Stupid.

nothing else matters

It makes even less sense having a movie with "Halloween" in the title opening in any month that isn't October.

Basterds = Amateurs

Bale = The only fucking Pro in town.

QT usually manages to bring in great looking movies at a reasonable price, but if it wasn't for Pitt's presence you'd think this was some DTV style shit.

Like the loyal German bourgeoisie in 1945, trying to keep patriotically cheerful despite the distant ominous rumblings of Russian tanks, we Tarantino fans have kept loyally optimistic on the Croisette this week. We ignored the rumourmongers, the alarmists and defeatists, and insisted that the Master would at the last moment fire a devastating V1 rocket of a movie which would lay waste to his, and our, detractors. But today the full catastrophe of his new film arrived like some colossal armour-plated turkey from hell. The city of our hopes is in flames.

Quentin Tarantino's cod-WW2 shlocker about a Jewish-American revenge squad intent on killing Nazis in German-occupied France is awful. It is achtung-achtung-ach-mein-Gott atrocious. It isn't funny; it isn't exciting; it isn't a realistic war movie, yet neither is it an entertaining genre spoof or a clever counterfactual wartime yarn. It isn't emotionally involving or deliciously ironic or a brilliant tissue of trash-pop references. Nothing like that. Brad Pitt gives the worst performance of his life, with a permanent smirk as if he's had the left side of his jaw injected with cement, and which he must uncomfortably maintain for long scenes on camera without dialogue.

And those all-important movie allusions are entirely without zing, being to stately stuff such as the wartime German UFA studio, GW Pabst etc, for which Tarantino has no feeling, displaying just a solemn Euro-cinephilia that his heart isn't in. The expression on my face in the auditorium as the lights finally went up was like that of the first-night's audience at Springtime for Hitler. Except that there is no one from Dusseldorf called Rolf to cheer us up.

Pitt plays Lt Aldo Raine, the leader of an anti-Nazi commando unit whose avowed mission is to get 100 Kraut scalps apiece; we see the scalpings in full, gruesome detail, yet that figure is entirely forgotten about by the end. Mélanie Laurent plays Shosanna Dreyfus, a beautiful young Jewish woman whose family were slaughtered by SS Col Hans Landa, played by Christoph Waltz. She got away and (somehow) attained not only a new identity, but also ownership of a Paris cinema which is to play host to the premiere of Dr Goebbels's latest propaganda movie, in the presence of the Führer himself. Her plan is to incinerate the entire first-night audience by bolting the doors and igniting her vast inflammable stock of nitrate film. Meanwhile Lt Raine has his own plans for killing Hitler at the movie theatre and the Brits get involved too, in the form of suave Michael Fassbender as Archie Hicox, a crack commando making contact with exotic spy Bridget von Hammersmark, played by Diane Kruger.

There are some nice-ish performances, particularly from Fassbender and Waltz, but everything is just so boring. I was hoping for Shosanna at least to get a satisfying revenge on the unspeakable Col Landa. But no. The two Hitler-assassination plots cancel each other out dramatically and the director's moderate reserves of narrative interest are exhausted way before the end. He should perhaps go back to making cheerfully inventive outrageous films like Kill Bill. Because Kill Adolf hasn't worked out.

• Peter Bradshaw is the Guardian's film critic

"armor-plated turkey from hell"

"awful"

"achtung-achtung-ach-mein-Gott atrocious"

See y'all opening night!

This looks really bad, just stupid and boring. QT should have chosen Troma movies to make love to instead of unheard of 70s war flicks. That would have been more fun, Nazi Killing Troma style. Surf Nazis.

Ash0k you lead with innaccuracy. You can't cite the same fucking film twice as "indulgent side trips".

Also this line "with some of the most disciplined storytelling Tarantino has produced – even though it’s still nearly three hours long" smells rather suspicious. Fuck that it doesn't smell suspicious. It smells of BULLSHIT.

But anyone wanting to see a movie about somem "renegade" soldiers killing the fuck out of Nazis shoukd be more than satisfied with Lee Marvin & the gang in The Dirty Dozen. Hell, you get psychotic Telly Sevalas as "Maggot" - what else do you need??

Now, if you were being sarcastic - it's so hard to tell - or meant something else, then, let's start insulting each others' mothers right this second.

Even one who would light a candle for Billy Mays.

I'm so-on the edge of my seat.

Another might be Paul and Leonard Schrader - supposedly Leonard did a lot of the work but his brother Paul always stole the credit.

And then there are those who want their followers to pester people who are not paying them immediate attention. Perez Hilton asked people to call the police because he was punched in the face; Dina Lohan urged her followers to contact housekeeping at the hotel she was staying at because she needed more towels.

Like Titbag's posts.

WHY did QT choose Brad Pitt? It can't be for his acting skills. Maybe he wants a mainstream hit. Which is fine but there is something wrong when I am not excited to see a Quentin Tarantino movie.

I think Brad Pitt is probably a cool guy and he can be funny but no way do I buy him as this character. And a cameo by Dr. Evil? This movie looks boring. Oh well, to each his own. I think I'll put Jackie Brown on the Netflix que so I can see a good QT film.

If someone can give me a good review that presents it as something other than "FUCKING AWESOME!!!" (Harry) or "really bad, boring, and disappointing" (general critics), I may see it. I want a review that tells me its an interesting failure or an enjoyable crapfest.

When the pretty boy actor's cock goes limp...

Oh..the trailer? Given that it is QT...this movie has a 50/50 chance of sucking cock.

The DP work is an A.

And Harry, I saw DRAG ME TO HELL last night -- and it was mediocre! Disappointing.

And could that guy look LESS like Hitler? Why didn't they just cast a black or Asian guy and make him all the way unconvincing?

Yeah, so sue me! lol

And when I look at Mike Myers in BASTERDS, I'm thiking it's a bad clip from one of his new movies. Awful.

The biggest load of neoconservative shit ever foisted on the American public is that the French didn't "fight back" in WW2...they lost 90,000 men in the Battle Of France, and a further 25,000 died as POWs in Germany (twice as many casualties as the US had in Vietnam). French exiles fought with the allies around the globe, and the French established a significant resistance force that greatly assisted the re-taking of France, paving the way for the Allied invasion of Germany.

US Intelligence paid the Resistance back by spiriting the Nazi's most notorious brute, Klaus Barbie, off to South America so he could kill and torture there after the war.

This is the movie QT SHOULD be making, not some trumped up fantasy.