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G.I. JOE Details Emerge Via Access Hollywood!!

First!!!!!!!!!!! by santi01	Mar 25th, 2008 09:48:14 AM

FIRST by ingloriousjedi	Mar 25th, 2008 09:48:21 AM
f
And by santi01	Mar 25th, 2008 09:48:53 AM
I dont give an F what you first posting haters say!
Fuck you Santi01 you cunt by ingloriousjedi	Mar 25th, 2008 09:49:03 AM
...now to read the post...
Your link to the article dosnt work. by ingloriousjedi	Mar 25th, 2008 09:52:42 AM

GI BOW AT THE ALTAR OF THE UNITED NATIONS by uss cygnus	Mar 25th, 2008 09:52:48 AM
GI JOE, Now a part of the United Nations, gets swept up in an oil for food scandal that secretly finances terrorist attacks against the United States. The Joe team then realizes they should be real AMERICAN heroes.
Fuck the first 4 posts by Mr. Mcpoops	Mar 25th, 2008 09:53:55 AM
You bitches. And this movie with be awesome. Or terrible. I hope awesome.
Yeah we should totally hit again but I get first dibs on it by judge dredds fresh undies	Mar 25th, 2008 09:54:38 AM
PORKCHOP SANDWICHES!!!
Here? by INWOsuxRED	Mar 25th, 2008 09:58:42 AM
I agree the link isn't working
No doubt.. by santi01	Mar 25th, 2008 10:00:10 AM
This will suck ass. G.I. Terminator!
GIJINO!!!!!!!!!! by BRUTICUS	Mar 25th, 2008 10:04:24 AM
But seriously.... Can they really mess it up as bad as Bay did to Transformers?
Dexter season 3 news by blue1622	Mar 25th, 2008 10:05:59 AM
up at veidt.com...show is going darker apparently.
Self Respect by Bombadils_Bane10	Mar 25th, 2008 10:06:34 AM
Come on guys, at this point haven't we become civilized enough to stop posting "First"
old news by SpazmoCalrissian	Mar 25th, 2008 10:11:49 AM
nice reporting aic
Sommers by ballyhoo	Mar 25th, 2008 10:13:55 AM
Sommers sucks.
Stephen Sommers... by they call it the dip	Mar 25th, 2008 10:19:51 AM
... a man given 170 million dollars to make a movie with hugh jackman, werewolves, ogres, josie maran, AND kate beckinsale and still fucked it up. so taking a property that's dead even by way of nostalgic value thanks to newer-generation crappy toys and overplayed internet jokes, and what do you think the end result will be?
Transformers was awesome... by Dreadlock Holmes	Mar 25th, 2008 10:25:15 AM
I'll never get the hate it gets on these boards.
God damned I love those redubs by Undercover Fanboy	Mar 25th, 2008 10:26:45 AM
I mean, I LIKED the internet before, but watching the redubs is when I fell in love. http://www.ebaumsworld.com/vi deo/watch/8062/
and yes by they call it the dip	Mar 25th, 2008 10:32:01 AM
it can be much worse than what "bay did to transformers". transformers is still great in my opinion because bay knows what he is and is good at making dumb movies. sommers lusts after michael bay can't step to him. what i don't get is why do people get their expectations so high for properties that were only created to sell toys in the first place? LITERALLY. the cartoon: made to sell more toys. the comics: made to sell more toys. the upcoming movie: made to sell more toys. steven sommers: built in an unmarked Walt Disney warehouse.. TO SELL MORE TOYS. do you really expect the coen brothers to be interested in the "layers of depth" that they could explore in the COBRA Organization?
Destro used to be,,,, by jase4772	Mar 25th, 2008 10:32:45 AM
Destro used to be called Red Jackal but after tracking down Baron Ironblood (who became Cobra Commander) he had acid sprayed in his face and was rebuilt and renamed Destro.
Cobra Commander's Day Off by slone13	Mar 25th, 2008 10:34:24 AM
This shit's still funny. Pretty decent Commander costume, too, if I do say so myself. http://tinyurl.com/246bab
"as bad as Transformers" by masteryoda007	Mar 25th, 2008 10:36:56 AM
BRUTICUS......what a total cuntface. He is not playing with a full deck.
will Cobra-La be in this? by Boomers_Lips	Mar 25th, 2008 10:41:21 AM
since it is an origins story and all. who could play Golobulous?
Mama... by davsan38	Mar 25th, 2008 10:41:24 AM
there's a black man at the bathrooom window.
will a woman voice Cobra Commander? by Boomers_Lips	Mar 25th, 2008 10:41:55 AM
he did sound like a woman in the cartoon.
We don't need origin stories by IAmLegolas	Mar 25th, 2008 10:47:20 AM
Come on, this movie will be like 2 hours and it already has a cast of a 100 Joes and Cobra people. Why do we need to focus on why Snake Eyes being mute or Destro having a chrome mask? All it does is eat up time and nobody cares. Take a page from NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN, and less from HANNIBAL RISING. Thank you.
George W. Bush for Cobra Commander! by Judge Briggs	Mar 25th, 2008 10:53:07 AM
And Dick Cheney as Desthro... perfect, just perfect!
Levitt as Cobra Commander? by antmanx68	Mar 25th, 2008 10:54:12 AM
WTF is up with that? I am praying that this turns out more mummy (far fetched but funny, stylized and cool) and less Van Helsing (adjusted for badassery potential: The worst movie ever made.)
IAmLegolas by Rocklover79	Mar 25th, 2008 10:55:03 AM
You might not want an origin story, but if they want this movie to reach beyond the GI Joe fanbase, they're gonna have to explain, at some point, what the fuck is going on and why these people are the way that they are. I'm not saying that I need Basil Exposition to show up, but speaking as someone who only knows GI Joe as "those toys", I'm gonna need a LITTLE backstory. Sorry.
Wow-- Access Hollywood is AICN's new spy! by DANNYGLOVERS_DICKBLOOD	Mar 25th, 2008 11:00:00 AM
What happened to the good old days of actual on-set spies with scoop? This site has now become a collection of media entertainment stories. Wow. Great scoop.
black haired baroness by macgruder	Mar 25th, 2008 11:03:09 AM
That makes me happy because i saw screenshots of Sienna miller with blonde hair on the set. Also they mention about destro actually having a metal face, which i was sure they'd omit. This makes me happy now. If they'd just recast cobra commander with Peter Saarsgard id be even happier.
Big Damn Heroes(tm) by Trik_Ster	Mar 25th, 2008 11:03:39 AM
Need a movie with some
why was that medic guy... by BigTexas42	Mar 25th, 2008 11:07:16 AM
hanging out by those kids' bathroom window? Perv.
cobra lalalalalalallalalalalalla!!!!!! !!!!!!! by ironic_name	Mar 25th, 2008 11:12:27 AM

This will no doubt make Bay's Transformers look like Citizen Kan by anchorite	Mar 25th, 2008 11:22:00 AM
Sommers is a lot like Roland Emmerich. They both make big-budget movies into big-budget messes because they are both very flawed directors. But they don't reach a Uwe Boll level of incompetence. Van Helsing was an absolute friggin' disappointment. Sommers had such great material to work with in Universal's catalog of classic monsters. Somehow he managed to make a laughing stock of himself and everyone involved. His Mummy movies could have been great in someone else's hands. I would imagine that GI Joe will suffer a similar fate with him at the helm.
Hopefully Wayan's character dies early on. by alienindisguise	Mar 25th, 2008 11:40:45 AM
If that happens then maybe this will rock. Transformers totally sucked balls and I can't imagine this being any worse.
blue1622: dexter by palewook	Mar 25th, 2008 11:42:32 AM
thanks for the heads up. sept cant get here soon enough
Access Hollywood is the Devil. by Mr Spork	Mar 25th, 2008 11:43:40 AM
And knowing is half the battle.
I just hope the Baroness gets naked. . . by Mr Slippy Fist	Mar 25th, 2008 11:50:26 AM
and gets nominated for Mr. Skin annual awards. Breast Picture would be nice. And Transformers ruled the fucking planet.
This just in: Destro's metal mask designed at Area 51 by Darth_Inedible	Mar 25th, 2008 12:02:13 PM
I wish I could travel into the future and just skip the next 10-15 years of awful Gen XY movie making.
Snake Eyes' Origin by darthferris	Mar 25th, 2008 12:02:37 PM
As explained in the comics, he got blasted in the face by an exploding helicopter discharge or something to that effect. Not sure if Destro ever had anything elaborate to him, besides being the scion of a wealthy Scottish arms dealing dynasty.
this was already revealed in Latino Reviews script review by IndustryKiller!	Mar 25th, 2008 12:10:03 PM
Destro gets bruned and his nanobyte technology forms a metallic mask around his face (that I'm assuming can move with his face), Cobra commander is the Baroness's brother (whom he controls through mind control) and also Duke's best friend whom we are told at the beginning dies at the end, and Snake eyes is near an explosion that shreds his vocal chords. I would post a spoiler warning but the cobra commander shit is so stupid I can't imagine anyone would want to be surprised.
Sommers isn't that bad by Spacekicker2001	Mar 25th, 2008 12:12:52 PM
The Mummy was fun, so was the sequel. I wasn't the biggest fan of Van Helsing to be sure, but have you seen the insanity that is Deep Rising? It's bonkers and fun, or how about his hilarious script of Gunmen? He's not Bay, not even close.
Destro's Origin by Pariah74	Mar 25th, 2008 12:13:16 PM
Was told in the comics in lots of detail. Wikipedia gets it right: "He wears a mask forged from Beryllium Steel, a tradition dating back to the English Civil War, when an ancestor of his was caught selling weapons to both sides. Forced to wear a steel mask for his crimes (neither side wanted to execute the ancestor because they still wanted the weapons he sold), the Destro clan has since turned it into a symbol of pride, passing it down from father to son for over 20 generations."
More Script Details by Aquatarkusman	Mar 25th, 2008 12:19:56 PM
The Baroness becomes The Red Baroness and starts selling toaster oven pizza singles. Cobra Commander fights Lieutenant Marion 'Cobra' Cobretti, played by a 76-year-old Sly Stallone. .. ah, fuck it. I do remember that the original animated movie (1985? 1986?) freaked me out with the malevolent spores and Dr. Moreau-ization of Cobra Commander.
Look here Merrick, we've already said this by Grammaton Cleric Binks	Mar 25th, 2008 12:21:09 PM
Movie based on cartoon - bad; movie based on comic - good. All the canon, origins, etc. is in the comic. So why keep hashing up what was and wasn't in the cartoon. It was just a glorified toy commercial. Larry Hama is attached, so I have high hopes for this.
Gammatron: I concur. by Playkins	Mar 25th, 2008 12:25:24 PM
Cartoon=Kiddie toy commercial crap. Comic=Descent stories. Even the Flynt/Lady Jaye sexual tension was more hashed out. Although I was always more of a Scarlet guy meself.
OH MAN, NOT ANOTHER ORIGIN STORY by BringingSexyBack	Mar 25th, 2008 12:43:20 PM
It's really unnecessary and a waste of a first movie. All you need is some scene where a general explains to the incoming President, or Congress or whatever, who and what these guys are. Done. Then just get into the action. I wish they'd ask me before making these things.
by Doctor Land	Mar 25th, 2008 12:48:26 PM
the meat of this Access Hollywood article is nearly verbatim 4 days old USA Today http://tinyurl.com/35jh5u nice reportage indeed
RE: I just hope the Baroness gets naked. . . by Mr. Nice Gaius	Mar 25th, 2008 12:51:56 PM
Do a Google on Sienna Miller and the world is your oyster.
No No Country by critch	Mar 25th, 2008 01:00:07 PM
IAmLegolas, you want them to spend half the movie on a character that really has nothing to do with the overall plot, and then have COBRA killed offscreen by some random villians? And then just end the movie because they run out of budget? Using No Country as a template is just a crap idea. Stephen Sommers is perfect for this. It's a movie based on damn action figures and a 80's cartoon, this is far better than what the property deserves.
Merrick, Merrick, Merrick... by Anna Valerious	Mar 25th, 2008 01:04:33 PM
You probably don't realize how many women out there LOVE his monster movies, right? Heck, read a damned book!
So Critch fills the idiot spot early this talkback by IndustryKiller!	Mar 25th, 2008 01:08:17 PM
In that he's the first guy to vocalize how he actually WANTS less quality from his movies using the same old bullshit indefensible argument we've been hearing since Transformers. Plus you get the added bonus of him doing it while bashing a modern masterpiece due to his clear lack of understanding of it. Bravo genius.
BringingSexyBack... by rev_skarekroe	Mar 25th, 2008 01:16:44 PM
...they tried it your way. It was called "Megaforce".
To everyone bringing up Bay & Emmerich . . . by Nice Marmot	Mar 25th, 2008 01:27:12 PM
. . . Sommers makes both look like Kubrick. But they all suck, so I'm not going to argue or anything.
It can't be worst than TINO by photoboy	Mar 25th, 2008 01:29:28 PM
Seriously, Bay fucked that one so much it left Transformers ass red and raw. Sommers should be able to make an at least halfway watchable film unlike Bay who made the Transformers look like walking piles of magnetised junk.
PORKCHOP SANDWICHES!!! by Head In A Box	Mar 25th, 2008 01:31:31 PM
That is the phrase I'd rather see incorporated into the movie. That would fucking ROCK! Hail Fensler!
Mr. Nice Gaius by Mr Slippy Fist	Mar 25th, 2008 01:43:24 PM
Thank you brotha!!! Need a picture with the Baroness glasses and pig tails and this will be a hell of a movie!!!
Who wants a body massage? by Head In A Box	Mar 25th, 2008 01:44:43 PM
..I mean if they can put "I'm the Juggernaut Bitch!" in X-Men 3, they sure as hell better invoke the Fenslerfilm PSA's in this!.
Do I really need to understand Destro's motivations? by kevred	Mar 25th, 2008 01:48:04 PM
He's the bad guy. GI Joe are the good guys, and they're quirky and odd as individuals. Really, do most people actually need all the origin stuff? Who cares why Destro has a metal head or Snake Eyes is silent? What's wrong with a little mystery? Give me five or ten more minutes of people punching each other and flying around in cool vehicles, thank you. Save the origins for the DVD extras. Case in point, and the only one that is needed, I think. Star Wars. The most popular movie in the history of the world. And after a little intro text, it just dropped you into the middle of the story with all kinds of weird characters, weirder character names, planets, odd costumes, robots, etc, without taking the time to spell everything out. Who the hell are these Jawas, sandpeople? What's a "droid"? Is it Ben, or Obi-Wan? Wookiee? What the...? WHO CARES. We saw, we experienced viscerally, we picked up the details in passing along the way. And we had the best time we'd ever had at the movies. It made enough sense, and the rest was exciting because it was alien and challenging. And admit it--the more we learned about everything, the less interesting it got. The prequels were basically one long explanation of backstory, and were dreadful. Hollywood: people are dumber now than back then, but not that much. Less backstory, more action. Or, to quote the great Def Leppard, ACTION! Not Words.
jase4772 by nerosday	Mar 25th, 2008 01:52:03 PM
That’s the origin version for Action Man, when Hasbro first started they were really shooting for two separate lines; GI Joe in America and Action man in the UK. It was meant to be two totally different franchises, but then they realized this might cause more confusion, so the UK comics and story which were already ongoing were, simply snapped into the existing storyline set up for the larger US market, meaning Hasbro would have far packaging and merchandizing to change. That is the why behind the origin differences, or so I've read. Cross check on wikipedia and some other sources to make sure I’m not leaving a lot out, I may be. And knowing is half the battle.
I don't think this is news by Rufferto	Mar 25th, 2008 01:52:34 PM
I've already heard all the "details" about their origin that is coming from this movie and it should have been left alone. If they wanted an origin for Cobra Commander they could have used the details from the Cobra Reborn book but they didn't. They decided to make it up as they go along.
BOY, I LOVE ME SOME CITIZEN KAN by Kurzinski Valentine	Mar 25th, 2008 01:58:42 PM
Cobralalalalalalalalalalalalaa lalalaalalalalaaaa!!!!!
Didn't Snake Eyes get hit in the face... by Cap'n Jack	Mar 25th, 2008 02:02:53 PM
with a helicopter rotor in the comic book, and that's why he covers his face and can't talk. I believe he's a blonde American dude.
If its as good as Transformers........ by santi01	Mar 25th, 2008 02:08:56 PM
i'll be happy
Everything of Sommers has been entertaining by SoylentMean	Mar 25th, 2008 02:14:26 PM
but nothing has ever come close to the awesomeness of Deep Rising. That remains one of the best films I ever "discovered" on home video, just for the overall entertainment it provided. Kevin J. O'Connor is hilarious (it was great to see him in There Will Be Blood, he needs to work more). I'll be seeing this, just all the rest of you liars.
FREAKIN LISTEN TO ME!!! by rartus	Mar 25th, 2008 02:17:23 PM
the "ninja the a gun" pic is just another tease image to hide a soon to be released, but already poorly executed film. THE EXACT SAME WITH VAN OVERTHETOP-SING, except instead of revamped dracula and wolfman we get guys in neat costumes posing...wise up community.
SPOILER ALERT by ArcadianDS	Mar 25th, 2008 02:24:58 PM
Destro wears a mask that his ancestors wore in battle as knights or something like that. Snake-Eyes was in a helicopter crash that badly disfigured his face and ruined his vocal chords (but somehow he breathes) And with that, on with the film.
It's been said, but most of these 'details' by Reel American Hero	Mar 25th, 2008 02:28:08 PM
That were never explained in the cartoon series were explained in the much better comic. With Hama as some kind of story consultant I'm hoping it's more off of that. Elsewise I wonder if we'll be back to the cobra shoots red lasers, the joes shoot blue, and there are convienent parachute/ejector seats with the cobra logo on them whenever one of their planes explode. I just hope to hear a 'Cobra, retreeeaat!' At least once in this thing.
There better be gore in this film by SoylentMean	Mar 25th, 2008 02:42:54 PM
and I'm not talking about the Nobel Prize winning slide-show man.
KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN !!!!!!!!!! by Se7en	Mar 25th, 2008 02:45:19 PM
Transformers was just great. It was a movie that succesfully served it's purpose. Yes, the director is a loudmouth and sounds like a jerk. Somehow I get the feeling he's not like that in real life. Somewhat of an act. Parodying himself silly in that new ad confirms this. He KNOWS that he's not making an insightful movie. And he's having the time of his life. Don't like his movies ? Don't watch them. I'll be in the front row eating popcorn laughing WITH him.
Se7en by IndustryKiller!	Mar 25th, 2008 02:54:18 PM
I will absolutely ignore Michael bays movies, that is until he makes a property that I have an emotional investment in. You liked Transformers? Fine. But don't get on my case for not liking it and since I have this aforementioned attachment, being vocal about it. My reasons are numerous and justified, I'm not disliking it for no reason. And I know people who have had personal experiences with Michael Bay, none of them overly pleasant.
SNAKE EYES ORIGIN by Captain Justice	Mar 25th, 2008 03:12:09 PM
Him and Storm Shadow are from the same ninja clan. Cobra Commander hires Firefly to kill the clan's leader which he does. He frames Storm Shadow which is why Snakeyes hates him. Storm Shadow then gets saved/recruited by Cobra Commander. Snakeeyes wears the mask and doesn't talk as a part of his ninja garbage. Oh and Snakeeyes and Storm Shadow were also formerly a part of the same US military platoon. I believe the name of the clan is something like arakashi. That's all from the comic books published long after the cartoon had run its course. Firefly better be in this btw.
I hated Transformers too. I am surprised by how much love it get by IAmJack'sUserID	Mar 25th, 2008 03:12:17 PM
It was a terribly painful thing to watch, the humor was anything but and I thought they totally went the dumb, easy route with TINO. I expected nothing less though, considering Michael Bay is one of the worst, most soulless directors working.
You know the more I think about it. by nerosday	Mar 25th, 2008 03:13:04 PM
Between the Real American Hero line and the Action Force lines in Europe the origins of these guys, especially the villians is so muddled they really could use some streamlining, but even I have to admit the "Baroness is CC sister, and Dukes lover" thing is stretching things a bit thin. Sure they could know eachother, but they don't all have to be eachother's second cousin's nephew's babysitters love child by his wife's uncles mistress' dentist either. you know? the more tied up they are in prolonged backstories the less fun this is gonna be. And with Sommers directing any semblance of a plot is just not going to be there so I'm holding out for the wow factor and all this cross pollination shit is eating into my wow here.
Oh yeah... by nerosday	Mar 25th, 2008 03:19:04 PM
And lets not forget the Snake-Eyes, Scarlet love thing handled side by side with the Snake-Eyes, Storm Shadow, Zartan, "You killed my Master," plot line. This thing holds the potential to be all over the place. Here's hoping they mainly deal with the Duke Cobra Commander, Baroness crap and let this movie suck on its own. Then maybe there can be a Snake-Eyes solo movie and they can get into the rest with a better director and script and then finally, FINALLY, the great Rau park will have a franchise of his own. Poor guy keeps being a one man show in bigger deals. Lucas never should have killed Maul
Terrible Terry Tate! by Speed Fricassee	Mar 25th, 2008 03:20:15 PM
Office Linebacker. He's the only one who can fill Mr. T's shoes. WHOA Baby YEAH!!
Stephen Sommers... by poeticwarriorII	Mar 25th, 2008 03:20:33 PM
is a no-talent cunt, they call it the dip is right. If you haven't learned that by now you're never going to. This movie will suck major ass.
Herb West by nerosday	Mar 25th, 2008 03:23:58 PM
rumor, but as they keep bringing it up again, and again, and now even Access is showning Levitt as CC and IMDB had shown him as "Rex Duke's friend," coupled with the full plot and script review posted more than a year ago on Latino Review, that matches what we keep hearing(long before anybody started getting real press discriptions)and its a pretty solid rumor. (whew)
Aw man, i thought that'd be the Fenslerfilm with Doc by finky089	Mar 25th, 2008 03:27:38 PM
I'd rather see the a string of Fenslerfilm get a theatrical release than this movie from Sommers.
It's good to see Saïd Taghmaoui playing a good guy by IndustryKiller!	Mar 25th, 2008 03:33:56 PM
I've enjoyed him in the small things I've seen him do and I always thought it sucked that he'd probably get typecast as a terrorist forever. Looking forward to seeing him in this.
I'm surprised no one has mentioned a Sgt. Slaughter cameo by IndustryKiller!	Mar 25th, 2008 03:37:50 PM
Seriously that would be rad. Even if he is just some chief of defense for the president or something. I remember as a kid we would always fight over who got to have the Sgt. Slaughter figure for their team.
"Who wants a body message?" by Meglos	Mar 25th, 2008 03:38:21 PM
I will be disappointed if this phrase is not incorporated into the flick. That or "Pork chop sandwhiches!"
And I don't literally mean... by IndustryKiller!	Mar 25th, 2008 03:39:32 PM
he should be playing Sgt. Slaughter. Just that the wrestler (whose real name I don't know) should appear somewhere in the film as a minor character. Just thought I should clarify that.
BODYMASSAGE! by ironic_name	Mar 25th, 2008 03:43:00 PM
ge eyyyyyye joooooooooooooooe
Help a brother out. by Mr. Mcpoops	Mar 25th, 2008 03:44:53 PM
Go here so I can watch GI JOE when it comes out. http://paymystudentloans.blogs pot.com/
Marlon Wayans for Roadblock by Kurzinski Valentine	Mar 25th, 2008 03:55:37 PM
...oh wait.
Kat Williams for Roadblock by Brians Life	Mar 25th, 2008 04:07:49 PM
KAH KOW!!!
Porkchop sandwiches! by abulafia24	Mar 25th, 2008 04:11:08 PM
Anybody want a body massage?
I want MAN-BEAR-PIG: THE MOVIE by random dude	Mar 25th, 2008 04:12:56 PM

Gracious, my bones are aching!!! by Queerbait	Mar 25th, 2008 04:34:41 PM
Storm's coming on Annie. You'd better get home quick!!!
Yo, Joe! by Stereotypical Evil Archer	Mar 25th, 2008 04:35:30 PM
Cheesy, but I love it.
critch by one9deuce	Mar 25th, 2008 04:46:13 PM
I have to concur with IndustyKiller! You're ignorant. 99% plus of the population doesn't know the difference between poor filmmaking and great filmmaking. They only know what they like or what they don't. They have completely subjective opinions and couldn't analyze a film to save their life. You're in that group. What IAmLegolas was trying to say is that we didn't get an origin story for Chigurh and we didn't get an origin story for Llewelyn Moss. Because you don't need them. We hear a little here and there in dialogue that is serving another function already. In other words: a very brilliant way of doing it. The opposite of clumsy exposition or pointless character origins.
Gaagh!! by BizarroJerry	Mar 25th, 2008 04:48:53 PM
Both of those details have been revealed more than once! Snake-Eyes doesn't speak because of an accident during a helicopter crash that scarred his face (why he wears the mask) and damaged his vocal chords beyond repair, leaving him mute. He was trying to save Scarlett at the time. It was only a mystery in the cartoons! As for Destro, the mask is a family tradition that started hundreds of years ago. During some war in England (I forget when exactly) one of his ancestors was caught providing weapons to both sides of the war. As a punishment, they forced him to wear a metal mask, ala "Man in the Iron Mask". Instead of accept it as a mark of dishonor, the family started wearing metal masks as a badge of honor! I suppose this may be some bad reporting or the producer thinking people didn't know about the real origin. I hope it doesn't indicate that they've come up with an all-new reason for these things.
kevred by one9deuce	Mar 25th, 2008 04:50:20 PM
Your post is brilliant. STAR WARS is a perfect example of putting an audience right into the story. When a film is concentrating so much on an origin then it's painfully obvious that there isn't much story.
antmanx68 by one9deuce	Mar 25th, 2008 04:52:51 PM
I love this comment you wrote about VAN HELSING: "adjusted for badassery potential: The worst movie ever made". That says it perfectly.
DIRECTED BY STEPHEN SOMMERS. by alice 13	Mar 25th, 2008 04:54:05 PM
again reiterating for the chronically brain dead.
I guess I rehashed some stuff by BizarroJerry	Mar 25th, 2008 04:54:35 PM
But let me add, there's fan site that details every damn thing about the comic series, with looong profiles for some characters. Their origins are naturally at the start of the profiles, so you need not read it all: http://tinyurl.com/37xu6v
Merrick, you poor fool by Jack Colby	Mar 25th, 2008 04:59:18 PM
Sommers is the least of our worries, considering the script details. But if you reference the cartoon without even mentioning that the comic (and even file cards on the toys) answered these questions ages ago, I don't think I can help you.
This will not be good. by Underoos Hero	Mar 25th, 2008 04:59:52 PM
I just cannot see this being adapted to live action unless you went with a cartoony approach like Sin City or 300. Then maybe.
kevred, you too. by Jack Colby	Mar 25th, 2008 05:02:44 PM
Destro's motivation is important, and not the same as "knowing what a jawa is", since he is a major character here. His motivations make him interesting, and let him stand apart from, for example, Cobra Commander. It's called character development, and making a story worth watching instead of brainless effects shots and fluff for an hour and a half. The comic had this in spades, the cartoon... basically had none (none that meant anything or informed character development, anyhow.)
I hate when people blame the director by Jor-El23	Mar 25th, 2008 05:19:16 PM
of big budget summer action movies. Really they should be blaming the writer or writers. Of course Sommers wrote a lot of the crap that he directed but he's not writing G.I. Joe...granted one of the guys who is writing it also wrote Hitman and Swordfish but the other guy writing it was involved with the Pirates movies, 30 Days of Night and Collateral. I don't get how people can complain about the director in most of these big budget movies...the thing I hear al the time about these movies, and what I usually take away from it is "It looked great but the story sucked ass" or something like that. See: Transformers, The Mummy etc...without a good script those movies falter every single time. As long as the GI Joe script is good, I'm not worried.
Now YOU know.... not I.... by Paragon Complex	Mar 25th, 2008 05:20:44 PM
Get it right, dude. It's "Now you know, and knowing is half the battle." Anybody that grew up in the 80's would know that. I like the idea of an origin story. At least it's never been done.
I'm pretty sure it was both, Paragon Complex by Reel American Hero	Mar 25th, 2008 05:26:43 PM
I could be wrong, but I'm almost 95% sure that both were used in different spots. Some with the kid of the spot saying Now I know, and then others with the Joe of the spot saying, Now You Know.
Thanks one9deuce, and I 2nd your motion re: antmanx68 by kevred	Mar 25th, 2008 05:32:13 PM
That "adjusted for badassery potential" line is utterly fantastic and sums up everything I hate about Van Helsing in far fewer words than I always use. Such a brilliant setup for a film, such a worthless CG-slathered, hokey, mess of a result. Wolverine, Faramir, and those actresses, with monsters, and we get gatling-gun crossbows. The fools!
Jack Colby, you're right, in a sense by kevred	Mar 25th, 2008 05:45:23 PM
Wanting all the backstory and no backstory are both legitimate views, if the film is made well. I like not knowing who the fat guy with the deadly bowler hat in the James Bond flick is, for example, or exactly who Rain in Big Trouble in Little China is and how he/it came to be, and I kind of feel the same way about the main characters in those films, too. Something we can probably both agree on is that Hollywood seems to have forgotten how to do either approach well. Again, citing Star Wars--that had a fairly slim storyline yet never felt dumb, because it did a wonderful job of explaining just enough during the flow of the story while hinting at deeper backstories. Hollywood seems to either make something that's so empty-dumb it's not even fun, or so bogged down with backstory that the main story ends up feeling rushed and unsatisfying. (I feel this way about the first X-Men movie, which got so much else right but not that.) Whatever angle they take, is it too much for us to ask that they just do it well?
Better than Citizen Kanye... by anchorite	Mar 25th, 2008 05:47:56 PM
Bush hates black people!
WILL THE FILM FEATURE.... by Err	Mar 25th, 2008 06:17:31 PM
a 40 minute shootout with red and blue laser guns with no one actually getting hit despite the fact that these are the best people in the world at what they do, just like in the cartoon?
Check out Bridget... by StuntGirl.com	Mar 25th, 2008 06:24:18 PM
Riley. The latest StuntGirl to sign on to G.I. Joe to double Sienna Miller. She's a 5-time World Kickboxing Champ and just got done filming Watchmen in Vancouver. Her videos and pics are at StuntGirl.com
the real video by BadMrWonka	Mar 25th, 2008 06:27:40 PM
this is the real GI Joe message video...so much better: http://tinyurl.com/hsmny
Destro and Snake Eyes Background... by red1701	Mar 25th, 2008 06:30:44 PM
Destro is part of an eastern european family line that traditionally has the head of the family wear the mask...something from midevial times... Snake Eyes got his face f-ed up in vietnam and is badly disfigured...
SAMUEL L. JACKSON FOR COBRA COMMANDER! by Err	Mar 25th, 2008 06:32:11 PM
I'm tired of this ***** SNAKE EYES in my **** BASE!
Levitt as Cobra Commander is some strange shit by Drath	Mar 25th, 2008 06:38:49 PM
Granted I'm now rooting for him to get the role of the Joker in future Batman movies because he looks so much like Heath Ledger and isn't that bad an actor either...but casting him as CC seems very strange to me. I suppose if they do what they did with Edward Norton in Kingdom of Heaven, it could work. But he's so damned young! How could he possibly be this enigmatic figurehead? And isn't it creepy that CC had a son in the comics who would probably be a stronger fit for JGL anyway? I don't know why but that's the riskiest casting I've seen for this movie. Course all my choices were called old by the infants on here because they might have earned a pay check in the 70s, so whatever. I think Arnold Vosloo as Zartan and Christopher Eccleston as Destroy should switch roles, Vosloo is much more Destroy in my mind even if he isn't Scottish. And I still think Cillian Murphy should play someone evil in this, maybe Tomax and Xamot (thouth I also still think that Michael York is those guys).
cobra commander by smutpeddlar	Mar 25th, 2008 06:47:04 PM
John Kreese?
TOO SOON!!!!!!!!!!! by Pageiv	Mar 25th, 2008 06:52:45 PM
As long as there are hot women like the cartoon and comic I'm there.
Major Bludd contracted Major AIDS... by Gus Van Rant	Mar 25th, 2008 07:12:06 PM
Hence forth, he will not be in the movie.
Backstory by one9deuce	Mar 25th, 2008 07:38:04 PM
The smart way: A character's backstory is revealed organically within the narrative. The hack way: Clumsily showing us every little unimportant detail.
Sommers is okay. by TomBodet	Mar 25th, 2008 07:49:35 PM
Mummy I is a good movie, Mummy II was NOT, it was a mess, Van Helsinki was like Mummy II, good in places but in serious need of judicious editing/self restraint by the director and/or Giant Robots, the sea monsters thingie he did was fun too. I think he's as good a choice for this as anyone else.
Channing Tatum let it slip in an interview on by SID 8.0	Mar 25th, 2008 07:55:46 PM
MSN.com that Levitt will be playing cobra commander. Plus he said it's more cartoon than anything else. They are using pulse rifles (read as laser rifles)instead of conventional weapons. The pictures of Snake Eyes were cool but this is going down the crapper fast.
calling all film fans by metaluna	Mar 25th, 2008 08:05:28 PM
Can I just point out here that it's a bit pointless expecting this to be anything other than the sum of it's parts i.e. a pile of utter crap, so it's pointless arguing the merits of this? Just let some dipshit in Hollywood write a big cheque, watch it sink without trace and please a few fanboys who still play with dolls. Meanwhile, the rest of us can move on and ignore this childish bollocks, huh?
please no cobra-la by _SnakePlissken_	Mar 25th, 2008 08:42:46 PM
it ruined it for me as a kid
SUZY DON'T FORGET YOUR SANDWHICHES!!!! by The Amazing G	Mar 25th, 2008 08:43:09 PM

oh I don't waaaaaaaaant a pickle by The Amazing G	Mar 25th, 2008 08:44:40 PM
I just wanna ride my MOOOOOOOOOtorsickle!!!!
Jamaica mon fus, mi naily ded wid laugh by The Awful Goggle	Mar 25th, 2008 08:44:52 PM
a watching de people rush de door like harbour shark, So come! Fun time deh yah, a time fi di bus ride, sunshine deh yah, a time fi di bus ride. Suhshine deh yah, a time fi di bus ride, fun time deh yah, a time fi di bus ride, Go!
Tomax and Xamot.... by Loosejerk	Mar 25th, 2008 08:51:04 PM
always struck me as queer. Maybe it was because I found them in the basement sodomizing my dad.
FIRST by Prossor	Mar 25th, 2008 08:55:27 PM
oh fuck all yall
Samuel Jackson as Doc by Orionsangels	Mar 25th, 2008 08:56:46 PM

Tomax and Xamot played by Adam from Dynasty by Orionsangels	Mar 25th, 2008 08:57:40 PM
That was me casting in the 80's as a kid.
I'll out up with this.. by ZeroCorpse	Mar 25th, 2008 09:09:59 PM
If it leads to a GI Joe versus Transformers movie.
GOLD INTO DIARRHEA? by BurgerTime	Mar 25th, 2008 09:16:23 PM
You've gotta laugh at that. Such vivid imagery. Thanks Merrick. An early classic for 2008.
Ray Park Porked Again! by RosebudsStarfish	Mar 25th, 2008 10:02:51 PM
Does this guy stutter or something? Why else all the non-speaking roles? Dubbed over in the Phantom Mucus and now this. A couple of lines as Toad? I hope he gets paid for a speaking role or at least gets to see Sienna's cooch.
epic win The Awful Goggle by The Amazing G	Mar 25th, 2008 10:05:48 PM
I could never figure out what that guy was saying (other than "bus ride")
"GI Joe is.... by 23GreatWoundsAllGotInBattle	Mar 25th, 2008 10:08:46 PM
..is the codename for America’s highly trained special missions force. Its purpose, to defend the world against Cobra - a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world." That is the only backstory necessary, hopefully read by the same bassy voiced guy from the cartoon. GI Joe was one of the first comics I collected. Hama did write some great stories in there. The ninja clan stuff, Zartan invading Joe HQ (and getting decked by Sgt. Slaughter), the death of Storm Shadow and his resurrection in the Serpentor origin issue were all top notch. Destro with a nanite facial and "Rex Duke" being involved with the Baroness are GAYYYYYYY. I hope all the Latin Review spoiler crap is bullshit, because if it's not this script is already shite.
GAME OVER YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! by The Amazing G	Mar 25th, 2008 10:10:03 PM

will Serpentor be in this? by Boomers_Lips	Mar 25th, 2008 10:35:05 PM
i think Marlon Wayans could play him.
More Origin stories? by br1947	Mar 25th, 2008 10:57:56 PM
Just once, I'd like a film adaptation to just kick off with a 2-3 minute "Here's where we're at" synopsis, then jump headlong into the badassness. Not that there will be any badassness in this movie to jump into... I only wish Bay directed this too so I could keep up the simple mantra "Damn you Micheal Bay!". "Damn you Stephen Sommers!" just doesn't have the same ring to it.
And TomBodet, Giant Robots just might help this... by br1947	Mar 25th, 2008 11:00:12 PM

Robert Remus as Sgt. Slaughter by Mr Spork	Mar 25th, 2008 11:16:43 PM
A cameo appearance. Also, they should've got Terry Crews instead of Marlon Wayans.
Channing Fucking Tatum!? by Skankardly	Mar 25th, 2008 11:22:40 PM
makes Van Damme look like fucking Daniel Day Lewis! fuck!
Merrick, since you're trolling the Access Hollywod shows by YackBacker	Mar 25th, 2008 11:24:30 PM
How's Nicole Ritchie doing nowadays? Great article, Woodward.
NO Origin story...change the script. by nieman	Mar 25th, 2008 11:33:44 PM
I'm glad someone agrees with me about them using an origin story for the movie. I think nothing good can come out of that. What was the last great movie that was an origin story? It seems like they are taking an easy way out. Cmon, the Destro clan goes back centuries with wearing the mask so are they gonna show all of that? How can they stuff 20-25 years of backstory into one movie without it being congested and rushed?
don't blame the script by sarsy	Mar 25th, 2008 11:41:05 PM
Hello? Stephen Sommers, director of masterpieces like Van Helsing and Mummy Returns.. theres no chance in hell this will be watcheable
Make it just a hair above realistic. A little bit of lasers goe by captain omega	Mar 26th, 2008 03:24:15 AM
I'd like it to have the same flavor that first few comics had. I hope the movie doesn't get too far out there. Go back to the first few episodes of the comic and you'll see that it was almost realistic. What I mean is that it was cool because, it was only a hair above actual cutting edge stuff. Later on, it was too fake with all of the weird equipment and characters. In the beginning, it was a big deal that there was one guy who had a laser rifle (backpack powered) and there was one piece of equipment that fired a lazer (HAL, the heavy artillery laser). Otherwise, it was just our actual Delta Force with a little extra. The only caveat to my "go back to the original comics" bit, is that the Storm Shadow, Hard Master/Soft Master stuff was cool. I liked it better when it was more of an elite "team", rather than a small army. I read that Larry Hama, the creator had to keep making up that wierd shit, and new characters just because Hasbro wanted to sell more toys. (probably stating the obvious or something somebody here already said) I hope the movie never has the guys utter "Yo Joe!" or "Knowing is half the battle."
Cartoon was garbage compared to the Comics.. by Monkey_King	Mar 26th, 2008 04:22:54 AM
Hama and Devils Due did G.I.Joe justice
The funny thing about the comics. by Stalkeye	Mar 26th, 2008 07:21:35 AM
..involved two car crashes that involved snake eyes and a relative of both cobra commander and the baroness, which was their motivation by way of revenge to kill snake eyes. Did Hama run out of ideas at the time or what?Anyway props to the comic as it was the only one to finally knock Xmen off it's winning streak back in the day. Cillian Murphy as Tomax/Xamot might work even if he looks a bit ghey.
Stalkeye, are you sure? by Grammaton Cleric Binks	Mar 26th, 2008 07:44:32 AM
I need to dig through my comics, because I remember young Destro seeing young Baroness crying when her brother died, but I don't remember it being a car crash.
"knowing is half the battle"?????? NO!!! by FleshMachine	Mar 26th, 2008 07:49:39 AM
thats stupid...this film should ignore the show and stick to the comics.
"Ask A Neighbor For Help" by BigTuna	Mar 26th, 2008 07:55:30 AM
Yeah like your neighbor wants to be bothered with that shit.
And, what if your neighbor goes by a by Grammaton Cleric Binks	Mar 26th, 2008 08:00:41 AM
first, middle, and last name like John Wayne Gacey?
Since Hasbro owned Joe, you gotta admit by Grammaton Cleric Binks	Mar 26th, 2008 08:03:01 AM
Hama did a great job of keeping the balance of a great comic while sliding in the required toy when Hasbro needed it. Truth is I never even noticed the toys in the comic. That's how good a job he did. Since Hama sent pics to AICN directly, I hope he's monitoring these talkbacks.
It's been awhile since I read the comics, Gram by Stalkeye	Mar 26th, 2008 08:19:16 AM
but if i got one plot arc confused with another, I must retract part of my previous post. But no doubt CC and the Baroness hold Snake Eyes responsible for the death of their relatives/brothers and I found that too much of a coincidence.For the most part Hama did a outstanding job managing the Joe comics unfortunatley as the years went by, there were too many Ninjas (Zartan, hell yea as it made more sense.but firefly? WTF?)and Villians switching sides kinda lost my intrest. But as you hinted part of the fault goes to Hasbro starting with far-fetched concpts like Serpentor and Battleforce 2000 (However I did love the BF 2000 toys.)Thank god Larry put his foot down by refusing to add Cobra la in the comics, but that was'nt good enough to omit Transformers from the latter issues. Talk about fan service.
I would love to see a Movie based on by Stalkeye	Mar 26th, 2008 08:24:55 AM
The Micronauts which as far as I can recall was the first comic to be based on a toyline.Marvel/Bill Mantlo did a great job with the comic and although easily compared to Star Wars, the plot was different and unique. A live action version would kill.
The Three Snakes by Stalkeye	Mar 26th, 2008 08:30:23 AM
Snake Plissken,Snake Eyes and Solid Snake. Ultimate team up or deathmatch? we all know who would win. XD
I'm not saying you've confused Stalkeye by Grammaton Cleric Binks	Mar 26th, 2008 08:46:54 AM
You could be right. I just don't remember. I forget if my box of Joes is here, or in my parents house. I've gotta start digging, maybe later tonight I can find the answer. I'm with you though, turning Firefly into a ninja was dumb, and I loved the ninjas. I like how Hama included the "new" Cobra Commander so Hasbro could get their toy out, then got rid of him in a storyline which was quite compelling.
Get LeBron James to play Big Lob by SID 8.0	Mar 26th, 2008 08:50:17 AM
Now that's casting. Hey it couldn't make this movie any worse.
It seems Lebron is in a bit of controversy regarding by Stalkeye	Mar 26th, 2008 09:29:32 AM
that Vogue cover. Ouch!
"Knowing is half the battle" by sapno_krei	Mar 26th, 2008 10:23:06 AM
Personally, I don't mind little winking references like this, as long as they are done tastefully and in a non-distracting way. The phone booth gag in SUPERMAN: THE MOVIE is one of my all time faves. It's in-your-face, but in keeping with the fun of the movie.
i'm still pissed they didn't cast Claudia Black as by CrichtonAstronut	Mar 26th, 2008 10:34:52 AM
the Baroness. That would have been perfect.
Transformers by zombiezeus	Mar 26th, 2008 10:55:04 AM
I have yet to see anyone get specific about why "Transformers" was good at all. What exactly worked about that movie? The action moved so quickly it was confusing, the 'relationships' between the robots were nonsensical, there was no sense of grandeur or suspense at any point whatsoever, and the WHOLE REASON these two 'races' had a war--the energon cube--is simply ABSORBED INTO MEGATRON'S CHEST AT THE END?!! THAT's the whole reason you enact a milleniums-long war? And it can be simply absorbed into nothingness? And Megatron, a fucking 13-foot-tall robot who can turn into an alien jet CLIMBS UP THROUGH A BUILDING to take away this precious device from a 17 year old kid? Are you fucking kidding me? I wanted to like Transformers. I had hope. But when you can't make a movie about GIANT ROBOTS FIGHTING EACH OTHER actually be fun, or have all that much robot-fighting in it, for that matter, then you've done one thing. You've failed. Somebody PLEASE tell me what there was to like about Transformers. I want someone to change my mind about it, seriously. What'd I miss?
some black person for roadblock by ironic_name	Mar 26th, 2008 11:25:24 AM
cobraa lalalalalalala!!!!!!!!!!
Sommers better not fuck this up! by Space Disc Jockey	Mar 26th, 2008 01:17:55 PM
The Snake Eyes pics are fucking bad-ass, but Sommers's track-record is concerning. The only movie I like that he made was "Deep Rising". Fingers crossed that he will get this right.
sommers blows.im sorry. michael bay would be awesome with this by THE_ONE_MAN_GANG	Mar 26th, 2008 03:17:34 PM

Yeah, Sienna Miller is not the Baroness by Drath	Mar 26th, 2008 07:43:06 PM
I can only hope to be massively surprised by her in this. RE the comics vs cartoon, they were both good for what they were. I loved the supernatural stuff in the cartoon because that's what cartoons did back then anyway. I think the intrigue of the comic would not have worked in a cartoon, and I didn't miss it on the show and I think it helped me appreciate how complex things were in the comics because it was so different. Also I for one liked that Cobra La was like something right out of a Kirby/Lee Marvel comic plot. It fit fine with what the show had been, and I was cool with that. Pythona was one of the best 80s monster women! But yeah, I think a new movie needs to be extra careful about using that stuff in a movie just as I think you want to avoid the Krang and Dimension X stuff of TMNT.

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