FATHER GEEK here with our dear warped Professor's looks at some of the piles of paper that are going to be stocking the bookshelves of stores and Geeks the worldover in the coming days. YOU MAY NOT WANT TO READ FURTHER!!! BE WARNED!!! The Evil One is out to spill the beans! Not only should you stop reading here now, NOW!!!, buuuuut, DON'T GO TO YOUR LOCAL BOOKSTORE!!! DON'T GOOOOOO!!!!! You have been warned by FATHER GEEK. Stay at home! Turn off the TV! It is nearly here,and nothing can stop the advancing onslaught, you will be buried alive unless you seek shelter now. NOW!!! Run hide, cover your eyes, plug your ears, pray, at the top of your lungs!!!

"Moriarty" here.

I'm so ashamed of myself. I couldn't wait. I tried to be patient. I know both books are going on sale next Tuesday, and I tried telling myself that over and over and over.

Didn't help. Last night, I did what I swore I wasn't going to do. Last night, I shoved some henchmen into the sidecar of the Moriartycycle and headed out to a local bookstore right around closing time. We muscled our way in just as the store was closing, and I had my henchmen disable the store clerks, leaving me alone with the manager. Two minutes latre, I had bent him completely to my will, and he showed me to the back room, where all the stock was being kept in anticipation of next week's street date.

Good God... it's really here. Looking at dozens of boxes packed with picture books, coloring books, comic adaptations, coffee table character guides and cutaway collections, along with dozens of assorted little gift items, it hit me harder than it did even when I read the script last year. It's here, it's here, the wait is over... STAR WARS is here!

I decided not to go crazy. Plenty of time for that as the summer wears on. Instead, I opted for just two books -- THE ILLUSTRATED SCREENPLAY and Terry Brooks' adaptation. I chose the Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon version of the novel cover. I was surprised that my copy was sealed in plastic. I guess they don't want fans flipping right to the end. I don't know what they're worried about after seeing the track listings on the soundtrack. Talk about spoilers... sheesh!

As soon as I erased the poor sap's memory, we fled the bookstore and hurried back to the Moriarty Labs. Now it's early Saturday morning. I've been up all night, reading both books as well as my copy of THE BEGINNING, the film's third draft script, dated May 13, 1997 and revised June 6, 1997. I've been comparing the three, and before I get into the relative merits of each, I want to reemphasize something I said back in January. I believe it even more firmly now. I love this story unreservedly. I can't speak to the final film, but as a story, I think PHANTOM MENACE is the richest chapter of the saga so far.

There have been any number of changes made between my script and the published version. Overall, the final script has been streamlined, finessed in many subtle ways. In the opening sequence, there's a scene with two worker droids off to the side of the action commenting on the arrival of the Jedi on the Trade Federation Battleship. In the final script, that scene's been combined with the scene that originally came after it, and the effect in noticeable. The final scene works much more efficiently, and there's a snap that wasn't in the earlier drafts.

There's big changes, too. The two headed alien announcer Fode/Beed isn't in the original draft. Well... the character is, but without a name or any dialogue. In the published version, he's got a fair amount of scripted dialogue, including character intros for the various pod racers. In fact, the entire pod race sequence is improved in dozens of little ways in the final script. The detail is more precise, and it pays off. Take the start of the race for example. Originally, it was just a green light that started the race. Now, there's a green light, but it takes its cue from Jabba, who kicks things off in a memorable gag (with a great storyboard in the book). As a whole, I can't imagine how beautiful this whole sequence is going to be.

There's two very important moments in the final script that were not in the draft I had, and one of them is something I got asked about literally hundreds of times after my first review of the script ran. Without giving it all away, let me say that Lucas does address the nature of Anakin's birth now, but he's still left it open to interpretation. I don't think the five lines of dialogue he added to the script answer much of anything. There will be much debate on the topic, I'm sure. The other major addition is a scene between Obi-Wan and Yoda at the film's end. It's a crucial addition, and I'm glad it was included.

There's one moment in particular that George cut from the script that really broke my heart. It's not in the novel, either, so I'd like to share it with you so it doesn't get lost completely. It's not a giant "almost" like Lando's death in ROTJ, but it's an interesting glimpse at what might have been.

The scripts are the same as Anakin brings Qui-Gon, R2, Jar Jar, and Padme home to meet his mother Shmi. As the adults talk, Anakin takes Padme to his bedroom to show off a drod he's reconstructing. This is where we pick up:

ANAKIN shows off his ANDROID, which is lying on his work bench. There are two eyes in the head; the body, arms, and legs have no outer coverings.

ANAKIN Isn't he great?! He's not finished yet.

PADME He's wonderful!

ANAKIN You really like him? He's a protocol droid... to help Mom. Watch.

ANAKIN pushes a switch, and the DROID lights up and sits up.

THREEPIO How do you do? I am See-Pee-O, Human Cyborg Relations.

PADME See-Pee-O? Shouldn't he have a number? All the protocol droids I've ever known have had a number.

ANAKIN Really? (thinks) What's your favorite number?

PADME I don't know. Three, I guess.

ANAKIN OK... three it is.

ANAKIN grabs an electronic gadget with a handle from his desk, pops it into THREEPIO's head, and ratchets the handle several times to get a desired setting. He pushes a button in the handle, and THREEPIO is jolted several times. He stands up.

THREEPIO Ooh... ow... eek... aah... oh. How do you do? I am See-Threepio, Human Cyborg Relations. How may I serve you?

PADME He's perfect.

Now, in the final draft of the script, Lucas has cut everything from when the Droid first sits up to when he introduces himself as C-3PO. The origin of the three is gone. Was it important? Nope, not at all, but it was a touch I loved. The thought that C-3PO's name would always carry a hint of Anakin and Padme really appealed to me. Lucas drops so many other seeds for the rest of the saga in this film that I wish he'd left in this one. Oh, well... I guess the explanation for the three that Terry Brooks offers is going to be canon now. According to the novel, Anakin uses the three because the droid is the third member of his family. I don't know... which do you prefer?

The novelization obviously used Lucas' final draft, the published version, as source material. Actually, I'm loathe to use the word "novelization." It always sounds like something sub-literary, and in most cases, that's true. Lucas has gone the same route James Cameron went for THE ABYSS, though. On that film, James hired novelist Orson Scott Card, a brilliant writer in his own right, to flesh out the script into a real book. If you can find the novel now, pick it up. It really enhances the viewing experience. The same could be said, I'm guessing, about the exemplary work that Terry Brooks has done here, finding all the nuance and color of the script and using it to maximum effect. In addition, the original material he's created in the book (Chapters 1, 2, and 6) all adds depth to the character of Anakin that I appreciated. In particular, Chapter 6 is a beautifully written encounter in the Dune Sea between Anakin and a Tusken Raider. Like the rest of Episode I, the encounter paints Anakin in a good light. He's a good kid. You can't help but love this character. He's trying to be a great person, and he's got this incredible aura that he carries around with him. Lucas has done his job too well. Anakin's fall to the Dark Side is going to be unspeakably painful. Lucas is going to break our hearts, people. Annie's so good-hearted, so special. There's a fistfight here that gives us a glimpse at the anger Anakin is capable of, and I personally believe the key to his fall lies in the fate of his mother in this film. Overall, it's brilliant plotting on Lucas' part, and Brooks has done an amazing job of bringing it all to life on the page.

There's only one place near the end of the book where Brooks radically departs from the script, but what he does is going to cause hundreds of hours of heated debate between now and the release of Episode II. Let me just say that pages 320 and 321 add major fuel to the speculation on the relationship between Palpatine and Darth Sidious. With his word choice in describing the scene, Brooks intentionally leaves the moment obscure enough that it could support two totally different arguments. Grrr...

In the end, I'd recommend that real fans pick up both books. Del Rey has done a fantastic job with them. Terry Brooks has paid off as an author choice in a way that Donald Glut and Lawrence Kahn never did. Read these books before or after the movie, depending on your spoiler preference. Either way, you'll enjoy both of these different perspectives on this, the newest chapter of our favorite saga. Right now, I'm going to go get ready for the Webcast of the soundtrack this afternoon. I'll be back later to see if Robo ever finished his review of the soundtrack. Until then...

"Moriarty" out.