Ahoy, squirts! Quint here with the return of Unk, the spy with no name... well, I guess he does have a name now, but since Unk means Unk-nown, I guess I'm still right... kinda. Or maybe not. Anyway, Unk returns and works out some agression issues he has against SUGAR. I think he may be going too strong on an indie film, but reading the below review I must confess that it sounds exactly like the kind of pretentious film schoolesque pictures that anyone who attends a film fest tries desperately to avoid. Shoulda seen LAYER CAKE, dude!

Day One - Friday, January 21st

Alright, instead of catching a film I really wanted to see, "Layer Cake", a flick directed by the same guy who produced "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels" and "Snatch" (even though I know "produced" means absolutely nothing and the style of this one has got nothing to do with the 2 very good movies I told you about - special thanks to imdb.com and its British users who left some comments for us) I went to see "Sugar", directed by Reynold Reynolds and Patrick Jolley, at the Holliday Village Cinema.

Sundance.org website calls "Sugar" "Formally stunning and compositionally complex".

They also say it is "a striking postnarrative, Gothic horror masterpiece"

Woooo-freakin'-ooowwwww! How bad can a gothic horror masterpiece be?

Oh, boy, I'll tell you...

First of all, the one character in the film does not say a single word for the entire thing.

But I knew that already, thanks to Sundance.org again. "Samara Golden gives a brilliantly unsettling performance; with no one to talk to, her sanity is eroded by a confrontation with her own body in this confining space, the size of a postage stamp"

What I did not know, though, is that Samara Golden gives a brilliantly unsettling performance that could also be experienced via watching an old season of "Big Brother".

Mini-Review:

Let me SPOIL you on this one. Believe me, you'll thank me for doing this.

Sugar will win from me........ 0 out of 5 stars!

Like I said, let me SPOIL the entire story of the movie in one sentence. You don't wanna watch this.

ACT 1 - Samara brushes her teeth. Looks at her toothbrush. She has visions. Walks around. Goes to sleep.

ACT 2 - Samara looks at her toothbrush. Has more visions. Walks around. Goes to sleep.

ACT 3 - Samara looks at her toothbrush once more. Has more visions. Walks around. I go to sleep.

Yep, went right home, before the film ended, like 18 other people (notice that there were about 100 seats total in that theater).

Why? I don't "get" films that have no dialogues?

Nope. For instance, I thought Cronenberg's "Spider" was *BRILLIANT*. Not an easy film, but still, a brilliant one (though I must say it for those of you who haven't seen it, that it DOES have some dialogues).

But it's not because a film has no dialogues, that it also mustn't have an structure, concepts to be transmitted to the audience, coherent plot, etc, etc.

In Spider things escalate. A tension evolves, is created. In "Sugar" whatever direction the movie can, supposedly, have created in a given sequence, disappears a few minutes after - once we see Samara brushing her teeth again.

For instance, the first five minutes into the movie. We see Samara dragging a corpse out of a... well, let's call it a "chamber".

Does the corpse re-appear again in any other scene? Does it have anything to do with the rest of the story? Is it what causes Samara's journey into self-destruction?

No. No. No.

If you're... let's call it "dumb"... :-) enough to watch this movie you will see that NOTHING in "Sugar" has anything to do with NOTHING else. It's no more than a film school 101 exercise that went wrong.

Have a blind dog re-edit the entire film, and not only the plot, but also the emotions transmitted (which are the only thing that matter, in fact, in a film without any lines) will probably make as much sense as they did in the original version.

Pointless, meaningless, worthless film.

Not even irritating - If the director could get at least that emotion from the audience, he would have definatelly accomplished something - but everytime the film is beggining to get "irritating"... everything stops and the camera focuses on Samara's toothbrush.

The good things about this day:

1 - I did not pay anything. It was a "complimentary ticket". This waiting list thing is the best thing ever!

2 - Samara DOES get naked. (but seconds later we then have to stand her toothbrush again)