Broken bottles under children's feet, bodies strewn across the dead end street, but I won't heed the battle call, it puts my back up, puts my back up against the wall...
Inside Film Magazine is reporting that Sue Brooke (director of JAPANESE STORY, a film I really liked) will next helm SUBDIVISION, a comedy starring Gary Sweet, Steve Bisley, Bruce Spence, Brooke Satchwell, and Kris McQuade. Yes, apparently the film was cast in the late 1990s. Nevertheless, the film will shoot in Hervey Bay in Queensland as of this month.
The only serious relationship I've been in ended in a broken collarbone and a dead meerkat.
AICN-DOWNUNDER
Every year, amongst my friends, I would sweep the Oscar picks. I was consistently the clear winner. Then more people joined in, and we started putting in ten bucks a pop and having prizes and hiring a big venue. It's quite the affair now. Naturally, since we started doing prizes, I stopped winning. Stupid irony.
Just a minute - just a minute. Now, hold on, Mr. Potter. You're right when you say my father was no businessman. I know that. Why he ever started this cheap, penny-ante Building and Loan, I'll never know. But neither you nor anyone else can say anything against his character, because his whole life was - why, in the twenty-five years since he and Uncle Billy started this thing, he never once thought of himself. Isn't that right, Uncle Billy?
The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep. Did you hear me, Butterfly? Miles to go before you sleep.
AICN-DOWNUNDER
Hey kids! It's my one hundred and fiftieth AICN-Downunder. Pretty exciting, huh? No? Then I humbly apologise.
Tea can do many things, Jane, but it can't bring back the dead.
AICN-DOWNUNDER
You'd think the only two films in production were STAR TREK and JUSTICE LEAGUE. I mean, you gotta be getting sick of hearing about these things, right? Well, I've been able to link the JUSTICE LEAGUE film back to Australia somehow, so I'm going with the crowd and talking about it some more. Still working on how to justify talking about STAR TREK, beyond that ridiculous Russell Crowe rumour... wait! Hahaha, literally just found something whilst I was writing this editorial. Brilliant.
So, there are these places called Australia and New Zealand, and once upon a time they were really popular. They were popular because of this column called AICN-Downunder, a weekly column that ran every fortnight or so on a Texan movie website which is actually a front for a left-wing militia. Everything was fine until AICN-D's editor found himself writing/directing/presenting the second season of a TV show on Australian TV. This TV show was also about movies, had literally dozens of viewers, and was widely acknowledged by all who watched it as "on Thursday nights". The problem with this show existing is that it meant there was no time to work on AICN-Downunder, and so the column took a "break" for a few months.
In the time that it was offline, everybody forgot about Australia and New Zealand. Without AICN-Downunder continually reminding them of these lands, news soon dried up. "George Miller's Justice League movie to film in... elsewhere..." read the headlines. "Black Sheep, the horror/comedy made in... parts unknown..." began reviews. With both filmmakers and film fans confused as to where these long-since forgotten countries lay, the film industries dried up. Productions didn't so much shut down as faded away. Theatres closed. Chaos reigned.
Mobs of angry producers and actors figured out where the AICN-Downunder headquarters were, and stormed them. Carrying pitchforks and flaming torches, they descended upon the abandoned mannequin factory, finding a hunched, bearded, bedraggled figure lying curled in the corner. They began chanting the name "Latauro", until finally he looked up and said "That's just my pseudonym, fucktards". Then they were all like "Why are you being a little bitch? Just write another column. What's the frigging hold-up? Are you pissy because you don't have a black box in the talkback?". "No," he responded, "if I cared about that, I'd have subtly mentioned it in an editorial preamble." "Whatever," they said, still somehow in unison, "just write another damn column." He shrugged and dragged a nearby Macbook closer to his body. "Yeah, okay."
And thus, the Australian and New Zealand film industries were saved.
NEWS
Apparently, Newscorp's broadsheet newspaper The Australian is reporting that Russell Crowe will be playing the villain in the STAR TREK redux film that JJ Abrams is doing. I haven't seen any of the online news sites pick it up, most likely 'cos it's clearly garbage. But it's such outrageous garbage, I couldn't help but mention it. (Also, I want to provide someone with a great quote if it somehow turns out to be true. Oh, I've got all my bases covered, don't worry about that.)
Moving to more accurate Russell Crowe news, he's recently begun working with Leonardo DiCaprio in Ridley Scott's QUICK AND THE DEAD 2: QUICKER AND DEADER. Or, possibly, BODY OF LIES, about the hunt for an Al-Qaeda bomber. Rusty and Leo will play CIA operatives, and, if we're lucky, will spend most of the film yelling "Get the disc!" or some such variation.
One of the things I love about China is how much it doesn't abuse human rights. And that seems to be the position of the Australian government, which has just signed a deal to make a stack of productions, including films and telemovies. The first one to kick it off is THE CHILDREN OF HUANG SHI, directed by Roger Spottiswoode, which recently finished filming. CHILDREN is about an Australian nurse who saves a group of orphans during the Japanese occupation of China in 1937. To be fair, Australia also has similar "film treaties" with a stack of other countries (including Germany, Israel, Canada, and many others), but I'm sure those countries wouldn't object to the word "democracy" appearing anywhere in the script. Just saying.
AWARDS, FESTIVALS AND SCREENINGS
2007 VENICE FILM FESTIVAL
Gotta give mad props to Our Cate for picking up the Best Actress award... for playing Bob Dylan. How cool is that? I haven't seen the film yet, but I've seen a few clips, and somehow she does come off as the most accurate Dylan. Astonishing.
BOX OFFICE
I've seen worse lists. I've seen better lists, too, but it's nice to see two decent blockbusters atop the list.
1. THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM
2. RATATOUILLE
3. NO RESERVATIONS
4. I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK AND LARRY
5. DIE HARD 4.0
RELEASED THESE PAST THREE MONTHS... ER... LAST WEEK
Matthew Newton beats the crap out of his stockbroking lead role, Norma Khouri stars in the sequel to ACCEPTABLE ¢ANDOR, John Travolta still looks less silly than he did in BATTLEFIELD EARTH, and surfing penguins? Who the hell came up with the-- wait, I loved the chef rat film. Never mind.
THE BET
FORBIDDEN LIE$
HAIRSPRAY
SURF'S UP
INTERVIEW
Okay, technically this interview wasn't conducted for AICN, but I've been raving about BLACK SHEEP here since the very beginnings of its pre-production, and was sad that I never got to write about the project's finality in this forum. After all the pimping I gave the film, I was beyond relieved to discover it was actually worth everything I'd written about it (I was prepared to trash it if it sucked, but it doesn't mean I wasn't dreading that potential review). I dug the hell out of it, and felt it did everything a good horror/comedy should (ie: it was horrific and funny). So here, for your embedding pleasure, is an interview with the film's writer/director Jonathon King that was conducted by myself and a fellow named Shannon Marinko for that afore-mentioned show "The Bazura Project". Enjoy...
I've decided to stop setting ridiculous agendas for myself. Like, for instance, last year when I had it in my mind that I could write one of these columns every week instead of every fortnight. Now, every fortnight is a struggle. Blame -- plug alert -- the new season of "The Bazura Project", which has again taken me away from family, friends and sleep. But enough there. I'll plug it more at the end of the column.
I love you, really. With all due respect, you're a beautiful person. You're a credit to your race.
AICN-DOWNUNDER
One of the most closely-guarded productions around has been WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE, the Spike Jonze adaptation of the classic children's book (one that was, for me, quite seminal during those formative years). The film shot in Melbourne last year, and nobody was allowed anywhere near it. This rule was soon changed when the dailies showed that none of the cast or crew had been able to get on set.
A few weeks ago, however, I saw some stills from it. Also, a fair bit of footage. Me viewing this stuff was conditional upon me not publishing them online, but I wouldn't have anyway. If they want to keep their film secret until they're ready, I don't want to be the dick who ruins it.
First up, a quick hello to all my friends and family. Yes, I am still alive. Sorry none of you have heard from me in several weeks, but, well, I've been pretty busy.
It's hard to prepare yourself for the amount of work making a weekly half hour TV show requires. As busy as you expect it to be, it's going to be busier. And that's with about seven people working on it constantly, and a back-up team of a dozen or so more. It would probably be easier if we wrote a show that just required us to sit around in the studio and talk crap, but most of what we write is incredibly elaborate given our complete lack of budget, so the workload increases...
For a while now I've been trying to get a TV show off the ground. We (that is, myself and the people I made it with) spent a good deal of this year shopping our pilot around to the networks. After some pretty intense bidding, we opted to go with Channel 31, a community TV station that supplies us with air time and studio space, but no budget. It took some strong words to convince my partners that we should turn down the millions offered to us by Eddie McGuire, but this is the only way I felt we could prevent ourselves from selling out. *cough*
Now you're looking for the secret... but you won't find it. Because you want to be fooled.
AICN-DOWNUNDER
There's nothing more boring than listening to a film critic complain about how boring red carpet events and premieres are. So you might want to skip down to the news section.
I attended the BORAT premiere the other night, which was relatively cool. I mean, it's a cool feeling walking up the red carpet as hundreds of people either side try to work out why someone dressed as poorly as you would ever be invited to something like this. Anyone who says they don't enjoy it is lying. It's cool. Also, I used to work at the Jam Factory, so pausing to cheek kiss all the pretty Village employees working the event certainly adds to the "Hey, aren't I awesome?" factor.
I'm writing this on the 5th of November, and fittingly my friends have just put on V FOR VENDETTA. Even more fittingly, I'm watching the film as I ruminate on the current state of the media in this country. See, media laws are changing, and not for the better. The Australian Broadcasting Corporation is feeling the brunt of this, as politicians take umbrage at the network they supposedly fund daring to criticise their governance.
Look, I know this isn't the forum to get political, and I certainly try to avoid it when I can manage to, but I'm sick to death of politicians and others mistaking impartialism for left wing bias. Of course the ABC is going to look like it's leftist when stacked up next to Channels Nine and Seven! Even Family First looks leftist next to them!
