I am – Hercules!!


“Mr. President, the missiles are just entering target’s airspace!!”

“The missile will hit in less than two minutes, Mr. Ambassador!! STOP LYING TO ME!!!!”

“Where are the bombs??”

“I won’t tell you a thing!!”

“You’re to try something more drastic!!”

“Mr. President!!”

“No one can know!! Ughnn!!”

“I think we have a problem!!”

“Watch out!!”

“We’re sitting ducks here!! Try to get out the back; I’ll cover you from this side!!”

“Jack!!”

TV Guide says:

President Palmer makes a bold gambit, and Jack changes his strategy about Fayed. Abu Fayed: Adoni Maropis.

“Dr. Robert Hume” tells you what TV Guide won’t.

-OMG, we're nuking Iran! Iran freaks out then is like "Oh wait, we just found this terrorist dude who is probably behind everything! Can you not bomb us now,
please?" Palmer agrees and calls off the missile. Then
he admits to his advisors the missile was a fake!
PSYCH, Iran! And that, kids, is how diplomacy works.

-Jack realizes they're not gonna get any info out of
Fayed, so they fake a scenario where the
uber-in-charge Iranian guy's men (who are all actually
CTU guys) free Fayed.

-They get Fayed and the Iranian guy on the phone
together to eavesdrop on them, but eventually realize
that they were probably speaking with a code word that
tips off Fayed that he's being played. Fayed's car
goes into a tunnel... and doesn't come out the other
side! Fayed escapes, for real this time!

-But it's Super-Bauer to the rescue as he hitches a
ride on the underside of the truck that Fayed is
escaping in! He can't call for help, so he just does
it the Jack Bauer way--solo.

-Fayed gets to the warehouse where the final two bombs
are. There are probably like 10 guys there with him.
Bauer storms in, kills everybody without taking a hit,
and tries to just capture Fayed but ends up having to
kill him by hanging him with a length of chain. This
series of events is so over the top that once Ricky
Schroeder shows up, even he has to say "Damn, Jack!"
So Jack saves the day! The bombs are in custody!
Everyone can go home. Season's over early this year.

-But wait! There's a call on Jack's phone. It's a
Chinese guy! And guess who he's holding hostage!
That's right, Naked Mandy... I mean, Audrey Raines!
You better do whatever this random Chinese guy says or
she's gonna get it, Jack!
Dink-dank-dink-dank-dink-dank...

And next week...

All they want in exchange for Audrey is the ability to
start World War 3. Is that too much to ask? Answer:
No.

9 p.m. Monday. Fox.

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