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Taped For Justice: Vern Announces The Winners Of The SEAGALOGY Youtube Contest!

First!!! To Say . . . by kevinwillis.net	Jul 7th, 2008 01:02:27 PM
Seagal rocks. Now I'll read the article.
At Least Seagal Got Half of What He Wanted by kevinwillis.net	Jul 7th, 2008 01:04:02 PM
"I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol."
I got my copy of Seagalogy last week. by DerLanghaarige	Jul 7th, 2008 01:13:41 PM
I keep recommanding it to everybody and even began to rewatch Steven's movies on DVD. Yes, it's that good.
Not the first time I've called you this... by LordPorkington	Jul 7th, 2008 01:13:48 PM
And I'm sure it won't be the last, but kevinwillis.net, you're an annoying little cunt! In addition, I've never understood the appeal of Steven Seagal. I know he's one of those 'He's so crap he's cool' people, but I reckon he's just crap. Still, these YouTube efforts show he's got a solid fanbase, and more power to them say I.
Lord Porkington . . . by kevinwillis.net	Jul 7th, 2008 01:26:49 PM
Thanks to your sound rebuke, I have decided to reform myself via a lengthy montage of weight lifting, running, target pratice, akido and yoga. And perhaps I should drink a quart of raw eggs in a homage to Sly Stallone. Then I will return to my old stomping grounds, and demand . . . justice!
Very good movies by SpencerTrilby	Jul 7th, 2008 01:30:38 PM
I concur with what you said Vern, some of these films are better than the shitty DTV flicks coming out these days. You should work on some "Project Greenlight" or "On the lot" reality show and give those guys a chance. And hire Ratner as a judge, so he can learn a thing or two.
Impossible to Kill by Nico Toscani	Jul 7th, 2008 01:42:33 PM
was my favorite.
Sill think Segal would have been cool as Bill by ingloriousjedi	Jul 7th, 2008 01:58:23 PM
In Kill Bill. Think about it, under the direction of QT it would have worked.
whoops by Vern	Jul 7th, 2008 02:00:55 PM
Sorry I fucked up some coding there. WIND TUNNEL is stuck in the middle there and GRADUATING CLASS OF SEAGAL is on there twice. I emailed Harry and the boys about my error so hopefully they will clean it up for me.
Don't worry, Vern by palimpsest	Jul 7th, 2008 02:05:28 PM
Seagal can't code for shit either. But then again, he's been too busy taking out the trash to go to computer class.
Vern's Too Busy Bringing Justice to the Streets by kevinwillis.net	Jul 7th, 2008 02:10:58 PM
To worry about embedding some YouTube videos.
You gotta email him? by ingloriousjedi	Jul 7th, 2008 02:20:14 PM
I thought you AICN people lived in the same house and played starcraft over a LAN network all day.
Watching these videos has changed my life by Darth Busey	Jul 7th, 2008 02:23:13 PM
Would have liked to have seen an homage to Busey spitting in Seagal's bouillabaise in "Under Siege", though.
The idea of the AICN blackboxers living together by palimpsest	Jul 7th, 2008 02:29:54 PM
like the BANANA SPLITS is a terrifying one. Fleagle = Harry. Bingo = Moriarty. Drooper = Quint. Snorky? Merrick. You know it.
Gotta Admit... by thegreatyoda	Jul 7th, 2008 02:35:34 PM
I liked Impossible to Kill better, but I guess you can't argue with a monster truck. I'm also a bit shamed that the Under Seige 2 shot swiping in the final fight wasn't noticed. Guess I'm not ready for Project Greenlight: Segal Edition just yet.
They can pawn the Playstation... by Bobo_Vision	Jul 7th, 2008 02:58:10 PM
...and put the money towards fixing their truck.
When's the next book Vern? by evolvingsensblty	Jul 7th, 2008 03:04:30 PM
and who's it on? Can we have a new edition of Seagalogy in 5 years when Seagal has made 14 more DTV's? These videos all look great. Thanks!
Killing Time deserved it. by DrAndonuts	Jul 7th, 2008 03:06:44 PM
I loved that one the most. Wasn't a huge fan of Impossible to Kill. I'm glad I was able to score a copy of the book (for Suburban Justice), although I was a bit let down that GilbertSmith didn't get a book, if only for dedication to the contest. Anyway, it was fun. Thanks, Vern.
AICN = the Banana Splits playing X-Box together by SpencerTrilby	Jul 7th, 2008 03:11:06 PM
aka "the greatest concept to ever grace the talkbacks". Sounds like Michael Jackson's Neverland in the 90's: fun, but twice as creepy.
videos removed by macgruder	Jul 7th, 2008 04:14:38 PM
it would be nice if we could actually see them, the winner gets removed from youtube? wehy?
The last one with the Grandma would have won IF... by Cinemajerk	Jul 7th, 2008 04:14:49 PM
A Steven Segal look alike broke her neck at the end. LOL. Actually...I did like the Grandma one the best oddly enough. But between the two runner ups VERN picked the wrong one. Why? Because he crushed a truck? Impossible to Kill had much better production values and was funnier. The only part that made me laugh in the other one was when the dog ran off with the baby.
Words! by StickOfMight	Jul 7th, 2008 04:15:18 PM
Let me just be the first to say that I have absolutely no issue with The Graduating Class of Seagal being posted twice in this article. Congrats are in order to the folks behind Killing Time. It sure was monster truck. You guys get points from me for the baby scene. Huge props to the crews behind Impossible to Kill and Seagalogy. Great, great entries, guys. Great showings all around in this contest, really.
Impossible to Kill by JimBobCooter	Jul 7th, 2008 04:48:05 PM
Starring Ryan Reynolds' older brother. Well done, Vern. That was way cooler than I expected.
I liked the winner by Cedar_Room	Jul 7th, 2008 06:12:57 PM
especially the bit where he shoots the gun out of the bad guys hand, then shoots the trigger on the gun in mid air so that it then shoots the guy. I mean, I don't know if that has been stolen from another movie, but if not that is seriously inventive and is funnier than most shit you see in Hollywood action films.
Robbed by Psycho_Kenshin	Jul 7th, 2008 06:14:50 PM
Oh man, Out For A Film was robbed, just like my main man Kevin Bacon at the Oscars.
Man, they were fantastic! by TELF	Jul 7th, 2008 06:49:04 PM
Really impressed. I think best performance goes to Narrator/Punisher Guy from Seagalogy. And the Suburban Justice kid nailed Seagal's laid back delivery. My only critique is that no one did his big girlie run...
I am on page 10 by BitterMan23	Jul 7th, 2008 06:54:45 PM
And I have laughed out loud 7 times, not to mention the general smiling/chuckling throughout. Well done so far sir. I particularly enjoy how you single out the bartender in Above the Law, that guy always fascinated me.
TELF by thegreatyoda	Jul 7th, 2008 07:42:28 PM
Just to soothe my ego I must point out that the Punisher guy did not play the narrator. The I/the nerd was the narrator. Glad you liked it, though. And I agree that the Suburban Justice guy kicked ass.
And I should type more slowly... by thegreatyoda	Jul 7th, 2008 07:45:44 PM
to avoid saying stupid things like "The I/Nerd" and misspelling Seagal's name like I did in previous posts.
Aw, come on, Vern. by StickOfMight	Jul 7th, 2008 11:09:56 PM
Seagal was practically God in my entry, and yet you hold the jowls joke against me? C'mon!
the great yoda... by TELF	Jul 8th, 2008 12:14:34 AM
Holy shit! Thats even better that you both nailed that bad ass delivery. I think that is one of the best "BALLS" utterences I have ever heard. Whenever anyone references the "War on Balls/Testicles/Groins from now on - yours is the voice I will hear! Ku fucking dos friendo.
But, seriously you guys... by TELF	Jul 8th, 2008 12:16:33 AM
Have you never seen Seagal run? He's like Harrison Ford after some HRT...
Stick by Vern	Jul 8th, 2008 01:51:49 AM
Well I suspected the worshipful tone was at least partly sarcastic. But I liked what you did and appreciate all the hard work that obviously went into it. Good job bud.
Vern, Is Seagalogy Going to be on Audible? by kevinwillis.net	Jul 8th, 2008 06:57:02 AM
I read most of the books I read with my ears. If you do an audiobook, I'd prefer it either be read by you, or read by Stephen Seagal.
thanks Vern by captaindustin	Jul 8th, 2008 06:18:38 PM
This is Dustin, I'm glad you liked my Doc style piece. I knew I risked not getting the proper criteria, but I wanted to produce something original and I'm just glad you enjoyed it. I bought her your book and I thought you'd like to know how much she enjoys it.
The AudioBook read by Seagal! Kevinwillis Rules. by SkeletonParty	Jul 8th, 2008 08:05:30 PM
Kevin, you've just gone up a notch in my book. I'd buy the AudioBook read by Seagal as soon as it existed.
JEEZ VERN by mynemaborat	Jul 8th, 2008 08:17:31 PM
Impossible to kill was easily the best... killing time would be like 3rd.
No Response from Vern on Seagal Reading . . . by kevinwillis.net	Jul 9th, 2008 09:30:42 AM
. . . the audio book of Seagalogy. I can only assume, therefore, that that project is in the works right now. NDAs and whatnot. Can't wait.
Seagal is a Walking Murder Machine by Firey_Fist_O_Pain	Jul 10th, 2008 03:25:13 AM
Hello, I directed Killing Time. Vern, your review is fricken awesome. I do think, though that my favorite of the bunch is Suburban Justice for the dialog and the villain. The villain is perfect. We don't have a villain. All we have is Steven Seagal wandering around in what is basically a Troma movie. And that's why suburban justice kicks our ass. My favorite line is at the end when the Seagal throws the bad guy out the window. "You're crazy, you've gone over the edge!" ; "No, I think you've gone over the edge..." Toss. I also really liked 'Out For a Film' even though it was making fun of Seagal. I just like when he snaps that guys neck in the photo booth, and then at the end when that guy talks about how he'd never been beat up with such grace before. I have a little more to say, but I'll do it in another post because I have no idea how to do a carraige return.
Director's Commentary by Firey_Fist_O_Pain	Jul 10th, 2008 04:14:54 AM
Here's some stuff about our filming, if anybody's interested. We had a great time making the movie. It was about four days of shooting (The actual hours are somewhere around 30 though, because two of the days were just evenings). And then there was about four days of sound, because we didn't use a stitch of the original audio - with the exception of my brother's (green mohawk guy) dialog; and the monster truck scene. As Vern said, I broke my hand when the stearing wheel whacked it in the monster truck. Which is sort of funny because the guy we bought it from had said, "When you drive over something let go of the steering wheel because it'll break your hand." I didn't remember this until after I got out of truck holding my hand in agony. But at the same time I felt pretty awesome for imparting such carnage on that little blue pickup. If there's anybody else who made one of the movies, I'd like to hear about how your filming went. I enjoyed pretty much every film that was posted and I am honestly suprised we won.
Oh, One Last Thing by Firey_Fist_O_Pain	Jul 10th, 2008 04:26:25 AM
The blue pickup didn't run, we had to pull and push it through every scene. Anyway I gotta go, my shirt's on fire. Oh wait, no that's my cat... OH MY GOD, MY CAT!
Our movie comments (Suburban Justice). by DrAndonuts	Jul 10th, 2008 05:31:49 PM
Well, our movie wasn't as long as yours (by a long shot), but it was pretty fun putting it together. I read the contest and wrote the script in about a half an hour. I actually had the most fun writing for the villain than Seagal. I've always wanted an excuse to have a tacky villain, and I think that the contest was the best opportunity. When the contest went up, I was in Macon, GA at the time taking summer classes, with my friends up in Atlanta, so we had to plan on a day to do it. We actually ended up having 2 people bail at the last minute, so Jordan (the villain) played the main villain and the passenger of the car, I played Seagal and the guy who gets the knife thrown at, and my sister played the classy hooker and Alex. We didn't really have any troubles with the shooting. The body thrown out of the window was just a pair of jeans filled with all of our costumes. All the of the villain's names were from 2D beat um and shoot em ups, like Double Dragon, Metal Slug, and River City Ransom. And the For Sale sign we used was stolen. But yeah, no other real tidbits. I'm glad that Killing Time won (I wrote some comments on your video). Anyway you'll have to add me on PSN when your PS3 comes. Later.

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Taped For Justice: Vern Announces The Winners Of The SEAGALOGY Youtube Contest!

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