You could do some good work if you stopped TRYING so fucking hard. You just end up sounding like a studio plant who was hired to sound hip and EVER-SO-CAREFULLY irreverent.

Mix in some film savvy to go with all of your hyperbole and dick jokes.

BTw I remember Niel's mom reviwed a movie once and speculation was that iwas Sarah Silverman, was it her, or someone else, I belive the review was for Pirates 2 or Spiderman 3 or something

p.s. Great review Neill.

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It makes about as much sense as Neil's reviews.

Wales. No shit.

Eff this crab shit. It's a whale.

Hang on... phone's ringing.

.....

Um, it was your sense of humor calling. It told me to tell you it's over between you and to go fuck yourselves.

Try reading the TB before actually posting.

You don't have to find his shit funny, but at least realize what you are reading... I worry for the next generation of movie lovers, because apparently they are retarded...

Anyway it is late and I need to crash, wonder how many other people will come in and complain that Harry let some idiot review it who didn't give them spoilers... I imagine they are the sort of people who if you changed the channel on the TV when they were out of the room would complain that the history channel show didn't have a laugh track...

My mom thought I was going to be a doctor...

Go, escape, as fast as you can, sleep and dream of a better world where we all have a purpose and pet monkeys are as common and easy to acquire as internet porn. If only. Ah, if only...

At university, my flatmates made up this thing called 'the phantom pussy' when we were stoned. We used to say that it was like a facehugger from Aliens and that it was creeping around the dorm waiting to clamp onto our face. You could really freak someone out by making a squelching sound and whispering 'It's coming to get you!' when they were wasted.

Thanks JJ! Thanks for bringing us THE PHANTOM PUSSY MOVIE! Only bigger!

I don't want it to eat me out.

Don't worry you angst filled crybabies, you will get your "real" reviews soon enough.

It's Neil Cumpston.

This is how his reviews read. Get the fuck over it. And he's not a plant. Ridiculous.

Why so serious?

Holy shit, you idiots are still here, thicker than whale omelettes and more plentiful than ever. Alonzo is right, it doesn't matter if you think Neill is funny or not, but the sheer amount of dopes who don't even understand that the joke's on them is staggering - surely a new record for a Cumpston talkback.

Good God, you people suck.

Will it be you, deathstar73?

True Fact.

1) I'm pushing late 30s now, and I find it hard to identify with kids in their 20s or stories told from their points of view. They just lack credibility to me. Which may be more the fault of writers, who give their young heroes too much of this "Dawsons Creek Abercrombie Fritch" look and pathos.

2) the story (and movie) is supposed to be based on film taken from one of the witnesses' cameras, who was apparently at a going-away party for a friend. Ummm...I don't know about you, but even for Christmas I only use up one mini-DVD worth of stuff. Plus, I'm guessing that the camera person did not bring their power adapter to the party. I mean, who would? My point is, the camera person appears to be getting way too much footage for someone who was probably supplied only to shoot some tape of his friends at a lame-ass poseur party where all the guys have that on-purpose bedhead look and day-worth of razor stubble and a sportcoat from 1979. I hope they're all killed.

Oh and William Landis, thanks for the compliment, I am going to call my mom and tell her, that should make up for me not being a Doctor...

I think the time off has made this review all the more entertaining to read, even though its slight on movie details. The point people are missing is that Neill writes to ENTERTAIN US, not to INFORM US. Accept him for what he is - he is not Vic Tayback. I'm not sure why I even made that reference, but basically what I'm saying to the Cumpston haters is, "HEY DINGY