Also, tme2nsb - not that it has ANYTHING AT ALL TO DO WITH THEIR FILMMAKING ABILITY (which I have NO faith in, but nevermind), apparently you've never read the wonderous stories of Lana Waschowski & Buck Angel & so on, let alone seen the pics ... he (Larry) might not be a full transgender, but it's certainly not an entirely baseless rumor.

And I think this is the 8th time now that we've had a Moriarty article start off with whatever new profanity his child has learned to say - nice household you got there. Any wire hangers around?

I like monkeys.

1) “Long time reader, first time reviewer.” Translation: “I’m really one of you guys, not a corporate shill typing this in a cubicle.”

2) Unnecessarily detailed information about when and where the film was seen, to establish that you actually did see the movie in question. This section can optionally contain ‘anecdotes’ about what you were doing and how you got to the screening. These make your story more credible.

3) “I wasn’t expecting a lot out of this film.” Inevitably leads to 6).

4) “I watched the original movie/cartoon/TV show/comic as a child and liked it, but was never a huge fan.” Translation: “I have enough cred to be able to tell fanboys of this property that it’s a faithful adaptation (which I will), but I also provide reassurance that your girlfriend/kid/brother-in-law/ dog will be able to enjoy this film. Please take them along.”

5) Diss the previous work of the director, screenwriter, etc, if necessary. It’s best to go with the flow of popular opinion in this regard. “Yes, I also hate the Matrix sequels. I’m just like you.” Proceed directly to 6).

6) State how you were surprised at how much you enjoyed the film. See 3).

7) Discuss how the director and writer really captured what the original movie/cartoon/TV show/comic was about, despite the fact that you claim only to have been a casual fan as a child. See 4).

8) Do not embark on a detailed synopsis of the plot. People who know how the movie ends may not want to go see the movie.

9) When mentioning the actors in the film, list two or three good films that each of the actors has been in. All excited fanboys are thoughtful enough to do research on IMDB for the benefit of the audience before sending in their reviews.

10) Mention how the story actually involved you and drew you in (and your child/girlfriend/dog), how certain characters and relationships were well-drawn, etc.

11) As counterpoint to this, make sure you state that there is plenty of action in the movie. Proceed directly to 12).

12) Pay specific attention to one or two particular sequences in the film, and wax lyrical about the pacing and impact of said scene, even with unfinished FX. If it seems appropriate, mention that fanboys in the audience were cheering.

13) If there has been vocal fan outrage over a certain element in the movie, be sure to address it in some way. Either state how that element plays little to no part in the movie, or describe how the audience actually loved it at the screening you attended.

14) Compare the movie to a currently popular movie, or state that the director or actors are back at the top of their game. Mention past glories of said director and actors. See 5).

15a) Do not say anything negative about the movie until the third-last paragraph of your review – and even then, find a way to spin it into a positive.

15b) Start this paragraph with the words, “Is the movie perfect? No.” This is mandatory.

16) Do not criticise anything in the movie that cannot be fixed in post-production. You are free to criticise the pacing of the movie, confusing editing, the special effects and the temp music track.

17) State that you can’t wait to see the finished movie, that it has wide appeal, that it’s guaranteed to be a hit, etc.

18) “If you use this review, call me _______.” Insert semi-lame pseudonym here, and you’re done.

I filled his bottle with some more Mountain Dew and explained to him that Daddy was looking through, well . . . looking through some memories. As I said this a smile came across my face while at the same time Millenium Falcon looked at me with such a sense of loathing and repulsion that I knew in my heart that when he gets older, he'll probably kick the crap out of me.

Well played, sir, well played indeed.

Top effort.

;^) Well done, sir.