Tonight... Ahhhhhh... The reason I'm not in line for STAR WARS just yet. You see... There are other lines... There's a pattern... a system to our collective madness. You see. WE... We're geeks, real ones, not the guys out there raising money for charity (a noble pursuit I'll give em that) but for the rest of us. Well... We just love Star Wars. And tonight... For geeks around the country was the first unifying peek of what is to come.

You see, tonight was the MIDNIGHT MADNESS to acquire STAR WARS EPISODE ONE toys. Heh heh... And for folks like me (and Kevin Smith who was shopping at the Eatontown, NJ Toys R Us store as I got in line in Austin at 11:01pm central) this STAR WARS thing is not just a movie, but an entire gigantic sucking of cash from our billfolds. We are the helpless masses that wander in search for our Darth Maul flipfaced watches and inflatable Padme thrones. For me... this was... LINE ONE! Well, technically LINE TWO, the first one was at the UNIVERSAL CITY WALK to get in to see the first Trailer. But, for the month of MAY, this was line the first one. There were folks in costume (Boba Fett, Waampa and Imperial Guard) all three were outstanding, and a part of me wondered. How much longer these would be the costumes of choice. Would we soon be seeing folks in Maul wear, black men with shaved heads wearing Jedi robes and doing Pulp Fiction dialogue, little children wearing little Anakin outfits? Hmmmm

I arrived about an hour before the TOYS R US opened and... well I was probably number 300 in line. And before the doors slid open there were at least 400-500 people behind me. It was Father Geek, Copernicus, Quint and myself that dared this crowd. People were rapping on the concept of evil toy scum guys buying up all the Darth Mauls and selling them outside for $55. But instead, from these bastards I heard them talk of going to EBAY with their profiteering. Fucking assholes! I hate these people. Toys are meant to be opened and played with, not suffocating in a plastic death chamber whilst you wait to get rich!

Soon I was being interviewed by regular geek types that were simply documenting the LINE... Line one. One lady had her VHS tape confiscated by the TOYS R US gestapo that "Vill not TOLERATE anty shooootin' in ere!" So here it is... She interviews folks all in the line, then.... BAM... No more coolness. You know... This is the sort of thing that can result in.... Long standing prejudices against corporate entities.

When the doors slid open, the crowd rushed. Copernicus had run to the rear entrance to beat everyone in... He did! Thus collecting up many of the rarest toys. When those doors opened, humanity was no longer a chief concern. We were the lowest most base creatures on the planet. Driven by a singular desire, "MUST GET DARTH MAUL.... MUST GET JAR JAR BEANIE BABY..." Perhaps dual desires, but desire none the less. Covet was a word on our minds. We coveted what lay inside and if we had to push, shove, stampede and lie to get our toys, we were.

As we began rushing forward you could feel the electral adrenaline rush coarsing through your body. The toys... They were inside.... Get them... We rushed, no longer caring for our fellow people, I just pushed past, people grabbing hold of my leg to be pulled into the store with me. Little kids running down the EXIT aisles to get to what they wanted.

Inside... Swimming pools filled with figures, and the human piranha were praying on the nourishment we wanted. Chancellor Valorum figures were flying to the floor being tossed aside for nearly anything else. One kid screams out, "I GOT HIM! JAR JAR!!!!" The older crowd laughs, the kid is puzzled. The grown ups (well as grown up as a bunch of so called adults digging in a pile of Star Wars figures in a kiddie pool can be) asking "Have you seen any MAULS?" One fella was off on the side with a basket filled with MAULS... How the fuck did that happen? What the hell? He set up shop trading. A DARTH MAUL for each thing he wanted. He was a true WATTO.

Then as folks slowly began to be satiated with their legos and storybooks, the frenzy became a, "What do I have in my arms?" mode as everyone divided up to the three corners of the known universe (Toys R US was our known universe) and began to see what they had? Then began trading. Suddenly I saw a kindness to their fellow human beings. What a friggin JOY! Civility, humanity? Here? A smile crossed my face as I realized. MONDAY... Midnight.... TOWER RECORDS.... THE SCORE. Sure I've heard it, but not in my car!

We all left. I was nearly $200 lighter on my card. But... Heh.. I had toys! I began instantly opening EVERYTHING. Ships, figures, watch, strange microchip reading device... not sure how this thing works.... I got 14 figures and four space ships. Me a happy boy. You might notice a lack of updates today.... That's cause... Right now... I'm playing!....

My god this is fun... they make noises.... Cool noises.... heh heh... They talk.... My god, I need to become super rich! We all do! I only missed out on one thing I wanted, and that was the Darth Maul on his Sith Speeder. Oh well... Perhaps in the morning at TARGET!

NOW FOR THE THING I WASN'T AT

Ya know... In a 'Gorillas in the Mist' sorta way I wish I had been there. This sounds absolutely miserable. One fella called me up telling me how this handicapped dude on crutches was forced to stand out in this mud pit of a line whilst the heavens rained down upon him because there was no... "handicap line". And then another person called up screaming about how there was more rain in the tents than out of them. You know. I've set up at shows for my entire life as a dealer (save the last year) and... ya know. If a buncha drug using hippies like my parents and their friends could throw a show without any of these problems that were attended by more than 10,000 people... Well... Ya know... Um... George? Give Father Geek a call next time. He's only been doing this sorta thing since.... TIME BEGAN. At least put an Eagle Scout in charge, "BE PREPARED" Of course, Garp's Law does play into such events, thus making them the miseries we bitch and moan about till our memories fade and our bladders leak. Ahhhhh, I can't wait.

I'm lucky enough to live down the street(well ok a 15 minute ride) from the site of the Star Wars Celebration. I just got back and was rather disappointed.

I'm not a HARDCORE fan so maybe you want to take my words with a grain of salt...

Major complaints....

1. The mainstages are outside under tents. It's rained all day! The weather here in Denver has been really crappy for a week or so! Why do this outside? The tents where miserable. The flood had huge puddles and the tents leaked!

2. The dealer room was in a tent too! WHY?? Why would you even think of putting all these collectibles outside? Big puddles, leaking roof, WHY??? The dealers where pissed and from a conversation I eavesdropped on the dealers where planning to demand compensation for the conditions.

3. No information packets where available. I kept hearing "they're on their way". The finally "We'll have them tomorrow morning".

4. Again I overheard that a guest didn't show up and on of the stages was empty with no MC.

5. The line for the office "Store" was just stupid. Me and my buddies waited for over an hour to get in. As we approached what we thought was the entrance we where informed that the line continued outside(in the rain) with another hour wait. A few guys coming out with some very cool Darth Maul jackets told us that once inside they only had ONE credit card machine hooked up to a cell phone.