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Alexandra DuPont Deems MUMMY III Noisy, Charmless, Unfunny And Perhaps Devoid of Any Actual Mummies!!

Ouch! by Aloy	Jul 31st, 2008 03:24:13 AM
The trailer looked mildly fun...
Splendid review. Top work ma'am! by palimpsest	Jul 31st, 2008 03:27:33 AM
I mean, really. One day, all reviews will be written this way.
Thank you by BillEmic	Jul 31st, 2008 03:29:24 AM
You just saved me $8 on this stinker!
Very funny.... by TheBoyFromUlster	Jul 31st, 2008 03:35:56 AM
Loved that review, made me laugh on this grim Irish morning!!!! Cheers Alex...
But do check out pics of Michelle Yeoh at the premiere by BillEmic	Jul 31st, 2008 03:40:20 AM
She's simply gorgeous! There's a reason they cast her as an immortal...she doesn't look her age at all.
How did Alex age so fast and Rick doesn't? by Rev. Slappy	Jul 31st, 2008 03:43:10 AM
It doesn't make any sense.
0% on Tomatometer by Rupee88	Jul 31st, 2008 03:44:54 AM
I'm not kidding...check it out. Well at least people who pay their money to see this movie will get what they deserve. If you pay to see what is clearly a crappy movie, you are just rewarding the filmmakers and encouraging them to produce more crap. So glad to hear that most people will get punished for indirectly making this movie happen.
Sounds pish by Brody77	Jul 31st, 2008 03:51:30 AM
But on the other hand, I really enjoyed forbidden kingdom. I like The Mummy (apart from John Hannah and "bainbridge fucking scholars") and DESPISE The Mummy Returns - mainly for the crap CGI suckfest. The Rock/Scorpion thing is the worst CGI I have ever seen. EVER. Incidentally, John Hannah is a complete tool - I remember just after 4 Weddings he took over an entire restaurant in East Kilbride for him & (I think) his folks. He was being an arrogant prick and totally slated the town where he grew up. Arsehole. I was really choking for a curry that night you prick.
the FIRST Mummy movie by GavinVanDraven	Jul 31st, 2008 03:56:51 AM
should have been Indiana Jones and the Curse of the Mummy. $-) admit it, thats all the Mummy was, a knockoff of Indiana Jones. i recently watched the Mummy and mentally replaced Brendan Fraiser with Harrison Ford. (using my super imagination powers) change a few lines/scenes and the "tone" of the picture in a few places... and you have a perfect Dr. Jones flick. someone shoulda took this script to George and Steven first... because The Mummy was a bigger hit than the Crystal Skulls was, considering it didnt have the hype behind it. and this would have been a 10 years younger Ford playing in it. tell me i am wrong. i dare ya. replace Brendan with Harrison.... how would he do the lines differently.... his body language.... it works. and no Mummy 2 or 3, just the first one.
"relentless, artless, convoluted, noisy, charmless, and unfunny. by DocPazuzu	Jul 31st, 2008 04:26:46 AM
Like Indy 4, then?
Might check this out on DVD for the Yetis by kwisatzhaderach	Jul 31st, 2008 04:30:38 AM

Watch it beat Batman by JimboTHC	Jul 31st, 2008 04:39:09 AM
Watch, Americans eat this crap up. I hated the first two Mummy movies also. Nothing sucks more than noticeable CG.
jagga/DocPazuzu by kwisatzhaderach	Jul 31st, 2008 04:40:15 AM
Indy 4 still had great moments of filmmaking - the bike chase, the conquistadors corpses being destroyed by air, the doomtown sequence, Cate Blanchett surrounded by crazy ILM shit shouting "I vant to know!!!!!!!". Granted it had prairie dogs (the Paramount logo dissolve was a crime) and Shia swinging like Tarzan but it wasn't all bad.
You gotta wonder. by thedarklinglord	Jul 31st, 2008 04:41:36 AM
Do directors ever read these reviews and think, "Holy shit! They're right. Why didn't I see that?" And, if so, wouldn't they consider having an outside opinion or two check out their work before they unleash it on the rest of society? You know, the way a writer typically has an editor read their manuscript and point out the things that are confusing to follow or clearly don't work or need further tweaking? Though, in all fairness, a lot of the blame often falls on the studio, for being too controlling, too meddling, too pushy about getting their way as if they had the first clue about what makes a good movie. Just sad.
darklinglord by MrGaunt	Jul 31st, 2008 04:49:20 AM
I have often thought that but I think that when a director sells himself to get a job, then realises the script is terrible, then starts getting studio execs on his ass - its starts spiralling. No excuses for them - other, stronger more talented directors (Nolan) can manage. But by the time the movie tests screens the damage has been done.
Yeah, it'll take number one from Dark Knight. by greenstyle92	Jul 31st, 2008 05:05:44 AM
You can only watch the Joker fuck up Gotham then fuck up Aaron Eckhart so many times before the pallet demands a cleansing and one feels the need for something lighter, pulpier, and with a more overtly happy ending. Mummy 3 is perfectly poised for that, but it sounds like I'd be better off revisiting Mummy 1. true story, Mummy 1 was the first movie I took a date on in my whole life back during my middle school days, so I remember it fondly for that reason, (even if I didn't get any action.)
Didn't care for Crystal Skull, Alexandra? by greenstyle92	Jul 31st, 2008 05:09:26 AM
I've been curious regarding your take, so at least now I can tease it out between the lines. At least complaining that "its a movie that has it's characters tour around looking at stuff before a ufo fart bubble rises" is more original than invoking "nuked the fridge." (true story, "Nuked the Fridge"="Nipples on Batman" in that both are rather shallow observations about minor gripes in movies that have much larger and more systemic problems far more deserving of groan.)
And Alexandra, when are you going to update that bibliograhpy? by greenstyle92	Jul 31st, 2008 05:13:49 AM
If you keep linking to it, it should be updated and more complete. I shouldn't have to search Google for your Serenity/Episode 3 review, or your lambasted at the time but vindicated in hindsight reviews of the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels, or most recently these new slew of Dark Knight Xfiles and Mummy reviews... And any shot of a Clone Wars review? Lucasfilm is apparently not done make Star Wars prequels, and a Dupont review is sort of a tradition when one of those roles around...
ADP by DOGSOUP	Jul 31st, 2008 05:25:15 AM
Badass.
A bad 'Mummy' movie....! by Fortunesfool	Jul 31st, 2008 05:27:47 AM
Colour me 'unsurprised'
Nuked the fridge was a 3 minute gag disconnected from the story by greenstyle92	Jul 31st, 2008 05:35:05 AM
It was after the russian area 51 sequence and before the main narrative of the film really got started. It was just a gag, a set piece, that could have easily been cut from the movie without affecting any of the rest of the film. Let's say it were. Would you have liked the movie then? would the movie have been significantly improved? I doubt you or most fans would think so. You'd still be complaining about the other stuff, the characters, the plot, the pacing, the stuff that really pulled the movie down. and may I pull in my other example? lets say Batman and Robin did not have those nipples on those costumes, but the movie played exactly the same otherwise. would that change, even in the slightest, go toward making that movie better? No, because you'd still have Arnold's ice one liners and Poison Ivy's ridiculous line delivery and everything that was god awful about that film except you just wouldn't see those nipples. do you see what I'm getting at? The fandom has chosen these elements to be emblematic of all that was wrong about those films, but I don't think they even come near being the distillation of those gripes. So, yes. Crystal Skull has problems. And I'm stunned that it's "nuked the fridge" everyone glommed onto. (well, not that stunned. someone tried real hard to ram a new meme down our throat and a handful of fans were just stupid and sheepish enough to bite.)
well, whiny, people were hoping to use it as... by greenstyle92	Jul 31st, 2008 05:36:47 AM
the last nail in the coffin to Crystal Skull, if they could legitimately claim it was fun and engaging and better than that film. but it's not panning out that way.
kwisatzhaderach by DocPazuzu	Jul 31st, 2008 05:39:50 AM
No, it wasn't all bad, but that's just it -- discussing an Indy movie's merits shouldn't even have the phrase "it wasn't all bad" mentioned under any circumstances.
Ah, what's DuPont? by David Cloverfield	Jul 31st, 2008 05:41:34 AM
I know it's shit but I'll see it anyway. It has mummies (okay, clay soliders) dragons, yetis and a live action cartoon of a man (Fraser). Maybe I'll go after a few beers.
Is anyone surprised? by BenBraddock	Jul 31st, 2008 05:42:00 AM
"The Mummy" was pretty bad. "The Mummy Returns" was just hideous.. I wouldn't want to see this if I was paid.
The Mummy 3 sucks...really? by Redfive!	Jul 31st, 2008 05:49:54 AM
I bet its better then shia labuff swinging tarzan style with monkeys....Shit the rock at the end of Mummy 2 was better then that..DEATH TO SHIA LABUFF
Brody 77, that was a funny anecdote! by BenBraddock	Jul 31st, 2008 05:51:33 AM
Sorry you didn't get your curry. And you're right "The Scorpion King" has got to be the nadir of CGI in a major Hollywood release. Just fucking horrible, at some point I realised I wasn't watching a movie anymore but a cheap-ass computer-game. Pointless
Fuck me naked with a spoon... by Finding Forrestal	Jul 31st, 2008 05:58:40 AM
I can't say I'm surprised. I mean, we're talking about Rob Cohen here. Sigh... I'll probably see it anyway. I have a feeling I could get some enjoyment out of it on a Saturday afternoon with a blue raspberry ICEE and a bucket of popcorn.
Damn, Forrestal... by BillEmic	Jul 31st, 2008 06:08:35 AM
You just made me want a blue rasberry Icee really bad. I guess I'm going to have to wait till Pineapple Express to drag my ass to the theater. Nah, nevermind, I'll just see The Dark Knight again.
DuPont... by Finding Forrestal	Jul 31st, 2008 06:10:21 AM
How is the score? I'm not expecting Goldsmith or anything, but does it at least do justice to Silvestri? Or does Edelman fumble the baton completely?
GavinVanDraven... by beastie	Jul 31st, 2008 06:26:04 AM
I've been saying the same thing since I walked out of the theater in 1999. Anyway, I will probably see this movie because it is my kind of bad film. Some people will give a free pass to something like Fantasic 4 or Ghost Rider, for me it's adventure films (even the craptacular Indy 4).
ripping off Indiana Jones is a dumb thing to say by Rupee88	Jul 31st, 2008 06:30:17 AM
Indiana Jones films ripped off the movie serials from the past....you guys just think that everything begun when you were born...just dumb.
"This is currrrsedd. That is currssseeed". by Alfred_Packer	Jul 31st, 2008 06:32:50 AM
Watched 1 and 2 again on blu. That bit with the guy in the train car in TMR still cracks me up. "Your not happy without a good curse".
and this film will still be hugely profitable by Rupee88	Jul 31st, 2008 06:32:56 AM
that is the only reason they made it...they weren't trying to produce a good piece of art or entertainment....that would have been a nice side effect but nothing more. As long as there are dumb people to pay to see this, we will many more crappy films in the future...thanks guys.
of course it ripped off Indiana Jones by I Dunno	Jul 31st, 2008 06:52:16 AM
Just because Indy was based on old serials doesn't mean that without Indy there would have been a Mummy series or that it would be the same. Anyway, I can't believe no one's mentioned how utterly shitty those Yeti(s) look. What's the plural of Yeti, is it just Yeti like Jedi? Anyway, they look shockingly bad. Like 1997 bad. Of course the CGI in the Mummy films have always sucked.
...and you guys are way too hard on Indy 4 by I Dunno	Jul 31st, 2008 07:00:08 AM
Despite the overly obsessed over fridge scene and Shia LeBeowulf swinging through the trees (when swinging became unacceptable in an Indy film, I don't know), Indy 4 had nowhere near the goofy slapstick antics of Last Crusade. Hitler was the only character who had any dignity in that film, even though he spelled his own name wrong.
_Three!_ AdP! Reviews! Or four, if you count the... by JasonPratt	Jul 31st, 2008 07:28:29 AM
...micro-review of Indy 4. {g} Much happiness to see Alexandra back, gush, gush. Enjoy the bliss while we can, folks.
People hoping to use Mummy to dump on KOTCS by Arteska	Jul 31st, 2008 07:29:43 AM
better take this review to heart as it's very accurate. The same standards used by "fans" to flay Lucas and Spielberg for Indy applied to this thing back up everything ADP says above and more. A yak uses a barf bag on plane, CG yetis play football and give referee signals and the journey to Shangri La (a CGI vista that should make reflexive haters apoplectic) is shown to be about as difficult and time consuming as finding a Wal Mart. I also second ADP's evaluation of Bello. It's not Bello's fault at all really but not having Weisz back really shows how much she added to the previous entries. The production design and art direction are very good and the CG work is a step above the stuff that usually induces eye rolling. It's worth noting that a mostly non-fanboy audience I saw it with found the bits that might make geeks rush to the internet in misplaced rage amusing (perhaps out of habit but there you go). This movie is very much like its predecessors in an overall sense but also lacking in the ways ADP talks about. In no way though does this movie do anything to elevate itself above KOTCS and if the same criticisms are applied it suffers as much and worse. I know people have lazily been waiting and calculating to use this movie as another chance to trash Indy (and it will still happen even though the outlandish and silly meter in this movie buries measurements taken from KOTCS) but these takes will reveal more about these haters than either movie in my opinion. If you liked the others you will find this alright but missing Weisz. Cohen overall did a very nice job with the setting and in the end it's just like the other ones - no more but maybe a little less in some ways. I'd say see it if you like the others but don't use it to trash Indy - you would look silly for doing so.
YOU'RE NOT SENDING ME TO THE COOLAH by turketron	Jul 31st, 2008 08:01:09 AM
I just had to post an Arnie Mr. Freeze one-liner since someone above mentioned Batman & Robin above. Also... You know what killed the Dinosaurs? The ICE Age!
At first I WAS hoping Mummy 3 would deliver where Indy 4 had fai by Finding Forrestal	Jul 31st, 2008 08:17:55 AM
Now I'm hoping Mummy 3 makes Indy 4 look good by comparison. Sounds like it might.
...failed. by Finding Forrestal	Jul 31st, 2008 08:18:57 AM
Fucking bullshit.
So, every bit as assaultive and obnoxious as the first two films by Nasty In The Pasty	Jul 31st, 2008 08:21:01 AM
BIG surprise. Not even any Rachel Weisz hotness or Jerry Goldsmith/Alan Silvestri musical goodness to cut the cheese (ew). Fuck this movie.
HA! I TOLD YOU ALL! by Anna Valerious	Jul 31st, 2008 08:37:45 AM
Without Sommers and with the moron that almost ruined Richard Roxburgh's career and the idiots who can't even bother to do proper research unless it was based on a comic book, IT SUCKS. Sorry, but I'm totally looking forward to "G.I. JOE".
Well, I looked over by Thrillho77	Jul 31st, 2008 08:38:47 AM
and Kurt Russell was laughing, so they must have done something right.
turketron by David Cloverfield	Jul 31st, 2008 08:45:37 AM
Every time someone quotes Batman and Robin, I have to watch the movie. It's some obsessive compulsive shit. I think it may be the Batman movie I watched the most. I think it's the only one I actually own. I love that piece of shit movie.
greenstyle92 by rev_skarekroe	Jul 31st, 2008 08:58:06 AM
I think it's easier to say "nuked the fridge" than "didn't quite have the same panache as previous installments and didn't live up to my childhood expectations" or "nipples on Batman" than "attempts to update the camp aesthetic of the '60s Batman without understanding its ironic appeal rather than simply continuing the tradition of Burton's films".
Alexandra Dupont's reviews are worthless..... by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD	Jul 31st, 2008 09:09:56 AM
Talk about convoluted. Fuck me.
DGDB... by Finding Forrestal	Jul 31st, 2008 09:18:05 AM
Are you aware you were name-checked by Judd Apatow at Comic-Con?
Go to HELL, DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD by Sicuv Uyall	Jul 31st, 2008 09:22:00 AM
At least with The Mummy, I'd expect an Indiana Jones ripoff with too much CGI, just like the first 2. With Crystal Skull, that was the very last thing I expected. And guess what?... SURPRISE!!! I got a fucking Indiana Jones ripoff with too much CGI!!!! FUCK YOU LUCAS!! I WANT MY MONEY BACK SO I CAN WASTE IT ON THE MUMMY... AT LEAST JET LI IS IN IT!! Oh, and DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD, go to hell.
Indy 4 was DIRECTED BY STEVEN SPIELBERG by I Dunno	Jul 31st, 2008 09:33:11 AM
Why does no one acknowledge this? Lucas wrote the story. It was re-written twice and SPIELBERG FUCKING DIRECTED IT. So why does everyone shit on Lucas for everything wrong with the film?
More Alexandra DuPont reviews! by Reynard Muldrake	Jul 31st, 2008 09:35:59 AM
Please. I hope she's pretty regular now - they're informative without being spoilery for spoiler sake, their well formulated, they actually REVIEW the movie as a whole while also tying in its effect for the viewer (as opposed to other AICN writers who are all about what the movie did to them than what the movie IS), and oh yeah - her reviews are FUNNY as fuck. Everytime I see her name on a review now, even for a movie I have no interest in, I'm reading it...they're smart, witty, and Alexandra, are you single? But seriously, thanks for the great reads...
They should have... by Kid Z	Jul 31st, 2008 09:52:58 AM
...had Rick and the gang have to resurrect Imhotep and team up with him to take out the Dragon Emperor... and even then it still would've sucked. By the way..."At least it asks the characters to do more than walk around looking at stuff until a UFO rises out of the ground like a bath fart"... Hil-fuckin-larious!
greenstyle92 ... by Alexandra.DuPont	Jul 31st, 2008 10:14:22 AM
... I'll try and update the "DuPont Bibliography" this weekend. With any luck I can remember everything needs to be added since mid-2004.
so you liked it then... by Darth_Valinorean	Jul 31st, 2008 10:21:20 AM
.... I want more reviews from you. Way better than most of the garbage drivel that comes out here as reviews
Finding Forrestal by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD	Jul 31st, 2008 10:22:04 AM
Yes I am. And Judd Apatow can go fuck himself.
Sicuv Uyall by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD	Jul 31st, 2008 10:22:55 AM
I completely agree with you. The second I walked out of Indy IV, I said Mummy 3 will destroy this garbage.
HATRED by SpawnofAchilles	Jul 31st, 2008 10:28:58 AM
fuckin' hate Brendan Frasier with a passion, hate this francise, pretty much hate mummys (there zombies wrapped in TP, lame)hate garbage in your face CGI, fuck this movie just die
There's a great Indy 4 roundtable... by GelflingFucker	Jul 31st, 2008 10:43:44 AM
... at theoffline.com It goes through the ENTIRE thing and they point out why it sucks wet ass. http://www.theoffline.com/cont ent/audio/therewind/roundtable 01.mp3
loves yetis! by reckni	Jul 31st, 2008 11:01:07 AM
They're cooler than the Gypsies.
Alexandra Dupont kind of reminds me of the Mummy movies by Cotton McKnight	Jul 31st, 2008 11:06:46 AM
Noisy, charmless, and unfunny, and pops up every once in awhile for no other purpose than to irritate a mass audience. But the differences is, The Mummy movies seem to be aware of the fact that they are silly, and they don't take themselves too seriously. This woman, however, thinks she's Pauline Kael.. swooping down from the mountaintop to render her verdict for the masses. Oh yeah and she's a bitch, too.
Yeah I actually really enjoyed Mummy 2... But not 3. by Novaman5000	Jul 31st, 2008 11:08:04 AM
Mummy 3 just came across as soulless. Whereas Mummy 2 was loud and over the top, I got into it. I just couldn't get into this one. Alot's going on but I couldn't care about any of it. Also, Weiss is sorely missed... Bello plays her as a bit of an airhead and not the clumsy genius she's supposed to be.
Though, SHE DID ask for her kids permission. by Novaman5000	Jul 31st, 2008 11:12:55 AM
Did you not see the scene where she says to her daughter: "I need you to make one more sacrifice... your immortality" and the girl smiles cuz she just wants to be mortal so she can bang alex, anyway?
Novaman5000 ... by Alexandra.DuPont	Jul 31st, 2008 11:20:41 AM
... I totally don't remember that scene! I just remember Yeoh sacrificing her daughter's immortality while the daughter was tied up in a tent about a mile away, and thinking, "That was kind of inconsiderate." Color me corrected.
All of the Mummy movies were garbage by gringostar	Jul 31st, 2008 11:22:06 AM
And I am not including the spin off scorpion king... yikes. I'll take Indy 4 any day of the week over the Mummy series.
Good——I wasn't gonna see it anyway by Aeghast	Jul 31st, 2008 11:45:17 AM
Nice little review
"Oh yeah and she's a bitch, too."... by Kid Z	Jul 31st, 2008 11:45:38 AM
...Yeah but "bitches get things done." Besides, you know you'd tap that if you could.
by GelflingFucker	Jul 31st, 2008 11:46:14 AM
The Mummy movies are fun! Doesn't anyone know how to have fun anymore?
"almost ruined Richard Roxburgh's career" by DocPazuzu	Jul 31st, 2008 11:51:27 AM
What -- his shrill, histrionic, effete portrayal of Dracula, the worst in history, didn't do that? Seriously, Anna Valerious, it's time to end that permanent vacation of yours in the "Sommersverse".
If the Mummy films are fun... by m_reporter	Jul 31st, 2008 11:52:07 AM
... then I don't know what fun is. The firs two films are garbage, doubt the 3rd one will be any better. But then again, I did like Indy 4....
You guys secretly love Indy 4 by MattmanReturns	Jul 31st, 2008 12:01:15 PM
Otherwise you'd be able to shuttup about it for five seconds.
SOOOO Pretty much what Alex by Series7	Jul 31st, 2008 12:03:09 PM
Is saying is that this movie is perfect? As long as its bigger then 2. And since they got rid of Weisz, sounds like they got rid of all the problems the first ones had.
And the MUMMY movies don't riff on Indy... by palimpsest	Jul 31st, 2008 12:06:04 PM
...their entire aesthetic is whipped from Tom Selleck's finest moment HIGH ROAD TO CHINA. Not that one thought one'd ever be using the word 'aesthetic' anywhere near a Tom Selleck movie, but there you go. Somewhere, one imagines, a Rick O'Connell-variant nuked-the- fridge meme is beng worked on. Punted the Chinaman? Something like that.
Yakking does not exist in this dojo by Cobra--Kai	Jul 31st, 2008 12:17:29 PM
'a: During an airplane ride, Jonathan rides next to a yak that throws up in his face during a bumpy stretch. His face glistening with animal vomit, Mr. John Hannah yells, and I quote, "The yak yakked!" This is listed in the 'reasons why the movie's horrible' wtf??? I love that line - it's a work of genius!
Was Brendan Fraiser's toupee good? by kravmaguffin	Jul 31st, 2008 12:20:34 PM
Really that's the question to be aswered. Him, Travolta, and Nic Cage seem to be going to the same wig maker...
Maybe it's the same wig... by Kid Z	Jul 31st, 2008 12:27:27 PM
...They just keep trading it back and forth amongst themselves (with brief interruptions for delousing after Cage uses it).
Kid Z by Cotton McKnight	Jul 31st, 2008 12:28:21 PM
Yes, yes I would.
Finding Forrestal.... by Alexandra.DuPont	Jul 31st, 2008 12:36:31 PM
You asked about the score. It didn't make much of an impression on me because the whole movie was this big annoying sonic wall. I also felt bad for Edelman, because he had to find dramatic points to emphasize musically in scenes where Cohen gives everything the same louder-than-loud emphasis. Silvestri's original was probably better, but it's hard to even answer the question.
What did Apatow say about DGDB? by Jackie Boy	Jul 31st, 2008 12:47:10 PM
For curiosity's sake.
Hey DuPont: Here's something for you to ponder by KosherWookie	Jul 31st, 2008 12:53:28 PM
A quote from the villain 'Destroyo' in the short-lived TICK live-action series: "CONFOUND YOU, YOU IRRITATING WOMAN! DOES YOUR PRATTLING NEVER CEASE?!" I mean, seriously: You retired loudly and publicly to head off for greener pastures... But you refuse to have the good grace to stay gone. Whatsamatter, nobody at the Pizza Hut wants to listen to you blather incessantly about the minutiae of pop culture?
Jackie Boy by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD	Jul 31st, 2008 12:56:06 PM
He used my moniker to get a laugh (the only way he can these days) and he can fuck off for that. Talentless bearded cunt.
Silvestri's original?! by Gilkuliehe	Jul 31st, 2008 12:58:06 PM
Come on, DuPont. Don't make this Goldsmith die hard feel the need to strangle you.
guys....the way you prevent Dupont from returning.... by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD	Jul 31st, 2008 01:00:01 PM
....is to stop posting in this fucking TB! Soon-- we wont have to deal with her waste of bandwith if you people stop posting. Its the same way you get rid of a troll. Ignore them....and they go away. I'm taking me own advice and hitting the high road. Fuck this.
Does ILM do the effects, because the Yeti by skimn	Jul 31st, 2008 01:06:07 PM
look pretty weak in the trailers. And a field goal victory pose trumps a gopher reaction shot by a factor of ten. How did Cohen score this gig after the total train wreck that was Stealth? Another over-CGI'd piece of overblown "action". When directors realized that computers could realize any action/fantasy scenes with near photographic believability, the more is better philosophy took over.
God, what a frigid bitch. by Smerdyakov	Jul 31st, 2008 01:08:59 PM
Go see "Sex and the City" again, will you?
Gilkuliehe: I TOTALLY meant "Goldsmith's original." by Alexandra.DuPont	Jul 31st, 2008 01:10:43 PM
Sheesh!
erm...why does she review these movies? by Ridcully86	Jul 31st, 2008 01:15:05 PM
I don't think she's ever given an adventure movie a decent review. These are popcorn fest movies. I suggest Miss Dupont should go back to her bliss of watching "gay cowboys eating pudding" and not let the door hit her condescending ass on the way out.
Just so we're all on the same page here.... by Alexandra.DuPont	Jul 31st, 2008 01:15:08 PM
... Jerry Goldsmith scored "The Mummy," Alan Silvestri scored "The Mummy Returns," and Randy Edelman scored "The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor." Oh, wait. This is just a memo to myself.
Dannyglovers_Dickblood and others by Lukecash	Jul 31st, 2008 01:15:57 PM
DuPont has always been a great reviewer. She's a film geek at heart, but actually armed herself with a decent vocabulary, extensive knowlege and a critical eye to bring you a a great review. I may not always agree with her-but at least I know where she is coming from. You however, are a bitter, angry man-child-who's limited understanding of the wolrd and culture has not escaped the musty, dank darkness that is your mothers basement. And I enjoyed Indy 4. Not the best of the films-but definitely fun!
IJ4 Bad things in simple bullet points by ScaryJim	Jul 31st, 2008 01:16:46 PM
cgi comedy gopher fridge (they could at least have had it land in a lake) shia lebouf monkey swinging cgi monkeys the falling over multiple waterfalls and being fine (people got more hurt from doing this in the CARTOON the mysterious cities of Gold. cgi ants and their selective eating habits how many times do they have to escape/get recaptured by russians? stupid aliens (and I like aliens) *stupid plot, gurning Karen Allen, CGI snake gag. So no, Nukeing the fridge wasn't the only bad point, but like a trademark for a bad movie it will be remembered. PS. DuPont your burning the geeks, poor dickblood doesn't know how to express his awe.
Oh and Alexandra.DuPont by Lukecash	Jul 31st, 2008 01:17:14 PM
I see you got yourself a black border...does this mean you will grace us with a review once in a while?
Lukecash by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD	Jul 31st, 2008 01:21:04 PM
I was waiting for the mother's basement line....good job kiddo! Now fuck off and die.
All too often these days by palimpsest	Jul 31st, 2008 01:24:01 PM
a black border means the reviewer is in mouring for quality action cinema. And if I was Arnold Vosloo, I'd have some shears to John Woo's ear "You don't get me a HARD TARGET prequel, I come back here, I cut me a steak"...
that's "mourning" of course by palimpsest	Jul 31st, 2008 01:25:02 PM
damn this site's limited functionality
All is forgiven DuPont. by Gilkuliehe	Jul 31st, 2008 01:33:42 PM
And guys, I agree COMPLETELY on DuPont's take on both X-Files and Mummy Dragon, so cut the girl some slack you hateful sons of bitches. (Although I'm in the appearant minority who truly enjoyed Indy 4 and do not feel the need to bash it every other sentence, so cut that DuPont or I will no longer support you)
Worst flick of the summer? by Saluki	Jul 31st, 2008 02:01:55 PM
Can something actually be worse than Indiana Jones 4? I'm not going to bother to find out.
DuPont's total lack of mention of by skimn	Jul 31st, 2008 02:05:48 PM
body fluids and or functions, or her sexual proclivities, is a refreshing change on this site. If Harry was a woman (shutter) I'm sure a review would include,"That festering abortion of a movie was so bad it was as if I was being titty twisted by a power drill." Written with poorer grammer of course.
Saluki by skimn	Jul 31st, 2008 02:08:03 PM
I would say a toss up between The Happening and The Love Guru, and unfortunately, yes, I've seen both. Bitch about Indy, all you want, at least it didn't make you want to wash your eyes out with battery acid.
Alexandra DuPont is the female Vern... by Master Darque	Jul 31st, 2008 02:10:38 PM
That is the highest praise that I can give anyone because Vern is undisputed God of the Written Word. That review rocked!
About on par by Caerdwyn	Jul 31st, 2008 03:07:51 PM
Judging by the trailers alone, you can tell this is going to be loud and silly, and stupid. "DIE YOU MUMMIES DIE!!" Yeah, I cringe every time. Still, it's par for the series (now trilogy), whereas Indy has always felt like something that deserved a little more respect, a little more downplay. Mummy 3 being corny and bad isn't all too surprising; Indy 4 deserved better.
She seems incapable of movie orgasm. by Smerdyakov	Jul 31st, 2008 03:22:41 PM
Unlike Harry and the rest who get hard within ten feet of Del Toro or Smith.
This series is HORRIBLE. by Liquid Meddle	Jul 31st, 2008 03:46:56 PM
Any movie with terrible F/X gets compared to the Mummy films. They're fucking cheap, heartless pieces of shit. I knew watching the trailer for the first time that nothing had changed when I saw how completely unrealistic everything looked.. And of course, the whole self mocking "Mummy joke" bullshit lines. AVOID.
Lets see... by skimn	Jul 31st, 2008 03:54:32 PM
Dragon:The Bruce Lee Story, Daylight, Dragonheart, The Fast And The Furious, xXx, Stealth, and now Mummy 3. Is Cohen the new Peter Hyams?? At least Hyams could stage action sequences.
Mummy 3 is not good, but by Novaman5000	Jul 31st, 2008 03:56:56 PM
There have been far worse films this summer. Love Guru? ZOHAN?? The latter in particular was so awful i actually wanted my money back... And it was a free screening.
I liked silvestri's score by Novaman5000	Jul 31st, 2008 03:59:04 PM
Edelmen's was fine, but forgetable.
Watching TDK again... by hegele	Jul 31st, 2008 04:03:53 PM
The Mummy 3 looks like junk.
Raiders can be called a kids movie, by skimn	Jul 31st, 2008 04:10:37 PM
Star Wars can be called a kids movie. ET can be called a kids movie. A "kids movie" doesn't mean it has to be directed to an ADD pace and be stupid and juevenile. All of Pixars films can be called kids movies, and not an insult to the intelligence in the bunch.
I guess what I'm saying is that a movie by skimn	Jul 31st, 2008 04:13:59 PM
geared for a "14 year old boy", doesn't have to look like it was written and directed by a 14 year old boy.
Hyams and Cohen by skimn	Jul 31st, 2008 04:24:19 PM
I'm just saying both have directed a wide range of genre flicks, with fair results at best. And I've always admired Hyams use of camera work, esp Stedicam. I'd take Running Scared any day over Fast And Furious.
Pretty damn funny review by kungfuhustler84	Jul 31st, 2008 04:40:53 PM
it actually made me want to see this more, just so I could point and laugh at the screen with my fellow cynical friends
Alexandra.DuPont Got Black Boxed by kevinwillis.net	Jul 31st, 2008 04:42:07 PM
Bout damn time.
As I suspected it will be a rental when it's released on DVD. by kravmaguffin	Jul 31st, 2008 04:51:59 PM
I'm not paying full price for this shitfest when I can see Dark Knight again. Oh and Rob Cohen, I want my money back for Steath! What a steaming pile of crap! Oh and Alexandra you have yourself a fine day.
Brendan Fraser will never get work again by zooch	Jul 31st, 2008 05:08:47 PM
2 AWFUL looking flops in one summer
kravmaguffin -- you paid to see Stealth? by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD	Jul 31st, 2008 05:13:16 PM
Ha. What a fucking idiot. Thanks for the laugh.
horse fucking killed this TB -- NOOOOOOOO!!! by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD	Jul 31st, 2008 05:21:59 PM
Don't let it be so!!!
The Forbidden Kingdom was good by TheLastCleric	Jul 31st, 2008 05:22:59 PM
I've yet to hear any coherent reasons why Forbidden Kingdom was "slight crap." It was actually a very cool little fantasy flick starring two gods of Kung Fu cinema. And the hate being levied at Indy 4 really has gotten silly.
Zero point Zero.... no interest whatsoever by irrelevntelefant	Jul 31st, 2008 05:33:09 PM

is Gilbert Godfried Fraser's acting coach? by irrelevntelefant	Jul 31st, 2008 05:34:15 PM
" I want you to yell every line. and then from time to time yell louder"
I lost interest in this franchise when... by CyG	Jul 31st, 2008 06:06:55 PM
the Mummy Returns started retconning all kinds of crap, like making Rick a Medjai and Evie a reincarnation of Nefertiri. Also, this Mummy release feels a bit like the new X-files movie--coming out too long after any interest in the franchise has died. They should have made this movie back in 2002 instead of Scorpion King (although Kelly Hu and her skimpy outfits redeem that flick a bit).
Good review. by mrfan	Jul 31st, 2008 06:53:10 PM
Still, it will make money just as the other two did. Thought they were alright movies but glad I waited for dvd to see them. Will probably do the same here unless one of you ugly bastards pay my way in to see it. I might remind you I also want popcorn (extra butter) and a huge Coke to drink.
I'll see the dark night again tomorrow by disfigurehead	Jul 31st, 2008 07:36:27 PM
and skip this pile of shit.
mrfan, I'm happy to report that this will NOT make a ton of mone by jarjarsjockstrap	Jul 31st, 2008 07:39:59 PM
TDK is really kicking ass right now. it's a special thing -- the kind of thing that second-rate shit fests, much like the Revenge of the Mummy Returns from hell III, can't derail. TDK at #1 falls when tropic thunder comes out -- count on it. Not to say that Tropic Thunder will good -- in all liklihood, it'll probably suck. Anywho, to the idiots saying this will be better than IJ4: please, shut up. really. shut up. YETIS SIGNALING "TOUCHDOWN" TRUMPS "NUKE THE FRIDGE," "SHIA TARZAN," AND "CGI GOPHERS" BY LEAPS AND BOUNDS. guy...YETIS signaling "toucdown" in the Himalayas... reallY? I mean, Really?
does anyone remember how fettid Mummy Returns was? by jarjarsjockstrap	Jul 31st, 2008 07:44:43 PM
IT WAS AN ABOMINATION ON FILM. I mean, how BAD was that film? And didnt Alex have a british accent in it? And wasn't he a LOT younger than Brendan Fraser? How come Fraser didn't age, yet his son did? Huh? that's miserable/ absolutely miserable. And all of the mummy references...."I. Really. Hate. Mummies!" "Mummies -- they never play fair!" AHHHH!!!! that dialogue is the equivalent on nails on a chalkboard. It's HORRIBLE....absolutely, wholly, entirely horrible. this has been a weird summer. lots of quality films. lots of films living up to the hype. in fact, there hasn't been a sleeper hit yet, because al of the big films actually delivers. and, yes, that includes indy 4.
this movie is crappier than John McCain's depends... by jarjarsjockstrap	Jul 31st, 2008 07:46:50 PM
zing!
"Nuked the Fridge" is the new "Jumped the Shark." by hesiod2k	Jul 31st, 2008 07:54:38 PM
Can we just admit it?
hesiod2k by j2talk	Jul 31st, 2008 08:08:10 PM
Hell NO!!!!!!!!!!!1 If I NEVER hear that LAME ASS saying again,it will be too soo!!!!!!!!!!
ok, now pull the stick out and relax a bit..... by j2talk	Jul 31st, 2008 08:23:15 PM
I just saw the film and I thought it delivered EXACTLY what I expected.....You know the dialogue you disliked? The audience I saw the film with liked it, they got the humor in it....Take the stick out, relax and try to enjoy a movie, this is The MUMMY not the Godfather for Christ's sake!!!!!!! see the matinee, grab some popcorn and sit back and enjoy the ride..... Supposedly we are going to get 2 more.....Keep them coming people!!!!!!
Alfred Gough and Miles Millar by Mr_X	Jul 31st, 2008 08:59:41 PM
run smallville into the ground and do the same with the mummy series. is there any thing these two can't ruin?
special bulletin just in... by nefarius1	Jul 31st, 2008 09:12:09 PM
hollywood doesn't make films solely for disgruntled AICN talkbackers...gasp! I loved the original Mummy with Karloff. But, have you seen the old sequels it spawned. Make Sommers look like a genius. I enjoy movies of all colors. Yeah, I like a film that moves me. A film that when I leave the theater makes me want to go out and grab a drink with who I saw it with and get in a deep philosophical discussion or arguement. And I also like films that I can just turn the brain off and just be entertained. World can be a dark depressing thing and sometimes you just need to escape for a moment and get your sanity back. Really, take the stick out. There's room for all kinds of films.
Fuck the new Jones movie, and this piece of shit. by My Fridge is a Bomb Shelter	Jul 31st, 2008 09:22:28 PM
I say fuck these movies and FUCK IT, We'll DO IT LIVE!
Does anyone else... by HBO	Jul 31st, 2008 09:30:59 PM
Get the feeling that you want to puke reading this girl's reviews? I mean really, she comes off as convoluted, pompous, arrogant, and an outright ass. "Like they totally said the yak yakked", well no shit lady. those are the jokes they make in these movies. What the hell were you expecting, Shakespeare?
What About Ghidorah? by Partyslammer	Jul 31st, 2008 09:39:19 PM
What's the deal with the big, three headed cgi dragon rip-off of Toho's Ghidorah? Does anyone in the movie make an offhand comparison?
"What were you expecting, Shakespeare?" by Nasty In The Pasty	Jul 31st, 2008 11:12:24 PM
That ranks with "[over-the-hill television series] is still better than 90% of the crap on TV" and "Move out of your mother's basement and talk to a girl!" as one of THE most overused internet message board phrases. No, I'm not expecting fucking Shakespeare when I see a Mummy movie, but dialogue that doesn't make me want to jam flaming Q-Tips into my ears would at least be appreciated.
Harry & Moriarty should give their separate Mummy 3 analysis by BDuncan	Jul 31st, 2008 11:17:16 PM
I'd like reading both Moriarty's and Harry's separate analysis of The Mummy 3, saying what they liked, disliked and what they each reckon it could or should've done a lot better if they were mostly disappointed by it (or that a Mummy 4 film could do, as they've set it up for the son character to take over, but I could see Brendan doing 2 more Mummy films if The Mummy 3 film does really well, which it probably will).
not even sure I can be bothered to get it on DVD by G100	Jul 31st, 2008 11:31:42 PM
WORSE than the Mummy Returns ??? Yeeesh!
Yes ADP knew what she was in for. by TELF	Jul 31st, 2008 11:36:16 PM
And even by those adjusted expectations this film failed spectacularly. In her opinion. Which is all a review is: An opinion. Why is that so hard for some of you to understand or deal with? Do you only care to read reviews and articles that perfectly correspond to your exact worldview/expectations? Do you get personally offended by opinons that differ from your own? Even opinions regarding something as utterly unimportant and gratuitous as this Mummy film? Strange behaviour.
TDK could stay on top. by TheLastCleric	Aug 1st, 2008 12:58:05 AM
The reception to the Mummy previews seems pretty flacid and TDK continues to flourish so perhaps it will retain the top spot. Regardless, it should near 400 million by the end of this weekend and it's set to crack the top ten very soon so top spot or not, the film is kicking serious ass, which it deserves. And if Devin from Chud is reading this, I took my sister to see it today and that makes it my fifth time, so I guess I'm the douchebag loser type you mentioned.
Anybody see the extended clip they ran on Sci Fi? by TheLastCleric	Aug 1st, 2008 01:00:43 AM
It was incredibly bad, from the acting to the fights. I was actually planning on seeing this for some light fun but that clip actually killed what little enthusiasm I had.
Memories-Of-Murder by DocPazuzu	Aug 1st, 2008 01:29:30 AM
Congratulations on once again completely missing the point, in this case Smer's post. Humorless asshat.
Love Alexandra's writing but.... by damn_dirty_ape	Aug 1st, 2008 01:36:04 AM
....... no matter how much I try, I can't ignore the fact that most of the negative things she talks about for Mummy 3 actually don't sound that bad! The first Mummy flick was a wonderful, undemanding rollercoaster and whilst the second wasn't the greatest sequel in history it still had it's moments; the bus chase in London for example - and how can you NOT love the pygmy with the dynamite? I still have high hopes for this flick. Although I had high hopes for KOTCS and that was just extraordinarily bad.
Congradualtion to M-O-M by Xiphos_2	Aug 1st, 2008 03:48:31 AM
For winning the award as the Talkbacker with the least amount of self awareness. This is the fifty second straight week MOM has dominated this catagory. Don't let anybody ever tell you that consistancy is the hobgoblin of small minds sport, you excell. Also, I'm getting late word from the committee that you have won the award for the TBer with the largest stick up your ass. That's quite the daily double you've earned sluggger, You make Portugal proud tiger.
Well, sounds like SPEED RACER... by Motoko Kusanagi	Aug 1st, 2008 04:01:25 AM
...only better.
re MOM by DocPazuzu	Aug 1st, 2008 04:14:16 AM
Want to know what kind of person MOM is? Well, to put it as simply as possible, he's the kind of guy who, while watching, say, Leprechaun in Da Hood, wouldn't laugh a single time. Not once. That pretty much sums him up. Memories-of-Murder is an arrogant, pontificating, condescending, humorless, predictable, irony-deficient, smug, bullying, ignorant toad.
By the way, M-O-M... by DocPazuzu	Aug 1st, 2008 04:15:47 AM
...if you're going to motivate not seeing Mummy 3 by way of Rachel Weisz, at least get your story right.
Was there any gore on the pillow? by VegasRon	Aug 1st, 2008 04:30:40 AM
Well, was there?
M-O-M... by DocPazuzu	Aug 1st, 2008 04:38:03 AM
...has also stated on occasion that it's okay and natural to actually hate a person who doesn't share his taste in film.
"Talk about damn with faint praise." by DocPazuzu	Aug 1st, 2008 04:39:18 AM
Add "sarcasm-deficient" to that list.
I hate people... by VegasRon	Aug 1st, 2008 04:45:01 AM
...that bash Del Toro. And I don't care if that gains your approval or not. I'm lookin' at you, Paz.
!!NEWSFLASH!...wait wait...women have opinons? ....wtf... by CNN	Aug 1st, 2008 04:54:46 AM
Apparently they've slicked up enough to pay someone to post on the internet for them...shady-ness is afoot gentlemen, the games a changin'...god help us if one day they are granted rights outside of deciding how to bake a casserole. PS. Movie was fine, not expecting more than it was...most of my problems harry touched on in his review. That and they should have cut down the bridge, and immortalitly shouldnt be a cock-block with the fountain of youth 10 feet away from you. CNN BRINGING YOU HEATHENS THE GODDAMNED NEWS!
VegasRon by DocPazuzu	Aug 1st, 2008 05:03:15 AM
Excuse me?
VegasRon by DocPazuzu	Aug 1st, 2008 05:05:53 AM
Oh, I see. Well, I don't hate people who bash Del Toro -- I just think they're tasteless mooks.
Memories-Of-Murder- why? by j2talk	Aug 1st, 2008 08:02:44 AM
Get over you self, learn to enjoy the popcorn ,Pulp style movie..sure the Dark Knight was a good movie, but not every Movie needs to be so Dark and depressing.... when i go to movie and sit through it, what i want for my $5 is to be entertained, to not look at my watch and wonder how much longer its going to drag on.... seeing the Mummy I had that experience with my family, we watch the movie we laughed we left entertained, my son demanded that we add it to the DVD collection...seeing the Dark Knight- well the wife and Daughter had no interest, my son-age 12- thought it was OK, but Iron Man was better, and I thought it was ALMOST what I wanted from a Batman movie- it still want to see the Killing Joke, this Joker was missing his humor
Fred think that movies need to serve multiple purposes by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar	Aug 1st, 2008 08:50:38 AM
Some can be dark and gritty -like Dark Knight, and have a wide appeal, if they are down well. Others can be light and fun, and have broad appeal, also if they are done well. Dark Knight is not a family movie. Mummy movies are. Fred loved dark Knigt. But Fred also greatly enjoyed Mummy and Mummy 2. Fred not see Mummy 3 yet. It not necessary to hate on one type of movie in order to support another. One thing Fred knows for absolute certainty. If it make money, it will be made. If dark, gritty movies are key to success, then many more will be made. But Fred think it more likely that Dark Knight has exceptional appeal based on factors other movie genres can not tap into.
M-O-M... by DocPazuzu	Aug 1st, 2008 09:25:46 AM
...can hardly even be called a movie fan because his spectrum for film enjoyment/appreciation is so narrow. He hides behind the "stupid" label when it comes to movies he doesn't like, but what it really amounts to is either an inability to enjoy movies on a purely visceral level, or guilt and shame arising from the fact that he DOES enjoy movies on a visceral level but feels the need to find intellectual reasons for liking those movies. A real movie fan enjoys all different flavors and experiences and doesn't limit himself to "good" or "bad" movies. There are loads of "good" movies which are insufferable and just as many "bad" movies that are pure fun. This is a distinction which M-O-M, with his limited intellect, is incapable of understanding.
huh by slkboxrman	Aug 1st, 2008 09:54:15 AM
who the hell is this dupont ?
M-O-M by nefarius1	Aug 1st, 2008 11:35:44 AM
Here's a man who thinks Star Trek TMP was a great film and cried when people couldn't see the genius of it. That alone makes me laugh everytime I read one of his pathetic little commentaries.
"alternative to dark movies" by DocPazuzu	Aug 1st, 2008 01:11:36 PM
The only person using that straw man argument is you, M-O-M. You tried the same shit argument recently when you claimed that Will Smith was a talkbacker favorite and then proceeded to demolish him and them in order to score cheap, bullshit points in an argument of your own making. You're the very definition of a loser.
Memories-Of-Murder by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar	Aug 1st, 2008 01:20:00 PM
Fred understand your frustration. But, Fred would counter by saying that you are looking at too narrow of a segment of movies. For instance, the summer blockbuster season only consists of popcorn movies aimed at mass audiences - primarily teens, and young adults, and the young at heart. You will not find very many deep movies in that season. So, it is unfair to compare and critcize hollywood for marketing movies such as Mummy 3 and Dark Knight in the same season, when they are both aimed at the same crowd. The big 'oscar worthy' movies, genearlly come out in Oct-Nov and Feb-Apr. That is because the kids are back in school, and the movies are marketed towards their parents. The serious movies, that are full of serious messages, and serious acting. You can always find Indie movies year round that deal with many themes though. Fred think you need to expand your horizon.
M-O-M by nefarius1	Aug 1st, 2008 02:28:49 PM
You're the joke. Nobody nominated you keeper of the talkbacks. You feel obligated to push your opinion on everyone. Go back to your bubble mate and put your vulcan ears and wank to Gayformers (which you seem obsessed with) and have a good cry.
Memories-Of-Murder by j2talk	Aug 1st, 2008 07:40:04 PM
your posts prove you are the Type of movie "FAN" that needs the stick pulled out, learn to enjoy a movie for what it is, rather than what it could be- or rather what you wished it to be....as for the Dark Knight, yes the Joker had some elements of humor, but to truly see the epitome of the Joker- and here I too am guilty of viewing a movie with prejudiced eyes- read The Killing Joke, that is the perfect Joker

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Alexandra DuPont Deems MUMMY III Noisy, Charmless, Unfunny And Perhaps Devoid of Any Actual Mummies!!

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