I am – Hercules!!


“Doctor Who’s” 29th season, currently unfurling on something called “the BBC,” hits America's SciFi Channel on July 6.

Six Britishers have a gander here at 29.11, titled “Utopia” and featuring the return of Captain Jack, the lead character in a not-American show called "Torchwood."

“Whatevermort” says:

Hi Herc,

Long-time reader, first time writer etc. I never really feel compelled, after watching something, to let others know what I thought of it: that just usually isn't my thing. But after each episode of Doctor Who over the last few weeks my wish to shout about it has grown a little more. We've had superb, sensibly handled time-travel, horror-story villains, real-time action, and now there's a huge old chunk of old-school fan pleasing.

The episode itself revolved around The Doctor, Martha and long-time associate (on loan from Torchwood) Captain Jack, who, through silly circumstances that sort of tie in with last year's Torchwood finale end up travelling to the year 1 Trillion (a round, convenient number) and to the end of the world. The end of the world is inhabited by a mixture of a) humans, as they are now, speaking good old's Queen English, and b) these odd, slightly feral people who look like they have come out of a classic Star Trek episode, and hinted, slightly, at the final episode of the Seventh Doctor's run, Survival (in which said Doc, played by Sylvester McCoy, battled with the Master. Hm.) So, these characters meet up with a chap called The Professor and his assistant, who has an irritating vocal tic. The Professor is going to save the human race, The Doctor helps him, Captain Jack is immortal (big shock there) and they talk about Rose a lot. What matters, however, is the final ten minutes.

SPOILER ALARUM!

Martha sees that The Professor has a watch much like the Doctor's Chameleon device thingy from a few episodes back - the device that let him become human, remember? - and she rushes to tell Doctor Tenant the news that, as the face of Boe said so terribly eloquently, "You are not alone!". Well, it turns out that The Professor has heard the sound of war drums since birth, and has all thse swirly headaches when he thinks about time and the Tardis and regeneration, and, upon opening the watch that he has never opened because it was broken (blah blah expositionary device ahoy!) discovers that he is... (war) drum roll... The Master. Last seen as Eric Roberts, and played in this episode by Derek Jacobi, some stuff then happens, he gets shot, steals the Tardis and regenerates into John Simm (who, we know from trailers, is the good old Prime Minister of England in the past/future/now).

It's a great story, a fantastic way to thrill both long-time viewers and people new to the series - Jacobi's hamming provided ample opportunity to work out that this Master chap is not to be messed with, the John Simm = Master angle provided worth and payoff for the Mister Saxon stuff (as if we anagram buffs were in any doubt as to who Saxon/Simm actually was), and the very appearance of the Master will thrill long-time fans of the series who wanted to see him appear. And so, Russell T Davies, showrunner and supervisor of Doctor Who, has killed all the birds with one big stone, yes?

SPOILER ENDS!

Well, nearly. There are issues, biggest of which I found to be Russell T's writing. Always patchy, it's still filled with David Tennant screaming about how great Humans are, as well as some really cheesy over-exuberance. And after the last few episodes, in which the writing has been exemplary, it doesn't really cut the mustard. And when he leaves, if the show is handed to Steven Moffat or Mark Gatiss - both of whom are superb writers, and both of whom seem really in touch with the concept of 'the bigger picture' of Who mythology – I have no doubt that this current version of the show will go from strength to strength.

Other problems? The 'evolved' human menace is next to useless, and I never buy that they are a real threat. Jacobi's assistant is really annoying. Captain Jack seemed, in this episode, to be a little shoehorned in (though John Barrowman plays him delightfully, so that
is, to some extent, forgiven). And Tennant's displays of darkness mixed with enthusiasm can still grate when they are written as clumsily as they were here. Feral people licking their teeth to let you know who they are every time you see them.

Good things? The whole aforementioned story thing is awesome, especially the resonance that it has with other stories and themes from this series so far (this is the first Doctor Who of the new batch that I'll be buying on DVD at the exorbitant UK prices charged). Martha is still great. There's a clear answer given as to why Captain Jack is immortal. The casting of all special guest stars is superb, and filled with great Hamming. The use of 'Blog' as an verb. It was filmed mostly in a quarry, for old time's sake. Relative care being taken with mythos (unlike what has occured with the Daleks and Cybermen so far this series). The trailer for next week, just after a trailer for (Who writer) Stephen Moffat's Jekyll, which is on tonight.

NEXT WEEK! No Doctor, apparently, and lots and lots of Mister Saxon setting off gas bombs, appearing on tv, meeting the President of the United States and generally acting a little bit dastardly. I can't wait.

If you use this, please call me Whatevermort.

Thanks Herc, and keep up the good work.

“Motoko” says:

Another week, another adventure in Time And Relative Dimensions In Space.

Finally, after three fucking years. I've been waiting for this for so bloody long. Fuck Daleks. Fuck Cybermen. Fuck those farting zip headed Slitheen as well. Finally the Doctor's greatest enemy is back! But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me back up a touch...

Tonight's episode began with the Tardis stopping for a pit stop to Collect energy from the dimensional rift placed oh so conveniently in current day Cardiff. When along comes a running your friendly neighbourhood Cap'n Jack. For some reason The Doctor tries to de-materialise before Jack reaches them but he succeeds in grabbing onto the Tardis as it flies through the time vortex. The Police Box doesn't take kindly to this and instead throws them all 100 hundred trillion years into the future. A time so far ahead that The Doctor is rather dubious about staying.

But of course they do and quickly stumble upon a man being hunted by a gaggle of fearsome tribal people with sharp pointy teeth and bad hair. This further leads them to an outpost of humans building a rocket ship To try and reach a beacon promising to lead to 'Utopia.' The project is led by Professor Yana, whose not only having trouble getting the fuel supply for the rocket to work, but is also having recurring bouts of ennui accompanied by the sound of beating drums.

That's the setup in a nutshell. Spoilers will shortly commence.

OK, here's the thing. This is not a good episode. I knew that before it started since the writing credit was 'Russell T Davies.' And if Steven Moffat's attachment is a mark of quality, I'm afraid the illustrious executive producers scripting duties are things to fear. And this episode really is Davies at his worst.

For a start it has Captain Jack. Now I have no problem with Jack or actor John Barrowman. I think Jack started out as quite an interesting character. The Han Solo of the Whoniverse. The charming rogue, looking after himself but ultimately doing the right thing was very cool in the first series. But since then he's been totally neutered by the fact that Torchwood the series is utterly awful. It also doesn't help that he's Davies token bisexual character to get any feelings that alternative sexualities aren't getting enough coverage out of his system. Which they're not, but Davies earnestness about it doesn't appeal at all. Jack takes his shirt off for one scene. Why? Because Davies wants the Doctor to be in front of a ripped guy that fancies him. Thanks Russell, can we have some story now please?

And Jack's sudden metamorphosis into Captain Scarlet (thanks to Rose reviving him in 'The Parting of the Ways' he can never die) smacks of a writer really needing to get himself out of corner. The discussion The Doctor and Jack have about his nature is kinda cool but it feels so academic. And why is Captain Jack looking for The Doctor anyway? Does that ever get mentioned? Jack located our Time Lord by using The Doctor's severed hand from 'The Christmas Invasion' (yet another flashback) but why?

But Jack isn't the only problem. When characters deliver lines like "I will drink on my own eternal milk" then something's very wrong. The cannibalistic tribe (called The Futurekind) are really bad versions of the monsters in Ghosts of Mars (didn't work then, doesn't work now). The Doctor solves Yana's problem with a mere flick of a sonic screwdriver And our explanation is just that the Doctor is brilliant. A crisis is brought on by oh so stupid means (in the future we'll still be using 3 amp fuses and Rent-A-Cop security it seems) and well, to be honest it's all just a bit crap and pointless.

Ah but I lie. You see there is a point. This is really a sacrificial lamb of an episode. It has to be there because the events that take place are vital to the plotline next week. Even if as an episode unto itself it's
plain bad. Yana reacts very strangely to the Doctor's tales of time travel and The Tardis. Captain Jack mentions Daleks and the same thing happens. The drums beat a little faster. He drifts a little further. Thanks God For Derek Jacobi. In lesser hands this could have been really cheesy, but Jacobi has the experience and ability to handle Yana's increasingly erratic behaviour with subtlety. It all comes down to Yana's sole birthright, the only thing he had when he was found as a baby: a fob watch, just the the same as the Doctor used to rewrite his Time Lord DNA and hide as a human.

When Martha runs off to tell the Doctor, Yana opens the watch for the very first time. And the personality within reforms onto him revealing... THE MASTER.

HALLE-FUCKING-LUJAH!!!

Oh thank god! I've been waiting for this since the series started. Finally The Doctor has a worthy opponent. Daleks may be great for scaring the Kids but they're not really characters. Same goes for the Cybermen. The Family O! Blood had that edge but no history to back them up. But then there's The Master. The Doctor's evil mirror Time Lord. His Moriarty. The Coolest fucking opponent the Doctor has. And he's being played by Derek Fucking Jacobi!

Well, not for long he's not. Derek is quickly shot and lumbers into The Tardis. Bring on the regeneration. Who pops out? John Fucking Simm. Oh yes. oh yes yes yes. John Fucking Simm is playing the Doctor's Nemesis. Could this be any better? In the 2 minutes that Simm is on screen he Oozes the primordial menace that no other Who villain has. The Master enjoys his evil, he has fun spreading chaos. And now we're going to enjoy it too. No sooner has he woken up than he's hijacked The Tardis, shot a 'Fuck You!' at The Doctor and promptly strands them in the future with a horde of Futurekind breathing down their neck. Lets see a fucking Auton do that!

Doctor Who is finally entering an interesting and possibly dangerous phase. The series now has a villain that The Doctor can't ever really defeat, he can only put his plans on hold for a while before he comes back again. And that villain is being played by an actor who, quite frankly, can act rings around David Tennant. Will the show be up to it? I don't know. I just know I'm waiting for the final two episodes in sticky anticipation.

Long and the short of it: episode rubbish. Watch the last 15 minutes and savour the future.

Ta ta

“Lord Porkington” says:

Hi Herc,

it's Lord Porkington here and I've just finished watching tonight's thrilling installment of Doctor Who, which is the first of a three part story arc. Part 1 is called 'Utopia' and finds the Doctor and Martha reunited with Captain Jack (who managed to cling onto the Tardis during a refueling trip to the Time Rift in Cardiff above the Torchwood HQ) as they travel to the very end of the Universe and the
planet Malcassairo. After a chilly 'hello' between Jack and the Doctor, and a warm introduction between Jack and Martha, we're caught up in a hunt between a single human and the potential future cannibalistic proto-humans. Our time-traveling trio manage to save the human and they all take refuge underground with the rest of the human race in what can best be described as 'a slum'. Working within
this hidden area we find the mysterious 'Professor Yana' who is working to save the inhabitants by building a giant rocket to escape the harsh environment and head for a better place with the help of his blue-skinned insect assistant. Okay, that's the very basic premise. Here's the important part (don't read any further if you don't want this spoiled)...

This episode marks the official return of The Master! I hear cries of 'That's impossible! Isn't he dead?!'. Well, no, as it happens, he isn't. And here's my (unofficial) explanation, which may also be needed for people who have actually watched 3.11 (or 29.11 for those
who want to be picky) and still don't know how he came back. For all those who watched 3.9 (29.9, again, have to keep those old school fans happy) we saw that the Doctor stored his Time Lord self inside a pocket watch and became a bona fide human in order to escape time-traveling aliens who wouldn't give up their pursuit until they had
captured his Time Lord powers. Are you still with me? Good. But we need to travel further back into the history of Doctor Who to explain what happened tonight.

The last we saw of the Master he was trapped in the Heart Of The Tardis during Paul McGann's tv movie back in 1996 and he hasn't been seen or heard of since. Fast forward to Christoper Eccleston's final episode where Rose Tyler absorbed enough energy from the Heart Of The Tardis to destroy the Dalek invasion and herself in the process.
Except we all know that the Doctor sacrificed himself to save Rose and transferred this energy from her body into himself, causing his eventual regeneration into David Tennant's 10th Doctor. Still with me? Excellent. So this leads us to the pocket watch...

Back to 3.9 and the human version of the Doctor releases his Time Lord energy from the watch and is restored to his alien self for further adventures in time and space. Except it would seem that something was left behind in the watch. That's right, the energy from the Heart Of The Tardis obviously contained what was left of the Master and he's been sitting inside that watch waiting for a chance
to inhabit a new body and get his revenge on the Doctor. It turns out that Professor Yana is now in possession of the pocket watch and has been plagued by voices inside his head since he was a small boy. The reappearance of the Doctor and his Tardis trigger the voices inside his head yet again, and the Professor seems to recognise the Tardis, mention of time travel and the Time Lords via the watch. He's compelled to finally open the watch, thereby releasing essence of the Master that was trapped within.

So what happens next? Well, the Master in the guise of the old Professor is quickly figured out as being a bad guy by his blue-skinned assistant who fatally wounds him just before he escapes into the Tardis. Of course, the Doctor is trapped elsewhere trying to assist with the launch of the giant rocket but senses the presence of his old nemesis and is drawn back to the Tardis. Unfortunately he's too late to prevent it's theft by the Master as it dematerialises leaving himself, Martha and Jack trapped on Malcassairo. Onboard the Tardis, the Master begins his regeneration into a younger body, ready to begin his conquest of the Universe.

Next week's show, entitled 'The Sound Of Drums' sees the Master firmly established in 21st Century England in the guise of Mr Saxon who is on the verge of being elected into government. Can the Doctor, Martha and Jack get back to Earth and stop him from taking over the world and ultimately, the Universe? All will be revealed on BBC1 next Saturday!

Definitely gets 10 out of 10 from me in what has been an improved second half to series three.

“Jadstersdad” says:

Hi. JadstersDad again from the wet UK.....where extraordinary things are happening!

I'd avoid spoilers, but seeing as this is going to leak like a colander (and rumours have been flying around like Daleks from the end of season 'one' anyway), just look away now if you're bothered. I can't be.

This incarnation of 'Who' is really shaping up to be like the 'X Files'. We have standalone episodes varying from interesting to marvellous (last weeks pinnacle of the format) and we have the 'mythology' episodes. Much of this mythology has been developed over these three new series, although it builds artfully on the old clues as to the Doctor's own universe.

Now... in 'Utopia' we have part one of a THREE part finale. Russell T.Davies is at the keyboard again so if you hate his work, you'll really hate this. There is PANIC.....there is RUNNING......MORE running! More panic. Armies at odds and David Tennant going into seizures from minute one. And Murray Gold is on speed once again! One can imagine RTD whipping everyone into a frenzy in some way. Perhaps literally! Oh.....and there's the return of Captain Jack.

That sums up the tone. But..... there is the flesh on this masterpiece. For we must call it that. If we can lay down and accept the way things are now. This is the 'Die Another Day' of Who. The apogee of the Tennant/Ecclestone myth arc stories. It's all here.

A wonderful and moving, if ultimately verging on 'over the top' performance by the great Derek Jacobi. And the return of someone. Someone special! Played by terrific John Simm (topping over the Jacobi!). I got the goosebumps like I never did with the Daleks return. This was like the return of Bond in '95. Love it or loathe it, it was an event. So is this.

But it needs to be seen along with the concluding two parts to be judged properly. One only hopes there will be moments to draw breath and take in the genius of this resurrection of the character and the show.

Oh....and Martha's in it. But that hardly mattered.

“The Master” says:

i Herc, just seen the latest Doctor Who on the BBC here in the UK, I think it's 29.11.

BLOODY BRILLIANT.

We are well on the way to the season finale. Here's what happened; full of spoilers.

Tonight's episode opens with the Tardis touching down on the rift in Cardiff, so the Doctor can refuel. He says it will only take 20 seconds - and just as it's done he spots Captain Jack Harkness running towards the Tardis. If you've seen the spin-off series Torchwood you'll know that Captain Jack vanished at the end of the season - this picks up from that moment.

Despite seeing Captain Jack the Doctor takes off anyway. But Captain Jack is hanging onto the outside of the Tardis - and the Tardis goes a bit mad, flying them to the year One Trillion (or something). We later find out that's because both the Doctor and the Tardis know Jack is "wrong", because he is immortal (he was brought back to life by Rose after the Daleks killed him at the end of Who season one... come on, keep up).The Tardis flew to the end of the universe to try and shake him off.

Anyway, they land, find the last remaining humans hiding in a silo, and find an old chap called the Professor who is trying to finish the engines for a giant rocket to send the last surviving humans to a place called Utopia. The Doctor, Jack and Martha successfully help him and send the humans off - but that's not the real story.

The Professor seems to go funny when the Tardis first lands, and keeps having funny moments. He tells the Doctor he has had voices in his head all of his life. Later, he shows Martha a watch he has had all of his life - WAIT A MINUTE -THAT LOOKS JUST LIKE THE WATCH THE DOCTOR HAD A FEW EPISODES AGO.

Yes, it is indeed a Timelord watch. Remember when the Doctor went human to hide from some aliens, and his Timelord essence was hidden in a watch? This is the same. This Professor is a Timelord. He hadn't really noticed the watch before because of a perception field around it... but as soon as Martha told him about it, he opened the watch and remembered who he was... The Master!

The Master was the Doctor's arch villain in the old days... (played by Eric Roberts in the 1996 movie) and although it wasn't said, it seems as though he was banished to the end of the universe in human form. Now he is back.

At the end the Master manages to get into the Tardis, gets killed by his former assistant and regenerates. He is now played by John Simm, a brilliant British actor. The Tardis goes, leaving the Doctor, Martha and Jack stranded at the end of the universe... and the story continues next week.

What an episode. Potentially very complicated - there were a huge number of references to past storylines across all three seasons of the new Who. But it worked brilliantly - Russell T Davies has excelled himself with this script. I don't know if it would make sense to anyone who hadn't seen any Who before, but it made perfect sense to me.

We know that The Master is Saxon - a British politician who has been referenced through the whole series. And he's got some bad stuff in store next week... I cannot wait.

It's a pity the start of this season was so lame. The last four episodes have been incredible and the kind of quality that makes you impatient for another Saturday to come round. There was a story in the British press a few weeks ago that producer Davies and his staff are planning to quit after season 4 next year, because they are worn out by the demanding schedule. I would rather they produced six episodes of this quality every 2 or 3 years, rather than bang out 13 years + a Christmas episode + Torchwood every year.

“DJ Bollocks” says:

Ahhhh the penultimate episode of Doctor Who Series 3/29...

Utopia - the first half hour is merely preamble and the inclusion of Captain Jack Harkness seems somewhat unneccessary apart from a storyline that kind of explains his now immortality as a result of Rose's looking into the Tardis from the finale of Season 1....

Anyway - there's an element of hostility between Jack and the Doctor and they end up at the end of the Universe with a Professor Yana (You Are Not Alone )(Derek Jacobi) and his assistant constructing a rocket destined for the legendary Utopia with a group or survivors that have been infiltrated by a rogue savage who threatens the planned take off... Again - preamble...

The Professor is plagued with voices in his head and about 35 minutes in what we've known all along finally clicks in place. The Professor has a familliar looking pocket watch that makes Time Lords human... Can you see where this is going ? Long story short the power of the watch overcomes him and lo and behold whilst The Doctor, Jack and Martha have got the rocket launched and stuck on the ground with the Professor, The Professor's assistant, and the savages outside the compound, the Professor opens the watch and The Master awakens... Shutting down the complex leves the savages anbe to attack and the Master locks himself in the room with the asssitant and the Tardis... After a tussle the Master wounds the assistant but not before she gets in a lst gasp shot at the Master.... The Master enters the Tardis and regenerates into John Simm - Mister Saxon....??!! With the savages close to breaching the compound the Dotor watches as the Tardis vanishes in front of him despite his best attempts to stop the Master....

Cue credits....

And Mister Saxon seemingly taking over the world in next week's finale...

Derek Jacobi is fucking awesome and you almost wished he hadn't regenerated into John Simm who seems almost camp in his first few minutes... we'll see how that all works out...

Suffice to say worth it for the last 10 minutes alone - we'll see next week if it lives up to the hype... 4 and a half sonic screwdrivers out of 5 and it's good to be back...

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