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Massawyrm says HANNAH MONTANA is harmless crap your little girls will love!

HAHA...Massa wants to fuck Miley Cyrus! by Cap'n Jack	Apr 10th, 2009 10:18:33 AM

Massa.... by nam0krut	Apr 10th, 2009 10:22:45 AM
There are days that i envy your job..this isnt one of them
"then there is no reason to see this film whatsoever" by chrth	Apr 10th, 2009 10:24:13 AM
What about pedophiles, Massa? How dare you exclude them?!?
TWO fucking reviews of this?!?! by CHRISTIAN_BALE_TRASHED_MY_LIGHTS	Apr 10th, 2009 10:27:11 AM
Is that just in case the first one didn't help us make up our minds? Christ almighty, that's overkill. Why does AICN need two of its writers to cover this shitfest for little girls? That's like Michael Scott sending both Pam and Ryan out to a potential client looking for only one box of paper a week whilst other bigger potential clients go unnoticed. This makes you Ryan, Massa....no, wait. This makes you Pam and Harry is Michael Scott. So...um...yeah.
The Billy Ray/Miley butterfly duet by CerebralAssassin	Apr 10th, 2009 10:27:25 AM
is almost moving. And Emily Osment looks enough like her brother to get A.I. flashbacks. So those two things recommend this movie.
I'm curious by TheBigDogg	Apr 10th, 2009 10:27:34 AM
Why are you seeing this movie? It's not that I don't appreciate the review but I can't imagine many, if any of AICN's readers were ever thinking about going to see this. Even those with kids would have to go or not go regardless, depending on what credits they had with their other half and how much control their kids have over them. Unless Google Analytics is telling you that pre-teen girls are actually a huge percentage of AICN's readers. Or indeed any percentage.
Has anyone seen the commercial with the review? by Cotton McKnight	Apr 10th, 2009 10:30:41 AM
I actually did a doubletake and replayed it when I saw this: BY FAR THE BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR. I paused it and the quote was attributed to KTLA. I'm sorry but that's just hysterically funny.
CHRISTIAN_BALE: I'm pretty sure Harry doesn't by chrth	Apr 10th, 2009 10:32:32 AM
give out assignments. The main guys just go out and do whatever then submit.
Does she show her tits? by Fletcher_Hanks	Apr 10th, 2009 10:33:57 AM
Hey, it's just a question!
So I take it it's not communist then, Massa? by HoboCode	Apr 10th, 2009 10:43:45 AM
Really? You're giving THIS a pass? You suck. did Disney buy this site recently?
Please Visit by bobsjohnson	Apr 10th, 2009 10:46:23 AM
Please visit this website and click Play Video. I'm in a contest and all I need are views. Please help, AICN! http://tinyurl.com/dgub9z
Don't you dare call Vanessa Williams a has-been! by tonagan	Apr 10th, 2009 10:51:31 AM
She'll always be popular and gorgeous in my eyes.
So what. When's the iCarly film coming out? by The Eskimo	Apr 10th, 2009 10:55:24 AM

Vanessa Williams. by HoboCode	Apr 10th, 2009 11:03:44 AM
Has-been? She deserves a fucking Emmy for her work on Ugly Betty. Seriously.
Maybe your kid would... by Frankenbastard	Apr 10th, 2009 11:06:42 AM
My daughter isn’t a fucking lemming so she’d hate it.
It's not harmless crap! by seppukudkurosawa	Apr 10th, 2009 11:06:49 AM
We're talking about the formative years of these little girls' lives here, and lazy parents are throwing them away by letting them watch elevator muzak TV instead. They may like it, but kids also like ice cream, but that doesn't mean you should let them gorge themselves on it 'til they're fit to explode. In fact, I know this might seem really out there and avant garde, but why not just do away with the idiot box altogether? If it means they get shit at school, well whoop-de-doo, some dumb children are peer-pressuring smarter kids to be as dumb as them, what changes? I read Hannah Montana's autiobiography to a few kids with autism/severe dyslexia recently, and I hated myself more and more with every chapter. I guess it's not worse than most blogs, but still...if I'd tried to read them something like The Last Unicorn or Coraline, their brains would have just switched off. It's reached the point where, unless they're being pandered to, these children just glaze their eyes and screen it all out. Definitely not just harmless crap.
Hmm... by Frankenbastard	Apr 10th, 2009 11:09:19 AM
What’s really funny is the Billy Ray ad right next to the review, shameless.
PLANT. by S_Rorschach	Apr 10th, 2009 11:20:25 AM
no deny.
I have to tween daughters. by TJ Donkey Show	Apr 10th, 2009 11:25:52 AM

Awesome seppukudkurosawa by Frankenbastard	Apr 10th, 2009 11:26:37 AM
You nailed a big portion of it. Parents have no clue what their kids really want so they cow down to what Disney is shoveling out and say “oh it’s on Disney, you like this right?” This is what you like because you’re a kid and it’s easier for me to have the TV take care of you is what it boils down to. Hannah Montana and High School Musical are an easy meal for parents to feed their kids eyeballs. Parents have their 4-6 year olds watching the show without even checking it’s content. It’s like a no brainer for them, “It’s a kids show…I have a kid.” My offspring are going to be kids first an foremost I’m not trying to rush sloppily them into their white trash preteen years as fast as I can. I had a childhood and they will too and yes they do watch TV and Disney shows but I take the time to sit down and preview everything they see.
seppukudkurosawa by CerebralAssassin	Apr 10th, 2009 11:28:12 AM
Ha ha, you just said "idiot box." What, are you 60 years old? Go piss yourself, Jerry Mander.
As I was saying before I hit the enter key... by TJ Donkey Show	Apr 10th, 2009 11:38:36 AM
I have 2 tween daughters. The oldest (12 years old) won't stop listening to Abbey Road. The other one (10 years old) Loves Pink Floyd and is learning to play Sunshine Of My Love on her Starcaster. They Just don't get Miley Cyrus. My point is that just because they're young and girls, it doesn't mean that they'll fall for "packaged" crap like this movie.
CerebralAssassin by seppukudkurosawa	Apr 10th, 2009 11:51:49 AM
Just wait until my latest book comes out, "The Real Terminator IV: How Laptops are Making a Whole Generation Sterile."
Why Is This Here?? by Sluggolicious	Apr 10th, 2009 12:06:03 PM
I don't understand why this $hit "movie" is even mentioned on this ste. Guys, you can say NO to a press invite. Really.
good thing i dont keep my macbook... by DrBrianOblivion	Apr 10th, 2009 12:09:30 PM
hovering over my balls then...Thank you precious table...
AICN is having a slow news day I guess... by FrecklesBauer	Apr 10th, 2009 12:13:39 PM

One of the world's last great non-ironic mullets... by Darth_Inedible	Apr 10th, 2009 01:07:18 PM
That's what ruined Adventureland for me. You can't do '80s period without every guy sporting at least a slight mullet. I guess it's too hard to get people to grow them for a shoot.
Wait...why 2 reviews? by Outlaw	Apr 10th, 2009 01:23:49 PM
Are you trying to get a younger demographic onto these boards? I thought AICN learned their lesson after all the kiddie porn jokes from the Vince Vaughn comedy contest.
2 Reviews by Massawyrm 1	Apr 10th, 2009 01:40:41 PM
Me and Capone don't talk as often as we'd like - and sometimes we think the other will flinch when it comes to seeing something like this. To be honest, I went hoping to get a funny review out of it...but when there really wasn't anything too terribly wrong with it, I felt: shit, I didn't see this for fun. Suck it up, cupcakes. We certainly did.
WTLA by Bramton1	Apr 10th, 2009 02:38:21 PM
I think that station is run by 12 year old girls. Didn't you know? If Harry posts a review of this, starting with everything he did leading up to seeing this...I'm swearing this site off for good.
What the fuck happened to this site. by BangoSkank	Apr 10th, 2009 02:50:41 PM
All these multiple reviews of the same movies (I understand the Star Trek ones, at least), and now two reviews of this shit. All the while, so many good movies get ignored completely..... The thing is, if you're not going to make fun of HM, what's even the point of writing the review? Okay, fine, it wasn't total shit, and the little girls will love it.... But why post the review at all? So you can write off the ticket price on your taxes?
Fine for tweens by lsleelee	Apr 10th, 2009 03:09:10 PM
But I know quite a few college girls who are excited to see this. Very depressing.
Massawyrm, Miley Cyrus will turn 18 on 11/23/2010! by Leafar the Lost	Apr 10th, 2009 03:17:55 PM
Miley Cyrus's real name is Destiny Hope Cyrus, and she was born on November 23, 1992. She is 16, and for guys like Massawyrm, she will turn 18 on 11/23/2010. It's very clear that after reading Massawyrm's review that he has the hots for Hannah Montanna. He never actually says it, but you have to read between the lines to get it. It's more of a feeling that I get from reading the review that he is counting the days until Miley turns 18. I will not be anywhere near the theatre when this 90 minutes music video is playing. Really, Massawyrm, you should try to keep it in check. I think Miley has a 21 year old boyfriend or something. By the way, Selena Gomez (who plays Alex Russo on the Disney Channel Original Series "Wizards of Waverly Place") will turn 18 on July 22, 2010.
Capone vs. Massa by SpawnofAchilles	Apr 10th, 2009 03:25:50 PM
They give polar opposite opinions, one says harmless fun the other says terrible bullshit that IS harmful. Funny.
And if anything, little girls need more of by SilentP	Apr 10th, 2009 03:27:54 PM
that positive “it’s not the makeup and the clothes that make the girl” self image build up. Anyway, here's the new Script Girl report! This week her boobs are wearing oversized sunglasses!
My wife saw her on tv and said she was cute by Simpsonian	Apr 10th, 2009 03:29:45 PM
and since my wife is bisexual, it really turned me on. Is that bad?
Again, why is aicn reviewing this movie? by andyny29	Apr 10th, 2009 03:40:27 PM

WTF. NO INTERVIEW WITH HANNAH MONTANA?? by alice 13	Apr 10th, 2009 03:40:29 PM
wtf.
"harmless crap your little girls will love!" by fiester	Apr 10th, 2009 03:44:34 PM
So basically Harry loves this then, yes?
Massawyrm by XxSoulFlyxX	Apr 10th, 2009 04:02:41 PM
sounds like you have a bit too much jealousy of Mr. Soulpatch, mullet headed, ex-superstar. That wasn't a review at all. You did take potshots, just review like a reviewer is suppose to do.
I'm amazed Herc didn't review this. by Pops Freshemeyer	Apr 10th, 2009 04:06:30 PM
Seems like he's the right demographic for a Hannah Montana flick...
I'm going to watch this... by Hasselhoffflying	Apr 10th, 2009 05:44:45 PM
from the back row and spooge all over the floor...is that legal?
"almost zero entertainment value by Muki	Apr 10th, 2009 06:50:49 PM
for anyone over the age of 13" To be fair the same could also be said about Star Trek, Transformers, Wolverine...in fact most summer releases of the last 5 years with the possible exception of The Dark Knight. At least Hannah Montana: The Movie is honest about it.
Since when did AintItCoolNews... by GrandMuffTarkin	Apr 10th, 2009 07:38:44 PM
...become Seventeen Magazine? Look, I have a kid too, and I know my life's going to dominated by kid-related shit soon enough. But not here. At least I had hoped not.
Yeah, I saw it today.. by Ironmuskrat	Apr 10th, 2009 08:09:51 PM
But I was with my Wife and 10 year old daughter, so its cool right? Actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong, it is basically a 90 minute long Hannan Montanna TV episode. No plot to speak of, just lots and lot of Miley Cyrus singing, dancing and chasing the new farmhand around. The girls in the audience ate it all up, laughing, cheering, crying(yes, crying)and even an round of applause as the credits rolled. So if you have a kid that a Miley Cryus fan, this is sure to please and if your a parent getting dragged along for the ride, it's probably not the worse 90 minutes you have ever spent at the theater. One interesting thing I notice was Miley Cyrus seems to be leaning towards a Taylor Swift(who makes a cameo in the movie) style country crossover singing style and not following Britany Spears's Tramp-O-Rama pop style.
wholesome jackoffable entertainment.. by nolan bautista	Apr 10th, 2009 08:14:49 PM
buy your popcorn w/ extra butter for lubrication..catch an early afternoon screening (or a packed house if you want to use some of Hannahs fans for material) and whack away..
Celebrity Sighting! by DarthChimay	Apr 10th, 2009 08:53:51 PM
I saw Chris Hansen buying tickets for this movie! He was wearing an overcoat and shades and had a bottle of Jergens with him. I guess he just wants to keep clean.
Well Kudos to Darth Chimay by Cotton McKnight	Apr 10th, 2009 09:49:32 PM
I was thinking of a Chris Hansen joke all day to put on this discussion and you just went for it. It wasn't the best joke but I commend your pioneer spirit.
"with the possible exception of the Dark Knight". by Cotton McKnight	Apr 10th, 2009 09:52:11 PM
Yeah children just ate that movie up.
Mass - I Gotta Say by ThusSpakeSpymunk	Apr 11th, 2009 02:54:49 AM
It's fun, speaking as (looking both ways before I admit it) a fan of HM. Yeah, I am. I'm gay, so I guess it's ok 'cuz she's a Diva icon Lite or something. Nah, I just like the show. MY big gripe with the movie was how Oliver / Lily / Rico et al were relegated to NOTHING to do with the plot, and the tone of the tv series was abandoned for a faux-serious romance story with a wishy-washy new heartthrob, who, and I can't believe I'm saying this, lacked the character depth of her on-again off-again relationship with Jake Ryan. Oddly, I think it' my familiarity with the show and the characters that made it less enjoyable to me - I'd be curious to hear from other adults who are fans of the show if they felt the same way, since I think it's a parent like you who goes to see it with no expectations who will have the most fun.
Cory, you a busta by The Amazing G	Apr 11th, 2009 03:20:50 AM

By the time I was 13... by BurnHollywood	Apr 11th, 2009 04:24:53 AM
I'd seen JAWS, EXORCIST, MARATHON MAN, THREE DAYS OF THE CONDOR, both GODFATHERS, ANIMAL HOUSE and TAXI DRIVER. Didn't turn out a serial killer, Bank CEO or a middle-manager (shudder), so I consider my life a success. Fuck making excuses to feed your kids Disney-flavored excrement.
Lemmings don't throw themselves to their deaths Frankenb by Shan	Apr 11th, 2009 07:33:41 AM
Ironically enough, this urban legend came about because Disney faked lemmings committing suicide for one of their documentaries. By amongst other things, herding or throwing them off cliffs.
Good movie for kids. by teethgnasher	Apr 11th, 2009 08:00:00 AM
Now bring on Legend of the Seeker to the big screen.
Disney should take over by teethgnasher	Apr 11th, 2009 08:03:11 AM
the Shazam/Captain Marvel rights from DC. DC hasn't done shit with Captain Marvel. Hell, cast Miley Cyrus as Mary Marvel. It would be an upgrade. If the skirt fits.
Best looking Disney girl is that... by mrfan	Apr 11th, 2009 09:33:33 AM
redhead from That's So Raven. Talk about a fun time for mrfan.
I wanna crush Miley Cyrus' skull in by alienindisguise	Apr 11th, 2009 10:26:27 AM
Why the fuck are you even reviewing this bullshit!? That little cuntrag is the worst thing to happen to entertainment in forever.
The redhead from "That's So Raven" is 24 and... by Leafar the Lost	Apr 11th, 2009 11:46:27 AM
her real name is Anneliese Louise van der Pol, and she was born on September 23, 1984. She is a Dutch-American actress and singer. After an early career in musical theatre, she was cast as Chelsea Daniels in the Disney Channel Original Series "That's So Raven", a role that gained her renown among young audiences. Van der Pol also has a career as a singer and has recorded several songs for The Walt Disney Company. (Wikipedia) Plus, recent pictures of Anneliese reveal that she is smoking hot, and a million times more attractive than that fatty Raven.
Hmmm Shan... by Frankenbastard	Apr 11th, 2009 11:57:27 AM
Actually Shan that was Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom that did that to lemmings. But the analogy still fits with what Disney does for kids. Herds them into mediocre stupidity.
hypocrites by teethgnasher	Apr 11th, 2009 01:06:04 PM
You Disney bashers were the first to purchase that Disney Treasures Dr. Syn/Scarecrow DVD that came out a few months ago. Fuckers.
Makes me laugh, makes me sick by rogueleader66	Apr 11th, 2009 01:08:40 PM
Makes me laugh to see people who obviously don't have kids tell us who do what we are doing wrong, or how we mindlessly put our kids in front of the tv. Become a parent and then you can have a opinion that is valid. I, for one, don't use tv as a babysitter, in fact if the weather is nice, my kids and I are outside riding bikes, playing baseball or soccer or at the park, the only time my kids watch tv for any length of time is when it is a shitty day out and there is nothing else to do, and even then, they read, draw, play board games. I just get tired of hearing people say what mindless fools parents are, especially when they are not. Now what makes me sick, is seeing assholes who are counting down to when these teenage girls are going to be 18. Get the fuck out of your parents basement, wipe off the pimple cream and go get a life you fucking pedophiles. Bunch of sick fucks lusting after teenage girls.
Rogue.. by nolan bautista	Apr 11th, 2009 02:37:06 PM
..counting down?..why?
When is Hannah Montana: The 3D Porno coming out by OBESE_WAN_KENOBI	Apr 11th, 2009 02:42:58 PM
Just curious.
I just have one important question- by TheKappa	Apr 11th, 2009 03:48:40 PM
...Is there titty?
The Kappa by nolan bautista	Apr 11th, 2009 07:04:31 PM
..yes there is!! unfortunately its Billy Rays'..
You tell'em Rogue by Rand92	Apr 12th, 2009 01:58:14 AM
I love the talkbackers who bash this stuff. It is like trying to force your personality and perspective onto that of a young kid. Waste of time and you look like idiots. I was in line at the theater just last weekend and the kids in the family in front of me got excited for the poster for the Hannah Montana movie. You know something, parents who take their kids to this are NOT doing it because they are bad parents, they are NOT using the film or tv show as a babysitter. The kids LIKE this stuff and they drag their parents to see it. The parents do not want to see it. They do it because their kids want to see it and maybe a day out at the movies is a nice treat for them. Try to remember when you were a kid and you probably liked what was popular on TV just like most everyone else. You don't have to like Disney or Hannah Montana, but quit trying to say it is bad for kids or that kids don't know what they like. Let them alone. Let the parents alone.
I'd spray my ass blood on her any day. by MelGIbsonsAssBlood	Apr 12th, 2009 06:43:37 PM
she needs a good tea bagging
You know what's really funny? by dance4days	Apr 12th, 2009 09:36:18 PM
People hating on stuff like "Hannah Montana" because it's mindless escapism for kids. Yeah, guys, and Batman and Star Trek are high art. We all liked stupid stuff when we were kids, and most of us on this site like stupid stuff now.
THIS MADE BIG ASS MONEY AND THAT'S FINE WITH ME by FeralAngel	Apr 13th, 2009 04:41:09 PM
I agree with Massa that at least Hannah Montana is the anti-Bratz girl and there are farrrrrr worst things out there for young girls to latch onto, including real actual guys. So let 'em dream. And I congrat Disney on bringing back the musical for families (yeah this sure as hell ain't no Mary Poppins but it's gold in this age of brass).
Hopefully... by RedwingsHoolihan	Apr 13th, 2009 08:13:07 PM

Mulligan by RedwingsHoolihan	Apr 13th, 2009 08:18:28 PM
Hopefully Disney will use the "Harmless crap your little girls will love" quote on the DVD box.

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Massawyrm says HANNAH MONTANA is harmless crap your little girls will love!

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