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Presenting AICN's First Review Of DRAGONBALL...

How can a live action version of a really shitty anime be good? by SG7	Oct 26th, 2008 11:36:03 PM
Seriously? DBX is crap. Unless it's beeing roasted by Robot Chicken, then it is good.
Sounds like Shenron... by Admonisher	Oct 26th, 2008 11:37:10 PM
...is hanging out with Galactus. Yeah, that's lotsa fun.
SAY IT AIN'T SO JOE, DOGGONEIT! by StrokerX	Oct 26th, 2008 11:44:05 PM
Looks like this wont suck completely. Flying? 13 - 15 Minute fight? count me in...
I like James Marsters by liljuniorbrown	Oct 26th, 2008 11:45:06 PM
I did great on Angel/Buffy and looked even better on Smallville as Brainiac. Not really planning on seeing this movie but I have to admit this review creeped me the fuck out. I guess it's just a personal thing with me,but when anime geeks start speaking in there "anime talk" my stomach turns just a little.
Thumbs DOWN! >:( by TheGhostWhoLurks	Oct 26th, 2008 11:45:16 PM
Just on principle, alone...
And it's DBZ, not DBX!!! >:O by TheGhostWhoLurks	Oct 26th, 2008 11:46:46 PM

If they make a live-action NARUTO and ruin it... by TheGhostWhoLurks	Oct 26th, 2008 11:48:00 PM
Blood WILL flow.
Alright by Zeegloo	Oct 26th, 2008 11:48:02 PM
Still probably wont give a shit about it
Oh, yeah... I forgot... by TheGhostWhoLurks	Oct 26th, 2008 11:49:40 PM
PLANT!!! >:O This movie's crap. Quit wasting our time with fake "reviews."
6.5 = Hardly a plant by Zeegloo	Oct 26th, 2008 11:51:02 PM
Come on.
EMMY ROSSUM IS CUTE! by Earthquake WestCoast	Oct 26th, 2008 11:53:42 PM
I'm seeing this movie just for her. She looks great in it! Movie will probably be medicore, but....I don't care.
And since this guy was obviously 12... by Thrillho77	Oct 26th, 2008 11:56:50 PM
I'll venture a guess that pre-teens are the only ones that will be satisfied by this movie. I've never read the word "awesome" so many times in one piece of "writing." "The last action scene of Goku vs. Picollo are simply amazing and when picollo takes out his huge fucking ass sword with weird rectangle shape tablet attached it at the tip of sword and slamming it on goku was fucking awesome." I just sent that sentence to my Cryptographer buddy figure out what it meant. I'll report back.
Yeah, I'm in love with Emma Rossum by sonnyfern	Oct 26th, 2008 11:58:12 PM
She was freaking amazing in Phantom of the opera...
The 6.5 is simply to hide the Plantiness... by TheGhostWhoLurks	Oct 26th, 2008 11:58:41 PM
And he says at the outset that the movie was "unfinished" and "hoped" that Shenron would be improved when the movie comes out. Proclaiming "I'm a geek and love geeky films!" a first time reviewer, tons of cursing and hyping up as "AWESOME" a film that to everyone who's seen clips or stills looks like a big bucket of slimy poo = PLANT. >:(
It's better if you read it monotone by Thrillho77	Oct 27th, 2008 12:02:54 AM
Like Jay reading the e-mails back to the Movie Poop Shoot posters in JASBSB. "I fucking wish they would have made Roshi a fucking pervert..."
I had forgot WING COMMANDER, I want to forget again. by Stereotypical Evil Archer	Oct 27th, 2008 12:15:52 AM

You lost me at "his huge fucking ass sword" by Viewer 3	Oct 27th, 2008 12:17:53 AM
Internets.
Too detailed; must be a plant. by Stereotypical Evil Archer	Oct 27th, 2008 12:20:34 AM

Mentioned "sequel" total studio plant. by Stereotypical Evil Archer	Oct 27th, 2008 12:21:10 AM

My bad, it's a PRODUCTION COMPANY PLANT. by Stereotypical Evil Archer	Oct 27th, 2008 12:23:10 AM
Not a Fox plant.
But the word DRAGON is in the title by Adelai Niska	Oct 27th, 2008 12:24:37 AM
shouldnt this be renamed shadow ball?
Kamehameha wave, shenron, giant monkey, green piccolo, im there. by Mike_D	Oct 27th, 2008 12:25:35 AM
it has my ticket.
If this Anime Adaptation sucks will it set the tone for others? by Stereotypical Evil Archer	Oct 27th, 2008 12:25:42 AM
Robotech, Akira, Ninja Scroll, Cowboy Bebop. That's the limit to my Anime knowledge. Oh, and that Animatrix stuff.
sounds like a first-time plant by the milf lover	Oct 27th, 2008 12:26:34 AM
the review is positive overall but he's still saying a lot of negative things about the movie. Restraint to appear legit? Either way, very little besides the basic premise and character names have anything to do with the real Dragonball, another case of if they gave it a different name it would be better, like the american Godzilla.
SO.... by Shia LaBeoufs Uncle	Oct 27th, 2008 12:40:57 AM
The acting was terrible, the story was terrible, but if the Roshi character were perverted and the dragon were visible then the "reviewer" would have given it a 9?
I remember way-back when this was first announced.... by The Dum Guy	Oct 27th, 2008 12:42:36 AM
I mean way back in like the 90's. I still can't figure out how you could make a good live action movie from DBZ, or Dragonball for that matter.... unless you made a 12 hour long movie that had massive amounts of time showcasing a weird looking man in suit, grunting while a big ball of light kept getting bigger, until he threw it at another weird looking guy, and then proceeded to keep doing that over and over and over again. Or it just isn't possible.
Using a comparison to Wing Commander in a review. by Amy Chasing	Oct 27th, 2008 01:06:52 AM
Doesn't bode well for the reviewer or the reviewee.
It read like a plant...but wasn't that positive by s0nicdeathmonkey	Oct 27th, 2008 01:38:34 AM
So it might be a clever plant or a mediocre movie. I might go, but only if it turns out to be as big of a trainwreck as it looks.
ugh... no thank you by LargoJr	Oct 27th, 2008 01:59:10 AM
I'm a fan of the original Manga.. and HUGELY enjoyed the original Anime as was shown in Japan. That being said.. while Pioneer TRIED to make a good adaptation.. they were far too squeemish and made huge numbers of changes. Funimation just made things worse with terrible dialogue casting (4 people doing ALL the voices, voices simply not matching the characters.. etc), and video looping to replace missing footage that just irritates the living shit out of anyone who enjoyed the Japanese version. I have no desire to see this. Would rather get a collected Japanese release of the entire series on Bly-ray
the show is crap by Duke of Hurl	Oct 27th, 2008 02:27:52 AM
3 frame per second swill
PLAAAAAAAAAAANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 by Motoko Kusanagi	Oct 27th, 2008 02:35:41 AM
Planty McPlant has spoken.
"But, hey, light-greenish Picollo!" by IAmMrMonkey!	Oct 27th, 2008 02:58:43 AM
Funny Beaks, funny!
You know this movie is going to bad since by blindambition238	Oct 27th, 2008 03:05:08 AM
this review was either written by: a) A studio plant who knows this movie is so shit that a 6.5 out of ten is the most generous score he can give the film before diving off the edge of plausibility. or b) A mentally challenged 12 year old.
That was a really bad review by CZ	Oct 27th, 2008 03:05:14 AM
Hey, Thrillho77. Assuming this reviewer is an American, and considering the sorry state of our educational system, he could be as old as 20. That's arround the point they stopped any semblance of standards for spelling and grammar instruction. As for the movie, I await the horror and inevitable schadenfreude.
Don't you hate it by liljuniorbrown	Oct 27th, 2008 03:07:16 AM
When you mess up on a post? What I meant was I thought James Marsters did great on Angel,Buffy,and Smallville. But, after reading my post twice I'm still convinced that i did great on Buffy and Angel.What ever I did on those shows, it was awesome.
I didn't follow a word of that review by BadMrWonka	Oct 27th, 2008 03:19:52 AM
it was like it was written in Danish or something...what the hell is this movie? is it from a video game?
Wow is this gonna FLOP! by ShiftyEyedDog2	Oct 27th, 2008 03:25:24 AM
I can't think of a movie (except maybe the new street Fighter) that screams FLOP the way this one does. and like someone else mentioned, why even expect a movie to be good when it's based on totally shitty source material to start with?
AWESOME AWESOME IT WAS AWE by Rufferto	Oct 27th, 2008 03:44:51 AM
SOMMM. WOAAAAH. Woah! Awesome!
Pllllllaaaaant! by ELGordo	Oct 27th, 2008 03:54:55 AM
Never thought I'd say this but this has to be the plantiest plant this side of Plantwille.
Chow Yun Fat's in this crap???? by I_am_not_the_droid_you_are_looki ng_for	Oct 27th, 2008 04:49:26 AM
What has Hollywood done to you, Fatman?
I hate "texting kids" by OBSD	Oct 27th, 2008 06:05:40 AM
You know the ones. They use "ya" instead of "yeah" and "u" instead of "you" just to shave a precious second or two off of typing. And what do they do with all of that saved time? Why text more of course! Mark Bauerlein is right. Truly the dumbest generation.
6.5/10 ISN'T A "SOLID MOVIE" by Err	Oct 27th, 2008 06:19:37 AM

CLOUDACTUS = CLOUDRAGON??? by Err	Oct 27th, 2008 06:31:21 AM
Same?
I'll rent it by Spandau Belly	Oct 27th, 2008 07:12:19 AM
It doesn't look as good as DOA: Dead Or Alive, but it looks stupider, so at least it's achieved something. But no Eric Roberts means no seeing this in the cinemas.
I Saw a Bit of '92s Double Dragon Last Evening by Aquatarkusman	Oct 27th, 2008 08:17:41 AM
This seems about as fucking stupid, right?
bwahaha by freydis	Oct 27th, 2008 08:26:25 AM
definitely the first time I've seen a character named after women's underwear be referred to as a 'strong female role.' thanks for the review though. sadly, I will probably see this.
YOU HAD ME AT KAMEHAMEHA... by dr sauch	Oct 27th, 2008 08:26:30 AM
Can't wait for this. It will be utter shit, but I still can't wait!!
I'll definitely check this out by Mr Slippy Fist	Oct 27th, 2008 08:32:57 AM
Whether it is good or not because I am a glutton for punishment. However, the Oozaru is only 8 feet tall? WTF? Make that SoB about 50 ft tall in post-production.
negativity...glib remark...i hate movies by dr sauch	Oct 27th, 2008 08:33:18 AM
standard TB'er title.
did someone forget to water their by icen9ne	Oct 27th, 2008 09:00:49 AM
PLANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reshoots to start this week by Anna Valerious	Oct 27th, 2008 09:26:09 AM
So MAYBE they'll change some of the weak spots... BTW, I heard Jamie's not a very nice person to be around. I think celebrity's gone to her head.
We need a review by Neil Cummings!!! by Judge Briggs	Oct 27th, 2008 09:43:23 AM
Where are they?! GET HIM TO WRITE THE REVIEWS!
Neil by jamestewart007	Oct 27th, 2008 09:58:30 AM
I'd love to hear a review from him on this one!
this movie would've seemed lame to me... by vaudeville villain	Oct 27th, 2008 10:03:13 AM
even back when i was a 12 year-old kid who was really into all things dragonball. the fact that it showcases piccolo, sans the turban, cape and dark GREEN skin, would've been an automatic dealbreaker. beige, capeless, turbanless piccolo = flames on spidey's organic webshooter. with nipples...
Lame? Why make a movie at all? by Snake Foreskin	Oct 27th, 2008 10:18:47 AM
I know Spike gotta eat, but it was a shitty cartoon to begin with! Fuck this shit! Make more real action movies like from the 80's! You know, with people who can act! And real action scenes, not shit that looks as choreographed as the Nutcracker. Hey, that would make for a great action movie title! Nutcracker! Sweet! Get it? Nutcracker Suite? I'll go see it if Emmy Rossum gets naked though.
so, isnt the target market 8-12yr olds? by j2talk	Oct 27th, 2008 10:27:35 AM
I mean, this film wasnt even on my radar, and I've got no idea about the source material- i think i MIGHT- have flipped by DragonBall Z once on late night TV-but considering that (I assume anyway) the target audience is 8-12 yrs old- maybe the reviews should keep that in mind?
Sounds like a direct-to-DVDer by kafka07	Oct 27th, 2008 10:41:53 AM
I'll pass on this one
HUGE SPOILER HERE!!!! by TheWaqman	Oct 27th, 2008 11:08:51 AM
......the reviewer was 11 years old.
NO TIEN OR KRILLIN??? NOOOOOOO by polyh3dron	Oct 27th, 2008 11:10:12 AM
DO NOT WANT
Judge Briggs, don't you mean Neil Cumpston? by Stereotypical Evil Archer	Oct 27th, 2008 11:44:36 AM

oh great...the DBZ movie by fartedinthefaceofhollywood	Oct 27th, 2008 11:53:12 AM
scrreeewww this, DBZ is the most irritating one-trick pony of a animated show i've ever seen, every episode feels like deja-vu...its the same formula for virtually EVERY episode, yet this still has a very hardcore fanbase...albeit a little more underground these days, thankfully some of its popularity has dwindled not that a portion of its fans have actually GROWN UP a bit or at least enough to realize the lack of depth in their obsession.
Cloud? by WickedMonster	Oct 27th, 2008 11:54:53 AM
You meant FF4:RotSS not X3, right? Right?
Kids movie by Toonol	Oct 27th, 2008 12:27:09 PM
Keep in mind that this isn't made for 30 year discerning film snobs. This is made for the twelve-year old boys that run around the neighborhood with sticks pretending to swordfight each other. "I'm Goku" "Ok, I'll be Neo!"
Emmy Rossum by RobFromBackEast	Oct 27th, 2008 01:06:53 PM
Is beautiful. How is she bargain basement!? With all due respect, you're talking shit, Beaks.
true, toonol, however... by vaudeville villain	Oct 27th, 2008 01:15:30 PM
i don't subscribe to the theory that a kid's movie must necessarily be synonymous with mindnumbing dreck. contrary to the popular opinion expressed on this tb, i believe that given the source material, the parties involved could have made something appealing to the stick-wielding, twelve-year-old kiddies; as well as we twenty/thirty-year-old film snobs... or whomever.
Lukewarm Planting by GilbertRSmith	Oct 27th, 2008 01:33:54 PM
I think it's funny that plants have gotten to where they just want to generate lukewarm interest in shit movies. You can smell Dragonball from a mile away. "It's not quite the turd you think it is, just mostly shitty".
SG7 by brandon11	Oct 27th, 2008 01:38:22 PM
youre and idiot. dreagonball is fuckin legendary. robot chicken is a few guys with ADHD making terrible jokes. the only show on adult swim i absolutely hate. i turn it to the daily show instead on comedy central. dont talk about things youre too ignorant to understand.
this movie sounds terrible by brandon11	Oct 27th, 2008 01:40:03 PM
straight up not going to see it. maybe its rentable. ill wait and see.
Kids don't deserve bullshit movies by GilbertRSmith	Oct 27th, 2008 02:03:27 PM
Agreed, kids movies don't have to be complete horse shit. Look at Hayao Miyazaki, Monster House, Wall-E. I forget who it was, but some comedian pointed out that we treat kids like dogs when it comes to entertainment. "Don't throw that expired ham out, the dogs'll eat it" "Don't throw out that Dragonball Z movie, the kids'll watch it".
good point, gilbert by vaudeville villain	Oct 27th, 2008 02:34:30 PM
miyazaki's work stands strong alongside anyone's... live action or otherwise. now if hollywood ever tries to adapt any of his work into live action, hell will be paid. i don't know as of yet how i'll make them pay up, but they will, damnit...
Wait, is Dragonball still popular with American tweens? by The Dum Guy	Oct 27th, 2008 02:45:53 PM
I thought it stopped be popular 6 years ago. I don't think this is exactly aimed for kids... I'm kidding, all movies today are aimed for kids.
The real Dragonball (before the Z) is actually funny and full of by textual	Oct 27th, 2008 02:52:58 PM
You've got 16 year old Bulma's boobs or ass being flashed in every issue, Oolong the anthropomorphic shape shifting pig/attempted rapist, the bad ass desert bandit who shits himself wheneer he sees boobs and so forth.
but Miyazaki isnt working in Hollywood by the milf lover	Oct 27th, 2008 02:54:28 PM
so he's allowed to actually produce something of quality. In Hollywood, unless you're Pixar, it's rare that whatever you do isnt dumbed down by the studios, and when looking at box office results, you'd think they'd take a hint from Pixar and let the creative people do their thing with no interference.
Spandau by the milf lover	Oct 27th, 2008 02:59:15 PM
are you saying you actually saw the DOA movie in a theatre? I kept hearing they were pushing back the release date for more than a year, I didnt know they gave it a shot before dumping it on dvd. I saw it in stream eventually, it was crap, but funny at times thanks mostly to Kevin Nash, and the babes were hot.
SRSLY by GilbertRSmith	Oct 27th, 2008 03:06:53 PM
What studios aren't even thinking about is shelf life. Kids will be watching Wall-E with their parents twenty, thirty years from now. Chicken Little? A Shark Tale? Those were forgotten the minute they were plopped out. Miyazaki, likewise, will endure. Those DVDs will keep making money forever. It seems actually more sensible, financially, to make something good, to shell out for actually talented writers and animators. All producers see is the opening weekend ticket and toy sales, they don't care if the movie never makes any more money after that. If they ever adapt Miyazaki, I'm ready to strap on a suicide-bomber vest, and I don't even like anime very much. The dude draws like, 50% of every movie he makes all by himself.
I love this film... by Varakor	Oct 27th, 2008 03:41:26 PM
as much as i will be voting Palin/Mccain next week (no that was not a typo... snootchie bootchies). Seriously, I have a feeling this will be bad, but the geekiness in me is just drawn to this film.
Yuk by Magic01273	Oct 27th, 2008 04:10:23 PM
Horribly written plant review. Notice how the seemingly "balanced" list of positives and negatives actually focus the positives on those areas most likely to make the fanboys and casually interested people moist (ie. the "awesome" action scenes and the money shots everyone will want to see) and focus the negatives on crap like "underused characters" (ie. the kind of bollox most people won't give two shiny shits about) but then, just in case, they throw in a slightly-too-convenient hint in that more scenes will be added (pressumably to address these imperfections - in our subconcious - if not in reality) Its written like an adult - trying to write like a child. And anyone who says "6.5? can't be a plant"... read it again. The reviewer actually gives it this score - but then casually drops in that it would have been a 9 - were it not for a couple of flimsy gripes. I think in reality the pschology of the review is actually [not so subtely] suggesting its "almost a 9". I'd like to believe these fake reviews make it onto the site purely by accident and that the guys here at AICN genuinely don't realise these are plants - but a small part of me gets the feeling that there is at least some measure of collusion going on behind the scenes to make sure this crap is served up to the salivating masses. Saddening if it is true..
Plant reviews have to be modest when addressing a shit movie by GilbertRSmith	Oct 27th, 2008 05:05:13 PM
The best are the plant reviews that actually shit on the movie, but encourage going to it for the good parts. I work as a ghost writer/copy writer, and this kind of thing is exactly what I'd be asked to write if the client was trying to overcome some negative publicity.
This Movie Probably Deserves a 2.5 by mistergreen	Oct 27th, 2008 05:11:06 PM
It's clearly a plant.
Definitely a plant by drewlicious	Oct 27th, 2008 05:23:21 PM
And one that is well-versed in fanspeak. Too well-versed to be convincing.
total plant by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD	Oct 27th, 2008 06:16:25 PM
They know no one is gonna fucking believe a glowing review on this horse shit. So the studio is saying "Just talk about how good the action is! Kids love the action! They saw Transformers....action puts asses in seats!!"
"Say the kids will like it" by GilbertRSmith	Oct 27th, 2008 06:27:33 PM
"...And it even has some filthy sex jokes that will go over kid's heads to keep the adults interested"
Sex jokes by GilbertRSmith	Oct 27th, 2008 06:29:31 PM
By the way, my little sister actually gets all those prostitute and Cleveland steamer jokes in The Cat and the Hat. Wall-E managed to interest adults without alluding to gangbangs or excessive pubic hair, so no, those jokes are not appropriate for a kid's film.
is this true? by David Lazarus Long	Oct 27th, 2008 06:55:26 PM
yes, this man has no penis.
25 minutes spent dicking around at a school? by TOGSolid	Oct 27th, 2008 06:55:42 PM
How is that NOT typical Dragonball bullshit?
Not a plant. Just a fanboy by JonRD463	Oct 27th, 2008 07:05:42 PM
Pretty much sums it up. This is just some kid who dares not say an evil word about his beloved DBZ. The movie could be nothing but the main character saying "IT'S OVER NINE THOOOUUUSAND!" for 90 minutes and he'd probably go on about how supar fukkin awsume!!!111 it is
25 minutes of singing can fix that school scene by Mace Tofu	Oct 27th, 2008 09:34:35 PM
Trust me.
What's up with Fox Films? by pezduro	Oct 27th, 2008 10:44:40 PM
I was checking out the top 10 grossing films this year, Fox didn't have a single film on the list. What's the last good movie fox has produced and why hasn't anyone fired Tom Rothman?
I just got off the phone with Tom Rothman.... by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD	Oct 27th, 2008 10:58:55 PM
....he said every one of you can go fuck yourself. Seriously. Weird guy.
James Wong SAW director = Australian kick ass mofo by fisheater	Oct 28th, 2008 02:08:01 AM
Yes, live action is a fukn joke but respect for the director. Hope is still alive for Astroboy animation but nothin else
the milf lover by Spandau Belly	Oct 28th, 2008 07:34:11 AM
No, I didn't get to see DOA in cinemas. I wish I had. I don't even know if it was released theatrically here in Quebec. But I would definately make a more researched effort to go see a sequel in cinemas if they made one. They killed Eric Roberts in the first one, but if they got Michael Jai White or somebody to play the baddie in the next one I'd be there. I'd also like Scott Adkins in there somewhere.
I think it is a bad sign by Sparhawk38	Oct 28th, 2008 08:02:03 AM
when a plant low balls a movie because his mediocre yet better than expected review might entice someone to go to this train wreck. snap.
message to the studio- KNOW your audience by j2talk	Oct 28th, 2008 08:27:53 AM
dont overthink it, just give them what they already bought....You dont need to reinvent things...seriously, why do they think they need to mess with things-Not that i give Fuck about Drangonball- but with ANY adaptation, the studios seem to fuck things up...take the source material,use it as a blue print-shit if you are adapting a comic, you have a premade story board, hire a writer that knows the source material, hire a SCREENWRITER to adapt from the writers work and film....
"When the dragon spoke it was chilling" by choptop	Oct 28th, 2008 09:00:08 AM
AHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA aaaaaaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAAAAA
@ Choptop by Magic01273	Oct 28th, 2008 02:13:49 PM
EXACTLY! Hillarious. And on its own proves this is a plant. Noone who uses the word "awesome" that much then goes on to say something was "when the dragon spoke it was chilling".LOL. What a tool.
by Magic01273	Oct 28th, 2008 02:15:06 PM
Of course - I am still going to see this just in case it is, in fact "chilling"
SG7 go fuck yourself DBZ OWNS ASS by Proman1984	Oct 28th, 2008 04:56:49 PM
I might see this after all
Never seen DBZ - what's a fucking ass sword? by catlettuce4	Oct 29th, 2008 03:27:06 AM
A sword that fucks asses? (Ouch!) A Fuckin' sword made of ass? (R&D report: Ass has proven to be an inefficient construction material for melee weapons owing to low density and inability to hold a sharp edge) I ASSume this is one of the stranger elements of the anime. Still, James using a sword that fucks asses is in keeping with his role on Torchwood...
Vegeta! What does the scouter say... by Rei-Ginsei	Oct 29th, 2008 05:57:14 AM
...about his power level? It's over NINE THOUSAAAAAAAND! Oh, c'mon...somebody had to say it.

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Presenting AICN's First Review Of DRAGONBALL...

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