Hi, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab...

I remain resolutely amazed that any adult with an IQ in the triple digits would want anything to do with this film. The comic strip is a piece of corporate vomit that has been rehashing the same three unfunny jokes for 20 years. Maybe it’s just that I think cats are Satan’s emissaries on Earth. Maybe it’s that I am older than seven. Whatever the case, this mystifies me, and it sounds like the film has lived down to its enormously limited potential. Check this out:

Hello Harry,

I attended an advanced screening of this film in ATLANTA this past weekend and have an early review for you guys...

First off, this film probably would have succeeded ten years ago. However, this is 2004 and GARFIELD is not the most recognized, or beloved, character anymore. So, the filmmakers were obviously hoping to revitalize this dying franchise. Well...GARFIELD is dead.

Never before I have I been forced too sit through such a God awful train wreck of a movie. Burp and fart jokes might have been humorous in 1990, but today they just seem kind of lame. It is the same principle as if they decided to make a new TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES movie... the same formula in the first three could not work in 2004, so many years later.

The story revolves around John Arbuckle (Breckin Meyer), who brings home a new dog, Odie, much to the dismay of his spoiled and pathetically overweight feline, Garfield. There is automatic tension between the two. However, Odie is soon kidnapped and it is up to Garfield to save the day and return the pooch to John. I kind of felt like I was watching BEETHOVEN, with a cat instead of a dog.

One of the most bizarre aspects of this film is the way Garfield has romantic interest in Liz (played by Jennifer Love Hewitt). The way this romance is portrayed is borderline disgusting. Who wants to think about a cat and a woman making love? Not me.

Bill Murray does his best with the voice, but he seems as disinterested in his work as we do in watching the film. Coupled with the mediocre special effects and the always unpleasant acting of J-Love, GARFIELD bombs in a major way, and I expect it to bomb miserably at the box office. This franchise is just not what it use to be, and reviving it with a big budget film was not the right step to take.

So, the cat's out of the bag, and GARFIELD isn't worth a bag of cat nip.

Blue Meanie

Even that review gives me hives. Ugh.

"Moriarty" out.