I am – Hercules!!


Pining away for HBO’s old nudity-happy shitcom “Dream On”?

Showtime has hired “Dawson’s Creek” vet Tom Kapinos to script the poorly written “Californication,” which depicts numerous naked women jumping nakedly into bed with a rich, successful middle-aged naked writer Hank Moody (David Duchovny).

Moody, obnoxious and supremely self-absorbed, struggles with ennui and writer’s block because his ex left him and his best-selling novel was apparently adapted into a feel-good romantic comedy starring Tom Cruise and “Dawson’s Creek” alumna Katie Holmes.

Audiences might struggle with the fact that everyone in Moody’s orbit thinks he’s a lot funnier and a lot more charming than his jokes and behavior suggest.

A slightly smaller problem is all the plot elements in “Californication” feel recycled from smarter, better-crafted projects – everything from “The Graduate” to “Kramer Vs. Kramer” to “The Big Chill” to “Rescue Me” to “Uncle Buck.” (There’s also a gag about a girl who likes to punch her partner in the face during sex that I swear I’ve seen before but can’t quite place.)

Some who find “Desperate Housewives” titillatingly scandalous (and I know you are legion) may be taken aback by the show’s measured pay-cable doses of vulgar language, but I suspect those who frequent “South Park” and “The Howard Stern Show” may find “Californication’s” dialogue as tepid as it is shopworn.

Chili Pepper fans may be interested to learn that “Californication” -- like “Dazed and Confused” and “My Own Private Idaho” before it -- does NOT utilize the song its title borrows.

Given the script’s inadequacies, it’s a helpful to have all the distracting Showtime-ready nudity – though of course quantity does not always equal quality. If “Californication” wants viewers to keep sticking around after the much superior “Weeds,” producers should consider hiring cuter nude actresses -- as cute, perhaps, as “L Word’s” nakedness-prone Mia Kirshner.

But what matters Herc’s opinion?

The New York Times says:

… “Californication” is supposed to be a dark comedy about love and sex in Los Angeles, but it is not nearly dark or funny enough — less “Shampoo” than “Rogaine.” Mr. Duchovny is not the problem; this former star of “The X-Files” somehow manages to inject some humor and occasional flashes of roguish charm into a boring script and thankless part. … tries to poke fun at the hypocrisy and delusions of Hollywood, but it doesn’t have enough wit or sense of place to be very convincing. …

The Los Angeles Times says:

Over at Showtime, there is good news and bad: "Weeds" is back, but it has brought "Californication" with it. … Drugs are done, breasts are bared, explicit references to sex organs and their grooming are made (even by the 13-year-old daughter), and you can practically hear everyone involved singing to themselves, "We love ca-ble, we love ca-ble." None of which would be objectionable if it had meaning or reason. But it doesn't. The only cliche more tired than Los Angeles as a spiritual void is the tortured writer. … makes us want to set fire to our hair and run screaming into the street. …

The Chicago Tribune says:

… If "Weeds" is the tale of an unlikely drug dealer, the story of Hank Moody is one we've seen too many times before. … David Duchovny does a deft job in the lead role of Hank, "Californication" adds little to this shopworn tale. Hank is one of those self-pitying bleaters who doesn't see his own hypocrisy: He berates and curses the suits of the entertainment industry for their reliance on cliches, though the fact is, his entire life is a cliche. …

The Boston Herald gives it a “D” and says:

… It’s just so precious. … Duchovny, who also serves as executive producer, plays almost every scene with a smirk. Still, he’s better than McElhone, who openly grins through most of her moments with this egotistical manchild. … Here’s a word to describe ‘Californication”: X-cruciating.…

The Boston Globe says:

… Hank is the cliché of an ex-husband who pushed his wife away and now longs for her. He's the cliché of a man in a midlife crisis, jumping from woman to woman to prove his vigor. And he's the cliché of a writer busy Googling himself because he has writer's block. In "Californication," Hank is as familiar as a palm tree on Rodeo Drive. But never mind the clichés, because Duchovny makes his character worth watching, as he swaggers from bad predicament to bad predicament, pretending not to care about his life anymore.

The San Francisco Chronicle says:

… Duchovny had a series on Showtime called the "Red Shoe Diaries" and it redefined the mythology of soft-core porn on a pay cable channel. A lot has changed since those days. But Duchovny is back on Showtime, in a series that could conceivably be billed as soft-core porn but is more clearly defined as one of the better new shows on television - albeit with a lot of naked women. Gone is the pretentious voice-over stuff and the Zalman King titillation. In it's place? Bitterness, drinking, self-loathing and one of the most caustically lovable losers television has seen in a while. …

The Fort Worth Star-Telegram give it two stars (out of five) and says:

Everything that's wrong with Showtime's new comedic drama series debuting Monday after Weeds is summed up in its title: Californication. The combo of abundant if predictable cable-TV sex, calculated outrage (it opens with a nun in a dream sequence doing something nuns shouldn't be doing), the L.A. entertainment industry as a backdrop and the supposed hipness that comes from lifting the name of a Red Hot Chili Peppers album probably sounded like a sure winner in the initial pitch meeting. But, like its moniker, Californication is just unoriginal, uninspired and, worst of all, unfunny. …

TV Guide says:

… compellingly caustic …

USA Today give it three and a half stars (out of four) and says:

… How lucky for Californication that it found David Duchovny, who makes the unlikeliest twists believable and the most heinous behavior forgivable. …

The Hollywood Reporter says:

… "Californication" can be unabashedly self-centered, judgmental and off-putting, but it is redeemed by occasional hilarious moments, an appealing father-daughter relationship and Duchovny's skillful creation of a charismatic boor. …

Variety says:

… the premiere is watchable but not fully arousing, often feeling as clenched, dour and indecisive as its brooding protagonist. … At first blush, anyway, "Californication" isn't necessarily a bad place to be, but unless the series finds viable avenues to pursue beyond wallowing in Hank's self-pity, it'll be Showtime subscribers before long who wind up feeling screwed.

10:30 p.m. Monday. Showtime.

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