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Latauro Hunts & Slays 10,000 B.C.!!

First! by MrInsidious	Mar 4th, 2008 09:06:51 AM
I have dreamed of this moment
wow. what a surprise--this movie sucked... by moondoggy2u	Mar 4th, 2008 09:07:08 AM

First? by juggygales1000	Mar 4th, 2008 09:07:11 AM
Could it Be?
Latauro that was hilarious by Kloipy	Mar 4th, 2008 09:07:51 AM
the opening narration thing made my eyes bleed
Got you Juggy!! by MrInsidious	Mar 4th, 2008 09:08:16 AM
I reign supreme!
Got you Juggy!! by MrInsidious	Mar 4th, 2008 09:08:38 AM
I reign supreme!
Got you Juggy!! by MrInsidious	Mar 4th, 2008 09:08:41 AM
I reign supreme!
Damn! I was 3rd (and 4th) by juggygales1000	Mar 4th, 2008 09:09:18 AM
Watch "Mammoth" on DVD instead. It may be stupid, but at least it doesn't pretend to not know that.
Its not that special, Insidious by moondoggy2u	Mar 4th, 2008 09:10:11 AM
I've done it lots of times. You can thank me for allowing you to post first, too. I scrolled down, saw that no one had posted yet, and in the face of AICN TB'er instinct, I just read the article and sipped my OJ, allowing someone like you, who has never pulled a first before, to actually fulfill his manifest destiny. You're welcome.
First...to say... by Raindog789	Mar 4th, 2008 09:10:27 AM
Who gives a shit? Did anyone, anywhere, at any point in time, past, present or future, ever think this movie was going to be anything but a gurgling shit-bog?
Lets be honest by satman83	Mar 4th, 2008 09:12:41 AM
did ANYONE think this was going to be a good movie at all ? I mean i saw about 10 seconds of the trailer and one thing came to my mind..."shit fest"
Should have added dinosaurs by Triceratops on Fire	Mar 4th, 2008 09:18:14 AM
I mean if you're going to have anachronisms might as well go for broke. And while we're at it, they should add some people born from seeds. Let's really mess with evolution.
Roland Emerich + MIllions of Dollars = Buring dog shit by erichaislar	Mar 4th, 2008 09:21:33 AM
Just saying.
The only thing that could have saved this... by groorgman	Mar 4th, 2008 09:23:40 AM
Was if the Gieco Cavemen were in it...oh wait that was a horrible failure too. Maybe if 10,000 BC was a 2 minute insurance sales pitch it would be more sucessful?
Wow, I am completely not surprised! by rbatty024	Mar 4th, 2008 09:25:40 AM
I think everyone knew this was going to be a crapfest and Roland Emmerich didn't disappoint. I actually think a movie like this would have been pretty cool if it was done well. Too bad that doesn't look like it's going to happen any time soon.
Really by ForkTongue	Mar 4th, 2008 09:27:18 AM
I mean what did you expect it's written by Roland Emmerich, nuff said. Egyptians and cavemen? Emmerich came right out and said if you're going to see my movie looking for historical answers than you may want to avoid this. He just wanted to hack out a grand caveman adventure. I'm nto surprised at all by the poor script. The same article I read said that it took 147 hours to render 1 second of the opening Wooly Mammoth scene. That's sick. Maybe he should've taken some more time to work on the script but oh well, that's Emmerich for you.
No word on the killer ostriches?? by skimn	Mar 4th, 2008 09:29:00 AM
Or goony-birds, or whatever they are? Sounds like someone saw the DVD of 300 one time too many, with the over the top narration...this movie has test market mash up all over it..a bit of Apocalypto, a dash of 300, wild prehistoric animals like on, ya know, the Discovery Channel...Emmerich has made some enjoyable junk in the past (c'mon President Pullman's rallying speech scores a couple of points), but this sounds dumb even by his standards.
The girls... by Roderich	Mar 4th, 2008 09:32:39 AM
do they shave their armpits and legs in this "movie"? I bet they do![p]P.S.:I'm from germany, Roland Emmerich is from germany, but this guy with his lousy movies is hated here as much as in the rest of the world. So much for patriotism...
Good retarded, or bad retarded? by Franklin T Marmoset	Mar 4th, 2008 09:33:44 AM
I reckon we need a review from a true connoisseur of Dumbhouse to really do this one justice. Emmerich is one of the elite Dumbhouse directors, and I was hoping this new film of his would be kind of like Apocalypto, but genetically bonded with the hilarious stupidity of Timeline and, of course, The Day After Tomorrow (a film about running away from weather). Will I like this one if I like the dumb?
I wanted this to be good. by rev_skarekroe	Mar 4th, 2008 09:33:45 AM
A caveman movie featuring the currently popular lost civilization pseudo-archaeological theories? Sign me up! Too bad it (apparently) blows.
so then it sounds like a keeper! by just pillow talk	Mar 4th, 2008 09:34:58 AM
I'll eventually check this garbage out on DVD. I'm so happy it's so awful!
I ight go to see it now! by kikuchiyoboy	Mar 4th, 2008 09:35:56 AM
"It is said that legends live where truth dies... and if the passage of time teaches us anything about truth, it's that a legend cannot die. But there is one legend whose truth will become a thing of legend, and in time, will be whispered upon the seven winds of the earth, and will then be the world's truest legend." Just to hear that spoken in a crowded theater with true surround sound... then take my popcorn and leave. Hee hee. That sounds too good to miss.
Its like Apocalypto... by ccchhhrrriiisssm	Mar 4th, 2008 09:37:33 AM
...except it isn't as visually stunning, intelligent or meaningful. Plus, the story sucks.
Its like Apocalypto... by ccchhhrrriiisssm	Mar 4th, 2008 09:38:42 AM
...except it isn't as visually stunning, intelligent or meaningful. Plus, the story sucks.
Pulp! by CuervoJones	Mar 4th, 2008 09:44:38 AM
I like pulp stories, specially prehistoric pulp stories. I´m there.
Plant!! by Varakor	Mar 4th, 2008 09:45:59 AM
oh wait, it's a negative review. Nevermind, nevermind. move along folks, nothin to see here.
Such a PLANT! by Embeedeuce	Mar 4th, 2008 09:46:36 AM

Apocalypto was pretty bad as well. by rbatty024	Mar 4th, 2008 09:46:42 AM
Except for the chase scene in the middle. That fucking kicked ass, but the rest of the movie, from the jackass practical jokes of the beginning to the sped up baby delivery at the end, the movie pretty much blew. That being said, it will look like The Godfather next to 10,000 B.C.
Roland Emmerich is a TERRIBLE filmmaker by kwisatzhaderach	Mar 4th, 2008 09:52:10 AM

this movie is the prequel to Encino Man by Kloipy	Mar 4th, 2008 09:52:32 AM
Maaaaammmmoooothhhhhh Budddddddyy
10000 B.C. is like Barack Hussein Obama... by ccchhhrrriiisssm	Mar 4th, 2008 09:52:47 AM
...grossly inexperienced and terribly overrated! And like Obama, it throws in a bit of leftist ideology too!
And they'll keep making movies like this by GodMars	Mar 4th, 2008 09:54:26 AM
Because most of the world is as retarded as this movie is, and people will be lining up to see it.
10000 B.C. is like Barack Hussein Obama... by ccchhhrrriiisssm	Mar 4th, 2008 09:55:05 AM
All talk and no substance.
by GunRunner	Mar 4th, 2008 09:57:40 AM
Ccchhhrrriiisssm is correct. That opening narration sounds like Barack Obama campaign commercial, except more intelligent. It is said that legends live where truth dies... and if the passage of time teaches us anything about truth, it's that a legend cannot die. But there is one legend whose truth will become a thing of legend, and in time, will be whispered upon the seven winds of the earth, and will then be the world's truest legend. Vote Obama.
Obama - Let's take America back, to 10,000 B.C. by GunRunner	Mar 4th, 2008 09:58:25 AM
Ccchhhrrriiisssm is correct. That opening narration sounds like Barack Obama campaign commercial, except more intelligent. It is said that legends live where truth dies... and if the passage of time teaches us anything about truth, it's that a legend cannot die. But there is one legend whose truth will become a thing of legend, and in time, will be whispered upon the seven winds of the earth, and will then be the world's truest legend. Vote Obama.
Roland Emmerich is a TERRIBLE scriptwriter by CuervoJones	Mar 4th, 2008 09:59:39 AM
But he is an OK director. At least you know what´s happening in his action sequences
plant by smackfu	Mar 4th, 2008 10:08:47 AM

Sounds like he should direct Transformers 2 by GibsonUSA	Mar 4th, 2008 10:13:19 AM

Yeah the concept was so cool. by GibsonUSA	Mar 4th, 2008 10:16:02 AM
10,000 BC....man hunting, developing society, taking down mammoths....it could have been so cool.
CG =NOT SCARY by GibsonUSA	Mar 4th, 2008 10:17:19 AM
Stupid X-Box looking sabertooth tiger in the trailer......CG=NOT SCARY.
but they all have to sound like a Trent Reznor b-side? by Deus Vult	Mar 4th, 2008 10:18:05 AM
is one of the funniest things I've ever ready in an aicn review, outside of whatever neil cumpston writes of course.
HEY CAPTAIN JUSTICE--------- by Deus Vult	Mar 4th, 2008 10:20:23 AM
so you've seen "in bruges" eh? gimme the unbiased review please, if you have time: infitior@gmail.com or if you prefer post here. I want to see it but need to know if its really as funny as it looks, and what especially made you call it the best movie of the year...so far.
"yellow hills of unprocessed glass." by DocPazuzu	Mar 4th, 2008 10:22:46 AM
Isn't that a book by Frank Herbert?
Captain Justice by ForkTongue	Mar 4th, 2008 10:24:00 AM
yeah post it here. Seems like the only choice in this weak movie field right now.
PLANT! by cerebulon	Mar 4th, 2008 10:33:35 AM
Just sayin'.
ID4 2 & Stargate by Kampbell-Kid	Mar 4th, 2008 10:39:43 AM
I think people only care if Roland Emmerich makes another ID4 or Stargate. Everything else I've seen from him has been meh, although The Patriot was decent.
Plant!!! Plant!!! Plant!!! by Bill Brasky	Mar 4th, 2008 10:45:17 AM
Obvioiusly a plant from arclight films trying to help "The Bank Job."
Sounds like it will be good by Sithdan	Mar 4th, 2008 10:46:00 AM
Some movies are destined for failure. Without giving so much as a chance, such films receive overwhelming condemnation from the critics long before the inaugural screening. But reading between the lines of this guy’s review, it looks to me like an entertaining flick. I’m picturing 300 set in Mesopotamia. I tend to enjoy movies that are panned by the general audience like Independence Day, X-Men 3, the SW prequels, Pirates 2 and 3 and Matrix 3. So one critic’s waste of time is an enjoyable cinematic experience for me.
late onset retardation by greyspecter	Mar 4th, 2008 10:46:37 AM
I'm stealing that one
also by greyspecter	Mar 4th, 2008 10:50:54 AM
great review. Hire this man! Seriously, has Emmerich made a decent movie since Stargate? Anyone? Anyone? Fry?
by redkamel	Mar 4th, 2008 10:51:09 AM
man I thought it was going to be bad, but not this bad
Cavemen TV show writers are even laughing their asses off. by dirtsandwich	Mar 4th, 2008 10:53:03 AM
Roland sucks horse cock. Everything he touches turns to turd. Having the English language in this is LAME! Please don't remake A Fantastic Voyage and fuck that up too.
ANTI-PLANT! by Mistahtibbs	Mar 4th, 2008 10:53:50 AM

Greyspecter by Sithdan	Mar 4th, 2008 10:55:52 AM
Yep, they're called Independence Day, The Patriot and The Day After Tomorrow.
damn... by Mistahtibbs	Mar 4th, 2008 10:56:31 AM
This reviewer is an ANTI-PLANT! Were he to come into immediate proximity of a plant the consequences for our space-time continuum would be catastrophic! Besides, I thought the earth was only 6000 years old. MT
A bad Roland Emmerich movie? You're kidding! by Trazadone	Mar 4th, 2008 10:59:55 AM
All of his films are dreadful, why would anyone expect any different?
Good point Mistahtibbs... by rbatty024	Mar 4th, 2008 11:01:36 AM
I think I'm going to get my local church to boycott and picket this thing. Where are the dinosaurs? And shouldn't they show at least one scene where the hand of God comes down to earth and re-molds a velociraptor into a bird? When will Hollywood stop with their bias against creationism and for biological fact?
sithdan... by greyspecter	Mar 4th, 2008 11:04:20 AM
I ... ...never mind. Go enjoy ID4 and Al Gore's Big Fantastic Work of Fiction. Rock on.
Holy Fraggaroly! by travis-dane	Mar 4th, 2008 11:06:12 AM
Sounds bad.
Too Voice-overy! by LargoJr	Mar 4th, 2008 11:07:10 AM
Sexiest tomboy kittycat on the planet! Seroiusly.. did anyone NOT think this was going to suck the second the first trailers came out??
The film's important message... by veritasses	Mar 4th, 2008 11:10:46 AM
is Emmerich is a horrible, terrible, awful filmmaker so stop giving him money to make films.
This review is fucking pretentious, even by laturo's standards. by ironic_name	Mar 4th, 2008 11:12:24 AM

I don't normally like laturo, by Lost Jarv	Mar 4th, 2008 11:18:27 AM
but that was belting.
Jarv by Kloipy	Mar 4th, 2008 11:19:40 AM
I just got the updated scriptures on lunch, they were fucktasticly wonderful!
Arabs didn't build pyramids genius by Happy Boy	Mar 4th, 2008 11:22:08 AM
if yer gonna nitpick the historical accuracy of a fantasy movie, makes the snark hit snarkier if you get your own snark snark.
Sounds like he just wanted to see by norrinrad	Mar 4th, 2008 11:25:45 AM
how exaggerated he could make a movie review. Not every movie you see is going to be the worst movie ever, it just can't be.
The Mac Virus in ID4 by veritasses	Mar 4th, 2008 11:26:11 AM
The fate of mankind resting on Jeff Goldblum's ability to create a Mac Virus to disable the Alien ships is by far the dumbest thing ever seen on film. I'm sure he thought it was a clever "update" to the War Of The Worlds virus but that's just proof the guy shouldn't even be shooting his own vacation videos. Emmerich needs to be permanently banned from Hollywood.
you could tell that this was going to be bad by Novaman5000	Mar 4th, 2008 11:29:05 AM
Because the trailers were so totally vague. No dialogue, no story points. Nothing but CG epicness to make it look like this amazing tale. Ah well, it should have been cool, but I'm not surprised that it wasn't.
No Aliens? by santi01	Mar 4th, 2008 11:30:17 AM
But I thought aliens built the pyramids? not only does it sound like it is a pile of steaming camel shit, but its gonna be historically innacurate to boot!
I like the Conan intro voiceover... by Cat_Corporation	Mar 4th, 2008 11:35:09 AM
And sadly I know it word for word. And they put it on the magnificent soundtrack! 'Conan...destined to wear the jewelled crown of Aquilonia upon a troubled brow...' But yeah, this has looked like utter shite since the very first. Will avoid as advised.
glad you like it Kloipy. by Lost Jarv	Mar 4th, 2008 11:35:18 AM
As soon as I transplant the MILF photo's in, and make it a bit more poncily academic then it will be done. Unless anyone thinks of some more passages/ books etc.
If the gargoyle kid from Stargate is in it Im there by Knobules	Mar 4th, 2008 11:36:03 AM
Remember the kid that looked like Tattoos brother with BillyBob teeth? At least it sort of looked like a kid. Not really sure what that was.
Novaman5000 by Sithdan	Mar 4th, 2008 11:37:58 AM
You're basing your assumption on one critic's review? I NEVER base my opinions of a film based on what the critics say. You should see the movie and then formulate an opinion. As I stated above, I've enjoyed many of the films that the critics have generally shredded in the past. Movies like ID4, The Patriot and Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End sit on my DVD shelf.
second the support for IN BRUGES by Jarek	Mar 4th, 2008 11:38:19 AM
More people have to see it. It's one of the freshest takes on the hitman genre I've ever seen, and is just overall a great time at the cinema.
That review kinda made me want to see it by Freakemovie	Mar 4th, 2008 11:43:00 AM
Sounds like dumb fun, which is exactly what the ads make it look like. I'm a big Independence Day fan (even though that movie has aged like shit) so I'm still looking forward to this.
Jarv-I loved it man by Kloipy	Mar 4th, 2008 11:44:02 AM
it was fucking beautiful
Funny review.... by Quake II	Mar 4th, 2008 11:44:06 AM
I had no intention on ever seeing this anyway. It looks like a family friendly Apocalypto with tons of CGI animals running around.
Oh, I'll throw my support for In Bruges as well by Freakemovie	Mar 4th, 2008 11:46:04 AM
It's really quite good...hilarious, but it but has some really dark, really cool moments at the end too.
Best Film Review Ever by jmatt80	Mar 4th, 2008 11:49:45 AM

Sounds like a Conan knockoff by Preacher_mg	Mar 4th, 2008 11:53:37 AM
The Conan stories take place around 10000 bc, they contain numerous peoples in fictional lands, and magic works. And the voiceover sounds strangly familiar... Emmerich was just too cheap to buy the rights, I guess. Or the right holders wisely refused him.
My rule of thumb... by Pariah74	Mar 4th, 2008 11:59:27 AM
If a movie is advertised as if it's a summer blockbuster action-o-rama but it's just barely March...odds are it's gonna suck like a hooker holding Gene Simmons' wallet.
They must have been using a map of Pangea. by Hagakure	Mar 4th, 2008 11:59:54 AM
That would explain a lot.
Not accurate... where are the Go'uld and the Stargate? by turketron	Mar 4th, 2008 12:03:06 PM
This shitfest doesn't get anything right.
I fucking hated ID4 and Godzilla by disfigurehead	Mar 4th, 2008 12:13:56 PM
so I have no hope for this film either.
Best Review Ever! by porterdsgn	Mar 4th, 2008 12:16:09 PM
This film is fucking retarded, even by Roland Emmerich's standards. And that line is brilliant!
Unprocessed ASS by Stuntcock Mike	Mar 4th, 2008 12:17:30 PM
.
Why do I get the feeling... by Blue_Demon	Mar 4th, 2008 12:17:52 PM
that if this had special effects by Ray Harryhausen we'd all be bent over with our pants around our ankles? Looks like something okay to while away a saturday afternoon. Still...gimme Raquel Welch in that fur bikini, baby! Oh...and stop-motion dinosaurs.
Hilarious by dr sauch	Mar 4th, 2008 12:27:15 PM
I NEVER had hope for this. From the get go, it looked retarded.
that cracked my shit up by occula	Mar 4th, 2008 12:27:33 PM
and the cherry on top was the subsequent use of the phrase 'gurgling shit bog' by raindog. brilliant. i mean - do any of us really give a fish's tit about sabre-toothed tigers and mammoths? they're so 1983. whatever happened to that homunculus from stargate? he was the kid who got blown up, right, coz he was so dumb he ran right under the pew-pew-pew laser beams?
ForkTongue by arctor	Mar 4th, 2008 12:30:09 PM
147 hours for 24 frames (all elements of the frame) = 6 hours per frame...not bad at all.
The Thing is..... by D o o d	Mar 4th, 2008 12:32:11 PM
There's a lot of retarded people out there who are watching his shit and he keeps making these supersized budget movies. You'd think someone high up would say,"How much do you want to make this movie..? But you're shitty Roland Emerich, now fuck off we're busy making Starshit Troopers 3"
Just rewatch Gibsons masterpiece, Apocalypto instead. by knowthyself	Mar 4th, 2008 12:52:44 PM
Skip on this garbage. Gibson already did it the right way.
And after Apocalypto watch 300. by knowthyself	Mar 4th, 2008 12:54:25 PM
That should be the experience THIS film tried to be but done far better.
D&D Creator Dies by BilboRing	Mar 4th, 2008 01:11:30 PM
Had a flagon of meade in his memory. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/200 80304/ap_en_ot/obit_gygax
Arctor by ForkTongue	Mar 4th, 2008 01:15:28 PM
Yeah I'm an editor, so that just blows my mind. I'm sure they had about 15 to 20 different computers doing the rendering but still. That's a helluva lotta time and money for a crappy movie.
hey xi by occula	Mar 4th, 2008 01:19:34 PM
can you use your super-secret military networking juju to hunt down that marine who threw the puppy off the cliff and have him rubbed out? thx.
That introductory narration... by Banshee7	Mar 4th, 2008 01:38:32 PM
sounds like an Obama campaign commercial.
RIP Gary Gygax by I am the most horrible	Mar 4th, 2008 01:38:39 PM
Now we start saving our gp for a resurrection spell.
Original 10,000 B.C. Script WAS without English by Hagrid1	Mar 4th, 2008 01:43:28 PM
I read the script for Centropolis years ago. At that draft, the dialogue was subtitled, and NOT in English. And it felt more Conan-like rather that Battlefield Pre-Historic Earth. I remember saying it was a great read, but a hard sell without English. But a ballsy script, regardless...
Man, GunRunner beat me to it. by Banshee7	Mar 4th, 2008 01:46:11 PM
But it's still funny.
thank you, friend-o. by occula	Mar 4th, 2008 01:55:24 PM
i feel better already. i have a strange long history of witnessing dogs being abused and finding abandoned dogs on the street, and the thought of somebody doing that - especially somebody, as you say, part of an organization which has a history of collaboration with animals - makes me want to go ber-ser-ker. ok, let's talk about another form of abuse instead: camilla belle in dreadlocks!
Save your shrill feminie whining for movies.. by Borgnine JR	Mar 4th, 2008 01:59:47 PM
...that deserve it Latauro. This could be the YOR of the double 0"s.
yes, but is Camilla Belle naked? by Zardoz	Mar 4th, 2008 02:03:16 PM
We all knew the movie was going to suck, but is CB in her primal state?
What race is it? by skywalkerfamily	Mar 4th, 2008 02:07:44 PM
What race hunts wolly mammoths and then builds Egyptian Pyramids?
N O W by idrinkyourmilkshake	Mar 4th, 2008 02:08:02 PM
that was a great friggin review.one of the best ever.
it will be great if this really flops by Rupee88	Mar 4th, 2008 02:09:11 PM
and really flops means that international box office is not that high either. There are so many dumbfucks out there to make shit films profitable, but hopefully they will even turn their backs on this one.
Emmerich is a shitty film-maker by Fist Dirtbox	Mar 4th, 2008 02:31:58 PM
But the "review" kinda irritated me. Seemed like a snotty excercise in point scoring which utterly failed to deal with any aspect of the production that would lead somebody to go see it. Is the action plentiful? and is it any good? Any comment on the striking imagery -plenty evident in the trailer- how good's the CG... You get my point I hope. Its easy to call the film-makers retarded, (and Emmerich's track record surely puts him in the frame) but theres very little intelligent criticism in that review.
The preview gave away everything by skywalkerfamily	Mar 4th, 2008 02:38:51 PM
People chase animals and build stuff. The end.
Prehistoric Plant by a rolling stone	Mar 4th, 2008 02:48:20 PM
Either this guy's the worst plant ever, and should be fired from the studio, or he's a brilliant plant skilled in the art of reverse-psychology. Or I'm paranoid...or he wants me to think I'm paranoid.
Sounds like Shit by Gungan Slayer	Mar 4th, 2008 03:15:24 PM
Which is what I expected. I was excited about this film, but I wrote this off when they showed pyramids in the trailers. massive pyramids...in the year 10,000 BC...? Apparently someone missed history class....
doesn't even get nekkid. by occula	Mar 4th, 2008 03:20:28 PM
and she has a great rack, too. it's definitely one for the hague, gents.
Well... by Darth Scourge	Mar 4th, 2008 03:41:53 PM

by Darth Scourge	Mar 4th, 2008 03:42:32 PM
Did anyone really expect anything good from that sauerkraut guzzling fuckwit Emmerich?
We need a new word for Retarded by PotSmokinAlien	Mar 4th, 2008 03:43:37 PM
...but i'm out of ideas
the new word for retarded is... by disfigurehead	Mar 4th, 2008 04:39:22 PM
Fucktard
What's with the Vegas shot in the commercial? by Mister Man	Mar 4th, 2008 04:42:09 PM
Actually, it looks like natives trashing the Contemporary Resort in Disney World. I assume it's a pyramid, even though I immediately thought I was seeing some weird tourism commercial cutting into the "10,000 BC" spot.
But how did they find a way to trash the Statue of Liberty? by I Dunno	Mar 4th, 2008 05:01:34 PM
...being Emmerich and all. I was actually wondering about the language thing and I'm glad to see that they failed in a spectacular way.
I thought this was a bad review... by nineballninja	Mar 4th, 2008 05:04:19 PM
But everything he described makes it sound REALLY AWESOME!
Anyone would have to be tarded to... by alienindisguise	Mar 4th, 2008 05:51:42 PM
expect this to be anything other than shit. On the tech side of things, I'm trying to figure out why the dinos looked better in JP and that was how many years ago? The tigers and mammoths in this look laughable at best. Seems that studios love bankrolling turds.
Plan9 Anyone? by mike904	Mar 4th, 2008 05:52:48 PM
That introductory narration reminds me of the one from "Plan Nine from Outer Space". "The future is important because it's where we're going to spend the rest of our lives."
This movie was dead on arrival from the get go by Orionsangels	Mar 4th, 2008 06:09:00 PM
Just by looking at the trailer. Hot model girl. Hot guys straight outta the Hills. All as cavemen speaking english. Ridiculous! You're insulting the audience. Do yourself a favor. Watch Apocalypto.
WHERE IS THAT GUY WHO LOVES USING by iamjoebu	Mar 4th, 2008 06:56:32 PM
THE TERM "WINGNUT"... He is small and entertaining... like Webster.
Uh, maybe bad guys speak different language from heroes? by Drath	Mar 4th, 2008 07:00:11 PM
Not to defend what looks like a totally shallow movie from a shallow director, but perhaps the bad guys were speaking another language that the heroes don't know is because--THEY'RE SPEAKING A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE THAT THE HEROES DON'T KNOW??!!! Is that really too hard a concept to grasp after accepting fricking Russian accents and, by your own account, an insultingly over-explanatory voice over narration? I mean, come on, if you're all pissy about the movie by then that you are picking at stuff as simple as that, then I think you need to be honest with yourself that the movie was already bothering you and save the shit storm for more credible gripes--of which it sounds like there were many anyway. This doesn't sound bad by Emmerich standards though, it sounds like what we should really expect from him.
SO YOU'RE SAYING IT ISN'T A VERY SMART ROLAND EMMERICH FILM? by BurgerTime	Mar 4th, 2008 08:31:05 PM
So what else is new?
Funny, after that unintelligibly awful trailer, I figured... by kevred	Mar 4th, 2008 08:59:05 PM
...that it would be precisely this bad. Who is it, exactly, that thinks things like this are good ideas? And how do they get so very much money?
You Know You'll Go SEE this Anyways. by mistergreen	Mar 4th, 2008 09:31:44 PM
Feels a bit like Conan The Barbarian.
In case you needed another reason to hate Roland Emmerich by ironburl	Mar 4th, 2008 09:37:10 PM
He supports Hillary: http://tinyurl.com/37xd2u
Great review. by KillDozer	Mar 4th, 2008 09:37:38 PM
Please let this be the film that end Emmerich's career.
I'm throwing in another vote for IN BRUGES by Bass Bastardson	Mar 4th, 2008 09:45:26 PM
As best movie of the year so far. Honestly, 9 months from now it may wind up being my favorite film of the year. I have seen it several times and it just gets better and better. It is dark and very funny and dramatic and layered as well. I really feel like the studio dropped the ball on "In Bruges" by dumping it in February. It should have had a much bigger audience than it has been getting. And where has the AICN love been? I haven't seen a single article on this awesome movie.
Wait a minute.. by nolan bautista	Mar 4th, 2008 10:15:14 PM
..Greedo spoke in sub-titles..do you mean to tell me that Han Solo was literally speaking English?..
Best ID4 thing ever is by messi	Mar 4th, 2008 11:07:51 PM
I'm not one for pointing out plot holes or whatever because then i should just watch the news for reality but the idea that a Mac book connects with an alien computer system but doesn't interface with anything else on earth is pretty funny.
Bass Bastardson by BadMrWonka	Mar 4th, 2008 11:42:45 PM
there have been at least 4 posts about the film, with reviews...how often do you visit AICN?
Why does Hollywood think their audience is retarded? by Buckys_Kick_Ass_Arm	Mar 4th, 2008 11:45:10 PM
Where the Wild Things Are by Spike Jonze sounds amazing... will it be released? No. Audiences are just too retarded to "get" it. Someone needs to slap someone upside the head and let them know that audiences are not puddles of organic, farting goo made to think that a clearly CGI sabretooth cat is kick-ass enough to shit out 12 dollars to watch people fake interact with it.
MAYBE DONALD RUMSFELD WROTE THAT INTRODUCTORY NARRATION by BringingSexyBack	Mar 5th, 2008 12:43:55 AM
Sounds suspiciously similar to his Known Unknowns theorum. I don't recall reading any of your previous reviews, Latauro, but that was the epitome of a great AICN review. Like Vern, but condensed. Great stuff. I just wanna glimpse of Camilla Belle in cavegirl gear. That is all.
Great dialogue "Dude like a mammoth! Like run y'all!!!" by Orionsangels	Mar 5th, 2008 01:04:12 AM

No surprise here by Atomic Swirl	Mar 5th, 2008 01:04:19 AM
I knew that this movie was going to suck when I saw the rating. A movie about the year 10,000 BC that's rated PG-13?! Give me a fucking break!
It was fun watching Apocolypto bomb at the by skywalkerfamily	Mar 5th, 2008 02:05:00 AM
box office. It looked shitty.
Microsoft AutoScript screenplay? by Motoko Kusanagi	Mar 5th, 2008 04:03:15 AM
Lol! :-)
10,000BCINO!!! by uVa	Mar 5th, 2008 04:50:19 AM
It was waiting to be said... by the way that review was great - relishing in the crapness, while still actually making a clear point.
Opening Bit by Bad LT	Mar 5th, 2008 07:02:49 AM
Reminds me of Ed Wood "The future concerns all of us, because that is where we will spend the rest of our lives. And remember, future events such as they will affect you, in the future."
Apocolypto wasn't shitty skywalker... by just pillow talk	Mar 5th, 2008 07:08:26 AM
Nothing earth shattering, but it was a good action/nick of time movie.
APOCALYPTO ... BOMBED? by BringingSexyBack	Mar 5th, 2008 07:31:20 AM
Did you see its numbers? Not only did it do well, it did fantastic for a movie spoken in an ancient language. Besides that, though, great movie.
what's with the Apocolypto hate? by Kloipy	Mar 5th, 2008 07:55:43 AM
that movie was fucking fantastic!
This movie will RULE by Sithdan	Mar 5th, 2008 08:03:47 AM
Nuff said.
Dont knock 10000BC by theycallmemrglass	Mar 5th, 2008 08:22:27 AM
Shit films like this result in the most hilarious scathing reviews! So without having the torment of watching this crap, I am still grateful for it to influence reviewers to make us laugh with lines such as "Emmerich was really commenting on our society with the film's central message: black people and white people can come together to kill Arabs. Seriously, I'm welling up with its inherent beauty"
bullshit by emaraldguardian2007	Mar 5th, 2008 09:02:04 AM
those giant birds died out like 13000 years ago,and they did not live with wooly mammoth. in 10000 bc, they did not use sail boats either. its insulting that he threw a bunch of prehistory in a blender and gave this to us! and just where the hell does it take place? it has pyramids, sailboats, sabretooth tigers, giant birds from australi, and your 9 bucks!
The Dark Knight Trailer Attached? by Admiral Nelson	Mar 5th, 2008 09:19:34 AM
There's a rumor that a new TDK trailer is going to be attached to this film, which is 90+ percent of why I'd see it (apart from the CG -- I'm a 3D graphics artist.) Anyone else heard this?
yeah TDK trailer featuring Harvey Dent is supposed to appear by Buckys_Kick_Ass_Arm	Mar 5th, 2008 09:29:33 AM
But that will be on the net almost just as soon.
Encino! by ironic_name	Mar 5th, 2008 09:50:40 AM

If this movie includes Optimus Prime landing on a mammoth, I'll by GibsonUSA	Mar 5th, 2008 09:55:21 AM
No flames.
...watch. by GibsonUSA	Mar 5th, 2008 09:55:43 AM

I for one would rather see by Nabster	Mar 5th, 2008 10:24:09 AM
Roland Emmerich devolve into making even worse films, I just find it more interesting to see a laughable failure from the likes of him. A movie like the Patriot does not fit him well, I he is not suited to trying high brow films.
Pathfinder by AlwaysThere	Mar 5th, 2008 11:12:34 AM
That's a great movie to watch and laugh at how stupid it is.
AlwaysThere by just pillow talk	Mar 5th, 2008 11:14:27 AM
True, but it's missing that certain cheesiness like say, Beastmaster, that would put it over the edge.
So how does this compare to Clan of the Cave Bear? by Norm	Mar 5th, 2008 11:36:14 AM
That's what I want to know.
You liked day after tomorrow? by BendersShinyAss	Mar 5th, 2008 11:42:08 AM
even the title is a glimpse into how lunatic assalym this filmmaker is. I did enjoy ID4 first couple times around... but damn that film hasn't aged well... Neither has stargate. The first 20 odd minutes of that film was and still the best opening of any cheap sci-fi film.... but even then he re-released it all re-edited and crappified
TomBodet- I"M SAILING! I'M SAILING!!! by Kloipy	Mar 5th, 2008 01:22:50 PM

BadWonka by Bass Bastardson	Mar 5th, 2008 02:10:18 PM
Almost every day. But maybe I just somehow missed them. I did a search before I posted, just to make sure, and nothing came up... but we all know how useless AICN's search is. Anyway, my point is still valid - usually when a movie starts getting love from this site, there seems to be a new article or review about said movie every single day or years. There was none of that crap for In Bruges, and I thought it was more than deserving of said dead-horse-beating treatment.
FOR years... by Bass Bastardson	Mar 5th, 2008 02:11:53 PM
...not OR years. Damned missing edit button.
Emmerich should go back to Germany and film for Lindenstraße! by Sackratte	Mar 5th, 2008 03:37:08 PM
I've planned on seeing it next week but after this review I will not go. No bucks from me for Roland. Take this Du Schwabenkopf. Oh... have you noticed how original the names of the main characters are? Try to read them backwards and you get exactly the essence of this shit story!!!
Lemons by Cobbio	Mar 5th, 2008 09:39:47 PM
Thanks for the review, Latauro. I wasn't going to see this film anyway, since I'm not a member of the braindead popcorn-happy crowd, but I appreciate the warning. So this film is bad even by Roland Emmerich's low standards? Wow. That's fucking bad. Pathetic is probably a better description. Emmerich's big on sweeping shots and effects, microscopic on story and character. He just is. He's a smiling, slickly dressed used car salesman in cheap shades telling you the lemon looks great so it'll run great too. Problem is, he's lying. Upon closer examination the car sucks. Just like his movies. Braindead is too kind a word to describe his cinematic feces. But I'm sure he knows this. All used car salesmen do. But people keep buying the pretties, hoping the engines will run like new when driven off the lot. But they don't. They break down because they're lemons. People make excuses, telling themselves they really liked the car even though it had "a few problems". I'm sure "10000 BC" will do gangbusters at the box office. People like their pretty lemons.
Re: ccchhhrrriiisssm by Cobbio	Mar 5th, 2008 10:10:06 PM
So you're using this talkback to bash Obama, huh? Nice going. I hope Hilary's whores are nicely sucking your dick. I just want everyone to know: I'm voting for Obama. Fuck the American political machine.
I'll take one for the team. by fullguyatemyshorts	Mar 5th, 2008 11:31:56 PM
well it looks like I'm the only one in the world who has seen this movie so far. So here is what I think. First to everyone criticizing this movie because it is inacurate to caveman history you get a big "fuck you!" from me. Why is it that a medieval fantasy can be excepted and not linked to our earth history, but you can't handle a fantasy world based on prehistory? This is a fantasy movie- that is all it tries to be. I am a huge fan of prehistoric human doco on Discovery channel so I got a huge kick out of how mangled everything is in this mongoloid movie. A tribe of caveman that have permanent homes set up and have to starve until the migration of mammomths return to their door step each year. Now that's so dumb you just have to smile. The baddies look like primtive Arabs- yeah right, what a lazy way to portray evil. Just tap into the current mainstream fear created by the media. The hero is a pussy. He chase after his kidnapped girlfriend for entire movie but does nothing heroic. Stange, pointless random stuff happens to him and everyone interupt it as heroic or some weird shit prophecy. Lame. Camilla Belle is a fox in this movie. She is wasted as the damsel in distress. How hard is it? Why does the hero have to be the man to save the helpless woman Why not have Camille Bell as the hero complete with skimpy fur bikini and have her smash bash her way across a prheistoric wild lands to rescue her pussy boyfriend. Plus yet again Emmerich has made another movie that while watching it, feels like another movie you have already seen. Isn't that how can you tell when a movie is made by a hack? But to finish up, fuck me this movie is stupid but by crikey it is a lot of fun to watch. I enjoyed it And the way you're all howling and moaning about this movie you'd think the decline of Hollywood has only started in the last five years. This movie reminded me of Beast Master that is over twenty years old. That movie was awesome when I was a kid. But have any of you watched it lately? What a god aweful piece of shit. Hollywood pumped out shit movies twenty years ago and still do to this day. Get over it.

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