Ahoy, squirts! Quint here... sigh... A couple years ago I saw HOUSE OF THE DEAD at the American Film Market and called it one of the 5 worst films I've ever seen in my life. Looks like Boll is trying quickly to fill in the other 4 spots and it seems he's shooting for the number one spot with ALONE IN THE DARK. The clips Boll has put online are laughable, the film, of course, doesn't seem to have a goddamn thing to do with the original game... I mean aliens? Huh? Was it not enough that HOUSE OF THE DEAD bombed? Was it not enough that HOTD cost over $12 million and looked like he spent $20 and a box of Cheerios on the casting/effects/screenplay budget? Why is this guy still allowed near a film camera? I suppose Paul WS Anderson should be bowing at this guy's feet because he is the only working director that makes Paul WS Anderson look like P. T. Anderson. "This is quite possibly the worst film I've seen period and I used to work for Troma." Jesus Christ. This is going to be painful...

Oh dear lord where do I begin.   

I just got back from a test screening of Alone in the Dark, the latest crap-fest from Uwe Boll.  This is quite possibly the worst film I've seen period and I used to work for Troma.  Now once again we have a video game movie that completely throws out everything that made the game great.  They take a game that was a very atmospheric story, and load it with guns, and Aliens style action.  I'm not going into what's wrong with the film cause that would take way too long, suffice as to say that everything is wrong with this film. This film was manic from point A to Z, it starts with a high action chase scene/kung fu fight, then it trys to be creepy and then into an Aliens style gun fest.  On top of that they randomly added zombies and aliens! Frankly that new Burger King ad with the guy in the Burger King costume is much more frightening, I'd be scared if I woke up with that staring at me. What's worse was that myself and a friend were selected for a focus group.  If you ever thought that a focus group was for making a flawed film better, flush that notion down the toilet, when they found out that we rated the film poor we were not allowed to take part in the focus group, the screening people then ran franticly around trying to find anyone who thought this movie was anything above fair.  On a lighter note Uwe Boll was in attendance, while we were waiting for my friends ride he exited the theater where we thanked him for that "piece of crap film" and for "killing our childhood".  

Stay away from this film at all costs!

Tromaboy