Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
Enigma Boy took this bullet for you, folks. The least you could do is read his review...
Once again, hello all! It's Enigma Boy, here to tell you about another shitty movie.
Let's go through this quickly. VIEW FROM THE TOP, directed by Bruno Beretto (BOSSA NOVA), is the latest Gwyneth Paltrow vehicle attempting to use her bright personality to bring in the big bucks. No luck, folks. Starting off with a god-awful title, this movie dives into mediocrity without one thought into making a halfway-decent picture for an inspiration-starved audience. Gwynie plays Donna, resident of Silver Springs, Nevada, whose only dream is to become a flight attendant. She arrives at this bright idea after coming across an autobiography of the nation’s most famous flight attendant (Candice Bergan), now spokeswoman (and I’m assuming stockholder) of Royalty Airlines. Donna leaves her trailer park roots and gets a demeaning job with Sierra Airlines, fit with tight attendant outfits that do wonders in accentuating the curves of both Gwynie and Christina Applegate (who will continue to be hot for many years). As she makes her step-by-step journey up the airline ladder, she begins a romance with law student Mark Ruffalo, and it is the fault of the screenplay, not the actors, that causes this romance to be one-dimensional and hokey. We as an audience are treated to many mentions of the mantra “Follow your destiny.” That is the movie. Entirely.
Why are these things made? Honestly. The only reason this movie would exist normally if it were a true story, but as far as I know this is not the case. Is it fair that we are forced to view such hackneyed products, coming more and more frequently from “they-once-were-original” Miramax? No! My God! Is this movie supposed to be inspirational? It isn’t funny. It has no conflict. It manages to suck the life out of many an actor. Why is this here? Greed. Utter greed. Stop it, Weinstein.
The only saving grace of this film, besides seeing Kelly Bundy in a bikini and Joshua Malina (Jeremy from the sorely-missed “Sports Night,” a personal favorite) whooping it up as a stereotypical gay flight attendant, is Mike Myers’ juicy role as a lazy-eyed trainee instructor. His few scenes have a quirky energy that the rest of the movie lacks. I found myself cracking up just at the mere sight of him, attempting to do everything with only his left eye (a bit that gets overplayed, but is still funny nonetheless). His presence here is bittersweet, however, because it reminds us how forgettable and silly the rest of the movie is. Other attempted bits at comedy, especially a sluggishly choreographed chick fight, fall flat on their face.
The friendly skies can blow me. Many of us would want some time joining the Mile High Club with the aide of Miss Applegate, but instead of watching the movie for her outfits, just leave this scenario up to your imagination, you perverts...oh wait...
Checking out the trivia on IMDB, it says the script was written by a UCLA screenwriting student while in class. This shows, oh does it show. This is the work of a writer who has recently discovered the three-act structure, but does not understand creating character depth and dialogue that is not akin to nails on a chalkboard. Why was this ever made?
This was a test screening, so as always I’ll keep that in mind, but here’s a thought: what do studios imagine they’ll get from such screenings? If the movie is bad, they can do nothing to save it. Concerning movies with some pacing issues or unclear concepts, they can always cut and/or reshoot, but if the movie as a whole is bad, such as this one, what can they do with it? Nothing! All it seems now is a way to figure out what was wrong with the movie so they can avoid marketing these traits in the advertising for the film.
One person I saw this with thought I was being too hard on the movie, declaring, “It’s not trying for an Academy Award or anything.” Stop making excuses. If the movie is bad, it is bad. We should not have to sit through such movies. Stop supporting crap. They make these movies because people go see them. True, there is often nothing else readily available, but something needs to be done. NOW!
This movie is being dumped in late January, which is fine, because that is the landfill where studios toss their trash. At most costs, avoid the late January-early March season, because it is filled with movies such as this.
An interesting note regarding the film’s work-in-progress standing: a random woman, obviously not Gwyneth Paltrow, did the voice-over in the film. I know the real one hasn’t been recorded yet, but it was still worth quite a few chuckles.
Hopefully I can get into a test screening of a decent movie soon. This is starting to wear me down.
--Enigma Boy
Boy, I hope I get invited to DADDY DAY CARE or that gay cruise ship Horatio Sanz/Roger Moore thing next! I’m so lucky I see movies early!
P.S. The outtakes, save for a dreadful musical take-off on “We Are Family” (this time it’s “We Are Royalty”), are actually funny, thanks to a bizarre ad-lib by Myers.
That’s a lot of talent in a film that makes me twitch just to read about. There should be a federal ban prohibiting the use of “We Are Family” in any film ever made for the rest of western civilization. Seriously.
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