franchise.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 3:55 p.m. CST

    The Yeti kicked an extra point . . .

    by Nice Marmot

    ... so you tools are ALL wrong. SWEET, Only seven til . . .

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 4:22 p.m. CST

    11% on Rotten Tomatoes

    by Reckoner

    That's 11 out of 101 people. Ouch. And it will only get worse. Contender for the Razzies?

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 4:35 p.m. CST

    M-o-M, I posed this question in Harry's review.

    by skimn

    You get a lot of shit, and are called "arrogant", "narrow minded", etc. in your views of "popular" movies. I am curious what movies have you liked that would be considered fun, or even dumb fun, that you enjoyed that others didn't "get".

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 4:38 p.m. CST

    Hahahhaha 11% !!! Superb!

    by G100

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 4:47 p.m. CST

    If the yeti are scoring touchdowns and fieldgoals...

    by Mr. Nice Gaius

    ...there is no way this movie will flip the Batpod.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 4:48 p.m. CST

    This movie sucks? Well, holy horseshit on fire.

    by IAmJack'sUserID

    I mean after the previous two masterpieces, I expected nothing less! Nooh wait, those last two were pieces of shit. Ok, back to your regular programming.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 4:49 p.m. CST


    by ManosTHOF

    Touché, my friend.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 5 p.m. CST

    The Mummy movies where racist

    by Phategod2

    Rachiel Wiesz a decendant of Nefateri Someone look up Nefateri and see how that could even be plausible.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 5:15 p.m. CST

    Thank you GavinVanDraven

    by shran

    I thought that this TB was being inhabited by a bunch a namby pambys. With all the talk heralding this as THE GREATEST SUMMER SINCE ALL THE REVIEWERS ON AICN ALLEGEDLY GOT THEIR PUBES, I find the offerings to be a real mixed bag. KOTCS= so so at best. HB2= not an outpouring of praise so far. Speed Racer= flop city. X-Files= a bad series episode. And now this. I think it would be more accurate to say a lot of studios spent their money on some shitfests. Little too fast with the green light.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 5:28 p.m. CST

    Okay, so it was a field goal.

    by DocPazuzu

    Movie saved.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 6:07 p.m. CST

    Wow, just look at M-O-M's list.

    by DocPazuzu

    How more stuck up, predictable, pathetic and sad can you get? M-O-M's one of those people who only have "good" films, music and books on their shelves because they're so frightened of being seen liking the "wrong" thing. Show me the shit M-O-M's got hiding in his attic, basement or mom's house instead. <p> What a poseur fuck.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 6:16 p.m. CST

    Cohen was an idiot to let Weisz go

    by Drath

    He actually mocked her for not wanting to have a grown son in a film (of course she doesn't, Hollywood would label her an old woman!). And notably the adult son has so far been panned by every critic who felt like even mentioning he's in the movie. What idiot thought Frasier looked like he could HAVE an adult son anyway? Who the fuck wants him to have one? A fucking nimrod shithead, that's who. I once thought it a pity they stopped Cohen from making Sinbad with Harryhausen instead because I'd rather have seen Harryhausen get credit again...but any filmmaker that makes you miss Stephen Sommers needs to rethink his life. I still ache from what a shitty mess of mediocre crap Dragonheart was. Big CGI Dragon, Sean Connery's William Hurt in A History of Violence I was left saying "how do you fuck that up?!" Fuck, WILLOW was a better fantasy action movie. WILLOW!!! Geesh.************************** As excessive as The Mummy Returns was, it played better than it looked like it would on paper, and I was really surprised that the Nefertiri/Evie/assissination flashback scene played out as well as it did, particularly since it made no sense given the events in the previous film. I still think the Mummy movies and the Scorpion King were better than they had any right to be. No, they were no John Millius's Conan, but they were better than Fleicher's Conan the Destroyer and Red Sonja (this movie on the other hand sounds like it's right back in that territory).

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 6:18 p.m. CST


    by shran

    Well, my thoughts were aimed primarily at what I found to be crappolla. TDK was brilliant. I have only seen it once, but am dying to see it again. I found KOTCS full of flaws, but like a favorite relative, I could look past them and still enjoy the movie, at least on some level. But make no mistake, there were too many ridiculous things in that movie, even for a popcorn muncher like an Indy movie. So let's see: I liked The Hulk and Iron Man. Loved Wall E. But X-Files, HB2, Speed Racer, and Hancock weren't very good. It was supposed to be this fantastic summer of sweet goodness and I have to give it a 50/50 rating at best. TDK is just about enough to make up for it, but in the end, the studios may go back and examine how they spent their money and re-evaluate the sort of things that they give the greenlight to. Will we get a bunch of Merchant Ivory type stuff in the future? I don't know. But I doubt we'll get as many whiz bang blockbusters all in a row two years from now. But what do I know.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 6:38 p.m. CST


    by Mullah Omar

    How long will it take for the AICN "writers" to realize how shitty that film was?

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 6:43 p.m. CST

    I think Quentin Tarantino said it best.

    by skimn

    If it gets rerun check out his interview with Elvis Mitchell on TCM's Under The Influence. When asked what was the first film that scared him, that really shook him up, he replied Last House On The Left, because it was horror that felt like it could be real. Could relly happen.<p>In his defense of "Grindhouse" type B-movies, he said it didnt matter of the budget, or subject, or the technical aspects, but it was the point in the movie that you became invested in what was happening on screen that mattered. And that can be different for different people. Whats funny is that I'll usually check the movie reviews of The Detroit News and Free Press every Friday, and today one reviewer liked Mummy 3 for zippy fun, and the other detested it.<p>And M-o-M, I was curious about movies that tickled you, but others didn't get, such as your "guilty pleasures". I'm reminded of the time when Roger Ebert loved, just LOVED, Weird Science. And every other critic in the world hated it. But something about it spoke to Roger, and he embraced it.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 6:50 p.m. CST


    by Earthquake WestCoast

    To the average (non-fanboy) the mummy films were fun, escapist entertainment! It seems like all you fanboys only like DARK,DEPRESSING FILMS! What's up with that? Relax and enjoy a fun, even stupid film once in a while. The audience that say Mummy 3 with me loved the Yetis! Who gives a rats ass if the yetis kicking a touchdown wasn't realistic! We're talking about FREAKING YETIS! WHO'S TO F****ING SAY YETIS DON'T PLAY FOOTBALL! GIVE ME PROOF THAT THEY DON'T! HAHA! BTW.....Indy 4 was also a fun film to MOST OF THE AVERAGE MOVIE GOER! Especially with the over 40 crowd. They ate it up. As for DARK KNIGHT, it WASN'T the best film ever! It was just a good film, but nothing life changing. It's no EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, ALIENS, RETURN OF THE KING, THE INCREDIBLES, RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK. It was just a dark and depressing film. And I don't know why fanboys love the joker's pencil trick. That was nothing special. And the joker just acted like the crazy bad guy from the japanese film "Azumi". Heath did a good performance though, but it nothing to get excited and scream over like all you fanboys have been doing. Dam, you act like little teenybopper schoolgirls and a hanaha montana concert. Nothing wrong with the fridge scene in Indy 4 either! It fits right along with Indy falling a thousand feet off a plane in a life raft (temple of doom), and magical knights still alive from the crusades (last crusade), or even Indy being dragged in back of a moving truck without dying (Raiders). Enjoy life people! Enjoy it now before the Iran war starts and they start drafting people (both men and women) ages 18-32! Proceed.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 7:19 p.m. CST


    by conbarba

    I was talking about Isabelle Leong. As my subject line said.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 8:11 p.m. CST

    Bring them on....

    by j2talk

    We got the Mummy 3 and supposedly 2 more coming....and rumors of a 3rd National Treasure film...Keep them coming Hollywood.... your audience awaits

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 8:30 p.m. CST

    The Mummy Was Fun

    by Playhouse

    The Mummy Returns was a vile exercise in excess that completely sucked you right out of the movie. The kid was annoying. The whole thing with Evelyn's past Egyptian life was convenient and laughable. And the escalating effects were atrocious. And what's worse? It was all a precursor to the shitfest that was Van Helsing. After the Mummy Returns I couldn't have been less excited to see a third part, so it's not surprising what has been turned out. What sucks is I think they could have really made an adventure series - not particularly a Mummy series - out of the character of Rick O'Connell. Fraser should have wrested command of the character from Sommers and really built himself an entertaining franchise. That might have even kept Rachel Weisz in the game. When she declined to reprise her role, they should've realized a vital part of the chemistry mix was gone and they shouldn't have gone forward.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 10:27 p.m. CST

    Totally agree with Mori about Rachel Weisz

    by the podosphere

    and about the casting of Maria Bello. Why the filmmakers didn't take the opportunity to really change up the character when Weisz turned this down is puzzling. Bringing in a new wife for O'Connell, perhaps a woman who has heard these crazy mummy stories and at best half-believes them, opens up all kinds of character and relationship-related possibilities, not to mention the option of giving her a unique skill the team needs to deal with THESE mummies. <p> I'm still seeing it. I got a free ticket with my Blu-Ray Mummy disc.

  • Aug. 1, 2008, 11:32 p.m. CST


    by Phategod2

    Cleopatra from what I remember Was from Alexdria and very fair= not black. Nefateri I believe was of Etheopian Descent who resemble the common African or Middle Easterners = Not White.

  • Aug. 2, 2008, 3:46 a.m. CST


    by Motoko Kusanagi

    zzZZzz zzZZzz zzZZzz

  • Aug. 2, 2008, 7:48 a.m. CST

    Mori's poor mother..

    by Rupee88

    hanging all her hopes on a dumb Mummy film. Well my mother watches terrible TV and movies too, so I can relate.

  • Aug. 2, 2008, 9:30 a.m. CST

    saw it

    by mefrog

    Twenty minutes before the movie ended, the fire alarm went off and the movie shut off. My girlfriend and I decided it wasn't worth the wait, so we got up, got our money back, and left. I tried to take Harry's approach with it, that it was dumb fun.. but it wasn't.... it was fucking boring. Possibly the worst film I have seen so far this year.

  • Aug. 2, 2008, 10:15 a.m. CST

    same thing happend to me with...

    by emeraldboy

    Master and Commander and with ten mins to go. I really found that movie very boring. It looked great and the poduction design on it was fantastic and awesome and peter wier gets much credit for mounting a spectacular film. But I found the pace plodding. And i also thought there was a distinct lack of tension.

  • Aug. 2, 2008, 11:37 a.m. CST

    Had fun with Mummy 3!

    by Alex Mack

    The movie was fun! Everybody in the audience loved it. Bello did an o.k. job as Evie. The yetis were funny!!

  • Aug. 2, 2008, 12:25 p.m. CST


    by skimn

    I appreciate your theorem that the dumbing down of society can be linked to the bad movies we elect to watch.<p>For example, The Grudge was the number one film the same week that George W Bush was elected to his second term of office.<p>Coincidence.....????

  • Aug. 2, 2008, 12:49 p.m. CST

    Moriarty, watch ISABELLA by Pang Ho-Cheung

    by Harry Weinstein

    Isabella Leong can give an outstanding performance when it's not in a Rob Cohen film. And the title of the film is not a reference to its female lead, merely a coincidence. Don't write her off because she sucked in a film that is a great big pile of suck.

  • Aug. 2, 2008, 2:07 p.m. CST

    "I hate Mummies. They never play fair."

    by TheWaqman

    I knew it was going to be a complete pile of shit when I heard that line. What the fuck does that even mean? They never play fair? Is that supposed to be funny?

  • Aug. 2, 2008, 2:35 p.m. CST

    I had fun

    by amuhm

    Read all the reviews on the site. Majority of the time I wholeheartedly agree with the opinions of the reviewers, but I took my son to M3 matinee anyway. It is certainly no classic but I thought it was mindless fun. I wasnt expecting classic cinema or an adventure to rival Raiders. However, both my son (10 yrs old) thought it was enjoyable. I do agree that some of the potential was wasted but that doesnt mean what was on the screen was bad. I liked the yetis, the action sequences...the humor was a bit flat, but all in all, I had a good time at the movies.

  • Aug. 2, 2008, 3:20 p.m. CST

    by lodoss24

    I enjoy the first two. The first two had a sense of danger and some horror to it. This one didn't. The new wife in the picture didn't click. The Father/Son family feud didn't click. The first two were coherent and consistent. I don't understand how the main bad guy could transform into just about anything? The first major fight scene, with the attack on the temple with the Yheti. I just get the feeling, the director wants to make a War movie. There are some Saving Private Ryan Esque shots. The ending "soon after Mummy's were found in Peru" Aren't you to supposed to show not tell? Boo Boo Boo.

  • Aug. 2, 2008, 5:01 p.m. CST

    Rob Cohen should never be allowed to make another film

    by GQtaste

    another film. I've only seen one of his films and thats all I needed to see. The dude is in Paul W.S.Andersons league and makes Uwe Boll Chris Nolan. He's for the add crowd or 14 yr old boys. Fuck Rob Cohen!

  • Aug. 2, 2008, 8:09 p.m. CST


    by Adam Over

    A couple of people have mentioned a (film?) called HB2, me see nothing on imdb, can someone enlighten me.

  • Aug. 2, 2008, 8:17 p.m. CST

    Mummy 3=McDonalds

    by Earthquake WestCoast

    Mummy 3 equals McDonalds! Fun to eat...but will kill you in your sleep. While a movie like Iron man equals In-n-Out burger(If you're from california then you know what I mean). The Empire Strikes Back= Oh I don't know...maybe having your girlfriend actually make you a pizza from fresh bake dough she made herself and from a garden that she's been growing in her backyard for the past few months just to prepare for the day in which she's going to make you the pizza. Oh....Mummy 3 was fun! Oh again....Dumb movies don't make people stupid. Reality television makes people stupid!

  • Aug. 2, 2008, 11:10 p.m. CST

    Just because it bothers me, I must make note...

    by Chewtoy

    Football (and field goals) predate the 1940's by the better part of 50 years. Not sure when the hand signals for it came into play, but a football reference in the 40's isn't anachronistic at all. Now, snowmen of the Himalayas knowing it... that might be a little unlikely. Hard to say definitively. But as to the gist of the review, I agree with Moriarty. Just got back and thought it was a pretty lifeless film, with absolutely horrible one-liners. Plus, there's a caption joke at the end that feels like they couldn't even be bothered to come up with a way to tell it. Disappointing overall, since the story itself is decent.

  • Aug. 3, 2008, 5:23 a.m. CST

    Entertaining and on the same level as Mummy 1 & 2

    by The Founder

  • Aug. 3, 2008, 12:12 p.m. CST


    by Rameses

    =Hellboy 2

  • Aug. 3, 2008, 1:02 p.m. CST

    Real Terra Cotta Army

    by Nerves69

    I like the change in locale in this film. The Terra cotta army is real. But, the execution is sophmoric at best. For more on this, check out the wikipedia entry for terra cotta army. Also, check out some serious film analysis at Thank You!!!!

  • Aug. 3, 2008, 8:55 p.m. CST

    WOW ! rated at 9% now

    by G100

    On Rotten Tomatoes.<p> <p>I think I'll have to see at some point just to see if it really is as terrible as many people are saying. Though I won't be going to the Cinema that's for sure.