Thanks.

(Spoiler alert, maybe?)

SUPER SPLOOG FROM THE STAINS ON MY FUCK RAG

My God ... The Godfather would be a great movie if only ONE PERSON ON EARTH saw it. The Last Action Hero is absurdly bad, even if EVERY HUMAN BEING WHO'S EVER LIVED EVER sees it. Even if they revive corpses back to life, sit them down and charge them $1 million dollars a pop to rewatch it over and over again for all eternity.

Why ... in HOLY HELL!!!!!!!! ... are film geeks going online, taking the time to get an AICN account, and spend their weekends talkbacking about how much studio execs are making or not making as if it has anything whatsoever to do with the qualify of the film!?!

Is it at all funny, or ironic, or ... anything at all to you guys that there's a Donnie Darko sequel being discussed? (To say nothing of a SR sequel, which - no matter how many times you declare it "teh worstest movie evers" - has enough support that they're not going all Incredible Hulk reboot for part II.) Does it maybe say something about how films take time to be recognized as either successful or not? Maybe that the ALMIGHTY, HOLIEST OF HOLIES first weekend BO receipts maybe DON'T tell you everything there is to say about the essence of a film?

Please, please, please either stop pretending your a fan of movies or go to HollywoodSaloon.com and listen to the Apocalypse Hollywood podcasts.

Goooood night, what's wrong with y'all!?!

So Capone, I hope your apartment's fully recoved from the "accident" a while back. Keep writing those fabulous reviews.

Still even footage of a naked Ricci doing her Rabbit couldn't drag me to see this awful shitstorm of a movie...

First off anyone saying that this cartoon is too old don't realize that it really doesn't matter. Alvin & the Chipmunks is pretty old as well. Both shows have been around forever in either repeats or updated versions. Same with Transformers. Transformers and Alvin were both huge hits last year, granted pretty much every big movie last year sucked. You can't compare Speed to Iron Man because cartoons and comic books are two different realms for storytelling. about 90% of cartoons go no where, there isn't any character development, just different situations. Comic book characters grow and change, huge difference when starting with source material. In fact the only cartoon I can think off (outside of Animie) in which the characters grew and changed is Transformers, Doug and Rugrats. This is going to be the band wagon movie to hate this summer and it really doesn't deserve it. Also we all know the W's like to steal ideas from Asian because most Americans don't think that they do anything but make our shit. So if any of you have seen Cashern knows that this movie had to have been a huge influence for the W's for Speed. And yes both movies are overly long, but Speed is a lot more exciting and original then Cashern. If you are shitting on this film and haven't seen it, they your a follower. The only reason I would tell someone to not see this film is if A). They look down on kids things because they are too mature and cool or they saw TMNT and didn't like it. Because next to Speed I would say its the best Cartoon to movie flick, and anyone who says that the old Turtles are SO much better then TMNT needs to stop watching so much VH1.

Bottom line is, if the only video games you play are Medel of Honor, Halo, GTA and Call of Duty. And you only watch shows like Lost, Greys Anatomy, Battlestar, 60 Minutes. And only listen to stuff thats on the billboard 200 then this movie won't be for you. Like the problem I had leaving that movie was that I felt sorry for all the marketing people involved because they are probably going to lose their jobs after this because this has to be one of the hardest movies ever to sell. I mean its not like Redbelt where they didn't have to give a shit because it was cheap to make and you could make it look like a cheap fighting/DTV movie like the trailer and banner ads make it out to be. They were told that this had to make money. But whatever hate the movie, I know I hate plenty of movies for no real good reason besides the fact that I hate it. I just really liked this movie. And for people who say its like Tron, thats right except its not going to suck when I re-watch it after some time like Tron always does. Go rent it, Tron sucks and its wicked boring.

Where are the l33t? ||BOLD||

The colors and the cityscapes do NOT look right. In the original cartoon the colors were not nearly as bright. They were much more pale, almost like pastels.

And also the original cartoons did NOT have super-futuristic looking cities. They were just regular, plain-old looking towns and cities.

And there's one more big thing that this movie's missing that the original cartoon had: the WAY dialogue is spoken. In the cartoons all the characters had a really funny and oddball way of speaking. That in fact was one of the biggest reasons why the original show was so fun and entertaining to watch! Unfortunately, that aspect is missing in this new movie.

I don't know how the Wakowski nutters directed this (If at all) because how do you direct an FX guy to go THAT mental!?

They simply must have farmed out all the long, franetic race sequences to as many CG guys as possible with a note attached saying ''Make it look as bright, fast and crazy as you possibly can then add a dash of WTF I can't see what's going on!'' and then sneaked acid and speed in their drinks.

The only good things were somehow the anoying fat kid and his Chimp and mom and Pops Racer.

Too long, Too wordy, Too Speedy, Too bad!

my kid couldn't look at the screen, got fidgety, fell asleep.

I remember I had to drag a group of friends at gunpoint into the opening day of Iron Giant when they all wanted to go see Sixth Sense. They were bitching and moaning the whole first two minutes until they shut up and 90 minutes later, they were in tears (some of them), while one or two held their stance that we should have seen Sixth Sense. Iron Giant still bombed (I think less than 30 mil tops), but it's now become a cult classic and looks where Brad Bird is now. Sometimes, it's best to go against one's better instincts, lest you live all your life in a cage. That group of friends have me to thank for forcing them to see Iron Giant that day, because there's nothing like seeing that film on a multiplex screen with surround sound.

I'm hoping for that same experience with Speed Racer. We'll see.

I remember I had to drag a group of friends at gunpoint into the opening day of Iron Giant when they all wanted to go see Sixth Sense. They were bitching and moaning the whole first two minutes until they shut up and 90 minutes later, they were in tears (some of them), while one or two held their stance that we should have seen Sixth Sense. Iron Giant still bombed (I think less than 30 mil tops), but it's now become a cult classic and looks where Brad Bird is now. Sometimes, it's best to go against one's better instincts, lest you live all your life in a cage. That group of friends have me to thank for forcing them to see Iron Giant that day, because there's nothing like seeing that film on a multiplex screen with surround sound.

I'm hoping for that same experience with Speed Racer. We'll see.

The characters are almost all facially identical, with the same nose, eyes, and mouth. Sometimes they throw a bigger nose or smaller eyes on a comic-relief character, though. The hair is oft-times ridiculous.

The plots are almost always the same, with the same themes and goals. All they change are the players, and the specific circumstances in the story that get you to the inevitable confrontation with the bad guy.

I was really into anime until around 1996, when I realize it was all the same. Shit. Shit. Shit. Just nothing worth bothering to dedicate time towards. Even the best anime pales in comparison to western animation when it's done right. I would much rather watch "Fritz the Cat" than "Akira" any day. I'd sooner watch "The Tick" or "The Venture Bros." than watch "Dragonball Z" or "Ranma 1/2". Why? Because the western-style stuff has a decent plot, good characterizations that don't all fall into pre-set archetypes, and maintains continuity that doesn't treat the viewer like a child.

Any given episode of "King of the Hill" or "Beavis & Butt-Head" would be better than watching yet another martial artist with weird hair meet his so-evil-its-gaudy rival and battle in a slo-mo fight filled with lots of metal-clashing, explosion-type sounds and motion lines galore. I don't care if it's "Inuyasha" or "Cowboy Bebop".

Been there, done that, and saw the mouth-breathers who decided to keep going with that hobby while I backed away. It's a fad, and nothing more. American weeaboos are just the same as people who were HUGE fans of disco. Some of them might be clinging to their silly costume and bad entertainment decades from now, but most will have moved on and asked themselves, "What the hell was I thinking?"

The Matrix sequels were great, they fleshed out and expanded the mythology and backstory of the Matrix in an innovative and enjoyable way, and made people think. I think the real problme was that the moviegoers wanted more pretty spectacle with very little story to have to deal with, and the Wachowskis gave them Eastern mysticism, Zen Buddhism, reflections on the meanings of self-awareness, consciousness and the sanctity of life, and a stunning speech by the Architect at the end of act 2 in RELOADED. I'm amazed at how many people DON'T get what's going on here, and how it relates to REVOLUTIONS.

Go back and watch the three movies - and the ANIMATRIX, if you really want to know how the Matrix came about - and tell me they don't work as a trilogy. Then tell me, coherently, why. Only people who want empty spectacle and don't want to think hate the sequels - and the Matrix is all about thinking for yourself. Its refusal to talk down to its audience is the strength of that trilogy, and it constantly gets derided for it.

You want to watch a dumbed down trilogy? Ladies and gents: I give you the STAR WARS Prequels. Knock yourselves out.

(1) Heath Ledger's oerformance, Which arguably looks like the strongest thing in the movie.

(2) Us not realising that Two-Face is the other villain, which is one of the worst kept secrets of the 2008 summer season.

TDK will be mediocre at best, downright shit at worst. Classic? Never.

And I am also a Keaton as Batman kind of a guy. So sue me...

...I know that receipts aren't everything; but it made 30 million less than a film that opened last week.

It's the film-going public's revenge for Reloaded and Revolutions.

Speed Racer shat the box office bed; Transformers didn't, and now there will be a Transformers 2. A film which is sure to contain a record number of dick and fart jokes; all while Bumblebee starts "pissing" on the neutered bad guys...

Speed Racer, on the other hand, should end up being a one and done film franchise.

And I just love blanket statements like "Speed Racer is awesome. And anyone that doesn't like it, just hates cinema."

cool beans.

people, go if it looks good, cause if you like monkeys antics and colors, it's a no brainer.

Kinda like an STD?

Also anyone saying that the Brothers W are going to get screwed after doing this are wrong. These guys made a shit ton of money for the WB with the Matrices and still probably are. So they will probably be allowed to do whatever they want for awhile. Which is good because I'd much rather see the W's interpretation of something or new movie then say, Underdog/Alvin and the Chipmunks/Garfield/Bayformers/ Fantastic 4. These guys are not the next Russell Mulcahy (who made huge flop after huge flop, with no huge hit to back him up), they've got 3 huge hits and produced one decent sized hit with a pretty big cult following. I don't think they'll be subjected to direct TV shows for a while, they may start producing them though?

you are taking this movie waaaaaaaaayyy too seriously! review it for what it is: a fucking kids movie!

i write a weekly film review column for local publications where i live so even though i absolutely dreaded going to see this flick, i HAD to. i was very pleasantly surprised. i went in with the worst expectations possible and came out smiling.

i mean, would you not have gone absolutely apeshit if you saw this movie at eleven years old? it was funny and even more so imaginitive.

i wasn't familiar with the cartoon going in other than it was about a kid named speed racer who drove a car called the mach 5. but by all accounts, it was one of the most wiley and fucked up cartoons ever produced. was it merrick that said it "barely survived the translation process?" anyway, somebody on AICN said that. the point is, i know i have no grounds to say this (having not been into the show growing up), but it seems to me that the wachowskis embraced the fucked up nature of the cartoon and applied it to their interpretation.

i also felt the design of the film was an incredibly direct and accurate transitioning of anime to live-action. rather than doing the expected and try to realize the show into tangible form, the wachowskis produced a highly fantisized mesh of real life and animation, which works! well, for me at least.

and the racing sequences were great! i mean, say what you will about how they looked in terms of the cartoonish style. i'm saying the way the sequences were written was fantastic. they were well-tailored and completely eye-popping.

i say give the kids more of this stuff. anything to get them away from bullshit nickelodeon pre-teen romance sitcoms.

i'm surprised at you capone. if only because i like your reviews and rarely disagree.

Thekylegassproject - Thanks for the tip. I'm mostly a lurker rather than a poster (as is now obvious)...

1. Get in your car

2. Drive!

I think this is probably better as a video game than a movie. The racing should have been longer and focus on other drivers also.

1. Speed Racer may not be a critical or financial success right now, but aesthetically, it succeeds with flying colors. Literally.

2. The Wachowski Nutjobs took the Speed Racer concept and mixed it with Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life","TRON", Brian DePalma/Martin Scorsese film trickery, Little Orphan Annie, Japanime, Bruce Lee movies, Tex Avery cartoons, state of the art CGI, and special sauce to create the ultra-kinetic wacky insane heartfelt goodness currently playing at a theater near you.

2. It experiments cinematically. It takes risks. It dares to boldly go where no movie has gone before. "Child-drawn" animation and b&w newsreel footage in the same movie? Crazy! And the scene transitions make the ones in Ang Lee's Hulk look like baby food. Does the experimentation work? For me, it does. I like how the film didn't let me settle into a particular gear, but kept shifting on me, keeping me off balance. I wasn't sure if I was going to get Speed Racer seriousness or Spritle/ChimChim goofiness from one moment to the next! Way to take the viewer out of his/her comfort zone and keep them on the edge whether they like it or not!

3. Beneath the digital slickness, the flash, the dazzle, the virtual hyperreality, Speed Racer does indeed have heart, that is, emotional depth. You do feel the love the Racer family members have for each other, the regret of Racer X. Admittedly, I did lose a little emotional connection during the longer expositories at the film's beginning, but the ending made up for that in spades.

4. The ending. I have probably just seen the nearest cinematic equivalent to one's first orgasm ever put to screen. In fact, I wouldn't be suprised if that's how the Wachowski Nutjobs directed the digital animators and the editors to create this amazing sequence. Orgasm. Not just any orgasm, but the first one. Like a virgin. At the end of it, I was nearly as breathless as Speed.

5. Speed Racer is a trilogy rolled into one film. Actually, the film is two films. Like back to back episodes of the old cartoon comprising a larger story arc. The first one ends with the Casa Cristo race. The second one begins with the Grand Prix. I think the Wachowskis might have helped their cause if they even literally divided the film into these two episodes, just like the old cartoon.

6. "Get that weak shit off my track!" What a great line. Much better than "I drink your milkshake."

7. A great cast. The kid playing Spritle even looks like John Goodman. Emile brings the intensity. Matt Fox brings the coolness. Susan Sarandon brings the MILFness. Ms. Ricci brings the same weird hotness she's brought to everything I've seen her in since Buffalo 66. Oh, and ChimChim was great, too. Can't go wrong cinematically with monkeys.

8. Nice fitting musical score that incorporates the original theme song brilliantly.

9. The ending credit sequence is maybe the best ending credit sequence ever.

I'm not going to call "Speed Racer" cinematic genius. How about cinematic brilliance? And how brilliant it is...and colorful...

1. The acting. Except for Matthew Fox (who gives a good performance) the acting is horrible especially Emile's "performance".

2. The race sequences. I understand that this movie is based on a cartoon. But when you shoot (or better: digitally create) race sequences as overblown like these then all you achieve is total boredom. Seriously, the race sequences suck ass.

3. The camera. Despite the unique, colourful look of the whole flick, the camera work is heavily flawed. At times the weird angles and pans - especially during the races - destroy all the pace and speed they try to built. And no, those scene transitions are not imaginative. Just copied.

4. Fat kid & chimp. Come on, guys! This isn't the 80s anymore when lame jokes with monkey/chimp/orangutan actors where already getting stale! And now we get a friggin chimp combined with a hilariously unfunny little fat kid? This aint funny. This is just fucking pathetic.

5. The overall flick is so completely boring and annoyingly infantile that you just don't care what's going on.