I am sure Salerno is too busy reading in awe his Wiki entry to bother with this, but I am guessing there is no reason why some unrelated in any sense, newly registered talkbacker will come here to defend it...

That sounds like an interesting movie. Had the film been from that Predator's POV, I would actually want to see it.

Now i have a big ego...i admit that. I think, like most talkbackers, that i know better than the guys who make these movies. This comes from my treatments for Fantastic Four, Dragonball and Transformers (as well as Justice league, Superman and a few others) that i had written over the years...people who read them thought they were great...in fact i was going to submit my Dragonball treatment to Fox before the movie was announced.

So I have a big ego...and as such i fully expect to be slaughtered in this talkback...go ahead, I brought it on myself.

But to me, all of these movies are quite simple...what i mean is, i see these films a certain way, like this is how they should be done and for the most part people tend to agree with me.

But what gets to me is that i know i'm going to be a poorly paid screenwriter working on small independant films for years to come...i do it because i love movies, not for money...but these guys, these writers who get paid the big money to write these scripts...it pisses me off because I'm left to wonder what makes them so much better than me?

I'm a smalltime screenwriter who will never be noticed by Hollywood...but these guys are win with the execs, they get the big jobs, supposedly because they're talented...so if a nobody like me can see these projects and understand how they should be done, heck if the majority of talkbackers can see how these films should be done, then why can't these big-name writers who get paid for it?

What is the difference between me (or you) and them? Why do they gt to make these films while many talented writers are out in the wilderness?

When i think of Alien vs Predator, i think...ok we already know who they are and what they are, so there's not really going to be any tension or suspense there so whats the point in trying...sure add a few scares here and there...but what this type of movie needs is a location like a spaceship or the predator homeworld...an alien environment. You could add humans, but the focus should be on the title characters...and from there, have them beat the shit out of each other.

Personally, I think a movie about Predators defending their homeworld against Aliens would rock...if you want to add humans, set it in the future and have a military detachment be sent there to investigate...or something...maybe the humans brought the aliens to the predator homeworld, that works...and you would have some characters who speak english...no humans means no english-speaking Predators thank you very much.

It's simple and it works...I get it, you guys get it...so why can't the people who make these things. I would give anything to have that writers job, but its never going to happen, so i'm stuck in a talkback venting my feelings because i'm so fucking frustrated at the lack of braincells among hollywood blockbuster writers.

Fox, Warners...somebody...give me a fucking job.

Anyways, thats my pointless rant...I await your backlash.

I'm not a huge fan of the Alien or Predator franchises...I enjoyed the movies, but they were never my favourites...but I am capable of seeing the potential there in a combined movie. Transformers had so much potential, fantastic Four had so much potential. even Dragonball, which would be very hard to faithfully adapt into a good film has potential. It just makes me sad and frustrated that Hollywood writers either can't see it, or just ignore it. These are the films i dreamed of making...I'm sure the same goes for a lot of people here. And to see them handled so badly...it's frustrating. because yeah, I do think i could do better...maybe that's arrogance, for which i apologise...but when you see the crap that Hollywood is churning out...maybe all of us could do better.

The Predators become the humans, they become the main characters but they dont speak english...they speak in their own subtitled language. It works if you make it a straight up action movie. Not sure about the budget, it would cost quite a bit...but it is possible.

You don't need humans to create a plot..the plot can be created by the situation, Aliens arrive and threaten Predator civilisation, the predators gear up for war, wanting to wipe the Aliens out...commence shit-kicking.

The hook is simple...Aliens vs Predators on a massive scale...actually, you could maybe do it as a cgi movie, but if we're talking live action, I think it's possible.

I would only have humans in it if it was set in the future, after the events of the alien films and had nothing to do with the current AvP story.

If I was to do it that way, then the humans would be a small group of marines, who crash land on the Predator homeworld, bringing the aliens with them. Then the focus of the film would be about the marines basically trying to get off the planet while the predators and aliens wage war.

But again, I'd love to do a strictly non-human movie if it was possible. Though there are ways to include humans if need be without changing the overall story too much.

Hopefully your legendary summoning powers are in effect. I can almost see you now, Arnie style, covered in mud, raising a torch and screaming AAUUUURRRGGHHH!!! in order to flush the fuckers out. Let's hope Salerno will show up again in one of his "clever" identities to defend himself.

And his weapon of choice: a six-shooter. Maybe I need to watch it again since I saw it several years ago, or maybe I need to watch it and pretend the first one never existed, but given that its a sequel, thats pretty hard to do. The concept of Predators in the big city had promise, but they needed to have a viable nemesis.

Vern's review was a little more subdued than normal, but still enjoyable. His reviews and the Talkbacks are the reason I keep coming back here...

Go watch Aliens and Predator again. They are classic genre movies that set the bar high for anyone that followed. So while nobody realistically expected this sequel to be any good, there is nothing wrong with wanting a movie that lives up to the originals, and expressing disappointment when once again they fail to deliver.

Vern is on the mark (great review, BTW). It's not that no one wants to see the humans, it's that we want to see humans who matter, who are memorable. Great Characters!! Please!!

Since the producers seem loathe to use the really quite good AvP comics story, here's my kick-ass AvP movie. If you're an up-and-coming screenwriter, go ahead and run with it. I make no claims.

The military corporate blowhards from the Alien movies finally have what they've always wanted - a weaponized Alien, the very thing Ripley died to keep them from getting. These aliens came from a decimated terraforming colony that had been seeded with facehugger eggs as a coming-of-age/right-of-passage for a second species of Predatory Alien. The predators had routinely hunted mankind down through the years, so there is a good deal of ill-will set up. There is even some belief that the original Alien infestation on LV-426 was from a failed seeding mission for these Predators. So as payback and as a test, the mil/corp brass try to seed a colony of predators (or a remote area of the predator homeworld) with the human-weaponized aliens. A Space Marine recon team is sent down to evaluate the results. Hijinks ensue. This way we actually use continuity from the movies, we develop some human foils, both heroes and villains, we get the possibility of Predator-Alien hybrids, we potentially get some space combat between humans and predators, and it lays out the groundwork for a whole epic future war.

My two cents. Feedback?

That's why Independence Day is still somewhat enjoyable - it involved a number of storylines, from a single alcoholic father to the President leading troops into battle. Compare that with the shit that is AVP-R and Transformers. No comparison.

My cock doesn't win this one but puts up a good fight. Devon Aoki didn't know what hit her. In the eye.

Movie business has to be taken away from the Hollyweird pedophiles.

I mean, there must be some sort of assumption that video games have no story and that they only sell because we like hitting buttons to make pixels move on the screen.

In reality, I've played a lot of games that had better stories and scripts than a LOT of movies out there. A lot of those games sell well because they have great stories to begin with.. if Hollywood weren't so damn determined to screw with those storylines then maybe we'd see a good adaptation for a change.

She could go ninja on my ass any time she wanted.

Never start a post with "c'mon guys" or "no srsly dudes".

Also, never say:

"Just be grateful they're even making a movie with aliens and predators in it".

As long as you shameless, subhuman PR cyborgs keep shambling into AICN talkback at the behest of your soulless, blood-sucking, ghoulish whoremasters at Fox, we'll be sentrybotting your chlorophyllic asses to a fine green mist.

Paris Hilton: "Who are you calling a bitch?"

Predator: "(You! You skank ho!)"

Predator and Paris Hilton hit each other with their high heels before Predator skins Paris Hilton and audience cheers.

And thanks to Hollywood for lying to me all this time.

Like a fucking idiot, I went to see it on Christmas. The first half hour of it seemed all right. But by the bone-crushingly retarded ending, I realized I'd watched a turd of scarily huge proportions and felt raped by the Strausses.

Seriously, I almost threw up from the incompetence parading as onscreen fun. I can't BELIEVE this film got made. Both franchises, once so iconic, badass, and frightening, have been reduced to steaming piles of shit.

Thanks Shane Salerno and the Strauss Brothers. I'll NEVER watch another movie that any of you are associated with. You suck, plain and simple. You make me fucking gag. Fuck off and die.

I also think you seriously overstate the NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET comparison. Yes, AvP-R plays like a slasher movie (when you're not actually following the Predator), but it's a hell of a lot more competent than a NoES sequal. C'mmon, man. That's just cold.

I prefer to keep the aliens in the dark. That's were they belong. Seeing everything (A4) leads to pumpkin head alien hybrids. The less I saw of the predalien, the better. The less I saw of the aliens, the better (for different reasons, obviously - although your basic complaint that we already know about them is certainly valid). For the record, you don't see them in ALIENS either. Cameron kept their action sequences off camera, in the dark, and with quick cuts. I'm not saying AvP-R is as good at it as ALIENS, but I don't think you can blame them for the technique.

but fuck all that shit. Here's why I liked AvP-R: it wasn't AvP. Oh, sure, it was brutal and merciless, and that was great and needed to be done, but check this: the narrative itself is the key. do you remember in AvP where they "learned" about the predator society? or how the girl made fast friends with the pred? I'm not talking about the ridiculous plot (AvPyramids!). I mean the idea that people speak for the predators and aliens because they can't actually speak but you can't have the stars of a movie not "speak." so everything alien and predator gets filtered through (and explained by!) the human "stars" in the movie. WTF? Of all the terrible decisions that went into AvP, that made it the least watchable. Here, you glean what you glean from the preds and aliens by seeing it happen. There's no tedious "learning narrative" from the meat (humans) or (as long as TRANSFORMERS was mentioned) Optimus Prime in order to patch the holes in the narrative.

Hey, it's no great movie. It is what it is, but it's competent, properly brutal, and humans played their part (I don't think it focused too much - or at all - on humans; in fact, I thought it moved pretty quickly through the townspeople stuff). none of this fixes the complaints inherent for a movie that's a sequal to AvPyramids (predalien, predalien instead of queen, aliens on earth, aliens on earth in 2004(!), etc.). And that blue acid...was that a bottomless vial or what? There's plenty of "didn't they think this through at all?" moments. the "climatic" fight wasn't very climactic (predictable, not incompetent but underwhelming).

I said before that AvP-R kicks the shit out of A4 and AvP. Now that doesn't make it even a good movie, I realize. And here's something that won't make it a good movie either: PREDATOR 2 was ridiculous, superfluous camp, and AvP-R is at least as good as PREDATOR 2. Different strengths and weaknesses. Yeah. Sure. I think you need to go back and watch how crap (camp) PREDATOR 2 actually was. I have a feeling the love it's getting is nostalgia talking.

What makes the first couple Alien films and first Predator film work so well is that sense of isolation/claustrophobia--some where out on the fringes of human exploration, we come across something grand and terrible that dehumanizes us. It's a singular experience that can only be watered down by all the sequelizing and mashing up. An utterly ruined by having an Alien bust through the window of a suburban house to kill some teenagers.

Yeah, sure, it would be cool to see Kirk battling TIE fighters and Darth Vader taking on the Borg, but there's a place for that, and it's called fan fiction. AVP should never have existed in any form other than that.

What genius thought that combining an alien with a human would make a creature that was even scarier? That is like adding water to vodka to make it more alcoholic. All it does is water down the power of the alien. It completely betrays the idea in the original of the alien being the 'perfect organism'. Basically, it misses the point. Just because they try lots of weird and random stuff with the characters and creatures in Alien Resurrection, it doesn't mean they should be applauded for it.

Why is he suddenly AWOL in this talkback?

If he had the courage of his convictions he'd be here defending Salerno once more.

I think it's because he truly is Salerno. He fears the power of the Vern and getting punched in the vajayjay.

Christ, how fucking stupid are these bluetoothed Fox replitards anyway?

Last night, the halls of S.A.I. reverberated with the squeaking of a wheelchair as a new guest was brought to this refuge for the very, very nervous.

The enthusiastic grunting, capering and farting of Dave and The Core Guy was more than enough to make the straightjacketed, semi-catatonic form of Shane Salerno spasm in glee. His man-diaper filled comfortingly with burbling jets of warm diarrhetic bliss as he hooted in innocent and childlike love.

Here he was, at last, home.

Oh yeah, that's one movie that has profoundly influenced the entertainment medium for the last 25 years.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

That should be next.

Sincerely,

VadakinX

Look, if you read my posts, you'll find that I also talked about how to implement a human story into an Alien/Predator war script.

I'm not opposed to humans being in an AvP movie, but I do think it would be interesting try a movie without them.

If humans are in it, then the way I see it, make it a survival story...kinda like the second half of Pitch Black, only instead of shadow creatures, you have Aliens and Predators beating the crap out of each other and the humans are stuck in the middle, simply trying to survive. When a predator stops an Alien from eating you head off, he's not doing it to save you, he'd just as soon kill you as well. Predator homeworld, two vicious species trying to destory each other, and a small group of marines trying to get the hell out of there without being killed or implanted. it's simple, it works....at least I think it does.

maybe you guys disagree, and that's fine, and frankly I'd love to see more Alien and Predator movies instead of an AvP-3. But if it has to happen, I'm merely sugesting a possible way to make it not suck.

But Delta City has suddenly become the last human city, founded by John Connor before his death. But OCP managed to get their hands on an infiltration unit and reverse-engineered it to create Robocop, as per Connors instructions and Robocop was set to become the saviour of humanity and destroy Skynet single-handedly. But first he had to clean up Delta City and reunite the fragile human race.

Of course Skynet found out and sent a Terminator to infiltrate Delta City to track down and destroy Robocop and so provide a final victory for the machines...

Just you wait, it will happen...and we will all die a little inside. But the box office takings will encorage more studios to make "vs" movies and we will get Independance Day vs Men In Black where Will Smith has to stop Will Smith from nueralizing everyone.

This will be followed by Scooby Doo vs Catwoman, Hellboy vs Touched By An Angel and of course Hiro Nakamura vs Marty McFly

there's one teenager arc and 4 or 5 adult arcs. the teenagers get what? 10 minutes of play when they should've gotten 5 like the military lady? or are we counting every scene with the younger brother in it as a dawson's creek scene?

the only problem I had "seeing" the action that I felt I should've seen was in the sewer. not the entire scene, just the part where the predalien comes out of (apparently) nowhere and knocks the predator through a wall. that was frustratingly disorienting. I'm with you there. didn't have trouble following the other fight sequences though...not like I did with transformers (which was actually in the light).

the "teen" girl was obviously there for the sex appeal, and the extra time dedicated to the teens was clearly there because whoever had final cut believed his target audience was teenagers (prolly true). can't argue that.

that's a hell of a lot different from putting the entire movie on a NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET sequel level. the reasons for showing the half-naked chick and the kids fighting over her are similar in motivation; it's a stretch to say the whole movie is mining NoES flicks because of it though.

anyway, those are fantasy horror movies that I loathe; they're raison d'etre is horror, to scare. whereas AvP is an R-rated action-horror series that went "soft" (c'mmon pg-13? for aliens OR predators? why don't we just go watch dora and diego rescue the predator cub from and the alien mommy's egg from the big mean waterfall?) iunno. I see the use of teen (and most other stock cliches) that you're pointing to in your TB. I didn't see that in the review, but whatever. I've had my say. until next time someone fucks with my fanboy idols. ;-)

Should be only a matter of time after Death Race is released that Uwe Boll is shockingly signed on to direct the sequel.

Do I detect a hint of desperation?

Like "megpen" and a host of other Fox slaves you too will go missing in the talkbacks not long after AvP:Rectum vanishes from the theaters.

Vern's problem with Blade Runner... not enough 'sploshuns. Alien and Aliens had lotz, weeeeee!

There was even a side storyline about Salerno trying to get a hooker from Lois' Classy Hookers, only they had caller-id and wouldn't answer the phone because none of the girls would go over there, becuase he made them read his Wiki entry while he had a orange in his mouth and a bag over his head and he masturbated furiously. They also wouldn't answer the phone when the caller id said 'McWeeney' because he made them put on a fat suit and a ginger fright wig and he did them from behind while screaming 'Who's ya daddy now bitch'.

I am not making this shit up, this is what I dreamed.

Eventually we got to Salerno in his home office, which was covered with posters of classic movies like Casablanca and Citizen Kane, in which he had taped his name over the actual writers name in the credits at the bottom of the posters.

Anyway frustarted at his inability to get a hooker, he starts googleing himself and ends up at the TB, and that is where I was woken up by the wife... I actually jotted this shit down in a notebook so I wouldn't forget it.

So there you go, I am officially fucked up...

Message for Harry: Check out the latest Star magazine. There are pics of Hayden Panetierre in a bikini. Sweet sweet stuff ...

What makes your dream even funnier is knowing that Salerno is actually reading these boards and gnashing his teeth in impotent rage.

An example is how plants were derided for the longest time for not being able to speak geek. After enough time went by (and enough PR meetings were held) we'd start seeing plant reviews and posts using "hip" expressions that were ever-so-slightly stale and forced.

Same thing with profanity. They were mocked for their PC language and finally started posting stuff with mild, PG-13-style cursing, but never anything sexual or entering Rated R territory.

I find myself shifting between very amused contempt at their stupidity and incompetence, and a profound rage at the notion that they think they can pull shit off like that here.

THIS! IS! TALKBAAAAAAACK!!!!

Tokyo Drift: http://tinyurl.com/3exat5

Doom: http://tinyurl.com/2p7qwy

Let me quote "America is about to fall head-over-heels in love with a bunch of hardened convicts. I not only cared about each and every member of the Mean Machine team, I grew to love, appreciate and root for them all in under an hour and forty five minutes time."

I would also like to present exhibit B "There is such a warmth generated by the team's camaraderie it's absolutely contagious. The casting of each of these roles is dead on. Nelly and ex-football player Michael Irvin concerned me before seeing it. I assumed their lack of acting experience might hurt the movie. Man, was I wrong. They both fill their characters with heart, likability, humor. Megget and Moss are the definition of cool and really fun to watch. In the summer tons of kids playing football will be fighting over who gets to be Megget and who gets to be Moss. Paramount give your entire casting department a bonus this year. They deserve it."

And that is just in the first fucking paragraph...

go chesapeake marauders!

¡ɥɐzznɥ

[s� �ɐp ǝsǝɥʇ ʎ1snoıɹǝs uǝʞɐʇ buıǝq ɹoɟ 1ɐıʇuǝssǝ sı uʍop ǝpısdn buıʇıɹʍ]

hiyabusa!

Little boys and their dads getting chest-bursted...

Pregnant women getting Alien-raped with multiple eggs down their throats IN A MATERNITY WARD...

A whole town being told to go to the town square for an airlift, just so they can be corralled for a nuclear air strike!!!

That's just SO wrong, and I was constantly shaking my head thinking, "That's just WRONG... and BAD... and just NOT RIGHT! So why am I ENJOYING this so MUCH???"

Because it's Aliens vs. Predators and they're doing really nasty, evil things no human should ever have to experience and I was seeing all of the weird, cool things that SHOULD have been in the first film, but were sliced out so they could pump out a "family-friendly" PG-13 AvP film.

Sorry, but "family-friendly" in a AvP movie is when a father and son get butchered on a hunting trip and multiple women are forced to give birth to multiple Alien worms all at once! It's WRONG, it's SICK and it's just what this film needed to be in order to make up for its predecessor.

AvP... All is forgiven. :)

That's right! Zip!

Although a search was really unnecessary based simply on:

1) "I am no big fan of either of the two series, and I really, really liked it."

2) "I really felt for the characters, and wanted to see the guy from Rescue Me et al. survive the whole thing"

3) "to a casual fan, or even just someone looking for a good SciFi matinee - Here's your film."

4) "I just watched AVP for comparison last night, and AVP-R does a fine job besting the former."

5) using the phrase "SciFi romp".

Why, it's dutch75!

You will notice that I didn't go after TheGhostWhoLurks, who happens to be a reg here. His taste may be questionable, but that's another matter.

I'm more interested in the patently phony posters like you "and" Geeker McGhee "and" megpen who just happen to debut in AvP-Rectum talkbacks using the odious, market-researched cockspeak we all know, hate and are offended by.

I mean honestly, how fucking more desperate can you get when you state your stats ("I'm a middle class young guy (kid of the 80's) whose favorite actor is Arnold and favorite film ever is a tie between Predator(1) and Aliens.") in an obvious attempt to alert similar readers to the film and hopefully get more asses in seats?

You're fucking pathetic. I should have your job, you moron, because obviously you're no good at it..

Oops, stepped a bit outside of the boundaries set up at the last meeting, eh? Mustn't open ourselves to litigation, yes?

The boardroom may be PG-13 or you may need an accompanying adult, but this is TalkBack. Until you people understand the ground rules here, you will NEVER make headway with us.

"Do you guys really have 'Plants' on this site, or is this just some sort of paranoid gobbledygook that you spout out whenever you see an opinion that doesn't match the rank and file?"

You really, REALLY need to try harder.

"I bought a ticket to the woorrlld, and now I've come back again.

Why do I find it hard to write the next line?

Oh I want the truth to be SAID...:

Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.

I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate.

All those moments will be lost in time...

like tears in rain.

Time to die."

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As long as chests get bursted, people get skinned and hung from trees, pregnant women get mouthraped (that just feels evil typing it...) and Aliens fight Predators, what's to complain about???

I don't really care... it's your loss, but AvP2 was some of the most fun I had at the theatre in a while! But then, maybe some of you are saving your money for the 73rd Edition Super-deluxe Director's Cut of Blade Runner, with the missing additional 3 seconds of Harrison Ford smelling Darryl Hannah's crotch which was cut from the original.

2) “Oh, no! It wasn't the airplanes. It was Beauty killed the Beast.” (King Kong)

3) “You finally really did it. You maniacs! You blew it up! God damn you! God damn you all to hell!”(Planet of the Apes)

4)“I was cured all right.” (A Clockwork Orange)

5) “You can tell everybody. Listen to me, Hatcher. You’ve got to tell them soylent green is people. We’ve got to stop them somehow.”(Soylent Green)

6) “I used to hate the water.” “I can’t imagine why.” (Jaws)

7) “...and I thought of that old joke, you know, the, this, this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, 'Doc, uh, my brother's crazy, he thinks he's a chicken,' and uh, the doctor says, 'Well why don't you turn him in?' And the guy says, 'I would, but I need the eggs.' Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships. You know, they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd and - but uh, I guess we keep going through it...because...most of us need the eggs.”(Annie Hall)

8) “This is Ripley, last survivor of the Nostromo, signing off.” (Alien)

9) “The horror. The horror.” (Apocalypse Now)

10)“Look up at the stars.” (Brainstorm)

11)“Greetings, programs!” (Tron) 12)“What did he just say?” “He said there's a storm coming in.” “I know.” (The Terminator)

13)“Someday the children of the new sun will meet the children of the old. I think they will be our friends. You can tell your children of the day when everyone looked up and realized that we were only tenants of this world. We have been given a new lease -- and a warning -- from the landlord.” (2010)

14)“Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads.”(BTTF)

15)“There are times since when I’ve felt like a child born of those two fathers. But be that as it may, those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again, to teach others what we know, and to try with what’s left of our lives to find a goodness and meaning to this life.” (Platoon)

16)“They say they're going to repeal Prohibition. What will you do then?”“I think I'll have a drink.”(The Untouchables)

17)“I do wish we could chat longer, but I'm having an old friend for dinner. Bye.”(TSotL)

18) “Great Spirit and the Maker of All Life. A warrior goes to you swift and straight as an arrow shot into the sun. Welcome him and let him take his place at the council fire of my people. He is Uncas, my son. Tell them to be patient and ask Death for speed; for they are all there but one - I, Chingachgook - Last of the Mohicans.”

19)“What took you so long?” “Traffic was a bitch.”(The Player)

20)“You better bury Ned right. You better not cut up nor otherwise harm no whores, or I'll come back and kill every one of you sons of bitches.”(Unforgiven)

21)“I find I am so excited I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.” (Shawshank Redemption)

- Eat Drink Man Woman

- Star Wars

I am so there.

They're trying to put the blame on us. It's not THEIR fault for producing such piles of excrement, it's OURS for daring to expect or hope for something more.

"We're just out to make a cheap, nasty buck and fuck you if you don't like the fact that we took an idea with enormous potential to be both commercially successful and a work of pop cultural substance and turn it into a rancid soup of lowest common denominators."

I would like to be able to say that they fucked up, but the fact is that Fox made EXACTLY the movie they aimed to make. They could have used a decent script. They could have hired a capable director. They could have created three-dimensional characters. What they DID do was completely ignore those things. And why? Because they knew they could get away with it. They knew they could, with the absolute minimum of effort, create a hideous, stupid movie which would bring in the coin.

This kind of cynicism in filmmaking is far more sinister and wicked than anything cheap shlockmeisters like Roger Corman, Fred Olen Ray or Jim Wynorski ever churned out. The latter trio made movies on the cheap and with exploitative sensibilities, but they were honest about it. The criminals behind AvP-Rectum made the worst possible movie they could and still make off with a profit. It's a practice so calculating and heinous that it's sickening. And then they send in their army of assgoons to rally support for the flick online.

"Hey, I'm just a regular guy, 18-30 years old, with a middle income who loves to be entertained by romps and not think too much. I love hot chicks and Nickelback too, and I gotta tell ya - this movie BLEW MY MIND!! I loved it so much that I chestbumped some fat kids in the parking lot afterwards and I'm gonna see it at least three more times! I told all my friends to go see it and they came back and said it was AWESOME! DA BOMMMM!!!! If you don't see this movie, then you're just a hater who doesn't like fun stuff and hates America."

Fuck each and every one of you malevolent, sebaceous cocksuckers who were involved in this cinematic crime.

The fact that we sent them packing back to hell therefore proves that we hit them were it hurts the most.

Heads high, fellow geeks - they failed to breach our lines of defense. It may not be a St. Crispin's Day speech, but like the esteemed 'Cholera's Ghost earlier so aptly said, while quoting King Leonidas in 300, "Your numbers mean nothing in this place!"

The defeat, Fox, can you taste it?

Man, it's like reading a talkback by the balcony grumps on the Muppet Show!

We KNOW people are gonna get facehugged...

We KNOW folks are gonna get sprayed with acid blood and horribly mutilated or killed...

We KNOW guys will be skinned alive and have their spines ripped out...

None of this is SHOCKING two decades plus after we all first saw them. The FUN is waiting to see how and when it's all going to come down and how entertaining the filmmakers can be doing it. Since most of you OBVIOUSLY haven't even seen the film, you don't even know what you're missing and that's a shame. You'd probably actually like it.

With the original films, you could have "deep character development" and "complex emotional motivation" in a 90-minute movie because it was humans vs. Alien/Predator... the main focus was on the humans trying to figure what that thing lurking in the dark was and how to survive, so there was plenty of time to waste on Ripley bonding with small children.

Today, we all KNOW what's out there, and in an AvP movie, I really don't CARE about the dopey humans. I paid money to see Aliens. Versus. Predators. Creatively biting, ripping, slashing & eviscerating one another and any human dumb enough to wander into a dark, wet room.

In a film about two major movie monsters having a beatdown, "deep character development" is pretty low on my list of "must-haves." I just wanna have fun and hope there's enough new twists to be creeped-out watching it... and AvP2 did that in spades! :)

Also, Deckard's skills go beyond the mere shooting of replicants; a lot of time in the movie is dedicated to showing his means/methods of tracking them down (photo analysis, tracking of the snake's scale to it's source, etc.) Maybe those are the skills that give him his "Blade Runner magic".

Actually having SEEN both films in their entirety, I can easily say that AvP2 is not only NOT crap, it's pretty darn GOOD for a film called "Aliens vs. Predator."

The main problem with doing that in Aliens vs. Predator is that — unlike the with the Cylons — you have not one, but TWO cool "villains" that are the star attraction and literally fighting for screentime over 90 minutes. There's simply not enough time to shoehorn in the complex character development for humans waiting to get killed that you obviously want, in addition to having a decent storyline and the necessary visceral alien slugfests that're the whole draw for the film in the first place.

As I said, if the basic set-up is good, the requisite M.O.s of the monsters are followed and they're able to throw some unexpected twists into the mix (that maternity ward scene is a CLASSIC!), then I can live with Pizza Boy wanting to nail the school hottie.

And when the camera then panned to the faces of the row of other pregnant women in the room screaming in horror as they realized they were next, I started laughing out loud in horrified delight.

Aliens raping and impregnating already pregnant women about to give birth through their mouths??? That's pretty sick to even think up, but fit totally in line with the evil ruthlessness of the Aliens. I thought it was GREAT! :)

And, for the record, I liked X-Men 3, as well. A lot less whiney "I've got superpowers, boo-hoo, woe is me!" and a whole lot more shots of Wolverine cutting people up and getting impaled by bone daggers. Although, I must admit, the whole wire-fu routine with EVERY mutant being able to jump 50 ft in the air got old REAL fast.

Still, it was better than the 2nd X-Snorefest, with the exception of Nightcrawler.

Note to producers/directors: If you're going to have basically humanoid monsters, USE REAL ACTORS WEARING PROSTHETICS!!!!

You MIGHT get away with CGI animals ('though they were kinda weak in I Am Legend, as well), but we look at people everyday. Even if they're supposed to be screwed-up human beings/humanoids, even the untrained eye can tell that it's not "real," and it loses 90% of its intensity and threat for audiences.

Every film doesn't have to be the next Blade Runner... especially when it's match-up between classic movie monsters.

the go-go boys!

Despite talkbackers REPEATEDLY stating that it's not just a positive opinion that gives a plant away, but a combination of things such as certain talking points, appeals and use of language, you STILL use the lame "oh, so now I'm a plant for liking the movie" defense.

Here's another tip for you:

That companies and organizations use plants or advertising vampires to set trends and form opinions online is a very, very well-known and undisputed fact of modern, Western, market-driven society. Everybody knows this, so when you try to make plants sound like a myth, you're showing how very little you understand about most people and their perception of things. You think you're smarter and better than we are, which is condescending and erroneous. If anything, you're the idiot here and have absolutely zero credibility.

By the way, I love how you tried to start a discussion about the cost/profit ratio for AvP-Rectum by innocently asking if anyone knew how much the film cost to produce "since it seems to be doing well" at the B.O.

You are a failure.

Like I told the "other" guy, I should have your fucking job because you suck most profoundly at it.

Hear that, Fox? Look me up in the Zone and we'll set something up. Can these losers and get me on board!

You are the "third" talkbacker (along with dutch75 and megpen) to debut in AvP-Rectum talkbacks and use the same combination of plant tells which have been detailed here and elsewhere.

Seriously, go fuck yourself.

Now if you're talking about politics, then I agree, there's quite a few of Hitler's Youth here.

You're terminated, fucker.

Now I am told that by doing so I am showing anger, and anger is pointless, and I should just watch crap and wait passively for them to get better. Firstly I am not angry, trust me I have no problem displaying anger so it is recognizable. Secondly I am not sure what the purpose of AICN is, if the accepted norm is to endure anything and sit quietly awaiting an improvement. Thirdly, your mother with a goat etc.

Also, these "standards" you speak of are entirely fiction. It's all just fads and trends. Back when the classics you mentioned were made, there was more emphasis on telling a good story than on spectacle, nowadays that's reversed. Sooner or later the pendulum will swing back and good stories will be fashionable again. Not that I don't enjoy a good spectacle now and then, but I'm with you, I'd prefer a good story.

If you had said that you loved the movie and argued persuasively the reasons why, your continued presence here would be motivated. However, you're feigning some sort of half-disinterest in the film hoping it will distance you enough from it in our minds so that you can keep arguing its selling points, i e "hey, what were you expecting - ALIEN?"

If you really are so ambivalent about the film, why did you sign up for a TB account just to debut here and tell us just how little you cared about it?

The final nail in your figurative coffin will be when you're never heard from again after the AvP-Rectum talkbacks have faded and perhaps after a few perfunctory posts in other TBs to show that you're really "one of us". You people are so arrogant that even after having this pointed out to you, you will STILL disappear shortly, counting on our memories and attention spans to be negligible.

You've been routed. Give it up and go back to the drawing board.

I'll see you here for AvP 3.

maybe shitty reviews and BO will convince Fox to quit while they're behind.

I have been very harsh on this cinematic abortion since the script took its first fetid breath, but would humbly like to offer my services as a plant.

I have an outstanding AICN pedigree dating back to the great cocococolopez wars, and my resume can be easiy googled. I am also au fait with geek lingo, and experience no difficulty at all when using the word "fuck". Furthermore, I would not be expensive and can guarantee a longer survival time than the current mayfly ike lifespan of your present generation of interns.

I offer these services as I can see that the nepotistic system that has produced your current crop of plants is failing dismally, and the abject performance of foilage such as Dutch, Lord Skyliss, Geeker, Meg, etc has not just been pitiful but embarrasing.

Yours Sincerely,

Jarv.

PS- If you are thinking about bringing the Alien series back to life, then please hire Neil Marshall and throw lots of money at him- he is the only one that can save what should be your gold plated franchise.

The reason you keep getting called for being plants is not the positive opinions you are giving. Basically, you have no understanding of the TB mentality. Talkback is a rabid pit of scum and villany where an impressively informed group of people torture and mangle the English language in what is ostensibly a debate about movies. To successfully dupe the TB participants, you must show the following characteristics:

1)TB pedigree- an ideal plant should have an identity stretching back over a decent time period. New users are treated with suspicion, and are only really accepted once they have visible scarring.

2)Typos, but not obvious ones. I can't stress this enough, people here type fast and proof-reading is a rarity. This results in a high typo level. False typos such as "teh suk" are easy to spot and an obvious sign of photosynthesis. TO make matters worse, you plants frequently display a trained level of language use- complete with corporate wankspeak. This is not acceptable, and only serves to highlight the forced nature of any misspellings, typos etc that you throw in.

3)Use of colloquilisms and geek reference points- chatty english is the norm and acceptable- shit like "dontcha think" is not. Profanity is expected, but either has to be impressively base and obvious ("Go fuck your mother") or creative and amusing- if you fall in the middle, and manage to be base and unamusing you will be spotted: "Well guess what? Wolf motherfucking LIGHTS IT UP in this one. No shit, right?"- base, boring and a clear sign of chlorophyll.

4)False apologies and qualifiers relating to the film should never be used. They are a dismal and disingenous attempt to win sympathy- hence any statement such as "What do you expect, Shakespeare?" is one of the most transparent planty tells.

5) mock indignation at being labelled. Again, this is ineffective. I understand that you are in a bit of an "only the true messiah would deny it" situation, but blase indifference is more convincing than outraged indignation followed by a strident, lengthy tedious justification of your identity.

These are just some of the more obvious pitfalls that you cretinous interns do not seem able to avoid. I humbly suggest that you refrain from posting defences of shite here until you can learn from your mistakes.

On a different note, the purpose of plants is surely to generate a buzz among a sceptical audience, and thereby "sell" the film. I would actually like you to take note of 2 things- firstly, It is never good to insuly your customer, and secondly, in the long term this tactic of stuffing TB with shills creates the atmosphere of suspicion and resentment that wil catastrophically damaage your business. May I suggest lessening the number of plants in the TB- or at least maintaing the pedigree of the flora that survived this one, so that on your next attempt you are not so easily busted, and people just think you are cretinous swallow all film morons, rather than soulless prostitutes accelerating the stupidity of the species.

Thank you for your patience, and please fuck off forever,

Jarv

It was horrible- and worse than I actually thought it could be. I thought the lighting was down to the fact that I had bought a poor quaity rip off, but now I find that it was meant to look like that. Terrible.

Along with everything else in the movie.

Spandau, I know what you're saying but I think the problem with this movie wasn't the gore, but everything else. The Strauss brothers were like, "We're gonna make it violent! It's gonna be Rated R!" and while I think they delivered in the gore department, all the human characters sucked and the script was weak. For me, the strongest five minutes in the movie was when Predator "lands" in a small lake, walks out of the water, checks his bearings, then fights his first aliens in the sewer with that laserweb thing. A new toy is always good. Too bad it didn't amount to much more than a couple seconds of eyecandy.

I've always thought the original Alien was more than just a "haunted house in outer space" or "scary monster on a spaceship." Sure, it had those elements. But the movie had so many groundbreaking firsts, I find it suprising that so many people forget. Not until Alien was a spaceship interior presented as something other than bright, sleek, futuristic. The Nostromo was simply a larger version of the inside of a cab of an 18 wheeler, because that's essentially what the crew were--space truckers. I loved the darkness of it. How the camera slowly panned around at the beginning, prior to the crew being woken, and nothing is said for like the first ten minutes. You see the hallways. The kitchenette. The teletype of the "distress call" flashing off that helmet faceplate. Alien was also vaguely sexual, the whole idea about being impregnated by a facehugger. The undertone was of rape. Ash the android makes this clear when he tries to choke / smother Ripley with a rolled-up magazine. It's a psychotic act by a synthoid borne partially out of the frustration that he himself cannot perform sexually as a human male. And of course, there's the Giger design, based on his own Necronomicon, itself a tribute to all things phallic and vaginal, all sloping tubes, piping, and dark sheaths. And meanwhile you get Ripley, the seemingly put-offish tough warrant officer who seems to have a thing for Dallas. But otherwise, no one and nothing gets under her skin. But will the monster infliltrate her? Make a woman out of her, as opposed to the man-ish bitch she comes across as being?

Long story short, if imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Alien has many admirers. Blade Runner was terrific, but Scott didn't do the dystopia-on-earth thing until a couple years after he did the Freudian Frankenstein in Space thing with Alien.

Aliens: "Get away from her, you bitch!" - Ripley AvP-R: "Are you looking at me...or are you looking at the clock?"

Which quote doesn't belong?

And don't call me stupid again until you learn to answer direct questions, even when put civilly to you.

Christ- you know a film is shit when pirates are giving it away.

But are they up to Leprechaun?

Anyway, good to know JPT and Jarv and Spandau and whatnot are still knocking about. Happy new year, guys.

Frank

Damn, there's Pumpkin head sequels?!? One cannot hope that they exist at the same level as Lep, but do they match up to the silliness of the first Pumpkinhead?

All AICN types who remember the glorious Vern Vs Transformers TB may be interested to know I recently watched Transformers on DVD (as I was instructed to do by Vern). Strange experience. It was a bit like being drunk, in that I couldn't quite see anything clearly, I wasn't entirely sure what was happening, and I was filled with a gnawing feeling that I was making a terrible mistake. Damn you, Michael Bay.

Thanks to Jarv for letting me know of the existence of Pumpkinhead sequels. I cannot, for some reason, resist a cheap horror sequel. And no, nothing can possibly equal the majesty of the Leprechaun series, especially parts 3 and 4. Gods bless Warwick Davies!

P.S. If anyone is bored, e-mail me here: franklin_t_marmoset@yahoo.co.u k. What else am I going to do with my time?

P.P.S. I am not interested in this AvP-R business. Totally on topic (great review, Vern).

And I also rented Transformers not too long ago, and boy, was that suckage. Why oh why did that movie have to be 2 hours long???