Ain't It Cool News: The best in movie, TV, DVD, and comic book news.

Massawyrm takes a pickaxe to MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D!!

I don't know... by wampa 1	Jan 13th, 2009 10:23:12 AM
...but it sure smells good!
Sounds About Right... by symon	Jan 13th, 2009 10:30:48 AM
I was skeptical of those BNAT reviews. This sounds more like what I expected - crap. I swear I'm jealous every year that I don't get to go to BNAT, but the reviews that come out of it tend to be waaaaaay generous. In that atmosphere, sure a 3D piece of crap would be fun. But in a real theater where you just paid real money? Not so much...
3D naked broads you say? by lostboytexass	Jan 13th, 2009 10:32:02 AM
Thats worth about $10
I do... Don't Fucking see it. by Bill Brasky	Jan 13th, 2009 10:33:01 AM
Here's to Bill Brasky!
Can't be worse than Scar 3D. by Knuckleduster	Jan 13th, 2009 10:34:19 AM
That movie feels like it was made by first-year film school fuck-ups.
Come on! I just want to see a movie! by Dataset	Jan 13th, 2009 10:36:49 AM
I know it's the middle of January, but it seems like I've been locked out of the theater. And I live in a town with TWO Angelika's! I've been up for a movie for a week now, and nothing's any good. And I'm NOT seeing Last Chance Harvey. And what's next week? Donkey Punch? Inkheart? Fuck. I'll have to see fuckin' Inkheart...
4 foot wide 3D quim. by jpdisco	Jan 13th, 2009 10:40:54 AM
Well, we've all been there....
This film is review-proof. by Shepard Wong	Jan 13th, 2009 10:45:07 AM
If you are at all interested in seeing it, you have to see it in 3D at the theater. Am I a little disapointed that this likely won't be as good as I hoped, sure. Am I going to go see it anyway, yup. Blood and boobs in 3D. I'm there.
You had me at by TylerDurden3395	Jan 13th, 2009 10:47:27 AM
3-D naked women walking around for four minutes. My local theater doesn't have this in 3-D so I have to drive 90 minutes to see this in 3-D. I don't care. A man will do a lot for 3-D boobies.
they cheated huh? by BigDude	Jan 13th, 2009 10:53:26 AM
At least they don't use the word "quim".
What's a "quim"? by Kirbymanly	Jan 13th, 2009 10:55:02 AM
Or am I a better person for not knowing?
I enjoyed it at BNAT at 4 in the morning by Garbageman33	Jan 13th, 2009 10:59:13 AM
But I can't see paying 10 bucks to see it.
I'd love to see Carpenter's "The Thing" in 3D... by AdrianVeidt	Jan 13th, 2009 11:02:48 AM
The first time that head explodes... remarkable.
This is the kind of movie that makes you wish by TylerDurden3395	Jan 13th, 2009 11:03:13 AM
Joe Bob Briggs was still reviewing movies. I can hear it now. 26 dead bodies. Pick Axe to the Head. Pick Axe to the Jaw. 4 breasts, but since they're in 3-D they count three times as much. Kung Fu. Miner Cap Fu. Pick Axe Fu. Four Stars!
Quim is my favorite by Saint Andeol	Jan 13th, 2009 11:09:35 AM
euphamism for lady parts. Second is cunny. Third is roast beef sandwich. Also, this movie looks lame.
Hey Massawyrm, if 3-D wasn't enough, should anyone into 3-D see by NivekJ	Jan 13th, 2009 11:11:34 AM
'Nuff said.
Inventive killing? by pearlanddean	Jan 13th, 2009 11:11:54 AM
How about Intruder? It put me off working nights in a supermarket for good. Oh and Kirbymanly, a Quim is better known as a minge, beef curtains or 'ladygarden'.
(con't) should anyone into 3-D see it or just ignore it? by NivekJ	Jan 13th, 2009 11:12:20 AM
Also, 'nuff said.
Please tell me My Bloody Valentine isnt on the sndtrck by Baron Karza	Jan 13th, 2009 11:14:52 AM
They are better than that..
I respectfully disagree. by The Reluctant Austinite	Jan 13th, 2009 11:25:36 AM
Massawyrm is a cool guy. I bump into him every time I'm in Texas, and wish I'd had more time to jabber about film with him, but this time his review is a little on the grumpy side. Outside the Alamo last month he expressed his loathing of this film. This movie isn't pretending to be anything other than what it is; a William Castle styled 3-D gimmick. This is a guy who also HATED "The Mist," one of my favorite horror films last year, so it's likely we wouldn't see eye-to-eye in this genre. And what kind of horror fan writes a review of a horror film starring Tom Atkins and fails to even mention that Tom Atkins is in it? Horror fans, like myself, can be forgiving of much when the film-maker takes the gloves off and delivers pure exploitation, and that's what you get here. It's not rocket science. So decide for yourself if that sounds like your idea of a good time.
Good-Review! by laraz	Jan 13th, 2009 11:30:46 AM
Thank god someone has some fucking taste on this website! Better than that fuck-off Capone! Who says this film is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooo-great ! Like i said anyone who would find this movie in any shape or form good, is a loser! That eats shit for lunch and dinner!
You had me at 3D naked girls... by 3D-Man	Jan 13th, 2009 11:31:12 AM
I'll definitely see this. I am 3D-Man, after all.
Here's the note Jaime King should've given him by Garbageman33	Jan 13th, 2009 11:42:14 AM
"Let me get naked in this. And then, let me do a lesbian scene with Megan Boone. Please?"
Fact: ALL remakes suck by Sithdan	Jan 13th, 2009 11:44:18 AM
End of story.
Who's the slag in the commercial by Jor-El23	Jan 13th, 2009 11:47:35 AM
at the end of the commercial that says "It's kind of kinky in a sick kind of way"? She looks like a fucking skank, her voice is grating and the dialogue is for shit.
Look at the ads for this... by skimn	Jan 13th, 2009 11:48:44 AM
It is same horny teenage audience that the original '80s slasher flicks were designed for. To seperate the "young-dum-and-filled-with-cum " with their weekly allowance, and get a chance to have BettyLou shriek and grab your arm, and maybe later on after a doobie on the way home... I'll agree with the poster that said this is review proof.
I never listen to angry reviews. by TheContinentalOp	Jan 13th, 2009 11:55:25 AM

Sithdan by toshiro-solo	Jan 13th, 2009 11:55:47 AM
Sure, you're just trolling, but - I'll feed the troll: The Thing (1982) The Fly (1986) Traffic (2000) There ARE too many remakes coming out right now, but - remakes CAN
Damn enter key... by toshiro-solo	Jan 13th, 2009 11:56:18 AM
CAN be good. They're just MOSTLY crap.
It IS a grumpy review by BigDude	Jan 13th, 2009 12:09:37 PM
Any time I read a review by Mass, who whorships at the alter of Seagal, I always try and consider his taste. I mean, you always do when you read a reviewer regularly. I wasn't surprised he didn't like this, he wants Seagal to step in with his chub, and his geetar and shoot some people while sliding on oil, or spinning around on unicycle with Uzi's. Then he'd fuckin' love it!
Nothing wrong with this movie. by Gilkuliehe	Jan 13th, 2009 12:16:27 PM
As far as arguments go, man. I kept thinking "I want to see that" "Hey, sounds like fun" and "I sure shit want to see THAT!". Yup, 3D, blood, guts and T&A does it for me.
Joe Bob Briggs..pick ax fu.. by skimn	Jan 13th, 2009 12:19:12 PM
Thanks Tyler, I have an old book of reviews from the good 'ol boy. Haven't thought of him in a while.
BUT 3D BEWBZ? by dr sauch	Jan 13th, 2009 12:20:42 PM

nostalgia by Titus05	Jan 13th, 2009 12:47:26 PM
anyone remember Friday The 13th Part 3 in 3-D?
Don't listen to this clown. by Some Dude	Jan 13th, 2009 01:02:44 PM
The movie rules. It is junk-food horror, but it is done well.
whole or part 3d??? by karmakitten13	Jan 13th, 2009 01:04:54 PM
do we know if the whole movie is in 3d or just a few scenes the way superman returns was?
This isn't a review, It's a rant. by lalalandlovechild	Jan 13th, 2009 01:09:03 PM
Gee, Mass, how do you really feel? Sorry to burst your teen splatter-love bubble. Terrible review. I saw it at BNAT and enjoyed the hell out of it. Seemed most of the rest of the place did, too.
a quim is a pussyfart by ironic_name	Jan 13th, 2009 01:13:26 PM

Quim by Spamgelus	Jan 13th, 2009 01:17:14 PM
No, a queef (or quiff) is a pussyfart. A quim is a vagina.
Quim has a long and honorable heritage by xevoid	Jan 13th, 2009 01:22:43 PM
It's been around since at least the 19th century. 1922, James Joyce, Ulysses, page 938: "Ho! What do I here behold? Were you brushing the cobwebs off a few quims?" Although I would have though the plural of quim is quim.
To everyone saying they'll watch it for the nakeds: by bornofdust	Jan 13th, 2009 01:41:06 PM
I think you have this delusion in your mind that you'll walk in the theater, watch 4 minutes of boobs and walk out again. Don't forget that these 4 minutes have got many many more minutes of vapid stupidity stuck on each end. If you want 3D boobs, go to a strip club.
Massawyrm's review is 100% accurate by Continentalop	Jan 13th, 2009 02:00:21 PM
I was at the premier, and I will say pretty much ever complaint Massa had, I did as well. In fact, I think I had a couple of more complaints to add. One of my biggest problems with it was if you are going to go take the cheesy, let's-not-take-this-serious-ro ute, than go all out. I mean, yes they had a girl run around naked for 4 minutes but even that felt like a missed opportunity. And on top of that, her character was the only one who had any character. Once you killed her, there was no one, and I mean no one, worth following around. Not even Jamie King or the great Tom Atkins (well Mr. Atkins has a couple of moments). On the positive side I did meet Tom Atkins at the Premier. Real nice guy. And even if the movie isn't that good it is nice to see him working.
Definition of Quim by Continentalop	Jan 13th, 2009 02:07:16 PM
Noun quim (plural quims) (vulgar) The vagina. 1879, Anonymous, "The Wanton Lass" in The Pearl No. 1: For one day, when amusing herself with this whim, / The carrot it snapped, and part stuck in her quim. 1922, James Joyce, Ulysses, page 938 : Ho! What do I here behold? Were you brushing the cobwebs off a few quims? 2005, Margaret Carter, Maiden Flights, page 131: Her quim grew wet, ready to welcome it.
Ummm...BigDude...? by Massawyrm 1	Jan 13th, 2009 02:07:17 PM
I think you have me confused with VERN. He's the guy that likes Seagal.
Joyce also talks about "The Rusty Trombone" in Ulysses by Rickey Henderson	Jan 13th, 2009 02:18:59 PM
True story. How the fuck did we land on this subject?
Ian Fleming also used the term in Quim of Solace by TylerDurden3395	Jan 13th, 2009 02:29:43 PM

#1 Movie at the Box Office... by Frank Black	Jan 13th, 2009 02:29:57 PM
Mark, my words and it will also be #1 due to the 6 people I am seeing it with. Every other early review has noted how much fun it is, and I haven't had fun at the movies in awhile. America loves 3D and they love horror, and this has both and 3D nudity! It is a win, win, win!!!
I SOOOOO hope they make SAW 75 in 3D! by The_joker	Jan 13th, 2009 02:36:52 PM
That would Raawwk!
The ending of the original really got to me.... by Stormwatcher	Jan 13th, 2009 02:40:28 PM
The whistling and laughing as he knows he can get away in the mine. Man that stuff really got to me.
"The cast was prettier..." by SlyAndTheFamilyStallone	Jan 13th, 2009 02:45:47 PM
Even with fake boobs and better hair products, I doubt any of the girls are better looking than the original's Lori Hallier. She's still hot.
Gentlemen, we appear to be juggling... by BiggusDickus	Jan 13th, 2009 02:50:45 PM
..James Joyce's 'Ulysses' and cheapo 3D slasher film remakes. Now that's what I call an eclectic talkback!
I'd see it if Tom Atkins used the line: by SlyAndTheFamilyStallone	Jan 13th, 2009 02:52:06 PM
"It's Miller Time!"
...its a 3D slasher flick. I doubt ppl will be going for it for by Mike_D	Jan 13th, 2009 03:16:47 PM
Sorry to say. At least I can say I want to see a severed head flying at me.
(cont) nobody will be seeing this for the story, but for the gor by Mike_D	Jan 13th, 2009 03:17:24 PM
3D gore!
Sithdan by DarthCorleone	Jan 13th, 2009 03:37:20 PM
Fact: ALL generalizations suck. (See what I did there?)
it ain't supposed to be Oscar bait by Quartermass-87	Jan 13th, 2009 03:40:17 PM
ITS A B MOVIE.....A B MOVIE!!! See not Th Wrestler or some other Oscar type film its a blood, guts, boobs flick...and in 3D it doesn't claim to be more. It ain't elves or trools or shit running around and geeks proclaim its all about some profound thing....its A HORROR flick. Umm I like story too but I know better than to pick apart a B movie for lack of story....I mean really? no story in a horror flick.....well fuck me sideways I can't believe it. I am a HORROR FAN....HARDCORE and I love the classics...Halloween (and I say just Halloween with no need to say the original cause what the hell else would I mean)....The Thing.....and The Exorcist. I know good and bad and sometimes bad can be fun and enjoyable. I would rather R rated so-so horror than PG-13 crap. Anyway look it may not be the greatest flick ever....but the 3D should make it fun and the gore and boobs should be fun....leave your brain at the door.
QUIMPOSSIBLE by turketron	Jan 13th, 2009 03:50:23 PM
Awesome name for a large-insertions adult flick, am I right? I will be seeing this movie... never seen a 3D horror movie, especially a really gory one. I've even got a quimholder who has expressed interest in seeing it... and hell, I watched Mirrors over the weekend and survived that!
MBV3D trying to fuck your eyeballs in 2009 by dirtsandwich	Jan 13th, 2009 03:53:38 PM
It's cool that these movies try to jump on the band wagon, but you actually need a story and have something to say. But 3D titties are nice.
There must be a good market out there by Larry of Arabia	Jan 13th, 2009 03:54:04 PM
for 3D horror. My mom saw the original 13 Ghosts in 3D and said that, for the time, it was very effective. Castle had a genuinely unique way to use 3D technology in service of the film. Something akin to what they did there instead of yet another body part flying at you through the screen.
Demanding too much from a Horror remake, Massa by SoylentMean	Jan 13th, 2009 03:57:45 PM
I'm going to see this in 3-D and hopefully be entertained, but I have no expectations other than that. That's usually how I go into Horror movies anyways, and it helps with the level of frustration. It has to be better than the Saw films, right?
Fuck You I'm Going To See It by Broseph	Jan 13th, 2009 04:01:21 PM

A Quim Martin Production by cookylamoo	Jan 13th, 2009 04:02:49 PM

Harry should review all the movies on AICN. by bioforge	Jan 13th, 2009 04:07:21 PM
So all of our favourite movies no matter how shite end up getting a positive review with full of excuses. Then there will be no angry TBers left. We all just give each other bj's and pretend to be one big family who "gets it".
Where's Vern's Review? by rhett beavers	Jan 13th, 2009 04:23:39 PM
He was born to review this.
to TylerDurden3395 by lsrdsc	Jan 13th, 2009 05:04:59 PM
"My local theater doesn't have this in 3-D so I have to drive 90 minutes to see this in 3-D. I don't care. A man will do a lot for 3-D boobies." yes, most men would spend 90 minutes talking to a REAL girl to try and see her REAL 3D boobs. But, if driving to a theatre is easier for you to do.. good on ya.
this movie is like... by havocSchultz	Jan 13th, 2009 06:07:21 PM
paying for a hooker and practicing your craft so as to be ready for the true fucking...we all know Avatar is our one and only eyeball fucking significant other...but we don't want our eyeballs to let Avatar down...so we have to ease into it with 3D grue and minge...and I for one, welcome our new, naked, 3D overlords...
Joe Bob Briggs Is The Man by Broseph	Jan 13th, 2009 06:14:46 PM
Thanks To His Late night screening of the B-Horror Claasic Evil Toons I Discoverd The Wonderful World Of Masturbation Awe Memories.this movie will be a fun escape i know i'll enjoy it
the only good remakes... by darthwaz1	Jan 13th, 2009 06:17:00 PM
are the ones Carpenter did: The Thing and Village of the Damned
rob zombie raped my childhood! by darthwaz1	Jan 13th, 2009 06:38:43 PM
seriously, why do Lucas and Speilberg get all the hate? what Zombie did to Halloween is worse.
But does Dean die? by dead youngling	Jan 13th, 2009 07:14:51 PM
Sam'll be sad and pissed. But I think Sam is in the new Fri 13th flick so he def. dies. Guess they have to cancel Supernatural now.
Seeing MBV-3D Means You Are Not The Sharpest by Red Dawn Don	Jan 13th, 2009 08:44:42 PM
Seeing MBV-3D Means You Are Not The Sharpest Spoon In The Draw. (I mean knife.) I never understood taking a girl to see a slasher-type movie where the girls having sex are getting killed. The girl NOT having sex survives. Talk about locking down the old clam/quim for the night. Makes no sense to me. Wait these guys dont have quim with them. Wonder why?
I'm just seeing it for the 3D by Power_Girl	Jan 13th, 2009 10:03:05 PM
Hasn't been a great 3D film yet. Bolt was just generic, lifeless modern Disney kid feed.
Any film Massawrym hates is a must see for me by darthflagg	Jan 13th, 2009 10:17:06 PM
After his negative review of Burn After Reading, I automatically know I'll have a good time with any film he pans.
After his negative review of Burn After Reading, by Broseph	Jan 13th, 2009 10:23:51 PM
That says it all
Also saw it at BNAT... by Vegiterrorist	Jan 13th, 2009 11:15:00 PM
...and I'm a guy who's spent the last 12 years showing stupid horror movies on the big screen in Philly (www.exhumedfilms.com), so I'll somewhat immodestly claim to be a horror connoisseur. And I enjoyed this film. Was it stupid, poorly acted, and predictable? You bet. Does it also feature nifty 3-D gimmicks, old-school non-CGI (mostly) gore setpieces, and Tom Fucking Atkins? Absolutely. It aint genius, but it's not like the original film was either, and though I have a very fond place for that film in my...ahem...heart (and screened Valentine's weekend a year or two ago), I think this film could pretty much stand next to the first MBV. Which isn't saying much, necessarily, but I'm a sucker for any 3-D horror--from F13 3-D to Robot Monster. If that sounds like you, you'll probably enjoy the film. All this being said, I wouldn't recommend seeing the film without the 3-D. I think if I saw a flat print of MY BLOODY VALENTINE, I wouldn't have enjoyed it much at all. So take that for what it's worth...which probably isn't much.
JAWS 3D. by alice 13	Jan 14th, 2009 01:29:52 AM
holy ground.
lsrdsc by TylerDurden3395	Jan 14th, 2009 10:49:42 AM
Maybe I should have stated that my wife is going with me too. She wants to see 3-D boobies as much as I do. On our second date, we watched Burial Ground together and the scene where Peter Bark bit his mom's tit off, she loved every second of it.

Talkbacks

Massawyrm takes a pickaxe to MY BLOODY VALENTINE 3-D!!

User login

Quick Talkback

Talkbacks