Ain't It Cool News: The best in movie, TV, DVD, and comic book news.

XiMan says BEOWULF is a effing masterpiece?!?!?!!?

That animation style creeps me out by Garbageman33	Nov 2nd, 2007 06:44:45 PM
Big time.
Plant! by GeekyAnimeNerd79Beyotch	Nov 2nd, 2007 06:45:26 PM
First?
Anyone else just see SW: Episode I news on the site? by Heckles	Nov 2nd, 2007 06:46:01 PM
Or did I just have a stroke?
I've got a headache by Guy Who Got A Headache And Accidentally Saves The World	Nov 2nd, 2007 06:46:03 PM

awesome by Some Dude	Nov 2nd, 2007 06:46:12 PM
Christ god gets slapped!
exhaggerating? by clockpolitiks	Nov 2nd, 2007 06:48:31 PM
Kinda put me off a little bit with the believability of his criticisms...but, I have to say that this movie looks pretty good. I read the story before, and am not sure how they could make that span a 2 hour movie, but whatever. Angelina Jolie is all I needed to hear to get my ass in the theater.
Heckles.. by GeekyAnimeNerd79Beyotch	Nov 2nd, 2007 06:48:36 PM
yes I did, along with LA Confidental.
wow.. this reeks of planty-ness by theredtoad	Nov 2nd, 2007 06:48:56 PM
I'm still going to see the movie though as it does look bad ass.
So.... by Kingdaddy	Nov 2nd, 2007 06:49:10 PM
did you like it or not?
Never had the urge to say this before, but... by BrooseTheScharuk	Nov 2nd, 2007 06:49:37 PM
...plant.
I just cannot take that seriously by IndustryKiller!	Nov 2nd, 2007 06:49:42 PM
Sound like a frat guy talking about how great last nights episode of family guy was. Thanks for the onomatopoeia on the door knocking by the way, really couldn't put a finger on what that would sound like.
You've gotta be kidding me by jimmy_009	Nov 2nd, 2007 06:50:05 PM
This sounds like it was reviewed by a 12 year old. Masterpiece! The final scene alone would have cost $100 million! I just shit my own pants it's so good! Oscars!
Animation by zufflezipperfish	Nov 2nd, 2007 06:50:16 PM
Chorlton and the Wheelies is better aniimation than this spunk bubble of a movie.
THAT REVIEW SUCKED by Halfbreedqueen	Nov 2nd, 2007 06:51:49 PM
i'm looking forward to the movie but MY GOD was that a crappy, shitty, AWFUL review. though to be fair I skipped most of it since it seemed like just a summary for the most part. probably the worst review on this site since Blade II = orgy time.
I take it back by Halfbreedqueen	Nov 2nd, 2007 06:54:21 PM
Actually this was worse than the Blade 2 "review"
In fact... by BrooseTheScharuk	Nov 2nd, 2007 06:55:09 PM
...that review was so planty, that it sounds like reverse-psychological sabotage, designed to discourage me from seeing the movie.
How many times should one use the expression "lol" in a review? by PurityOfEssence	Nov 2nd, 2007 06:55:12 PM
Once is way too many times.
I can't look at their eyes by CherryValance	Nov 2nd, 2007 06:55:41 PM
Animated human eyeballs freak me the hell out. I doubt if I'll ever see this. I still haven't seen The Polar Express and have no desire too. Wouldn't it just be easier to point a camera at actors and show us that?
Hi, my name is XiMan by Bilblow	Nov 2nd, 2007 06:55:56 PM
and I work for Paramount.
For someone that only saw this once...he sure does remember a lo by Mike_D	Nov 2nd, 2007 06:57:01 PM
plant?
Hooooo boy by GreatWhiteNoise	Nov 2nd, 2007 06:57:50 PM
Sure. I'm as excited about Beowulf as the next guy. But c'mon buddy. The review I wrote for Raiders on the underside of my desk in fourth grade read better than that. Hard to attach any chredibility to that much hyperbhole in one rheview.
Another by Mindraven	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:01:16 PM
Review by Planty McPlantson
Yos dudez, this reviewer talkz like uz! by blindambition238	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:02:32 PM
Beowulf is extreme to the max!
so, comparable to What Lies Beneath?? by kafka07	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:03:15 PM
umm
Oscar worthy performances of animated people? by methosb	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:03:45 PM
...plant
what has leaves and sprouts from the ground? by kafka07	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:04:35 PM
yup you guessed it
I AM NOT A MEXICAN...OR A PLANT!!! by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:04:37 PM
Look, the omonotopeia is a result of my being a struggling screenwriter... If the review reads like a 14 yo wrote it -- I'll take that as a compliment as the film reduced me to that level of excitement... Hold your criticisms of how much you think it would cost until you see it yourself... BTW LOL on the LOL COMMENT, lol!!!!!!!!!!!
Jolie's cgi boobs already had me there by Pipple	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:05:32 PM
still I don't like the cgi idea. This isn't toys or cars, it's supposed to be flesh and blood. How will I care about cartoon people in danger?
I like how they made Jolie look like her Gia days by I Dunno	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:05:44 PM
before she got all skinny and veiny.
There were monsters in What Lies Beneath? by Pops Freshemeyer	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:06:11 PM
That was the Harrison Ford/Michelle Pfeifer thing, right? What Lies Beneath? Monsters? What the fuck movie did I see?
the score was "WHAT LIES BENEATH" by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:06:20 PM
Not the film (LOL!!!)
XiMan- how did you remember all of the scenes/dialouge? by Mike_D	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:06:44 PM
curious.
Pronouncing "Beowulf" by Jonas Grumpy	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:07:04 PM
I'm inclined to hang out at the box office when this movie opens, just to hear everyone mangle the movie's title. "One for 'Bowie-wolf,' please!" "I'd like two tickets to 'Blowful,' please!" "When is the next showing of 'Bow-wow-wolf'?"
And, by "Everyone..." by Jonas Grumpy	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:08:55 PM
...I mean the dozen or so English majors, the handful of history buffs, and the several thousand die-hard animation fanatics who will see this on opening day. If it breaks the top ten, that means it was a slow weekend.
What is missing from my review??? by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:08:59 PM
Yes, there were lots of summarizing, but that's only b/c I hate people who reveal EVERYTHING... As for the "plant" comments... they're really funny! It's weird being on the other side of the review when the ugly p-word is thrown at you... but I have to admit... THIS IS COOL!!! LOL!!!
Not a plant by Bob of the Shire	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:09:31 PM
Just a fucking idiot. Reading that review made me want to punch this faggot in the face. "AND THEN THEY FIGHT AND IT MADE ME JIZZORZ ALL OVER MY POPCORN LOLOLOLOLOL" Jesus fucking christ, someone end this dude.
Mike_D by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:10:54 PM
When you see the film you'll see how off the dialog is... that's why I wrote "like" alot b/c I don't remember it exactly -- only the really good line... Again, I'm a struggling screenwriter, dialog, scenes, staging all of these things I pick up on... Just curious...how much do plants make??? LOL!!!!
Looks unbelievable by Messyjoe	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:11:02 PM
Other than Beowulf who looks very wooden, the rest of this looks topnotch. In the promo I though Angelina has a long tail! I think I was ok with that, considering how she looks, but I think hair is better, even it's intended to cut off heads.
Hey, El Planto Retardo by TheCornTorilla	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:12:18 PM

Bob of the shire by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:13:02 PM
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO L LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO L LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO L!!!!
So, how much were you paid... by andyny29	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:15:25 PM
for this over the top review!
Hey, El Planto Retardo, elnumero dos by TheCornTorilla	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:17:05 PM
Whon ding dat messing wit me mind. Digital 3D printo? What is dat essay?
its possible that this could be decent by godhelpus	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:18:07 PM
I don't know about the Final Fantasy people, but Zemeckis is someone who can pull off some serious feats when he wants to, fx shots alone don't cut it though, its story, story, story, and they've got a good one here, we'll see, blah blah blah
Sounds great, but doesn't sound like PG-13 by Bungion Boy	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:21:17 PM
The last ad I saw said PG-13 though this sounds like a hard R. Did you see a cut that we're not going to see? Is the IMAX cut different from the theatrical one? God I hope so. Wow. I hope this is great.
Ximan by godhelpus	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:22:09 PM
how many times do you have to mention that you're a screenwriter? I find that kind of sad yet touching, these are not the people you should be trying to impress
XiMan by Tascar	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:22:51 PM
How is Alan Silvestri's score? I'm really looking forward to it ever since that preview of it in Madrid.
PLANT!! by dogstar69	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:24:32 PM
is the new....FIRST?
Bungion Boy by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:24:59 PM
I was VERY surprised by the rating too. The only explanation I can think of is they negotiated a PG-13 b/c it's animated instead of live-action... I can assure you this is the version you will see... I think. I've never been to a screening where they changed the film afterwards...
PLANT!! by dogstar69	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:25:35 PM
is the new...GOTTA EAT?
Tascar by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:26:22 PM
The score is SICK!! A fellow co-worker (female, 40s) didn't like it b/c of the gore, but even she was like "The score was amazing."
wait a second? this is animated? by Russman	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:27:07 PM
What's the deal.. it looks live action. Someone fill me in, I don't want to look it up.
Sounds like a plant to me. by Barry Egan	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:28:16 PM
Way too enthusiastic.
PLANT!! by dogstar69	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:28:22 PM
is the new...SHUT THE FUCK UP... seriously, why can't we just wait and see the film ourselves before we judge other peoples opinions??. Shit wait that's to easy.. Fuck this movie "exclamation mark"
PLANT!! by dogstar69	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:30:52 PM
well, why the fuck not
HE IS GRIPPER! HE IS SLASHER! HE IS.... A PLANT! by Err	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:31:53 PM
Angelina Jolie is not Grendel's mother. Grendel's mother was an effing monster. Nowhere in the original text was she supposed to appear as a beautiful woman. Angelina Jolie as Grendel's mom = lame.
"$500 mill if it was live action"? by I Dunno	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:32:47 PM
Wouldn't it cost more to shoot the film, then motion capture and digitize the whole thing?
Check your sources Harry by RogueIntruder	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:33:20 PM
The site has hit a new low. This reeks of studio plant. Come Harry you know better. Shame on you sir. Next
Also, it's "AN EFFING MASTERPIECE" or "A F'ing MASTERPIECE" by Err	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:33:26 PM
Grammar gods demand it!
I don't get the motion capture bit. by Barry Egan	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:35:10 PM
I know we've hashed this topic out before, but what is the point of doing motion capture work with actors and then animating chracters that look like creepy, soulless versions of the actors? I don't get it at all. Why not just make a live action film? And now Zemickis is giving us another one of these things? A Christmas Carol?
Christ... by DocPazuzu	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:36:28 PM
...reading plants' reviews when they try to use the lingo and vibe of talkbackers is as embarrassingly hilarious as when Clark Griswold rolls down the car window and says "what it is, bro" during his detour in the projects. You'd better just roll your ass out of here, XiMan, or you're gonna lose those figurative hubcaps.
It's Xtreeeeeeme!!!!! by topaz4206	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:38:08 PM
"It's totally Rodriguez, they Frank Miller'ed this shizz for rizzeals! Like, BONG!" Paramount, please fire this person.
First rate acting? Like the acting Jolie gave in Alexander? by Err	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:39:29 PM
This movie is doomed.
Thanks by Bungion Boy	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:39:32 PM
I remember reading a long time ago that Zemekus was trying to make two cuts of the film. A family friendly one and an R rated one but then I read the studio nixed it. I hadn't heard anything new about it so I assume that there's still just one cut of the film, and it sounds like a good one.
Better yet, Paramount... by DocPazuzu	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:40:09 PM
...please kill this person.
Is it really Spoilers considering this tale has been around for by Err	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:40:49 PM
Anyone?
I AM NOT A PLANT!!! by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:40:56 PM
I FEEL SO BAD FOR HARRY & THEM! YOU GUYS TRASH THIS SITE WHEN THEY ARE NOT POSTING REVIEWS OF PLANTS! Who would take a job (at a studio)... Seriously, do you really believe they think the TALKBACKERS on AICN is going to effect their B.O.??????? SERIOUSLY! Ask yourself that question. If the answer is yes...it makes a lot of sense that you would call me a plant!! LOLOOLOLOLOLOL!!
Do people like TBers affect ticket sales? by Err	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:42:44 PM
Hmmmmm......Spider-Man 3 and Superman Returns, please step forward. Yeah, people who recognize a bad film affect the box office of the film. Alexander, anyone? Also, the use of LOLOLOLOLOL makes you look like you are 12.
Can we have a review from some one not involved in the productio by Merriman Lyon	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:43:30 PM
This is ridiculous. Why has AICN published this ridiculous piece of promotional material?
"Who would take a job (at a studio)" by DocPazuzu	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:44:28 PM
Hell, I would, that's who. And guess what? I'd do astoundingly better plant work than you would because I AM a fucking talkbacker.
PARAMOUNT... by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:45:12 PM
Please hire me...so I can get paid to be called a plant... LOL!! Anyway, back to the positive... THIS MOVIE IS A FUCKING MASTERPIECE!!! Wait till the other reviews come in... You'll see then...
OTHER REVIEWS OF THIS FILM by Err	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:46:37 PM
http://www.mrqe.com/lookup?^Be owulf+(2007) Also, one site gave it 1 out of 5.
Errr by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:46:42 PM
As I thought, you DO think you effected the box office of those films... AWWW, THAT'S SO CUTE! LOSER!!!
XiMan by Err	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:48:15 PM
I think it's cute that you can't even spell "Err." Secondly, AICN TBers are people. People who, if they think a film sucks, won't go see it, this then results in lower box office. So yes, TBers affect the box office of films.
Err by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:48:37 PM
Nothing came up with that link... It doesn't look reputable anyway, but neither does a review of XiMan... But don't worry, I'm sure you will make this film gross $5 million domestically... Just keep on TALKIN'BACK! LOL!!!! (*in a 12yo voice)
Struggling screenwriter, emphasis on the struggling. by The Continental	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:50:44 PM
The struggling screenwriter bit is probably the most believable part of that review. But then again using "LOLOLOLOL" like its punctuation tends to discredit oneself.
XiMan by Err	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:51:00 PM
www.mrqe.com - Movie Review Query Engine. Search for Beowulf. As a person, I can decide whether or not to give my 10 bucks to see Beowulf. If lets say 1000 people feel this way, then that is 10000 less dollars that film makes. 1,000,000 people don't want to see it then the film is out 10 million. I affect box office. Whether you deem it significant or not is moot. Either way, I affect box office as does every TB'er and every American.
Is it April Fools by RogueIntruder	Nov 2nd, 2007 07:53:02 PM
This sounds like a prank on the site readers. This review cannot be real. Neeext
Ximan, now we know you're plantlicious by Pipple	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:02:43 PM
We broke catwoman, influenced Rambo, were raped by kevin smith, coined a classic phrase damn you michael bay, have fucking Bruce motherfucking willis come personally to wrestle with us. We hold Hallewood by the tits!
We'll see if I'm a plant... by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:03:00 PM
When Harry reviews it... I mean he may not like it, but he'll be able to tell us if I wrote this as a plant... There's no denying a MASTERPIECE... The reviews will reveal me as a plant or not... BTW: I was the person who say Capote on opening weekend and said "Best Picture nominee" (and it was!) I also said this on opening weekened of "The Sixth Sense" (which was a summer film!)... This year I've only said that about "Michael Clayton," "Assassination of Jesse James" and "Into the Wild"... I'm telling you, this film is SUPERB. All of the nonsense about freeky digital characters -- OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW in this film. Zemeckis has finally nailed it... You'll see...
Every two months or so... by DocPazuzu	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:03:23 PM
...we get a new plantalicious review which is obviously the result of the previous couple of months' worth of brainstorming meetings with bluetoothed cabals of executards trying to figure out what went wrong the last time they were humiliatingly outed. It's true -- each new "spearhead" plant review contains a virtual checklist of the things that were roundly ridiculed on the previous occasion. Take an infamous example like the first Doom review, which sounds like a hideous, shameless press kit, and view the progression in subsequent plant-a-thons where the terminology is adjusted, the backstories tweaked, the geek cred emphasized and the profanity increased. The problem is, they just. can't. get. it. right. These necktied mollusks simply don't grok what makes us tick. We can smell them a mile away. All they would have to do, really, is hire a talkbacker. But no. They have to analyze, pick, prod and poke what went wrong and then get someone from their own ranks to step up to the plate. In a way, I do understand, since they want to keep their jobs and be relevant, but they can never be relevant as anything other than sources of cruel amusement for talkbackers. By all means, keep sending 'em in.
I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH A MO-CAP PLANT! by Pound Sand	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:04:07 PM
that is the greenest review since, "An Inconvenient Truth."
Doc Pazuzu by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:08:01 PM
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE HILARIOUS!!! COME ON!!! Studio execs don't give a FUCK about us!!!! P.S. -- This film is a MASTERPIECE LOLOLOLOLOL!!! HAHA : )
Hes bringing Planty back...the other plants dont know how to act by Mike_D	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:09:23 PM
plant!
XiMan by DocPazuzu	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:09:57 PM
The film might indeed be a "masterpiece", and other reviewers may agree with that assessment, but it's not the positivity of a review which outs the plant, but virtually everything else in it. Until you cretins understand this, you will make zero progress in influencing our views.
For the love of god XiMan, STOP SHOUTING!!! by Vim Fuego	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:10:38 PM
Also, I can't stop thinking about Ray Winstone's cock & balls now. Thanks a lot.
PLANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!! by Lashlarue	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:15:48 PM
Beowulf is gay. So, I doubt he'd like to "hit" that. Jesus, these plants get lamer every time.
FOR THE LAST TIME WATERBOARDING IS NOT TORTURE by Deus Vult	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:15:59 PM
am I the only person who pledged a fraternity in college on this site? sometimes I think I am...as such, waterboarding is NOT torture, and neither is wearing a cloak with a hood over your head and having pictures taken of you and posted on al jazeera. NOW I'LL TELL YOU WHAT TORTURE IS...ITS BUSTING YOUR ASS IN HIGH SCHOOL, COLLEGE AND GRAD SCHOOL, GETTING A COMMODITIES TRADER JOB IN WORLD TRADE TOWER TWO AFTER ALL THOSE YEARS OF STUDYING, SHOWING UP TO WORK EARLY ON SEPTEMBER 11TH AND GETTING INCINERATED ON THE 91ST FLOOR WHILE WORKING YOUR ASS OFF TRYING TO PAY YOUR TAXES. that my friends is torture.
THE PLANT MEETING... by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:18:01 PM
This morning I pulled up in my BMW 500 in a three piece pin-stripped suit... My boss, Director Planto, called me in for this month's PLANTIFUS MEETING OF THE SECRET SOCIETY OF PLANTS (lol -- cracking up as I write) He said "XiMan, you have studied the language of the TALKBACKERS (whom we refer to as the T'BACKERS (lol)... And because of your mastery of their mix of slang and bad screenwriting prose, you will plant the review for BEOWULF. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!! HAHA ; ) seriously, LMAO!!!
Studio execs gave enough of a fuck to by methosb	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:18:06 PM
...plant an absurd review about people jumping out of their seats in the theatre during Fast and the Furious 3. Like anyone on here would have given a fuck about the film in the first place and give a shit about a good review.
methosb by DocPazuzu	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:20:42 PM
Not only that, but apparently, F&F3 was "da booooommmmmb!!!" and people were practicing "drifting" in the parking lot after the movie.
Deus Vult by The Dum Guy	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:21:08 PM
That isn't torture, that is simply getting killed. Having bamboo shoots stuck into different areas of you genitals, now thats torture. Although, some would argue that driving without AC is torture, so...
Beowulf by MJohnson	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:22:08 PM
Look...I don't want to come across as smug or obnoxious...but I studied Beowulf in my PhD program...with one of the acknowledged worldwide scholars on Beowulf, Tom Shippey...I have translated it out of the original Old English...I teach it in my Western Civ class...I have read too much about it...and I'm telling you...what they are about to release is NOT Beowulf. Call it want you want...but it isn't that poem...that story...whatever.
TOM BODET AND PAZUZU ARE ON TO SOMETHING... by Deus Vult	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:22:34 PM
Not that either of them need it or even require it, but they've both got my vote. The Doc has picked up on an interesting vibe and Bodet really brought it home. Haven't read the site in awhile but its good to see you guys are on your game. in other news, review/er aside, if I can convince the wife to go, I'll see in the theater.
MJohnson question for you... by Deus Vult	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:25:30 PM
I read a commentary on Beowulf once that the story was a method by which monks would tell of a hero's successfuly explots with heavy or even (at that time) overt christian undertones to make conversion more appealing. true or false?
I LIKED THIS BETTER WHEN IT WAS '300'. by Pennsy	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:25:33 PM

Dum Guy, if you live in houston, no car a/c IS torture by Deus Vult	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:27:43 PM
especially around the middle of august. as for genitals and bamboo shoots, that sounds like a typical saturday night romp at the house with me and the wife! mwa-ha!!!
Super Mega Oscarlycious Masterpiece PLANT!!!! by RpgSama	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:27:59 PM
I Mean c'mon, this guy almost suck our pickles trying to sell this movie, i don't think that this is going to be a bad movie and i want to see it day one, even if it have Angelina Jolie who is an overrated Bi*ch, Can't Stan Her, but even so Day one, but this guy almost sell it to us like it's the best movie ever made, it would have costed 1 billion dollars if it was live action, WHO CARES...
Man, its just a grade better then 360 graphics. by DigitalDong	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:29:23 PM
Either this is a plant, or a complete moron, or both.
gotta hand it to ya, XiMan... by Sir Loin	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:29:48 PM
You're taking this plant inquisition well, and you do have a sense of humor. So I give ya credit...most reviewers who are accused of being plants run and hide, lol.
I live further south than Houston and... by The Dum Guy	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:29:56 PM
I used to have to drive a '77 Nova sans AC, in the middle of the summer (June-August) delivering pizzas. So, I'm like John McCain, or some shit, when it comes to knowing about torture.
speaking of hot AND torture, has anyone seen... by Deus Vult	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:35:32 PM
the quest telephonic party-line commercials? those girls are SO hot but they're the WORST actresses/spokesmodels it's just torture watching them trying to read their cue cards. further south than houston? and hot? Dum Guy my man you had to live in brownsville! who knew they had pizza down there? and delivery yet?
Hey guyz! Long-time reader... by DocPazuzu	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:39:17 PM
...first-time poster!!! FIRST!!!11 LOLOLOL!!!! GOTTA EAT!!!1 Seriously this movie will PWN you!!!! w00t!! I totally know this guy who sncuk me into a topsecret showing of this movie and I wuz worried frist that I'd get busted, but I looked over at Kurt Ruzzel and he had a bomb in his ribcage so I guess it was okay!!! Jar Jar kinda sucked but the space battles were so effin awsome that I heard people say they were going to sign up for astronaut training the next day!!!!111 This opening cinematic salvo from maestro Lucas firmly cements his virtuoso grip on his archetypal space saga and it will SO GET YOU PUZZY at its denouement if you take a date!!!!111!!1! If u use this, call me AzzMazterJetEye!!!!!!!!!!
Some FUCKING PLANTS by AlwaysThere	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:40:05 PM
are always trying to eat everyone else's food.
Regarding the rating by Liphook	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:40:52 PM
During one of the features on the 'Aqua Teen Hunger Force' movie DVD, they said that stuff that they usually would have got away with on TV was a problem for them on that project, as it was an 'animated movie', so something doesn't sound quite right here.
HEY DOC YOU HAD GOING UNTIL... by Deus Vult	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:42:41 PM
you told
STUPID BUTTONS! STUPID SITE! NO EDITING FEATURES! by Deus Vult	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:43:13 PM
BOO! about to try again.
HEY DOC YOU HAD US GOING UNTIL... by Deus Vult	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:44:37 PM
you told us that episode one would get us laid if we brought a date. oddly enough, when I brought my wife (then girlfriend) to see it she fell asleep and said, after I woke her up; "that sucked." clearly not an intro into other things mind you...
Ximan... what else do you think is a "Masterpiece"? by CENOBITE	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:51:25 PM
I'm just trying to get an idea of where you are coming from.
You're kidding yourself by Chairman_Kaga	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:54:54 PM
If you think Animation Fanatics will be flocking to this MoCap....thing on opening weekend.
CENOBITE by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:55:00 PM
Honestly, it's a feeling I get as I watch the film unfold... I'm a screenwriter (struggling, emphasis) so from Fade In I'm analyzing everything: From Score, Shots, Dialogue, Characterization, Build-up, Performances, SCORE, etc. This is the first animated film that I've called a masterpiece, b/c it didn't feel animated at all. It's directed and written as if it were a flesh and blood epic thriller... I was blown away by it... It gave me that feeling again...
"Norbit..., IT'S A FUCKING MASTERPIECE," - XiMan by Pound Sand	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:55:24 PM

So enthusiastic! by JoeSixPack	Nov 2nd, 2007 08:58:45 PM
Hmm... a little fishy
XIMAN MAYBE YOU SHOULD SIGN UP FOR "FULL SAIL" by Deus Vult	Nov 2nd, 2007 09:02:16 PM
that's the film school that shows up in the banner ads right here in aicn. they claim to award degrees in film in two years; bachelors degrees no less! perhaps if you had a degree from full sail you wouldn't be a "struggling screenwriter" any more?
CAN'T WAIT UNTIL XiMan REVIEWS THE BEE MOVIE ! by Pound Sand	Nov 2nd, 2007 09:06:45 PM
"And then Jerry Seinfeld goes, 'what's going on, HONEY,' and the whole theater goez crazy LOL CATS ROFLCOPTER.
BEOWULF HAS A BEER AND CHEETS ON QUEEN WEALTHOW by Pound Sand	Nov 2nd, 2007 09:09:34 PM

Thank you... by D_T	Nov 2nd, 2007 09:12:13 PM
...to all the TB regulars, goddamn I actually did laugh out loud at a several of these posts! (the wifey looked at me like I'm a kook). I don't get this art/design direction either - CGI replicants of the actors (both motion and voice captured)? I guess it provides a more seamless presentation with the CGI based sets/environments (?) BTW, WTF is a BMW 500... ~DT
HEY POUND SAND WHAT'S A ROFLCOPTER? by Deus Vult	Nov 2nd, 2007 09:13:57 PM
EOP
Not Animation by Shit Happened	Nov 2nd, 2007 09:16:32 PM
Ummm. I wouldn't consider this animation by any stretch... motion capture - yes. Also - PLANT, PLANT, PLANTEDIDY, PLANT!
Dear Err... by Fish Tank	Nov 2nd, 2007 09:17:13 PM
Those crappy reviews on that site are for the Lambert live-action film of the same name - not this one (although, it could stink - we'll see).
What happens to the plants after the strike is authorized? by Pound Sand	Nov 2nd, 2007 09:20:22 PM
And does Heroes really finish in Dec., as Pennsy asserted somewhere else?
The trailer suggests this is one of the WORST - by Laserbrain	Nov 2nd, 2007 09:31:58 PM
designed, directed and "animated" films ever made. "Perfection", my fucking date!
HARRY, USE TEH BANHAMMER HARRY. by F-1000	Nov 2nd, 2007 09:36:12 PM
This is the sound of XiMan when the sledgehammer of ban slams against his fragile plant balls: UUNNNNNGGGGGGGGHHHHH. Followed by inaudible high tones reachable only by a 12 year old. Seriously this fucking review is full of FAIL AND LOSE. Ximan is one of the few people I've ever met on the internet that have made me literally wish I had the ability to hunt down and kill. You're such a stupid fucking cunt, and all of your LOLZ talkback posts remind me of that scene in Roger Rabbit with teh hyenas or whatever the hell they were when they start laughing and can't SHUT THE FUCK UP. Harry, in the history of this site nbody has ever needed to be B& (That is "banned") more than this nincomfuckingpoop. P.S.-XiMan, your literary, language, and persuasion skills are EPIC FAIL. Plant or not. If you can stop FREAKING THE FUCK out long enough to type a screenplay without jizzing yourself, declaring it a masterpiece before you've finished the first sentence and subsequently filling lines of LOL and exclamation points; you will STILL never sell it. Unless you somehow hook up with Uwe Boll. Which surprisingly isn't out of the realm of imagination when it comes to ultimate SUCK.
Let's not use the term masterpiece loosely by #1 Zero	Nov 2nd, 2007 09:37:33 PM
The only thing that intrigues me about this film is that it appears to be a cgi film for adults that might work. The final fantasy films did not work. Ximan seems young or is playing the part of a young person but he is trying to get me or us to find greatness in the elements of the story that would appeal to the lowest common denominator of an audience, in other words, "naked jolie coochie" 15 year olds having sex with old men (oh my gosh is someone living out a fantasy with that?). Ultimately the gore, the asses and whatever else they got away with in cartoon form that they couldn't in live action that seems so great kind of turns me off. That said, I'll see it and judge for myself, I have to believe that there may be a deeper meaning beyond what Ximan found good about the movie. If Ximan is a plant he is trying to rouse interest in fans of say a movie like 300 to like this, and I think we can agree that Beowulf is a bit more sophisticated than 300 at least in terms of literature. Whatever this film turns out to be is up in the air, maybe it is in the style of 300.
XIMAN DARES INFECT US ALL WITH LITERARY AIDS by F-1000	Nov 2nd, 2007 09:42:47 PM
Even my grammar suffered writing my previous post slamming you. I was so angry. Oh, and by the way tell your boss at the "Secret Society of Plants" (no self congratulatory masturbatory lol needed here) that you caused at least one person (i.e. myself) to NOT go see this film opening weekend. Just because of your review and more importantly your badgering and Talkback hooliganism. If I see this film AT ALL, because you pissed me off THAT MUCH. Not your desired effect, eh fuckface?
THE PLANT MEETING (part 2)... by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 09:46:15 PM
Director Planto: "XiMan, you must use words like cock. Balls. Cooch. And LOL. Yes -- lots of LOL'S!!!! LMFAO!!!! Stupid talkbackers... Also: I hope I'm annoying everyone who thinks I'm a plant...
This movie lost me... by Celicynd	Nov 2nd, 2007 09:46:34 PM
After the point in the first trailer where I realized they were completely fucking over the Beowulf story to put a naked Angelina Jolie in it... I'm sorry... Beowulf is an epic enough story, why the fuck do you have to have major storyline changes to the story?!
Anyone who has REALLY studied Beowulf knows that by Captain Dees	Nov 2nd, 2007 09:50:00 PM
Grendal was a bipedal dinosaur. Picks up and chews up grown men all with his jaws? Check. Has small, vulnerable forearms? Check. Somebody had to mention the obvious.
"Gilded with gold"? by Dave Bowman	Nov 2nd, 2007 09:51:28 PM
I'd like to see something gilded with anything else...
so this is PG-13...but NC-17? by Reynard Muldrake	Nov 2nd, 2007 09:51:30 PM
With nudity and all the violence we were expecting? You lost me. More importantly - Indy 4 trailer? For the actual opening??
#1 Zero by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 09:52:56 PM
The tone of my review (as I wrote) was both the 14 yo in me and the 26 yo that I am... I can't effectively communicate the artistic aspects of the film as they are a combination of performance and writing... I'm not still here b/c I'm trying to convince ANYONE to see this film -- MASTERPIECES have a funny way of making money... I'm here to make fun of the people who are pretending they won't see it because I'm a "plant"
Two words by 5 by 5	Nov 2nd, 2007 09:55:37 PM
Anger management.
Dave Bowman by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 09:55:54 PM
Point given... asshole! LOL!!!
And btw, if XiMan IS a plant... by Captain Dees	Nov 2nd, 2007 09:56:41 PM
then all of you are tools for even visiting this site and expecting any different. Because if you can spot him as a plant, then Harry can obviously spot him as a plant, which means Harry is either willingly sabotaging his website or working for the studios.
I'll give this a shot because I want ADULT ANIMATION in America by Toxic Frog	Nov 2nd, 2007 09:57:40 PM
I will go see this movie because it's an ANIMATED MOVIE FOR ADULTS. Even if the 3D looks off, it's a bold step for an American studio. Even if it's not a masterpiece, I hope it does well enough to inspire more adult-themed American animation. By 'adult' I mean 'not for kids'. I don't mean immature crap like Heavy Metal (yes, you read that correctly - Heavy Metal is crap - you know it's true if you're honest with yourself).
G@briel.Gray by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 10:02:25 PM
C'mon bro... You don't really believe that. You just want me to think you do, LOL!!! BTW.....I DON'T.
I WAS PAID $500 TO PLANT THIS... by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 10:04:18 PM
But ONLY under the condition that the T'BACKERS (lol) bought it... YOU LOSERS ARE RUINING MY PAYDAY!!!! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!! LMAO!!! seriously laughing
G by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 10:08:05 PM

G@BRIEL.GRAY by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 10:10:08 PM
YOU'RE HILARIOUS... I WISH I COULD BE THERE... WHEN YOU RUSH TO THE FRONT OF THE TICKET BOOTH LINE, AND ASK FOR YOUR TICKET TO Beowulf (sorry for the caps)... it will only be 1 ticket, cuz you'll be alone... and when you see the film...you'll be wanking off...TO BEOWULF! (NOTE: I wouldn't say those things if you were'nt so obsessed with wanking on faces and cocksucking, lol)
IAmMrMonkey by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 10:16:42 PM
Thanks... I kinda got SUCKED in...
Just got off the phone with XiMan by Soops	Nov 2nd, 2007 10:23:57 PM
And he says he's actually a swarthy Ecuadoran. ;) Thanks for the review, XiMan. Will give the film a shot.
IAmMrMonkey by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 10:41:59 PM
Thanks again. But I really like my review, LOL... I don't know how else to review a film other than to list what you remember. I guess I thought people would know that I'm very critical of films and would see "Masterpiece" and know it was true...Lesson learned!
I dont buy it... by DoctorWho?	Nov 2nd, 2007 10:42:53 PM
Zemeckis last 4 or 5 films have on my nerves. Over rated anyone? Jolie underwhelms me in this role too...just like Cruise, she takes my right OUT of the movie..."oh look, theres Tom Cruise playing the role of (fill in the blank)." Suspension of disbelief gone.
XiMan IS a plant... and here is why! by MoJojo	Nov 2nd, 2007 10:43:22 PM
Our good friend XiMan did a wonderful job in describing the movie in great detail from its begining to the point where Beowulf leaves the cave. 12 paragraphs filled with "spoilers" and much "street talk". From that point he covered the entire rest of the film in 2 paragraphs! It just so happened that he described what many had already been shown in events such as COMICCON, and left the rest for us to pay to learn more. Next, unbeknownst to his cleaverness, XiMan described a factoid that only one involved in the production of the film would know... Let's leave it at that ;) Nothing against the studio trying to pump its product afterall they did spend a pretty penny on it, Zemeckis is a fantastic director, and Beowulf is probably going to satisfy, but next time choose a better character to do its PR then silly XiMan.
Pound Sand, the 'Heroes ending on 12/3' is a doomsday by Pennsy	Nov 2nd, 2007 10:44:52 PM
option, if the writers strike goes on for any length of time. That night would be 11th episode of season 2, and the end of the first big arc. From what I'm hearing, they have scripts up until episode 14. Instead of showing those 3 extra episodes, they'll finish their season with the 11th one.
I thought "Beowulf" would be rated R, not PG-13! by MrMysteryGuest	Nov 2nd, 2007 10:55:04 PM
I heard about all the violence and nuditity in the movie, but I was surprised the MPAA gave this thing a PG-13. Ah, well...at least horny teenagers get to see a nekkid Angelina Jolie! ;P
That review by gengrievous82	Nov 2nd, 2007 10:59:37 PM
pretty much sealed my original decision in not going to see this. First it was the lame ass performance capture that still doesn't look right. The 300-esque inspired "I AM BEOWULF!" line. And XiMan's lame review. Sorry, but computers can't do animation all by themselves. They are tools for augmenting a movie with VFX. Not insta-movie-matics. XiMan mentions Gollum's performance in, what he calls, his review. Yes, Gollum was motion captured, but only partially. A lot of his performance was augmented with traditional keyframed animation. That's why his performance was a success.
I will not be happy... by NubtheSquirrel	Nov 2nd, 2007 11:03:00 PM
Until Neil Cumpston reviews the flick. I don't think anything more needs to be said. Here's hoping the flick is as good as it looks...
MoJoJo by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 11:07:42 PM
.....how do I say this delicately.... UR WEIRD! LMAO!! There is nothing in my review that anyone involved in the production could only know. But it's okay...keep trying to convince yourself that I'm a plant (though you should know that you wreak of a secret love for this film). I love the way you guys think studios care and plan these "plants" so methodically, LOL! It's hilarious. Like when you noticed how I summarized the last act in "two paragraphs". I was actually tired of typing, LOL! Losers... : )
Be a Smart Plant by JaPra	Nov 2nd, 2007 11:10:46 PM
what's so funny is how "hip" this planter tries to be while describing this film. C'mon, do better then this. We're not stupid, we're just overzealous :)
There are NO plants in the movie! by Bob Cryptonight	Nov 2nd, 2007 11:19:13 PM
Jolie has no bush.
PLANT-A-ROO. by joshua	Nov 2nd, 2007 11:21:50 PM
I mean come on.
why is it reviews from LA screenings... by chaplinatemyshoe	Nov 2nd, 2007 11:29:34 PM
always strike me as plants?
Well, he's either a plant by veritasses	Nov 2nd, 2007 11:30:51 PM
or a person who needs to learn how to write a good review. I don't mean to be cruel to Ximan if he's legit but he ought'a know that that's the type of "positive review" that serves to drive people away from the theatres.
Damn you, Michael BayOwulf! by thebearovingian	Nov 2nd, 2007 11:31:46 PM
I! AM! ANGELINA JOLIE'S MO-CAPPED CROTCHGINA!
Damn, I wonder if PLANTS will have to honor the WGA strike? by Harry Weinstein	Nov 2nd, 2007 11:33:22 PM
n/t
MO-CRAP by Harry Weinstein	Nov 2nd, 2007 11:36:57 PM
Let's get the terminology correct, folks. The R isn't silent.
veritasses by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 11:36:58 PM
But that's what's so funny... Why do I have to write a "good review"? I write what I want to write. I wasn't trying to impress the AICN talkbackers. I did like the fact that I was the first to review it though : )
THE PLANT MEETING (Part 3) by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 11:39:41 PM
Director Planto: "XiMan, it is IMPERATIVE that you don't disclose where you saw the film (the PA Lot!) and that you don't say all positive things -- this is PLANTOLOGY 101 -- You MUST say bad things too..." XiMan: "....DUH!"
OK, OK, OK -- I'M A PLANT!!! by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 11:41:00 PM
NOW WHAT?????... LOL!!!!
Ximan... by Darwyn	Nov 2nd, 2007 11:42:23 PM
If you aren't a plant, I have a suggestion to get the truth across more effectively - stop fucking LOLing. No one but nervous laughers and adolescent boys from bad commercials laugh that much. Frankly, it's debatable whether one should even put one LOL after their own comment, let alone forty-three and 17 exlamation points. It's like someone who tells a bad joke then laughs because no one else will, it's a little pathetic. Unless you are coked up or bi-polar, just talk how you think, and people might start taking you seriously. I'm just looking out for your back Bro-ham; fo shizzle
XiMan hang in there, dude by Sir Loin	Nov 2nd, 2007 11:42:28 PM
I don't care if you're a plant or not at this point, the basement-dwellers are out at this point and have nothing better to do but make fun of you to try and make themselves feel masculine. I'll be seeing the movie regardless, "dead" CGI eyeballs and all. Woo!
The lead character looks kinda gay... by Fa Fa Fooey	Nov 2nd, 2007 11:43:35 PM
Not that there's anything WRONG with that.
Beowulf: Polar Express Boogaloo by Fa Fa Fooey	Nov 2nd, 2007 11:44:10 PM
Visual effects look strange and creepy.
Sir Loin by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 11:44:26 PM
Thanks,LOL!!!!!!!!! really laughing out lound... Sorry, I can't resist!
Darwyn by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 11:45:34 PM
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOL!! !! Just for you... ; )
Let's play 21 QUESTIONS FOR THE PLANT by XiMan	Nov 2nd, 2007 11:46:39 PM
Go on, ask me all the questions you've ever wanted to ask a plant... Don't be bashful either... FA SHIZZLE! LOL!!!
you morons have to admit he's been a good sport by Sir Loin	Nov 2nd, 2007 11:51:27 PM
All this buffoonery and he's still posting. If he's a plant, he's a GREAT one and entertaining at that. If he's not, well he just cares enough to keep going despite the talkback haranguing. Give him credit for that, at least.
"Planty McPlantson" Ha Ha. I like that one. by Fa Fa Fooey	Nov 2nd, 2007 11:53:24 PM
That should be the standard term for a plant, like Alan Smithee or something.
G@BRlEL.GRAY is gay by BrightEyes	Nov 2nd, 2007 11:56:38 PM
but in the "Lame" way.
I'll answer anyone's questions... by XiMan	Nov 3rd, 2007 12:05:35 AM
except G@briel.Gray... But I am getting sleepy, lol. Sorry for the lol
BTW -- I'M STILL HERE B/C... by XiMan	Nov 3rd, 2007 12:07:02 AM
THIS COULD BE MY ONLY CLAIM TO FAME! And it's also a stipulation in my Plant contract, LOL!
good comeback by BrightEyes	Nov 3rd, 2007 12:07:09 AM
well thought out Gabriel GAY!!!!!
The bigger/more blatant a lie, the more people will believe it. by BMacSmith	Nov 3rd, 2007 12:08:37 AM
you nazi plant!!!
I am Ron Burgundy XiMan Plant??? by XiMan	Nov 3rd, 2007 12:08:40 AM
GOOD NIGHT, SAN DIEGO!
Schmen by Napoleon Park	Nov 3rd, 2007 12:11:22 AM
Somebody - Chuck Austen, I think - did an X-men parody comic called "Xmen" (without the hyphen, and with a parentetical note next to the logo saying it was pronounced "Schmen".) but "Ximen"? How can I trust a review from someone called "Semen"? Unless it's a review of a navy picture or gay porn.
Scott Baio-wolf... by Fa Fa Fooey	Nov 3rd, 2007 12:19:18 AM
Sorry, it was right there, I took it.
Plants should be ridiculed mercilessly. Dont give them any respe by BMacSmith	Nov 3rd, 2007 12:28:44 AM
they dont deserve it. and Harry knows its a plant but he's already decided (or got payed) to like this movie. I will bet any man here $1000 vs your $100 that Harry gives a positive review of this flick
XiMan... by Tourist	Nov 3rd, 2007 12:31:06 AM
...You are either a retard or a plant. What would you prefer? If you are indeed a struggling screen writer, you should euthanise your dreams right now. Watching someone afflicted with your intellect attempt to piece together an entertaining work of art would be akin to watching Stevie Wonder target shoot. I'm don't wish to be cruel, but a supposedly 26 year old man who communicates like a particuarly dumb 12 year old girl deserves to be clubbed to death and left in a ditch. By the way, I know it must have been a very difficult question to wrap your head around, since you side stepped it before, but what are some other films you would put in the masterpiece bucket? See if you can respond to that enquiry with movie titles, and not some indecipherable garbled nonsense about shot structure and score and "SCORE!". seriously laughing at the fact that fate didn't see fit to strike down Ximans mother with AIDS so she wouldn't have had the chance to inflict her fucking subhuman shit stain of a son on us
Texas Chainsaaw 2 by BrightEyes	Nov 3rd, 2007 12:31:29 AM
had the best ending EVER
Dunno...Neil Gaiman wrote the script, which reads quite amazingl by Negative Man	Nov 3rd, 2007 12:36:47 AM
...I've been called a plant on posted reviews under this and previous TB-names, so I always hate screaming 'plant' because someone loves something. The general mob mentality of Talk Backs is pretty funny. If a reviewer hates a movie they are either a 'hater' or an idiot. If they like or love a movie, then they must be a plant or an idiot. Personally, I'm looking forward to Beowulf. It's one of my favorite stories and Gaiman wrote a knockout script. Many of the stills look amazing and Crispin Glover plays Grendel...so you know that will be interesting.
LOL OSCAR by sleepyvillain	Nov 3rd, 2007 12:38:56 AM
LOL !!!
Not going to say PLANT by Wed Vid Guy	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:03:21 AM
But that was a very enthusiastic review there
Negative Man by Bloo	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:06:37 AM
well that means that we think most reviewers are well...idiots...take that as it is
YOU LOVE ME, YOU REALLY LOVE ME! by XiMan	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:08:58 AM
SCORE, LOL!!!!!!!!!
NOTE TO SELF: NEVER SUBMIT A REVIEW TO AICN by BringingSexyBack	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:14:00 AM
Holy shit I just witnessed a gang rape where the victim successfully fought back. Plant, I salute you! LOLOOOLLLLOL
Thanks BringingSexyBack by XiMan	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:16:08 AM
PLANTS RULE!!!!! LOLOLOLOL!!!! this is a real laugh P.S.--I'm drinking...
ITS GOING TO BE A MASSIVE FUCKIN BOMB by aicndoesntwantmorecowbell	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:21:25 AM
im sorry i can just tell even if its critical loved its still goning to be a huge flop.
SERIOUSLY... by XiMan	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:22:50 AM
Watch it in 3d and digital if you can... It's the only way I'll see it again...
Ximan - by Darwyn	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:29:45 AM

Textspeak is for morons by ErnieAnderson	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:33:43 AM
That is all.
Serious TBers cannot use "LOL", but "pwn" is ok? by chromedome	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:34:26 AM
...so complicated, all these rules. I am a simple unfrozen caveman talkbacker; your modern fake words confuse and frighten me....
Textspeak is for morons by ErnieAnderson	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:36:47 AM
And that means you, XiMan.
oops- by Darwyn	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:37:26 AM
I'd like to point out - A) I didn't call you a plant; I reserve that judgement because it's thrown around to much to mean anything; B) I too, respect you being a good sport; C) I'm genuinely curious, are you like a super enthusiastic person or something, like that Will Ferrel chearleader character from SNL? Because I'm not even trying to make fun of you at this point; but really - knowing as you should that everyone on this site is "PLANT!" happy, what's with the fucking maniacal laughter? That said, thanks for giving me my own laugh.
hey Deus Vult settle down... by DrBrianOblivion	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:37:46 AM
..just because you probably went to an underfunded state university where you shot movies on mini dv dont take it out on us...were not the ones selling insurance.
XIMAN - IF YOU LOVED BEOWULF YOU'VE LOVE THIS TOO by BringingSexyBack	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:43:53 AM
Enjoy .. http://tinyurl.com/26ezbm
You Drove ximan to the Bottle talkbackers by BrightEyes	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:44:57 AM
are you all happy
Darwyn by XiMan	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:45:29 AM
Sorry... I was still in TB attack mode (lol)... You didn't call me a plant, and I respect that. Re: LOL'S. I really think that I'm the funniest person I know (if you met me, you'd probably agree). But I really write as I feel (even when I review), and the truth is that the film (or maybe the entire experience) made me really excited to tell people about it... Ur welcome for the good laugh! This LOL's for you! : )
that review is hilarious... by slappy jones	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:49:55 AM
did anyone see the first episode of on the lot and that guy acted out his pitch "ninja star to the face"..anyone? well this review....exactly like that.
good review by second cousin of phartegod	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:54:32 AM
NOT
and Flames on Optimus = G@BRIEL GREY = SECOND SEASON OF HEROES by second cousin of phartegod	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:56:08 AM
I needed to get that out of my system BTW, good show XiMan, jolly good
NOTE TO SELF... by XiMan	Nov 3rd, 2007 02:01:55 AM
No more "OSCAR CALIBER" in your reviews... Apparently, this is cheezy... Pass on to the other Plants from Planet Plantonium...
well....your right except for one thing by second cousin of phartegod	Nov 3rd, 2007 02:08:36 AM
around this here parts, a masterpice usually constitutes to Phantoms cos Ben Affleck was the bomb in that, yo!!!11!
dammit.... by second cousin of phartegod	Nov 3rd, 2007 02:08:57 AM
you're'
Still sounds like shit on a stick to me by vezner2007	Nov 3rd, 2007 02:25:13 AM
I'll pass on this one thanks.
Greatest plant evar! Cooch! by Captain Internet Sellout	Nov 3rd, 2007 02:40:00 AM
We should make a "cooch" award for plants from here on out.
plant by Halfbreedqueen	Nov 3rd, 2007 02:54:25 AM
uh it's not that it's a positive review. i believe the movie will be good. it's HOW it is written.
XiMan, forget screenwriting... by Anti-fanboy	Nov 3rd, 2007 03:01:52 AM
Your real talent is in writing plant reviews that REALLY sound like plant reviews... and then sounding even more plant-like in your TB posts. Don't know where that leaves you career-wise, though, since plants aren't supposed to sound like plants, which you do, more than any other plant reviewer I've ever read... except maybe that guy that thought things were "cool as balls"... Maybe you just need your own gay catchphrase. Something like, "sweet as balljuice"... yeah, that could work. Anyway, good luck sounding less plant-like in the future.
Ximan got served by Anti-Fanboy by F-1000	Nov 3rd, 2007 03:19:24 AM
Anti-Fanboy, you are awarded one million of my personal hard-earned internets, for describing your own and my sentiments exactly. And thusly pwning Ximan handily. Well played good sir. Bravo.
THERE IS ENOUGH ASS IN THIS MOVIE? by F-1000	Nov 3rd, 2007 03:26:51 AM
YES, XIMAN SAYS THERE IS ENOUGH ASS IN THIS MOVIE THAT IT IS AN NC-17! Except that it is PG-13...BUT IF IT WAS REAL ANT NOT PHOTOREALISTIC ANIMATION, IT WOULD BE AN NC-17. TRUST HIM ON THIS. HE WROTE A REALLY HIP SCREENPLAY YOU FANBOY COOL KIDDOS WOULD REALLY! BALLS! LIKE! COOCH! FOR DRAGONBALL Z! HOLY BATSHIT! BULMA HAS A BEER AND CHEETS ON VEGETA! LOOK I HAVE FANBOI CATCHPHRASE TOURETTES! BALLS! ASS! ALEXANDRA DuPONTS' SWEET BISEXUAL COOCH! BLADE 2! LABIA! LOOK AT ME! I'M ONE OF YOU! LOLOLOLOLOLOLLMAOLOL!!!!!!!ROF L!!!!!!LMAAAOOO!!!! ROFLROFL!!!!
IT IS THIS YEARS LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE! by F-1000	Nov 3rd, 2007 03:29:26 AM
Beat you to it Ximan. Your research is all for naught. Although, I am surprised you haven't researched talkbacks more thoroughly than you have. After all, it is your job to be up on all the "hip" phrases, as a plant, no?
I totally thought that XiMan was lying, but Morarity liked it, s by second cousin of phartegod	Nov 3rd, 2007 03:37:39 AM
I'm serious. This is my serious face 1=(
moriarity liked it, so I guess it's ok... by second cousin of phartegod	Nov 3rd, 2007 03:39:36 AM
I'm sure Kurt Russell did too
moriarity liked it, so I guess it's ok... by second cousin of phartegod	Nov 3rd, 2007 03:39:38 AM
I'm sure Kurt Russell did too
Zemekis has the potential to make masterpieces... by Shady Drifter	Nov 3rd, 2007 03:54:16 AM
... just still not convinced it's this one. Nevertheless his films are very often worth every penny of the ticket, so I'll surely check it out. The trailer didn't make me too excited though. We'll see.
Kurt Russell was laughing in the cinema... by Shady Drifter	Nov 3rd, 2007 04:18:31 AM
... but then some short blonde chick from New Zealand slapped him around and he ran off crying.
no by second cousin of phartegod	Nov 3rd, 2007 04:22:26 AM
a group of satanically possessed woodland creatures ass rammed kurt russell to death
God Forbid by dogstar69	Nov 3rd, 2007 04:22:38 AM
Anyone actually liking a film on this site...
He smells very plantish. by theonecalledshoe	Nov 3rd, 2007 04:25:56 AM
Though I wish guys and gals at the lucasfarm would get to work on smell-o-vision. This is the future damnit, I'd like to see some real bigtime tech. This technology would be be good for finding out what Jolie smells like... cause inquiring minds inquire ya' know.
that will be the day by second cousin of phartegod	Nov 3rd, 2007 04:26:15 AM
BTW I liked Spider-Man 3
but hey dont be hating on XiMan by second cousin of phartegod	Nov 3rd, 2007 04:41:43 AM
He's a very articulate fellow, who has excellent taste in the annals of post-modern cinema. Namely, the Will Smith classic "The Wild Wild West" is what XiMan and I consider to be a fine addition to these annals. XiMan and myself are both from the area that is known as the streets, which apparently is where Jon Peters is also from. It is from the streets that we learned our own unique dialect. This dialect is quite commonly known as "INTARN3T5 5P33K" and is a very challenging dialect to perfect. This is due to the complex structure of sentences, noun/pronoun relationship, and the subject/predicate relationship. Here is an example: "OMG BEOWULFS WAS LIKE TEH UBER MOST EXTREME MOVIE YOU WILL EVER FUCKING SEE THIS YEAR!!!!LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!! !"
That review sounds utterly contrived...PLANT! by KillaKane	Nov 3rd, 2007 05:28:11 AM
I'm sure it's a decent enough film, but that sounded like veiled marketing hype.
I'm not sure the movie can live up to that review... by MattmanReturns	Nov 3rd, 2007 06:18:39 AM
Or any movie, for that matter.
"I LOLLED AND I FUCKING LOLLED !" -G@BRIEL GRAY by Pound Sand	Nov 3rd, 2007 07:09:40 AM

LOL = NIPPLES ON BATMAN by William Landis	Nov 3rd, 2007 07:35:08 AM
Simple as.
"Tourist" is Christopher Nolan enjoying TDK downtime by William Landis	Nov 3rd, 2007 07:50:19 AM
Re-read his post and tell me it's not true.
lowel by ironic_name	Nov 3rd, 2007 08:16:04 AM
ximan's not a plant.
Beowulf by kwisatzhaderach	Nov 3rd, 2007 08:29:02 AM
encapsulates everything I hate about 21st century Hollywood.
If Frank Oz would not get by tme2nsb	Nov 3rd, 2007 09:21:45 AM
nominated for his portrayal of Yoda in Empire, (as the academy REFUSED TO), then these "actors" won't be either. And damn it people, stop watering this plant, as it's just growing even more...
Note to BSB: by DocPazuzu	Nov 3rd, 2007 09:27:13 AM
When you've got a dozen or so unrelenting cocks jammed into every orifice of your body - some of which didn't even exist earlier - and you're being bukkaked harder than the lead in a John Thompson epic, it takes a bit more than repeatedly shouting "LOLOLOL!!!!" for it to be considered "successfully fighting back" during a gang rape.
FOAMING AT THE MOUTH! by future help	Nov 3rd, 2007 10:14:30 AM
review.
DOCPAZ by BringingSexyBack	Nov 3rd, 2007 10:36:39 AM
Sorry but I gotta give credit to Ximan, he rolled with the punches pretty good, earning even Gabriel Grey's respect. On the surface, his review is one of the plantiest ever posted, I agree with you on that. But are you not even partially convinced that he was just excited about this movie and tried his best to convey it? I know his grammar and spelling are too good to be true, but maybe we're just jaded by txtspk.
so it's Polar Express by chrisco	Nov 3rd, 2007 10:59:46 AM
with dragons?
Polar Express with orgys? by artyfufkin	Nov 3rd, 2007 11:50:35 AM
Is this the future of film? I bloody well hope not, as I live in South East Asia and get all my films for next to nothing. So it would be a bitch if Hollywood started churning out slippery brown turds like this'un. You lazy pricks.
Talkbackers... when will you wise up???? by cinematicrex	Nov 3rd, 2007 11:50:38 AM
As someone said "Harry how can you allow this plant"... well being a working director it's been a well known fact in the industry that Harry has been in bed with the studios for years although he picks carefully his "beds" so of course he'll allow a plant here in there... but with all the access he and his staff has to information/screenings/special interviews and gifts it makes me wonder if sometimes they all have some bit of "miracle grow" with their breakfasts...
HA! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! by Mr. Nice Gaius	Nov 3rd, 2007 12:54:01 PM
XiMan's plantiness aside, this is a great TalkBack. Reminds me of the good ones of yesteryear before the age of multi-post spam. And poor GG. I think he's been banned now more times than JJ4P.
109th BAN???!!! by Mr. Nice Gaius	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:04:37 PM
Why is that, Gabriel?
G@BRIEL.GRAY by XiMan	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:08:45 PM
LOL!!!! AT LEAST UR FUNNY. Good morning to you too! LLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!! ! ; )
I AM... by XiMan	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:11:11 PM
RON BURGUNDY XIMAN PLANTY MCPLANTSON, LOL!!!
Gotta Run, but... by XiMan	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:17:50 PM
Please keep the TB going... I'LL BE BACK {in 14yo's voice, impersonating Arnold}...
Indiana Jones and The Beowulf Plant by BetaRayBill07	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:21:31 PM
You knew it was coming.
Well, Gabriel Gray... by Mr. Nice Gaius	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:25:42 PM
...it's kind of hard to assess just how "groovy" you are when when your post record gets deleted everytime you're banned. This makes your claims of fame highly dubious.
Certainly looks like your name was deleated... by Mr. Nice Gaius	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:44:00 PM
...to me. But I noticed that you now have an "L" where the "I" should be. That's pretty clever.
Sorry. by Mr. Nice Gaius	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:45:05 PM
That's "deleted".
I. AM. AD MAN!!!!!!!!!!!! by tailhook	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:48:26 PM
Seriously... i stopped when i saw the "What Lies Beneath" sound reference. Bob.. shame on you for planting this review.
Well, not the "name" per se. by Mr. Nice Gaius	Nov 3rd, 2007 01:54:15 PM
But the many different variations...sure.
Plant or retard, you decide by Doc_McCoy	Nov 3rd, 2007 02:33:07 PM
Either way, I don't believe for a second this movie will be good. It's also guaranteed to tank. Is there any doubt why XiMan is struggling in his chosen profession?
NO CGI movie with Angelia Jolie in it can be... by conspiracy	Nov 3rd, 2007 02:43:22 PM
a "Masterpiece". Period. Thats the double whammy of lazy mediocrity and popularism. Fun? Entertaining? Sure. But "Masterpiece" is simply not a word to be wielded without consideration of what already has that label; and I can guaranfuckingtee you this ain't no Citizen Cain.
I am Ripper! Tearer! Slasher! by Dreadlock Holmes	Nov 3rd, 2007 02:57:43 PM
And i am so seeing this when it comes out!
G@BRIEL GRAY=ENERGY VAMPIRE by second cousin of phartegod	Nov 3rd, 2007 03:38:58 PM
Why must you suck the joy that exists within innocents such as XiMan. Sure, his lack of variety and overall naiveness may be contributing factors to why he may be or is what you would describe to be a PLANT. But, in spite of all this, XiMan has been able to keep his guard and overall mood up in a very positive sense. Even I would admit to have been making fun of this potential PLANT, but never would I go to the point of sucking the energy and life out of this very lively yet slightly slow fellow. I always believed in the phrase "ignorance is bliss", and I must say, I would rather be a naive yet very satisfied PLANT, than a bitter, narrow minded, megaton bag of douche who sucks the energy out of anyone who struts along his set path, giving him more energy to convert into negativity. Plus it seems that you are a fan of a TV show that is slowly deteriorating due to shitty writing. Good day.
DID THEY MO-CAP THE BALLS AND TAINT? by BringingSexyBack	Nov 3rd, 2007 04:25:44 PM
and Angelina's vulva?
second cousin of phartegod by XiMan	Nov 3rd, 2007 05:17:10 PM
THX, but again...I AM NOT A PLANT! I thought Mororiarty cleared this up?
XiMan... by second cousin of phartegod	Nov 3rd, 2007 07:25:07 PM
I know, I'm just giving you hard time mate =D, but yes, I commend you for all that you have done so far. I truly, truly appreciate your steadfast and enthusiastic approach so far. Especially here in AICN where negativity is existent in 80% of the talkbacks.
XiMan... by second cousin of phartegod	Nov 3rd, 2007 07:25:17 PM
I know, I'm just giving you hard time mate =D, but yes, I commend you for all that you have done so far. I truly, truly appreciate your steadfast and enthusiastic approach so far. Especially here in AICN where negativity is existent in 80% of the talkbacks.
XiMan... by second cousin of phartegod	Nov 3rd, 2007 07:25:17 PM
I know, I'm just giving you hard time mate =D, but yes, I commend you for all that you have done so far. I truly, truly appreciate your steadfast and enthusiastic approach so far. Especially here in AICN where negativity is existent in 80% of the talkbacks.
XiMan... by second cousin of phartegod	Nov 3rd, 2007 07:25:28 PM
I know, I'm just giving you hard time mate =D, but yes, I commend you for all that you have done so far. I truly, truly appreciate your steadfast and enthusiastic approach so far. Especially here in AICN where negativity is existent in 80% of the talkbacks.
wow... by second cousin of phartegod	Nov 3rd, 2007 07:26:37 PM
I'm sorry for that multi post, the internet is something that I often like to call shitty.
It looks like a lifeless 80's videogame by skiff	Nov 3rd, 2007 10:50:39 PM
does not interest me in the least. It is also paramount the people who killed startrek they have no taste.
WTF? by DickGrayson007	Nov 3rd, 2007 11:35:16 PM
This guy hoped Ximan's mom got AIDS? That's extreme. But really, whether you believe he's a plant or not, do you really let reviews decide if your going to see a movie or not? I don't.
GEEKS, THIS SITE, PLANTS, ETC.... by superzero	Nov 3rd, 2007 11:46:18 PM
OK... A. BEOWULF, next to maybe Jesus, is like THE first superhero ever. I find it extremely hard to believe that BEOWULF has only made it into 3 movies, four if you count the 13th warrior (look it up if you don't believe me.) and this one BY FAR looks to be the closest and most FAITHFUL adaptation of the story EVER. Or am I the only person who remembers the abortion that was the "sci-fi" version with Cristopher Lambert? B. Maybe he is a plant maybe he isn't. Who gives a flying fuck at a rolling donut? I don't. I have a mind of my own, money, and a love of mythology, past and present. I, the CONSUMER, decide how much money this movie will make. Not a bunch of whiny obsessive retards. C. I like these types of movies and obsessing over them because I'm a geek. I'll like any movie with the words "spider-man" in it even IF the writing was bad. Cause hey, let's face it, we should be GLAD that they can FINALLY make a movie about spider-man and Beowulf, and the JLA, and Iron Man, etc etc... D. maybe I'M a plant.
me by superzero	Nov 3rd, 2007 11:48:34 PM
look up superzerosix on myspace for more geek fun.
i hate people who "LOL" their way out of a situation by DarthBakpao	Nov 4th, 2007 02:29:55 AM
"LOL" is officially an annoying acronym and should be banned from any usages
Well I've seen trailers and I've seen clips... by Fist Dirtbox	Nov 4th, 2007 08:11:14 AM
and quite honestly, judging from that evidence I think Beowulf looks SHIT. What's strange is that I genuinely LIKE CG -thats what working in the videogame industry for years does for you. I appreciate what a great creative tool it is, and while I'm fond of old-skool Harryhausen/O'Brien stop motion goodness I'm not got my head stuck so far up my nostalgic ass that I'm calling their brand of fakery more convincingly "real-looking" than the computer generated stuff. Thing is about Beowulf, it looks to me like an unholy cross of the worst aspects of the two schools. Grendel looks like some kind of claymation creation, while the rest of the characters seem to have stumbled in from a technical adept but artistically soulless PS2 cut-scene. It looks ugly and fake-looking to me. I've no doubt that Grendel & Beowulf is a great story and worthy of a cinematic outing, but honestly when I actively HATE how every frame looks I'm going to have a helluva time getting past that.
Fist Dirtbox by mrbonefish	Nov 4th, 2007 09:27:29 AM
I completely agree with you. Signed. The Polar Express had the same fake look that I considered to be unwatchable.
IAmMrMonkey by XiMan	Nov 4th, 2007 09:31:07 AM
LOL! on the "deplanting" really, I laughed out loud
second cousin of phartegod by XiMan	Nov 4th, 2007 09:33:25 AM
Thanks for giving me props, yo! LOL (still can't resist)
The Wizard of Speed & Time is an effing masterpiece! LOL! by uppercanuck	Nov 4th, 2007 09:45:09 AM

What Lies Beneath score? by Ghostwood	Nov 4th, 2007 12:58:23 PM
Who the hell EVEN remembers that movie, let alone the score? Not even the composer remembers the score. But thanks for reiterating that 3D nature of the credits. I didn't get it the first six times.
Looks promising... by GaiustheBrave	Nov 4th, 2007 02:23:55 PM
As to the person who said that TB'ers influence box office, ergo the plant opportunities available at all the major studios, and used Spider-Man 3 as an example, I would point out that it still made 336 million, making it, I believe, the top-grossing movie of the year. What that means is that whiny geeks don't have the last say on what succeeds and what doesn't at the box office. Calling every extremely positive review a plant helps us locate the center of the universe in your mind. The review wasn't perfect, but it did encourage me to want to see the film. On a side note, how under-developed can a civilization be when even cartoon boobies are a draw? I'll refrain from judging until I see how life-like they are.
I hate the word Plant..... by D o o d	Nov 4th, 2007 03:13:41 PM
but you have to admit that's a blatant marketting review by the studio or someone connected to the movie. I've seen the trailers and there's no way there are any oscar worthy performances in here. However, I do like zemekis's work and he is truly a genius.
Harry... hire an editor. This site gets worse by the day by metaluna	Nov 4th, 2007 03:17:46 PM
This is nuts. What next?
Wow... and the New York Times hasn't snapped this guy up yet? by FlickaPoo	Nov 4th, 2007 06:32:25 PM
Seriously... I mean, this review! Wow! OK, man, you have GOT to reign in your use of the exclamation point... and if you're going to say... TWICE... that performances are Oscar-worthy, you had BETTER back that shit up with specifics. Oh, and learn to spell. PLEASE. Bad spelling is to writing what having your fly down is to dressing: just plain sloppy.
Oh your god, have I missed this month's PLANTstorm? by 'Cholera's Ghost	Nov 4th, 2007 08:51:08 PM
Indeed, the deciduous leaves here are scattering to all corners of the land. Hmm, have the studios made some progress here in their training programme? We have a plant that engages talkbackers, rather than run and hide as per usual (no doubt to mourn the loss of past $500 dollars for Abject Failure to Convince the Talkbackers). I can just see it now--the plant has been discovered, so, sitting at his computer, sweating, stomata thick with perspiration as he recounts the infamous fates of those who came before ("Fat Kids Chest Bumping, Fat Kids Chest Bumping!" Echoes through his consciousness like a prophecy of doom), in a last-ditch fury of desperation he manically goes Yeah, I'm a plant *OH MY GOD I'M SO LIKE LAUGHING RIGHT NOW, OH, ME, A PLANT, OH, OH THE THOUGHT...THE VERY THOUGHT LOLOLOLOL!" clicks the Post Talkback button, and waits...and watches, his beady green light-sensitive sensory apparatus focused with a primordial intensity on the talkback reactions, so as to ascertain the success or failure of the aforementioned reverse psychology thus employed, as he hopes, and prays to the spirit of the Mighty Ginkgo Tree (May its ancient leafiness reign forever), for the success of his last-ditch attempt to preserve authenticity cast thus into the talkback ether, the consequences nothing less than a sweet 500 dollar check made out in his name--If only...if only...if only they...believe...
Dood.. by XiMan	Nov 5th, 2007 02:04:20 AM
Hasn't Mori already shut you down??? Fucking 'tard! LOL!!!
'Cholera's Ghost...LMFAO AT YOU!!! by XiMan	Nov 5th, 2007 02:08:20 AM
Seriously, re-read what you wrote... See how sad you are??? No??? Read it again, LOL!!! That shit is so cluttered, complicated, conspiracized (if that's even a fuckin word) and reverse-reverse psyched out that even you can't explain it. When the truth is that I'm not a plant. But you...Oh, poor little you. You really think you're on to something. The only person you're convincing is yourself. And that's fuckin PATHETHIC! LOL!!! LMAO!!! AT YOU!!! LOL!!! not really laughing b/c, again, you're pathetic. PS -- I OWN THIS TALKBACK BITCHES!!! LOL! I chuckled that time*
Flickapoo by XiMan	Nov 5th, 2007 02:20:07 AM
I agree with you. REALLY. I read the review now and it wreaks of amateurism -- especially in regards to what's Oscar Caliber. I was just floored by the perfs, specifically Gleeson, Winstone, Malkovich and Hopkins. And Jolie's voice is the most powerful of them all. But lesson learned. Don't count me out NY Times!!!
ximan by Lost Jarv	Nov 5th, 2007 07:44:22 AM
just because someone else liked the film doesn't mean you aren't a plant. You do seem to be a bit attention starved. Maybe your owner should turn you towards the sun.
Animation? Really? by HoldynTwyst	Nov 5th, 2007 09:03:05 AM
Animation means bringing something to life. All of this elaborate Mo-Cap isn't animation, it's not even puppeteering, it's hanging a digital puppet over the top of an actor, and like the prosthetics in Planet of the Apes, that extra level of crap being worn by the actors only mutes their performance. Animation needs to be abstracted to mean anything, and the poetry of animation is in its invention as an animator communicating with an an audience through an understanding of movement. This may have modelers and riggers and lighters and texturers and many intelligent, hard-working craftsmen involved, but this isn't animation. If Beowulf wins an Oscar in the animation category this year, I hope at least a few people there are moved to boo.
I re-read it XiMan. I kind of liked it. by 'Cholera's Ghost	Nov 5th, 2007 11:17:34 AM
Anyway, let me recount here what just took place on your end ahem [studio middle manager bursts through XiMan's door] "XiMaaaAAN! The talkbackers aren't buying it! Did you read what this cholera asshole posted? It nailed you, Colbert style!" "Sir, I'm doing the best I can. The reverse double bluff reverse psychology I employed had most of them going, it was only a matter of time before the tide turned and suspicions of my true nature placated!" "Well, XiMan, you better do something about this latest post, or you're getting Nothing! NOTHING!" "I will sir. Hold on. I'll just, uh, oh god...what do talkbackers do when they really want to pwn somebody...Sir, I need help!" "Studio Guy: Alright, XiMan, I'm getting you in touch with FKCBP, the Fast Kids Chest Bumping Plant from X3. He'll know what to do!"..."FKCBP: This is FKCBP, awaiting command." "Ximan: I just got my reverse psychology totally uprooted by this talkbacker. He--he must be some kind of genius! I don’t know what to do!" "Don't worry, XiMan, here's what you do. First, you must LMFAO at him! Put it right there in the subject line." "Okay just a sec...(type type type). Okay, done." "Now, you must discredit his post. Call it, uh...call it convoluted and complicated, that will make people not want to read it. Okay, now, call it 'conspiricized'. "Is that even a word, FKCBP?" "Just do it!" "Okay, okay. (secretly types his own doubts about the legitimacy of the word)" "Now, XiMan, you must do what all talkbackers do to isolate and psychologically destroy opponents--you must say he's only convincing himself, and that he's pathetic. Really pathetic. Get pathetic in there quite a few times." "Alright, thanks Fast Kids Chest Bumping Plant, I think I have something here. Something that will knock this guy RIGHT ON HIS ASS." ... Fin.
That was supposed to be "Fat" kids by 'Cholera's Ghost	Nov 5th, 2007 11:20:19 AM
For anyone that missed that talkback.
In the tentative but sincere spirit of comraderie, XiMan by 'Cholera's Ghost	Nov 5th, 2007 12:35:54 PM
Let me say this. If you're just a guy who got really excited about Beowulf, with nothing but the sincerest intentions, then I hold no ill will, but must say it would be in your best interest to review previous Planty McPlantypants posts, and learn to avoid their mistakes. Same holds true if you're a plant--read through past planty reviews and keep up the plant work, because someday, in time, you may make a serviceable plant, and get that 500 dollar check. I think the major mistake the studios are making is that when one plant fails they get someone else, a new, fresh green plant who has not gone through having a review seen through and eviscerated, and inevitably makes the same mistakes because they don't have the benefit of experience. P.S. I'm probably going to see Beowulf anyway.
'Cholera's Ghost... by XiMan	Nov 5th, 2007 01:34:28 PM
You're cracking... I can already tell that you don't really believe I'm a plant. Thanks in advance. BTW: THAT SCENARIO YOU TYPED REALLY HAD ME LOL'ING!!! seriously Great writing. Are you a struggling screenwriter too???
XIMAN is a SHILL. This flick is WANK. by catlettuce4	Nov 5th, 2007 04:08:54 PM
It's first act is literally a half-hour Austin Powers dick joke. If you're into digital Man-Ass this flick is for you. The Third act is a Playstation Boss battle. The second act was actually watchable, but you've got all this shit in your mouth from the first hour, it's hard to forgive. The audience was laughing at the film, not with it. Beowulf also steals one of it's more traumatic scenes from the opening of Braveheart, and half the time it looks like outakes from Shrek 2. HARRY, are you taking payola? Get honest reviewers and nix studio plants. If you know all this going in, you may have a laugh... but this "EPIC" has got some serious problems. I AM BEOWULPhhhhhtttt!
XiMan's not alone in thinking BEST PICTURE by XiMan	Nov 6th, 2007 04:34:39 PM
This from Boston Herald's Stephen Schaefer: Seeing is believing with Robert Zemeckis’ mighty, monumental “Beowulf,” which opens Nov. 16. This extravagant adaptation of the epic poem about a cursed kingdom invents a 6th century A.D. Denmark that is so richly detailed, romantic and engrossing it’s like seeing the Prince Valiant comic strip brought to blazing, 3-D life, a childhood fantasy realized in such a complete way you’re stupefied with delight. Using the motion capture technique that “Lord of the Flies” managed to create the lisping monster Gollum and that Zemeckis employed on the saccharine “Polar Express,” “Beowulf” is nothing less than an immersion into a world that is somehow familiar – they live in a harsh climate like Boston, they drink mead, get drunk and pass out, they have a wife and a mistress – and totally strange with its demons that morph into flying dragons, sea monsters that can be slain by blond Beowulf, a hero for all times. The fight scenes are startling, not the least because like “Eastern Empires” Beowulf is nude as he takes on Grendel in mano a mano to-the-death combat. The homoeroticism, a friend said, outdoes Gerald Butler’s “300” by “500.” Ray Winstone may look nothing like this sleek god-like warrior but he sounds perfect. The cast includes a brilliantly underplayed aging king by Anthony Hopkins, a Bette Davis-style villain in John Malkovich and Angelina Jolie’s siren, a shape-changing seriously seductive sylph who gets a laugh in her six-inch heels. Big Oscar Question: Is this in the running for Best Picture or Best Animated Feature?
Jeffrey Wells also says: "BEST PICTURE" by XiMan	Nov 6th, 2007 07:13:44 PM
"I'm not a huge fan of this type of film -- animated sword-brandishing brawny heroes on mighty steeds fighting dragons, etc. -- but Beowulf is really and truly something else. For me it's a new permutation of movie thrills along with an underlying adult intrigue -- a sense of spiritual complexity and even existential angst -- that fortifies thematically. "I found it far more exciting and complex in every respect than 300, a homoerotic meathead flick that I pretty much hated. Beowulf, however, is a fascinating story about a hero with feet of clay made into the most visually arresting and exciting adventure of this type I've ever seen. "I was open-mouthed with awe at the amazing clarity of the 3-D aspects alone. Did Zemeckis really say that 'to call performance-capture animation is a disservice to the great animators'? Is he nuts? This film is obviously animated through and through. It deserves the Best Feature Animation Oscar, bar none. I don't care what anyone says -- this is not live-action except in the most rudimentary sense of the physical acting aspects, which represent, in my view, a relatively small portion of the whole.

Talkbacks

XiMan says BEOWULF is a effing masterpiece?!?!?!!?

User login

Quick Talkback

Talkbacks

Talkbacks

XiMan says BEOWULF is a *effing* masterpiece?!?!?!!?

User login

Quick Talkback

Talkbacks

XiMan says BEOWULF is a effing masterpiece?!?!?!!?