Hey, everyone. "Moriarty" here with some Rumblings From The Lab.
Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to present a bitchslap, courtesy of today’s guest reviewer, “Pokey”:
Hey Harry, Moriarty. Pokey here. I went to a preview screening of Warner Bros.' "Juwanna Mann" tonight at the Grove Theatre of Beverly Hills (which is actually 2 miles east of the Beverly Hills border, well within the borders of Los Angeles. Still haven't figured that one out yet). Late last year you posted my review of Michael Mann's "Ali" after I attended an early screening of that film.
Well, "Juwanna Mann" is far, far below "Ali" on the evolutionary totem pole. It's the story of an arrogant pro basketball player named Jamal Jeffries who gets banned from the league. Anxious to play ball - and left broke by his irresponsible life of extravagance - he dresses up as a woman named Juwanna Mann and plays for a team called the Banshees in the woman's pro league. He learns humility, falls for one of his teammates, and becomes a changed man.
(Notice above that I say "pro league," not "NBA" or "WNBA." In the first and clearest sign of just how little Warner Bros. regarded this movie, and how little was spent on it, none of the teams shown are in the NBA and WNBA. Yet from the way Jamal lives at the beginning of the film, and the size of the arenas the teams play in, and the cameos by several NBA stars, we're obviously supposed to believe that the plot
exists against the backdrop of America's two premiere basketball leagues.)
It's a bad movie, marked by really bad filmmaking. That said, it BARELY qualifies as a guilty pleasure. Though it's not bad in the "so horrible it's highly entertaining" league like "Battlefield Earth,"
"Showgirls," or Frankenheimer's "The Island of Dr. Moreau." (I got more of my money's worth, entertainment-wise, in those three films than I do from most high-rated quality films.) Everything - EVERYTHING - in "Juwanna Mann"'s plot can be seen coming from 90 minutes away. Still, it had its moments. Tommy Davidson provided laughs whenever he was on the screen. (Though the best ones are seen in the trailer.) Miguel Nunez Jr. manages to squeeze some laughs out of a situation we've all seen too many times before. And the bad filmmaking, when not deeply
offending the audience's intelligence, provides ample opportunity for unintended laughs and head shakes.
There are spoilers below. Though I don't think they'll make any difference, even if you plan to see this movie. The film was made in cliche heaven, and is a perfect example of formula/cookie-cutter moviemaking. If you've seen the trailer, you know everything that's
going to happen. If you see the poster, you know everything that's going to happen. If you've seen ANY movie or television series about a guy who dresses up as a woman to get what he wants, you know everything
that's going to happen.
In fact, the true entertainment in this movie is seeing just how many things there are that don't make sense. Everything in "Juwanna Mann" points to very sloppy filmmaking. It seems the filmmakers didn't
care enough about this movie to even follow the logic and the rules that they themselves set up. For example, there is a scene early in the film when Jamal's agent Lorne tells him that he has lost all of
his endorsements, and has no source of income. This news is followed by Lorne - in no uncertain terms - dumping Jamal as a client. But two quick scenes later - with no explanation to reconcile what happened in
the earlier scene - Lorne is suddenly representing Jamal in his arbitration hearing with the league; and acts as his agent for the rest of the movie. If you ever want to see an example of a film where the
filmmakers seem to have forgotten what happened on screen just a few minutes before, see this movie.
There are so many examples of this. In the climatic game - the Banshees' first playoff game - the team trails by one point as the clock in the 4th quarter winds down towards zero. Jamal/Juwanna suddenly steals the ball, takes it down the length of the court, and dunks the ball through the hoop so hard that the backboard shatters. The Banshees have won! The team, the coaches, and the capacity crowd
celebrate like crazy. Only, it seems the filmmakers completely forgot that earlier in the film, Lorne warned Jamal/Juwanna - warned him repeatedly – that there is no dunking in the woman's league, and any
dunked points will not count. But hey, why follow YOUR OWN rules in the universe YOU set up when those rules get in the way of a good, dramatic moment like dunking a ball to win the game?
And there are so many other things that don't make any kind of sense. After Jamal/Juwanna is exposed as a man right there on the court in that very same game, it becomes national news and a grand scandal. But beyond Jamal getting kicked off the Banshee's, there are no ramifications for his ruse. Despite the fact the Banshees became a winning team and got to the playoffs based on Jamal/Juwanna's play, nothing happens to the team. Common sense says that their entire season should have been forfeited. Not only is it not, but the Banshee's apparently go on to win the league championship. I say apparently because it is later only implied that they won it, in a way that suggests the filmmakers didn't even consider that plot point until the day they actually shot it.
In fact, the entire ending of the movie feels that way. A lot of stuff is implied, with significant plot developments happening off-screen. And then the movie just abruptly ends. The ending feels like the filmmakers were on the next-to-the-last day of scheduled shooting, asked the studio for a few more days only to be turned down, and said to the cast and crew, "Only, we only have one day of shooting to
formulate an ending to the movie. Anybody got any ideas on how we can just wrap it up?"
Well, it feels that way...but was it? The answer to that might come after the last scene of the film and before the end titles roll. For at that point we are treated to several of the film's outtakes. Only, they are not outtakes from scenes in the movie that we actually saw. No, they are outtakes from scenes that were never in the film. A LOT of scenes that weren't in the film. In fact, I think Warner Bros. made a big mistake by including outtakes from those excised scenes. The movie has a multitude of holes you could fly a space shuttle through. The film FEELS like half of its scenes are missing. This resulted in me thinking that some of the scenes shown in the outtakes SHOULD have been included. And that some things in those excised scenes might have provided the clarity and continuity that the film so very much lacks.
Oh, there's a really strange moment in the film. During his arbitration hearing, Jamal goes on a diatribe peppered with expletives. Only, the expletives (most of them being "fuck") are bleeped out, like on a TV news magazine show. Not as a joke, or some clever device. Just bleeped out. It really stands out and feels tacky, especially in a movie theater. I know Warner Bros. wanted the PG-13 rating for this movie, but they could have dubbed over those choice words. Or any number of things. But those bleeps make an already low-rent film seem even tackier.
The performances? Hey, I don't blame the actors. They did the best they could with what they were given. Miguel Nunez Jr. deserves a lot better. This guy's been around forever, and has done some good work. (Anyone remember him in Oliver Stone's "Platoon," and countless television roles?) Vivica A. Fox plays the typical female love interest in this type of guy-dresses-up-as-a-woman film. You get the sense that with a better script she could have done something interesting with her character. Kim Wayans is totally wasted. She's been little seen since her days co-starring with brothers Keenan Ivory and Damon on "In Living Color." She could have stood out in this film if her character - a butch lesbian player on the Banshee's - had a purpose for being in the film. Kevin Pollak as Lorne. Nothing the character does makes much sense, but Pollak salvages what he can. Tommy Davidson. He should've been onscreen more with Nunez. The most laughter in the theater came when those two were interacting. Overall, it's sad to see the continuing state of "black-themed" films out
of Hollywood. Despite the individual achievements of Denzel, Halle, Morgan, Sam, etc., the only way you're going to see a black ensemble on the big screen is if it is in a cheap low-rent comedy with a rap soundtrack of second-rate reject songs.
Let me wrap this up. I'm just glad I saw the movie for free. The filmmakers should enroll in a class called "Logic, Clarity and the Big Screen" before they start on their next respective projects.
- Pokey
Ummmm... ouch.
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