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Risk-Averse Studio Hires Talented Writer To Make BAYWATCH Movie...

FIRST! by lockesbrokenleg	Jul 7th, 2009 10:04:56 PM
GO HOFF GO!!
Don't be ashamed Beaks... by Shermdawg	Jul 7th, 2009 10:09:03 PM
...Police Academy was good fun. I wish Reno 911 would've did a crossover with a few of the characters.
Actually, the only one I didn't like was... by Shermdawg	Jul 7th, 2009 10:09:52 PM
...Mission to Moscow.
HOFF AND SHAT MUST BE IN THIS MOVIE!! by lockesbrokenleg	Jul 7th, 2009 10:20:13 PM

HOFF NEEDS TO FIGHT A SHARK IN THIS by HaterofCrap	Jul 7th, 2009 10:23:11 PM
TO THE DEATH GO GO GO
Who are the ad wizards... by wampa 1	Jul 7th, 2009 10:28:44 PM
...that came up with this one?
For crying out loud! by coldbrynx	Jul 7th, 2009 10:29:10 PM
Stop giving us bullcrap Hollywood! We loved the Hangover and you want to ruin a good writer's rep by making a Baywatch film?? Give us something original for once!
Weary of movies about schlubs. by Dingbatty	Jul 7th, 2009 10:32:02 PM

Son of the Beach movie would be better by kafka07	Jul 7th, 2009 10:35:24 PM
Baywatch was so lame, I never want to see a movie of it.
Sam Jackson as the Shark- "MC Hammerhead" by YackBacker	Jul 7th, 2009 10:35:49 PM
Poofy pants, entourage and all.
I prefer POLICE ACADEMY 2, because I'm unpredictable... by FlickaPoo	Jul 7th, 2009 10:36:28 PM
...but make it raunchy and funny and I'm there. The more you fail at funny the more seconds of nipple time required though...
MITCH BAYWATCH!!! by lockesbrokenleg	Jul 7th, 2009 10:40:50 PM
GO MITCH!!
And what's wrong with SON OF THE BEACH? by MCVamp	Jul 7th, 2009 10:44:16 PM
NOTCH JOHNSON.
I want to make it clear that I'm not faulting Garelick for takin by EveryonesReimagining_or_ER	Jul 7th, 2009 10:44:18 PM
I fault him.
"...the surprisingly dark script for... THE BREAK-UP" by TheLastBoyScout	Jul 7th, 2009 10:57:39 PM
Beaks, where the fuck do you get these opinions from? First, Nic Cage is going to win the Oscar for Bad Lieutenant 2, next, Matt Damon's getting nominated for an Oscar for The Informant. And now, you say the Break Up was dark. If by dark, you mean poor comedy surrounded by even worse attempts at drama, then you'd be right. But I doubt you're saying this. Garelick is a hack, just like every other so called "hot writer" before him that plunged into obscurity after a few years. Hollywood goes through "hot writers" quicker than they go through 19 year old sluts.
Plot: The Hoff is a washed up drunk videotaped eating a burger by Tall_Boy66	Jul 7th, 2009 11:07:33 PM
The tape leaks to the Baywatch beach company, they bounce him for being a drunk eating a burger, and they have to hire new Baywatchers.
*drinking by EveryonesReimagining_or_ER	Jul 7th, 2009 11:30:05 PM
It’s crystal the channels set up in the Hollywood picture business is all about grand nightmares and crushed dreams. Good writer, youse good writer! Yousa win a Oscar one day youse keep this up! Go Head Boy! Git Hot! Whatever happened to balls man? BALLS MAN, plural. This one nut called Hollywood has called the shots since WINDGONE because talented folks lack balls. Where have the entrepreneurs of this biz gone? Are Cult Disney and Tyler Perry & Berry the ONLY ones with the balls to make their own studios, their own movie land? When perfect capitalist opportunities come along for folks like this I always shake my head in amazement who scrap the band idea all the while slowly beating that drum. It’ll Always Make That Sound BOOP awwwww I punched a Kaufman-sized hole in it and have to poop. Fuck salt.
TheLastBoyScout by EveryonesReimagining_or_ER	Jul 7th, 2009 11:31:06 PM
I agree with you and like your name sir!
Tall_Boy66 by EveryonesReimagining_or_ER	Jul 7th, 2009 11:37:22 PM
I find that quite mean thing my good lad. The Hoff is still a very talented person and has prospered since the drunk fiasco. Now if you’re gonna be mean, be mean to someone who deserves it. Like Brandy.
If Futurama is to come true... by ZAM1138	Jul 7th, 2009 11:37:45 PM
This will have to be the first film to ever be shot in all Slow-Motion. And Pam Anderson wins the Oscar
Only If it Ends With Chemical Warfare by Mr.LordBronco	Jul 7th, 2009 11:38:07 PM
Watch This: Mustard Gas! Yay! My SoCal lifestyle is so cool! coughs blood
mean, not mean thing by EveryonesReimagining_or_ER	Jul 7th, 2009 11:39:00 PM
DONE.
ZAM1138 by EveryonesReimagining_or_ER	Jul 7th, 2009 11:39:47 PM
I WAS JUST THINKING THAT! HAHAHA!
no caps by EveryonesReimagining_or_ER	Jul 7th, 2009 11:40:38 PM
no caps...
This begs the question.... by closeencounter	Jul 7th, 2009 11:41:10 PM
Why have a writer(s) for a movie like Baywatch? WHY??
Baywatch would be nothing but.... by closeencounter	Jul 7th, 2009 11:42:25 PM
Glorified porn. The actors (hahaha, actors!!) could just make up shit as they go along.
You know they're going to cast Will Ferrell! by Logan_1973	Jul 7th, 2009 11:49:40 PM
And possibly Megan Fox.
Ewww..... by closeencounter	Jul 7th, 2009 11:56:47 PM
Ferrell as Hasselhoff. Shit. Megan Fox as the main bikini girl, but she doesn't have the boobs! Pamela as her original character from the first Baywatch, in a cameo as the older, more experienced burned-out lifeguard, but still with hugh tits. Now that I'd see.
He should do a POLICE ACADEMY movie instead. by Mike_D	Jul 8th, 2009 12:02:18 AM
yup
Ahhh Baywatch.. by KAOS11DIRECTOR	Jul 8th, 2009 12:52:31 AM
They deserved an Emmy or two for their acting alone.Hoff should play the villain named Havesumsnapps and Pamela can play a floatation device that saves lives. Please let Michael Bay do this instead...boobs explode!
Really. Seriously. by Stan Grossman	Jul 8th, 2009 01:03:15 AM
This has to be a fucking joke. Weep loudly. We are witnessing the death of american cinema as we KNEW it. And not just because they're making a baywatch flick. But because thats all they(as in the big studios) ever make anymore. Trash. I dont even know why I bother. Gun.mouth.bang.dead...
The Original Hangover Script Was Better... by ringocanplay	Jul 8th, 2009 01:13:54 AM
than the movie. The first draft from Lucas and Moore was the best script I ever read and way funnier than the movie, if you can believe that. This Garelick guy took out the hilarious gay bar subplot and the cleverness about finding Bartha on the roof. Not a "great talent," unless you love the cinematic genius of Alien vs. Predator Requiem and Shaft.
Police Academy is fucking hilarious! by kwisatzhaderach	Jul 8th, 2009 02:49:48 AM
Ah, memories.
And all my friends wonder why I like old movies... by Continentalop	Jul 8th, 2009 03:02:09 AM
...and foreign movies right now. To paraphrase Sunset Blvd right now, Hollywood isn't in the movie business, they are in the popcorn selling business.
http://tinyurl.com/nrlepc by ironic_name	Jul 8th, 2009 03:05:37 AM

he should probably just hold his nose and take what's offered fo by Buzz_Aldrin	Jul 8th, 2009 03:39:48 AM
I'm sure a hotshot Hollywood screenwriter needs the blessing of an insane dumbass like you to make his career decisions. You're such an idiot Beaks, it's mind numbing.
contributed by the Onion by Anything But Tangerines	Jul 8th, 2009 04:16:44 AM
Area man sues AICN
Surely they gonna get THE HOFF and PAMMY to be the backbone of t by mr sulu	Jul 8th, 2009 04:59:35 AM
esp if its to be a Police Academy style comedy as like The Shat they both seen as comedy personalities now ....i mean theyd be CRAZY not to have The Hoff in it properly (not just a blink and you miss it cameo like Glazer and Soul in Starsky and Hutch)... same goes for Pammy - in terms of appeal she was the Spock of Baywatch to The Hoffs Kirk.. i know they'll want fresh hot young blood as the leads but The Hoff and Pammy will HAVE TO be in this in a similar way to Brando in Superman or Nimoy in the new Trek oh and like the way Starsky and Hutch homaged the original actors outside pursuits (e.g. Having Hutch sing 'Dont give up on us baby') there MUST be a homage to Pammy & Tommys video in this - like the new CJ makes a honeymoon tape and someone steals it...also The Hoff with Knight Rider - have the Hoff cruising around in a black trans am singing Jump in my car
beaks is a retard by TheExterminator	Jul 8th, 2009 06:08:05 AM
he reiterates this with every post he makes
Megan Fox for Baywatch! by DarthBakpao	Jul 8th, 2009 06:35:00 AM

how can it be uncredited if hes taking CREDIT? by Six Demon Bag	Jul 8th, 2009 06:41:48 AM
i also did an uncredited polish on JAWS...and 1941...do i get CREDIT? or BLAME?
BAYWATCHES MEGAN FOX WASH HIS FERRARI by ZombieHeathLedger	Jul 8th, 2009 06:45:42 AM
as her TRANSFORMERS audition. From http://perezhilton.com/page/4/ The only transformation Michael Bay should be concerned with now is the one he took from geeky teenager to disgusting, douchey perv! Apparently, the Transformer's director had Megan Fox complete a rather unorthodox audition at his house. A source reports that Bay "made her wash his Ferrari while he filmed her." What?! Ewwwww!!!! When asked about this unseen footage, Bay claims "[I] don't know where it is." Sure, sure. Bet if we check your bedroom DVD player we'd find it!
its uncredited because... by Bouncy X	Jul 8th, 2009 06:47:48 AM
the person's name isn't anywhere in the movie's credits, hence the word. although at the same time, if you went through the trouble of keeping your name away then why go and mention it but hey...thats people for ya.
Would these Hollywood cocksuckers go to the library? by BurnHollywood	Jul 8th, 2009 07:13:29 AM
Motherfuckers are running out of 70s and 80s shit to "update", they're rebooting franchises that don't need to be rebooted, and now they're dredging up fuck-awful 90s excrement. Still no NEUROMANCER or ENDER'S GAME movies. Jeezus Khrist on a pogo stick.
uncredited cause he didnt know the film would make $$$ by Six Demon Bag	Jul 8th, 2009 07:30:03 AM
now its a hit...and hey i DID that!!!!
The Insane Laws by Hopie	Jul 8th, 2009 07:36:56 AM
Featuring two guys from D-Troit named Joseph who wear crazy makeup and go on a wacky adventure south of the border. Their kids get married at the end and all ends well, for everyone except Richard Libertini. And horrorcore fans.
get Zack Snyder to direct by Spandau Belly	Jul 8th, 2009 07:41:35 AM
He likes slow motion.
Yasmine Bleethe is a hilarious name by CaptainSpamtilles	Jul 8th, 2009 08:28:37 AM

Get Bay ! by Logan_1973	Jul 8th, 2009 08:29:02 AM
Loves tits, good with slo-mo, strong eye for visuals. For chrissakes he's perfect!
Why not just call it BEACH ACADEMY then? by WickedJester	Jul 8th, 2009 08:41:07 AM
Hasn't the Hoff suffered enough?
Baywatch was never actually popular anywhere by rosasaks	Jul 8th, 2009 08:41:19 AM
It was just on in a lot of countries and got terrible ratings in all of them. Some marketing moron made that out to be better than it is and morons started parroting it was the most watched show in the world like it was the truth. It's one of those dumb shows a thousand channels can repeat every afternoon and sure, theoretically, millions of people might be watching it. Except they aren't. And they never were. And everybody knows it's garbage. Maybe somebody's pet dog still watches it on the odd occasion the television gets left on when their unemployed owner goes to do the ironing or water the garden.
Zack Snyder? by Subtitles_Off	Jul 8th, 2009 09:25:17 AM
Yeah, he does like slow motion. And he really has a boner for men's abs. You're right - he's a natch.
Which Police Academy movie had the Bones Brigade by CreasyBear	Jul 8th, 2009 09:53:54 AM
in a chase sequence? McGill, Cab, Tony Hawk, . . . thems was the good ol' days.
I can not believe Bob Orci wasn't tapped for this.. by conspiracy	Jul 8th, 2009 09:57:58 AM
if anything ever had his name all over it this would be that thing. He could load it up with all the cliched lines, hammy, silly comedy he wanted and the people who saw it would think it fucking Gold.
Shia to star as Pammy's tits. by scriptgirl_nipples	Jul 8th, 2009 11:00:20 AM

doesn't matter Hollywood..... by rben	Jul 8th, 2009 11:23:49 AM
i'm reading three things at once right now-Dick's highcastle, mcdevitt's moonfall and bits n pieces from essential ellison. (oh, and watching eps from my TZ collection-60s and 80s) so suck on it hollywood!
No. Its timne for the Aquaman movie we have been waiting for: by wowsah156	Jul 8th, 2009 11:54:43 AM
Its time for DC and WB to show some balls and start looking for a decent Aquaman script. And cast Kirks father from JJ Abrams Trek has Arthur/Aquaman. And have cameos from king shark and superboy in the movie (as a set up for the Suicide Squad movie)
CreasyBear by Six Demon Bag	Jul 8th, 2009 11:59:06 AM
Police Academy 4--Citizens on Patrol...the bones brigade subbed for David Spade??? yes.
Yeah, yeah, originality is dead in Hollywood. by Orbots Commander	Jul 8th, 2009 12:02:40 PM
I guess we know this now. Ah well, I'm catching up on my reading and frequenting the local public library often this summer. The ONLY way I'll see a Baywatch movie is if I catch it on late night cable, years from now.
Bones Brigade...remember Gleaming the Cube? by Cellar Door	Jul 8th, 2009 12:12:44 PM
Tony Hawk actually played a charactaer in the movie (not himself) altho I think his character's name was Tony. Drove a Pizza Hut truck, etc. A good 'whodunit'-'teenager gets deserved justice' movie in the early beginnings of Christian Slater's career. I think Gator was in it too...ahh yes..and for the really obscure BB's... Have you seen him? http://tinyurl.com/ldm9 dj
The Break Up had a script? by Muki	Jul 8th, 2009 12:48:41 PM
Seriously?
Michael Bay SHOULD direct Baywatch : The Movie by scriptgirl_nipples	Jul 8th, 2009 01:25:09 PM

I just watched Armageddon by KEVIN_COSTNERS_RECYCLED_PISS	Jul 8th, 2009 01:37:40 PM
I forgot how good that movie is. Seriously, compared to Transformers 2 it's like fucking Raiders of the Lost Ark. Michael Bay used to be a good director who knew how to create beautiful shots but unfortunately, if you give him too much money everything goes to shit. I guess he's a bit like Joel Schumacher in that way. Mayble Bay and this Garelick guy could just swap franchises or something.
THEY MUST CAST HASSLEHOFF IN THIS MOVIE! OR IT'S NO DEAL!! by MrMysteryGuest	Jul 8th, 2009 03:04:45 PM

As long as there is titties and ass by theycallmemrtibbs	Jul 8th, 2009 03:20:20 PM
running around in orange, one piece bathing suits every two minutes....I'm There. Oh and the Hasslehotff singing all his greatest hits............. in German
Orange? by KEVIN_COSTNERS_RECYCLED_PISS	Jul 8th, 2009 04:08:48 PM
Are you colour blind?
Could've been red..... by theycallmemrtibbs	Jul 8th, 2009 05:48:40 PM
It was an old television. Channel 50 was a tough channel to tune into without cable, all we had was a hanger with aluminum foil on the end of it. I am not however second guessing the titties!
Just Because the TV Show Blew Goats... by Wrath4771	Jul 8th, 2009 07:01:32 PM
Doesn't mean the movie is doomed to suck. It may get lucky and become like the Brady Bunch - did anyone really think that movie would turn out as well as it did? I don't expect anything classic like Stripes, but I wouldn't necessarily dismiss this just because the show sucked.
"... pretend I'm still 11 years old..." by CountryBoy	Jul 8th, 2009 07:19:51 PM
So Beaks is 12?
For Christ's Sake by DukeDeMondo	Jul 9th, 2009 08:15:19 PM
You haven't read a word of this script - never mind that you haven't seen a frame of film. this wah wah wah death-of-originality-TRASH-TRA SH-wah blatherin is fuckin ridiculous. The easiest thing in the world, it is- pluckin' the knob-end of superiority from out the panties of feigned-offence, crackin' great globs of pseudo-ire every goddamn road and direction - the easiest thing, yes, when you have no more knowledge of the subject than the crust of a month-old loaf has of the price o' a roll of cellotape. This pisses me off somethin' fierce. I wish there were more staggerin' films being made by folks who clearly have the ability to make them - but i'll judge each thing as it reaches me, not fourteen years before. Wah-Wah Fincher's makin a bloody goddamn picture about the Facebook holy Jesus Christ wah wah. you have NO IDEA what Fincher, or this Baywatchin' cat, or the Viewmaster chaps and ladies, have in mind. NO IDEA. nor will you have any idea until such times as the film arrives - if it ever does - and you 're forced to feign a grimace through two hours of motion picture you're seein only through the fug of what you said about it a lifetime ago, on that talkback, and which now threatens you no-end, for oh my god, it turns out I was the one, yes, with no imagination. Jesus. This is nothing new, folks. nothing new AT ALL. and guess what - some of the finest fuckin' pictures ever made arose from such an "unoriginal" "suit"-conjured funk. You think John Ford took on The Searchers because of the originality of the two-line plot synopsis on IMDB??? He took it on because he knew the territory inside out and because he knew that a pre-set generic template meant he had more room for worrying about the Important Stuff. Goddamn. And if Baywatch the motion picture (wait, there already was one...)- if this NEW baywatch motion picture turns out to be a load of stinkin' rotten ballbag, well that's how it goes. But it might not. there's the thing. rant over. www.mondoirlando.com

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