Lovely though. Maybe she'll get to keep her accent too. I'm sure even Hollywood casting directors don't even realise how many Aussie actors there are over there. Seeing as they're always doing Seppo accents.

Is she still signed on? Herc? Headgeek? ANYONE?!?!?!?

From the slapdash, we-wrote-it-in-a-weekend script, filled with one execrable line after another (containing an obligatory line where Optimus Prime has to blather about how the indomitable human spirit is worth saving, UGH!), to the ridiculously lame Sector 7 agent played by John Turturro (he gets peed on by a robot, for crying out loud!), to the slapstick humor of the Transformers in the back yard, to LaBeouf channeling Robin Williams channeling Woody Allen, to the incomprehensible direction of action sequences, I’m flabbergasted that it made the amount of money it did.

I was at a family get together a couple of weekends ago and the kids downstairs popped the movie in, so I ended up seeing a lot of it again and I have to say that the second viewing actually diminished the movie for me, if that’s even possible. Fortunately they also watched Miyazaki’s HOWLS MOVING CASTLE, so I felt assured that at least they do watch good stuff too.

And don’t get me wrong. I love over-the-top action fests as much as the next guy. I don’t even have a knee-jerk hatred for Michael Bay (THE ROCK is awesome). I also watched Transformers regularly as a kid (I’m the target demographic as far as the nostalgia factor goes), but holy shit TRANSFORMERS the movie was horrible!

And now there’s a sequel, not that I’m surprised. I’m just a little repulsed.

Evil Archer: Yeah. What can you expect with giant robots? I know.

But having robots in a movie doesn’t preclude the possibility of there being a sharp, witty, well-written script to go along with it. I guess what upsets me is that, in my opinion, shooting a movie with a script this bad shows contempt for the audience, as if to say, “Well, this is good enough. It is just a movie about giant robots, after all.”

I mean really, don’t they want me coming back for more? Because as it stands now, they’re not even getting my Netflix money for the sequel.

And please...no more of the expectations arguments cause its pure conjecture. Nobody see's Transformers expecting anything other than to be entertained. Just because a giant robot saying "My bad", or a Wookie giving a Tarzan yodel...or any other thing NOT OF THIS EARTH using bullshit modern Earth sayings/phrases just fucking pisses me off. It's why I hate Shrek. It's not cute or funny...it's total fucking destruction of my suspension of disbelief. but hey...Bay put Scarlett Johansen in The Island and she's freakin' beautiful so fuck my opinion. Let the beating off begin!!!

because bay know that even though most people like us hate the last one, most of us will go to see a babe in some tiny shorts or skirt again.

just give us some god damn transforners. we can get hardcore porn and comedy for free on the internet. why pay $9 for teases and lame humor while we watch a concept go horribly wrong.

jesus fucking christ.

bay vehemently denies ever hearing of this movie, from what i hear, even though it is a carbon copy with a bigger budget, a bit more chases, car advertising, and a 'im the real ewan mcgregor- NO I'm THE REAL EWAN' style ending.

all that and i actually liked shia. i think his character was the best part of the movie, since the robots let me down so much.

But the following are things I hope for but rarely get in big-budget action movies anymore:

A script that doesn't sound like it was cranked out in a weekend by an automated, screenplay-writing program.

A movie that doesn’t hit every clichéd plot-point cue that appears in every dumb action movie ever made. I’m not saying it has to be the epitome of originality, but what’s wrong with giving us all the action and effects we want in a package we haven’t seen before? Why does it have to be so formulaic?

Let’s dispense with the bullshit, tug-the-heartstrings moment where “insert misunderstood good guy here” gets taken down by the big bad government thugs while trying to save the protagonist... who gets caught anyway. And of course he does. It says he needs to get caught right here on page 115 of “How to Write a Screenplay in Three Easy Steps.”

Oh, and how about the hero doesn’t get the girl in the end, huh? Or would that result in the sudden, simultaneous explosion of every eyeball in every theater in America?

Pull all the specifics out of most movies and what you have left is the outline for just about every lame blockbuster action movie that Hollywood produces nowadays.

And it’s simply not enough to say “A good script is not what this kind of movie is about.” Because the only thing I can think of when I hear someone say that is “But can’t I have robots AND a script that doesn’t sound like it was written by a twelve-year-old?” Why do I have to sacrifice good dialog at the altar of CGI? Is there some unwritten law of moviemaking that states X amount of special effects per minute equals X number of dumb lines of dialog per page?

The point is that I really wanted to like TRANSFORMERS. And I wasn’t looking for a BATMAN BEGINS kind of “reboot,” where crazy action gives way to brooding, existential angst. I wanted robots saving mankind from being extinguished from the universe. What I got was a two-hour long, MTV-inspired car commercial with a shitty script.

I wanted both a great action movie and a great script. I got neither.

But I don’t think it was particularly profound “speculative fiction” in the sense that 2001 or SOLARIS or BLADE RUNNER or THE FOUNTAIN were. (And before I get flamed for mentioning it, I’m perfectly willing to concede that THE FOUNTAIN may not be to everyone’s taste as far as science fiction goes.)

THE ISLAND was just another action movie set a little ways into the future with an off-hand nod to classic dystopian themes. Nothing wrong with that. But for action-packed sci-fi with a “message,” I think TERMINATOR 2 is more effective than THE ISLAND.

Except for MCMLXXVI of course.

Wait, I think you're feeding me a line. If that were true it would be 10 times bigger than some Buffy thing, 10 times bigger than SCCC and there would be hundreds of thousands less single geeks in the world. Though if Trek nerds can hook up anything's possible I guess. Maybe it's the 'hot' part that sounds suspect...