Moriarty Wants To Know Why Ray Winstone Has Magic CGI Pants, And Suspects He Knows Who's To Blame!

Hey, everyone. ”Moriarty” here. So I don’t know if you heard or not, but there may be a trailer for a new INDIANA JONES movie out there now. Reactions have been passionate on all fronts, and you guys went Talkback Apeshit yesterday. I didn’t post the story, so I haven’t really commented on the trailer one way or another, and, frankly, I’m not sure I can sum it up in any sort of succinct manner. I think it’s sort of a mess as a trailer, setting aside the actual footage. It’s just paced strangely, and it doesn’t really sell the iconography of Indy in the right ways. But whatever. There is a more pressing issue than whatever the hell I thought of the trailer, and that issue is Ray Winstone’s magical CGI pants. My first thought was that he must have kept his wardrobe from BEOWULF, but then I realized that's fucking impossible. So... what is going on in this trailer? I have watched the shot that comes about a minute into the trailer over and over. It’s obviously been manipulated in some bizarre way, and it’s not just Winstone’s pants. It’s the pocket on Indy’s shirt, it’s the dudes in the background, and it’s the background itself. It’s all just hinkey. Seemed like a really weird choice to use as the reintroduction of Indiana Jones... a shot filled with dodgy CGI from one end of the frame to the other. As it turns out, Spielberg may not be the guy to blame for how strange that shot is. Instead, it may be the MPAA that forced the digital alterations to the shot. Why do I say that? Because of this image I found on the CHUD.com Message Boards earlier tonight.



What the hell? What am I? Four years old? At :40 seconds in, all those soldiers come running into frame. WITH MACHINE GUNS. How do we know? Well, because we can SEE THEM, and because we hear the sound of all of the guns being cocked at the same time. Guns established, MPAA. We now know they are there. Then a few shots later, we see the guns again. THEY ARE STILL THERE. And at :56 seconds, just to make sure we get the point, there’s the sound of a gun being cocked AGAIN. So we are reminded, “Hey, there are guns pointed at them!” Except... there aren’t. Not in the US version. Not really. And what we’re left with as our first glimpse in 19 years of this character that is so much a part of the film lives of a generation is this distracting, fuzzy, fucked-with image that will be fixed in the film anyway SO WHY DID YOU FREAKING BOTHER? I’m sorry. I just don’t understand. I’m going to call the MPAA today and Paramount as well and ask if anyone wants to comment, but I’m not sure I’m expecting anyone to actually address it. I’m sure Paramount and Spielberg did what they had to, and I guess under the circumstances, it’s as good as anyone could imagine. This sort of fix would have been impossible in the days before CGI, of course, but I don’t know that I think that’s a good thing. I hate that we are occasionally treated like fucking children by the MPAA, and that their excuse is always about protecting actual children. If you have to treat intelligent adult audiences this poorly on a regular basis to “protect the children,” I’d say you’re spectacularly shitty at your job and someone else should be given a chance to run the system. It’s been said before and said better, but it bears saying again: the MPAA is broken beyond repair, and the way they insult the consumers they are supposed to serve wouldn’t be allowed in any other industry. Can we get some verification from our international talkbackers? Can you guys look to see if your versions are different? And if they are... can a brother get a table dance? Give me some links to share. I’ll update this one if anyone feels like commenting on the record today, but for now, I’m just disgustipated. UPDATED! (3:30 AM) Someone just popped into our chat room: "[03:21:05] : Re: Indiana Jones trailer - not only are there guns in the international trailer, there is a US flag plastered over the US version. Naff version here." Thanks, Java. So let's check out the international version for the sake of comparison. Is this Spielberg's "Director's Cut" of the trailer? I'll update as the morning continues.

Drew McWeeny, Los Angeles