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Mr. Beaks Looks Forward to Roland Emmerich's Splendidly Stupid 2012

Wholly shit! by MaxTheSilent	Jul 7th, 2008 03:51:31 AM
That sounds splendidly retarded.
This sounds like it could be the most retarded movie ever by Xiphos_2	Jul 7th, 2008 03:53:55 AM
Now I'm somewhat interested. The sheer stupidy that Beeks wrote of makes this movie a must see while loaded.
President "Goldie" Wilson? Like the sound of that.... by SubliminalJones	Jul 7th, 2008 03:57:50 AM
And to think his political ambitions sprang from a simple slip of the tounge by Marty McFly back in that malt shop in 1955. First mayor of Hill Valley, now President. Well done, sir.
I can't wait! by syn_flood	Jul 7th, 2008 04:00:09 AM
Emmerich rules! This sounds awesome!
wicked... by blckmgk13	Jul 7th, 2008 04:01:51 AM
...or is it?
What the bloody anal fuck? by Ladonite	Jul 7th, 2008 04:12:46 AM
Is it alright if I don't care about this? It sounds quite boring. It sounds beyond boring... I honestly don't care for it. If someone tells me something exciting about an 'end of the world' movie, I'll gladly give them a moment of my time. But I'm really pretty tired of them. Unless everyone keeps saying "What's happening?" Now that's entertainment...
Hilarious article, Beaks. by DocPazuzu	Jul 7th, 2008 04:17:26 AM
Well played, sir.
I dont give a shit about the film but.. by Fortunesfool	Jul 7th, 2008 04:22:28 AM
was the 'goldie' wilson joke yours or their's Harry. Nice to see Amanda Peet slumming it again after Studio 60's inexplicable demise.
Curious that the wrenching spectacle of 9/11 ... by No Respectable Gentleman	Jul 7th, 2008 04:22:57 AM
... didn't make Hollywood think twice about BLOWING THINGS UP for entertainment.
Class by OverDog	Jul 7th, 2008 04:29:25 AM
Thank you Mr Beaks for allowing us to watch the directors cut of 2012 at the end of the article. Although at 2:16 it was far too long!
EARTHQUAKES?!!! awww man, that sucks donkey balls!!!! by Mike_D	Jul 7th, 2008 04:31:08 AM
I was hoping for a polar shift change at least. thats fucking LAME.
and... by SnakesOnABicycle	Jul 7th, 2008 04:44:43 AM
Lloyd Dobbler, his newly re-singled ex wife, and their brood of annoying child actors, all hop aboard the S.S. Ark, fly into space, discover a warm hole, go back in time, and land smack dab onto some prehistoric mud house, in the middle of a Mayan village. They teach the natives about pyrmaids, and building things, advancing our technology to the point where after thousands and thousands of years we have destroyed the planet all over again, and people have to escape the earthquakes, and the volcanos, and the tsunamis, by flying away in large spaceships (maybe one's even called the S.S. Ark) that have warp drives, and discover worm holes, and then go back in time, and land smack dab in the middle of...
fuck by applescruff	Jul 7th, 2008 04:50:43 AM
........this shit.
Marcel Proust by Wired Earp	Jul 7th, 2008 04:51:41 AM
you know what i´m sayin?
"Puffy-faced Lloyd Dobler" by HostileOrganismX	Jul 7th, 2008 04:56:18 AM
It's funny 'cause it's sad.
Great, great article! by NoodlesHahn	Jul 7th, 2008 05:07:47 AM
So right after Klaatu tells us to take better care of the Earth, the Earth up and destroys us anyway. Ain't that the way.
What the fuck is the backdrop? by Holeman	Jul 7th, 2008 05:23:41 AM
Seriously.
THIS IS THE STUPIDEST FILM OF ALL TIME... by Ray Gamma	Jul 7th, 2008 05:26:54 AM
REVIEWED HERE BY THE MOST ARTICULATE WRITER ON AICN, APPARENTLY. p.s. fuck off Emmerich and stick your patronising, moronic, juvenile steaming piles of shit back up your arse.
Black movie-presidents are sooo 1999... by joe90025	Jul 7th, 2008 05:28:04 AM
It's time for an Eskimo president in the Hollywood White House -- President Lou Diamond Phillips
God bless Emmerich by Jaws Wayne	Jul 7th, 2008 05:32:31 AM
For giving us these old-style Allen style throwbacks, I love 'em. Yep, story-wise they're nothing to write home about (just A.I.C.N.) but when it comes to heavy duty cinematic visual spectacle, the fella always delivers my needs. Keep pumping 'em out, I'll keep spending my cash to see em on the big screen.
Bodet speaks the truth. by DocPazuzu	Jul 7th, 2008 05:36:48 AM
Never has there been a more shameless collection of slumming actors in one gigantic, fiery explosion of a movie than Con Air. It's so awful and unwatchable that it's utterly compelling. I own the unrated version and watch it frequently.
Welcome to earf, fucking kids and dogs. by Motoko Kusanagi	Jul 7th, 2008 05:38:59 AM
I HATE kids and dogs, especially when combined in a PG-13 crapfest directed by such a moron like Emmerich. Great article, btw! I laughed my ass off!
Holeman by Stollentroll	Jul 7th, 2008 05:41:22 AM
apparantly a still from independence day. see here: http://tinyurl.com/63hnnq
Roland Emmerick making a bad film?..NO!!! by Redfive!	Jul 7th, 2008 05:52:59 AM
All his films are shit.10,000 BC is the 2nd worst movie next to Pluto Nash ive ever seen...EVER!!
President Danny Glover. by TheBloop	Jul 7th, 2008 05:56:42 AM
Wonder if he will try to pass a bill that would convert the United States into a communist gulag. Viva la moron! Now fuck off!
No Respectable Gentleman by Kevin Holsinger	Jul 7th, 2008 05:59:27 AM
I remember, in the weeks after the 9/11/01 attacks, people saying that reality TV shows were dead because watching the Twin Towers fall was the REAL reality TV. Then by November, The Osbournes premiered on MTV, and became immensely popular for a while. So the return of disaster flicks a few years later isn't really all that surprising.
I KNEW IT by feebster69	Jul 7th, 2008 06:02:32 AM
I posted a message 6 months ago saying it was going to be tectonic plates / mayan calendar. Sigh. Hollywood's running out of disaster options.
President "Goldie" Wilson...! by Prof. Pop-Cult	Jul 7th, 2008 06:10:11 AM
Holy crap, is that for real? Is Glover's character supposed to, unofficially, be the same as Mayor "Goldie" Wilson from Back to the Future? (And, furthermore, actor Thomas F. Wilson played Biff in Back to the Future!)
A little background on the script by Alientoast	Jul 7th, 2008 06:13:03 AM
1) Yellowstone is a big super volcano. If it ever went off...well...we'd be fucked 2) Global Crust Displacement was a hypothesis kicked around to explain the sudden end of the ice age...basically the great imbalanced caused by the trillions of tons of ice caused the lithosphere to slip over the soft aesthenosphere, essentially causing the crust to "slip" like an orange peel slipping on top of an orange. This is a favorite theory of people who believe the "Atlantis is in Antarctica" idea, since it conveniently explains why a civilization could be possible there...it wasn't always that far south. On a side note, the Space Arks kinda remind me of that old 50s B-movie that got roasted on MST3k...remember the Earth was gonna collide with a rogue planet, but there was a 2nd planet that could support life and they made big rockets to bring them there?
Well I'll be PIGFUCKED!!!! by redfist	Jul 7th, 2008 06:31:38 AM

President "Goldie" Wilson. by raw_bean	Jul 7th, 2008 06:43:56 AM
You watch, he WILL be President, and when he is, he's going to CLEAN UP this planet!
so, when will Emmerich... by cifra	Jul 7th, 2008 06:45:48 AM
... start shamelessly marketing his movies as comedies? I must confess that the only Emmerich I really like is Godzilla, and that's why it was clearly thought as comedy with comedians (Broderick, Reno, Shearer, Azaria) in most of the big roles.
Well... by DocPazuzu	Jul 7th, 2008 06:46:06 AM
...it seems Xyzzy80's pretentiousness has caught up with him. Not only did he not understand the article, he also apparently doesn't understand the word auteur. Look for more of his horseshit in the next Neill Cumpston talkback.
well, it looks like a new forum for b-movie conversation.. by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 06:50:10 AM
if anyone else were doing this, I might be excited that they would deliver a trashy good time. After Godzilla, Day, The Patriot and 10,000 B.C. I've given up any hope of Emmerich making something work. At this point, I think Michael Bay has a better track record: I had fun with The Island and Transformers, while taking neither seriously. To re-ignite the b-movie conversations, Solar Crisis anyone?
Great Pootie reference by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks	Jul 7th, 2008 06:50:33 AM
You gotta sine your pitty on da runny kine.
The President is A black? by GregoryHarbin	Jul 7th, 2008 06:59:37 AM
That is OFFENSIVE!
Emmerich's best film by kwisatzhaderach	Jul 7th, 2008 07:03:21 AM
may well be Universal Soldier.
Yellowstone by Shan	Jul 7th, 2008 07:24:56 AM
It's not 'if' it blows up again so much as 'when'
Damn right, Emmerich is an auteur by Franklin T Marmoset	Jul 7th, 2008 07:33:11 AM
Who else delivers such consistently entertaining nonsense? Renny Harlin, maybe, but I can't think of anyone else. I am very much looking forward to the imminent DVD release of 10,000 bc. That one has to be good. My only criticism of Roland Emmerich: Not nearly enough roles for LL Cool J. Also, I agree that black presidents are a little old hat. We've seen plenty of female presidents at this point, too. That being the case, I reckon it's about time we saw either a gay president or a little person president (played by Warwick Davis, obviously).
So, ya got ya blacks runnin' things... by KazamaSmokers	Jul 7th, 2008 07:59:02 AM
a) You will edit that and swear it was a typo. We know better. b) It's "Bless the Beasts And Children". There's no second "the". Sorry to ruin your Dennis Millerism. c) Peter Dinklage for Little Person President!
Emmerich slammin' by Jaws Wayne	Jul 7th, 2008 08:06:13 AM
C'mon, any of you who own just one(1)or more of those McFarlane action comic/movie toys are not to be takin' seriously when it comes to trashin Emmerich's hugely enjoyable in your face cinematic B-movie popcorn works not countin' The Patriot, which I actually think kicks major ass on all fronts. Where's Gibson anyway ? I miss the guy.
Franklin T Marmoset by Series7	Jul 7th, 2008 08:06:22 AM
Renny Harlin is making movies for the WWE now.
Bless the Beasts and Children by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 08:07:15 AM
remember nothing of that movie save for the scene where the kids have nightmares they are grazing in a pen like buffalo, and their parents are shooting them down. Still have that image of the fat kid ambling nervously along, and then taking off in a fearful gallop as his mother caps him in the head and he goes down like a sack of potatoes. good times.
ark-like spaceships...!??!!? by Gungan Slayer	Jul 7th, 2008 08:07:56 AM
Holy shit, this movie is going to be hilarious. I can't wait.
Fact by Series7	Jul 7th, 2008 08:09:38 AM
Did you know that Uwe Boll is Emmerich's retarded half brother.
Making Contact ? by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 08:10:56 AM
I think this was Roland's first movie, and pretty freaky for me as a kid in the 80s. I'm still not sure I actually know what it was about(creepy mannequin mainly) but there is no clearer evidence that he wanted Spielberg's career than that movie. And the closest he ever came, popularity wise of course, was Independence Day. Somewhere in there he also did Moon 44, a completely silly and rather boring sci-fi flick.
Craptastic. by Uncle Stan	Jul 7th, 2008 08:13:40 AM

Thanks for the info, Series7 by Franklin T Marmoset	Jul 7th, 2008 08:21:35 AM
I checked into it (ie: looked at that IMDB) and it turns out Renny Harlin is making something starring John Cena and a bunch of folks I never heard of. I don't know this John Cena too well, though. Is he funny? I hope so. All in all, I have to say it is better when wrestlers don't act. Except for They Live, obviously, even if Kurt Russell would have been better in that role.
Knew This Was Going To Be Bad by Unlabled	Jul 7th, 2008 08:23:44 AM
When they announced he was rushing to secure a deal prior to the release of 10,000 BC. He knew it was shit and wanted to get the best deal before his next bomb. This is going to be horrible.
Mr. Beaks = Awesome. by HoboCode	Jul 7th, 2008 08:30:07 AM
Seriously that was one of the best written script reviews I have ever read. Great stuff man!
The Noah's Ark Principle by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 08:40:25 AM
Roland's first movie, and one unseen by me. It was apparently a student film, but it sounds like there is less NAP involved in that one than this, with it's inclusion of star-arks. Another movie I wasn't aware belonged to Emmerich was Ghost Chase in the 80s. Another kid with creepy muppet movie. In my mind the pinnacle of his career is still Stargate, which was dumb and deriviative but fun and somewhat cohesive as a story. Same for ID4, until the Mac computer virus.
Excellent, another B-movie forum by Lost Jarv	Jul 7th, 2008 08:45:54 AM
I hereby bar Memories. Fuck off you little twat. Points of note that I cannot be debated on: 1) Solar Crisis is great 2)Universal Soldier is THE SHIT. Just for Dolph 3)Emmerich is a cunt. 4)I watched Mother of Tears on saturday. It is potentially great, but massively stupid. Even by Argento's standards. 5)Memories is a cunt of Emmerichian proportions. 6)Warwick Davis would be a great president.
The problem with Emmerich, by Lost Jarv	Jul 7th, 2008 08:46:55 AM
is that his movies while collosal pieces of stupidity are actually suprisingly dull. This is not something you can accuse Bay of. And Con Air is also the shit.
I missed one,. by Lost Jarv	Jul 7th, 2008 08:48:16 AM
8)Dolph needs more work. You know this to be true- I recently watched some horrible thing where he was running some Witness Protection outfit- while running a restaurant. I shit you not. It was rubbish. But Dolph was good. I can't remember what it was called though.
"Mr. Beaks Looks Forward to Roland Emmerich's..." by Trazadone	Jul 7th, 2008 08:50:44 AM
Those words don't make any sense. No human being looks forward to an Emmerich film because he has yet to make a good one.
Sir Beaks by Mr. Nice Gaius	Jul 7th, 2008 08:52:05 AM
I don't know what AICN did to get you to come back but thank you for raising the quality of this site up by at least two notches. Maybe three. Stuff like this: "...then I envisioned Cusack glumly slumming his way through this nonsense next July 10th and wept uncontrollably for hours." = Comedy Gold. Cheers.
Franklin T Marmoset - John Cena by Series7	Jul 7th, 2008 08:54:09 AM
I don't follow WWE at all, but John comes on Conan all the time and he is a pretty funny guy, he doesn't take himself to seriously on late night shows. As for his acting, I never saw the Marine, but it looked like he was aiming for serious in it, even though it looked like a ridiculos movie. As for other WWE movies, never saw the scary movie either, BUT I did see The Condemned and it was pretty good. Minus the Jason Boure style editing, especially since it stared actors that really could fight (unlike Matt Damon) which was really annoying. But seeing that Rambo proved that you can shoot action with not having to quick cut everything to show action. SO I am hopeing that WWE keeps moving in the right direction towards better and better movies, and hopefully Renny Harlin isn't just picking up another paycheck. He hasn't done anythinig worth while since Deep Blue Sea, a personal favorite.
Agreed: Con Air is the shit by Franklin T Marmoset	Jul 7th, 2008 08:56:49 AM
I do enjoy that one. It's like if a Michael Bay film woke up one day and realised how utterly ludicrous it was.
Con Air is madness.. by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 09:01:02 AM
I could never call it good, but it was a hilarious ride while it was going, and one of the few times where Malkovich was taking JOY in slumming it. Now when you see him in some crap, it's like he thinks he is still on the stage or playing the version of himself from the Spike Jonze movie. In Con Air he was gnashing his teeth and taking Jaws size bites out of the scenery. Add in M.C. Gainey, Danny Trejo and Buscemi and your nutjob/sleazoid/terrifying factor has been met, leaving Malkovich all the room to wax psychotic.
Dolph Lundgren with a necklace of ears.. by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 09:08:34 AM
perfect. The rest of the movie sadly was pretty lame. Sorry Jarv. Ever see the Lundgren movie with the Sayles script? I think it was called Men of War, or something like that? It was watchable, and Dolph was good in it. Wasn't there one where Dolph fought the devil, or a henchman of the devil or something, called Minion? Never saw it, but am aware of it. It would be interesting to see how many tough guys have attempted to take on the devil/or emmisary of the devil. Arnie of course, and lets not forget Chuck Norris in that flick Hellbound. I recall little about that one, save for Norris's character's name which was priceless: Bob(or some other typical name) Shatter.
Fred say Nic Cage should stop dyeing hair jet black by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar	Jul 7th, 2008 09:11:07 AM
And get a haircut. Nic still trying to look young for Superman role - Fred say it not work. Nic started going to Keanu skool of acting in Con Air. It shows!
The Swarm book took place where I lived and the hotel I managed! by Stormwatcher	Jul 7th, 2008 09:12:18 AM
Boom! This is the German book right? About sea creatures rising up? Cuz that's the one I am talking about. Tons of Germans kept staying with us retracing the book. Tofino ho!
Senor Spielberg by Jaws Wayne	Jul 7th, 2008 09:14:26 AM
Yeah, the comparison with Emmerich wanting to be Spielberg sounds alright, but it seems Spielberg watched the director's cut of The Patriot before making his incredibly lame remake of The War of the Worlds. Or was that scene where the girl-kid was watching all those dead bodies drift by in the river from the original HG Wells book ? I could be wrong, but I can't recall seeing that in the '53 movie. In any case, Emmerich's scene which can be found in the extras section of The Patriot DVD or implemented in the Director's cut of the film is a fabulous scene and much much better better as the one Spielberg did.
Storm, no... by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 09:14:26 AM
the swarm is a Bee movie in the true sense of the word. A ton of them, a swarm even, of killer bees! I'm not familiar (or don't think I am) with the one you are talking about, but now that you mention it, I have my useless quest for the day. Sea creatures rising up? Do tell?
Speaking of Con Air by Series7	Jul 7th, 2008 09:15:22 AM
What ever happened to Dave Chapelle? And why did America let Carlos Mencia ride his wave of success? Also I tried watching Con Air like a year ago, and the dialog and acting was SOOOO bad I had to turn it off, namely Nic Cage. Put the bunny in the box.
The Swarm book....wow.. by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 09:18:16 AM
Attention Roland Emmerich..forget 2012...you want a gonzo disaster movie(written by a german no less)do this one. I haven't read it, but after Storm's mention of it I looked it up and the synopsis alone screams "FILM ME...BADLY" http://www.amazon.com/Swarm-No vel-Frank-Schatzing/dp/0060813 261
Fred say Nic Cage is a cell phone using zombie by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar	Jul 7th, 2008 09:18:45 AM
When even Zombies phone it, in must really be bad.
I'd rather eat Spaghetti out of a colostomy bag... by beefywhore	Jul 7th, 2008 09:28:19 AM
than pay to see a fucking Roland Emmerich movie. I actually snuck into The Day After Tomorrow, and I STILL felt ripped off.
Please DIE by Knugen	Jul 7th, 2008 09:29:35 AM
Emmerich and Kloser need to stop making movies and/or living.
"the president is a black" What the fuck, Beaks? by Bobo_Vision	Jul 7th, 2008 09:30:02 AM
"As a) this is a Hollywood movie, and b) the President is a black (revealed in a total "Holy shit, it's Henry Fonda!" moment), we quickly conclude that c) the planet is fucked beyond belief." Um, first, using black as a noun rather than descriptive term is unusual. Its like people who use gay as a noun. And since he's black it means "the planet is fucked beyond belief"? You've got to be kidding me right.
"...discovery of piping hot neutrinos microwaving the Earth's co by Mr. Nice Gaius	Jul 7th, 2008 09:33:37 AM
Of course! Like we haven't heard that one before, Roland! How about an unstoppable army of Alaskan King Crab rise up from the sea and start taking over the world one pinch at a time? Now, that's a movie I'll watch, Roland. THAT'S...entertainment.
Franklin T Marmoset re: Little Person President by SutureSelf	Jul 7th, 2008 09:34:44 AM
It was already done thirty years ago. See Billy Barty in Robert Downey's Putney Swope.
Emmerichs career The Ultimate Disaster Movie by Conans Sword	Jul 7th, 2008 09:35:47 AM
FUCK Emmerich. He's worse than Uwe Boll because he's managed to convince people hes a serious film maker.Anyone looking forward to this should be shot in the teeth. you heard me the fucking teeth!!!
10000 bc was splendidly stupid, and it sucked by BMacSmith	Jul 7th, 2008 09:37:10 AM
boring ass movie. i left during the climax. I'm all for blowing up shit real good, but he just sucks
How stupid will this films title be by Wheel99	Jul 7th, 2008 09:43:00 AM
when it is 2013 and the Mayan calander "doomsday" turns out to bullshit like all of the other past end of the world dates.
I'd watch MNG's movie by Lost Jarv	Jul 7th, 2008 09:43:18 AM
That sounds great. And don't be dissing Dolph. Dolph's a hero. Fuck it, I'm watching Dark Angel again tonight.
bobo. by HoboCode	Jul 7th, 2008 09:44:06 AM
Beaks was making fun of the fact that the president is frequently black in disaster movies. He's bringing light to the perhaps latent unintentional racism of portraying the commander in chief as black in a world on the brink of destruction. As far him saying "a black" it could be a sign of un-PC ignorance, or it could have ebeen a typo. Based o nthis rather intelligent review and the eloquence of his writing OI'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and say the latter.
"I wore a pink ribbon to the Oscars! I have been to several Elto by KazamaSmokers	Jul 7th, 2008 09:44:31 AM
"What's that supposed to mean?" "Elton John.... is a gay."
all this negative feedback on 10,000 BC by just pillow talk	Jul 7th, 2008 09:45:38 AM
is making me quite sad. I had really hoped for gloriously stupidness. I will still watch, but am preparing myself for the impending sadness. This though, this could be absolutely money.
ricarleite... by MCVamp	Jul 7th, 2008 09:45:59 AM
We all know Roland Emmerich could never think of anything as stupendously awesome as NY invaded by hordes of furious gorillas punching people to death. Why, that's almost Shakespearian. Where's George Lazenby when you need him?
"Can Emmerich successfully lean on Glover..." by Bobo_Vision	Jul 7th, 2008 09:46:26 AM
"...to get Harry Belafonte cast as the character of "Harry", aka the elderly musician father of Ejiofor's aide?" Why would Emmerich need to lean on Glover to get Harry Belafonte cast, Beaks? Are they really close buddies and I'm just not aware of it...or is it because they're both black? This is really fucking weird.
Guys 10,000 BC is "blissfully retarded" by HoboCode	Jul 7th, 2008 09:46:51 AM
Get it straight.
10000 bc by Series7	Jul 7th, 2008 09:48:08 AM
The poster with the sabartooth on the cliff, was more exciting then the entire movie. Especially since that scene wasn't in it.
Conans Sword by Jaws Wayne	Jul 7th, 2008 09:48:22 AM
Hey bud with the tough name, I bet you're midget sized and wear that Manowar shirt even when you go to bed. Get fuckin'lost, nothing wrong with enjoying dumb and stupid but well made popcorn B disaster flicks alright ?
so beaks hated Wanted but loved 2012 by BMacSmith	Jul 7th, 2008 09:48:42 AM

Fuck all y'all I liked ID4 by I Dunno	Jul 7th, 2008 09:48:53 AM
In the exact same way that I like the flying saucer movies of the 1950s. And Stargate was a good idea that just didn't quite work. The Day After Tomorrow was just too stupid to bear, however. I can forgive hacking an alien computer with a Mac because the rest of the movie was fun but TDAT just sucked all around. And 10,000 BC committed the worst crime a film can commit. It was boring.
pigphart5000 by Series7	Jul 7th, 2008 09:50:10 AM
What are you? I've seen you popping up every where?
pigphart5000 by Conans Sword	Jul 7th, 2008 09:50:26 AM
why the fuck do you keep saying that!!!!!!!
Spending years making a movie like 10000 BC by TheManBehindTheMask	Jul 7th, 2008 09:52:33 AM
I still can't believe someone did that... life is too short (hell, even to see it on theater)
President is "a black" in these movies because... by MCVamp	Jul 7th, 2008 09:52:40 AM
These hacks are mindful of avoiding the cliche of "black guy dies first" which is silly because 1) That cliche hasn't been used frequently in years and 2) They're unashamed of doing every other cliche to death (will a dog make a narrow escape in this too?) Adding "a black" as President eases your standard hack's "whitey guilt" by giving non-white faces a major role without actually giving them a STARRING role. It's also a lazy way to bring respectability to a shitty movie when in reality, it's the actors reputation that takes a dive, not the other way around.
sorry by TheManBehindTheMask	Jul 7th, 2008 09:53:23 AM
Bad english in my post above... I'm doing my best.
Jaws Wayne by Conans Sword	Jul 7th, 2008 09:54:43 AM
wow a cowboy and a shark you must be extra tough. i dont know what the fuck a Manowar shirt is, im guessing its some american thing, but im really very very sorry i hurt your feelings please dont tell harry on me. (jesus what a little bitch)
Is pigphart5000 friends with Equinas? by Mr. Nice Gaius	Jul 7th, 2008 09:54:44 AM
They seem to share similar tastes...
Okay, I answered my own question with google... by Bobo_Vision	Jul 7th, 2008 09:55:27 AM
...and found a picture of Danny Glover kissing Harry Belafonte on the lips, so maybe they are close and thats what Beaks was referring to. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt too that the "a" before black was a typo, and the doomed reference was because of Hollywood's portrayal too. But still, bizarro.
Coming 2012, We'll All Be PigFucked by DarthBakpao	Jul 7th, 2008 10:01:16 AM
That makes a nice tagline for the movie poster
Fred Say HoboCode is right about Beaks by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar	Jul 7th, 2008 10:02:50 AM
Anytime you see Black man be President in movie, it always end up in disaster for Earthers - that is hollywood. It not ok to use descriptive term 'A Black' to describe Black people though. It is demeaning in a historical context not to mention antiquated.
pigphart=sky_gotham by HoboCode	Jul 7th, 2008 10:06:03 AM

MCVamp by HoboCode	Jul 7th, 2008 10:07:11 AM
the cliche of the black guy dying first hasn't been used in years? Apparently you didn't see the shitty remake of The Fog. Don't.
Read it too, Mr. Beaks...it stinks! by Uncapie	Jul 7th, 2008 10:08:44 AM
The charcters weren't likeable and we've seen landmarks and cities destroyed in other films before. Who cares! How the hell do the guys get the money to finance this junk?!
Camilla Belle was in 10,000 B.C.? by Mosquito March	Jul 7th, 2008 10:13:36 AM
I thought that was Mary Steenburgen!
President Goldie Wilson? by Embeedeuce	Jul 7th, 2008 10:14:02 AM
Then who's Vice-President? Jerry Lewis? I suppose Jane Wyman is the First Lady. And Jack Benny is Secretary of the Treasury. I've had enough practical jokes for one evening. Good night, Future Boy!
If 10,000BC by Series7	Jul 7th, 2008 10:18:56 AM
Had Ra at the end, it would've made for a much better movie.
Least believable part of the whole script: by mullymt	Jul 7th, 2008 10:21:54 AM
John Cusack as a 33-year-old.
Anyone remember Dave Chapelle by Series7	Jul 7th, 2008 10:22:53 AM
take on the president of Deep Impact? Cure for aides.
Perhaps the shittiness of this movie is what Nostrodamus meant by Darth Sticky	Jul 7th, 2008 10:23:31 AM
...y'know...instead of "end of the world" prophecy, he actually meant "don't see this fucking movie."
"two of each animal species"... by Lujho	Jul 7th, 2008 10:24:46 AM
... yeah, because it's TOTALLY possible to repopulate an entire species with just 2 specimens and not encounter problems with inbreeding at all.
so 'black' is ok, but "A black' is not. a little ridiculous by BMacSmith	Jul 7th, 2008 10:27:00 AM
but whatever. i dont pay much attention to this PC crap. I thought 'black' was a racist term now too.
Forgot how awesome Kentucky Fried Movie is. by CreasyBear	Jul 7th, 2008 10:33:11 AM
Time for a repeat viewing.
Conair by HoboCode	Jul 7th, 2008 10:35:35 AM
I would be ten times more bareable without Cage's horribly inauthentic and thoroughly grating Southern drawl.
Oh come on, with Emmy, you know what you're getting by DrAstroZoom	Jul 7th, 2008 10:35:42 AM
... so quit yer bitchin' and pass the popcorn!
What the fuck is the backdrop? by mr.brownstone	Jul 7th, 2008 10:36:04 AM
I second that. What the fuck is it?
Ok whats the deal with Cusack by Series7	Jul 7th, 2008 10:37:05 AM
playing the divorced dad in every movie he's in now?
brownstone by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 10:38:29 AM
it's the starship in ID4 blowing up the whitehouse. That big expanse of white in the middle is the WH being consumed in flames.
This Isn't The Whitley Strieber 2012 Movie Is It? by www.valiens.com	Jul 7th, 2008 10:40:14 AM
2012: The War For Souls, written by Strieber...Michael Bay is involved...this isn't that, is it?
Lujho: "two of each animal species" by mbeemer	Jul 7th, 2008 10:41:59 AM
Hey, it worked for Noah!
So after finally reading that by Series7	Jul 7th, 2008 10:46:41 AM
I guess this isn't the sequel to Apoclypto?
Poo by TroutMaskReplicant	Jul 7th, 2008 10:55:27 AM
Perhaps it's time to eat shit and die...
So.. can we expect an X-Files movie about 2012..? by Aeghast	Jul 7th, 2008 10:59:01 AM
Hurrrmmm..?
anyone recall the alleged sequel pitch for ID4? by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 11:00:29 AM
I seem to recall it being seriously talked about for a while that the plot would involve the president being infected and potentially dying from his mind meld with the alien in the first film, and then Smith, Goldblum and company actually shrking down Fantastic Voyage/Inner Space style and doing battle with some alien virus or what not. Does anyone recall hearing this? It would have been quite a while ago-97 or 98?
Space Arks by Autodidact	Jul 7th, 2008 11:05:11 AM
I'm there for any movie with space arks.
Sounds like the worst film of all time by MontyPigeon	Jul 7th, 2008 11:07:51 AM
It's going to be so unbelievably bad that Emmerich will personally pay you to download it, a week after it's released in theatres.
This is being made by the SciFi channel, right? by V'Shael	Jul 7th, 2008 11:13:34 AM
I mean, it sounds like one of theirs....
Fred Thinks Laser Blast worst film all time by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar	Jul 7th, 2008 11:19:51 AM
Fred's Mom saw it before Fred born, that why Fred is man Fred is today.
Don't write RZA off yet, Danny by MontyPigeon	Jul 7th, 2008 11:22:37 AM
He has a love for Kung Fu films and it could pay off. Especially under Tarantinos' wing. Admittedly Emmerich has a fascination of destroying the human race in nearly all of his movies but I have yet to see one which is actually good. I pray for the day when RZA starts making movies about killing Roland Emmerich, now that's the right direction to go in.
Laserblast.. by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 11:23:15 AM
that's just the tip of the bad movie iceberg. It has been mentioned many times, but Troll 2 may honestly hold that title. Also, there was Shrunken Heads...now that...wow.
Worst Film All-Time by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 11:23:46 AM
The Mangler, only film I walked out of the theatre
Troll 2 is GREAT by Lost Jarv	Jul 7th, 2008 11:25:56 AM
Nilbog, Nilbog, Nilbog In fact, if I get banned again, that's going to be my new ID. NILBOG Jarv
Worst Film of all Time by Lost Jarv	Jul 7th, 2008 11:26:47 AM
Forrest Gump. You heard me. Nothing ever made will be as bad as that putrid piece of festering misogynistic propaganda. And I'm usually up for some misogyny in films.
Battlefield Earth. Still the worst for me. Then Plan 9. by V'Shael	Jul 7th, 2008 11:27:27 AM
But Battlefield Earth is kind of awesome in its badness. By that I mean, I'm in AWE of how bad it managed to be.
In all seriousness by Lost Jarv	Jul 7th, 2008 11:28:24 AM
It's impossible to hit "worst of all time". To do it, you have to pass through so-bad-it's awesomeland, slay the dragon of cheesy fun and then throw yourself on the sword of boredom. I would seriously consider Brown Bunny for the title.
as far as big loud ridiculously vacuous movies go.. by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 11:28:43 AM
it is going to be pretty hard to top Armageddon. That movie was so loud, overblown and aggressive that annoyed me not just the one time I saw it, but all summer 98 long, when you could continuously hear it trying to blow the wall out of the theater, even when you were in another theater already watching a movie. Nothing like watching Saving Private Ryan during that quiet scene in the farmhouse and realizing that the yelling and thunder you hear is Bruce and company wacking out on a big styrofoam rock over in theater 4.
Troll 2 is on my by Series7	Jul 7th, 2008 11:29:30 AM
Netflicks queue, it better be fucking great! My vote for worst movie ever would be Da Vinci Code, god what a terrible terrible movie.
or Father's Day by Lost Jarv	Jul 7th, 2008 11:29:31 AM
Robin Williams and Billy Crystal. Williams raps in German. Apparently this is hysterical. It isn't.
Fred think Nightfall was also diaper stink by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar	Jul 7th, 2008 11:30:25 AM
Once gain Fred mom's saw that before Fred born. Fred see pattern.
Another terrific article, Beaks by Drunken Rage	Jul 7th, 2008 11:30:45 AM
Anything that contains references to both "Pootie Tang" and "Bless the Beasts and the Children" gets a big thumbs up.
Not to piss anyone off by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 11:33:14 AM

OOPS by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 11:34:02 AM
Not to piss anyone off but Indy4 might be in my top 5 worst of all time
Both Da VInci code and Battlefield Earth are good shouts by Lost Jarv	Jul 7th, 2008 11:35:25 AM
But I nominate teh British Made Demi Moore Stinker: Half Light. DO NOT WATCH. EVER.
Yes, obviously Gigli, Batman and Robin by Lost Jarv	Jul 7th, 2008 11:36:13 AM
at least one Star Wars Prequel, The Lost World and Indy 4 are all worth a mention.
Nightfall...also junk by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 11:37:07 AM
again really just a terrible tread through boring-land. Though it doesn't hold a candle to another flick brought up the other day: Solar Babies! Jarv is right though. If you are truly on a hunt for the worst, then you do have to go beyond so good it's bad or even so much potential wasted(which is where Troll 2 and even Armageddon live) and venture into the nocturnal, cold world of "direct to video and pretentious art-house wierdness. That, I believe, is where the true monsters live. Consider such awful, meandering fare as Sourdough- a movie about an old crochety dude who wants to go live on some fabled mountain, only to find a bunch of slaughtered animals when he gets there, after an hour and half of watching the old coot talk about going there, while he walks about in circles. Behold, Tale of a Vampire with Julian Sands and home video style production about vampires that ...wait for it..work in the library and do little else. And then there is To Catch A Yeti, with Meatloaf in it, and a child who keeps screaming to his parents.."Get me that yeti, or I'll make your lives hell."
Blood Gnome... by DocPazuzu	Jul 7th, 2008 11:37:36 AM
...is pretty awful, but I'd have to say Omega Doom is one of THE absolute worst. In a bad way.
Worst movie? Screamers. by HoboCode	Jul 7th, 2008 11:39:17 AM
Fucking awful.
I second Half Light. by DocPazuzu	Jul 7th, 2008 11:39:49 AM
Horrible.
How bout entire series that went crap? by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 11:40:35 AM
For instance is there a more terrible trilogy than Curse, Curse 2 and Curse 3? One was about meteor poisoning turning people into crazy slop, 2 was about a man turning into a were-snake, 3 was about some tribal curse and I think Chris Lee poked his head in for a moment.
Fred just spoke to Freds Mom about bad movies by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar	Jul 7th, 2008 11:41:24 AM
Fred's mom said Attack of Killer Tomatoes was worst movie she ever saw. Fred never saw that one, but Fred still detect pattern in Freds mom's movie watching and Fred's later behavior in life. Fred think Fred's mom have questionable taste in movies.
Megiddo: Omega Code 2... by DocPazuzu	Jul 7th, 2008 11:41:27 AM
...is one of the greatest bad movies I've ever seen. It's superb on so many levels of crap.
The Dark... by DocPazuzu	Jul 7th, 2008 11:42:46 AM
...with Sean Bean is also bad on the Half Light level, i e simply dreadful with no redeeming qualities.
All Mr Bean movies by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 11:43:09 AM

Doc, that is right-on by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 11:43:34 AM
Best moment in Megiddo was when Michael Bien loads his gun, and says "The Lord giveth.." locks and loads,"and the Lord taketh away." And all of this from a supposedly serious attempt at a christian film.
How about The Dark from 94, I think.. by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 11:44:23 AM
with Neve Campbell and a giant subterannean rodent being hunted by Brion James?
Jonah Echo by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar	Jul 7th, 2008 11:45:00 AM
Fred not see any of those DTV moveies, but Fred thinks just from way you describe them, that they be even worse than Mothers Day
Great bad movie: by DocPazuzu	Jul 7th, 2008 11:45:13 AM
Howling 2. Holy shit that movie's incredible. Reb Brown, bad special effects, Sybil Danning's hooters (same scene shown 20 times over end credits), Christopher Lee in pseudo-punky new wave outfit and incomprehensible plot. GOLD!
I know what you did last summer by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 11:45:59 AM
bad, Also a terrible title
Jonah Echo by DocPazuzu	Jul 7th, 2008 11:46:04 AM
Anything, ANYTHING, with Brion James is automatically watchable.
Also, anything after the original with the word by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 11:46:16 AM
Howling in the title. Howling: New Moon Rising is definitely one of the worst movies ever being basically a country line dancing tutorial mixed with clips from the previous movies to save on fx.
Worst movie of all time talk by classyfredblassy	Jul 7th, 2008 11:47:13 AM
What, no "shark attack 3: megladon" or "Mansquito"? come on people. Now fuck off.
Brion James.. by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 11:48:16 AM
yes, Doc, and actually The Dark was quite watchable. I guess I switched gears from "worst" to fun-bad again. One scene hada guy screaming at James "Your'e worse than the creature" and James just doing that drunken hyena laugh he had. Brion James was B-movie fun. It's a shame he passed away.
Undisputed Worst Film of All Time (tie) by MCVamp	Jul 7th, 2008 11:48:40 AM
"Tyler Perry's (Insert Any Tyler Perry Film Title Here)"
I think Hancock might rank up there with the worst ever by BMacSmith	Jul 7th, 2008 11:48:50 AM
i left after he went to the hospital. didnt really care to finish it. pretty boring. was the ending any good? i dont really even care.
What about "Bats"?? by classyfredblassy	Jul 7th, 2008 11:48:51 AM
Starring La Bomba and the hot ass red head from Starship Troopers?
Sorry guys, I know its a cliche but I gotta go with by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks	Jul 7th, 2008 11:49:27 AM
House of the Dead. Truly the worst film I ever watched.
Fred Nominate Phantom of the Paradise by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar	Jul 7th, 2008 11:50:21 AM
As second worse movie of all time. Fred qualifies bad movies as being made by directors who try to make a good movie, not directors who intentionally set out to make dreck.
The English Patient by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 11:50:24 AM

Stephen King has a few bad adaptations to his name. by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 11:51:11 AM
The Mangler as mentioned.. but for bottom-barrel work, consider: Maximum Overdrive Trucks Thinner Graveyard Shift and dear Lord help you if you have seen or heard of this one.. The Devil's Gift(loosely based on his short story The Monkey)
Hey Beaks* by monsieur verdoux	Jul 7th, 2008 11:51:20 AM
Keep that asterisk shit back at CHUD. It's annoying as hell* *See, I told you.
Burial Ground, or... by DocPazuzu	Jul 7th, 2008 11:51:21 AM
...The Nights of Terror as it's also called. Funniest bad Italian zombie movie EVER. "Mother, this cloth smells of DEATH!"
Yeah Bats was terrible by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks	Jul 7th, 2008 11:51:31 AM
but when people in HOTD died, and the camera spun around as it turned to red...... It took some of my soul.
Jonah by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 11:53:39 AM
Thinner is so bad. Good call. Never saw the Devil's Gift but read the story
Bats was awful. by DocPazuzu	Jul 7th, 2008 11:54:44 AM
However, as long as we're talking Lou Diamond Philips here, Route 666 was much worse.
1408 by Series7	Jul 7th, 2008 11:55:05 AM
For worst Steven King movie. Gah what a boring useless movie.
The House Behind the Cemetary is fuckin woefull by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks	Jul 7th, 2008 11:55:55 AM
I swear there is a moment when the killer is stalking, the music stops, he walks offscreen and it starts up again. As if his job wasn't hard enough, tha poor cunt has to swap vinyl sides to keep the atmosphere crankin.
Series7 by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 11:56:05 AM
Yeah they should have left that great short story alone.
Series7 by DocPazuzu	Jul 7th, 2008 11:56:55 AM
I'm with you there. 1408 was a piece of turgid, soulless shit.
Fred say Hancock not really bad - just need more time by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar	Jul 7th, 2008 11:57:12 AM
They should not have wrapped up movie so quickly, could have used added 20/30 minutes. Still it not bad movie, and it had one scene that Fred thought was funniest description of what had just happened (in prison) that Fred has ever seen in - Fred not joking. It involved prison fight and Jason Batemen asking Will Smith if he did what Bateman just heard he did. Fred still laughing.
Thinner is disqualified... by MCVamp	Jul 7th, 2008 11:58:17 AM
Because as recently as this year, I have heard at least five people reference the single memorable moment of that movie: "I curse you...THEEEN-AIRRR!" That kind of contribution has to take Thinner at least out of the bottom 20.
Nightshift by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 11:59:45 AM
Another Stephen King debacle of a film
Whattabout Ghost in the Machine by NomoredirtyjokespleaseweareYanks	Jul 7th, 2008 11:59:58 AM
the first film I ever walked out of.
Gymkata is the greatest bad movie of all time by krullboyisback	Jul 7th, 2008 11:59:59 AM
Come on Kurt Thomas? Parmistan? Ninja cannibals? CIA? Fuck me that movie was so bad it was good, and TNT showed it all the time in the mid 1990s
Or was it Graveyard Shift? by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 12:00:19 PM

The Patriot and Stargate by MattmanReturns	Jul 7th, 2008 12:00:22 PM
Are the only Emmerich films that withstand the test of time. Anyone else agree? I watched the Patriot over the weekend and was impressed with the visuals, most of the characters, John Williams' score, and the unabashed killing of unkillable characters.
Loved Gymkata when I was a kid by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 12:01:55 PM
Wonder what it would be like now. Probably unwatchable
MCVAMP..ok, you are right.. by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 12:02:50 PM
doesn't make it any less bad, and the scene with the gypsy guy laughing like a loon driving a semi=priceless. Mantegna was so out of place in that. A few more bad titles: Rumplestiltskin(the horror movie, with Rumple looking like a large version of that little troll from Cat's Eye) Grim-a giant troll in a maze Jack Frost: the killer snowman flick or the Michael Keaton dead snowman dad flick, take your pick. Skeeter...nuff said.
Jack Frost by DocPazuzu	Jul 7th, 2008 12:05:04 PM
Good God, they're both horrible, but at least the horror one could have been so bad it was good. Don't know how, but they managed to fuck up a scene of snowman shower rape.
Day After Tomorrow Sucked...Hard by grungies	Jul 7th, 2008 12:07:12 PM
I'll admit the apocalypse itself was thrillingly bombastic, but once the actual plot got started I couldn't have been more bored. This coming from a guy who enjoyed the gloriously stupid Independence Day.
"Family" Jack Frost was scarier than "Horror" Jack Frost... by MCVamp	Jul 7th, 2008 12:07:23 PM
So both movies deserve dishonorable mention.
Yor: Hunter from the Future by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 12:08:07 PM
how bout that?
Great Bad movie by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 12:08:20 PM
Red Sonja
Uh, don't forget BLOODRAYNE. by Mr. Nice Gaius	Jul 7th, 2008 12:10:26 PM

How about Ghoulies. . . Mariska Hargitay's by krullboyisback	Jul 7th, 2008 12:10:30 PM
first role. . .
Scariest movie recently was Hairspray by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 12:10:54 PM
Did you see John Travolta???
so he's president in 2012, and mayor in 2019? by ironic_name	Jul 7th, 2008 12:11:46 PM
I guess the survivors forgive him for not evacuating sooner.
SPACE TRUCKERS by Mr. Nice Gaius	Jul 7th, 2008 12:12:07 PM
Now, there's a bad movie that cracks me up. Anti-gravity beer!
hes not he's by ironic_name	Jul 7th, 2008 12:12:13 PM

The Ringer and Dukes of hazard by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 12:12:23 PM
Two Knoxville shitters
Red Sonja by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 12:12:59 PM
It's pretty bad, but it's definitely more entertaining bad. Best part is where Sonja is doing backflips and it's so clear its a man wearing a red wig. Also, no Nelisen jokes. She still had semblances of femininity back then. Defcon 4 is pretty much straight crap. As is Squirm.
Superman IV: The Quest for Peace by MCVamp	Jul 7th, 2008 12:13:39 PM
For so many reasons.
J.C., age 33 and a boy named noah by ironic_name	Jul 7th, 2008 12:13:56 PM
I wonder if john cusack as jack curtis will sacrifice himself, and if his son noah will get on an ark?
Ghoulies was crappy by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 12:14:23 PM
but part 4 took the cake there. They couldnt even afford ghoulie puppets. They were just two midgets wearing paper mache masks.
Jonah by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 12:14:41 PM
Did you hear they are remaking Red Sonja...why???
Jack Frost was AWESEOME! by Series7	Jul 7th, 2008 12:15:16 PM
Did anyone see the sequel? I never did.
Jack Frost was AWESEOME! by Series7	Jul 7th, 2008 12:15:25 PM
Did anyone see the sequel? I never did.
leonard part 6 and the avengers are the worst. by ironic_name	Jul 7th, 2008 12:15:29 PM

About Bloodrayne, I saw a hilarious documentary by krullboyisback	Jul 7th, 2008 12:15:48 PM
about vampires in film; they talked about the greats (Blade, Interview with the Vampire, The Hunger, etc) and also talked about Bloodrayne. I can't tell you how hilarious it was to hear Uwe Boll and Kristana Lokken talk serious about the emotional depth of the film. HA HA HA!!!
mentioned this last week.. by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 12:16:14 PM
but Eyes of Fire is up there as well. Anyone see this garbage from the 80s?
Defcon 4 by Series7	Jul 7th, 2008 12:16:47 PM
Isn't Emmerichs muse Dean Devlein in that?
Space Truckers by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 12:17:05 PM
square pigs!
he's, you were right the first time by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 12:17:24 PM

If we are lucky.... by TVguy4566	Jul 7th, 2008 12:17:35 PM
The world will end before this movie comes out. I can't see the world's destruction based on a calender created by a dead civilization being anymore painful than watching this movie. Emmerich should really quite making movies.
Silent Deadly Night 5 by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 12:18:13 PM
which featured killer toys, Mickey Rooney as Joe Petto and his son was a murderous marionette robot.
I saw that Krullboy by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 12:18:59 PM
Fucking hilarious. Kristana especially was very serious about the depth of the character...ha ha ha
"Emmerich should really quite making movies" by ironic_name	Jul 7th, 2008 12:19:10 PM
hehe
Worst movie ever? by Hawaiian Organ Donor	Jul 7th, 2008 12:19:26 PM
Didn't we have this conversation on another thread recently? I agree with The Glove. Given the pedigree, Indy 4 may be at or close to the top. But then I think of Ghost Rider, Silver Surfer, Failure to Launch, The Family Stone, Elizabethtown, The Avengers, Friends With Money, Gosford Park, AvP 1&2, Chronicles of Riddick, Signs, Van Helsing, Battlefield Earth and Mission to Mars and suddenly all of those are at the top of my list. Emmerich might have given us 10,000 B.C., The Day After Tomorrow and Godzilla, but I'll stand behind The Patriot, ID4 and Universal Soldier anyday. Unfortunately Stargate was only good on the first viewing but I'll give it a pass since I think it helped to jumpstart Hollywood's renewed interest in sci-fi after almost a decade of duds.
Will Smith by pumaman	Jul 7th, 2008 12:19:50 PM
clearly missed the point with Bad Boys 2. That was fucking terrible and unfunny as all hell.
As for Con Air and Armeggedon by TVguy4566	Jul 7th, 2008 12:20:09 PM
At least the actors knew those movies were crap and gave enjoyable, but over-the-top performances that at least made those movies guilty pleasures. Other than for Independence Day, most of the actors play it straight in Emmerich movies which gives you nothing to fall back on when Emmerich delivers barely registing plots or narrative.
Chud II: Bud the Chud is another classic film by krullboyisback	Jul 7th, 2008 12:21:32 PM

Fuck Emerich! by Crackles	Jul 7th, 2008 12:22:55 PM
I completely gave up on Emerich after watching Jake Gyllenhaal RUNNING FROM COLD WEATHER....Are you fucking kidding me Emerich!! Day After Tomorrow should be in the comedy genre....I was laughing my ass off! I tried to watch 10000 BC but it was the biggest fucking snooze fest of the year!! 2012 isn't getting my $8.50!
And don't forget "They Call me Bruce" by krullboyisback	Jul 7th, 2008 12:23:00 PM

Or They Still Call Me Bruce by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 12:23:31 PM

THINNER by classyfredblassy	Jul 7th, 2008 12:25:19 PM
Sorry but I got thing for hot chicks dressed up like Gypsies. Woodie Alert: http://www.djfl.de/entertainme nt/djfl/1095/bilder/109898b2.j p g
Pondsum by Crackles	Jul 7th, 2008 12:25:23 PM
It's nice to see an AVP-R hater!! Fuck those assholes for making that cool Red Band Trailer and making me spend my money on that piece of shit movie!!!!
Liquid Sky by KazamaSmokers	Jul 7th, 2008 12:25:26 PM

Zohan was pretty fucking bad by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 12:26:06 PM
Sandler sounded French half the movie
Bricktops Hammer I never saw the sequel by krullboyisback	Jul 7th, 2008 12:26:39 PM
was it any good?
Jack Frost gets a pass too... by classyfredblassy	Jul 7th, 2008 12:27:24 PM
Because it starred UBER MILF Kelly Preston.
Good call on The English Patient by Hawaiian Organ Donor	Jul 7th, 2008 12:28:15 PM
I still think we're living in bizarro world where everything is reversed as that was the worst movie of the year and yet was named best movie of the year. Same thing happened again with Crash and Million Dollar Baby.
Oh, hey, NOTHING BUT TROUBLE. by MCVamp	Jul 7th, 2008 12:28:27 PM
Goddamn that was bad.
A couple of Nic Cages films: Next, Ghost Rider, Sonny, by GQtaste	Jul 7th, 2008 12:28:28 PM
The Wicker Man,Windtalkers, Captain Corelli's Mandolin just to name a few. And those are pretty fucking bad!
Bud the Chud! good call! by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 12:29:42 PM
And yes, we had this conv elsewhere, but there it was more "name the bad or B movie" than compiling a list. Always up for playing the ID game though. I mentioned this earlier, but has anyone seen Making Contact? I tihnk it was called Joey elsewhere. It was an early Roland Emmerich film, but it might have been better than his more recent fare. I can't recall much of it, save for a kid with powers, a mannequin, a giant "cheeseburger" and an end scene where they toys in a kid's room were floating.
Krullboy by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 12:30:35 PM
As terribly good as the original my friend. "With my right foot I will kick your face, with my left, I will kick your nose, look at my face, I'm an oriental"
And to be honest I really fucking hated his side by GQtaste	Jul 7th, 2008 12:31:24 PM
kick from the National Tresure films. The dude that played the retard in Gigli? He got on my very last nerve!
Bricktops Hammer, my grandparents had Bruce on Beta by krullboyisback	Jul 7th, 2008 12:32:57 PM
and I think my sister and I watched it about a million times. . .of course when you are 5 the sex and race jokes go a little over your head, to say nothing of the Hare Krishna DEA agents. I fucking love that part
Hawaiian by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 12:33:18 PM
Thanks, I never understood that award either. fucking awful boring movie. Crash was shite too. Million Dollar Baby (while I didn't love it) at least kept me interested
A SAMUEL L. BRONKOWITZ PRODUCTION by g-ride9000	Jul 7th, 2008 12:34:52 PM

Critters was laughably bad in a good way too by krullboyisback	Jul 7th, 2008 12:35:46 PM
must kill Krites
Clerks 2 by Hawaiian Organ Donor	Jul 7th, 2008 12:35:48 PM
Talk about garbage. Belongs up there with Transporter 2 as the only movie in recent years I rented and turned off in the first 15 minutes.
Krullboy by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 12:36:47 PM
I forgot about the Hare Krishna agents. Now I wanna go back and watch that crapfest again. I just found out my sister's a closet Sci-Fi junky. How cool is that?
Carlito's Way 2 by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 12:38:19 PM
Not even sure why it was made. Garbage
Matrix Reloaded will always be the worst movie ever by BMacSmith	Jul 7th, 2008 12:39:15 PM
case closed!
Cool Bricktops Hammer. Also, just found out that by krullboyisback	Jul 7th, 2008 12:39:37 PM
someone has put the entire "They Call Me Bruce" movie in segments on Youtube. . . I just watched the first few minutes and was crying my eyes out laughing at the overtly racist theme song played during the title credits, "Oriental Boy"!!! Priceless!
President Goldie Wilson... by Kid Z	Jul 7th, 2008 12:39:50 PM
...Geez! The evil presidential aide should be Biff Tannen!
Loved Critters too, so terribly good by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 12:40:08 PM

The English Patient by HoboCode	Jul 7th, 2008 12:41:14 PM
I hate that movie with the white hot passion of a thousand suns. TERRIBLE!
I gotta check that out by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 12:41:34 PM
They should make a Bruce 3: They will always call me Bruce
BMacSmith by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 12:42:41 PM
Revolutions is way worse than Reloaded in my opinion
Bricktops hammer by Hawaiian Organ Donor	Jul 7th, 2008 12:43:36 PM
Million Dollar Baby was nearly as heavy-handed, ham-fisted as Crash. The over the top German boxer at the end? Jeeeeeezus. They had so many stereotypes in that movie I don't know why they stopped short of the Mexican tomato picker, the Italian pizzeria owner with the curly moustache, the cute kid dying of leukemia, the a-hole boss banging his secretary and the tour bus full of Japanese snapping pictures.
at least Revolutions had a mech thing. even if it sucked by BMacSmith	Jul 7th, 2008 12:45:33 PM
and no rave scene. that automatically makes it better than Reloaded.
Bruce 3 would be awesome!! by krullboyisback	Jul 7th, 2008 12:45:57 PM
But in this one, Bruce has to enter a tournament and fight Jean Claude Van Dam
10,000 BC... by Kid Z	Jul 7th, 2008 12:45:58 PM
...If you're gonna make a stupid-ass caveman movie and you're gonna have the obligatory "sexy cavegirl" character, and if you're gonna cast Camilla Belle... then DAMMIT(!) at least costume her in a barely-held-together fur bikini for chrissakes! It's just simple, b-move, common sense. I wasted two hours of my life watching this thing in hi-def on OnDemand and never saw a glimpse of Camilla-skin... I mean was that tribe some kinda cave-Taliban or something? Camilla in a fur-burka just don't cut it!
Hawaiian by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 12:46:40 PM
I concede. Only saw MDB once which, for me means I didn't care for it. I rewatch almost everything i enjoy. Unemployment rocks!!
How bout all those BMX movies from the 80s.. by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 12:46:59 PM
like Rad? Nothing screams suspension of disbelief like watching a snot nosed kid ride his bmx up onto a dumpster and then leap over a speeding station wagon. Booyah! And how bout bad that tries hard to be so good it's bad, but is just bad? Saturday the 14th and Saturday the 14th Strikes Back.
And Martin Caiden's "Exit Earth" sits neglected. by Fred	Jul 7th, 2008 12:48:25 PM
Great cheesey Space Ark end o' the earth masterpiece sans earthquakes.
Yeah mean by Series7	Jul 7th, 2008 12:48:30 PM
Supercross? From like 3 years ago?
The Rave Scene by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 12:50:03 PM
easily the worst thing in the trilogy but Revolutions made me wanna go up on the stage and rip the movie screen down. The whole movie!
The Matrix Reloaded wouldn't even be the worst movie by Hawaiian Organ Donor	Jul 7th, 2008 12:50:09 PM
Ever made if it was the ONLY movie ever made. Not even if I was hypotized to think it was the worst movie ever made would I call it the worst movie ever made.
Now you know why Hollywood only does remakes and sequels by TVguy4566	Jul 7th, 2008 12:58:19 PM
If this is the best original blockbuster they can come up with, I say keep on making remakes, sequels and comic book movies. At least they seem to have perfected the comic book movie thing (Iron Man, Incredible Hulk, Wanted, looks like The Dark Knight if early reviews are on the mark).
American Werewolf in Paris by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 12:58:24 PM
and Mortal Kombat: Annihilation shoot for worst sequels ever. Fly 2, Food of the Gods 2. But then you have House 2, which was awesomely craptastic. John Ratzenberger in that flick cracks me up every time.
Real Men by Hawaiian Organ Donor	Jul 7th, 2008 12:58:39 PM
I hadn't thought about that in years. Wasn't there a cheesy encounter with an alien at the end for an exchange of a glass of water for either the good package or The Big Gun? I spent an entire summer watching that on HBO.
The worst movie ever made is Children of the Dead by General Crom	Jul 7th, 2008 12:59:32 PM
So I don't have any fucking idea what crack you're smoking if you think it's matrix 2.Belluci's tits alone are worth the admission.
Hawaiian by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 12:59:46 PM
You confused me. Neither is the worst movie ever made by a longshot. Just very disappointing after the fabulous "The Matrix". Bring back Joey Pants!
How bout Parents? by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 01:00:10 PM
I kept thinking it should be good, but, at least in my eyes, it never made it. Bob Balaban directed, and Randy Quaid was the papa cannibal. Boring.
people who like Reloaded just like Keanu man ass! by BMacSmith	Jul 7th, 2008 01:00:22 PM
terrible special effects: check worst dialogue since Star Wars Ep I: check inane plot that goes nowhere: check completely lacking in anything resembling depth (yet still manages to convince people its deep): check completely pointless fight scenes: check completely ignoring the first movie: double check man nudity: check Belucci nudity: no check! rave scene: check white Milli Vanilli: check Trinity kick overused to the point of parody: check bad acting: check anything else i forgot? need i go on?
It's not the worst if it doesn't star Pauly Shore by MontyPigeon	Jul 7th, 2008 01:02:10 PM
No matter how bad you think the film that you regard as the worst is, it doesn't come close.
Bio-Dome by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 01:04:24 PM
Good call Monty...."there's a ground Monty"
I'd put Inland Empire by Series7	Jul 7th, 2008 01:12:55 PM
on a list of worst movies. I know its forbided to nay say the Lynch and to be deemed as a "you just don't get it" type of person, but that movie was terrible. There was no reason to sit through it, if I wanted to watch and hour and a half of black screen with random scenes you could see, I'd watch my old ass TV at night. How that movie made 3 million dollars is beyond me.
idioticy??? by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 01:14:14 PM
are you really calling US stupid. Also "they don't audiences as a pack of idiots". C'mon man
Having watched Alien vs. Predator over the weekend by Xiphos_2	Jul 7th, 2008 01:15:02 PM
I nominate that cinematic after birth as the single worse festering sack of shit I have ever seen. It had zero bad movie redeeming quality. Zip, zero, zilch, nil, nada, none, nien, and nyet.
I agree Series7 by Bricktops hammer	Jul 7th, 2008 01:16:35 PM
Lynch is so weird I usually lose interest halfway through. Maybe I "don't get it" but I like to be entertained, my bad
Matrix sequels. by HoboCode	Jul 7th, 2008 01:19:40 PM
Man I hate when people shit on these movies. They were pretty awesome. I'll give you that the rave scene was a little overdone, the multiple Neo fight CGI was a joke (towards the end), the Architect was needlessly pedantic, Kid's storyline annoying, and the "war's over" ending was weak, but the movies still kick ass. The same breathtaking action from the first film (which is overrated to begin with) is in the two sequels. I lvoed the highway chace scene in Reloaded, and the final fight between Smith and Neo is one of the sweetest battles ever put on screen.
My two cents.... by Crackles	Jul 7th, 2008 01:19:53 PM
Critters is fucking Classic! And the Matrix Trilogy rocks!!! Fuck you fools!Oh and Long Live Speed Racer!!! Sorry Speed that people are so closed minded...I guess they're afraid bright colors and originality. It's a movie based on a cartoon for cryin out loud!
Bricktops hammer by Series7	Jul 7th, 2008 01:21:08 PM
Yeah, read any review of that movie though. Its like they can't not love it, its so good. Lynch gets his dick sucked way too much by critics and fans.
Don't Know Which Is Worse... by mrbeaks	Jul 7th, 2008 01:26:29 PM
... NOTHING BUT TROUBLE or HAUNTED HONEYMOON. Both are depressing wastes of talent.
Xiphos_2 by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar	Jul 7th, 2008 01:27:54 PM
Fred thinks you forgot to mention Nee! As in Knights who say
Xi! by just pillow talk	Jul 7th, 2008 01:28:39 PM
I think the NY Mess and D-backs have the same record now, or one game difference. Yikes!
Come on by Series7	Jul 7th, 2008 01:28:46 PM
Nothing But Trouble had that sweet Digital Underground song Same Song.
Haunted Honeymoon by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 01:29:14 PM
A travesty to be sure. As was The Radioland Murders, which happened to have a certain Mr. Lucas name on it somewhere.
D-War...also a trainwreck... by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 01:29:51 PM

i will never believe Reloaded was anything less than... by BMacSmith	Jul 7th, 2008 01:31:15 PM
the worst piece of shit movie ever put on screen. I will fight to the death for my right to preach about the suckitude of that 'film'. I actively hate it. HATE! maybe Revolutions was worse, but my expectations were so low by then i couldnt tell.
Fred Nominate Dr. Detroit as Third worst movie by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar	Jul 7th, 2008 01:32:36 PM
Dan Ackroyd on roll
Fred Nominate D.C. Cab as Fourth worst movie all time by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar	Jul 7th, 2008 01:34:25 PM
Honorable mention to Mr. T
And while we are mentioning Ackroyd comedies.. by Jonah Echo	Jul 7th, 2008 01:36:01 PM
let's not leave Mikey Bay's Pearl Harbor out of the conversation.
Fred Nominate Over The Top as Fifth worst movie by Freds_Balls_in_a_Mason_Jar	Jul 7th, 2008 01:37:05 PM
Fred think this tied with Rhinestone, but Fred liked Dolly's hoo-has, so Fred give nod to OTT
Xiphos by Hawaiian Organ Donor	Jul 7th, 2008 01:38:28 PM
AvP:R was beyond garbage. One of those rare movies with not one single redeemable second. And what's worse is that they put the whole project in the hands of these bums known as the Brothers Strause who weren't even old enough to see either Aliens or Predator in the theater.
Favorite Emmerich flick by Mattyboy122	Jul 7th, 2008 01:42:16 PM
Is probably The Patriot, which is kind of like picking the winner of a beauty contest between the bearded lady and the elephant man. What's funny about The Patriot is that Emmerich is clearly trying to restrain his action movie sensibilities in favor of telling more of a sincere, somber epic, and I think the film, ironically, works better when it's trying to be the epic than when it goes into Revolutionary War-era action movie insanity. But the fact that such a conflict in tone exists in the flick really gives it a schizophrenic bent, but that's better, I think, than the out and out shittiness that dominates the rest of his work.
I'm going to get flamed hard for this by Hawaiian Organ Donor	Jul 7th, 2008 01:43:55 PM
But as bad as Pearl Harbor was, at least it had the attack scene so at least a miniscule amount of redemption. You need to see the director's cut and afterwards you'll give Bay credit for pulling off something on such a huge scale that seemlessly blends practical and GC effects. There are a few shots where there is so much going on and yet it all looks perfect, it makes you wonder why they weren't interested in actually building a good movie around it.
Hawaiian by just pillow talk	Jul 7th, 2008 01:49:03 PM
You make the large assumption that someone could watch that movie and make it to that point in the first place.
Hawaiian Organ Donor by Mr. Nice Gaius	Jul 7th, 2008 01:49:40 PM
Nah. But you should be flamed hard for dissing GOSFORD PARK!
The glorious conundrum of the ID4 ending by I am_NOTREAL	Jul 7th, 2008 01:50:57 PM
Is that it simultaneously isn't nearly as bad as it typically is made out to be, and yet it still completely blows.
HOD I meant AVP:R by Xiphos_2	Jul 7th, 2008 01:53:04 PM
I was in a rush and fucked that one up. Fuck me r

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