ALONG CAME POLLY

Clayton Bigsby here, back from a rally, with a review for you. I caught a sneak in Sherman Oaks of ALONG CAME POLLY last week but havent been compelled to write anything because it sucked. But I was bored so I thought I would give you a few words on it.

Yet another example of a bullshit, studio romantic "comedy," ALONG CAME POLLY should be retitiled ALONG CAME MY ASS CRACK.

Honestly, here we have Ben Stiller (who really needs STARSKY AND HUTCH to open in like, 15 mintues) playing another neurotiuc, self-loathing, "your dick is bigger than my dick," priss of a guy who gets cheated on by his outrageoulsy hot wife (in this case played by Debra Messing, who really needs to get topless in something) on their honeymoon. After a somewhat amusing interlude with a nude (from the back side only) scuba instructor played Hank Azaria, doing a derivative charicature of a islander, Stiller finds his wife getting banged by Azaria on his suba-diving boat. Naturally, he flips out and heads back to New York.

When Stiller gets back, he hooks up with his buddy, played by Philip Seymour Hoffman (more on his character in a minute) They go to a party and Stiller re-connectes with an old girlfriend from middle school named Polly, played by the outrageosuly hot Jenniffer Anniston, who is a waitress at the party he is at. They flirt and start going out. They fight a little bit, they get mad at each other, and then there is a scene with Stiller running in slow motion at the last minute to get to Anniston before she skips town. Messing's slutty wife predictably appears at the begining of the second act, somewhat complicating matters. But its a for gone conclusion that Stiller and Aniston are going to be together in the end. It doenst matter that I am spoiling it in this summary, everyone knows it.

Man, did this film suck. It completely wastes Hoffman, who seems to be riffing his own recent work in PUNCH DRUNK LOVE. He now needs to be careful that he he doesnt take these type of throwaway roles in tons of studio movies. I love Hoffman and have for years. I saw him on Broadway when he and John C Reiley were in TRUE WEST. He is awesome. But here, he is the worst he's ever been. The audience was in dead slience during scenes that must have seemed funny to the actors and filmmakers when they were filming. He just yells and acts disgusting. Dont get me wrong, I love stupid humor. I am totally immature and I love sophomorinc antics. And there is, truth be told, one hilarious line in the movie delivered by Hoffman. But for such a funny and awesome actor to be wasted like this, it's a crime.

I am now officially sick of Ben Stiller I think. I mean, Derek Zoolander is one of the best characters in film history, and Greg Focker had his moments, but Stiller is begining to irk me. I like him when he is surrounded with other morns who egg him on, because when he acts like an ass, he's fantastic. Here, he is painfully restricted, and reduced to gags and situational comedy that is now so played out. For instance, Stiller's characters has a disease called IBS, or Irritible Bowel Syndrome. After eating out with Anniston at a nasty ethnic restaurant in the movie, hsi character proceeds to get the shits at her apartment and then flood the toilet and get caught with his pants around his ankles, and so on and so son. After DUPLEX and the shelved ENVY (I have head DISASTROUS things about this movie), Stiller needs a shot in the arm.

Aniston has been good once (THE GOOD GIRL) and serviceable everything other time. She is fucking hot though, and sports a sexy tatoo right abover her ass and is seen in skimpy shorts in a few scenes. She is such a piece of ass that I forgive her for not seeming very into the film in some sequences. At times, she seemed like she was phoning in her scenes from her trailer.

I was moderatley entertained by this movie. There is a one great comedic scene, in which Stiller and Anniston have sex. It's the funniest scene I have seen in a long time, and is worth seeking out when ALONG CAME POLLY hits HBO. The voiceover that Stiller gives when he is getting it on with Anniston is PRICELESS. But beyond that, this movie was a waste of time and talent.

ALONG CAME POLLY was directed by John Hamburg, one of the co-writers of MEET THE PARENTS and ZOOLANDER, two vastly better comedies. Hamburg lacks any sense of directoral panache and imbues the film with no sort of visual personality. His DP, Seamus McGarvey, brings nothing to the table. McGravey has done solid studio work for years (THE HOURS and HIGH FIDELITY) so I was kind of surprised at how pedestrian the whole movie seemed. Doesn't anyone watch dailies? Hamburgs script is cliche beyond belief and relies on so many over used bits, that it definitley begins to feel like this was an early effort in his career and now that he got some clout with the success of PARENTS, he got to direct this piece of shit.

So, did I like it? ALONG CAME POLLY was like watching shit that had been smeared on film stock and then run through a dim-bulbed projector.

--Clayton Bigsby