And is anyone else bugged with how they're marketing it as "AVP:R" with the "R" being in bright red letters...you know...to let us know that THIS one is rated R. "See geeks, we listened to you: the new one is rated R! Yeah, it's still a shit movie but see? R! It's right there in the fucking title!"

As if the shit with "Dallas Howard" and the 20-something hatebait wasn't bad enough, you have to completely fuck up the last ounce of goodwill you may have had with awful, awful gimmicks like that.

If you think the AvP 2 script review TB was bad, Fox, you are about to have your minds blown and your asses raped before this thing is over.

Can you feel the hate?

Set your fucking AvP movie in the future, on a colony world or on a space station and suddenly all bets are off, and all excitement is on.

You drooling Foxtards can't seem to get this simple equation to work, so FUCK YOU!!!

http://tinyurl.com/34amnv

People always say "why doesn't it take place in space?!?!?" C'mon, guys. We all know how studios, budgets, and box office work. Give it up. This is as good as it gets, until it becomes cheaper to make space movies.

First of all, anyone who says "c'mon guys" or "no, srsly dudes" in AICN talkback is a fucking plant of the 3Fast 3Furious "this film is da boooooomb!" school of retarded plantitude.

Second of all, don't give us that fucking horseshit about "expensive" space movies. Leprechaun 4, Hellraiser 4 and Jason X were fucking space movies. Hell, Jason of fucking Star Command was set in space and I'll bet it makes AvP:R look like shit.

Let's say you and your satanic Fox whoremasters actually scrape together the few crack whore blowjob dollars you need for a couple of establishing space scenes in the first five minutes of a film. All you have to do is shoot the rest of it in Coober Pedy, Australia (Mad Max 2, Pitch Black etc.) for that desert planet vibe.

Too expensive? What, Fox can't pony up the dough to equal or surpass the space/desert planet epic Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn?

Fuck you, you shameless, soulless, bloodsucking slattern.

"They're DVDs of Alien and Predator. Have you never those movies?"

"Fuck no. Why would I want to watch those for? I watched Aliens Versus Predator, and Aliens Versus Predator 2 and they were shit grandpa! Old movies must all be shit."

"No, Alien and Predator were great!"

"I refuse to believe that grandpa. Like I said, I've seen Alien Versus Predator one AND two. Both were fucking awful."

SEE YOU IN HELL STRAUSE BROS!!

The only TEENS fighting Aliens or Predators should be in the Colonial Marine Corps.

Nuke the site from orbit.

Jack Colby, the reason AVP got a greenlight was because Anderson was able to sell Fox into a lower budget idea- Aztec walls that could be rearranged into different sets = less $$$. I don't know about you, but that movie looked cheap. You fail Film Budgeting 101.

Mor- I can't judge the script you read, since I didn't read it myself, and I'm not going to try to convince you it's a good movie. You've got it locked in your head it's going to be bad. I say give it a chance, and relax a bit when you walk in.

As for being a plant. Yeah. Fox actually wanted that review pulled, despite it being mostly positive.

There is nothing inherently expensive about the concept of setting a movie in space...

Roger Corman used to spray paint egg cartons to use as ship bulkheads.

Some planet ,other than Earth, being colonized by humans is attacked by Aliens that have settled on the planet long before. The planet is alien, unlike anything seen before in a film with alien landscapes and whatnot, but it is a planet with humid conditions, which attract Predators, who hunt the Aliens and have also attacked the settlers.

At this point you get the action hero of the moment (The Rock or god knows who else), with the crack team of military acrhtypes: The tough guy, the smart ass, the silent one, the funny guy, the one named Priest or Jericho, the tough chick who has a crush on the hero but always has her guard up, Big Gun guy, or the one who speaks in scripture, martial arts expert, take your pick, it's all pretty much been done. So we get some good character development so we actually get to care about these guys, yes character development people!!!

So anyway, they land on the planet, kill off a few Aliens here and there until one of the team is killed brutally by a Predator. The team, knowing about Predators, as the human race has encountered them numerous times, came prepared with Infra-red equipment as well as them-optic technology so they can play the Predator's game as well, some exposition follows. They take out some more Aliens, and a Predator or two. All of a sudden the conditions on the planet change, like an EMP field or something that disables their equipment so thermoptics don't work for Preds or humans anymore and everyone is fair game. A few more team members are righteously killed before we find out why the equipment doesn't work to up the stakes ( I say we get rid of Priest/Jericho or Smart Ass at this point). We then find out the planet itself is unstable and is gonna blow up like Genesis in Star Trek. FUCK NO!!!

So basically the humans have to find a way off the planet because the EMP field killed all radio contact to the drop ship, so at this point headquarters assumes they all died and call the mission a failure. So our heroes are left with one option, find a ship to get off the planet only, you guessed it, the only working hangar deck with any ships intact is a long trek away and will leave only a bit of time for the team to get off planet before it goes Nova. So we get to see the team travel across alien landscape, are attacked by aliens. The last Predator is wondering what the fuck is going on at this point so he follows the team, making sure not to be seen, so he hides behind rocks and other shit. He doesn't want to kill anymore humans before he finds out what's going on so he actually saves one from near death at one point but manages to get away before being taken out by the humans who are using hard ammo, by the way (Lasers and shit don't work, except the Predator managed to repair his shoulder cannon, cuz it's badass and wouldn't be a Predator without it). So anyway, the team manages to get to the settlement where the ship is waiting, at this point only a few teammembers are left and are low on ammo. All of a sudden when turning a corner, we come across a few survivors. We learn that they found out that The military had settled the planet without really looking at the conditions and just wanted to capitalize on the building contracts and anyone who lived there were screwed. They would have left the planet but they couldn't pilot a ship. Luckily, tough chick has pilot experience.

So anyway they get to the landing bay, but there are aliens guarding the bay, eggs, queen alien, all kinds of bad shit. They devise a plan to get in but Aliens are all over the place. Predator finally figures out their plan and he needs the ship as well so he manages to fuck up the Aliens with his shoulder cannon and his spear and all his other tricks that still work, but he knows that the humans will stand in his way as well. The humans, seeing their opportunity rush to the ship. Predator takes out one of the survivors with his shoulder cannon to say 'Fuck you, you're not going anywhere' to the humans. Realizing that they're trapped between Predator, main hero character hs to go one on one, hand to hand with the Predator. Tough chick gives our hero a good makeout kiss for luck and says something tough chick-like and main hero character goes to fight Predator. The scene is kick ass with human hero and Predator going at it with weapons. This gives an opportunity for tough chick, what's left of the team, and survivors to get aboard and power up the ship. human hero gains the upper hand and mortally wounds Predator. Only now Aliens are starting to crowd into the hangar bay, surrounding it.

Predator does his mini-nuke suicide thing which allows the humans to escape and thus kills off the remaining aliens. Only now, they don't know if they can get far enough away from the planet before it blows up. So we see the countdown to zero, planet blows up real good, the shockwave follows the ships dangerously close but our heroes barely escape, whew!!!

They radio the mothership to pick them up. Once on the ship, main hero character goes to the man in charge of the mission, Rambo style, and proceeds to kick his ass. We then see him join tough chick and they make out, The End.

Plus, Lance Henricksen was in it . . . that instantly helps a LITTLE, doesn't it?

Space Disc Jockey, if I had any incorrect info there, I don't know what it is . . . sorry if there was any . . . could you point out what I got wrong?

“Have you seen the latest stuff by those talking back fellas?”

“Um, no sir.”

“I think our plan to beat them at their own game is working!”

“What do you mean, sir?”

“Well, look at this one guy on our payroll – Gil Brooks. He knows how to talk to those guys! See how he showed that backtalker Dr. Plezaroo a thing or two? Boy howdy he sure exposed him for the tasteless loser he really is! I’m guessing our AvPR movie cost a lot more than this… this…. what was it? Oh yeah, Space Leprechauns. And this doctor guy just walked right into that trap! "You fail Debate 101!" Hahahaha, talk to the hand, Dr. Plooziro! This Gil Brooks guy is dynamite!”

“Er, right sir.”

the "wooden dialogue" is a terrible cheap shot. there IS very little characterization of humans in the movie. the human cast IS loaded with nobodies. and I say THANK GOD!

I loved the fact that this movie was merciless. I've had nightmares about aliens since I first saw them (saw aliens before alien). THIS is the kind of shit I dreamed of. THAT's what these creatures are. The movie moves quickly, and it's brutal. rooting for the humans? wtf? don't you know anything about the movie you're watching? about the mythologies you're supposedly criticizing the movie for not being? GODDAMN, man! HUMANS ARE MEAT in AvP, and that's what we they are here.

look, this movie is FAR from perfect. the very fact that it's a sequel to that ridiculously bad first AvP movie fundamentally precludes the possibility. AvP needs to be set in the distant future and either in space or a colonized fecking planet! setting the damn thing on earth in 2004-8 monkey-wrenches things horribly. and don't even get me started on "bishop" in there to screw with the franchises. Requiem is a VAST improvement - VAST - over AvPyramdis.

aliens, btw, were kept largely in shadows where they largely belong else they look silly. dunno what the fool was complaining about there either. out in the open? look, there's one goddamn scene in ANY kind of daylight, and it's dusk then and they're just facehuggers.

if you liked 30 DAYS OF NIGHT, you'll prolly like this. They're more or less the same. 30 DAYS is slower and wallows back and forth between a survivor movie and a some kind of philosophical "edge of the earth" thing whereas AvP-R is purely survivor, but the basic plot moves are nearly identical. More action and less "hiding" in AvP-R.

oh, there are plenty of unexplained phenomena. I want to know why a Predalien is the product of an alien in a Predator, but other species don't alter the alien physioogy to that extent. does pred reproductive process occur orally? (would give spit or swallow a whole new significance). and what's with that "company" crap at the end and the lady who looks like the original heroine from the first AvP stories? why are the aliens loyal to the predalien? was it just his spawn? (did he kill the other aliens from the facehuggers?). which reminds me, another retarded comment from Toulon: you seriously don't know why Predators have face huggers on their ship? are you that daft? I thought you said something earlier about needing to know where these mythologies come from. Here, let me help you: Predators "breed" aliens so that they can hunt them for sport. That means they need the facehuggers so that they can let them lose in whatever controlled environment/hunting ground they choose.

last thought: this is a Predator movie (emphasis on the singular). It is a Predator movie. with aliens. bash the movie. hate it. but don't say blatantly wrong shit from left field. geez.

blond jock:"We need to get out of here!"

sheriff:""How do you plan on getting out of town without guns?!"

Mrdinky, the problem I had with any of the 'action' parts was that it was done badly and with so little build that it had no impact for me . . . and, as someon mentioned, the Predator looked about 100 lbs too light to be scary/badass at all. Take Aliens, for example: that film is FILLED with action, but if you watch it again, there's tension and buildup for every scene . . . from the life-form radar to Ripley inching her way into the Queen's lair, and of course, Vasquez stopping in the vent . . . it was great! Everything in this was just flat and pointless . . . I just didn't care at all, and THAT made me even MORE angry at the rest of the crap I'd just had to sit through.

The stupidity of Fox is most apparent when one considers the first AvP comic. It was set on a distant colony world in roughly the time of Aliens. There was space, there was futuristic weaponry, there were awesome action setpieces, there was no fucking with Alien/Pred canon, there were likable characters, and to top it all off, it was illustrated by a fucking former STORYBOARD ARTIST!!! The thing was practically served to you on a silver platter, but you just HAD to shoehorn in the good-looking twentysomethings, the mom/daughter thing, and all the other braindead, market researched bullshit you think constitutes a good movie, you creatively bankrupt, soul-raping ghouls from hell.

To paraphrase the late, great BadAssUncleFucka:

"Fuck Foxtards, fuck them up their stupid asses."

“Okay, chief, shoot!”

“I just had a brainstorm, Philbrick!”

“You GO, sir!”

“Get this: instead of the usual Alien Predator scraps on Earth, what if…. we set the next one…. in SPACE! Eh? Eh? Eh? See where I’m going with this? It’s the next logical step! Hellraiser did it and Jason did it, right?”

“Sir, I—“

“Yeah, I know what you’re thinking right now – I’ll bet Cameroon and Stott wish they thought of THAT idea when they were making their alien flicks!”

“Er…”

Oh, I can't wait to see which of the AICN writers puts up a review first. It's going to be open season.

Philbrick. Run for your life...

What, you mean like hoping the movie is actually good and worthy of its franchise precedents?

Thanks for settling for scenes lifted straight from a previous FILM, approximately 8 pages of dialog, and horribly hilarious death. I don't mean to sound harsh but you sound like FOX's target demographic = easily duped.

I can say how disappointed I am in reading this reviews. But who am I kidding? I'm going to see it. And yeah, I'll turn my brain off. I just don't get how or why they crammed so much into 86 minutes, which is a shorter running time than Alvin and the Chipmunks. I can't think of a recent movie that was so short AND terrific. The best movies always take their time.

LOCAL HILLBILLY SOCIOPATH: We're all gone die!

HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL CAPTAIN (to his blonde girlfriend): I won't let them get to you...I promise!!

TOUGH-AS-NAILS MILITARY MOM (to daughter): Yes, baby...I suppose monsters really DO exist.

PORTLY SHERIFF: I reckon we need more guns. (hands shotgun to ex-con) Son, given the present sit-yee-ation, I'm gone trust you'll do right by me.

MILITARY MOM: Guess it's times like this each of finds out who we REALLY are (slips tongue to the ex-con).

HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL CAPTAIN (fatally wounded, dying in sobbing girlfriend's arms on the street): It's...cold...so cold. It's alright though, Cheri...because I got to have YOU....

HYSTERICAL GIRLFRIEND: Oh, Biff! Nooo!!

PORTLY SHERIFF: (allows girl two seconds to grieve). That's all, darlin'. Ain't nothin' can be done for him now. You showed him looove. Now we gots to mind the livin'...(spits tobacco) P-TUI!

These damn kids! They'll listen to anything these days! Growing up, I guess nobody told them they don't HAVE to smile and take it when someone hands them a bag of shit.

Saluki. Yes--those are characters in the movie, based on reviews I've seen.

I'm fed up with Jack Nicholson's fat, bloated head, his overractive senior citizen libido, and his obnoxious hammy performances.

I can't believe John Travolta still has a career. He was handed a good role on a silver platter with Pulp Fiction, but he has consistently made crappy movies since then.

That is all.

But Aliens never really "ate" humans. They either murdered them straight out, or incapacitated them and cocooned them to be hosts for facehuggers. Predators don't eat people, either. Not from what we've seen so far. Though they skin people and rip out skulls and spines for trophies, we have yet to see a Predator eat someone.

Then again, one wonders what Predators do with the skins they've peeled off. We haven't seen any of those lying around.

Why don´t you come and tell us how great this is?

I haven´t seen such asinine drivel spouted by one user since Ringy hung up his keyboard- Fanboys are not what killed this. The cynical money grabbing accountant culture epitomised by Rothman (who is the anti-geek) and people like you are the causes of this utter shite. Since the abortion of a script first reared its coathanger scratched head there has been much wailing and gnashing of teeth. This travesty is just the all too predictable end result.

Also, I totally disagree some of the comments saying that we shouldn't have expected more other than action. Story IS important for a movie like this. I just don't see how that can be debated. Bottom line: Fox knew that this movie was something we wanted, just like they knew we wanted the last one. It's just a shame that they took advantage of us again, knowing we'd buy tickets again. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me.

A3 was a bad movie

yep. bad, bad, bad

good to nap to though

"...wrecked the mythos with the intro of the Queen..."

HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!!!

"Yes, quite easily, Alien 3 was the best of the bunch."

OK. STOP. You're killing me here with your fuzzy AnimalStructure-logic.

Jock . . . Ex-Con . . . they were both blonde pretty-boys whose characters were only as deep as their highlights, so I wouldn't be surprised if you're right on that one . . . no fuckin' way am I gonna check to see, though!

These are fairly trivial points considering the RIDICULOUS amount of suckage this film demonstrates throughout. I went in HOPING for something good . . . I didn't get it. The audience I saw it with definitely laughed at the dialogue, cried 'WTF!?' more than once, and left as quickly as possible.

If you liked it, we'll just have to disagree . . . I think 'Hitman' was cinematic GOLD compared to this (and that's saying A LOT)!

Are you coming on to me, Memories? That's a little forward...even for a humorless asspickle such as yourself.

So, what do you have sitting beside your copy of ARMAGEDDON? BLOODRAYNE perhaps?

I’ve taken a seen from the movie and re-imagined it to illustrate my point above… [spoiler]

Imagine the scene in the home with the little daughter with the NVG’s. Get rid of the Ripley wanna be, returning army vet, and have the sheriff coming home from a LONG day of finding dead bodies, and having NO clue what’s going on. There are rumors flying all around town, and his daughter is scared and having nightmares. She wakes up and is looking out the window and she sees a “monster.” She starts screaming, he and his wife run in the room to see what’s wrong. He tries to convince her that its true people are being hurt, but there is no such thing as monsters, just bad people. Mom goes to the window and shine’s the flash light outside, and BAM, an alien jumps through the window and kills the wife… dad and daughter get the hell out of dodge (because he knows the wife is done for). Make getting out of the house and surviving the attack on the home MUCH more difficult for him, so he really knows the score. Now he is the only one that truly comprehends what the F’ is going on, how bad ass the aliens are and he wants nothing more to save his daughter. He has to do everything in his power to keep some of the town’s people together and moving to stay alive.

[end spoiler]

By focusing the script rather on the full development of a main character rather than using the stand by, cheesy porn/80’s horror flick list of characters that are under developed and overly cliché I think the movie could have been considerably better. I thought the action sequences were fairly strong, the aliens and the predator were very convincing, the predalien’s dreds were a bit over the top, but I know they had to distinguish it from the other aliens enough that people new to the franchise could tell the difference.

All in all, I enjoyed the movie for it’s strength’s and lamented it’s weaknesses. It’s a far cry from Alien or Aliens (or either Predator film), but I thought it was better than AVP and especially better than Alien: Resurrection. And no, I’m not a plant.

In the spirit of the holidays, allow me to give you another bit of info: Salerno hasn't left the talkback. On a hunch, I searched for the upcoming Meg on IMDB. Guess who's "penning" the screenplay?

I'm sure it's all coincidental that a shining new TB handle shows up after Salerno's outed in this TB. Also that the same talkbacker uses plantalicious "gripes" concerning the (allegedly unseen) film in order to seem impartial, and takes SERIOUS issue with the very same talkbacker who outed Salerno so brilliantly. And of course it's all a coincidence that this new talkbacker is called "megpen" and Salerno is penning the screenplay for Meg.

Clearly, there is no case of mine to be made here.

How... odd.

I always like to play the way you mentioned, where I actually AM the player of the game as much as possible. I can still remember the thrill of playing Duke Nukem 3D back in 1996 and hearing bullets ping on the walls behind me as I scrambled for cover. I actually found myself ducking in the chair for a moment. Good times, good times...

I'm going to go wallow in my self pity now.

Bottom line on A3: The story fit logically with A1 and A2. I however find it good to watch when I'm trying to go to sleep.

If not, I'm not sure it's worth my money.

Does anyone refer to the "Hunter's Moon" or say that "the enemy of my enemy is my friend?" Because without those golden nuggets of dialogue, I'm so NOT there.

Speaking of the first AvP, what ever became of "Lexy," the heroine? You see her walk away at the end after the predators take off. Why wouldn't the government grab her and use her as a consultant in the new movie, assuming the government learns of what happened during AvP. You'd think they WOULD know. It's not like a Forbes CEO like Charles Bishop Wayland could just disappear without people knowing.

Another thought just occurred to me. Allowing the human characters some space in these monster movies goes a long way. I'll bet any of my fellow geeks here could name most, if not all, the crew of the Nostromo, and most or all of the crew (grunts and staff) in Aliens. See? But Aliens, AR or AvP? Forget it. Everyone was bantha fodder. Shit, I can even remember characters from Aliens like Wierzbowski, Ferro, and Deitrich, and they had almost no screen time at all. And I still want to have sex with that fine taco known as Vasquez.

If I'm understanding the premise of AvP correctly, are we to accept that Predators would visit the earliest human civilizations, be worshipped, and influence early human architecture and language? And that those early peoples split off into mayans, aztecs, incas, etc? And if the big hunt occurred every hundred years or so, are we to assume that the young predators were successful in 1904? Were there Antarctica hunts in 1804? 1704? If so, who were the human hosts? Because we know those ancient indian people couldn't have still been around in the 1600-1700s, because by then Antarctica was the frozen wasteland it is now.

Do Predators celebrate halloween? What would they dress up as?

See, you're on the edge of your seat.

All the human characters in this movie are one-dimensional. I haven't heard dialogue this bad since, well...Spider-Man 3. But before that, a long time. You got a blond chick who dates assholes, and knows they're assholes, and a pizza delivery guy who has a crush on her, even though he also knows she prefers assholes, and even though she says she'll "fire" the latest asshole so she can get with the pizza guy, who tells the current asshole boyfriend "I guess I know who ordered the sausage lover's." This comes after he delivers fifty bucks worth of pizzas (about six of them) for blondie and three guys on a couch. They musta been hungry. I guess we're supposed to sympathize with the pizza guy for some reason, since he fosters an unrequieted love for this whore, and because her boyfriend beats him up, but it only left me wondering what, is blondie the only girl in town?

Big spoilers here. I thought it was strange that of the four or five people who survive, the two adults are a guy and a girl who just arrived back home after long absences. I guess you could say this town was the town God hated, because it gets leveled. And I don't mean by aliens. Hell, for most of the movie I just didn't get how the town was "infested," because wherever the heroes drove in their little tank-vehicle, there were NO aliens to be found anywhere. And when they do encounter aliens in a sporting goods store, we learn that this batch is remarkably easy to kill. Couple shots from a pistol is all it takes.

There's one main predator, and he cleans up the alien infestation by pouring magical blue potion on dead humans and aliens alike. Only it's never explained why he feels the need to "clean" up the mess. Especially since while he's doing this, he's also skinning people and stringing them up to be found in the woods. Plus, although this batch of aliens seems weak, they DO have numbers on their side, so you wonder why Predator bothers trying to hunt 'em all and douse them with potion, when early on it becomes clear he can't.

Somewhere in all this crap, there's maybe half of a good Predator movie. Predator has a couple new gadgets in this one, a laser web system he uses to establish a perimeter in a sewer, and a lariat. He uses the web thing early on, and it does look cool. But the aliens nearly kill him in the process. The lariat he doesn't use until much later, and when he does, it's very blah. He uses a pair of shurikens, but only once. I read somewhere that he uses a smart-disc like in Predator 2, but I didn't see it.

One of the humans gets hold of Predator's plasma cannon, and somehow manages to get it working to where he's proficient with it. I just couldn't buy that.

Reiko tough-chick has a daughter, whose father is killed in front of her by an alien, and throughout the film there's no emotional response at all. According to Reiko chick-mom, the girl simply "hasn't had an easy day." Um, yeah...

Parts of the movie reminded me of "First Blood." You get an freshly released excon arriving in a small backwoods town, only to be picked up by the sheriff. Later, some night scenes on main street resemble the sequence where Rambo torches the fireworks store.

The final (and brief) showdown between the predator and predalien was anything but climactic. Taking place at night in the rain, and shot with shakey cam, you can't really tell what the hell is going on. But when they each deliver fatal blows to one another, you totally see it coming and you're anything but surprised. Plus, in the dark, the two extraterrestrial combatants look so much alike that you can't tell who is who or who is doing what to the other.

Did I mention that the characters and dialogue suck?

A lot of the close-up alien shots seem recycled from other alien movies. You know the shot we're all familiar with, when some human is about to get jacked in the face, you see a close-up of the alien face, with those cute quivering lips and slimey jaws. You see that a dozen times. We've all read about Predalien's weird habit of impregnating already pregnant human women by pumping little eggs down their throats. This did not appall me, but it was just new enough and out of the ordinary that I thought they could have done without it. I think the Strause brothers must've felt they needed another way to account for how they're getting so many aliens so quickly. But it wasn't necessary. We all know from alien lore that in any new environment, one of the first new aliens introduced will necessarily be a queen.

I could go on and on, and I know this little review has been scattershot. Kind of like the script for this movie. At the end, the first credits you see, in very big letters, is "Directed by the Brothers Strause!" as if they're proud of it. Quit your day jobs, boys. You suck.