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Massawyrm Celebrates An Anniversary With IRON MAN!!

“It will tongue bathe your taint while it Alabama Hot Pocket’s y by just pillow talk	May 1st, 2008 07:56:22 AM
Should have started your review off like that Mass... Not sure anything more needs to be said.
Stick around until after the end credits, folks. by Knuckleduster	May 1st, 2008 07:57:01 AM
You won't be disappointed.
damn...limited space by just pillow talk	May 1st, 2008 07:57:22 AM
now how the fuck did a safecount.net survey thing pop up here?
solid review as always by palewook	May 1st, 2008 07:57:46 AM

Seeing it in 5 hours by biffy88	May 1st, 2008 07:58:40 AM
And can't bloody wait. Plus new Lost as well, what a great end to the week!
Looking forward to the ass kicking by michyfergi5	May 1st, 2008 08:03:26 AM
Massawyrm, you are a poet with your reviews. I'm very much looking forward to this movie, as I'm sure most everyone else is as well. I just have one question... what is an Alabama Hot Pocket, and why would someone do that to my mom?
Massawyrm works for AICN and he doesn't know the difference by messi	May 1st, 2008 08:05:04 AM
between special effects and visual effects?
Michyfergi5 by Massawyrm 1	May 1st, 2008 08:06:04 AM
Well, just explaining it couldn't possibly do it justice. Perhaps you should google it. Try the image search...
Foggy Nelson and Happy Hogan are brothers by messi	May 1st, 2008 08:08:24 AM
it's the next secret spoiler from next year's big Marvel Event - Civil Secret Supporting Final Character Hour Crisis Wars of M.
Not as Good as Batman Begins by messi	May 1st, 2008 08:10:09 AM
because not as serious or 'deep' I guess, but still a damn well made movie, probably next to Spidey 2.
Why must we always stick around after the credits? by Rickey Henderson	May 1st, 2008 08:10:25 AM
It's an annoying gimmick that's been used to death in superhero movies. Some of us aren't big fans of portly chest bumping 13 year olds screaming out in the theater: "wait until after the credits! there's more!!!!" That little rant aside, Rickey's officially jazzed for this movie. It does look like tons of fun. This "Iron Mensch" fellow seems like a capital superhero.
Rickey Henderson. So you don't want to see Nick Fury? by messi	May 1st, 2008 08:11:15 AM
Cos that's what is after the credits.
Sure, Rickey will stick around for it, messi... by Rickey Henderson	May 1st, 2008 08:13:39 AM
but why not just include him during the actual film? Does Rickey really need to sit through the credits and find out who did the grips or who the "Best Boy" was in order to see Nick Fury? No, Rickey does not.
Foggy Nelson by Abominable Snowcone	May 1st, 2008 08:16:55 AM
is Daredevil's buddy. Foggy has done time driving Matt Murdock (Daredevil), who is blind. Maybe Favreau wanted to do a little crossing-over in the Marvel universe. If Stark needs a driver at all, why not consider a "driver" character from that universe? Works for me. And thank your lucky stars that Affleck's Matt Murdock didn't get a cameo nod instead.
What I really want to know is by Abominable Snowcone	May 1st, 2008 08:17:47 AM
does "Iron Man" give a boner, even if your boner is a clitoris, and does it "rock" like chocolate covered pussyjuice?
Re: ALABAMA HOT POCKET by artvanderlay	May 1st, 2008 08:18:10 AM
MASSA, I HAVE FOUND 2 CONFLICTING DEFINITIONS. 1 INVOLVES SHITTING IN A PUSSY BEFORE FUCKING IT. THE OTHER INVOLVES USING LINEMENT AS A CONDOM LUBRICANT. WHICH OF THESE WILL IRON MAN DO TO MY MUM?
Foggy's driving because Daredevil tanked... by tonagan	May 1st, 2008 08:21:17 AM
He needed a new job.
Rickey by Knuckleduster	May 1st, 2008 08:21:48 AM
The bit with Fury has nothing to do with the rest of the movie. It's a little extra something special for the fans. Hey, here's an idea. If you don't wanna sit through the credits, then don't.
speaking of boners by doodah	May 1st, 2008 08:22:15 AM
does bruce banners weenie stay soft when he hulks up?
Ah yes, thank you Massawyrm... by michyfergi5	May 1st, 2008 08:27:13 AM
... I have seen the light, and my Mom sure is in for a surprise.... I'm not sure she'll ever be the same after that. Kudos.
Knuckleduster by Rickey Henderson	May 1st, 2008 08:29:37 AM
Rickey was just kidding around--it's a minor pet peeve but not a huge deal. On an unrelated note, what's the deal with people discussing movies that aren't even mentioned in the thread? There's too much confusion here! (Rickey can't get no relief). Here's how it should break down: The Iron Man threads are for Iron Man discussions The Indy threads are for Indy discussions The Batman threads are for Batman discussions The Transformers threads are for all the other fuckwits to mercilessly berate each other on.
If I wasn't sold before by strosmer	May 1st, 2008 08:37:59 AM
I am now. Excellent spoiler-free review Massawyrm. I've actually been sold on this movie ever since I heard RDJ was playing Stark. I was going to wait to see it Saturday, but your review has caused me to buy a ticket for the 8pm showing tonight. I believe we are off to the start of a beautiful summer at the movies - one of the most eventful and entertaining in a long time.
You can one-up yourself there by Latauro	May 1st, 2008 08:59:15 AM
Mass, you were quoted on a There Will Be Blood standee... on the OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD. I couldn't believe it when I saw it. I've been meaning to email you about it for about five months now. And nice work on the Iron Man review, as always.
Hey Guys If you want to see the WHOLE Iron Man movie early.. by Underoos Hero	May 1st, 2008 09:12:50 AM
Go read Capones review. It's full of non spoiler warnings.
SHIELD by ViktorBC	May 1st, 2008 09:13:33 AM
Yeah this movie ricks on soooo many levels!!! I saw a sneak preview last night in Baltimore. I stayed until after the credits and did NOT see Mr. Fury. However, there are SHEILD references throughout. We know that Downey will be reprising this role in the Incredible Hulk for a cameo. Also, I undrstand that Capt. America will be referenced as well. Obviously this is a setup for an Avengers movie. Yahoo!
SHIELD by ViktorBC	May 1st, 2008 09:14:13 AM
Actually the movie ROCKS not RICKS. Yeesh.
Spielberg/Donner/Lucas level of filmmaking by kwisatzhaderach	May 1st, 2008 09:22:54 AM
"Favreau has found a road that lead him directly towards the Spielberg/Donner/Lucas level of filmmaking". OK, so I can go into the cinema tomorrow and expect Iron Man to be as good as Star Wars, Superman or Raiders of the Lost Ark?
Scenes after the Credits... by Shut the Fuck up Donny	May 1st, 2008 09:26:27 AM
As much as I'm reaching here, I'm wondering if so many movies now insert scenes after the credis so the audience will actually watch the credits and take witness to all the hundreds of people that actually put a good movie together--not just a couple of actors and a director.
One more thing... by ViktorBC	May 1st, 2008 09:29:27 AM
Is it too much to ask for to have at least ONE, just ONE, climatic Super Hero/Villian battle in the day?? From what it looks like, the next HULK movie will have a night time battle at the end as well. What's with this cliche'? Just once I would like to not have to squint at what's going on!
"Zathura was another..." Right there! That's where I stopped by joeelliott	May 1st, 2008 09:30:22 AM
reading -- you are kidding right? "Zathura was another trip into family fare, this time showing us that he had a handle on how to integrate special effects not only into a story, but into a film without feeling to fakey" get the fuck outta here
Alabama Hot Pocket by Herb West	May 1st, 2008 09:38:41 AM
Damn you, Massawyrm for telling us to google that. Damn you all to Hell! :-)
Massa, putting "Opens January the 25th" by Boba Fat	May 1st, 2008 09:55:26 AM
in your "There Will Be Blood" review does not count as being quoted on the standee.
Please, no Neil Cumpston review. by BGDAWES	May 1st, 2008 10:03:23 AM
Reading his reviews do not amuse, rather they just lower the IQ of anyone that reads them. Looking forward to seeing this though, however I'm afraid I read to many glowing reviews for it already so now it's bound to disappoint. Hope I'm proved wrong.
"Make your asshole pucker" by Thrillho77	May 1st, 2008 10:22:01 AM
Any review with that phrase gets a thumbs up for me. And you though Harry smelled bad...on the outside!!!
whoa by Thrillho77	May 1st, 2008 10:23:13 AM
I can't believe I was the first one to utter the immortal "smelled bad on the outside" joke!!!
Massa, thanks for the term "Alabama Hot Pocket"... by DrEdwardMorbius	May 1st, 2008 10:30:03 AM
...now I know what to call what I did last weekend! And by the way, "you should see this guys taint, its insane!"...extra credit for thos kids out there who can state what movie/t.v. show that line is from...
My only question: by Dwide Shrewd	May 1st, 2008 10:38:33 AM
Will it give my sister a Dirty Sanchez while giving my wife a Cleveland Steamer and my Mom a Donkey Punch?
Iron man gave me an "Iron Man" by Thrillho77	May 1st, 2008 10:57:45 AM
It gave me a geek boner, even if it was a clit - and it WAS a clit, because Iron Man actually GAVE me a clit and then made it erect.
You can always tell a goof review is coming when by joeelliott	May 1st, 2008 11:20:25 AM
every reviewer has been invited to talk to the director and watch some sort of "special footage". I saw this movie a week ago and it wasn't anything all that special
Iron Man is a cryptofascist metaphor for nuclear war! by Julius Dithers	May 1st, 2008 11:22:01 AM
Ha ha! I made a Downeyism. Now Gwyneth Paltrow should give me a rusty trombone.
kids movie by oisin5199	May 1st, 2008 11:46:51 AM
Sorry, Mass. But there's a huge difference between this film and those 80s films you mentioned. Indiana Jones, Goonies, Star Wars, etc. Those are kids films, where kids are characters or the characters have little to no depth for kids to understand. Also, there's a huge difference in tone. Even with the propeller stuff that was done in a Saturday morning serial kind of way that you don't take seriously. These movies took place in an incredibly heightened fantasy world, even if it was just an imagined version of Nazis. Iron Man, on the other hand, has very realistic American soldiers having their jeep bombed and getting shot. Families being separated for rape and execution, the kind of thing that is happening in the world today. Tony Stark has adult decisions to make. That's the stuff that makes it an adult film. Of course the fighting costumed guys at the end is typical video game violence that doesn't really bother kids. It's the Afghanistan stuff that's harrowing. Although one of the reasons I love the scene where Iron Man shows up and fights the warlords. It takes a very real situation (not exaggerated) and inserts a costumed superhero. Sort of a wish fulfillment to see a superhero take care of actual terrorists.
No, Massawyrm, by Archive	May 1st, 2008 12:18:30 PM

No, Massawyrm, by Archive	May 1st, 2008 12:18:32 PM

No, Massawyrm, by Archive	May 1st, 2008 12:20:40 PM
limb loss does not qualify as an excuse. L've just gotten out of surgery myself - I live in Sherman Oaks - and my big goal for recuperation was to be able to make the sneak peaks in LA tonight. I won't be braving the crowd at the Dome, but the Arclight Sherman Oaks is 2 blocks from my home, and I'm finding a buddy and taking that handicapped seat in the middle row. Come on. This is why we love movies.
More adult than 80's fare but i get what he means by messi	May 1st, 2008 12:32:05 PM
if anything it's like a Spielberg 80's film just more adult, the warlords bit was a fantasy bit, a real horrible situation and a superhero comes in and saves the day.
You no hungry for Iron Man... by Evil Lincoln	May 1st, 2008 03:52:10 PM
...you hungry for Alabama Hot Pocket!!!
Rickey Henderson by tk 421	May 1st, 2008 05:00:48 PM
Dude, your shit is genius. I grew up in NY when "you" were playing for the Yankees and remember listening to "your" interviews. Every post cracks me up.
Tim Raines is an Iron Man fan too. by TomBodet	May 1st, 2008 07:16:06 PM
Tim Raines knows that while his futile pursuit of being Rock Raines tanked, and that his 82 bus for doing coke was detrimental to his future prospects of being elected Pope-it's nice to know that if you actually hang around long enough, even Bill James will tout your Hall of Fame credentials at each and every opp. he gets because he's like that. Anyways. I think this'll rock.
Jeff Bridges was awesome. by hallmitchell	May 1st, 2008 07:37:42 PM
Best Marvel Villain besides Dr Ock. Will not accept criticsm of his performance.
sweet jeebus, Massa! by Grendy	May 1st, 2008 08:49:50 PM
I about 'sploded when I saw yer new Cartuna-pic. Damn boy, that shite's funnier then your mom on a donkey-dick. I must say, 'donkey-dick' is a great turn of phrase, don't you think? A: Congrats on the house, I know that's been a process. B: Those lameoids who think you're up Favreau's ass can go screw. I've met you, I know what an opinionated asshole you are, and think that you're probably spot-on. C: I first started stealing comics from my odlre brother when I was a wee 6-year old girl. Avengers and X-Men for me. I have been jazzed about this for ages. I think Downey will do great. He's no slouch ya know. D: Cartuna is awesome!
Messi by Frijole	May 1st, 2008 08:52:17 PM
Y'see.. Visual effects ARE special effects. Simply put... all visual effects are special effects, but not all special effects are visual effects. Dig?
I just saw Ironman tonight and it was awesome! by abovo	May 1st, 2008 10:40:56 PM

Sweet. Your 7th anniversary, AICN's 50th Iron Man review. by thebearovingian	May 2nd, 2008 12:42:29 AM
Congratulations all around!
the whole reason you suffered through this protracted introducti by Andre the Frog	May 2nd, 2008 04:42:36 PM
Actually, being a regular AICN reader, I knew enough to skip the bullshit and go straight to the good part.
Massawyrm does it again by screenweekender	May 3rd, 2008 03:45:03 PM
he must have a bug in my car or something... every time I leave the cinema recently I chat with my wife on the way home. then I log in to read reviews, and read massawyrm's transcript of our conversation. Thanks, wyrm- keep it up

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Massawyrm Celebrates An Anniversary With IRON MAN!!

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