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JUMPER FIRST!
by skywalkerfamily
Feb 15th, 2008
02:09:09 AM
Wow, a less then stellar review. Too bad Apatow didn't direct it. You guys would be making love to it.
I jumped
by AtaxianTheMagnificent
Feb 15th, 2008
02:09:24 AM
TO FIRST!
No surprises here
by CuervoJones
Feb 15th, 2008
02:09:42 AM
The movie looks bad.
Le Lame
by AtaxianTheMagnificent
Feb 15th, 2008
02:09:43 AM
Le Sigh
@leobloom
by AtaxianTheMagnificent
Feb 15th, 2008
02:10:47 AM
Nightcrawler ftw.
Anywhere else is possible
by Canada's King
Feb 15th, 2008
02:13:04 AM
Is this the end of Hayden Christensen?
Sorry to say this but....
by Kefrif
Feb 15th, 2008
02:16:05 AM
Haydn Christenson (or however the hell you spell the gentleman's name) is a weak actor. Like a cardboard cutout. Can't hold a film together on his own and only did it with Star Wars because it was, well, Star Wars. Not at all surprised that this film sucks. Not gonna see it.
Have you seen "Awake
by AtaxianTheMagnificent
Feb 15th, 2008
02:16:59 AM
If it sucks SL Jackson has to be in it.
by skywalkerfamily
Feb 15th, 2008
02:28:39 AM
Snakes on a shit.
Again, allow me to reiterate...
by Billy The Fish
Feb 15th, 2008
02:37:18 AM
...who's for a slice of Mr. Liman's turkey? Come on, there's cranberry sauce and everything!
Seriously though...
by Billy The Fish
Feb 15th, 2008
02:39:13 AM

by Billy The Fish
Feb 15th, 2008
02:43:38 AM
...why throw money at a derivative turd like this; spending all that time laying down backstory for characters nobody likes when there was already a ready-made market for 'X-Men Origins: Nightcrawler'? Even the Kitty Pryde storyline could've carried a movie better than this!
It's funny how even the trailer
by D o o d
Feb 15th, 2008
03:08:02 AM
makes this film look rubbish. I think the day of selling a movie on it's effects is over. As for Hayden, he was rubbish in Star Wars and from what I can see of his acting from the trailer, he's rubbish in this too.
Bourne Identities?
by Mister McClane
Feb 15th, 2008
03:22:19 AM
Liman only did the first one Cap, Greengrass did both sequels. And to add to this, I've seen Jumper and it was crap! There are no explanations for anything in the film. Why do the paladins want to kill the jumpers? They're not doing much harm, yet apparently they need to be razed from the planet. Huh? The 88 minute running time suggested to me there is a much bigger film lying on the cutting room floor. Not to say it would be much better, but it might explain things better.

by Elim Garak
Feb 15th, 2008
04:11:56 AM
hayden cannot act
by bacci40
Feb 15th, 2008
04:14:37 AM
breaking glass was a fluke...and i knew from the moment i saw the teaser that this would be shite
Is it just me
by harryjoy44
Feb 15th, 2008
04:18:05 AM
Or does AICN wait until the AVclub post their reveiw before they decide what they they think of anything. Everyone knows this site is bought and paid for but check their reveiws, they won't go really negative until a more respected site does and then they go all out to score points' that said I havn't seen anything but the trailer but like any sesible person wish nothing but ill wiil on hayden Christensen for his past crimes. Shattered Glass worked but Christedsen still brought the show down and I understand that Lucas's dialogue doesn't leave much room but any one casting a film has to relise that the guy can't act and the same people they try to attract to an opening weekend are the same people who think Christensen is whats wrong with the film industry.Vern rocks though.
I aint the worst that youve seen.
by Swollen_balls_low_hung_too
Feb 15th, 2008
04:27:09 AM
Oh cant you see what I mean ? Might as well jump. jump ! Go ahead, jump. Might as well jump. jump ! Go ahead, jump. Nanananananaa WWAhahahahah Might as well jump. jump ! Go ahead, jump. Get it and jump. jump ! Go ahead, jump.
Shitty Review!
by Crabtree
Feb 15th, 2008
05:16:22 AM
For Christ's sake... First of all, the script was CO-WRITTEN by Goyer. That means he was (along with the equally cool Jim "Fight Club" Uhls) RE-WRITTEN by the slimy, no-talent Akiva-disciple HACK known as Simon Kinberg. Gee, I wonder why the film is so poorly written. It's only a mystery to Capone, who's clearly the dumbest guy in the room. (He even thinks Doug Liman directed all 3 Bourne films...)
Humper
by Pipple
Feb 15th, 2008
05:29:27 AM
Anywhere is fuckable
Bacci: I'm beginning to think that Breaking Glass was a fluke to
by Big_Bubbaloola
Feb 15th, 2008
05:32:06 AM
Or was it Shattering Glass?? Meh, either way he sleepwalks thru this. Saw it yesterday and it is bland as all hell! Oooh we're paladins, we need to kill you because only God should have the power ..... and that's our entire motivation! What?!?! Oh and we'll kill all your family as well, coz we feel like it! Now i'm all for films letting you fill in the gaps and making you think, but come on! A little more back story and plot wouldn't hurt. The jumping effects were kinda cool though. But how their gonna make a trilogy outta this is anyones guess, it'll do ok at the BO, but then probably die a quiet death ..... hopefully.
It was OK
by FILMFUNK
Feb 15th, 2008
06:59:17 AM
Way too short for it's own good and faded out just as it was getting interesting by leaving ALL the major characters hanging for the obvious sequels. Haden was nothing special but Jamie Bellend was annoying as hell but seemed to be pleasing the packed teen audience we watched it with whenever he showed up and delivered a smug quip! ANyway, disapointing as FIlms go, Ok for a Saturday movie kind of romp with some interesting ideas but I hope there's an extended cut because the theatrical release made me angry i'd paid so much to see so little!
Told you so last week
by Sex Farm Responds
Feb 15th, 2008
07:13:54 AM
Glad to have got in there first with the douchebag comment :)
I really liked it
by wazza
Feb 15th, 2008
08:04:52 AM
Wasn't expecting much cause of the reviews and i agree it was shallow but nice eye candy.
my review was better than that shit..publish it already..
by couP
Feb 15th, 2008
08:21:44 AM
First thought; the letdown of Spider-man 3 on a smaller scale.

The damn thing started 15 min late and the only trailer shown was Meet the Spartans...I think enough abuse has been hurled towards that on the site. Anyway, I read the other Jumper review from Sex Farm or whatever, and I for one thought the trailer was cool as hell. Unfortunately (as I was somewhat dreading), the movie did not live up to that fkn cool trailer. Very mild spoilers await...

So it starts off with Hayden Christensen's childhood - bad family dynamic, first "jump", mastering the craft, abusing the craft, etc, with no explanation of how it was acquired; just a lucky guy I guess. Then Samuel L. Jackson comes along, working for some organisation that thinks "only God should be everywhere at once" or some rubbish like that, and so they want to kill whoever jumps. He then meets Jumper #2 with a funky english accent who says he's at war with Samuel L. Jackson and Co., and Rachel Bilson is his childhood sweetheart rediscovered who falls into peril. I just summed up the trailer, and basically the movie.

It's all a muddle really, and 90 minutes left them with no time to delve into any REAL reasoning behind why anything in the story was even happening. *****SPOILER*****especially the shit with his mum. such a useless explanation*****END SPOILER*****

The jumping never got old for me, and looked damn cool throughout the movie, especially when coupled with the fight scenes, of which there were a few nifty ones. The clichés really ruined it for me though. The whole "scene at beginning mirrored at the end" BS and the *insert person every 5 minutes with shocked expression after witnessing/being involved in a jump* shit me to no end. Sam Jackson put up a good villainous effort, but all in all, I think it could have been made a lot darker, because the premise is a decent one, but it was a letdown. Probably a good thing I hadn't read the book either, as that would have bumped up the letdown a crapload more.
Total Crap - Blame the REAL Writer
by Annamaria
Feb 15th, 2008
08:25:57 AM
Crabtree essentially said it above, but yes, I most certainly blame SIMON *I DESTROYED X3* KINBERG
ps
by Annamaria
Feb 15th, 2008
08:28:24 AM
I went to the premiere at the Ziegfeld and he was there sucking up all the attention in the lobby, people were worshipping at his feet. As much as I was dying to run up to the guy to bitch him out for X3, I decided I'd rather keep mum as to not put my future career in jeopardy than suck his balls.
diane lane?
by pikagreg
Feb 15th, 2008
08:31:14 AM
love her-cougar
I read Gould's novel a few years ago.
by successor
Feb 15th, 2008
08:49:30 AM

And it was actually pretty good. It explored what it might actually be like to be able to teleport and paid homage to earlier teleportation works such as Alfred Bester's The Stars My Destination. And Davy Rice wasn't a douchebag in the novel. Instead he was portrayed as a scared, abused kid who used his powers to escape from a bad home life and give himself an edge.

From the sound of the description, they added this Paladin concept in and the idea of hunting the teleporters, because I don't remember it from the original book. In any case, I'd recommend checking out the original book and the sequel, Reflex.

Also, how do you do spoiler tags on this board, so you have to highlight text to read it? I was going to post a few spoilers, but I couldn't figure out how to hide the text. Thanks.

this movie would probably
by Dr. Stanley Goodspeed
Feb 15th, 2008
09:20:50 AM
be a little better if they cast sean william scott... at least he can pull the d-bag attitude off without batting an eye. hayden always looks like he has to take a dump. i think i'd rather watch stifler with jumper powers... when i watch this on HBO in a year.
Hayden...The new Troy Donohue
by darthliquidator
Feb 15th, 2008
09:48:41 AM
He's a walking piece of nostalgia ...a throwback to the talent-free wooden contract players who populated Warner Bros.tv shows in the '60's...(Troy Donohue, Ty Hardin, Roger Smith, Ed "Kookie" Byrnes) Question is - how many more big movies will this stiff ruin before he's finally exiled to sci-fi channel movies and direct-to-DVDs?
the Gould novel
by Jonah Echo
Feb 15th, 2008
10:02:37 AM
Yes, the novel of Jumper was very good and though I haven't seen this movie(planned on it, but the reviews have been almost entirely negative everywhere)it doesn't sound very faithful to the book. As successor said, Rice in the novel is actually an interesting character whose past and situation made "jumping" the ideal ability for him, as he was always running away. The Paladins are also not really an aspect of the original novel. Its strange to me when you have good source material, to throw it out and go this direction. Why bother at all? My guess would be if you want your fx fix this weekend, see Spiderwick. Having checked that out already, I can vouch for it and its visuals are pretty cool. My wife and I were planning to go to the theater, so we might check out In Bruges and leave this for dvd.

I liked Hayden in Shatttered Glass...
by blindambition238
Feb 15th, 2008
10:12:47 AM
but even then I know it was mainly a fluke based on the fact that his character was supposed to come off as unconfident, fake, and whiny.
Or it was because Shattered Glass was well written, Blind..
by Jonah Echo
Feb 15th, 2008
10:24:18 AM
I agree that Christensen doesnt seem to be able to elevate a bad script the way others can, but realistically I think one of the real problems is he just hasn't picked good scripts. It seems like the script for Jumper is vague and poorly characterized, with Rice being a "douche" long before Hayden got to it. Life as A House was pathetic with a ludicrous character that few could have done much with. Star Wars, well, great actors have done much with Lucas' dialogue, and Christensen isn't a great actor but he seemed to get a decent bit of it right in the final film, only faltering when the script got downright absurd-If you aren't with me, you are my enemy!' Get a new agent Hayden and try to find a role that will force you out of the comfort zone. Don't look for another discontent petulant youth with a dysfuntional childhood. Move on. That horse is dead and beaten.
Worst Screen Couple EVER
by splendido007
Feb 15th, 2008
10:57:49 AM
God knows why FOX wanted to replace the original actors with those two turds, Christensen and Bilson. I watched it. Painful. Hard to know who was the worst of them. I think, on balance, that dubious accolade goes to Rachel Bilson. She was just DREADFUL. The critics were kind to her by mostly not even mentioning she was in the film!! Those that did referred to her performance as "vapid", "bland", "wooden". PLEASE BILSON GO BACK TO WHAT YOU KNOW BEST CW TELEVISION AWAITS.
Wow!!! No "jumped the shark" references?
by StovetopStuffin'
Feb 15th, 2008
11:11:53 AM
I would have thought that one would have popped up here by now.
Jumper v PredAlien 2: Electric Boogaloo
by MrPetrov
Feb 15th, 2008
12:11:04 PM
You know you want to see it!
Pretty sure the "writer" read Necroscope.
by Sith Angel
Feb 15th, 2008
12:16:17 PM
Anyone who knows the saga of Harry Keough from Brian Lumley's Necroscope series knows what I'm talking about. I'm almost certain the "writer" of the book read the series and "borrowed" Lumley's ideas...just like Dean Devlin robbed him with Stargate. Read Necroscope: The Source, and you tell me where Devlin got his ideas.
Capone
by BadMrWonka
Feb 15th, 2008
12:22:23 PM
thanks for the review, I was on the fence about this one, and this convinced me to wait for DVD probably...

but brother, you have to remember that just because a movie is bad, does not mean you don't need a spoiler box around the review if you give away a huge plot point from the end (hell, you even gave away the actress doing the cameo!)

you could at least give us a heads up in the text, you know? that always irks me a little bit. even bad movies don't deserve to get spoiled.

Smackfu says Capone's headline doesn't make sense
by smackfu
Feb 15th, 2008
12:40:49 PM
Kurt Wagner
by Buffalo500
Feb 15th, 2008
01:09:45 PM
is the Kurt Wagner mentioned in the heading the guy from Lambchop, and if it is then why is he mentioned in relation to teleporting?
What the fuck is with the title???
by Kid Idioteque
Feb 15th, 2008
01:11:03 PM
I read it like 5 times and now I have a fucking headache. Dammit. I still might see this because I hate myself.
Thanks for ruining this for me Capone
by Hoots Mon
Feb 15th, 2008
01:22:13 PM
I thought this was all knitwear, or even kangaroos. Fucking teleportation power? For fuck's sake...
Buffalo500:Kurt Wagner is Nightcrawler
by Sith Angel
Feb 15th, 2008
01:38:59 PM
from the X-Men comics and movies.
It's really not a bad film
by TheLastCleric
Feb 15th, 2008
01:48:58 PM
Had they taken the time to flesh out the characters and expand the running time it could have been a great film. As it stands it's an average movie with some plotholes, some very underdeveloped characters and motivations, and some solid action scenes. I didn't hate it and personally lamented that it could have have been much more. It really does feel like a novel that was heavily stripped of some critical components.
So they're basically mini Star Trek transporters
by skywalkerfamily
Feb 15th, 2008
01:59:25 PM
okay.
Steve Gould's novel kicks ass
by DKT
Feb 15th, 2008
02:00:38 PM
Actually, there are no Paladdins or even Griffin in his novel Jumper. It sounds like quite a bit's been changed, which I guess was obvious from watching the previews, but I still hoped it would be fun. Hrm. Too bad, becaue Gould's a really nice guy. I was hoping this would work out.
Stephen King liked it!
by skywalkerfamily
Feb 15th, 2008
02:51:18 PM
His name is on the poster!
Capone's the douche, this movie was good
by Drath
Feb 15th, 2008
06:01:27 PM
It's not great, it feels like a pilot to a TV show more than a movie because so much is left hanging--but it kept me interested and left me wanting more. Jamie Bell stole every scene he was in. The critics are so full of shit they're almost orgasmic as they unload on this movie and it's rediculous. I assume they've been waiting to trash Liman for making the awful Mr and Mrs Smith after all owning with the Bourne Identity, but I think sometimes critics just like to be bitches. Capone being an exception of course, he's just angry for other reasons I'm sure.
We can add this to the list
by haggardatbest
Feb 15th, 2008
08:25:19 PM
of movies I will never see. Right now "You Don't Mess with the Zohan" is at the top.
Just saw it..and it was pretty badass!!
by jojo-pimp
Feb 15th, 2008
09:50:25 PM
Plot holes....of course...but all in all...great special effects...good action scenes, some good humour. I'll buy it when it comes out on DVD..and i definately hope they do a sequel.
It's not a bad movie
by JacksParasites
Feb 15th, 2008
10:41:18 PM
I was a little disappointed with it, but not much. Now I missed the beginning, everything before the title "Jumper" appears (couldn't have amounted to more than 5 minutes) but the movie was short...really short. Ten minutes before the end, the climactic battle begins and I thought my internet bootleg cut off the last chunk of the movie. It didn't. The climax was about 7-8 minutes followed by 2-3 minutes of resolution. Also, while the "temporary" defeat of the villain was kinda cool, it's A. the very first solution anybody would have thought of (Well actually the 2nd. The 1st would be Hiro's solution to Adam in Heroes), B. the solution is spoiled in the trailers of the movie, and C. the solution is not nearly satisfying as the end of the final battle should be. But also, Capone misses the point. The character is supposed to be completely self-involved, indifferent to those in trouble who could use his help, refusing the call to adventure, and an utter asshole at the start of the journey. If he started as a hero, there'd be no journey and the movie would be 5 minutes long. Most screenplays are about a character's reaction to a major conflict or life-changing event. In most action and thriller films the hero is reactive - the villain is the character who starts the story rolling. The antagonist creates the situation that the protagonist must deal with. In this film, David is just going about his business doing what anyone his age with that power and who's lived his whole life without much parental supervision would do, live a life of total excess without any job or challenges or friends or relationships where he's too lazy to even walk to the refrigerator to get something to drink; he just jumps to the fridge, grabs what he wants and jumps back to his seat. The point is he's without any care in the world. He doesn't even hesitate for a moment to consider rescuing people in trouble who he easily could rescue. He's a passive character who just becomes a reactive character at first when the Paladins interrupt his life of excess. But ultimately, after going on the journey and meeting some douche with the same powers who's even more closed off to the world than himself, even more selfish and more careless than himself, along with David just being pushed too far, David acts instead of reacting and chooses to risk his own life by confronting the Paladins to save Milli. By the end of the movie, has David become Spiderman, living the life of a superhero every day? No. But he's saved some lives when he didn't have to; I'd call that heroic. And he did at one point suggest to Griffin that they form a superhero team, which shows that its' on his mind. He's on the path to becoming a superhero but he's not there yet. And there are still fanatical villains out there who are willing to harm anyone who gets in the way of their faith-based agenda--that's never a good thing. So while I wish the stakes were raised significantly in this movie to where David could have saved the world or at least thousands or millions of lives in some bigger Paladin scheme, I definitely get a sense that that bigger story will be forthcoming. The only thing that disappoints me about the movie is that the stakes weren't high enough, the film was too short, and as a result, the climactic battle was too short.
great concept... bad storytelling
by DarthBakpao
Feb 16th, 2008
12:13:07 AM
and it proves that Hayden Christensen can't act... even worst than Keanu Reeves
The Novel's actually very good
by Lobanhaki
Feb 16th, 2008
01:50:27 AM
Trouble is, people seem to have this need to shoehorn melodrama and overly elaborate effects into everything.
I really like it
by abovo
Feb 16th, 2008
05:14:49 AM
I read several bad reviews but went anyway. If Cloverfield taught me one thing, it was that you can trust all the reviews, because it sucked. Anyway, I hope they make a Jumper sequel.
I really liked it
by abovo
Feb 16th, 2008
05:16:28 AM
I read several bad reviews but went anyway. If Cloverfield taught me one thing, it was that you CAN'T trust all the reviews, because it sucked. Anyway, I hope they make a Jumper sequel.
SCHNARFF!!!
by idrinkyourmilkshake
Feb 16th, 2008
03:03:00 PM
I saw the movie last night with friends-and after reading this reivew and another disparaging review-i thought the move would tank...HOWEVER, ir didn't, it seriously rocked.Mianly, I saw it cuz Liman directed it (and i find Swingers, GO and Bourne Identity GREAT movies)...and well...the film was better than i thought it'd be.It's non-stop in terms of pace and action, and the special effects ARE very cool.Id def. see a sequel...and i must admit Im dissa[pointed in Capone's review-and if you want to be entertained...go see it.
i predict....
by idrinkyourmilkshake
Feb 16th, 2008
03:13:39 PM
it has 22-30 million dollar opening weekend.it deserves MORE...but it's getting alot of bad reviews.And of you watch it, going inot it ,thinknig it WILL be a trilogy-the stuff they leave out...doesnt matter.It leaves room to FULLY explain the paladins in part 2 and such.
Steven Gould's novel is GOOD!
by Sackratte
Feb 16th, 2008
03:49:26 PM
I'm a huge fan of the original novel. The book is really good because the novel tells the story of David, a boy who discovers he can teleport. And the best part: NO other jumpers and NO paladins! So this movie has nothing to do with the original story. Everyone who don't like the movie should read the novel so he can see what a great story didn't make it to the big screen. Shame on Hollywood!
the writers don't even read their own TB's anymore?
by BadMrWonka
Feb 16th, 2008
04:08:36 PM
and the spoiler box just seems to be a random occurrence...
Saw it, it's crap
by reflecto
Feb 16th, 2008
05:04:03 PM
Absolute crap. And who the hell under 50 is named "Millie"?
Midichlorians are produced in the Douchebag
by rsswope
Feb 16th, 2008
09:58:37 PM
According to my biology teacher, Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth.
Not so bad
by blahmonkey
Feb 17th, 2008
01:19:46 PM
OK, looks like I am the only one who liked this movie. It might be because I'm gay and Hayden is just such incredible eye candy. But honestly, I would certainly give him a 7/10 for acting. I don't know what people expect, Robert DeNiro or something? I found Jamie Bell's character much more annoying, and that chick. Anyway, surely a whole lot more fun than any of Hayden's star wars films?
Jumper, the new Highlander?
by Zeds Dead Baby
Feb 19th, 2008
03:53:12 PM
I can get into that. Superheroes in plain clothes is accessible to us sloven, un-fashionable folk.
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