WARNING DUE TO GANDALF'S ABILITY TO BURN IMAGES INTO MY MIND, THERE WILL BE AN IMMENSE AMOUNT OF SPOILERS HERE! READ ONLY IF YOU HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT RE-WATCHING LORD OF THE RINGS THIS FRIDAY. BTW, YOU WILL BE REWATCHING LORD OF THE RINGS THIS FRIDAY, IF YOU ARE COOL AT ALL THAT IS.

Tis strange the synchronicity of Moriarty and I at times… Separated by leagues of miles, cross treacherous terrain, yet still we see and behold the same things at the same times.

I too was ready for bed. In fact I was already in bed. I was dreaming of an untitled black & white Beat Takeshi film that I was watching at a Tarantino Film Fest, that began with no titles and I was sitting next to Father Geek, Sister Satan, Patch, Quint and the rest of the regular cast. I had never seen this film, but I was trying to figure it out. It had no subtitles, yet I understood the language, though it was not English. Beat was drinking a small bowl of sake, when suddenly a potassium flare of white light burned it’s way through the curtain closed eyelids and seared my dream away.

I awoke in my room with Gandalf sitting on my chest eating a chocolate dish and spilling the gooey chocolate sauce in his pure white beard… shorter… better groomed than before. Strangely, I did not feel Gandalf’s weight upon my chest, it was as if he weighed the same as his action figure from Toy Biz.

"Master Knowles, I sense disappointment in you from tonight’s travesty, let me show you something to give you hope again."

With that, the wall opposite my bed went black, Small letters brought down "Coming This Christmas" "in THE TWO TOWERS"

We find a pin, nestled in a mess of tundra, a Gondorian gauntlet with a dirty hand picking it up, as the camera reveals the owner of the extremities to be none other than ARAGORN. A sadness upon his face as he sees the evidence of Merry and Pippin.

Sweeping shot of orcs running… The camera is coming up from behind them, passing over top, though we don’t see the hobbits here.

Next we cut to a long shot of Legolas and Aragorn running far in front of Gimli upon a plateau of rock with a great expanse of Middle Earth about them. Next a shot from a low angle of them running into a sunset with a Parrish sky… as they pass in front of the sun, it produces slight optical starbursts… Quite lovely.

Then we see a shot of Merry and Pippin on the ground, looking up at something…

Then we see Frodo and Sam in a reverse of the last shot… From down the rocky terrain, looking at them descending into Mordor… Then there is another shot of them getting closer.

Next we see Legolas, Aragorn and Gimli arrive at a clearing… They feel a presence, close up on Legolas’ bluer than blue eyes with an extremely wide open iris, close up of Aragorn beginning to draw his blade. Gimli readying an axe… They move to sweep around, only to cut to a wide shot of a man in white robes, an enormous sweep of light powering from around him. The density of the light dims, we move in closer to reveal Gandalf the White. Younger, less worn. The hair about his head is less like that of a ‘wandering wizard’ and more like that of a conjurer… An entity of great power.

Eowyn running up steps towards us, a hooded Arwen looking up at us, mist blowing past Faramir as he turns to see something coming… a quiver of arrows upon his back

a pull away shot of Eowyn at Edoras as the camera pulls showing the solitude of Edoras as the pennants blow in the breeze.

Fade to Grima Wormtongue slinking around the corner… black slimy greasy unkept hair and blackish lips… sickly…

Shot of Eowyn, beautiful and sad, tears filling her eyes, but not yet spilling. Her face is flushed with color and holding back a torrent of emotions. Her eyes start staring into thought, but come to meet something recognized that gives solace.

Then there is this one that starts on a crescent moon hung in a misty dank cloudy sky filled with melancholy silver linings, the camera tips and turns to find an orc standing guard over an encampment. Breathtaking composition

This gives way to a shot of Aragorn and Gandalf, who is clutching close to his face his white staff as he says "The veiling shadow of the East takes shape. There is a union now between the Two Towers… Orthanc and Barad Dur…" This dialogue is placed over Orthanc, which is black and lonely, the mountains to its stern, it is a place of ruin and Barad Dur, shot from above as rivers of torch carrying orcs within the cracked earth of Mordor march to its base. Terrible and hideous.

Then a shot of the ring in Frodo’s hand… "The Ring…" cut to a shot of a weary Frodo with downcast eyes saying, "it’s getting heavier."

Next we see Frodo and Sam going through a nasty evil swamp belching up flames as we hear Galadriel say, "There is nothing we can do for Frodo…"

Cut to a shot of Galadriel sitting looking to her right saying, "the quest will claim his life."

Upon that last word we cut to Arwen laying in a black dress with a red silk looking arm hangings.. tired, arms laid out to the side as though a pool of blood had been released in cloth.

Flash to the flaming eye of Sauron revealing a profile shot of Aragorn (closest) and Gandalf slightly further away saying, "Sauron is not so mighty yet that he is above fear." Cut to a cloaked figure (Arwen?) approaching the shards of Narsil in Rivendell… "He fears you Aragorn, He fears what you may become" cut to Aragorn drawing his sword whilst atop the battlements of Helm’s Deep with his men…

Cut to Saruman in Orthanc, "So Gandalf Grayhame feels he’s found the lost king of Gondor" cut to Aragorn pushing his way through the immense doors of Edoras to the throne room of Theoden. Cut to Theoden and a soldier talking, taking notice of a new intrusion, cut to Saruman, "matters not, the world of man will fall."

Cut to a sea of orc burning and pillaging Edoras or some other locale… unsure. Humans running in fear and panic, Orcs killing. Flames fill the screen.

Cut to Theoden saying, "Where is the horse and the rider, where is the horn that was blowing, they have passed like rain on the mountains, like wind in the meadow, the days have gone down in the west… behind the hills… into shadow... "

All of this is placed over his armor being placed on, a lake of spear tops in the cool of the rain, steaming orc armor marching being pounded by the rain, back to Theoden, back to orcs breathing out hot breath, long shot of Theoden, Legolas and Aragorn staring upon their deaths as a distant onslaught of lightening flashes light and shadow upon their faces as Legolas has a look of horror, giving way to a queue of archers in the same rain as the orcs, held fast from firing, secondary shot of these archers, close up of Orc with steaming breath spilling from his beat iron helmet…

Cut to Theoden’s last line. Shot of troops lining the top of Helm’s deep…. Spears, arrows, torches all ready. Lightning flashing as the rain pours down.

A column of orc pounding their spears into the mud and their shields creating a wall of intimidating sound. A shot closer in and from above… the orc still pound… the lightning still crashes..

Legolas readies his arrow…

Orc leader raises his arm above his drenched helmet…

Aragorn looking possessed and determined in the rain…

Establishing shot of Helm’s Deep… There is the wall, the tall tower from which the horn will sound… the battlements, the cliff face behind them… Rock and a hard place…. We’re maybe half a mile or more away, yet the entire expanse is filled with orc… rain cascading upon it all… a mist hanging atop their helmets like some evil metal river of jagged iron and death. You will coo when you see this.

An orc stands atop a boulder… framed from behind with the glow of torches and fire… Rain pouring like in a nightmare, the white hand upon his chest, his arm darts up as a roar is released…

Cut to four riders upon three horses from behind… looks like Legolas, Aragorn and Gimli, who is riding behind someone I can’t make out.

Cut to David Wenham’s Faramir (most gorgeous man in the world, I’m told) with his hair blowing as he’s spotting something in the distance.

A shot of Gandalf leading a column of riders from a high pass down, his staff raised high…

Frodo coming from the bottom of the frame with a vicious look upon his face, Sting cocked and ready to stab.

Eowyn sparring with Aragorn with swords, where she demonstrates her prowess as a swordswoman. Miranda Otto is Droolalicious.

Pippin and Merry being thrown down nearly atop a dead orc and looking down right disgusted by it all.

Happy shot of Aragorn and Arwen happily celebrating and preparing to kiss (it looks like)

Shot of riders coming straight at us.

Legolas in the midst of battle pulling his two blades from behind and getting all ginsu blades of death on some poor orc.

Eomer atop his horse holding a spear getting ready for some challenge… behind him are some lovely trees and a beautiful sky…

Cut to Pippin climbing a tree, that blinks to an open eye, Pippin is pulling himself up upon the nose, turns and looks straight at the eye, turns to tell Merry something, when he realizes he just saw an eye in a tree… Very nice looking tease of Treebeard, though I’ve heard this shot is not quite finished product… they still have a bit of work on it.

Cut to Aragorn signaling the first volley of arrows to be fired from a mass of men behind him and beside him. The shot pans to follow the direction that the flock… nay the swarm of arrows flying into orcs taking them down en masse.

A daytime shot of the interior of Helm’s Deep? I’m not sure, this doesn’t look like the Minas Tirith that I know. We’ll have to see.

Shot of happier times for Eowyn, the light catching her beauty, her face turning with smile.

Shot of Aragorn framed by blue sky and clouds atop a horse whose bridle comes into frame.

Next a shot that I can only describe as being like a painting of old. The shot is of the white rider charging fearlessly into a mass of orc spears… black and evil, whilst a charge of riders trail behind him flying into certain death. This is… Amazing. An incredible shot. Like a moving Frazetta.

Cut to Saruman rushing to his balcony to look out upon something that is pissing him off.

Legolas standing atop a cliff watching a mass of orc or other soldiers pouring over a hill towards him…

Now… prepare yourselves… An overhead shot of what begins as a thousand orcs, a Ladder tossed down upon them, dividing the mass of death merchants… the camera begins tilting and moving forward to meet the wall of Helm’s Deep as ladders fly to it’s side, the wall met with orc, ladders being pushed back, volleys of arrows fly, one ladder going up with an orc atop it leaping from its top into Helm’s Deep… another orc tosses an archer to his brothers below the camera turns to show the Deeping wall, the tower, the bridge upon which much fighting is happening… tens of thousands… maybe even more… Countless I say… A fury of fighting. We’ve seen nothing like this on film before.

Cut to Grima spilling poison from his tongue to Theoden’s sickly ears. Theoden looks near death and Grima the worm of a man that he is. Like a festering boil upon the King’s ear.

Shot of Gandalf to two other riders at full speed as a purple sunset is drifting away in the background.

Theoden in tears holding his eyes and tears at bay.

Eowyn touching Aragorn’s head.

Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli arrive at Edoras in the throne room

Close up of Arwen laying… looking more beautiful than ever…

The exodus of those from Helm’s deep? The families into the mountains? Not sure.

Then the Gollum shots… We hear…

"The Thievvvvesssss, the filllthyyyy little thievvvvvessssss, they’ve stolen my preciousssss and we wantssss it"

There are three shots from the same shot divided by blinks of black. Gollum is coming from foreframe down to Frodo and Sam asleep in the back top of frame. You see his toes grab hold… his spine stabbing at his skin as he contorts… his hands greedily reaching for the neck of Frodo.

Cut to Frodo opening his eyes…

Blackness……

I stared upon Mithrandir on my chest and asked… not to see it again, but for him to burn the experience into my mind for all time. Let me relive it not upon equipment and electronics, but in my mind so that it lives there behind my closed eyes.

He smiled, touched my forehead, and here it lives. Lives till I share with my friends this Friday.

This trailer isn’t about dropping your jaw, it is about giving fans what they want, a glimpse at the moments they are dying to see. Folks, I’ll see you in theaters this Friday. Hehehe… I’ll be going, to just hear others’ reactions. Till then, this is Harry signing off…