give torchwood a chance. its not all bad. and can be sorta fun.

But bad writing, bad scripting, and bad plotting bother me.

The idea that gay+sex+nudity = adult drama bothers me.

Russel Fucking Davies bothers me. HE should grow the fuck up, and stop writing such childish drivel and trying to excuse it by saying it doesn't have to make sense, as it's only for kids.

Captain Jack told Ianto that offices make him horny.

That level of absolute ridiculousness in the writing is what kills TORCHWOOD dead. Yes, it's all very pretty, saturated colours and that HD witchcraft and loads of swishy camera and dramatic music...

But it makes no fucking sense!

How many people did Jack crack onto in that episode? He's jealous because uber-slut Gwen has decided, in the time Jack went to the end of the world and got killed again by Sam Tyler, that she's reformed and will no longer fuck everything that moves. So Jack's upset, 'cos that includes him. Ianto's giving Jack the cold shoulder for walking away when Tennant's ride came calling at the end of season 1. So Jack's upset, 'cos Ianto won't fuck him. Then Jack gets upset 'cos Captain Spike may reveal too much about his past.

WHO GIVES A FUCK?!?!?

TORCHWOOD is an above top secret agency charged with saving the Earth regularly from alien invasion. They supposedly don't even answer to the government, and they are made up of the very best in their chosen fields. So why are they only fucking interested in sex every week? Any hole's a goal! It's all "waaah Ianto won't fuck me and Gwen's only going to fuck Rhys from now on and frankly no-one will fuck Owen because he looks like the Crazy Frog and that frigid bitch Tosh won't fuck me waaaaaah I AM CAPTAIN JACK THE WALKING COCK MAN AND WHY WON'T MY TEAM FUCK ME?!?!? WAAAHAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

If you want to know how an agency that saves the world from alien intervention REALLY should be, dust off your X-FILES boxsets and watch them again. In the X-FILES, if a UFO crashes and you're unlucky enough to be at the crash site, you'll get your ass riddled with lead and handed to you by the Blue Beret Retreival Team, who kill first and then don't ask any questions. If you turn up at the scene of a UFO crash in TORCHWOOD... all you have to worry about is which TW member gets to you first. Especially if it's Captain Jack. Especially if there's a dark corner.

It's all so sad, because SLEEPER - the 2nd episode of season 2 - I actually almost enjoyed. Till I noticed the resemblances of certain shots to certain movies. Alien dragging himself along the ground by one arm? THE TERMINATOR. Same alien laughing as he activates a bomb attached to him? PREDATOR. Blades that slide out of forearms? BARAKA from MORTAL KOMBAT. The entire concept of how a person who thinks they're human can possibly NOT know that they are an enemy sleeper agent undercover, waiting to be activated to destroy humanity? Well, hell, that's all three seasons of the new BATTLESTAR GALACTICA. Which did it waaaaaaaaaaay better.

Why was SLEEPER one of the best TW eps so far? Less snogging, fucking, and/or embarrassing teen sex life angst from a bunch of 20/30somethings who really should know better. Scientists are NOT, on the whole, obsessed with sex. The kind of people who would be dealing with alien contact and such are NOT the kind of people you see on Channel 4's SKINS. TORCHWOOD has no fucking clue what it's meant to be, and THAT'S what's saddest: all this money, talent and effort thrown at it, and it's still the British equivalent of a gay BUCK ROGERS crossed with SCOOBY DOO. Fucking wasted.

I agree with some of you guys above: if you want to see the best of DOCTOR WHO's universe, watch the HUMAN NATURE / FAMILY OF BLOOD and BLINK episodes, then move along and watch THE SARAH JANE ADVENTURES. Well plotted, well written, excellently acted and with decent production values - and no-one's obsessed with sticking bits of themselves into anyone else / any aliens / anything with a hole or protuberance. It's almost refreshing to see an RTD production that isn't totally obsessed with fucking, and it works.

TORCHWOOD could still work this season. But I doubt it.

So, This past week Torchwood Series 2 Episode 2 entitled "Sleeper" aired on the BBC and was pretty damn good.

SPOILERS AHEAD: The episode is used as an allegory for terrorism as the team discovers a sleeper unit living in Cardiff with plans to invade earth. This discovery comes when a woman and her boyfriend are robbed and in the course of the burglary the robbers are killed and critically injured. The woman comes out without a scratch and can't remember what happened. The team investigates and discovers her secret. During interrogation of the woman we see how far Jack is willing to go and how different he is from some of the other members of their team, in particular Gwen. While in their attempt to break through the false memories of the woman they inadvertently activate the cell but leave her "off the network". The woman gains control of the technology that is implanted in her and helps the team stop the cell from completing their mission. Which by the way is to nuke the crap out of the UK using their own nuclear warheads. In the end the woman can't live with the fact that she's not entirely human except for her memories and takes Gwen hostage forcing the team to kill her while she's still "human". The episode is good, better than all the reality garbage on TV today, but not as good as that first episode. I like learning about Capt. Jack and adding James Marsters as Capt. John is a fantastic way to explore that. Especially since he'll be back later in the season. That's right... James Marsters will be back on Torchwood later this season.

Of course even if I had submitted this review to AICN apparently I'm American so what I think of this show doesn't really mean as much as it would if I were a Briton.

...and for that I say BULLSHIT!!

By the way, I'm enjoying Torchwood a little bit more this time around. Not enough to actually watch it when it's on but enough to torrent it when I remember.

:)

Hey, I know the people who don't like seeing men kissing each other will flee from this (but strangely, they never complain about Gwen kissing the girl in the first episode. I guess to homophobes, guy on guy is verboten, but girl on girl is still sexy.) -- but I like the show. I'm glad to see a show that treats the characters' sexuality like any other show, but without the heterosexual boundaries. Seriously-- the level of romance and sexuality is THE SAME as any other show. It's just that they don't stick to their own gender. If that's what bugs you about Torchwood (or you consider it "bad writing" to have a team of bisexuals... believe me, bisexuals tend to gravitate toward each other) then move on. Find something else. Stop complaining because a "gay" show is on television and go watch something in which manly men down pints of lager and slap each other on the back whilst making lurid gestures at women. Whatever it takes to maintain your oh-so-fragile masculine veneer.

For the rest of us, Torchwood stands as a show that's better than approximately 97% of the CRAP that's on American television. I'm a yank, but I'd sooner watch Torchwood and Doctor Who than bother with lame, boring shit like 30 Rock or the American version of The Office, which substitutes 'awkward' for "funny'.

It's alright guys. There's always great mediocre, cliche, purely hetero American scifi like Bionic Woman, Stargate Atlantis, and whatever drek SciFi channel happens to whip up this week. You'll be OK.

I just hope Starbuck doesn't realize she's a dyke... You might lose it if she goes 100% butch.

Gwen is still a fucking useless idiot now engaged to her fucking useless idiot boyfriend, Rhys.

Owen and Tosh attempt to start romantic chemistry and fail miserably.

James Marsters' character Captain John Hart is already more interesting to watch than all of the Torchwood team combined.

Still no explanation of why Captain Jack disappeared as the TARDIS engines sounded INSIDE the Hub in "End of Days" last season while he was also shown running OUTSIDE to jump on the outside of the TARDIS in "Utopia" in DOCTOR WHO Series 3.

Still no explanation why a supposedly covert agency has little blue Knight Rider lights on each side of their black SUV's windshield.

Mr. Finch (Anthony Head) from DOCTOR WHO's "School Reunion" episode needs to appear in an episode with Marster's Captain John Hart. I'm just sayin'...

Whatever it is, Captain Jack is returning for DOCTOR WHO Series Four so at least we'll get to see the likeable Jack one more time...