If there's ANY fucking justice in Hollywood, JCVD will save Jean Claude's career as an actor. But if there's not, we can only hope that someone like QT sees this fucking movie, and realises that Jean Claude is more deserving of a second chance than that stuck-in-a-closet $cientologi$t.

That's the kind of song people want to hear. That's the kind of song that truly saves people. It ain't got nothin' to do with believin' in God. It has to do with believin' in "John-Claude Van Damme"

He already has issues that limits his ability to function in a self efficient manner. That disorder affects his judgement, interaction, and communicational abilites.

OCD is part of that disease, and well for people who don't have it, they just can't understand. It's like sweating when your hot. Your'e going to sweat weather you want to or not. Now imagine something have a hold over you, and well that sort of reflects what the sweat is for this guy. Even if he doesn't want it anymore he can't shut it off. It will not leave him be.

Nonsense. If all you want is straight up news and info, there are dozens of sites (some possibly better than this one) to provide you with that. The personalities, proclivities, views, opinions and lives of Harry, Mori, et al are what makes this site what it is, and that's always been the case.

Fred!!!!

He had cancer, but the Doctor did not ask him or his wife for permsision to amputate his johnson! Imagine waking up to something like that!

Astropia sounds like fun.

You get the idea.

What a good day. I've completely avoided anything that even remotely resembles work, fixed the server so I can now get on the Z-drive AND Mrs. Jarv want's to go to the pub.

See, if I gave a toss about my job then I would think twice about the pub on a Monday.

But I don't so YIPEE!

I'm going to do some research instead.

With Jade Warrior at least, he had a great visual style. Im hoping for at least a bit of that with Sauna.

LTROI is excellent, but I think if we hype it too much, people are going to go in expecting the wrong thing. It's definitely a great movie, but some of it's greatness lies in aspects that probably don't translate well to mainstream audience appeal.

But I'd punish myself afterwards.

She shoves one in and Hemlich's herself on the edge of the table with her mouth clinched tight.

The air pressure has to go somewhere so...POP! The sausage flies over like a Titan missle to Hulce's awaiting pie hole.

I bet he looks like a baby bird, straining his mouth open and making eager squeaks and farts.

By the way that Competitive Girl Swimmers thing is up over at the asian horror site. I got through less than six minutes.

If I ever need a new talkback handle that is it!

Eager Squeaks and Farts...

Shit, I'm cracking myself up reading that and seeing Hulce straining against the table weaving his head back and forth, eyes bulging like in Total Recall.

And I can't install a host file because I don't have the power.

I have got TOP MEN on it, though.

Lying twat.

It's pointless nowadays- you have to get over the embarrassment of having to buy porn, and then when you've done that you then get home with your freshly purchased scud-mag to try to beef one out over some fucking article on the banking crisis.

You'd have more luck masturbating to Vanity Fair, frankly.

Is that some fool left it on the tube. Seriously, what sort of state is the world in when you can happily read Playboy on the tube without causing offence?

Unless reading about GM Crops and whether or not Bill Clinton is insane makes you splooge. In which case, good luck to you.

Even the Kentucky Derby article focused on the hats for fuck's sake!

Poor Equinas...

Danny, believe it or not I like my porn fresh out of the dishwasher clean. So although I haven't spackled the walls to a Playboy in years, that's the sort of spit shined T&A I like to wax poetic over.

Harry's wand makes its appearance at the end of the second act, so you have to sit through a lot of acting stuff before then. The acting stuff (especially Richard Griffiths) is good and that's saying a lot coming from my grouchy ass. However, the director immediately needs to address the peen issue. This is my issue: I could barely see that shit! It was dark as hell during his peen's scene. I wanted to shout, "Somebody! Turn on the fucking lights! I can't see his dick!" His peen even looked like it was ready to give the performance of a lifetime! From what I did see, it was standing straight up, eager to entertain us. Put a spotlight on it! The peen obviously wants to show us what it can do. When the light would hit it, I would see it getting all excited, thinking the moment its been waiting for finally arrived. That moment never came and neither did he. Overall, the peen is short and not showcased enough. It was ready, willing and able, but it never got the chance.

And don't even ask me if I got pictures of that shit! I was told that if the ushers catch you taking pictures, they will shame you in front of everyone by taking your cell phone away. I don't want to be known as the bitch who got caught taking pictures of Harry's peen. It's bad enough that I'm devoting an entire post to Harry Potter's cock! Yes, I'm desperate.

Oh and let me just briefly talk about Richard Griffiths' magnificent belly. I was probably mesmerized by his belly of wonder than I was by Harry's junk. I want to sit on top of Richard's belly and eat a peach. It's fucking amazing."

I just wonder what would have happened of Hermoine had shown up.

Uhhhhh....yeah.

From an interview with Parade Magazine.

Also, people go crazy for this kind of shit. Remember 300? Don't be daft man. Just because you don't like the idea doesn't mean it won't sell well.

And don't mistake my hypothesis on the general public for my own thoughts on the film. I am certainly intrigued, but still definitely skeptical. And yes, a robot or two would help. It always does.

8 out of 10

Mrs. Jarv saw it in the west end and was unimpressed. I refused to go, because I've seen Equus about 50 fucking times and don't ever want to see it again.

That's only taken 1 year.

I'm bombarding her work email with epic quotes from it.

Probably get Black Orpheus. I've got a feeling that they're doing it alphabetically

And Bride of Reanimator.

Why do so many great films start with the letter "B".

This is like AICN Sesame St:

"B" is for "Badass" or "Big Trouble in Little China" Can you name anything else that starts with "B"?

erm... "Blade Runner"?

Beetlejuice

Batman

Back to the Future

Brazil

Blues Brothers

Bonnie and Clyde

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

Bad Boys

Bringing up Baby

Blue Velvet

Blazing Saddles

yeuch. I need another letter

Maybe they aren't that shit.

Hilariously, if you drink enough of it, it will actually turn you orange.

When I was watching it last week it took me 10 minutes just to get past that scene.

I am lucky with Mrs. Jarv's taste (there is still some appaling bollox- Sliding Dooers, I'm looking at you- that she rates), but she has got a line not to be crossed.

In saw the line, measured where it was and then took a flying jump straight across it- apparantly Surf Nazi's must die is "Tasteless, useless shit". She is now sceptical of anything with Troma on the front.

I've re-evauated since then and am working up through the vanilla end of shite movies (Lep- because it has famous actors in it, Sword and Sorcery type rubbish because they are weirdly acceptable to her), before I spring the mighty Class of Nuke 'Em High 3: The Good, The Bad, and The Subhumanoid.

I reckon she will be mentally ready in about 1 year. It won't be before she stops describing Starship Troopers as "empty headed- Moronic shit".

Me thinks they won't be going far at all this year.

Starship Troopers a no go? That's unfortunate.

Pillow, I look forward to Alzheimer's. All these movies will be new again.

OK, new political TB a-brewin' and I'm prepared to go waist deep in the muck smiting idiot neocons.

It would be an endless loop of AoD for me. That would be pretty sweet.

I would say that the Chargers and Colts are still much better than the Steelers, as are the Jags, perhaps the Bills. The Steeler's 'O' line is horrid. And Ben has moves like Testerverde.

I think it was "Yo she-bitch" that did it,

I don't blame DocP from taking time away,

Having just said that about political TB's. Twat that I am.

I thought for sure that one would never get past.

Score.

I would think that would be an epic fail on the humor scale, though I could be wrong.

I feel the Mets will far surpass the Cubbies in this regard since the Cubs have always been deemed lovable losers. Plus Wrigley.

Maybe Citi field will change that. Though I think a more apt stadium name for the NY Mess would be AIG field. Fuckers.

The NFC will represented by a team in the East. Redskins are a scary team in that they still do not know how good they can be. I think it is still one or two years too early for them though. The G-Men are rock solid, and have confidence. Confidence carries teams. They will struggle in a few games, but I see them in the NFC championship game. Dallas, is high scoring, but has a porous defense. They may win a shootout, but are just as likely to get snuffed if the rely soley on Romo. The Eagles have a punishing defense, but McNabb gets hit very hard, and I do not think he will last the season. The Saints - well, I think they come out of the South. Not convinced about Bucs. The Panthers are a good team, but have been lucky.

The AFC - Chargers are starting to turn around. The Colts are done. Denver is a fraud. Jags are one dimensional. Bills are too young. Titans. Hmmm. That is intriguing. I can see them in the Championship game, against the Chargers.

I watched a bunch this weekend. In Bruges, which was at least as good as everyone here said (thanks for that); Doomsday, which was a terrible disappointment; Harold & Kumar 2, which was okay but not as good as the first; and Cloverfield, which was a lot better than I was expecting it to be.

Is everyone in the States okay? I hope no banks fell on anyone over the weekend.

Don't even get me started on how the right rails against socialism. They do realize that our public schools, our law enforcement, our transportation system and a ton of other stuff is all run by state and federal governments, right?

I resent the fact that we've nationalised 2 banks, 1 more had to be taken over even after it extracted more cash from it's shareholders and more are to come. It pisses me off.

What's hilarious though, the BBC worked out that if the $700billion (what a fucking obscene amount of money- that's over $2000 per man woman AND CHILD! in America. There's no way there is that many "sub-prime" mortgages) went through then $200m of it would have to go straight to HSBC and other British banks. How funny is that?

There was this prick on TV this morning saying the bailout isn't going to work because all the banks are doing is just sitting on the money, they aren't lending it on as they don't know where the next cash injection is coming from. Theiving scumbags.

And the fuckers have been padding their bank accounts for years- the bonus structure was obscene and is what has actually led to this mess. Not regulation, not socialism, but pure unfettered greed.

Fuck them all.

How much longer can society continue to function like this? Fuckers.

Not a penny less.

Otherwise it's impossible to explain this anger.

This question is going to fall on deaf ears, I reckon.

He he. Swank. You do not get enough opportunities to use the word 'swank' in a sentence that is not about that skinny actress. Also, how often do you get to put 'loose-cannon' 'orangutan' and 'cat burglar' together in one sentence? Not too often.

In conclusion, Dunston Checks In is the greatest film ever made.

Although, now that I have given it some thought, both together would probably be worth a go.

And I would totally be into a chubbier non-spray on tan Meagan Fox with eyebrows, minus the cursive BRIAN AUSTEN GREEN tattoo right about her muff that spells WHORE backwards.

Also for him to randomly sucker punch people, probe their pockets for money while they are knocked out and develop a nasty meth habit.

Once he gets to rehab, I want it court-ordered, so he feels resentment and often tries to buck the system time and time again.

Hilarity ensues.

I bet it is like fucking a bucket of coyote guts.

Rotting coyote guts with a hint of cod.

Clyde's attorney went with the angle that being undercover gave Clyde no clue that he was FBI agent, thus rendering the assualt of a agent a reach at best.

Judge didn't buy it.

Where's Jonah? I need to know how bad this thing is.

Nessie's babies were chasing people.

"They move in herds! They do move in herds!"

Good stuff.

Then it would get crispy and peel off the tattoo.

When a millionaire banker who could still come out of a financial meltdown somewhat rosy decides to jump in front of a train, how far behind are us peons?

Megan Fox doesn't need to change one bit. If she showed up at my door this weekend I'd buy a case of Gatorade and cover the entire house with plastic sheeting.

I call that progress.

You don't know where she has been.

That big bomb the Russians set off a long time ago.

It had more firepower than all off the gunpowder used in WW2.

Look it up and tell me Bay wouldn't want to get his hands on that thing.

Crabs love that shit (pun intended). It's sort of like potatoe chips for them or Crunch and Munch, depending on what you ate for dinner.

It flaky and gooey around the rim, as it provides enough sweat and kneeding to keep moist.

I'm one sheltered individual.

They were part of a youth group there on a retreat.

So I'm sure I was used as an example of Christian "How not to act" speech.

I can't explain my habit for streaking while drunk.

off to the pub now. Have fun.

Although they convinced me to wear a sock after about 10 minutes of nude mingling.

Damn, I used to get druuuunk.

Have you also noticed that getting liquered up and naked goes hand in hand with getting an ass kicking?

He said he was in a peacful slumber when a commotion woke him.

There I was in the hallway getting ready to pee.

He said my wife was saying "Go to the bathroom! Go now!"

He said that I gently put my arm around her, gave a loving kiss on her cheeck and said "Don't worry everything is going to be fine..." and with that I pissed and pissed right there in the hallway and went back to bed after cleaning it up with some towels.

He said he it was all the more funny because he didn't want us to know he was awake and had to hold back the laughter.

Weird for you not to at least make an appearence.

5..4..3..2..1...

I can see Baltimore PD pumping about four tasers into him and he just rips them out and attacks anyway.

He wakes up tomorrow and has no memory of any of it.

He would then raise up after the entire Capitol was wiped out and put his hand over his mouth and giggle.

If I get a good streak going, then I can post in waves, but it has been slow lately.

Regulars haven't been posting as often and I'm sure it has been work, vacation, etc..

Example: Jonah hasn't been here today and he usually comes up with a topic that we discuss and you and I usually turn into gross humor.

Also the political talkbacks are hard to ignore as great reading.

People go at each other.

That really doesn't happen anymore here.

No Eggsalad, no Lib Warrior anymore it seems.

The thing is, that is what a lot of people have been howling for, for quite a while. Now that it has come to pass - even if by accident, we can see the results are a less lively site.

I think that what Mori said about the new system coming online, and how it is prohibiting new users from signing up, or re-signing after the have been banned, is also contributing to the morer civil tone. Mori said that TB'ers are only roughly 300 regulars. If that is indeed true, then we are a rare breed.

So, I got relocated today, due to get this, asbestos in our building. Great stuff, and we had to move everything ourselves. And now Im in a room where it's unlikely you will be seeing as much of me anymore. I'll still be around, but to less frequency.

I'll probably be frequenting Z-Dive more actually, since I have actual things I work on.

I'll probably just try to get on at lunch, and respond to as mcuh as is possible. We will see.

And two weeks from now, the wife and I are headed on a cruise up through New England and Nova Scotia, so I might be MIA then as well, unless I get to bring the laptop.

Everclear? Ha! I use that stuff for MOUTHWASH!

And if you really miss Eggy:

I hope all your dogs and mothers die in horrible accidents while getting each other off, you limp silly stuffing geeks, you.

And now for the million dollar question.

Loch Ness Terror is a ton of fun as a crappy B-movie. Don't get me wrong it's terrible, but I had alot of fun with it. Use the HOD rule. Beer + LNT= fun. Even fermented Yoohoo might do the trick in this instance.

Chitty and Therewolf, I really want you guys to read my script over at Z-dive. It's just an intro. Take a look.

Sometimes it picks up at night when the late shift gets on, but here lately it has slowed quite a bit.

I think we could liven things up here, we just need to think of something. I used to love the rapid fire, stream of consciousness trails we would go off on.

You know to liven things up.

Or we can celebrate the fact that Danny and I can turn any topic into a gross-out contest.

1: Warwick Davis will have a sex tape with The Bates.

2: Lucas will apologize to Danny for Indy IV

3: It will be announced that a XXX B-Horror movie is taking place starring Pumkinhead and Joan from Mad Men.

And we will not be able to talk about it.

That would be the luck right there.

I swung open the fridge to grab the milk and NOTHING!

I was fresh out of milk! Fuck!!!

So The Bates' heard the commotion in the kitchen and came walking in.

She asked what was the matter and I told her I was out of milk.

So she lifted up her shirt and grabbed one of her pants leg-looking tits and gave it a white-knuckle squeeze.

Nothing came out but a pfft of dust and a centipede, so I was going to have to make do without.

That's when I got a bright idea and pulled down her pants.

With one squeeze of her sweet muff my glass was filled with what looked like a greenish milk.

Those cookies never tasted so good.

They mostly involve sex and running from creatures in slow motion.

But I did dream that the blonde chick from Slums of Beverly Hills was in the back of my car naked.

She was just sitting there with her heels on the edge of the seat opening and closing her legs.

I remember riding around and running errands with people and nobody said anything about her in the car.

I never fucked her, although I did get my pants down and started to, but kept getting interupted.

I can still see here sitting back there smiling and opening and closing those legs.

She never blinked at all either.

Of course Warwick Davis can still pop out and attack as well.

I would use some heavy gloves to milk that thing.

http://tinyurl.com/4fwsdt

Remember having a dream shortly after The Ring came out, and I was babysitting the little boy from the movie, and I only had one thing I had to do as a sitter and that was make sure he didnt watch the tape, but no sooner had the parents left then I walked in and the kid was watching the tape, and from then on it was me franticly trying to keep Samara/Sadako from killing him. At one point I put her in the time out corner for trying to drop a safe on his head. Needless to say these were my days of teaching special ed.

Two nights ago, I dreamed I had a second set of teeth in my mouth, one above the other. I could never discover a good use for them though, and they mostly seemed like a pain to brush.

Can you Imagine a smoking hot chick that had the power to turn people to stone if you looked at her?

She would be the ultimate weapon.

I bet the velociraptors and T-Rex are being genetically built as we speak.

This was a real dream. Swear to God.

and you were there...

and you...

and you, too!

Auntie Em, Auntie Em!!!

Hey, I've gotta go. Glad we got to talk again. Take care. See you soon!

That is *sniff*, if I can find the time any more. *sniff*

(shuffles over to Twitch report, frightened and alone)

Want to go home to bed, but stupid evil job has a deadline on Friday that if I miss it guaran-fucking-tees me my P45.

Want to go home. Sleep until midday, then indulge in my mother's patented flu remedy. Sleep. Watch Army of Darkness, Indulge more in patented flu remedy.

What I do not want to fucking do is sit in this fucking freezing office doing cunty data entry.

And why bring back Dunst? Didn't we have to endure enough of her "singing" last time?

For one very brief second I thought you were talking about getting a Para Ordance .45 semi-automatic pistol. Then I remembered you live in England and that Para Ordance changed their P code designators for pistols.

ALL OF THEM!

Man, how bored am I today? It's 10am and I'm already posting.

None of you can stop me.

I hate it so much I gave away my copy.

BRING ON THE SILVERWARE, BITCHES.

and if this double posted- I don't care. I'm to ill to worry about such trifles.

Fucking hell.

Also, I liked the bit with Bruce Campbell as an hilarious French sterotype. Funny stuff.

Also, I nicked just pillow talk's copy of Army Of Darkness. And I'm not even going to watch it! I'm going to give it to a tramp!

While I applaud your transatlantic condiment swiping ways, I may be fored to punish you if you keep defending that fetid load of tosh.

Chitty, what is it with the dreams where you are with a hot woman and you're about to get it on or in the middle of getting it on and there are constant interruptions that prevent you from finishing? I had my very first dream about triplets on the weekend only to be cut short, I kid you not, but gigantic monsters attacking the city. Freud must have written something about never being able to pop the cork in a dream.

I do agree with most people's criticisms of the film, but the one area I will stand firm on is the dance scene. That was fucking hilarious, and a brave move on Raimi's part to show Peter Parker as a full-on laughable asshole.

I also really like the action scenes in that one. Surely everyone enjoyed the bit with the crane and Spidey jumping around from various bits of falling debris? I thought that was cool as hell.

Since I have no interest in being right, I suppose I will just have to accept whatever punishment comes my way.

I just picked up Iron Man last night. I think I'll throw it in tonight...

Is there a Favreau/Downey commentary track on it? I imagine that could be pretty entertaining.

I believe it does have a commentary, but I'll let you know tomorrow.

Dull Knight?

First you declare your unbridled love for FF...now Spidey 3? Neither are bad in that hard sought after good way.

Iron Man was in-your-face entertainment, while The Dark Knight was more of a crime thriller that happened to have some costumed opponents.

I didn't think The Dark Knight was dull, but I can see if you went in looking for Iron Man-type action you could come to that opinion.

Pointless butler to explain to one of the main villains how he has to go and help spidey because his dad is a shitbag.

And, Frank, if that's all you're aiming at watch the other 2. Which I'm not nuts for but piss all over that abortion.

The dance number was not ballsy. It was hopelessly misguided, appalingly cringeworthy and really shows the lilmitations of their thinking. If the best they can do to show "evil" peter is to have him dance around like a cretin then, really, they may as well not bother.

Also, her daughter is named Bristol, which I like for obvious reasons. Do you suppose the daughter was conceived right here in my home city? I like to think she was. In fact, I'm having a pretty good time imagining Sarah Palin getting fucked on a Bristol park bench right now. A pretty good time, indeed.

Please. That film is easily dumber than Spider-Man 3. Also, more boring and pretentious. It's no different to Ang Lee's Hulk, but for some reason people hate that one (rightly so) but love this one.

I declare 'Emperor's New Clothes' on The Dark Knight.

P.S. Thanks for worrying, jpt, but it's okay. I reserve the right to have terrible taste and not ever apologise for it.

Imagine away...

Nothing is dumber than Spidey 3,

Also,Robert Downey Jnr > Christian Bale. Can you remember one notable Christian Bale scene from The Dark Knight? He was half asleep!

That's it.

Damn you.

Batman is just better funded. And a snappier dresser.

Although he lost some of my respect for trashing that gorgeous Lambo.

He should have gone to jail for that!

Damn me.

I think I know what he was going for, but it really didn't grab me like it should have.

Spider Man 3 had the cool crane scene with Gwen Stacy and the Campbell restaurant scene and that was it for me. Yes, SM has always been my favorite superhero so just seeing him swing around in a crappy movie makes me happy in my pants, but it was still a weak effort. I'd rather watch Transformers again and I hated that pile.

Two cups of coffee just ain't enough.

Also knees on the seat part of the bench and hands with white-knuckle grip on the back rest.

When done, just pull skirt back down, button up shirt and adjust glasses back to position.

Exchange business cards and gop for fish and chips.

But that's just me. I accept I am a snob about comics (I think they're mostly shit) and I don't think they have the substance to work as serious films. They should be turned into daffy, enjoyable slices of nonsense, and The Dark Knight was none of those things. It treated the source material as though a man who effectively has handles on the top of his head would stand any kind of chance in a fight.

Well, fuck that. Give me Iron Man any day of the week.

I'll be watching Hellboy 2 on Saturday, Franklin, so I'll give you my worthless opinion then.

It's good to have a hearty meal after a quality park bench rocking.

Anyhoo, I think if you're going to talk about nailin' Palin then it has to be down and dirty as possibly- My thought would be in a back alley behind an abortion clinic. Preferably with piss stains all over the place. Push her up against the bin they dispose of foetuses in, hike her skirt up, yank her knickers to one side and pound away- but make her say "I support a woman's right to choose as you blow in her hair"

I think if you're going to talk about nailin' Palin then it has to be down and dirty as possibly- My thought would be in a back alley behind an abortion clinic. Preferably with piss stains all over the place. Push her up against the bin they dispose of foetuses in, hike her skirt up, yank her knickers to one side and pound away- but make her say "I support a woman's right to choose" as you blow your load in her hair, and a solitary tramp forlonely masturbates in the background.

Which blows. Horribly blows. Just in case you'd forgotten.

Not the fish, though. That's all mine.

Also, I do not accept that I am a crazy person. Wrong, maybe, but who the fuck cares about being wrong now and then?

Nothing like a real life scenario of bastard juice taking effect to make her choose.

She then would have to make the call for keeping it or a little fetus ejecta.

Also when things are going dry, you can squeeze the grease from the bottom of the fish and chips paper to get things lubed up again after you eat.

Spidey 3 worse than Indy IV? Oh fuck that. I had fun for about 7 minutes in Indy IV. I had fun for about 45 minutes in Spidey 3. Not only that but Spidey films were never amazing cinema. 1 and 2 are fun....sure. But they aren't amazing. Indy on the other had was a masterpiece of a trilogy. What a fucking let down.

And The Dark Knight? Fucking masterpiece. The ferry scene showed incredibly humanity I never thought I'd get from Nolan. And Tiny Zeus is a God.

Believe in God if you want, that's fine. Believe in Jesus, too, he seems like he was probably a pretty cool guy. But creationism? Fuck.

It really upsets me that people with the potential to be elected to positions of power can display such willful ignorance.

I'd still fuck her, though.

Also when I would yell out as I came and stand up hard, with thighs tight and toes pointed, arching my back to make sure every inch of my cock was in there.

Damn, I'm getting an erection at work. Off to find the office slut and the empty second floor storage room.

Plus, have you ever spent any time with hardened criminal types? They would fuck over that other boat in an instant. Never mind doing it to save their own lives, they would do it for that day's fix money.

I can't explain it, but I was scared and also couldn't turn away.

Those little fingers, probing, curious little fingers....*shudders, while little drops of pee escape from piss hole and cause tiny spot on pants to go dark....*

Can not be assed.

I did a test the other day where they ask you a whole bunch of questions to find out what sort of job you're best suited for. Do you know what they recommended for me?

Scriptwriter!

For serious, that's what it said was my number one recommended occupation. Cool and all, but not too practical. I don't remember seeing any listings for screenwriting vacancies in the Evening Post.

Also, the test said I would be a good locksmith. Fuck knows where they got that one from.

There are probably similar tests on the web, though. I once took an online test that told me my ideal celebrity partner would be Christina Ricci.

Iron Man is fun. It's a neat little romp. But it won't have the staying power of other comic movies like Blade or X2.

Franklin, I could punch you in the maw for bringing up fish n chips. I won't be able to shake the desire for golden battered haddock and freshly cut fries all day. Damn you, sir.

Brick cost 475k....and it is 10 times the movie Memento is-- in scope, execution, and entertainment value.

Anyone else seen Mysterious Skin? Levitt is great in that one, but I think it's one of the most unpleasant films I've seen. Good in that it was well made and all that, but I was glad when it was over. Lots of rape in that one.

Good stuff.

I could eat fish and chipps for breakfast, lunch, dinner.

Wash it down with Fat Tire of course.

Sixteen minutes to go...

I liked Hustle & Flow a lot. I think BSM is by the same guy.

What's with the comparison anyway?

It's not too sharp though, so I can drink more than a few.

Red Stripe has enough taste and subtle flavor, that I can drink way past a couple of six packs.

It just cost a lot here. About $8 per six pack.

I went to the shop the other day and saw Ship Yard pumpkin beer.

I generally like the standard Ship Yard and thought maybe this would be alright.

Jesus Christ on a pony! It was bad. Very bad.

I got less than halfway through the beer and turned the bottle into an ashtray.

Gave one to a friend just to see if it was me and he took two sips and threw the beer into the trees behind my house.

Wife hated it too and my cat usually loves a little beer and also took one lap and walked away.

Please stay away from this beer.

I put malt vinegar on my fish and chips. Not sure if that's a Canadian thing or we inherited it from the Brits.

Newcastle is tough to beat. There are probably much better ales in England that are local, but until I'm back over there, Newcastle and Guinness are my go-to UK brews.

Somebody strap a Fat Tire to a pigeon and fling it my way. I want to be able to add my two cents.

Memento has all that good stuff; Brick has some cheap nods to film noir.

Easy to throw and very accurate, ecspecially with the top and doors off the Jeep.

We are griiling out and drinking beer and watching the debate Thursday (and a little football).

Red Stripe will be in attendance now.

See you all for more crap and whatnot tomorrow.

If I'm going to pay $8 for a sixer, I'll just go with the Sierra Nevada Anniversary Ale.

I like a beer with bite. I mean, I'll go with Corona frequently because they go down like water and don't bloat me up, but I like a beer that takes a sledgehammer to my tongue.

Of course it will be 46 degrees down here, so maybe whiskey too.

Wait, nevermind. I shouldn't drink whiskey and watch a political debate.

That would be bad.

A couple of weeks ago I went to a Uconn football game, and the theme of the tailgate was Mexican: chips, salsa, wraps, etc. What I ended up getting was corona in a fucking can. Has anyone seen this before? I was shocked I got get corona in a can. They were so small and cuddly.

I know the owner of the local beer store and he will let you grab different beer and make your own six-pack or 12-pack sampler.

So I can go different flavors AND different brands.

Maybe for the debate...two Red Stripes, three Sierra Nevedas, a raspberry wheat, four Harvest Moon pumpkin ales and two Guninness.

I could really go for a guinness or two during lunch.

I am quite disgusted at myself at the moment.

You just have to watch shoving the lime into the can, as you will get a nasty cut with burning lime juice mixed in.

However I would rather watch Shia Leprick recite Hamlet in swahili whilst holding Palin like a bowling ball (think about it), than one second of Spiderman 3 again.

That's where you come in a girls eye and then kick her left leg.....

hehehehehe

--------------

Given Bush's lame, nay DEAD duck status with his congressional constituency and his inability to rally support for the 700 billion dollar Wall Street bailout, his next best and only option is to return to the ample, crude-soaked bosom of his one TRUE constituency and the group which has profited most exponentially from his fiery f*cking debacle of a presidency: Big Oil.

Exxon alone posts a 40 billion dollar annual profit. So get all those wildcatters and Saudi shadow puppets together at the same poker table down in Crawford and ante the f*ck up. The era of the American-Taxpayer-As-Piggy-Ban k needs to be brought to an sudden, shuddering halt. If some poor bastard carrying two mortgages on a farm house in rural Kentucky and shouldering his share of the twelve billion a month being spent in Iraq can't get some relief, then why the hell should we give it to the golden parachutes at Goldman Sachs? Get F*cked is my only piece of advice for that lot. Welcome to a miserable, pre-Depression economy and a country that you helped bring to its knees. Pull up a chair, you're gonna be here for awhile. And this notion of needing this bailout to 'restart the economy' is like asking an arsonist to join the bucket brigade and douse the f*cking inferno that he helped light.

It's called 'Darwinism' some will survive, some will fall and we'll be stronger after.

Goddamit I'm mad. Feel free to vent boys and girls. If I'm off, then I'm waaaaaay off, because this plan makes perfect sense to me.

Until the beers realize that this is a violent dictator-driven goverment and I rip off their hats and drink their souls.

When I'm done with a bottle I raise it up and give a hearty roar!

Then chuck the bottle into the trees.

We're also watching it outside on the patio, so the added element of smoking will also attribute to a quicker buzz.

Maybe I should video the grill out, as it has potential to be a live-action TB.

Beer is the cause, and solution, to all of life's problems.

Beer is....good!

It comes to you all nice and sweet and the next morning you feel like you got into a fist fight with a chainsaw.

I even lined up babysitters for everyone that had kids.

I can't wait for the first argument to break through the censorship barrier of freindship.

You know how when you are good freinds with someone, there is sort of a reluctance of really getting at it?

That barrier will easily give way under the relentless pressure of alchohol and smokes.

After the first "Fuck You!" I will sit back and quietly mutter "Dance puppets, dance..."

Beer is always consistently there for you, through the good times and bad. Beer is like having a liquid doctor with you.

Is it just me or is it reeeeeeally slow in the movie news world lately?

Jarv, what's public opinion on Cameron, HBOS and Bradford? How you guys holding up?

HBOS is a fucking disgrace, especially seeing as they raised £4billion from their FUCKING SHAREHOLDERS last month, and they've still been swallowed by Lloyds, and Bradford and Bingly getting nationalised may actually cause revolution. We're fucking livid.

They didn't.

What followed was the most akward exchange of looks since Michael Richards was televised meeting with Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson.

They both quickly dropped the subject and talked about football instead.

I just took another swig of beer and leaned back in my chair in relief that I didn't have to break up a fight.

I have been eyeballing some Raspberry wheat beer, but thought it might be too sweet. I tried some Lindemanns Framboise, which looks like wine, it is very sweet. I agree whith Chitty about the Shipyard Pumpkin beer. It has a higher alcoholic content, but the taste is nothing to write home about.

Miliband.....DIRTY FUCKING LYING TWAT!!

Bradford......WRETCHED CUM DUMPSTER DISEASED TWAT!!

Brown......ROT IN FUCKING HELL YOU CUNT!!

Blair......FUCKING DIE YOU WRETCHED TWAT!!!!!

I still think all the insurance for player's arms and legs is still with them.

At least it was as of a few years ago.

Superficial, I know, but he's such a dirty, corrupt, incompetent, greedy, annoying, shitey, despicable, shitbag of a human being.

bastards.

They're not as bad as Ed Balls (that's his name) who I've got a great story about, but I can't put it here as it not only reveals Mrs. Jarv's identity, but the doss twats probably check.

Although he was standing lunch line one day and threw up all over a girl's head who was sitting down eating.

Good ole Real Balls.

Jonah-- you read Omelas right? We talked about that before.....I picture the poor pathetic creature scratching its genitals in the closet to look just like John McCain.

Sorry.

Vote Dickblood in 2008!