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Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. I was out most of the day catching up on some end of the week errands and I return to the computer to find the email inbox flooded with readers sending links to Screen Daily who have a story up about a sales company called Velvet Octopus who will be shopping a sequel to DONNIE DARKO at Cannes.
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Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. I'm a little pissed off at this. So, we've wanted a future war movie for a long time. That movie in the TERMINATOR franchise is akin to us seeing the Alien homeworld in an ALIEN film. It's something we didn't think we'd ever see.
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Hey, everyone. ”Moriarty” here.
Why does this review not surprise me?
Remember, kids, this is from the director of LEONARD PART 6 and CITY SLICKERS PART 2: THE SEARCH FOR SOMEONE WHO STILL GIVES A FUCK. Ick. Ick. Ick.
Hey everyone. Capone in Chicago here
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Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. Brett Ratner's in talks to direct THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN which has been long in the works as an Eddie Murphy vehicle. If I remember correctly 5 years back it was supposed to go with Keenan Ivory Wayans directing.
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Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. Joy... MY BLOODY VALENTINE getting remade. I guess it's cool getting a horror movie in 3-D, but why another remake?
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Hey, everyone. ”Moriarty” here.
Sorry for the bluntness of that headline, but I’m having trouble wrapping my head around this one.
If you haven’t been following the behind-the-scenes drama surrounding the American remake of the classic Channel 4 sitcom SPACED, you’ve missed some pretty juicy stuff.
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Hey folks, Harry here... I'm a bit under the weather... took a big dose of Nyquil and woke up 15 hours later in a daze. It's a beautiful day outside and as I've been going through the 800 or so messages that have accumulated since I last logged in - I read a notice from a friend of mine, Michael Kaluta. He received a call from Dave Stevens' mother that Dave passed on yesterday. She said it was a blessing, as Dave had been suffering a lot of pain, due to chemo and had no prospects for it "getting better".
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Wow.
Before I begin this review – I need to clarify my use of the word… RETARDED. This is, by no means to infer that I am talking about those with actual mental handicaps. Rather – I’m using the word to describe the relaxed mental faculties willingly exercised via apparent influence by huffing paint or markers… possible addiction to crack… or an apparent ether binge. This is self-inflicted retardation.
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Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. I guess we've gotten to that point. Universal has made a deal with Hasbro to make a shit-ton of their board games into movies. Apparently Hasbro only gives their toy lines to Paramount/Dreamworks (Transformers and GI Joe) and now Universal has a monopoly (zing!) on the board games.
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Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. Is THE HOBBIT the new Don Quixote? Is it a cursed project? Bob Shaye finally works out his deal with Peter Jackson and then he's hit with another lawsuit, this time it's an even bigger one... from the Tolkien estate... technically it's the Tolkien Trust, a British charity that manages the estate.
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Quint here. I don't know what to say. I'll probably ramble a bit, but I'm still reeling from this... I'd heard that Roy Scheider was battling cancer, but I thought he had control of it. I've seen him pop up on TV and he looked great... strong, intimidating... full of life. He died this weekend.
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Hey, guys. Quint here. One of the more eye-catching stories that hit the inbox in the last few days was the passing of a man by the name of John Alvin. I saw it as I was traveling back to Austin and now that I've settled back in I looked into it.
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Hey folks. Capone in Chicago here. I've got three reviews of comedies opening today. Let's just say that I'm grouping them together for a reason.
WELCOME HOME, ROSCOE JENKINS
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NOTICE: Looking for funny people... know any?
this will be a short and simple one. Give us your best joke in the talkback below. Bring the funny and bring the brevity. One entry per person, contest begins now, and three winners will be announced Friday evening.
Should there be a duplicate joke entry, the first one is counted and the second one wasted their entry.
The GRAND PRIZE winner gets a FANTASTIC FEST gift bag from the last fest (filled with goodies, whatever they may be,) a VVWW poster, and the VVWW cap. Second and third place get the poster and the cap.
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Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. I watched the Globes last night and really... how lame can you get? I fully support the Writers and I think they're finally playing it smart, going to the smaller studios (Weinstein Co., UA and rumored to be doing so with Lionsgate) and making individual deals... that'll force the bigger studios to follow suit when the smaller guys can start new projects and they can't.
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Hey, everyone. ”Moriarty” here.
Did you see what I said when I introduced the review for IN THE NAME OF THE KING? Well, it applies here, too. This guy actually went and sat in a theater that was playing this film so that he could tell you about it and save you from ever having to duplicate the experience. Isn’t that worth a few minutes of your time? Talk about taking one for the team. Everyone knows January and February are when you really earn your battle scars as a film critic...
Hey Moriarty,
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Hey, everyone. ”Moriarty” here.
If this poor fucker had to sit through this movie, the least you can do is take the time to read his reaction to it. It’s the decent thing to do.
Bad Uwe. Bad, bad Uwe.
Greetings all,
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VERN VS. ALIEN VS. PREDATOR DASH REQUIEM
Aliens, predators, why do you always gotta fight? Why can't you just resolve your differences? I know they say "whoever wins, we lose" but I've seen both the AvP movies and clearly nobody is winning anything. We lose, and you lose our respect.
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Harry here... It's the Holiday time period. Post Christmas.... Pre New Year... I'm in an incredibly good mood... or was. I think I had completely given up on the notion that Paul (worthless shit) Anderson was remaking DEATH RACE... A film that at one point was to be directed by Jan De Bont and had folks like Tom Cruise and Sylvester Stallone rumored to be attached. But then... like a post-apocalyptic cockroach crawling out of the wreckage of eons of development hell imerges... Paul W.S. Anderson... An incredibly nice and charismatic smoldering train wreck of talent.
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Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. I don't know how wise it is to expect anything other than absurdity from a movie based on a fighting video game and it looks like TEKKEN: THE MOVIE won't break the grand tradition started by STREET FIGHTER and kept alive by multiple MORTAL KOMBAT movies and DOA: THE MOVIE.
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Hello there. Quint here. This really hasn't sunk in yet. I can't really claim to be the world's foremost expert on Knievel or his biggest fan, but he always seemed to be one of the indestructibles. I mean, everybody has seen his rag-dolling videos played on repeat. The man seemed to have blackmailed death, surviving things ordinary men shouldn't be able to.
His granddaughter has told BBC News that he died today at the age of 69.
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Ahoy, squirts! Quint here. I think Harry's speechless over this. He first brought up the Variety story announcing a TOM SWIFT film in the works, gave me a little shit for not really knowing anything about the classic series of kids books, then read the Variety article and started uttering half-sentences about how much they're fucking it up.
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Those worried that the first celebrity edition of “The Apprentice” would, like VH1’s “Surreal Life,” find itself stocked with has-beens and D-listers need worry no longer!
Look! Press release!
SEVENTH INSTALLMENT OF REALITY HIT TO RETURN TO NEW YORK CITY WITH ALL-STAR LINEUP
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MR. MAGORIUM'S MAGIC EMPORIUM
Hey everyone. Capone in Chicago here, and I'm going to keep this short.
There isn't a single moment of this film that I didn't hate. No matter how many cheery smiles or magical moments or colorful toys or spirited tots or wacky parents or adults who see that's okay to be a kid inside writer-director Zach Helm (writer of STRANGER THAN FICTION) throws my way, MR. MAGORIUM'S MAGIC EMPORIUM is my newly defined definition of hell.
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The sooner the strike is settled the sooner the writers can return Dwight Schrute and Nancy Botwin and Chloe O’Brien and Hurley Reyes to us!! (You don’t want the studio execs writing these characters, do you??)
KINDLY CLICK HERE TO SIGN!!
As I type this at 4:55 p.m. PT, there are 3,483 signatures.
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