Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
WHAT IS MORIARTY DOING HERE? HERC? HERC, ARE YOU OKAY?!?
Herc's not here, man. Besides, he hasn't seen the season premiere of SOUTH PARK, and I have. So has Harry, and so has Robie, as a matter of fact. So have a big roomful of people. Comedy Central held a party a few weeks back where they premiered the episode for a friendly crowd. The Conga Room was packed tight for the event, and the crowd was kept entertained by one of the games of the World Series. It's a good thing there was a game on, too, since the episode wasn't actually finished as the party started. It was rushed over, fresh from an Avid, and thrown on screen well after the supposed start time, but I'm not complaining. After all, when Hercules, Harry and I went to see Matt and Trey at the DGA earlier this year, they talked about how late they frequently were with the show, and how much they changed things right up until something airs. To be honest, I was surprised they showed us something two weeks before the premiere. It wasn't finished, and before it started, Trey told us there was a good chance it would be completely different by the time it aired. Keep that in mind as I discuss my reaction.
WHAT'S IT CALLED?
I don't know. I don't have the luxury of having the episode on tape. I was at a party. I didn't have any paper.
WHO'S RESPONSIBLE?
ACK! What did I just say?! Matt and Trey's names were all over the credits. I saw Nancy Pimental's name go by. There were a lot of names! I got confused!
WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
Welcome to the Fourth Grade. That's right... the SOUTH PARK kids are getting older. Very, very slowly, but it's happening.
HOW CAN YOU TELL?
Well, there's the new opening credits, for one thing.
THERE'S NEW OPENING CREDITS?
Oh, yeah.
ARE THEY COOL?
Very. I laughed really, really hard at how high-tech big budget retarded they are. It's a thing of beauty.
HOW'S THE EPISODE?
Good. Darn good. I think SOUTH PARK got much funnier after the film came out last year. Season four had some blisteringly great highlights. "Timmy! 2000" was just plain great. I love Timmy! as a character. I don't care what anyone thinks about Timmy! as a character. I think he's awesome. He makes me laugh every time he shows up. I don't think he's a mean joke, either. If you watch tonight's season premiere, you'll see how well the other kids treat Timmy! They make sure to include him in things, and they all seem to genuinely like him and think he's cool. "Cherokee Hair Tampons" had a live-action commercial break that blew my mind the first time I saw it, and it featured the first reteaming of Cheech & Chong in years. "Something You Can Do With Your Finger" not only featured Timmy!'s directorial debut, but also roasted boy bands with the same efficiency the "Chinpokomon" episode roasted POKEMON the season before.
WAIT... YOU'RE DIGRESSING. WE ASKED ABOUT EPISODE 5.1!
I know, but I'll digress if I want to. I haven't written about SOUTH PARK's recent run of episodes on the page before, and there's highlights worth pointing out. In particular, one has to salute "Cartman Joins NAMBLA," an episode that may well stand as the funniest thing I've ever seen from Matt and Trey. It was filthy, unrelentingly scathing, and made jokes I never imagined I'd see on any television show. When I asked Matt Stone how they got this episode through the standards & practices department at Comedy Central, he said they only ever complained about the John Denver Experience jokes, and never the NAMBLA material. All I can say about that is... god bless Comedy Central.
OKAY... CAN WE GET BACK TO TONIGHT'S EPISODE?
Yeah. Sorry. You were saying?
WHAT'S DIFFERENT IN THE FOURTH GRADE?
The most significant change is the introduction of a new teacher.
IS THAT THE JANET RENO LOOKING CHARACTER IN THE COMMERCIALS?
It is, indeed. You've only seen glimpses, though. You haven't seen a really good long shot of Miss Chokesondik yet.
DID YOU SAY CHOKESONDIK?
I did, indeed.
UM... ISN'T THAT FILTHY?
Yeah. The funniest part of the gag is that the kids never pick up on it. They all laugh when they call her "Miss Makesmesick." It's this mixture of crudeness and sweetness that makes SOUTH PARK such a potent comic force.
SO SHE'S GOT A FUNNY NAME...
That ain't all she's got.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
Think two grapefruits dropped into the ends of tube socks.
OH, GOD...
Yep.
YOU DON'T MEAN...
I'm afraid I do. Breasts that hang almost to the edge of her shirt, swinging free. Miss Chokesondik doesn't wear a bra. I don't think anyone's ever built a bra that could hold these things. It's unnerving. By the end of the episode, she's being followed around by cats who keep batting at them. The crowd freaked out at least three times. I hope they didn't cut this episode down...
COULD THEY HAVE EDITED IT?
Easily. When she would raise her arms, allowing a quick peek out from under the edge of the shirt, the place went crazy. It was hysterical, but it was also sort of unbelievable. If they left this in, Comedy Central's even cooler than I already thought.
OKAY... SO THERE'S A NEW CHARACTER. WHAT ELSE IS DIFFERENT?
Kyle, Stan, Cartman, Kenny, Butters, Wendy, and the other kids are afraid that everything's changed. As the reality of getting older sets in, they all decide they want to go back to the third grade.
HOW WOULD THEY DO THAT?
With a Time Machine, of course!
OH, GOD, NOT ANOTHER TIME MACHINE! WHAT, DO YOU HAVE A FETISH FOR THE THINGS, MORIARTY?
Would I have built one if I didn't?
DID YOU BUILD THIS ONE?
No. SOUTH PARK is a cartoon. The people in it aren't real...
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
... except for the two guys who build the Time Machine for the kids in this episode. They were just called Geek #1 and Geek #2 in the script for the episode, but they were actually there... in the flesh... at the screening we attended. Matt and Trey made them stand up before the episode so we would understand the almost laser-specificity of the portrayal of them in the episode.
SO IT'S A REALLY GEEKY EPISODE?
Exceptionally geeky. Wait till you see the EMPIRE STRIKES BACK stuff.
THEY DO AN EMPIRE STRIKES BACK PARODY?
Yep. Mr. Garrison is back, and must face his inner gay self in a very familiar scene.
ANY OTHER MOVIE PARODIES?
The Time Machine goes horribly wrong at first, and Timmy! ends up trapped in his wheelchair, wired to a nuclear core that will explode if the chair goes under five miles per hour. Yes, that's right. It's SPEED... with Timmy!
SO IS EVERYTHING WRAPPED UP NICE AND NEAT BY THE END OF THE EPISODE?
Nope. There's permanent changes happening every week now. These characters are actually growing. I can't help but think back to when the show first started. There was an interview where one of them... either Matt or Trey... said, "We'd love to see the show gradually change, gradually morph into this other thing, until one day you'd look at it, and it wouldn't be this show about the four kids in Colorado anymore at all. It would be something totally different."
SO EVERYTHING'S DIFFERENT AT THE END?
Well, let's walk before we run. There's growth. That's enough.
YOU EXCITED ABOUT THE SEASON?
You bet. As long as the new live-action political show they're doing doesn't split Matt and Trey's attention too much, I think SOUTH PARK is still just starting to show us what it can be. I had a blast with the episode, and I hope it's an indicator of what's ahead.
MORIARTY'S RATING FOR SOUTH PARK 5.1?
***1/2
The Hercules T. Strong Rating System:
**** better than most motion pictures
*** actually worth your valuable time
** as horrible as most stuff on TV
* makes you quietly pray for bulletins
Go ahead - defy me! I'm used to it!
"Moriarty" out.
