The original Raiders trailer featured nothing more than clips of the movie - that's all. And that's really all that one can expect from a trailer, let alone a teaser. And this is not the first time that someone from this site reviewed a trailer and blew it off, only to rave about the picture later.

I'm not saying that you'll love or hate Crystal Skull, but I can't quite get behind the whole 'lacklusterness' of the presented trailer.

Please understand, however, that 9 times out of 10, I respect your work.

I know it's a huge gamble to trust Lucas AGAIN after the prequels. I still have a few doubts myself. But this is looking like a hell of a fun ride guys! The more I see it, the more I'm thinking it's gonna give TDK a run for his money and end up being the second biggest hit of the summer after Nolan's flick.

http://www.star wars.com/episode-i/release/tra iler/teaser.html

May have to take out spaces

Whether the American flag was put in or taken out, the real question is: why is it included in the first place? I mean, WTF? Does Spielberg think he needs to push the patriot button to make Americans see this movie? Why can't the movie stand up on its own two feet? The more they show of this movie, the more it stinks.

I remember the same thing way back with TPM. Despite the exciting trailer, I started to get suspicious about some of the information that was filtering out. I ended up making the call BEFORE TPM's release that (I quote) "this looks like it's going to be a gigantic turkey"). Said it right here on AICN - under a different name. Later, I got to say, 'I told you so' to the apologists. And now history is repeating itself because I'm making the same call right now. Mark my words: Indy and the Crystal Skull is going to be a giant holiday fowl, farmyard variety. You heard it right here.

Besides, your instincts may have led you to rightfully smell the turd back in '99, but some people - believe it or not - loved TPM. And just because it worked nine years ago for a movie directed by Lucas, doesn't mean your crystal ball will work for Spielberg's flick next spring.

Not to mention that the energy you spend trying to make a point out of mere conjectures and opinions (when not pissing at the face of the people who disagree with you) makes me wonder if, back in '99 as well as today, you just didn't made up your mind before even seeing the damn flick...

But then, I don't see the point of quite a lot of things in the trailer. In any case, all the information on this movie (which has been listed by me and others countless times) points to this being a turkey. Not one sensible decision has been made by the producers of this movie so far. So no, I don't think my crystal ball has failed me. Think about it, the odds are stacked heavily in favour of my prediction coming true. After all, it's Lucas! Are you seriously suggesting that the odds are in favour of this movie being good?

No sensible decisions, like bringing Marion back, or casting actors of the quality of Cate Blanchett and Ray Winstone?

Zing!

That being said, I acknowledge the weird choices in this teaser (the hat shot is funkily slowed down, some CGI needs to be fixed, the music is a bit off... not to mention the obsolescence of MPAA's decisions) BUT I'm still expecting good things out of this. Call me naive or anything. I prefer naiveté over being jaded. A question of nature. Or nurture? Your call.

Okay the reality is this trailer did nothing. It accomplished what it set out to do, which is reintroduce the character. It's been 20 years. I suspect the first 2 minute theater run trailer will be different.

It's a gamble bringing Indy back. Is it even possible they can hit a homer? Regardless, they didn't intend to play their hand here.

I'd be interested in reading the Darabount draft after seeing the movie. Just how much if anything is being used. Read interviews recently from when his script was rejected by George. Don't see any dinner invitations coming his way soon to the Ranch. Still, from those who have read the rejected script and have or will see the movie...be interested to know if George wasted the perfect draft or in fact improved the movie.

If Abner is alive, how? Is the Ark back in this thing? Do the Russians want to couple the power of the two? Maybe the new theory is the skulls are the only thing that can harness/control the arc. Maybe Marion never thought Abner was dead. Mayber Abner was abducted and has become an alien nut, this shamed Marion and she said he was dead.

Be nice to see them play up an angle were they ponder if aliens are really "God." That could be fun.

whatever...

Im just pointing out that Mariarty gets more excited about the guy who brought us such hits as:

Cabin Fever

Torture Porn 1

and

Torture Porn 2

than he does for the guys who brought us:

E.T.

Star Wars

Saving Private Ryan

Close Encounters

and

Howard the Duck

Just sayin...

I had no idea that you actually worked in/on film. But that's fantastic news regarding your two diving films. You should definitely give us the word on your progress when you can and let us know how things turn out. You know...like in TB...or that other place. :^)

so from what you know do you think this will be better than what people are speculating here on AICN?

And to have to read Maryarty whine about the trailer (um its a teaser dude) not be cool enough, or "why are the guns painted out? Its ruined for me"

While seeing that mr Douche-bag Roth is starting to rear his ugly head again after the abysmal failure that was Torture Porn 2.

And Maryiarty mouth/keyboard seems to be gushing with Eli-asmic anticipation.

Good luck with the films dude. Im an editor (commercials and music videos) here in NY, and I know what the post process is like. Lotta late hours, alot of swearing, and angry calls from the wife.

the shortsighted swing back into the truck behind!

the natives advancing through the tomb

the clifftop chase

The warehouse full of crates

The same sound effect of stone scraping from Raiders when the idol is removed.

the big frikin Myan or Aztec ruin/maze tomb puzzles!!!

Marion

Pat Roach (I hope that's him!?)

Ray Winston

Cate Blanchet!

How uncool is it to piss on that trailer on this suposed moviegeeks site!? Very fucking UNCOOL! I'm no apologist for bad movies, nor am I a raving Lucas ass kisser! the guy should leave his own classics alone and concentrate his efforts not CGing up his backcatalogue but making new adventures! god knows he's got the talent for tall tales but this looks like everything you could want from a 4th Indy movie and tons more! and the only thing I can see worth Bitching like a little bitchy bitch about is possibly the fact they lowered the guns in the trailer with a little bit of dodgy cut and paste, which I never even noticed, and which won't even be in the film!!! so quit bitchin!!!

For me personally, the trailer did what I think it was supposed to do - get me excited about seeing Indy back in action. I for one will be at the midnight show, if they have one here, with my 13-year-old son. We went out this weekend and got the first three, and we're watching them together.

Obviously I'm not an industry insider or a film student, just someone who likes movies of all types. So, there's my two cents, for what it's worth.

Now I know you Americans are almost Nazi-like when it comes to patriotism...note, I'm not calling yo Nazi's, but in terms of celebrating being American, you are very similar to the Germans during the Nazi regime, with Pledges of Alliegiance, and so much respect for national symbols, like the flag....but surely even you guys must be sick of these slo-mo stars and stripes shots that are appearing more and more in movies these days.

To make things worse, they say things like "The odds are in my favor!" and "You heard it here first!", which is the worst, cheapest, most cowardly and most pathetic form of cynicism on these boards. If they are right, they can claim some sort of perverted glory; if they're wrong, they can just slink away and come back with a new username to avoid derision from their peers.

What fucking saddoes...

Thank you teh internet.

I'm still enthusiastic about this- and all nitpicking isn't bothering me. It's Indiana Jones, for fuck's sake!

Again, he does speak some truth when he says that Spielberg's best days are behind him, but Spielberg at 50% is still significantly better than almost all opposition.

And it's Indiana Jones, how can you not be a bit excited?

This just in: THE MPAA CENSORS STUFF! Film at 11

Someone in your original fantasy-driven talkback already explained this: there is a "General Audiences" trailer and a "PG-13" trailer, and both are being distributed within the United States. The website went ahead and posted the "G" trailer on their website in case, y'know, kids are interested in Indiana Jones - God forbid (or Xenu forbid in this case) that we make Indiana Jones accessible to a whole new generation.

I'm going to be posting this to Eli Roth's underpants in case you're there and not here.

Although I did not like ROTK, I didn't like it for totally different reasons to Ringy.

Because he's crazy. And anyway, I liked the first 2, and he hated them from the moment that jackson was announced as director.

Ringy was right by accident not design.

1)The Phantom Menace had a great trailer and was a horrible let down.

2)Everyone involved peaked ages ago.

3)George Lucas is behind the crystal skull thing and was allegedly behind the dustbinning of the Darabont script.

However, he doesn't take into account the mitigating factors- It's INDIANA JONES and SPielberg past his peak is still pretty fucking good, and Lucas is not on as director or writer.

Munich was 2/3rd's great.

Your whole argument is like asking, "why does the camera move close to Roy Scheider and away from the background when he first sees the shark attack in Jaws? It makes no sense. My eyes dont work like that in real life!!" hey dummy - its a director trying to be, y'know, artistic and stuff. It looks like you want us to choose between your vision of what this movie should be (a movie involving the US Govt without ever showing a US flag in it), or with Mr Spielberg's vision of what this movie should be.

Now to be fair to you, before we decide which of you we are going to support, could you please tell us how many Oscars you have for Best Director and/or Best Picture? Thanks.

It was a semi-improvised piece of genius.

And then, once the end credits roll, as I manage to get up my seat with a big smile on my face, one of the folks I went to the movie with (a big LOTR fan since childhood - complete with self-painted toys on his desk) starts shouting at the screen in the packed theater: "Jackson is an asshole!!! HE DIDN'T GET IT!!!"

The most embarassing movie moment. Ever.

I would use the Dr. Johnson quote I always use in instances like this, but I only used it the other day and don't want to wear it out.

I could only give Ringy a little leeway on KING KONG. While his pre-release hate was unprecedented, I have to laugh at the fact that he saw the movie more than once in the theaters. The irony of him lining PJ's pockets is just too sweet.

Every time you see the light from a screen- just lean forward and zap them with the cattle prod. They won't do it again.

I didn't know he went to see it multiple times. The idiot.

Of course, I still love ROTJ (Ewoks be damned!) so I never went completely to his viewpoint. But one has to wonder if Ringwearer9 (and others) could've been more persuasive in a more formal forum environment.

For a prime example of him being an obsessed dickhead have a look at the Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows TB. He was ridiculous in that, and his arguments were beyond belief.

So, are you mad yet? Busy writing a response telling me to shut up in a whole manner of unsavoury ways? Well I'm going to tell you to calm down before you start. Of course the US isn't like Nazi Germany, you just have some assholes in charge, who luckily you can get rid of (to be replaced by a different asshole...Clinton, Obama, McCain...take your pick).

I was just making the point that there are striking similarities between the Nazi and American ideas of patriotism. And Hollywood plays into that idea of patriotism, and the reverence and devotion Americans have for their national flag. The US certainly isn't the "land of the free," it has its problems, but it's no Nazi Germany, and I never suggested that.

Double scotch, juice of half a lemon, tablespoon of honey and lots of hot water in a mug. Stir it up an drink while hot.

It may or may not work but enough of them and you won't care.

I hated Crusade and that had SEAN CONNERY. They really should've kept SHORT ROUND or cast someone else as Indy's son, and gone with the Darabont script. Then it could've been something to get excited over and not pour excuses for.

Peekaboo!! Sir Charge!!!

AHHHHH ... your money!!!

I remember RW9's arguments, so I see where you're coming from. But at the same time, Talkback forces a sort of style in order to garner attention. Was his talkback arguments "hysterical, unstructure, obsessive bollocks" because of him, or because of Talkback?

And that's your zen thought for the day

Don't encourage the little prick.

I am Sir Charge!!!! Who's gonna pay for this bloody suit?!?!

Darabont is overrated anyway, and to be honest, I'd be more worried if Lucas wasn't involved.

And if it doesn't, who cares?

This is no joke, this is like some elixir. Anyway, pour Coca cola into a pot and put in a generous amount of sliced raw ginger. Bring to a boil then let simmer. Drink it down.

And make sure you sweat it out under warm covers with Mentholatum ointment on your back, shoulders, back of neck and chest.

I AM SIR CHARGE!!!

Peekaboo!

You'll be pissed and sweat like a blind lesbian in a fish shop, but it should cure you.

Sorry.

2) Who the hell designs a robot without an escape sequence for an infinite loop?

This remainds me of the Transformers thread where a japanese girl called P-chan recommended gargling something warm and salty. No thanks.

*goes away muttering darkly about Spiderman 3*

Now, explain to me how I'm similar to a Nazi.

I feel filthy even having to lower myself to such a debate.

Relativist jackass.

It wasn't worshipped by the public like it is by geeks, but it was loved.

If you want a property that is "owned" by geeks- look no further than star trek.

PS: Glad to see Godwin's Law came into play.

Frankly, I blame the EU for a lot of the shit we saw in the PT. But then again, I blame the EU for global warming, so I may not be the best arbiter of that assignation.

klo, did you go home yet? you realize you're just spreading the plague in your office, right? tell the man 'up-yours' and go home to bed!!

But putting aside how the movie turns out: I've watched this trailer a few times now and showed it to some people - and the more I think about it the more surprised I am at how underwhelming it all is. It's all a bit half-hearted, isn't it? It actually looks like one of those amateur fan trailers on youtube. I mean, this is our first glimpse of an iconic hero in over two decades..... Is this the best they can do? By contrast, look at the Phantom Menace teaser (link way above). IT ROCKS! Even though I KNOW how that turkey turned out, I'm STILL excited by the teaser! Look at it! It's amazing! And it's nine years old.

But with the Indy teaser, I'm watching it, thinking: "Oh, Indy's invulnerable now - he can slam into a moving truck no problem," "Oh, they're using a skinny teenage stuntman for Ford this time," "Oh they're making it into a Naked Gun style comedy," "Oh, they should've got Ford to say that line louder and with more emphasis," "Oh, it's like the Brady Bunch this time, with Poppa Jones, Momma Jones, baby Jones and Father-in-law Jones. Now what other re-heated franchise does that remind me of?" etc etc etc

Then I remember that Spielberg and Ford HATED (Lucas' words) the story on which the script is based. They hated it for YEARS. And that in the end they were forced to shoot this script or nothing. I'm betting their hearts just aren't in it any more. And that explains the strange lack of enthusiasm in the footage they've put out. It's like they don't even care about their own movie.

I'm not sure how all of it started but apparently earlier that night a fight broke out between the SW line and the Welcome Home Roscoe Jones line. Needless to say one of the jedi's in line pulled his light saber in self defense and it was all over after that. The manager came out yelling at US and told us to leave. Of course we stayed so I guess he called the police. I really can't say to much more at this point, but I'm suprised you didn't see anything about it on TV. I know the news media was there.

hey xi me dear, how's tricks cowboy?

And DocPazuzu...read my posts again, notice the sarcasm? Notice where I said I wasn't implying that America was like Nazi Germany? Or where I predicted that you'd overreact?

Seriously, there's no conflict here, I just said there are similarities between the views on patriotism. Not that they're the same. And the ultimate point isn't whether the styles are similar, it's about what you do with that patriotism, and therein lies the difference.

And Merriman...just out of curiosity...you're not known as "Educator" on another site, are you?

merriman, i want to respect you because your handle indicates a love of one of my favorite books of all time, but it really seems like you're now arguing a point just because you don't want to concede any alternative possibilites.

Ha ha! Well, can I borrow your fedora, please? Just to wear out and about, you know. But there's no way I'm wasting my time and money on this movie. I'd much rather you see it for me and then tell me how much it sucks. Then you can have your fedora back.

Hmmm. Have you met fellow Talkbackers Ringwearer9 and I am Batman (aka moviemack)? You guys should start a Pre-Hate Guild or something.

What alternative could I possibly concede? This movie is a joke, from first to last. I am so confident that this movie will suck that I am prepared to give a verdict on it WITHOUT EVEN SEEING IT. And I am so certain that I am right that I don't even need to see it at all to find out if I was right or not. The odds are just so heavily in my favour. Do I need to list the reasons again? Do I really need to do that?

Also, it's hardly surprising that there are midichlorians anyway...the originals had already shown that there was a biological connection to the Force by virtue of the fact that Force potential was hereditary.

"The Force is strong in my family. My father has it, I have it and my sister...has it."

The Force has always had a biological connection, not jst in the prequels, so I think people need to get over their hatred of midichlorians, it's a logical premise based on what we know from the originals.

The real question is why NoDiggity hasn't weighed in yet.

MNG is right, you do need to form a PRE-HATE GUILD. You can print up t-shirts and cards. It'll be fun.

Dude, seriously, I wasn't trying to attack you...I do have some problems with US policies in various areas, but I have nothing but respect for the country itself.

Holy smoke, Kloipy, I had no idea you were so annoyed. Of course - of course I'll stop typing right away.

Not post? Are you mad? I will be right here in the middle of the flame war, dukin' it out with the best of 'em. And you KNOW which side I'll be on. Man, I'll be leadin' the charge.

Well, as far as INDY4 goes, the proof will be in the pudding. And if the film turns out to be good/worthwhile (and you actually see it), I expect you to return to these here Talkbacks and eat a rather large serving of CRYSTAL CROW.

If you're going to fall into the trap of Godwin's Law, then you're going to have to be prepared to answer for it.

I say it's 50/50 they'll blow it.

Fine words, Occula, but I must reveal a simple truth to you. I try to remain polite, but deep down I can't help but have a certain amount of contempt for anyone who is going to pay money to see this movie. I know I shouldn't, but that's how things stand. I believe that as human beings we should THINK for ourselves - and not respond to the carrots dangled in front of us like dumb animals. Fact: Lucas sees all of us as little money machines. He pushes our buttons; we spit out money. Fact: the movie will suck. So don't go.

The "similarities" you're referring to could be attributed to virtually dozens of countries but you chose to make the off-handed connection between the U.S. and Nazi Germany for a reason.

We will go see this movie based upon the preceding three movies (which everyone loved/liked to varying degrees) and to what we have just seen in the trailer. Does that mean it will kick ass? No, but we are hoping that we get another quality Indy adventure.

FACT: Xiphos is correct, you do enjoy reading the shit you spew out. FACT: Your opinion is moot like Kloipy said.

You guys want Delgado? We'll just want some beer, doesn't even have to be cold.

JLo - Not a chance, not a CHANCE this will turn out good. Look at the odds. And that trailer - God I actually think this might be even WORSE than I could imagine! And I can imagine it being PRETTY BAD!

Having said that, I caught Rocky Balboa on TV lately and was astonished to find that it was actually pretty good! So just between you and me (don't tell the others) if EVERYONE was shouting that it was GREAT - and I do mean GREAT - I'm talking as good as Raiders Of The Lost Ark - then I would go and see it and crawl back here to eat humble pie. If course I can say this because I'm so absolutely 100% CERTAIN that the movie will be a turkey. I mean, did you see that trailer?

Stupid Mets.

Pillow talk, you illustrate my point nicely. Jeez, forget about the FACTS, blank out the Star Wars PREQUELS, ignore the CRYSTAL SKULLS, but leap up like a little doggy for a mediocre trailer in the hope of capturing some magic that got lost thirty years ago. Please...

Jeez, Occula - I'm not referring to Lucas' "storytelling' (HA!) at all. The trailer is the button-push for these people (see Pillow Talk)

You're right about the Lucas backash - I think that after this movie is released, he should seriously think about watching his back. Like many have been saying, there's only so much of this shit people can take. I think he's in danger of coming to a nasty end.

Mr. Jlo, if that's the only reason, I'd be very surprised. A flag isn't just a Geograpical marker. Any film-maker knows it's a powerful symbol - especially when it's shown full-frame like that. Ordinarily, Spielberg knows exactly what he's doing and expertly chooses each shot (unless, as I believe in this case, he just doesn't care). And if it's so important to indicate WHERE in the world this base is, why has it been taken out of the European trailer. I mean, the trailer definitely doesn't NEED the flag - it can survive perfectly well without it. No, my feeling is that it is there to push the patriot button and lure Americans into the theatres. And the reason they've done this is because they've got NOTHING ELSE to offer in the movie itself and need to pull the wool over the eyes of the domestic audience.

The internet community tends to be very vocal about their hatred, while the millions who liked it, are content to just watch them.

I've already purchased a 'Merriman looks like a total douche" t-shirt form cafepress, so this will make it become real.

anyway its not like he could get my ip addres,.could he?

All the indications on this movie, even from the mouth of Lucas himself, are that, are that...it WILL ROCK! Oh give the guy a chance - the movie might turn out okay....

Aaaaaaagh! It's happened - you've got to me, Laserbrain. I've been turned. I'm one of you now!

skywalkerfamily, so Lucas didn't have much to do with the movie? Well, how about him being the reason production was blocked for years because he was so taken by the idea of the midichlorians - I mean, the crystal skulls. Do I really have to re-tell the production history of this movie.....again? It's exhausting. Perhaps you guys are right to give in. All right then: Hail Lucas!

That being said I can relate to Merriman's point of view on this too. I understand the concept of taking my buisness else where. That's how I am with other aspects of my life. Thats the way I deal with buisness in my life. If I'm unhappy with the qualitly or the service I no longer spend my money with that buisness. Maybe he's a little harsh but he's passionate about it I understand that.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=VDv XaUH6NNo&feature=related

Agree that ROTS was a worthy additon to the SW series (TPM and AOTC, not so much). In fact, it redeemed the prequel trilogy, IMO. I realize ROTS is not without flaws, though:

Showing on screen what was in Anakin's mind during his "nightmare" was a break from established form for the series- it is a visual, non-linear flash-forward and had no precedent in any of the other films.

Clunky dialogue, and some poor direction (e.g. Obi Wan: "Did I miss SOMETHING?!" should have been phrased, "Did I MISS something."

And I really could have done without the "NOOOOOoooooo....." bit, of course.

But I can overlook all of that.

Jar Jar's screen time

All things considered ROTS rocked pretty hard, IMHO-

I can see where Lucas wanted to draw things to a BIG CONFRONTATION for the finale of ANH, but come on.

Still, I did get from that scene that Obi might be at least partly plastered when he sees Anakin in the suit. He stumbles into a table or something. Maybe just from shock, though, I suppose.

Maybe more than the berg himself? The mind ponders!

Secondly, just because a lot of people saw TPM does not mean that they liked it. This is part of the fallacy of using BO to justify the quality of something.

For example, I saw TPM twice. Once because I wanted to and then because I had to take some young relatives. I fucking hated it both times, but my £17 went into the Box Office total.

That useless fucking shitrag Empire has viciously slandered us. Some cunt called Chris Hewitt has written:

"Directors The Brothers Strause – Colin and Greg – apparently got the gig, their first, because they’re such huge Alien and Predator fanboys. AVP:R would indicate that they’re fanboys of the Ain't It Cool talkback variety, guileless goons crowbarring in lame references (the hero is called Dallas; someone actually says ‘Get to the chopper!’) while emphasising splatter and swearing over the suspenseful slow burn."For the full review go to http://tinyurl.com/2gg66d but I'd rather you didn't give the cunts the hits.

If anyone remembers the recent AvP:R wars and the slaughtering we gave the foilage that turned out for it then please air your displeasure at the useless no-quality-control cockmonkeys via email.

In fact, fuck it, anybody who thinks this is wrong- do it, let them know. But be certain to check the AICN history of AvP:R from Mori's initial slaughter of the script to vern's review and our eventual savaging of the plant life.

Lying, dirty cocksuckers.

https://community.hsus.org/cam paign/CA_2008_investigation?qp _source=gaba89

I've had to hack the server to waste time at work today. What a bastard.

I was also kinda surprised how even though the idea was pretty cheesy, the principals were able to carry it off pretty well. Like, they took their roles seriously--but with a wink to the audience that we all know this is on ongoing joke. Some great one liners in there, like at the end of Tremors when MG bemoans the fate of his survival bunker: "A subterranean fortress able to withstand a 20 kiloton blast. Enough food for 1500 days. Water filtration. Air filtration...goddamn UNDERGROUND MONSTERS. Sigh..."

One cool part about Tremors 2 is how they very consciously address the fact that Grady is "the new guy," and it becomes a running gag. Oh, and I want one of those pacman graboids for a pet.

I saw on imdb that Tremors 4 is about the PAST, when the graboids invaded during cowboy times, and Burt's ancestor (played by MG) does his schtick. Is that one worth watching, or should I stop at 3?

I'm not convinced Ace Hunter would know what to do with the Graboids, other than fly his cycle over them and blow thumb-kisses on them. If he got killed, I'm sure he'd look great dying, though. Very manly.

The page has nothing but a huge BW photo of MG. Because that's all a website really needs.

BTW Kloipy, the wife readjusted the list and we got Frida and that Piaf biography sent. AT THE SAME TIME. How unfair is that?

Frida, although I did quite like it first time, has no rewatch appeal.

Just to get payback, I'm going to manipulate the list and get Lep: Back 2DaHood and Bride of Reanimator next. followed by Hellraiser 2 and Tremors 3, followed by Pumpkinhead 3 & 4.

That'll learn her.

Both of which were on the list before I took them off.

See you all, I'm off to the pub.

Spread the word and get Empire properly bitch slapped for their impertinance.

That's some clever thinking.

Holy shit, where'd they get this MG signed-photo of Burt? I must have one for my desk, like yesterday.

http://tinyurl.com/27bwkj

However, I am by far more computer literate than them (including IT), so I just access another terminal on the network as someone with admin priveleges.

The problem is that it slows the whole thing down and is a right royal pain in the arse.

Whereas she can look at what she likes. It is most unfair.

Is it true that Warwick played a Shrieker in Tremors 2? I'm pretty sure he also played the cement mixer.

"You need to take your pants off!"

Yes, Mr. Bacon. Truer words were never spoken. Except maybe by Gummer and Bassett. But after them, truth clings more tightly to none.

I had no idea Mr. Micheal Gross was French thats fantastic!!

Yeah, Reba is Gummer's bitch. I hate country music, but studying her ass in the film, I could find nothing wrong with it. Maybe because the brilliance of Gross, Ward, and The Bacon was enough for everybody. And who is that actress who played the geologist? I need her to ride my pony.

"Because we are making an important film, my child." I shall say.

"What film is that?"

"Tremors 5."

A: Michael Gross.

http://tinyurl.com/2neelh

http://tinyurl.com/2lqlba

On another note, Fred Ward's wiki suggests that he was molested by his uncle, and that he uses his acting as therapy. Who would EVER guess at that tragic past? The guy is all MAN! Not only is he Remo AND Timerider, but also EARL. You can't be more man than that, without also being Burt Gummer.

Oh, and the movie will be fun.

I don't know what that has to do with anything execpt it was not nearly as serious as it is today.

Even if only to brag about it,

We have a BEAR thread. How cool!

Pity I've only got stupid Frida and La Vie en Rose to wade through first

Not to mention the poisoned apple, and a water barrel.

He was busy that week

it still hurts to this day.

Abom, your search is like National Treasure 3 or something. It's that important.

If buying a Pack Attack results in Burt or MG receiving oral pleasure, I will order a dozen and just keep them on hand for gifts. Because nothing says "You're special, and I care about you" like the gift of graboid entertainment.

We've clearly learnt from all our weeks of studying True-fu. And are wise in the ways of Burt.

Awesome.

*Burt and 2for2true shake their heads in disdain at pillow...*

Which will piss his new bride off the least?

"Because you're Burt," Jack says.

Or when the three of them are hiding in the port-o-toilet and Jodi tells Burt "YOU DO NOT HAVE A GUN. JUST DEAL WITH IT." If she wasn't so cute, I might've taken issue with her speaking that way to my new king.

It's pondering questions like this that give meaning to my life.

But burt kills Graboids with a fucking arsenal of heavy weaponry.

There is just so much to admire about a father figure who is prepared for the worst at all times, had met certain death repeatedly and blown it off, and has known the splendor of Reba's sweet auburn thicket.

They're both such heroes.

Burt is so manly that by the time Tremors 3 ends, he SPOILER lets "El Blanco" live just to keep from being bored. That's like saying, "The devil is my bitch."

This question must be answered. I personally think that the awesomeness of this battle would put out the sun.

come on hollywood, we're full of great ideas, hire us!

It's a fucking gold idea- set in victorian london and Jack The Ripper= Intergalactic Drug Dealer.

These are all great ideas.

They should be putting their money into a fucking charity for traumatised victims of their "comedy".

We're much funnier,

The london episodes made me violent.

can we put the profits in to Dark Angel 2?

We can cast Burt as the victorian pimp that slaps the intergalactic drug dealer around.

and give us your money.

Now.

REPENT SINNERS

to chiansaw your own hand off every day for perpetuity, only for it to regrow every night

To scrub the tobacco stains off the wall of Prophet Burt's survival bunker using a brick.

The holy one speaketh, and ordered the disciples to spread the twin messages of ultimate manliness in the form of pencil stabbing and TB sabotage.

The Disciples toiled hard, and were observed by the twin deities Burt and Ash. They looked upon the work of the humble followers and decreed that it was good.

Although the followers were mocked by the TB ignorami, they proclaimed "verily, thou art all shitheels, and when the holy trinity calls you to judgement you shall be cast asunder and consumed by the bates"

And 2true was pleased.

The devil came to them in the form of Paddington and speaketh thus "forsake your beliefs and worship me as your lord and master. In return, I shall furnish you with berries to eat and as many Lindsay Lohan clones as you may wish to bang"

But the prophet abom was not fooled "get thee to fuck, satan, we know that you are a pussy bear, and lohan looks like a 900 year old crack whore."

The disciples administered many a flaming leg kick to the head of satan. 2true, Ash and Burt looked on, and were mightily pleased.

He conferred with 2true and Burt and they decided to allow the loyal flock the ultimate artifacts. And o, the cherub warwick descended from heaven and furnished the loyal disciples with the holy pack attack and the sacred crock of gore.

And it was good.

Pencils and chainsaws will be required companions on the journey to salvation for infidels, and their path to self-preservation will be "lead" by the devout.

This has, will, and shall always be the way of our lords 2for2true, Ash, and the Burt.

In the name of the FLAMING LEG KICK, Bear maulings, and the power of the Warwick, amen.

Thou shall learnt the necessary phrases to entice the female sex with:

Give me some sugar baby

That's just what we call pillow talk baby

First you want to kill me, then you want to kiss me. Blow.

Thou shalt repeat those phrases on a daily basis.

Thou shalt wow the fairer sex with random pencil stabbings to show her the size of your pencil.

This as all be foretold.

"Verily my loyal servant, thou art truly hungover to thine back teeth. Hail to the king"

And jarv replied in his misery "Lord I am not fit to spread the gospel of manliness, please forgive your lowly servant"

And Burt spake unto him "Pull your shit together, it's a Guiness hangover. You've had them before"

The humble jarv felt comforted by their words of wisdom and swore to redouble his efforts.

They took turns pile driving her, and eventually she conceived the holy child that is yet to be born. It will be born when the seas turn to blood, and the sky turns to a strange shade of magenta. When this sacred time shall arise, the holy child shall be born, and he shall possess the power of ultimate manliness and seek vengeance against all shitheels and those that disavow the way of the pencil.

As it has been forseen so shall it happen.

45 minutes later I found myself sleeping on my friends couch across town.

But the disciples had nothing but scorn for this abomination, and they cursed it.

The forces of darkness retreated to try again.

Grow a better moustache.

I should have known something was up when the video clerk started to giggle

And JLo, you must smite that shitheel unbeliever for mocking the holy film. Smite him with a pencil in the mouth.

Giggling is the very antithesis of the church of manliness.

Stride across the world unseen?

and was the holy moustache of burt

clipped to keep it nice and clean?

And did Ash's chainsaw hand,

Smite all deadites everywhere?

And was the survival bunker,

Stocked up with ammo, food and shit to wear?

Bring me my pencil of burning gold,

Bring me my chainsaw of fire

Bring me my chain fed machine gun

and upon graboids open fire

I shall not cease from violent fight

nor shall my #2 pencil sleep in my hand

Till we have purged all shitheels

From every single fucking land

Or he faces damantion and eternal torment in the Belly of

Or he faces damantion and eternal torment in the Belly of THE BATES

http://tinyurl.com/348kbd

Verily work sucketh like a dyson.

But well worth it.

This TB started three days ago. It was supposed to be about Indy, but most of it is Tremors-related. Sorry, Mori! You can be an honorary priest in the Church of Chang.

Can Ace Hunter be far behind?

our father's Burt, Ash and 2true be thine names....

CGI creates realistic-looking Oscar for Michael Bay

you are well within your rights to say "I just came to chew some bubblegum and kick some ass, and I'm all out of bubblegum" and then ay waste to the meeting with full automatic weaponry

It will be our salvation.

I'm surprised that there was any use at all for anything from Saw.

I wonder if Reba knows that the afterlife of all humanity and the fate of all creation rests in her womb.

And she knows Burt well.

A dreadful film.

This has really got to me.

Shitheels are not fit to witness the glory of Evil Dead, or the magnificence of Tremors.

They can all fuck off.

He kicks some alien ass in that film.

Oh, I forgot to mention I visited Reba's site (reba.com) and I couldn't find an email address to tell her she holds salvation in her vagina, so she better trim up down there.

I wonder who first said it, because those fucking monkeys that wrote saw did not have a single original idea.

Then the armageddon starts

Except we wouldn't have, because we wouldn't have done this. The internet didn't exist then.