Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
I firmly believe that Gene Roddenberry and L. Ron Hubbard are hanging out together somewhere, continuing to create crappy sci-fi to share with the world long after their public deaths. How this is occurring is something that only another really bad non-dead dead sci-fi writer could answer. In the meantime, here's HERCULES THE STRONG with his take on the somewhat semi-anticipated ANDROMEDA. Enjoy!!
Andromeda 1.1 FAQ
WHAT IS “ANDROMEDA?”
A new syndicated science fiction series. Like “Earth:
Final Conflict,” it is a Canadian production based on
a concept created by “Star Trek” mastermind Gene
Roddenberry before his 1991 demise.
WHY DO WE CARE?
Because, like “Star Trek,” this is a sci-fi series
about the adventures of a starship and its captain.
WHEN DOES IT AIR?
This week. It’s syndicated. Most markets will see it
between Monday, Oct. 2 and Sunday, Oct. 8.
THE CAPTAIN OF THE ANDROMEDA IS NAMED DYLAN HUNT. WHY
DOES THIS SOUND SO FAMILIAR?
This is the third Roddenberry-created pilot to feature
a main character named Dylan Hunt. Both “Genesis II”
(1973) and “Planet Earth” (1974) told the tale of
Hunt, a man frozen in time for centuries. In both
cases, Hunt would reawaken from a freak cryogenic
mishap to find his world devolved, chaotic and
otherwise transformed. (Both Hunts also had an
adorable female sidekick named Harper-Smythe.)
WHAT IS “ANDROMEDA” ABOUT?
It’s about a starship captain who, in an effort to
evade deadly enemies, plunges his ship toward a black
hole which leaves him frozen in time for 300 years.
He emerges to find his galaxy devolved, chaotic and
otherwise transformed.
DID RODDENBERRY WRITE THE PILOT?
No, this one is just based on Roddenberry notes. The
pilot was written by Robert Hewitt Wolfe, who wrote
one of the last episodes of “Star Trek: The Next
Generation” and a whopping 38 episodes of “Star Trek:
Deep Space Nine.”
ANY GOOD?
Yeah, I’ll be tuning it for episode two. Episode one
starts poorly but picks up steam.
CARE TO ELABORATE?
The first half-hour deals with the original crew of
the Andromeda, all of whom are people (or creatures) I
would not want to spend a lot of time with. Happily,
every member of the crew save Capt. Hunt are long dead
by the second half-hour, which deals with the salvage
crew who pluck the Andromeda from temporal stasis –
and who will presumably join Hunt in his efforts to
restore order to the galaxy.
HOW ABOUT A RUNDOWN OF THE SEVEN REGULARS?
* DYLAN HUNT (Kevin Sorbo), the captain of the
Andromeda, wants to restore “The Commonwealth,” the
federation of planets that fell a short while after he
became frozen in time.
* BEKA VALENTINE (Lisa Ryder) is the amazonian captain
of the salvage crew. She is a no-nonsense blonde
sitting on a lot of debt she hopes the Andromeda will
alleviate.
* TYR ANASAZI (Keith Hamilton Cobb) is a dreadlocked
combat specialist whom we barely get to meet at the
end of the first episode. He may be a member of the
genetically-engineered Nietzschian race that helped
destroy Hunt’s Commonwealth.
* TRANCE GEMINI (Laura Bertram) is a half-naked party
girl with purple skin and pointed ears. She will
remind you of “Big Brother’s” Britney. She’s one
nice-looking environment/artificial gravity specialist
with a lot of personality.
* REV BEM (Brent Strait) is a lizard-face whose race
apparently likes to eat and/or rape other races
(though Rev does not). The Commonwealth’s willingness
to make peace with Rev’s people is apparently what led
to the Commonwealth’s downfall.
* SEAMUS HARPER (Gordon Michael Woolvett) is Beka’s
twerpy engineer. He’s the regular I liked least.
* ANDROMEDA (Lexa Doig) is the super-cute
eurasian-looking holographic representation of the
ship’s computer brain. You are encouraged to look in
awe upon her cleavagy charms!
BRITNEY? ARE YOU SUFFERING FROM “BIG BROTHER”
WITHDRAWAL, HERC?
What does this have to do with “Andromeda??” Shut
up!!
HOW’S SORBO?
Disturbingly wooden. But I was not a mammoth fan of
“Hercules: The Legendary Journeys” (and, yes, I am
aware of the irony). The producers might want to
consider a shorter haircut.
WHAT CHARACTER DO YOU LIKE THE BEST?
(Herc lowers his head in shame.) The Britney one…
ARE THERE PROBLEMS?
Nothing insurmountable, but the show may engender a
new appreciation for Rick Berman. This series
underscores why “Voyager” and “DS9” were right to
avoid overelaborate alien makeup. And I am troubled
by Harper’s fondness for late 20th century
exclaimations like “We rule!!”
HOW DOES IT END?
The salvage guys have just learned the captain of the
Andromeda never abandoned ship. The mission's
financier decides to unleash superwarrior Tyr Anasazi
to deal with this contingency.
YOUR RATING FOR “ANDROMEDA,” HERC?
***
The Hercules T. Strong Rating System:
**** better than most motion pictures
*** actually worth your valuable time
** as horrible as most stuff on TV
* makes you quietly pray for bulletins
Your defiance only serves to amuse me!
I am -- Hercules!
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