Sigh.

Transformers 2 is going to be one large toilet

You should go have a nice big cup of shut the fuck up. It's a special blend that I'm sure you'll enjoy.

Where's Queefer when you need him....

There were so many awesome moments, it's hard to keep track. The 5-ton, 4-story robots stomping around a neighborhood that no one notices was really "awesome" and then there's the government agent was remains threatening and indignant when he's surrounded by a group of 5-ton, 4-story robots who could turn him into a skidmark. Yeah, that was so totally "awesome."

Will there be digitally rendered flames on Jonah Hill's man-boobs?

It was old last year. You guys should just let it go. You'd have so much more energy for other things, like dating girls. Good day.

'7 Minutes of Transformers 2'.

Autobots saying pop-culture references like "my bad!" or "you go girl!"

Fart jokes.

People repeatedly getting their pants pulled down, so they're standing around in their underwear.

Mountain Dew machines, steering wheels, and cell phones coming to life and then completely vanishing.

Masturbation jokes! LOL!

Decepticons who randomly appear and then disappear for no reason.

AAAAAAAAAAND, that's it! It'll be an instant classic, just like the first! I CAN'T WAIT.

That's it. Roll credits

"unless you're a sad, juvenile, closet homophobic with a love for male robots indulging in phallic WWF/WWE style pantomime fights!"

I'm glad you've discovered women too. Whew!

Bumblebee pissing on John Turturro's head (while he's in his underwear LOL!) and the "Boi-oi-oing!" sound effect as his crotch plate popped off?

The Mountain Dew machine which came to life, attacked someone for 2 seconds, and then somehow disappeared?

The return of the Decepticon cop car at the start of the final battle, who then just randomly vanishes?

The chihuahua pissing on Ironhide?

Sam getting his pants pulled off (more underwear jokes LOL!) by a robot who makes gremlin noises and says "oh shit!" when it dies?

Anthony Anderson's brother smashing through a plate glass window when the FBI raids his house and flying into a pool?

The Optimus Prime vs. Bonecrusher fight which lasted about 6 seconds?

The fart gag when we see Sam's friend washing his dog?

The HILARIOUS George W. Scene on Air Force One?

The masturbation-talk scene with Sam's parents?

The Indian phone operator who picks his nose?

Optimus Prime saying "my bad"?

Bumblebee being able to speak all of a sudden with no explanation?

Jazz saying "What's up little bitches!" when he introduces himself?

Seriously. AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO HAD TO SIT THROUGH ALL THIS SHIT JUST TO SEE SOME TRANSFORMERS FIGHTING? And if not, how the FUCK can you ignore all that crap? HOW!?

And no, gotham_night, Ratchet didn't repair him. He said "I'm working on a fix" right when he was introduced, but Bumblebee was simply magically healed at the end of the final battle sequence. So, unless Ratchet repaired him mid-battle after Bumblebee's legs were already shredded off, it's just another gaping plot hole which makes no sense.

I liked it. Here are ten(10) things that worked in the first one, that we wanna see in the second:

1: Optimus saying My Bad. Self deprecating humour works wonders.

2: Bumbleboogie as Lassie. You know where I'm headed w/ that one, so we won't go there...

3: The whole Priiiiiiiiiiimmmmmmmme/Megatro n fight. Quite fun.

4: The Bots landing, showing up, getting outta the pool, transforming as a lot in front of MeganZowieFox and Shia there. That was great. Bay knows how to milk his moments.

5: Desert fights, both at the front and then w/ the scorpion thing. I liked that.

6: "Bought a used car-turned out to be an Alien Robot." Pause. "Who knew-?"

7: Jon Voigt chewing the scenery. That was fun.

8: City fight. C'mon you liked it though it DID need the camera to head back and it Did go on too long.

9: I thought the whole lurking around Shia's house bit was funny myself. They 'Hide' then turn into a full parking lot! that's great...

10: Starscreamer there as the jet. That was a good bit.

I liked it. I thought the parts that were either typically Bay-like incoherent or goofy or stupid were overshadowed by the action, the fun, the sense of wonder(fuck you it's there and you KNOW it is) that SS and Bay put in.

Face it-this is about a bunch of Big Fucking Robots Hitting Each Other. They turn into Trucks, Cars, jets. They're based on a 20 year old line of Z level toons and toys by Hasbro. This shoulda been utter SHIT. And ya know what-It Wasn't.

Mr Bay, make Two more. One w/ a CGI Segal Bot (100') just for Vern. He needs the work. Have him transform into a Numchuck that flies.

Let's face it people... you outgrew Transformers. It's not the fault of Bay or Shia or whomever. YOU outgrew Transformers.

You're in your thirties... late twenties maybe. You've grown up. You are more cynical. You enjoy more "adult oriented" material. You may have fun in your life, but the wonder aspect of your youth may be slipping away. You can no longer take the good and leave the bad from a movie. Therefore you believe that Transformers should age the way you have. You expect it to live up to your memories, which by the way, have been altered drastically over the years of aging and the contamination of nostalgia.

I watched seasons of the cartoon before the Transformers movie came out. While I cherish them, I just don't see how anyone can say that the source material is the holy grail. It's actually quite redundant if you think about it. But because it was part of our childhood when we saw the world around us differently, we're willing to overlook the "cheese" factor evident in each and every episode (see any Dinobot episode). But you're an adult now. Cynical. You live in an age where the internet gives you the opportunity to pick apart and thrash little snippets of images and story bytes. You build a hatred for the movie before you see more than two minutes of footage.

Transformers, in my eyes and about $500 million worth of others, was a fun action packed flick with something we haven't seen on the big screen in live action before. Flawed at times, yes (John Tuturro was terrible, the 5 minute sequence with the Autobots hiding from Sam's parents was out of place, etc.), but hey, it was a far step ahead of the quality of the source material. Comics were better yes, but it's difficult to pull off a non human story for the mass audience.

I understand why you may not have liked it. It went against much of what you remember that you loved. But again, if you were to watch that movie during the period where you loved the toys and cartoons the most, you would have flipped out in the best of ways.

That's why you'll never be happy with nostalgia nuggets turning into movies. You'll hate G.I. Joe too... because Shipwreck won't be having conversations with his parrot, Snake Eyes won't be break dancing, Quick Kick won't be running around barefoot with nothing but cargo pants and a red sash on, Cobra won't be having a "Cobrathon" with Zartan and the Dreadnocks as a heavy metal band, etc. etc. etc. Transformers succeeded because they took the core concept that we all grew up loving (Transforming robots waging war on earth... Autobots vs. Decepticons... robots in disguise as Earthly vehicles) and placed it into the real world. The transformers came to life.

Not everything can be a dark, mysterious, violent, cynical, hard edged, rated R, Matrix-like flick. The source material wasn't that... so thankfully the movie wasn't either. It was a fun ride and the sequel will be even better now that the origin story is done.

Getting old is a bitch. Challenge yourself and don't look at ANY Transformers 2 scoops, leaks, etc. READ NOTHING. No images. Nothing. And go in without a year or two worth of pent up preconceived anger and resentment. Trust me, it's a whole different experience. That's the way we USED TO go into a movie back in the eighties. And that is why those movies stand the test of time.

Transformers is not going to be looked back fondly by anyone, especially when it's knocked out of the public consciousness by the next Special Effectstravaganza. Back to the Future, Ghostbusters, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Gremlins, Cloak and Dagger, The Goonies are just a few examples of the amazing family films that came out When I was a kid. Movies for all ages, with great characters, stories, and effects that still stand up beautifully today (well, maybe not Cloak & Dagger, but, damnit, I love that movie).

The idea that Transfomers is somehow the equal of these films and only unappreciated because we've either lost our inner-child or read too much about the film ahead of time is just laughably wrong.

Transformers isa bad movie. Not because it doesn't have an Oscar worthy script, but because it has a shitty script. It's cool that you liked it. But it's still a shitty movie and I really have a hard time believing that 20 years down the road anyone posting here today is going to want to sit down and give it another viewing. There'll have been many movies since then with better action and special effects and it's certainly not the script that's going to keep people coming back for more.

I was just making the point that many people didn't connect with Transformers the movie because they had expectations that mirrored their current more cynical lifestyle compared to when they were actually into Transformers the cartoon and toys... a time when wonder and excitement was a bit different.

I was also making the point that the source material that so many TBers hold close to their heart isn't what they really remember it to be or claim it to be. And hey, I'm a die hard fucking Transformers fan. That was my childhood. But claiming that the series was some type of mythical masterpiece and Bay's Transformers paled in comparison to it is laughably wrong. If anything, Bay's Transformers took it to a more mature level (despite the fart and piss jokes mind you). He made it accessible to people of all ages.

Movies exist to entertain. Plain and simple. People go see a drama to be touched and inspired. They see a comedy to laugh. They see an action adventure to cheer. Transformers delivered on its promise to entertain. For fans, it delivered the core concept of Transformers.

But it's just interesting to think how our minds change as we grow older. How memories aren't really representative of how things really were. We hold the cartoons and toys on this pedestal, and when they are being revived 20 years later, our older more cynical and more "mature" minds, likes, and dislikes alter what we really loved about the source material in the first place.

Either way, now that the movie came out and the origin story is done, I'm thinking Transformers 2 will be fucking huge. It will be closer to what TBers wanted in the first place (more robots, less human storylines). But let's face it, changes are necessary. And because of TBers nostalgia factor, they will hate anything that isn't close to what they remember.

Stupidly, Apatow brought his daughter to the recording session. He & the kid on one coast, Jonah on the other coast with the rest of the guys, and for some inexplicable reason thought they should all try to NOT swear because of his daughter. On the commentary for an r rated movie. Actually, no, UNRATED - it was the DVD. Apatow tried to hide behind the proposition to Jonah to "try to be funny without the crutch of swearing" (actually I'm just paraphrasing there). Which was a big pussy way of deflecting attention from what a monumentally dumb decision he'd made in bringing his kid.

Anyway Hill can't help slipping every once in a while (remember they can't see the kid, and she doesn't talk unless spoken to), and Apatow storms out.

So. Either it's one of the most amazing things I've ever heard on a commentary, or Apatow is a fucking deadpan genius (with a spot-on impersonation of his own daughter) who pulled a brilliant bit of on-the-fly stuff worthy of his days on Larry Sanders. And even if it was all a joke, it backfired because he just comes off like a regular arsehole who put someone in a completely unfair situation.

Good on ya Jonah for calling him out.

Jesus I hope I remembered it right, seeing as I can't even recall the kid's name!