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Wow.
Before I begin this review – I need to clarify my use of the word… RETARDED. This is, by no means to infer that I am talking about those with actual mental handicaps. Rather – I’m using the word to describe the relaxed mental faculties willingly exercised via apparent influence by huffing paint or markers… possible addiction to crack… or an apparent ether binge. This is self-inflicted retardation.
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For those with attention spans too short to absorb an entire review, here is my one liner: This film is fucking retarded, even by Roland Emmerich's standards.
That's my DVD pull quote. Use it.
Honestly, I may not have had high expectations going in (the name "Roland Emmerich" does little for me, and the poster left me a bit uninspired), but I was still prepared to be surprised by it. I was hoping to be surprised by it. I was surprised, but only by how unintelligibly awful it was.
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Merrick here...
For such an OBVIOUSLY Geeky movie...from a high-profile Geek director (love him or hate him)...and for a film that's been as heavily promoted as this one...we've received precious few reviews of 10,000 B.C., which opens FRIDAY.
And maybe this is why we haven't heard too much.
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Hey, everyone. ”Moriarty” here.
I'm just not sure about this one.
Maybe it's me, but I've never really bought into caveman movies at all. It just seems like they are so fundamentally, socially, mentally different than us that trying to tell a story where they behave like we do just seems... wrong.
I'm sure this is just meant to be a fun action movie ride. That's what Emmerich does. And he certainly seems due for a big slice of mainstream fun after his last few.
Is this the one that'll connect with audiences? Well, let's see what this spy has to say:
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I've been really curious about this film for some time, and appreciate the irony / symmetry of our first test screening review arriving on the same day the trailer is unveiled.
I heard about this film a while back & didn't know what to expect. Like all things Emmerich, this seems to have a great look and heaps of audacity...qualities I consistently appreciate in the director.
Nonetheless, this is strange territory for any filmmaker, and many folks have tried and failed to walk this road in the past.
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